“What a cacophony of negative thoughts! Just how many of YOU ALL are there running through my head?”

June 6, 2024

Maria God's gifts, Meditation, Prayer, Thankfulness, Thanksgiving, Thinking , , , , 1 Comment

Something I read in Oswald Chambers the other morning (4 June) struck a chord.  “Am I simply repeating what God says, or am I learning to truly hear him and then to respond after I have heard what he says.”  What the Holy Spirit did with his words is pull back the curtain to show me how many fleeting, but negative notions circulate daily in my mind.  His revelation to me doesn’t directly connect with Oswald’s quote, but it’s what Jesus directed me to examine.

Holy cow!  I really do look at or evaluate my life as a glass half empty. You wouldn’t pick that up about me, for I present as an upbeat, positive encouraging gal. Even my husband registered surprise when I told him. 

Two of these running, disparaging and negative ‘tapes’ that I choose to play over and over are: 

  • We don’t have as many friends as most people…. or

We should do more with friends…. or Are we engaging enough with friends?

  • We don’t grandparent as well as others…. or What can we do to stay more in touch with our grandkids…. or What plans can we make right now to be with our grandkids?

With that God-directed realization of bad thinking, I asked Jesus’ forgiveness for declaring (even if just in my mind) and meditating on what is false, what is not true.

In reality, if I’m being objective, Mike and I actually DO have lots of friends and stay in contact with them. In fact we are traveling to England this summer specifically to see and be with friends.  And as far as our 6 grandchildren who don’t live near us, we DO see them when we can.  We DO keep in touch with them. We DO pray for them and let them know that.

What do you do when you find yourself consistently ruminating on negative and probably false thoughts? How do you escape? Because if we don’t do anything, we simply live in that dark place.

As I reflected on Oswald’s words, especially the second half “… am I learning to truly hear him and then to respond after I have heard what he says?”, the idea to thank Jesus for the friends and grandkids he has given us struck me.

Sitting out on our back patio, with the crowded birdfeeder busy with God’s hungry creation, birds and squirrels, I started a stream of thanksgiving. It was easy.  Immediately I felt lighter and my mood lifted.

That was a lightbulb moment, for sure.  All I had to do was switch the perspective. Actually, say the opposite. I found it easy to add on numerous other gifts the Lord has offered me.  

Here’s another example. Sometimes I feel squeezed and downhearted thinking about all the tasks I have self-assigned. So, I started thanking God for the time he has given me as well as other blessings:

I’m retired. I have the freedom to plan my days. I GET to grocery shop weekday mornings.  I GET to clean house with Mike on a weekday, instead of weekends. I GET to maintain contact with the many friends I have.  I GET to practice my languages and meet new people.

Over the past 3 days, I have turned my resolution to ‘take every thought captive’ into a prayer. “Father, help me to NOTICE persistent negative thought patterns so I can declare the exact opposite and turn them into thanksgivings.”

So far, this is working.  At the gym this morning, I caught myself stewing about ‘grandkids’.  And by grace, I was able to immediately turn that around and thank God FOR these precious children.

I know it’s going to take some time and much practice to create new grooves in my brain. But it’s never too late. And the immediate relief I get from thanking our good Father is reward enough for now.

What will they say about you?  What kind of legacy are you leaving?

May 30, 2024

Maria Answers to Prayer, Praise, Prayer, Psalm 71, Refuge, Uncategorized , , 1 Comment

I have become a marvel to many…..Psalm 71:7 NASB

If today you heard a man reflect on his life using those words, to what kind of explanation would your mind go? Would you conclude that he had built a successful company?  Or that he was serving in an influential position in the government or educational sphere? Might he have lots of kids and grandkids who are adulting well?

Those are all laudable accomplishments. Yet, what the psalmist describes in this scripture have only secondarily to do with him and his actions. Instead, he highlights the numerous jams he’s been throughout his life.

In verse 3, he refers to how often he has needed to flee to God’s refuge for relief and protection:

  Be a rock of refuge for me, where I can always go. (CSB)

The psalm is chock-full of praises to the Lord after his rescues. 

Describing himself as being almost a gray-haired one, he reflects on the numerous times he has called on God and depended on the Mighty One’s faithfulness in coming through.  He also enumerates current-day dangers and checks off on his fingers the enemies he has. 

