Do not let this ‘Word’ depart from your mouth but meditate on it day and night
January 27, 2022
1 Peter 3, Conviction, Holy Spirit, Sin Pulling wings off of flies 3 Comments
….what is inside the heart —the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4 CSB
Pop often accused me of ‘pulling wings off of flies’. I had a sense of what he meant. This was his way of letting me know how unkind I had been, picking at and trying to provoke my mom.
November 4, 2021
1 Corinthians 10, Holy Spirit, James 1, Philippians 4, Psalm 55, Wisdom, Worry Burdens, Counseling, English without Fear, God's will, Retirement, Sherpa guides 1 Comment
Give your burdens to the LORD…..Psalm 55:22 NLT
I met with my counselor on Tuesday this week. We explored why I’m still struggling to decide whether I continue an endeavor or cut it off. I’ve been ‘wishing and washing’ for more than two years, not able to make up my mind.
When I started my YouTube channel, English without Fear, in March 2018, my goal was to replace my classroom teaching salary through providing compelling, intermediate-level English stories that could benefit both English-language learners and teachers. I produced videos and materials for free to build a following, hoping eventually to convert some of them into paying clients
When the Lord suddenly moved Mike and me to Huntsville, I left my classroom job teaching French. Due to Mike’s salary, there was no longer a need for me to work. My purpose for having started this YouTube channel and website evaporated. I kept it up, however, out of a sense of pride for having begun it and for the identity it gave me. I also viewed it as a type of voluntary contribution to the language acquisition community. But my feelings toward it vacillated.
At the end of my counseling session, Teresa challenged me to pray in a way that had never crossed my mind. She suggested I ask the Lord, ‘What would YOU have me do with my life, since you have planted me here in Huntsville?’ That’s a much broader, open question. It actually excited me. Maybe there’s a new adventure God would have me take up, something I’ve never imagined, but one that he has been preparing me for all along. Up until now, I’ve only prayed for wisdom about continuing to invest time and energy in this ESL tool I started back in North Carolina.
Recently, God reminded me of the verse at the beginning of this post. Hence, I’ve been thinking of Sherpa guides. I can imagine climbing a perilous Himalayan peak, tightly tied to my guide. Using only climbing poles, my back is weight free. If the ascent challenges me, my guide takes the lead. Other times, I walk beside him, securely attached to my moving stronghold.
Isn’t that a picture of how our Christian life is to be? No anxiety should burden us if we keep casting each one on our guide, the Holy Spirit. Paul picks up this reality in his letter to the Philippians. Because the Lord is near, we are privileged to keep handing over all worries.
Wouldn’t it be a stupid sight to behold, a mountain climber loaded down with all his heavy baggage and struggling to keep up with the Sherpa guide who burden free hiked along?
Yesterday morning when I journaled, I wrote to Jesus, asking him to show me what he wants me to do here in Huntsville. I asked him specifically, ‘What do YOU say about…?’ and I listed all the ‘chosen’ activities I do during the week. Then at the gym, the Holy Spirit brought to mind James’ advice:
If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. James 1:5-6 NLT
I thanked the Lord for this promise and reminded myself that if I trust him to provide wisdom, to respond to my prayer, then I don’t need to keep thinking and deliberating. Especially if he truly is my divine Sherpa guide on whom I have off-loaded this issue that has perturbed me on and off for 2 years!
I’m excited to see where he is leading me, what he is going to open up for me. If I count on him to keep being God and to continue his faithful pattern of how he cares for his chosen sheep, then I can rest in his promised provision of wisdom and insight.
September 9, 2021
2 Corinthians 2, Holy Spirit, Humility, Satan, Spiritual Warfare Adam and Eve, Andrew Murray, Creation, Holiness, Humility, Humility and Absolute Surrender, Neediness, Self-sufficiency, Sisyphus 1 Comment
We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 Berean Study Bible
September in Alabama means withering heat. As I watered my ferns the other day, a disheartening thought flooded my mind: ‘Life is just one chore after another!’
