All those ‘shoulds’!!!

July 8, 2021

Maria Condemnation, Conviction, Holy Spirit, Romans 8 , , , , Leave a comment

July 6, 2021

Maria Condemnation, Conviction, Holy Spirit, Romans 8 Church family, Introversion, One-anothering, shoulds and oughts Leave a comment [Edit]

The mind of the flesh is death, but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6 (Berean Study Bible)

I’ve been wrestling with how to distinguish between condemnation from Satan and conviction by the Holy Spirit.  I find myself often thinking, ‘I SHOULD be doing more with people, especially those at church’.  Why am I bothered?  Because when I think about all those people I ‘should’ connect with, I feel depressed.  I just don’t know how to THINK about all these ‘shoulds’. And they continue to hammer me.

I’m an introvert and I’m aging, and I no longer want to gather with people as frequently as I did as when our boys were little. 

Our life is so different from when I was a busy mom, teaching French, serving with Bible Study Fellowship, and teaching adult Sunday School. On top of those commitments, we still enjoyed getting together with church family for mid-week potlucks, weekend retreats, picnics, and even a weekly small group.

Other engagements also dotted our calendars. Mike sang with a professional choral group whose performances I would attend. We occasionally took in other concerts as a family.  Finally, during many years of my dad’s later years, we would spend Sunday evenings enjoying dinner at his place.

But these days, I prefer quiet evenings at home, just with Mike. When he asks “Do we have anything going on this weekend?” and I answer with a cheery NO, I share his delight.

So, why am I telling you all this?  Because I feel ‘wrong’, condemned. Thoughts like: ‘you’re supposed to be ‘one-anothering’ those in your church family’. Multiple ‘shoulds’ assail me. Almost daily.

In my defense, I do connect throughout the week with lots of people, mostly through emails and zoom calls. I also volunteer in two different places.  This fixed amount of extroverting does stimulate me. But my calling, what I DELIGHT in doing, is writing and speaking other languages. They, I absolutely look forward to.

So, how have I handled these voices that steadily announce what I ‘should’ be doing, and how selfish I am?

I’ve been praying, reading scripture, journaling, talking with Mike and my friend Joyce and then writing some more, as I wade toward clarity.

Joyce offered this thought, ‘We should distinguish between what we want to do in our day that pleases us and the activities that have eternal value.’

Do dinner prep and sharing with Mike have eternal value?  Do keeping the house clean and kitchen stocked have eternal value? Do reading and thinking have eternal value?  Do they justify pulling in a bit more?

God has been letting me churn, prayerfully ‘stew’.  But not alone. That other helper, the Spirit of Truth, has been guiding me, too. Mostly through scripture.  For example, this statement of fact penned by Paul brought me relief a few days ago:

There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1 (NLT)

Satan condemns and the Spirit convicts.

Despite feeling reassured for that particular day, Yet, once again, I fell back into uncertainty when the calendar turned over. 

Then Tuesday morning, I saw something else in Romans 8.  That verse about having the mindset of the Spirit. 

I looked up the Greek in my phone app Blue Letter Bible.  Seeing the grammatical form of ‘of’ excited me.  It’s genitive and it expresses possession!

I scribbled a re-write: …the mind belonging (of) to the Spirit!

I continued, connecting it with the rest of the verse:

Romans 8:6b….the mind belonging to the Spirit is life-giving and peace-filled.

I jotted down two synonyms for life offered by the Blue Letter Bible: vigor, energy, both with a sense of abundance. 

My interpretative conclusion THIS day is:

Since I belong to the Spirit (and soak in God’s word daily), He guides me, he leads me toward what gives life, bringing energy and what keeps me filled with Jesus’ peace.  When I notice an idea that is anti-life, i.e., draining or something that steals my peace and starts me angsting, that is the tip-off to ‘taking THAT thought captive to Christ’ and rejecting it.

Of course, I intend to keep praying and seeking direction in God’s word, as well as asking for wisdom from select mature Christian friends. As I keep Mike in the loop in this process, I am trusting the Lord to corral me if I tend to go off track.

Oh, Father, keep me teachable and don’t withhold your wisdom from me!

Is God sovereign over technology?

July 1, 2021

Maria Faith, Isaiah 45, Romans 11, Satan, Sovereignty of God, Spiritual Warfare , , , , , Leave a comment

Being taught something, without putting into practice what you have received in theory is futile. All good teachers teach by that principle.  We know what we know, when we can DO something with it. When we first start applying and using ‘book learning’, we will make a lot of mistakes.  That’s why teachers regularly give us homework and evaluate our progress, often by means of unannounced ‘pop’ quizzes.

It’s no surprise, then, that the model teacher, Jesus, fondly employs this same method.

Fully aware of Jesus’ motives and desire for me to grow through his tailored lessons in ‘being holy as God is holy’, I wasn’t initially thrown off guard yesterday when he handed me an unannounced practical exam. I’ve been working very slowly through John Piper’s latest book, Providence. His developed arguments reinforce what Mike and I have known for some years, that nothing occurs in this world that is not designed and sent forth by God.  The Bible explicitly proclaims this truth throughout both the Old and New Testaments.