Studying this kind of personal journal entry, I see a man who keeps getting knocked down, time and time again.  And one who bounces back and heals, sheltered by his Lord and with an even more compelling testimony.

From his words, I sense that his friends and family (and maybe his enemies, too) would register surprise as successive attacks and setbacks plague him.

You know people like that, right? Those who seem to have MORE than their fair share of problems, situations and disappointments?

Those watching our psalmist, just what is it that causes them to marvel?

How he never stops depending on the Lord, never ceases calling out to him. In the midst of his enemies, before he sees evidence of rescue, he declares in advance God’s ready hiding place. He then uses God’s means of protection, rejoices over the Lord’s faithfulness, following up with public praises to his God.

He’s like a mini- Job, but without demanding an explanation from God for his suffering. I think THIS is what creates amazement in all who know him. 

My husband Mike reminds me of this psalmist. As he looks back on his life, he would be the first to acknowledge the wounds, setbacks, broken dreams and other disappointments he has suffered in his life. Yet, he dependably looks to God for his help. Over and over he affirms our God’s goodness and his constancy of character.

Today is his 67th birthday. What makes his life a marvel is this faithfulness to depend on and honor God. As much as I can point to his excellence as an engineer, voice-over artist, musician, and family man, it his resilient dependence and public pointing us to God that I want to highlight. Even when he is attacked with bouts of discouragement and fear, he hies it back to God’s stronghold and points to his goodness after the attacks have passed.

Mike, thank you for your example.  May you continue to praise our triune God and not stop until you have trained up our grandkids and their future children to love the Lord and depend on Him!

Act as if…..

May 23, 2024

Maria Colossians 3, Covenants, Faith, Holy Spirit, Kingdom of God, Psalm 23, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Practice, Truth , , , , , , 1 Comment

“Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”  Hamlet to his mother

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12 NIV

Cousin Terry recommended a book written by Malcolm Smith entitled, The Power of the Blood Covenant. Yesterday morning I read from the chapter about walking in the Spirit.  The author’s premise (which tracks with the Bible) is that if we have the Spirit of Christ in us, then we are entitled to and have free access to ALL the covenant promises, rights and responsibilities that Jesus won for us.

How does that work?  I’m so thankful for the Gospel of John. In so many places, Jesus mentions that he himself is IN us and that we live IN him. Furthermore, he explains that he and the Father are one. The problem is that we don’t feel as though any of this is true.

I don’t sense the Spirit of God in me. I don’t see God’s wisdom, strength, power, peace, love, joy in me. But the Bible asserts that these are indeed mine to use since the Holy Spirit, the helper, lives in me.

As I was pondering our position vis-à-vis God and all the benefits that we are not to forget, I pictured a medieval walled city.  Imagine with me the lord or king of this city-state going out alone to make a peace treaty with a stronger and good monarch.  Our leader, our representative meets all the treaty stipulations. He accomplishes all the seemingly impossible feats of courage and self-control that are necessary to accomplish this ruler’s unheard-of standards. He does what none of us, his people, would dare or could do. 

Why not one of us?  The truth is, no one is worthy, nor are we equipped. Neither are we in a representative role to do our fellow citizens any good. But he is.

After signing the treaty agreement with his blood, he rides back victoriously with the good news.  We now belong to the most kind and powerful ruler in all creation and have been granted the privileges of his kingdom. Our life, our status has changed forever. It is a done deal. And we didn’t have to do anything. We just have to believe and stay in the Kingdom.

Immediately we notice a new flag has been hoisted and we are issued new clothes in different colors from the drab rags we wore.  With gratitude we dress ourselves in the same clothes as our new Over-Lord. As we are taught about all the changes to our status and the freedom from fear we have been given, we also learn a curious fact about our own city-state king. Even though officially co-equal with the Over-King, he submits to him.

Next we receive instruction and homework about how to act, how to treat others. We are to watch our own king and learn from him how citizens in this new government are expected to conduct themselves. Love, kindness, charity, forgiveness, humility are the new attributes we are to live into.

As we dress ourselves in our new clothes, we see different kinds of provisions being stockpiled for each individual citizen. We no longer have to worry about being defenseless against the many foes who come up against us. We are free to use new weapons to resist the enemy.