‘That’s horrible, Lord! Say it ain’t so!’, I desperately prayed. Immediately, I countered with as many truths that I could muster. For God has given me the ability to control my thoughts, to capture them and not sink under them. He has endowed humans with rational minds. I am not enchained to the suggestions that flit through my mind.
As I countered this enemy attack, I directed my gaze to the beauty of my plants, to the view I had from our second-story balcony and thanked God for his good gifts. A new thought flowed from having turned my attention to the Eternal One. I’ve read that as ‘I AM’, he inhabits each moment, so each of our moments is eternal, because they are stamped with the creator’s mark.
Already I started to feel cheerier.
Once again, I had been caught blindsided, by what I now know as a Satan-suggestion. I’m learning to be more alert for these very effective attacks.
As I’ve written in earlier posts, this season’s sanctification curriculum designed by the supreme guidance counselor, the Holy Spirit, is aimed at humbling me. That might sound painful, but I’m finding it to be freeing. Andrew Murray’s book, Humility and Absolute Surrender (assigned by the Spirit and sent to me by Regina) has convinced me of the spaciousness of accepting as gift the awareness that I have been designed to be needy, rather than to be enough. I am learning to see each little humiliation, disappointment, delay as divine gifts. So far, I have been able to smile when I recognize them. But, knowing the Holy Coach, he has more challenging training programmed.
The fern incident gave me a helpful insight in what it means to embrace humility. Part of my obsessive quest to be enough as Maria (the opposite of acknowledging one’s emptiness) has included the capacity to get a lot done. What’s ironic is that when Satan through watering my plants pointed to an endless stretch of tasks, he thought he could feed my productivity itch with his depressing message. Instead, it reminded me that I was not created to DO, but to BE.
God gave Adam and Eve all they needed in abundance. Furthermore, out of love, he daily sought them out, delighting in their happiness. Sure, they were tasked with tending creation, but he didn’t fellowship with them to see if they had completed all their chores for the day.
Then Satan entered stage right and they swallowed the evil antagonist’s suggestion of self-sufficiency, thereby rejecting their father’s kindness. They were hood-winked into believing and preferring the idea that they could be enough. That they didn’t need God. Would that they had humbly brought this plan to their creator for his take on it.
Instead, they fell for the lie, thus enslaving themselves and their descendants to the rule of Satan, the supreme head over the Kingdom of Do.
Out of his never-ending love for us, God has been steadily working his original good plan to free us from Satan. I can imagine no greater gift than God’s liberation. Through regeneration, he gave me eyes to see the lie and a heart that desired to turn to him. At that moment, the Holy Spirit transferred me into the Kingdom of Be.
Happy humility and restful trust in THIS King are the twin principles of those who understand God’s plan. Yet, Satan doesn’t easily give up. He keeps marketing the lure, the supposed reward of feeling ‘enough’ through doing more.
For too much of my life, I’ve been a sucker for that carrot. But, behind that fake, glittering prize lies ongoing enslavement and the Sisyphean burden of always doing and never gaining the relief I yearn for.
Thank you, Holy Spirit, for alerting me yet again to the lie. Help me, by your power, continually to ‘hand over each thought to Jesus’ for him to evaluate it and tell me his truth.
June 24, 2021
Guilt, Holy Spirit, Joy, Philippians 2, Psalm 116, Romans 8, Satan, Shame, Spiritual Warfare Burdens, Calling, Condemnation, Freedom, Oswald Chambers, Spiritual Attack Leave a comment
There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For in Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set you free. Romans 8:1-2 Berean Study Bible
Oh, the places we have lived and the friends we have made. England, Virginia and North Carolina enriched us the most. We now live in Alabama. My former school colleagues, church friends, neighbors with whom I WANT to stay in contact now number in the 20s, I would imagine. These are people for whom I still pray and feel close, but in different degrees. Deciding who is in my ‘inner circle’ has been challenging. I have limited emotional energy and time to invest. I imagine that’s the same for you.