For example, Isaiah 45:7 is one of many places where the LORD testifies to his purposeful, planned happenings: I form light and create darkness; I make well-being and create calamity; I am the LORD, who does all these things. ESV

Mike and I are slowly learning to relax and trust God when ‘things don’t go as planned or as hoped’.  That’s why we regularly pray for each other when problems pop up. These days, it seems that many of these unexpected ‘gifts’ are tech issues that suddenly confront us with the potential both to frustrate and rattle us.  God sends them for his good purposes, but Satan uses them, trying his best to cause us to vent, feel anxious, distracted or even angry.

Yesterday, God gave me one such ‘gift’.  Immediately, when a major problem with the raw recording of my latest English without Fear video suddenly occurred, I did not panic. Seldom does a week go by without a few divinely-initiated ‘monkey wrenches’ thrown into the mix.

Since I’m learning to expect problems, I immediately saw and attributed this issue as an opportunity to count on God.  I pictured a smiling God handing me a practice session to see if I really believe what I SAY I believe, that he controls all events in my life.

I talked with him as I worked through one possible fix after another. Nothing helped. 

While I kept trying to fix this issue, my mind played with many thoughts such as:

  • Does God always provide?
  • Can I count on him for this?
  • Is he who he says he is?

I googled the problem and learned that because I had updated the IOS of my MacBook Pro, my video recording software needed an upgrade.  That took time to install. 

Once squared away, a new issue presented itself – the settings! When I recorded a trial video, there was no sound.  I fiddled around, still proclaiming my faith in my sovereign and good Father. Bungling through one change after another, I grew hungry and frustrated.  Yet, I kept practicing patience.  ‘This is from my Father, so he means this for good.  I will NOT let Satan rattle me.’

Time was marching on.  I had a Zoom class to teach at 2 pm, so I temporarily gave up to clean up the kitchen before my class.  Wiping the counters and loading the dishwasher gave Satan the opportunity to heat up the temptation toward self-pity. I could actually imagine myself giving in to a vent: ‘I’ve wasted all this time and I’m still no closer to a solution!’

By grace, I called out to God and told him all the truth I could think of so as NOT to yield to Satan’s whispers. Suddenly, I remembered what I had written in my journal earlier in the morning.  My mom used to say, “For this, I have Jesus.”  I combined that truth with something I heard Kathy Keller share at a conference: “I trust the One who died for me.”

At 2 pm, as my English-language learners entered my Zoom room for our weekly conversation class, I had to leave the entire problem with God.

Ninety minutes later, I ended the Zoom session and checked a text from Graham, our video-content-creator son.  He told me which setting to check in my recording software.  I did and it worked!!! Hallelujah! I texted him and Mike the good news.  God had come through and I had NOT given in to Satan.

‘Well, there’s this week’s blog topic!’ I thought with a smile. Victory in Christ, thanks to his grace.

But God wasn’t finished with me. I woke up this morning and started to edit what had worked perfectly yesterday afternoon.  No sound!!! What?  There’s a Part 2 to this lesson? That DID catch me by surprise.

I had to laugh, though. ‘You must REALLY want me to get this lesson, that from you and through you and to you are all things’ (Romans 11:36).  Nothing happens or fails to happen except by you.  You are the first cause of every event.

What did I do?  I took screen shots of my recording, still in the recording studio software and sent them to Graham and Mike.  Then I had to leave for a doctor’s appointment. Again, I talked to God on my drive to and fro, affirming my complete confidence in his goodness and his plans. And I asked for help.

What happened?  I don’t know.  I couldn’t get the sound to work on what I had successfully recorded yesterday.  So, I did a test video.  There was sound. For the umpteenth time, I recorded my English without Fear episode and it worked. Praise God!

What will happen next time?  He only knows.  But today, I’m rejoicing in his help and in ‘passing the pop quiz of faith’.  Satan, you lost that one.  My God is sufficient.

Incoming artillery barrage from Satan: You’re not doing enough!

June 24, 2021

Maria Guilt, Holy Spirit, Joy, Philippians 2, Psalm 116, Romans 8, Satan, Shame, Spiritual Warfare , , , , , Leave a comment

There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For in Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set you free. Romans 8:1-2 Berean Study Bible

Oh, the places we have lived and the friends we have made.  England, Virginia and North Carolina enriched us the most. We now live in Alabama. My former school colleagues, church friends, neighbors with whom I WANT to stay in contact now number in the 20s, I would imagine.  These are people for whom I still pray and feel close, but in different degrees. Deciding who is in my ‘inner circle’ has been challenging.  I have limited emotional energy and time to invest. I imagine that’s the same for you.

Add to those different groups of friends from our past, God has planted us in yet another community with new neighbors, church friends and colleagues at Mike’s office.

How have I organized those in whom I invest? There’s my mother-in-law with whom I spend 30 minutes twice weekly on a Zoom call, keeping up with her. Two grandkids I occasionally (depending on their schedules) teach either French or Spanish by Zoom. Then there are two close friends I’ve chosen to invest in. With one gal, I connect daily through Voxer, an asynchronous audio messaging platform.  My other regular friend and I leave lengthy video messages for each other once a week, using Marco Polo. They are the gals who are closest to my heart. 