But we don’t feel different than we had the previous day, before our status changed.

This is a faint but inadequate picture of our position as those who belong to Christ.  We have been given ALL the gifts of the Kingdom of Heaven. Right now.  Along with the expectations of how to operate.

But if we don’t dress ourselves with the clothes of the Kingdom, we are in effect living as though we were mere mortals.

How do I see Mike and me working this out in our daily lives?  Mike has often commented to me, “Maria, what if we lived as if we really believed Jesus, if we really took him at his word?”

We often exchange a few ideas, yet end there with a sigh and : “Wouldn’t that be nice!”

Yesterday and today, I’ve been talking to myself, reminding myself: “Maria, you DO have Jesus’ peace, love, power, joy, wisdom, righteousness, self-control, and mind IN you. Don’t forget!  And you have all the gifts and resources that Jesus procured for you!  You don’t have to work for them, just enjoy them.”

Yes, life is hard and scary.  But I’ve gotten so good at ‘practicing the presence of being alone and dependent on myself’, that when I use my imagination poorly to contemplate a situation, I always reason without God and all his benefits. This time, I want to really live out ‘practicing the presence of God’.

The last paragraph I read this morning from Malcolm Smith’s book quoted Psalm 23:4: ….I will fear no evil, for you are with me. That’s a good place to start. For fear is Satan’s favorite and effective tool.

I’m reminding myself, that even though I will fail and forget today’s resove, this is a daily, an hourly decision that I can come back to at any time.

Does that sound doable to you? If you have the Spirit of Christ in you, then FOR SURE all his covenant-won promises and privileges are yours.  God doesn’t lie. How about trying again, with me, acting as if all were true, taking God at his word, trusting him! That is called authentic faith.  

And if we slip back into old habits, acting as if we have to face evil times and hard circumstances alone? Then we repent.

We shift our thoughts back to what is objectively true, whether we subjectively feel like it’s for real or not.  

We CAN change!

May 16, 2024

Maria 2 Corinthians 5, Genesis 22, Identity, Renewing, Trusting God , , , , , , 1 Comment

i….f anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

How have you changed since you became a Christian? I bet you can tick off a number of areas in your life that are different. I can as well, but some aspects of Maria have not been renovated.  I still carry around views of myself that turn out, it seems, to be quite limiting.

For example, I’ve often said, “I’m not good at art.” This seemed to be a reasonable truth. For some people clearly gravitate toward drawing or crafting or painting out of love. Here’s another example: Mike is very musical.  I’m not.  I tried piano lessons for 10 years and because I didn’t enjoy practicing, I didn’t grow much in skill nor in enjoyment.

These conclusions form what are called identity statements, as in: I’m not the kind of person who does X.

Recently, while listening to a podcast, I started to see for the first time just how many of these negative, limiting identities I have absorbed and frequently use.  The guest, Mike Zeller, being interviewed shared a captivating concept of alter egos. 

During the podcast, I found out that he had personally coached the host in identifying his own limiting beliefs about himself. During the conversation, listeners learned how Zeller had guided him in creating a persona that he could ‘wear’ and act like, an alter ego. Each alter ego was given a name. Zeller encourages his clients to name the old persona something silly, something mock-worthy. (think ‘Debbie Downer’ or ‘Eeyore’)

For some reason, this way of stepping away from a negative identity into a new one seemed do-able to me. Especially when I realized that a lot of my self-talk was in fact damaging me, a revelation that had never before struck me as negative. For these beliefs had seemed simply to be true.

For example, I love languages and speak various ones with different degrees of proficiency.  Yet, whenever anyone remarks, ‘Maria, you’re good at languages, they come easily to you!’, I deny that and reply, ‘Not really, I just work super hard because I really want to be fluent in all of them.’

And that’s the truth about how I have thought about myself. I had never seen that in reality, that assessment is both negative and limiting. I was stunned! 

I bet you have run similar crippling scripts through your mind without realizing it. Here is what is hopeful.  You don’t have to retrain your subconscious; you just have to catch yourself in the middle of asserting one of those ‘lines’ and step out of it into a new alter ego.