Add to those different groups of friends from our past, God has planted us in yet another community with new neighbors, church friends and colleagues at Mike’s office.
How have I organized those in whom I invest? There’s my mother-in-law with whom I spend 30 minutes twice weekly on a Zoom call, keeping up with her. Two grandkids I occasionally (depending on their schedules) teach either French or Spanish by Zoom. Then there are two close friends I’ve chosen to invest in. With one gal, I connect daily through Voxer, an asynchronous audio messaging platform. My other regular friend and I leave lengthy video messages for each other once a week, using Marco Polo. They are the gals who are closest to my heart.
Yet, I feel overwhelmed with how to ‘handle’ other friends. ‘Shoulds’ distract me and cause me guilt:
So, what’s the problem? There is not enough time to schedule in all these people, given my other responsibilities. Plus, I feel guilty in admitting that these ‘shoulds’ feel like a burden. The background music in my mind keeps playing the same-ole refrain, “Something is wrong with me that I don’t want to stay in touch with everyone; that’s selfish!”
This morning I woke up heavy with, “I don’t do enough to stay connected to people, past and present.”
Journaling my raw thoughts during my morning time with Jesus and my Bible always help me process what I’m feeling and thinking. The Holy Spirit always helps me sort through the yuk and bring me out into the light.
Here’s how once again, he came to my rescue.
With relief, I wrote down exactly how I was feeling condemned and distracted. Having finished reading the appointed scriptures for the day, I then opened up my Oswald Chambers app on my phone. The first whiff of freedom emerged. ‘Don’t worry anymore about yourself….’
Copying Oswald’s exhortation, I then wrote this conclusion: ‘Every time I start to think I’m not enough, recognize that I am focused on the wrong issue. Leave it alone and hop over to the most important issue: ‘Jesus, YOU did enough for me. I am enough IN you.’
That triggered this idea: ‘What if I focused and meditated on your ‘enufness’, Jesus? Oh! Didn’t I recently read something about being sprung from prison? Yes! Here it is, from yesterday’s scripture: Psalm 116:16 You threw open my prison door.
That truth set me to considering a daring suggestion that seemed to spring up from inside. ‘What if I DIDN’T initiate contacts with my other old friends and new acquaintances here? What if I just trusted the Holy Spirit to lead people to contact me if they want to catch up? Could I DARE give that a try? That would feel SO freeing!
But what about all the exhortations to ‘one another’ and love brothers and neighbors?’
God encouraged me by bringing Philippians 2:13 to mind. You know that statement Paul makes where he writes that it is God himself who gives us the desire to work for his good pleasure.
I looked up ‘desire’ in the Greek. Glancing down at the various meanings, I dared to hope that this was the answer. Desire can also be expressed as:
With mounting energy, I asked, ‘What excites me?’ I didn’t have to think. The answer flooded my heart:
You know, that line in Philippians clearly teaches that it is God who plants desires in us that conform to his purposes and good pleasure. ‘Could it be that simple? To follow my God-given desires, especially this urge to write? Is my craft, my calling to express myself beautifully in order to connect and encourage others? Is that why the Holy Spirit daily brings me fresh ideas that link his word with my life?
And the Spanish, well that’s clear. The absolute joy and pleasure of growing more proficient. For years, I taught French to adolescents. Now, I get to expand my areas of fluency, giving me entrée into a different world with fascinating people. Describing my language acquisition process and what I feel inside as a second-language learner thrills me.’
I put my pen down and closed my journal to get ready for my exercise class. Throughout the day, I have been letting these ideas sink in. I think I’m on the right track, for not even three weeks ago one of my friends reminded me that the Holy Spirit corrects with gentleness. He doesn’t condemn.