Yet, I feel overwhelmed with how to ‘handle’ other friends. ‘Shoulds’ distract me and cause me guilt:  

  • I need to schedule a catch-up call with Jane
  • We should reach out to neighbors and get to know them over a meal
  • Martha is a young mom at church with whom I click, I should schedule a walk and talk.
  • I haven’t talked with my sister-in-law in a while; I should find a time soon to connect.

So, what’s the problem?  There is not enough time to schedule in all these people, given my other responsibilities. Plus, I feel guilty in admitting that these ‘shoulds’ feel like a burden.  The background music in my mind keeps playing the same-ole refrain, “Something is wrong with me that I don’t want to stay in touch with everyone; that’s selfish!”

This morning I woke up heavy with, “I don’t do enough to stay connected to people, past and present.”

Journaling my raw thoughts during my morning time with Jesus and my Bible always help me process what I’m feeling and thinking. The Holy Spirit always helps me sort through the yuk and bring me out into the light.

Here’s how once again, he came to my rescue. 

With relief, I wrote down exactly how I was feeling condemned and distracted.  Having finished reading the appointed scriptures for the day, I then opened up my Oswald Chambers app on my phone. The first whiff of freedom emerged. ‘Don’t worry anymore about yourself….’

Copying Oswald’s exhortation, I then wrote this conclusion: ‘Every time I start to think I’m not enough, recognize that I am focused on the wrong issue. Leave it alone and hop over to the most important issue: ‘Jesus, YOU did enough for me.  I am enough IN you.’

That triggered this idea: ‘What if I focused and meditated on your ‘enufness’, Jesus? Oh! Didn’t I recently read something about being sprung from prison?  Yes!  Here it is, from yesterday’s scripture:  Psalm 116:16 You threw open my prison door.

That truth set me to considering a daring suggestion that seemed to spring up from inside.  ‘What if I DIDN’T initiate contacts with my other old friends and new acquaintances here?  What if I just trusted the Holy Spirit to lead people to contact me if they want to catch up?  Could I DARE give that a try?  That would feel SO freeing!

But what about all the exhortations to ‘one another’ and love brothers and neighbors?’

God encouraged me by bringing Philippians 2:13 to mind. You know that statement Paul makes where he writes that it is God himself who gives us the desire to work for his good pleasure.

I looked up ‘desire’ in the Greek.  Glancing down at the various meanings, I dared to hope that this was the answer.  Desire can also be expressed as:

  • being gladly inclined toward something
  • taking delight and pleasure in doing XYZ

With mounting energy, I asked, ‘What excites me?’ I didn’t have to think.  The answer flooded my heart:

  • Writing! Having time each day to write energizes me.
  • Learning Spanish fills me with joy

You know, that line in Philippians clearly teaches that it is God who plants desires in us that conform to his purposes and good pleasure. ‘Could it be that simple? To follow my God-given desires, especially this urge to write?  Is my craft, my calling to express myself beautifully in order to connect and encourage others? Is that why the Holy Spirit daily brings me fresh ideas that link his word with my life?

And the Spanish, well that’s clear. The absolute joy and pleasure of growing more proficient. For years, I taught French to adolescents. Now, I get to expand my areas of fluency, giving me entrée into a different world with fascinating people. Describing my language acquisition process and what I feel inside as a second-language learner thrills me.’

I put my pen down and closed my journal to get ready for my exercise class. Throughout the day, I have been letting these ideas sink in.  I think I’m on the right track, for not even three weeks ago one of my friends reminded me that the Holy Spirit corrects with gentleness.  He doesn’t condemn.

More than just a solution to ‘what do I do with all the people from my past’, God confirmed what he has called me to do.  Satan apparently likes to suck away our joy and burden us with duties that God maybe hasn’t appointed. I’m quicker to recognize Satan’s ploys, that shame-producing condemnation together with distracting thoughts.

Return to your rest, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you! Psalm 116:7 Berean Study Bible.

I’ll let you know what happens, as I leave to the Lord my other friends and acquaintances. I believe I can trust him to let me know when I should engage.

First the heart, then the actions

June 17, 2021

Maria Heart, Pain, Prayer, Psalm 51, Sin, Wisdom , , , , , , 1 Comment

Create in me a pure heart, O God, Psalm 51:10 NIV

Let’s face it.  Relationships are hard!  No wonder, since we live in a sin-saturated world.  After all, our perfect world Eden didn’t last long. Eve and Adam disobeyed God, breaking our world’s order and harmony forever. But instead of fix our world at that point, he set about fixing us, with the promise (future – dated for a set kairos event to come) to give us a new world, a renovated earth 2.0.

Back to difficult relationships and today’s focus on the heart.  Like you all, Mike and I live with some regrets and painful sadness about how our interactions with others have gone over the years.  Thinking about an upcoming visit with some family members caused me to worry this morning. I turned to a fresh page in my journal as I started scribbling down my thoughts.  I wrote in clear declarative sentences:  I feel anxious thinking about what we can do differently to reduce the awkwardness we feel around this couple. Even writing this down caused more angst.