Here is what I have done. I have identified an alter ego, to whom I have given the name, “Fluent Frankie” (I had an Aunt Frances whom I don’t remember whose nickname was Frankie).

This new gal, ‘Fluent Frankie’, is programmed to respond to someone complimenting her on multiple languages: ‘Thank you! I really like languages and I have found that they are pretty easy to acquire if you’re willing to put in the time.’

I’ll give you another example.  Maria’s depressing view on picking out gifts for family has always been: ‘I’m not a creative gift giver like my husband, my son Graham or my late mother-in-law’.  That self-constructed identity has always made me dread birthdays and Christmas.  Selecting appropriate gifts that delight the person has felt like a burden.

But…..as a new creation in God, with multiple alter egos, I have created, ‘Good-gift-giver Gabbie’ (I’m picking out first names of people I have never personally known). For this new character I can choose to play thinking about and selecting gifts is FUN.

There are about 11 other invented alter egos I have created and can select from when I catch myself running a negative, depressing and limiting script. They are: Patient Paula, Leisurely Leslie, Trusting Tina, Flexible Fiora, Solid Sleeper Sammie, Fun-loving Mimi, Cheerfully-Confident Carol, Silent Susie, Worry-free Wanda, Grateful Gretchen and Stewarding Serena.

The 11 personas that involve my walk as a child of God are glimpses of how I want to grow. I desire to trust more the Father’s unchanging love for me and be more willing to obey Jesus about not fearing or worrying. Handing over all that concerns me because he knows me intimately and IS constantly praying for and providing for me.

Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means “the LORD will provide”). Genesis 22:14 NLT

Have you eliminated leisure and rest from your life?

May 9, 2024

Maria Exodus 35, God's commands, Rest, Sabbath, Spiritual Practice, Trusting God , , 1 Comment

Yesterday a podcast host I was listening to quoted Dallas Willard’s famous advice for improving one’s spiritual health: “You need to ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” The guest then quipped something like, “What do you make of American’s having ruthlessly eliminated leisure from life?”

With that pinging around in my mind, this morning’s passage in Exodus resonated differently than in previous years:

For six days work may be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of complete rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on that day must be put to death. Exodus 35:2 (Berean Study Bible)

Moses has just returned from his second 40-day retreat with God carrying the second set of commands. When he addresses the masses who are now curiously and cautiously awaiting him, Moses communicates God’s priorities by first addressing God’s rhythm of life. He doesn’t start with what we know as the First Commandment to have no other gods than the one true God.

No, on the contrary Moses indicates how the Hebrew people are to live and function in a manner completely different from the rest of the surrounding culture as well as the land they have fled.

Moses teaches the Lord’s view of work and rest. I’m seeing for the first time how serious God is about our need for rest.

Here’s my take having had my mind primed by Dallas Willard’s advice. People probably would not have taken this command so seriously had not Moses taught that this Sabbath day was to be done FOR God, that is for the Lord’s sake. I’m guessing that had it been a command to lay off work for one day in seven for their own benefit, for their well-being, they would have ignored it after the first week of harvest season.

God, no doubt anticipating their reaction, adds a penalty that would have captured their attention. This God of the Hebrews threatens death if they do not comply.  And you know he is right.  When we work all the time, we suffer.

Multiple studies these days show that all work and no rest or play break down our bodies. We weaken mentally, emotionally, physically, relationally as well as spiritually.  Americans, it appears, are working themselves to death.

God’s commands are meant for our wellbeing. Afterall, he created us. He knows how he intended for us to function. He’s not a cosmic ‘meanie’ depriving us of pleasure.  He’s a good father who loves us and has set boundary lines for our own good. Responsible and loving parents do the same for their children.

I admit it’s far easier for me to have margin in my day since I am now retired. I wonder how this would have landed on me when I was 40, teaching school, coaching middle school boys’ baseball, running a part-time business and serving as a Bible Study Fellowship leader and parenting two boys.  And did I mention marriage as well?

My mom tried to advise me. She’d say, “Maria, take time to smell the flowers!” I’d retort, “Easy for YOU to say, Mom, you’re retired.”

But she was right. Rest and leisure are good gifts from our Lord. And we put ourselves in peril if we ignore God’s commands.

