As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” So, humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:6-7 NLT
Almost 20 years passed before I recognized Satan’s spiritual attacks. Of course, I had heard of spiritual warfare and read Ephesians 6 multiple times, and I could see Satan’s hand in life’s suffering. But a new awakening to spiritual reality took place half way through the most severe religious persecution I had ever experienced.
As soon as I arrived at Carolina Day School in Asheville, North Carolina, the harassment started. Middle school parents believed stories their children, my French students, passed on, about how I was ‘proselytizing’, how I (an evangelical) crossed myself during class, as do Catholics. I fervently sought other jobs, clamoring to get out of there, but God kept me at this school. It was awful.
Cousin Terry gave me a promise to cling to:
No weapon formed against you shall prosper. Isaiah 54:17 NKJV
I asserted that fact over and over, many times in a day as I walked to the copy room or bathroom.
I understood external suffering from outside, but I had never been conscious of the dark world’s incursions into my thought life. I had always assumed that I was she who gave birth to discouraging notions and feelings. They were products of my mind, or so I had always reasoned.
But half way through my tenure at this school, about six years ago, the Lord opened my eyes to a new facet of spiritual reality. I was about to travel with other teachers to a conference. Very demoralized about my French teaching and how students and parents reacted, I didn’t want to go. Two nights before our departure, I experienced what I’ve heard termed, ‘the dark night of the soul’.
My despair over teaching spread to every part of my life. Not only did I not think I could or should continue teaching, I saw myself as incapable of being Mike’s wife, of being a grandmother, of continuing to manage our week-to-week finances, even of preparing meals. So convinced that these changes were true, I awoke feeling unable to carry on with my life. Not suicidal, but in total despair and without hope. Someone or something had flushed my normal enthusiasm down the drain
I don’t know the exact moment God draw back the curtain, but it was later that same day. Suddenly, I knew! These weren’t my thoughts; they belonged to the devil!!! Relief flooded my mind and heart. As fresh energy for life flowed back in, I felt strengthened and enthusiastic once more.
I partook of the conference and even acquired some new ways of engaging students. I returned to my classroom, feeling ready to carry on. Praise be to God.
That event and what God taught me propelled me on to enjoying the best three (and final) years of my French classroom career.
Five and half years later, I still experience AND recognize occasional attacks. But not always do I identify their source. I still have fallen for the lie that they are MY thoughts and feelings.
The other night turned out differently. After at least two hours of sleeplessness around what I affectionately call “pee o’clock”, I fell into a nightmare. Just before the alarm sounded, I was praying in my dream, “Help me! I am under spiritual attack!”
Fifteen minutes later, although tired, I eagerly sat down with coffee, Bible and my journal at hand. As I had been feeding the cats and making the coffee, I quickly recognized what had occurred. With the dream still fresh, I replayed my fearful, desperate cry for rescue against this enemy.
As I started to write about this, God took me in a different direction, his application surprising me. I had spent part of my awake time, worrying about all the self-assigned tasks for the coming week and my desire to have more ‘Maria time’. What God brought to mind turned out to be a picture of my prevailing sin as a bed of smoldering coals.
I hoard time for Maria, and am aware of this top manifestation of my sinful selfishness. Suddenly, I pictured Satan blowing on these coals of ‘Not enough time for Maria’. Small flames of discouragement had flamed into strong fire during my awake worry time.
What is interesting is that over the past couple of months, I have actually relaxed more about ‘time’, trusting God’s grace to be sufficient. More and more, I have let go of the need to get stuff done.
Thanks be to God, I saw my nightmare for what is is, a desperate dark ploy to keep me tied to Satan’s lie.
I immediately dumped cold water, dousing those roused embers. And Satan fled.
Then I wrote in my journal a version of Paul’s account of his take-away in God’s Holiness School.
Paul wrote:
I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13 NIV
I composed this:
I have learned to be more content each day. I know what it is to have little time and what it is to have plenty. I am practicing the secret of being content in either case, whether I have ‘too much’ to do or the day looks wide open. I can trust Jesus to provide just what I need for what he has pre-planned for me to do.
In other words, it’s okay to be weak, to be needy, to not have enough time. As a needy little child, I can safely trust my Father to give me what I need. I’m not wise enough to know about the day ahead. But he is!
Readers’ Comments