I continued: How am I going to have the wisdom to know just what we should change in our interactions? And if God does bring something to mind and we agree about it and then attempt to implement it, that might make us feel even more uncomfortable resulting in us looking ‘pained’. Likely we’ll be so focused on monitoring our behavior and their response that it will appear like we are NOT enjoying them! 

I now felt worse than when I started to identify my worry. But the sweet Father gifted me with wisdom from above. He sidestepped the ‘what should we do, how should we act’ aim of my worry and presented a new and different approach.  What would happen if Mike and I directed our prayers not to relational tools, but instead asked God to purify our hearts?

I stepped further into this new idea and started to write, Father, you who swap out dead hearts for living hearts that incline toward you, YOU know how to get rid of all the junk in our hearts. It’s no big deal for you to drain away impurities such as: regrets, past hurts, memories of visits that did not satisfy, mindfulness of having to ‘walk on eggshells’, fears about what they think of us, disappointments, and unwelcome feedback that we didn’t see coming.

What if you really removed all that ‘yuk’ and replaced it with a heart totally filled with delight and love toward them? Wouldn’t they notice and respond in kind? Wouldn’t we all feel more natural?

All of a sudden, lightness flooded my whole being and the heaviness and sense of being weighed down vanished.  I realized that it’s not first a matter of deeds and actions, but the heart.  Out of the heart flow our actions.

We wouldn’t even have to game plan our responses and actions. What a concept!  We might actually be able to sit back and enjoy their visit AND look forward to it, as well.

I bet you have relationships that perk along quite naturally.  You feel comfortable with a friend or family member.  You don’t TRY to act a certain way.  You simply are who you are and it all works.

Of course, we can still hurt those who are this easy to love.  That’s why good friends still need to practice forgiveness.  We’re going to step on others’ toes because we’re sinners. Genuine friends aren’t afraid to say with soft and gentle directness, ‘ouch….that hurt when you said/did that just now!’.

Thank you, Father, for providing your wisdom from above.  Please, we ask you, do this supernatural work in us.  It feels like it’s impossible, but nothing is impossible for you.

My words were NOT full of grace.

June 10, 2021

Maria Proverbs 15, Wisdom , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life, But, a perversive tongue [speaking words that overwhelm and depress] crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4 Amplified

God recycled an earlier lesson. Obviously, I had not internalized his teaching in previous versions of the training. To my shame and with some pain, that is.

It happened like this.

Before I dump some details on you, you have to know that I often indulge in prideful practices.  My go-to reflex is to assume that I have the scoop on the best way to do some things.  And I don’t hold back from letting you know.  What works for me, I assume will work for you. I also take it as a given that you actually want to hear my solution for your particular problem.

Anne, my daughter-in-law, has been softly saying otherwise. By nature, she doesn’t try to solve anyone’s problem.  She just listens and absorbs. In that way, we are very different. I probably want solutions, so I have believed that everyone else does, as well.

I recognize in Anne a better way.  And I need lots of repetition for this and every truth to sink in and for new practices to take root.

I have a young colleague where I volunteer.  We see each other one morning a week.  Gradually, over time, she has shared a huge source of sorrow in her life.  Each time we served together, she has told me more of the context and story encompassing this painful issue.

I made some assumptions.  I took her on as ‘an encouragement project’ and started sending her bits of scripture and prayers from others that I thought might help.  And I think they did. So far, so good.

But then I stepped on her toes.  I wrote a blog piece with her in mind.  Then I sent it to her and said that her situation had inspired it.  Ouch!  How little did I reflect ahead of time about how my frank words would make her feel, would wound her?  Not for one moment did I put my feet in her shoes.  I let fly, confident in my ‘diagnosis’ and ‘remedy’.

By God’s sovereign grace, she had the guts to text me last week and let me know that 40 % of the time my ‘advice’ has harshly wounded her, that I have gotten her wrong.

Immediately, I felt shame, sorrow and regret. It has taken me a week to process what happened.

When I read her text, though, I absorbed her criticism humbly and immediately fired back an apology.  I affirmed her response to question my assumptions and discard what she didn’t think was true about her.

Here’s some humor, though. Three days prior to this sobering text, Mike and I had sat under one of our teaching elders as he led a class from Proverbs about having a humble spirit. That’s an attitude which accepts ALL criticism with a meekness that prayerfully sifts through it to find truth.

My colleague had been speaking truth to me when she wrote to set me straight. 

The day after her pride-bursting announcement, I asked for Anne’s perspective. Again, by grace, God provided a good hour with her in person.  She admitted that she almost never gives advice unless someone asks for it. What she DOES do is ask gentle questions as she carefully listens:

  • Can you explain what that has looked like in your life up until now?
  • Walk me through what led up to your decision.
  • What most frightens you in this situation?
  • How does that make you feel, that you can’t seem to ‘X’?  
  • (and for someone who is a believer, ‘What is it you are asking Jesus to do?’)

Nowhere does she offer advice or a solution. Until or unless they pointedly ask.