From Helicopter Parent to Helicopter Wife

May 2, 2024

Maria Answers to Prayer, Holy Spirit, Marriage, Parenting, Prayer, Proverbs 3 , , , , , , Leave a comment

From Helicopter Parent to Helicopter Wife

Yes, I admit, I was one of those moms.  Even before the term grew into a household word, I would try to remove difficulties from my boys’ lives. If I’m honest, I was more motivated to make their lives easier for my sake. I don’t like people around me to be unhappy. 

That’s pretty naïve, given that in this life, we are guaranteed afflictions. Unfortunately, I grew up with a father who modeled trying to keep everyone happy. Peace at any cost.

For most of our sons’ growing up years, I was not yet a biblical Christian. Nor had I even heard of the caterpillar-cocoon-butterfly analogy. We’ve all probably heard the story of how someone with good intentions trying to ease the struggle of the emerging butterfly actually doomed this beautiful creature to an early death by helping her to emerge from her cocoon.

One time when our oldest son was in 8th grade, he felt his English teacher wasn’t treating him fairly. We called for a meeting with the teacher so Graham could air his grievances. In hindsight we should have encouraged him first to seek a solution himself with the man.

To my shame, I even had my husband write one of Graham’s college professors his freshman year when he earned a C that first fall semester.

This same tendency to want to ‘magic away’ our sons’ problems wasn’t confined to just them. Rather, I have brought that pattern into my marriage.

For years, just because I desired a ‘happy husband’, I’ve tried to fix things for my husband without him asking for my assistance. This is called ‘mothering’ as I recently read.  Mothering one’s children is appropriate (though not in those ways I tried to shield Graham and Wes from good growth opportunities).  However, treating an adult man (and especially my husband) that way is demeaning and dishonoring.

I’m learning now how I’ve made an idol of a ‘pleasant life’.  I’ve been slow to realize that people’s feelings are their responsibility and that upsets and problems can’t be avoided. On the contrary, difficulties provide opportunities for us to grow. Healthy families support one another during trials, offering empathetic love.

In addition, Christian parents and spouses have been given the gift of calling upon Jesus on behalf of the families.  I’m beginning to learn how when we have to struggle with the Lord’s help through a situation, we learn something more about God.  So, why would I want to stand in the way of that kind of blessing for family or friends?

Back to our kids, I do see that despite trying inappropriately to spare Graham from the reality of a mediocre college grade, God guided us to allow him to work alone through a crisis with the Lord.  After that first semester of college, Graham felt dissatisfied with James Madison University and the traditional college track. We allowed him to apply over Christmas to Berklee College of Music. The problem arose when he got accepted and he had to make the decision what to do, whether to stay at JMU after this first year or move to Boston.

As he had been growing as a Christian, we let him struggle with God and pray through the decision.  Wrestle he did, going back and forth in whether he should stay or go for about a month.  One morning, all of a sudden, as he explains it, he awoke feeling he should stay at JMU and not leave. He let that decision sit and as it persisted into the next day and beyond days, he realized that the Lord had indeed led him to an answer. And all through prayer.

Looking back, I see the benefit of treating him as an adult and allowing him to work it out with God. Seeing the Lord actually guide him in a decision about real life, a crisis, changed his faith from theoretical to real.

I know he would say that this was the right decision because once he decided to stay, he threw himself into college life. He formed a band with two friends and met Shay, his wife of 17 ½ years.

Recently, Jesus has been pointing me to how I have perhaps NOT been as good a wife to my husband as I should. For my own sake, I have attempted to create, reframe or control events just to avoid having to deal with the normal frustrations Mike has felt at various times.

It’s not like I don’t have a good example of a mature spouse who trusts the Lord and treats others as he would like to be treated.  He doesn’t try to solve ‘my problems’. He only weighs in when I ask for his advice. 

I welcome the opportunity to make some changes, especially when directed by the Holy Spirit!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. Proverbs 3:5-7 NIV

I’m a slow learner in God’s school of Holiness

April 25, 2024

Maria Forgiveness, Genesis 3, Holiness, Philippians 1, Romans 7, Sin , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15 ESV

I don’t know when I started realizing that what I was learning in God’s ‘school of holiness training’ was not sticking. Naively, I assumed that once I ‘learned my lesson’ and practiced the new behavior, I could move on to something else.  At a certain age, maybe in my 40s, I began to see that Jesus was recycling past teaching points over and over. When I would mention this phenomenon to some older-in-the-faith Christians, they would flash a gentle, but knowing smile of agreement.