More than just a solution to ‘what do I do with all the people from my past’, God confirmed what he has called me to do. Satan apparently likes to suck away our joy and burden us with duties that God maybe hasn’t appointed. I’m quicker to recognize Satan’s ploys, that shame-producing condemnation together with distracting thoughts.
Return to your rest, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you! Psalm 116:7 Berean Study Bible.
I’ll let you know what happens, as I leave to the Lord my other friends and acquaintances. I believe I can trust him to let me know when I should engage.
August 20, 2020
God's workmanship, Guilt, Holy Spirit, Matthew 5, Philippians 1, Promises, Sanctification, Satan, Selfishness Keeping my word, Training in Holiness 3 Comments
But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes ‘ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil. Matthew 5:37 (NASB)
I bet you’d agree with me, that it’s easy to fall into trouble through what comes out of our own mouths.
Just a couple days ago I had one of those pop quizzes from God. It wasn’t new material; in fact it was a review of a character trait that he is working to form in me – that of being true to my word. Apparently, I still need the reinforcement!
I have a cousin in another state. Let’s call her ‘Sue’. Sue and her husband ‘Pete’ and I usually check in with each other by phone once every couple of months. She works during the day, so our catch-up calls are in the evening. The least convenient time for me.
When Mike gets home from work, I focus on him during our ‘sacred’ happy hour/dinner prep/sharing prayers and dining part of the evening. Then when the dishes are done, I enjoy sipping my tea, nibbling on my 100 % cacao dark chocolate and reading – ‘Maria Time’.
I knew that Pete’s oldest grandson was to start college this fall, so while I was cooking blackened salmon on Monday night, I texted Pete and asked for an update. He immediately called back, but I didn’t answer because it was time to flip the blackened salmon in my cast iron pan. Once safely searing on the other side I texted back: ‘Can’t talk now, I’m cooking salmon!’
He texted back: Call us when you finish dinner and I’ll tell you about the grandkids.
I inwardly grimaced and said, ‘How about tomorrow night!’ And so, it was settled.
The next day, my selfishness started kicking in. The urge to postpone grew stronger and stronger. Finally, I decided to ‘just be honest’ and propose a different time, maybe during the day (when it isn’t so costly to me to spend time with someone on the phone). But if it were during the day, I knew it would have to be a chat just with Pete who is retired, because Sue works full time still.
After dinner I texted Pete with that proposal. We ate dinner. I was relieved that I had been forthcoming with Pete, sharing that the reason I wanted to reschedule the chat to a day time was because I focused on my husband during the evenings, (leaving out the ‘Maria Time’ part of the truth).
But God began to chide me! I was not at peace.
Ignoring the lack of peace while we cleaned up the kitchen, I made some tea, sat down to check my texts and emails before settling in to read. I saw a response from Pete.
He simply had texted back: “Call Sue’s cell, mine is dying.”
There it was…foiled by God! Cornered into keeping my original word to Pete.
So, I called Sue’s cell. The three of us chatted, catching up. Toward the end of our call Sue asked me to pray about an important meeting happening the next day. I realize that had I allowed my selfishness to rule, I would have missed knowing about Sue and her need. I even took the opportunity DURING our chat to pray out loud for her.
When she wrote me after her meeting, she thanked me and reported that knowing that I was praying for her had kept her calm and at peace. Pinged!!!
Had it NOT been for the persistent nagging of the Holy Spirit I would not have kept my word. Thank you, Father!! I think I understand why keeping one’s word is important.
But I don’t think the Father believed I had REALLY learned my lesson. Two days later, He gave me another opportunity to practice faithfulness to what I had assured a friend I would do. She had asked me to listen to one of her pastor’s sermons. I replied that I would the next time I was on the treadmill.
I did set my iPhone to the podcast and started to listen to the 40-minute sermon once I hopped on the treadmill. But halfway through Satan ganged up against me WITH my natural selfish bent and whispered: ‘You can stop now, halfway through and shift to what you rather listen to. As long as you are honest and tell your friend that you listened to a good chunk of the sermon…..’