Wow!  What a novel concept for me!  Not really, though.  Anne explained all this seven months ago on an earlier visit.  She described a distinction between people who share burdens. Some people unload a problem WANTING a solution, but that most (she included) don’t want someone to fix them or the situation.  They just want a safe place to explore their thoughts with leisure.

Although I was intrigued then, I never attempted to change my ways, to adapt to this possible distinction regarding counsel.  I saw it as intriguing, rather than something I should implement.

I’m so glad my friend had the courage to confront me. Yes, it hurt, but it intersected with a growing desire in my spirit to BE gentle, mild and humble.

Something she wrote convinced me to WANT to steward my words, listening twice as much as I speak. About herself she shared, ‘The Holy Spirit always corrects me gently, never harshly.’  She’s so right!  Jesus treats me that way, too!

So, here is my plea.  Knowing I will fail again to change my natural thought-less response of ‘How about trying X?’ I pray daily:

“Father, keep conforming me to Christ, no matter how much it hurts.  I want to be gentle with others and listen more. Please help me.  For the blessing of others and for my own good. And to please you!”

What are the odds? – God’s big interventions in my life

June 3, 2021

Maria Deuteronomy 4, God's gifts, God's Purpose, Prayer, Romans 50 , , , , , 1 Comment

So, keep and do them…….in the sight of the peoples who will hear all these statutes and say, ‘Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people.’ For what great nation is there that has a god so near to it as is the LORD our God whenever we call on Him?’ Deuteronomy 4:6-7 NASB 1995

When I read and lingered over Moses’ words above, the Holy Spirit convicted me of my need to point to visible evidence of how the Lord has worked in my life.  People sometimes need to SEE tangible proof of how God comes through in this life, before they are ready or interested in hearing about how the Father changes one’s eternal future through Jesus.

All people, not just those who have yet to see Jesus for who he is, but believers as well need evidence of God working in lives of those who belong to him.

So, with this passage in Deuteronomy desire bubbled forth, causing me to want to make a list of at least 5 big divine provisions from our kind Father. I saw so many possibilities, but I’ve selected the following to encourage you.  

  1. The first time God directly answered a specific prayer request in a way that I knew it was him, was my second day at Airborne School in May 1978.  I was a 20-year-old ROTC cadet pursuing some army training at the end of my junior year in college. Much to my horror, I had failed the pull-up evaluation on the initial day of week one. If I didn’t pass the re-do, I’d be cut from the three-week class.  I wouldn’t earn those Airborne wings that I wanted. Not yet a believer, but knowing that prayer was my only recourse, I pled with God for help.  He came through.  A female airborne sergeant took me aside for the redo and passed me, with merciful leniency.   That was God’s unmerited favor for sure!
  2. His next rescue took years of prayer, interspersed with lots of despair and tears, before he gave me what I begged him for.  I had fallen into bulimia at 16. This eating disorder relentlessly pursued me.  Nothing I attempted worked. During the 9+ years I suffered, I was converted to Jesus.  Certainly, I had prayed for years before my second birth, but God waited.  About two years after coming to Christ, he provided the answer I wanted in a very creative way. He used the long months of my first pregnancy to break that binge-purge-remorse-resolve cycle.  Knowing I was carrying a baby provided a compelling reason to care for my body.  Even though I feared returning to that old pattern post-partum, God liberated me fully.
  3.  This next marvel from God surprised me.  I had to wait several years to see his divine and good plan in hindsight.  As a lieutenant, a full-colonel ‘fired’ me due to not meeting his standards. In my mind, he treated me unfairly. No amount of behind the scenes ‘Maria manipulation’ worked. A mere lieutenant has no influence! With one signature, he dispatched me back to a subordinate unit from which I had felt relief when he had brought me to his headquarters staff the previous year.  Here’s what is meant by ‘he planned it for harm, but God planned it for good’ (Genesis 50:20). Back at my old unit, my boss assigned me the ‘additional duty’ of managing the MP battalion’s million-dollar budget.  With no finance background, I learned a lot.  My follow-on army assignment added to that knowledge.  What played out after I resigned my commission stunned me.  I needed a job to support our family of three, for Mike worked a sales job on a 100% commission basis.  The recently constructed Monterey (California) Sheraton Hotel offered a job-fair.  With my budget background (but no accounting or business courses under my belt), I applied to be the Credit Manager/Accounts Receivable Supervisor.  They hired me, because no one else applied.  Pure God. I remarked to Mike, ‘So THAT was what being fired and being assigned budget duties was all about!’
  4. Further evidence of God’s goodness occurred when our marriage ruptured. Many tears, many prayers, godly counsel from biblical older women kept me trusting God and his ability to restore us, to change us. Six months later, we were still together, headed in the right direction, and learning about God’s best for how husbands and wives treat each other with love and respect.  Now in 2021, 41-years into our ‘adventure of one flesh’, we are more content, more joyful together than we could have ever imagined.  God has certainly used our sin and our suffering to grow us more into a godly and HAPPY couple.
  5. My final example today of God working marvels in my life is how he removed a physical affliction that dogged Mike for years. A sales position in his late 20s caused his body to go ‘wonky’.  Neither doctors nor meds helped.  This condition often ‘sombered’ our family life, as it drained good cheer from Mike.  One day, after about 27 years living with this ‘unwelcome member of our family’, my hairdresser suggested an anti-anxiety medication that had helped her. Mike’s doctor okayed it and miracle of miracles; Mike found relief! We knew this was a gift from God, in answer to years of prayer. We praised him heartily. Yet, 8 years later when Mike started a new job here in Huntsville, stress triggered the same condition.  We were dumb-founded. ‘Really, Father? What is up with this!!!’  We renewed our prayers, this time from a much deeper place of confidence in God.  A year later, slowly and in fits and starts, God began providing relief.  Today, Mike has been freed from this condition!  We often sing God’s praises, for he deserves all the credit. And he could bring it back if he deems it good for us.  We are learning, through suffering, to trust him more and more.