For example, I’d have victory over fear by God’s grace, only to fall back into imagining the future as though it were up to me and my limited resources.  How embarrassing that I could forget what had I had painfully learned not that long ago about the sin of fear.

Or, I would have been gently chastised by Jesus for boasting and talking too much about Maria, repented and relished one, maybe two victories.  Only to catch myself repeating the same self-centered behavior. 

The Holy Spirit reminded me this week of another sin pattern that I have yet kill. My sometimes-patronizing attitude with Mike.

To the woman he said, “……. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 NIV

It happened like this.  The other night, Mike started to share with me how discouraged he felt about his YouTube channel where he reads children’s classics out loud. He has a good voice for reading, is skilled at narrating, recording and editing audio books. This channel is his gift to anyone who loves to be read to. He does it without seeking compensation.

What was causing him to feel pessimistic and disheartened? The relative few views of some recent videos. 

Instead of listening quietly with love and compassion, I launched into ‘Parent Mode’, practically interrogating him on his motives for starting the channel. And how he should not only not look at his YouTube analytics, but should also go out into the community and find children or senior adults who would love to be read to.

Had he asked for my advice?

What motivated me to be so didactic instead of gentle and patient, intent only on understand his feelings?

It was Eve’s sin, that of wanting to rule over, to shape and mold her husband according to HER image of what he should be like.  I’ve done this numerous times. It is disrespectful and puts distance between us. 

I could tell that I had gone too far but I tried to cover for myself by saying, “I’m so glad we have reached the point in our marriage where we can speak the ‘truth in love’ to one another.  Afterall, I give you permission to speak into my life, too! “

You need to know that Mike NEVER treats me this way. If he thinks I am doing something wrong, he’ll tell me directly.  He won’t manipulate and hide his ulterior motives like I do.

I went on trying to soften my ‘lecture’ by adding, ‘Keep adding more content to your channel. This is a really good and worthy project.  It doesn’t matter if it only benefits a few people. It’s your gift to others, however many or few.”

Poor Mike didn’t know how to deal with the mixed messages I was sending.  

With no real resolution, we transitioned by watching a Netflix series we like while eating our supper. The evening passed without any more discussion on that topic.

That night, I couldn’t sleep.  God gave me severe leg cramps and some arthritic pain. When I sat down with him yesterday morning, he had my full attention.  It was only then that I saw my sin. And felt shame, remorse and pain for how I had hurt Mike.

What made it harder to swallow was that this is not the first time I have ‘scolded’ my husband.  This is neither loving nor honoring to him, nor to God the Father who created him nor to Jesus who died for him.

When Mike got up a while later, I immediately confessed my shameful display and asked him to forgive me.  He was so gentle and comforting to me.  I also asked him to pray for me to be the kind of wife God intends.

With each lesson repeat, I see how gracious and patient the Holy Spirit is with us.  Yes, we fail. Yes, we have to relearn lessons and practice new patterns of thinking and acting. The good news that brings me peace is this assurance, this promise:

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6 NLT

Do you believe in what is invisible?

April 18, 2024

Maria Belief, John 20, Prayer, Satan, Spiritual Warfare, Unbelief , , , , , 1 Comment

Then Jesus told him, “You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.” John 20:29 NLT

Saturday, while walking along the greenway trail behind our house, I stopped to chat with a couple who own the breed of dog I would choose, were I ever to be a dog owner. (We are cat lovers!) This husband and wife exercise their pair of miniature Australian sheepdogs every day, throwing frisbees wide and far for them to chase. 

To control one of her dogs, the ‘mom’ carries a whistle that only dogs and other animals can pick up. It emits a soundwave at a frequency that humans can’t detect. Her disobedient dog doesn’t like it and immediately stops chasing the squirrel or other critter that tempt him to bound away.

I have to take this woman’s word that the whistle really produces a sound. I can’t hear it, but apparently it is reality.  Just like I can’t see other phenomena that truly exist. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t real.  I searched for another example to share with you.  