My response THIS time was immediate. I spoke back: ‘But I TOLD her, my words were explicit, that I would listen to the sermon during my treadmill time!’
This time it felt good to stick to my word, the FULL intent of my word. And you know what? I finished the sermon and STILL had time to listen to the podcast I wanted to hear.
God is SO good and gentle. And I am SO selfish, but…..I take comfort in his promise in Phil 1:6: And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in ME will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (ESV)
December 22, 2018
1 Peter 3, Faith, God's Sovereignty, Holy Spirit, Husbands, Peace, Trust, Trusting God, Worry Abraham, Fear, Guidance, Peace, Peter, rest, Sarah 2 Comments
Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 1 Peter 3:3-6
I love this report about Sarah. I find her refreshing. I am relieved that it is her Peter exhorts us to copy. Yet I know the full story of Sarah. I know that Peter, guided by God’s Spirit, has selected the characteristics of Sarah WHEN SHE WAS AT HER BEST! Yes, Moses wrote the unvarnished account of this matriarch who didn’t trust God all the time. She is the one who thought she knew best how they could ‘get a baby’. So she made her personal servant sleep with an old, old man. And then she treated Hagar shamefully.
(One sin I think we women all share is that we, too, think we know best – pretty arrogant for a finite creature, don’t you think?_
Yet God holds her up as a role model. For me, for you (even if you are a man)
This time in life when our future feels as uncertain as that of Abraham and Sarah’s, I draw comfort from the realism-laced prescription that Peter writes. I (and Mike as well) am to cultivate a gentle and quiet disposition or attitude. None of the crazed, “But what are we going to do!!!” No need for that stress and unrest if we trust God! We don’t HAVE to know today what we will do next week.
No, I am to be like Sarah and the other ‘holy women’ of the Bible ‘who hoped in God’. That is they trusted, believed, counted on God to do and be what He said he would do.
But what sells me on wanting to be like my mother, or older sister Sarah is how Peter writes, “She didn’t fear what was frightening!”
We live in a scary world. And it’s always been that way since the Fall. That’s reality. Yet because we have the happy, sovereign, good and all-wise triune God, we are NOT to fear.
So, do I know what will happen, what our future holds? No. But I am growing more able to rest and feel assured that God does know and is sovereignly working out the details. We are to rest, trust, watch and be ready to move out. To travel light.
Sarah left her home and friends behind in Ur. No mention is made of her pining away about what she left behind. She moved and tented wherever her husband led. Trusting and submitting to this fallible husband BECAUSE she trusted God. And she was at rest.
I bet she didn’t have a worry line in her old face!
July 12, 2018
1 Thessalonians 4, Hebrews 12, Holy Spirit, John 16, John 3, Life, Luke 1, Sanctification, Soul growth, Struggles, suffering Childbirth, CS Lewis, Holiness, John the Baptist, Mary Leave a comment
Consider Mary. Pregnant with God’s glory. (see Luke passage at the end)
Like some of you, I have given birth to two children. As each pregnancy advanced, my growing state became more and more of a hindrance to my ‘normal’ pattern of life prior to conception.
And THEN, that final couple of days of growing and UNBELIEVABLY intense, painful contractions – it was far from pleasant. But effective. And new life, when fully formed and ready for THIS world, was born.
Both pregnancies acquainted me with the thickness of a normal cervix and the size of an ordinary womb of which I was only vaguely aware each month.
But pregnancy and delivery taught me new things, through suffering. Were those experiences worth the experiences? Without a doubt.
How does this relate to holiness?
Picture the Spirit of God who comes to take up residence inside a new believer. As C.S. Lewis has written, this new inhabitant starts to do major renovations that a baby Christian hasn’t even asked for, let alone heard about.
Adding to Lewis’ illustration, another picture, other than ‘flipper of homes’, came to my mind this morning. I’ve been reading John Owen and John Calvin about God’s purpose in curating suffering for our growth in sanctification.