So, what about you?  What are your top 5 evidences for God, Ebenezers that you can point to, for strengthening your faith anew and as a tool to assist you confidently to communicate the good news about Jesus Christ?  Have some fun taking time to reflect and come up with a top-five list. Then share it with others.

Are you preoccupied with how someone else needs to change?

May 27, 2021

Maria Prayer, Pride, Psalm 46, Psalm 84, Sanctification , , 5 Comments

Be still, and know that I am God Psalm 46:10 NIV

I’m noticing a pattern among women, myself included. Often, we find ourselves in a desperate situation or worried about someone we love.  Well-trained as believers, we start praying for God to rescue us or the other person.

We faithfully keep praying and nothing happens.  Then we start questioning God: ‘What’s up with this?  Why are you not answering my desperate prayers? What I’m praying for is a good thing.  It’s not for money or fame or anything ‘selfish’ like that.  I’m asking you to do what the Bible records as your own desires, Father!’

I first experienced God’s silence, his apparent unwillingness to answer ‘a spiritual need’, when I was about 30. Living in England we worshipped at a local Anglican church. As we got to know people, we were invited to participate in a weekly house group.

I felt hungry to go deep into God’s word and to draw closer to him.  I can’t recall what caused me to think that Mike was less ‘spiritual’, but I vividly remember frequently tugging on God’s sleeve, so to speak, begging him to grow my husband’s faith.  Nothing changed.  I even started privately lamenting my unanswered prayers about him with a couple of mature women at church. 

Here’s the catch.  My tone when I would share why I was praying, sprang from a boastful position.  Picture in your head: ‘I’m so spiritual.  I just wish my husband would catch up with me!’

I know.  It’s awful.  I’m ashamed to pull back the curtain and give you a peak into my heart.  But it’s the truth.

It was a good 12 or 13 years before the Lord changed Mike.

Only in looking back do I see how my good Father first chose to straighten me out. I oozed spiritual pride. My heart was ugly.

Here’s my conclusion.  We can’t see or know all the details in our lives or those of others.  Only God does.  He is God and his point of view is from above.  You and I live horizontally; hence our information is limited.

A promise from Psalm 84:11 has helped me adjust my assessment of God and his slow or strange ways of answering our requests.  In this psalm he pledges that he will withhold NO good thing.

If that’s the case, then we are wrong to write off those events as ‘this should not have happened!’  What we deem as bad, horrible, painful, devastating, unfair, exhausting could actually be circumstances he deems good. These are circumstances that he has ‘planned to permit’, as John Piper notes. They are all for good purposes, plans that only the unique all-wise loving God of the universe knows.

Thinking about a friend whose husband seems to have walked away from believing God, I jotted down in my journal what she might respond to me about Psalm 84:11,

  • ‘But this is a good thing I’m asking God for!’
  • I reflected back to her on paper, ‘But maybe there is a better thing God wants for you or your husband!’

God says in Psalm 46:10 (with my paraphrase):  Stop fretting and worrying.  I am God.  I have the highest vista over this situation.  I know what I am doing.

The Bible teaches that God is providential, that he controls every subatomic particle in the universe and directs each one in a way that does not violate our free will nor inculpate him in sin. That being the case, then we must reason outward, starting from his word, not from our perspective.

My conclusion about answered prayer, based on anecdotal accounts and my life is that often we prideful women need a lot more holiness training than our men.  Our good Father loves us SO much that he will stop at nothing, even delaying ‘fixing our husbands’, to get us right.  When we’ve been ‘pruned, cut and cauterized’, only THEN does he turn his purifying gaze on our guys.

Don’t you want to get on with ‘it’ then? I know I do!

May we turn our attention (not our prayers) away from how much someone else needs to change and focus on becoming more holy, like Jesus. We can trust the Master.

The pattern of spiritual attacks

May 20, 2021

Maria Fear, Humility, Isaiah 54, James 4, Philippians 4, Prayer, Spiritual Warfare , , , 1 Comment

As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” So, humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:6-7 NLT

Almost 20 years passed before I recognized Satan’s spiritual attacks. Of course, I had heard of spiritual warfare and read Ephesians 6 multiple times, and I could see Satan’s hand in life’s suffering.  But a new awakening to spiritual reality took place half way through the most severe religious persecution I had ever experienced.