Apparently, photographers have found a way to capture the fluorescent radiance of flowers using a technique called UVIVF (ultraviolet-induced visible fluorescence) photography. The naked eye can’t catch this intrinsic quality, but the photos I saw on line showed a beautiful glow around blossom.

Logically, if we take as a given the things in nature that we can’t detect with our human senses, then would it not follow that a God who is invisible to us could also exist? Especially, since there are eye-witness accounts?

I, as a believer, trust God and accept the scriptures as true. Yet, I still functionally act as an unbeliever in one major way.  Even though Jesus told his disciples that he would be with them always, I go about the majority of my day not talking to Jesus as though he were present. Which he is.

I’m like many of the clients I meet at our local choose life pregnancy center. A fair number identify themselves Christians. But they don’t accept that Jesus IS alive and present. Since they don’t feel him, or see him, it’s as though he isn’t here. And that makes it easy to ignore him.

I don’t want ever to ignore Jesus.  So, I make a point of talking out loud to him during my quiet time. I sit at the dining room table and address the Lord sitting across from me.  I chat with him, thanking him, praising him and committing my cares and those of others to him for the day. I also ask his opinion about things that are bothering me.

But sometimes that is the only time of day, I talk to him. I’m trying to change. But Satan seems to interpose little obstacles that hinder my engaging with the living Son of God. This morning, during my quiet time, I found myself putting off talking to him.

After reading and meditating on the passages for today, I wanted to move on and read a couple of devotionals, instead of praying first.  I said to myself, ‘I’ll read Oswald Chambers and John Piper to see what they have to say this morning. Then I’ll talk to Jesus.”  Clearly, I preferred reading what some men had to say about Jesus rather than hearing from the living Lord right there in my dining room.

By grace, I realized that I was stalling, and with the Lord present!  That felt embarrassing. What could be more important than being together, face to face with our Father, our Brother and the Holy Spirit, the triune almighty and holy God?

If you’re like me, then we need to accept as fact that we’ll encounter some kind of resistance, maybe even every day.  Proof positive, that Satan doesn’t want us relying on the presence of God, of talking to him and hearing from him.   Much ‘safer’ if we just discuss the Lord, as someone from the past. Even as we pay lip service to the reality of the living Jesus.

What can we do? Wearing a rubber band or bracelet on your wrist might be a tool, or setting a timer to ping every 30 minutes as a reminder. What I’m choosing to do is use my little old-school 4×6 spiral notebook. I look at it frequently throughout my day.  This morning I added another ‘to do’:

“Talk to you, Jesus, throughout the day.” 

Do you need humbling?

April 11, 2024

Maria God's Discipline, God's Sovereignty, God's wisdom, Humility, Philippians 2, Psalm 149 , , , , , 1 Comment

He crowns the humble with victory. Psalm 149:4 NIV

A dear friend of ours, a pastor, is undergoing a Calvary-like experience. He and four other ordained ministers are being unjustly accused by an insecure senior pastor of many things. Over the past two years at his church, these experiences have been growing progressively worse. All those who are standing with him pray for ‘victory’ soon.

His painful trial triggered a memory of the humbling trauma I endured at my last school. Lasting almost six years, it blind-sided me. With joy and excitement, I had started a school year, in this new environment with 21 years of teaching French behind me.  Never did I anticipate what the Lord would put me through.

Half-way into my first year, some disgruntled parents painted a false picture of how I had treated their middle-schoolers.  The administration, anxious to keep them as paying clients at this high-end private school, sided with them.  I spent the rest of my time under probation, with much documentation of my ‘progress’ or lack in my official file.

Even though the accusations were unfounded in my mind, I did grow spiritually.  I clung more to Jesus than I had in recent years. I trained myself to submit to the shame-producing supervision and frequent evaluations.  My stomach learned to produce acid each time the principal’s secretary notified me that ‘Jeff’ wanted to meet with me.

I came out of those years a more humbled woman, a better teacher and grateful for the support I received from family, a few close friends and a couple of sympathetic colleagues. 

I had undergone a previous humbling story at an earlier school, half-way through my teaching years. Never did I anticipate another one. Nor did I imagine God’s other delivery method of lessons in humility, family members!  (I’ve already written about that in this blog.)