(Recall God’s will for our lives IS sanctification – 1 Thess 4:3 and how important He considers holiness, ‘without which no one will see the Lord’ – Hebr 12:14)
These classic Christian authors prompted me to think of expanding holiness WITHIN me, akin to a baby expanding in the womb. The more I submit to God’s will with humility, patience, and gratitude, the more the Holy Spirit, aka my doula or birthing coach, grows this new spiritual life within me. I’m reminded of John the Baptist’s statement about Jesus as recorded in John 3:30 – He must increase but I must decrease.
This new spiritual life IS Christ in us, the promise of future glory. (Col 1:27) Just as a pregnant mom undergoes a growing baby stretching out her womb, making room for new life, so, too, the Holy Spirit pushes against some of the old self-centered us, crowding it out to create space for His growing presence. Pain and suffering are part and parcel of pregnancy and childbirth. And so are they also in our progress toward holiness.
That Holy Spirit-induced ‘new you’ is expanding and pushing against the boundaries and walls of the ‘old you’. That thick ‘flesh’ is being thinned out, which HURTS like Hades (as my mom used to say).
That image of being ‘pregnant with God’s glory’* resonated with me this morning. Our Father is not content to let that presence of holiness engrafted in us through the Holy Spirit remain the same size. You and I must be glad, therefore, of His expansion plans to complete the work, He has pledged to do. We must learn to accept suffering as from the Hand of God, lovingly intended for our good: our holiness and thus our happiness. After all, ‘A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.’ John 16:21
Luke 1:27b-38 (NIV):
The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”
29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”
34 “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”
35 The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called[b] the Son of God. 36 Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. 37 For no word from God will ever fail.”
38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.
*pregnant with God’s glory, like Mary – a phrase I read somewhere but don’t know to whom I can attribute it.
May 7, 2017
1 Peter 1, God's Purpose, God's Sovereignty, Holy Spirit, Matthew 5, Soul growth, Sovereignty of God, Trusting God, Worries Peter, Scripture Memory, Topical Memory System 2 Comments
I’ve been memorizing the first chapter of 1 Peter.
What I like about memorizing Scripture is that it causes me to think through and meditate on the words as I try to lock them down in my brain. I started to memorize Bible verses when I was 48 years old. Wes, our youngest son, was a senior in high school.
One fall Sunday, a layman’s sermon delivered (not read) and peppered with Bible verses he clearly knew from heart wowed us both. As head of the finance committee, he had been invited to the pulpit that morning to share with us the joy and experience of giving sacrificially. After the service we both approached him to ask how he had managed to recite all that Scripture – a true feat! He told us about the Topical Memory System from the Navigators. Wes and I were immediately sold and committed ourselves to memorizing and being able to recite all 60 key verses before he left home in June for West Point.
Since then, I have worked through entire SHORT books like Colossians and whole chapters. I don’t work to retain these long chunks forever, for that would take constant practice and my practice sessions would expand as the months passed by. But for the duration of the ‘work’, I am chewing on some portion of Scripture every day, often throughout the day.
The payoff is rich.
Which brings me to this morning’s ‘aha!’ moment from verse 2 of 1 Peter 1:
A few significant activities of my life FEEL HARD these days:
What helps counter all those energy-depleting concerns that tend to occupy large parts of my mental and emotional life is the idea that these details are very much intentionally part of the Holy Spirit’s plan to sanctify. Random suffering drains, discourages and disheartens. Knowing that God has planned and intends ALL this for my good strengthens me to endure.
I don’t think I’ve grown enough to rejoice in the trials, yet, but I know that I need to reach that point. As I walk these days in fellowship with the Spirit of Christ, I am learning His methods. EVERYthing He does is for my good, to sanctify me. I can trust Him. I MUST trust Him, if I am to flee from fear and discouragement and enlarge my capacity to enjoy God.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Matt 5:8
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