As soon as I arrived at Carolina Day School in Asheville, North Carolina, the harassment started.  Middle school parents believed stories their children, my French students, passed on, about how I was ‘proselytizing’, how I (an evangelical) crossed myself during class, as do Catholics.  I fervently sought other jobs, clamoring to get out of there, but God kept me at this school.  It was awful.

Cousin Terry gave me a promise to cling to:

No weapon formed against you shall prosper. Isaiah 54:17 NKJV

I asserted that fact over and over, many times in a day as I walked to the copy room or bathroom.

I understood external suffering from outside, but I had never been conscious of the dark world’s incursions into my thought life.  I had always assumed that I was she who gave birth to discouraging notions and feelings. They were products of my mind, or so I had always reasoned.

But half way through my tenure at this school, about six years ago, the Lord opened my eyes to a new facet of spiritual reality.  I was about to travel with other teachers to a conference.  Very demoralized about my French teaching and how students and parents reacted, I didn’t want to go.  Two nights before our departure, I experienced what I’ve heard termed, ‘the dark night of the soul’.

My despair over teaching spread to every part of my life.  Not only did I not think I could or should continue teaching, I saw myself as incapable of being Mike’s wife, of being a grandmother, of continuing to manage our week-to-week finances, even of preparing meals.  So convinced that these changes were true, I awoke feeling unable to carry on with my life. Not suicidal, but in total despair and without hope. Someone or something had flushed my normal enthusiasm down the drain

I don’t know the exact moment God draw back the curtain, but it was later that same day. Suddenly, I knew!  These weren’t my thoughts; they belonged to the devil!!!  Relief flooded my mind and heart.  As fresh energy for life flowed back in, I felt strengthened and enthusiastic once more.

I partook of the conference and even acquired some new ways of engaging students.  I returned to my classroom, feeling ready to carry on.  Praise be to God.

That event and what God taught me propelled me on to enjoying the best three (and final) years of my French classroom career.

Five and half years later, I still experience AND recognize occasional attacks.  But not always do I identify their source.  I still have fallen for the lie that they are MY thoughts and feelings.

The other night turned out differently.  After at least two hours of sleeplessness around what I affectionately call “pee o’clock”, I fell into a nightmare.  Just before the alarm sounded, I was praying in my dream, “Help me! I am under spiritual attack!”

Fifteen minutes later, although tired, I eagerly sat down with coffee, Bible and my journal at hand. As I had been feeding the cats and making the coffee, I quickly recognized what had occurred. With the dream still fresh, I replayed my fearful, desperate cry for rescue against this enemy.

As I started to write about this, God took me in a different direction, his application surprising me. I had spent part of my awake time, worrying about all the self-assigned tasks for the coming week and my desire to have more ‘Maria time’. What God brought to mind turned out to be a picture of my prevailing sin as a bed of smoldering coals.

I hoard time for Maria, and am aware of this top manifestation of my sinful selfishness. Suddenly, I pictured Satan blowing on these coals of ‘Not enough time for Maria’.  Small flames of discouragement had flamed into strong fire during my awake worry time.

What is interesting is that over the past couple of months, I have actually relaxed more about ‘time’, trusting God’s grace to be sufficient. More and more, I have let go of the need to get stuff done.

Thanks be to God, I saw my nightmare for what is is, a desperate dark ploy to keep me tied to Satan’s lie.

I immediately dumped cold water, dousing those roused embers. And Satan fled.

Then I wrote in my journal a version of Paul’s account of his take-away in God’s Holiness School.

Paul wrote:

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13 NIV

I composed this:

I have learned to be more content each day.  I know what it is to have little time and what it is to have plenty.  I am practicing the secret of being content in either case, whether I have ‘too much’ to do or the day looks wide open.  I can trust Jesus to provide just what I need for what he has pre-planned for me to do.

In other words, it’s okay to be weak, to be needy, to not have enough time.  As a needy little child, I can safely trust my Father to give me what I need. I’m not wise enough to know about the day ahead.  But he is!

Our faith and His ‘pop-quizzes’

May 13, 2021

Maria 1 Peter 4, Anxiety, Conviction, Faith, God's goodness, Guidance, Hebrews 13, Praise, Psalm 56, Trusting God , , , , , , , Leave a comment

If the three most important words in real estate are ‘location, location, location’, then the key three words for the Christian are ‘entrust, entrust, entrust’ all to Jesus.

Remember…(those)… who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Hebrews 13:7 NIV

If we are to ‘copy the faith’ of someone, that means we must be able to notice it. The text above actually makes that point.  The Greek word ‘consider’ means to behold.  What are we to observe? The conduct of believing Christians all the way to their dying end, through their journey toward the final portal into Life.

One’s ‘way of life’ indicates conversation and actions, how these mature believers interacted, how they handled affliction and upsets.

This morning, I read a different translation of 1 Peter 4:12 that compliments these thoughts: ‘When trials come to test you, don’t freak out.’ How clear!

Observing mature Christians who have taught us God’s word, mimicking their faith responses, watching how they think through and make decisions has a corollary. Just as we copy their pattern, that means others are watching us, too.  We aren’t always aware, but they are. 