So, what about humility?  If our Father loves us and is good and has our best interests at heart, why does he plan all this?  It hurts!

The only conclusion is that we must need it. I’m not saying that what our friend is undergoing highlights a character flaw in him. But God has designed and ordained these lessons.  Knowing our gentle friend, I doubt that he has a big ego that requires ‘tailoring’ to size.  Our Father has myriads of reasons for his lessons. For now, his purposes must stay in the category of ‘the secret things of God’.

It helps to recall that Jesus suffered a lot of humility.  Just even coming to earth as one of us defines humiliation. Imagine his trajectory, that from King of the Universe and honored, beloved Son of God, to a baby born out of wedlock into a poor family in the backwaters of Galilee.

But the difference between Jesus and us, is that our Savior didn’t need to be humbled.  Yet in God’s plan, he had to suffer all that we go through to be able to identify with us and help us.

And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Philippians 2:8 NIV

All I’m reading these days points me to the value of humility.  One thing is for sure! This time, I don’t want to wait to BE humbled.  I want to start seeking little ways to grow right now new reflexes and attitudes.  I want to receive correction and criticism with gentleness, accepting that it comes from my Father’s hand.

I’ll close with some quotes on how to grow more humble from Dallas Willard towards the very end of his book, A Life without Lack.

“Accept every humiliation, look upon every fellow-man who tries or vexes you as a means of grace to humble you.  Use every opportunity of humbling yourself before your fellow-men as a help to abide humble before God….This is your best prayer and proof that your whole heart desires to grow in humility.”

My new heart – 10 days old 

April 5, 2024

Maria Forgiveness, Heart, Matthew 15, Prayer, Proverbs 4, Repentance , , , , , 1 Comment

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.Proverbs 4:23 NLT

It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth. Matthew 15:11 NLT

In my last blog, I wrote about how Jesus revealed the life-long accumulation of poison I had let fester in my heart. Two consecutive outpourings of disproportionate and ugly words aimed at my poor husband caused me to admit that I had a problem about which I knew very little.

God is good and loving when he gently makes us confront reality. Last week was like being deliberately carried to the doctor to receive a diagnosis I had not been expecting and squirmed when forced to face. But I left that ‘office appointment’ with a recipe for health and lots of hope.

What has stayed with me since then is the certainty that through confession to both Jesus and Mike and receiving (and believing) their forgiveness, I have been given a brand-new and clean heart.  The old is gone and the new one has replaced it. That fact has 2 serious implications.

One, since all the accumulated ‘ungrieved losses and unresolved disappointments’ (Chris Cook’s words from his latest book Healing what you can’t Erase), regrets, unmet expectations, resentments, shaming events, and years of boasting were lifted from Maria and removed forever, I need not nor dare not revisit them when I’m tempted to seek self-pity.

Secondly and more importantly is the fact that I have a brand-new, pure and clean heart. I have been VERY conscious of that fact, not wanting to spoil my new heart. But I know that I am still a sinner, albeit a redeemed and forgiven one. And until I am reunited with Jesus I will stumble again and again, needing to acknowledge, lament, repent and receive cleansing pardon.

I have been more careful of my heart in these last ten days. As I’m finishing up Dallas Willard’s book A Life without Lack, I’m adopting some of his recommended practices to assist me.  At night and in the morning, I am trying out a new routine of asking Jesus straight out: What troubles you about me and how I lived this day? Where did I boast or judge others? Where did I forget that you were with me? Where did I wrap myself up in Maria’s interests and neglected what you wanted me to do?

I don’t want to get lazy and drift into old habits. New regimens take energy and time until they are more automatic.

This checking in with Jesus twice a day is how I want to keep my heart clean.

The places during the day where I have allowed some yuk to enter my heart can be confessed and forgiven. Once removed from my heart creates a better probability that what comes OUT of my mouth won’t be ugly.

Even though Jesus taught that it’s not what goes into our mouths that defile us, I know for a fact, that what goes into my mind CAN plant poisonous seeds in that place I’m commanded to guard. In a short time, ugly plants will sprout and hurt someone else.

This ‘agricultural’ work, a daily discipline, is growing into a burden-relieving joy. Maybe I can become a master gardener one of these days!

Older Entries Newer Entries