But that responsibility won’t tax us if we recall our Lord’s assurance of supernatural, divine help promised to sustain us all the way to the end. God’s chesed, that is His steadfast love and mercy, is constant, never changing. Here’s to ‘not freaking out!’

**

As is my Father’s pattern with me, I can count on a ‘pop quiz’ to follow up what I observe in His Word.  Sure enough, He provided the ‘practicum’ just a day later while on our trip out to Seattle to visit Mike’s mom.

When I dread something, I will hand it over to You. Psalm 56:3 (my wording)

I had to repent this morning at ‘pee o’clock’.  Washing my hands, my head flew to the coming day and what I was dreading.  We have planned to treat Mom to a dinner out 3 blocks from her retirement complex.  My fears over the past few days have been: ‘What Uber driver will want to transport us that short of a distance and back?’ and ‘Will the ambiance and food please Mom or will it be too loud and unsatisfying for a 92-year-old?’  

So, as soon as I thought in the dark, “I’ll be glad when today is over”, He convicted me, clearing away the fog of fear.  “Oh, I have a heavenly Father!  I can hand this entire situation over to Him.”  And so, I did and fell back asleep.

Now, further into the day, I keep reminding myself that He has ‘got this’.  The grace we will need is already stockpiled. This event is meant for future praise.

PS: Well, it’s ‘the day after’.  And of course, God’s score card continues to be perfect. Not a single driver balked at the four-block trip.  We arrived on time.  There were ramps for Mom and her walker to use.  We were seated by ourselves in a spacious alcove with a view over Seattle.  Visibility was perfect. Our menu selection pleased Mom and we made it home with no hitch.  Our driver was in his early 80s, seeking always to be productive.  He understood Mom’s needs. 

Father, forgive me yet again for doubting your ability to come through. Thank you for your kindness to us and to Mike’s mom who delighted in being able to view her beloved city from the 14th floor.

Two astounding facts about our God

May 6, 2021

Maria Galatians 3, God's Questions, God's voice, Numbers 12, Numbers 8, Shame , , , 2 Comments

This week I noticed two astounding facts about God that previously slipped past me.  The first, that God speaks to His image-bearers, us! And second, He created us to be ‘enough’.

Just how does our Father speak to us?  With Moses, He used direct words, face to face. Do you remember jealous Miriam and how she griped to Aaron about the privileges enjoyed only by younger brother Moses?  Read how God responded as recorded in Numbers 12:6-8

Listen to my words: When there is a prophet among you,
  I, the Lord, reveal myself to them in visions,
  I speak to them in dreams. But this is not true of my servant Moses;
 he is faithful in all my house. With him I speak face to face,
 clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the Lord. Why then    were you not afraid to speak against my servant Moses?

With Moses, God used specific, detailed words.

Last night I began reading a book about grace.  The author quoted some verses from Genesis 3. God’s question to Adam about shame leapt out for the first time.  Don’t you both love and fear our Father’s direct interrogations? I still struggle with feeling different from others.  I have labeled myself ‘inadequate’ as a grandmother, compared to all those other grandmothers who seem to come by their roles naturally. Then when I measure myself against other Christians, I rate myself as ‘unloving’.  I know that much of my learned projections are meant to cover up what I am ashamed of.

Maybe you can relate!

Who told you that you were naked? Genesis 3:11 ESV

What does ‘naked’ represent? Think about babies.  They arrive completely exposed, unashamed. Having never been humiliated, they go months before learning to hide something about themselves.

Unfortunately, at a certain age, most of us develop a sense of something not being right with us. Something about us bothers others.  Messaging from others teaches us. It’s the words, the tone of voice, the face, the gestures that communicate our ‘not enoughness’.  Most of us acquire coping mechanisms.

I know some of my learned cover-ups. Other projections are still hidden from me.

Had Adam and Eve stuck with getting truth only from their Father, they never would have known anything else but an artifice-free, secure and loving relationship with God.

Eden 2.0, when Jesus comes back for us, will be safe place. We will finally believe what the Spirit of God has proclaimed through Jesus and the Bible, that our Father has loved us with an everlasting heart.  We were created ‘enough’, never to be shamed.

**

Then the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, Numbers 8:1 NASB

This verse stopped me cold. We’ve been journeying with Moses for some time.  Up to now, I hadn’t noticed that the Lord spoke specific words and Moses understood.

Don’t you find it incredible that a being, in a different category than us, should speak with a mere human with such detail?  The instructions Moses received were complex. Friends, our God intentionally communicates with us! When necessary, if His written word or the pressing of the Holy Spirit are inadequate for the situation, He resorts to out-loud words that a human being can understand.

Thinking of God talking with Moses motivates me to practice more intentional listening. Does God want to connect in this way?  Absolutely! We have His written word and His Spirit in us. And just maybe, some of us will hear the spoken sound of His voice

If counterfeit experts can acquire skill, spotting highly sophisticated replicas of money…. If young children can acquire the facility to understand and distinguish sounds, responding purposefully in two or more languages while growing up….then surely we can improve our ability to listen.

I think listening skills are transferrable.  So, this morning I resolved to practice listening more attentively to my ‘neighbor’.  I bet I’ll also hear God more often.

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