Do you feel courageous in your daily life?

August 6, 2024

Maria 2 Corinthians 5, Confidence, courage, Prayer, Trusting God, Uncategorized , , Leave a comment

Therefore, being always of good courage….2 Corinthians 5:6 NASB

Reading this affirmation from Paul, I had an inkling that another meaning for the Greek term might be cheerful.  Sure enough, ‘tharreo’ also signifies:  being of good cheer, being hopeful, bold, and confident.

When I think of courage, I think of a physical feeling surging up.  But I can’t identify with that.  However, I can imagine being cheerfully light-hearted because of God. 

What I know of him from the Bible, the perpetual non-ending nature of all his attributes, fills me with confidence in God and true hope for the future.

Thinking of cheery people, I picture someone not preoccupied with himself, freed from the smallness of self-focus. 

Only by meditating on Jesus as my older brother, on the Holy Spirit as my helper and on the warm welcome of the Father can my face broadcast a relaxed smile. 

Of course, the personal Almighty will take care of all my concerns, especially those heavy and ‘No Exit’ (think Sartre) burdens people dear to me carry.

Turning ‘events’ into adventures

July 11, 2024

Maria Fear, Humility, John 17, Knowing Jesus, Prayer, Service , , , 4 Comments

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,

The clouds ye so much dread

Are big with mercy, and shall break

In blessings on your head.

Stanza 3, William Cowper, Light Shining out of Darkness

All week long, with intentionality, I have fought back old patterns of imagining the worst. Daily I have sought a different truth with which to fight fear. 

Anne had pointed me to Cowper’s poem more than 2 years ago when I was worried about what another family member might ask me to do to help my mother-in-law.  I had been traveling a lot already and did not want to add another air trip.  Besides sharing the Cowper verses, she had me actually articulate the worst that could happen: “I’ll have to fly out to Seattle and escort her to Asheville. And I don’t want to.” Anne then responded: ‘Do you think you’ll survive that short hardship?”

Well, put that way, what could I do but nod ‘yes’?

This morning reading Oswald Chambers devotion for July 11, I saw a healthier and saner way to approach ‘worst case scenarios’.

Oswald describes just how to think about all of life. It’s to keep reminding myself that the purpose of life, of every occurrence I face is to know Jesus.

Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. John 17:3 NIV

And we ‘learn him’ better through every experience, from menial tasks to scary events. That is, IF we remember to view events from that perspective.

Using Jesus’ example of washing his disciples’ feet, Oswald writes that Jesus was willing to humble himself since he knew two fundamental truths: that he had come from God and was returning to God.

Continuing with Oswald, I should not approach a commitment, a volunteer responsibility or household chore with the attitude: ‘There’s work to be done, I must do it’. Instead, I should bring an attitude of wonder to the work at hand.  ‘I wonder what I will learn about Jesus in this?’

Just now sitting in the dental hygienist’s chair, the Holy Spirit reminded me, “This is an ‘event’.  (No, I don’t dread the dentist’s office!) Be on the alert from what you can learn about Jesus.”

I’ve been praying for ‘Karina’ since my last appointment, that she would come to know Jesus. With the Spirit’s prompt, as she removed tools from my mouth I asked her if her mom and dad were believers. That’s when I found out she grew up with Hispanic parents who never went to church.  I broke into Spanish and chatted with her some and created a point in common.  Now I understand more why she has no spiritual point of reference.

This is actually fun! Every part of my day is a new adventure if I seek to see more of Jesus.

And when it comes to those events I dread or worry about, I will continue to work on changing old patterns of fearful imagining of future problems. To that end, I’m copying Jesus, by applying and personalizing John 17:3 –  Since I know the Father loves me, I will do/face what is at hand, eager to know Jesus in a new way.  For this is what true life is.

His mercies soften our suffering

July 4, 2024

Maria God's Mercy, Psalm 109, Uncategorized Leave a comment

… he stands beside the needy, ready to save them. Psalm 109:31 NLT

We’re watching Season 4 of The Chosen. One of Jesus’ followers dies shortly after Jesus heals the man born blind. Angry puzzlement surfaces when the Savior does not revive this one.  But we do see him enter grief with his mourning friends. Although he must follow the Father’s will, Jesus sorrows.

This morning, lingering over Psalm 109, I thought of what we watched last night. Verse 31 says Jesus STANDS next to us in our suffering. Standing up signals his readiness to act.

How comforting to know how close he is.  He intends to save me.  But I must leave my rescue in his hands, the how and when and what that looks like.

I also see how being needy is what qualifies me for his help. It is good to be needy and to admit it. Sometimes I’m afraid of future suffering (guaranteed!). But I know God is loving and per Psalm 108:4, has stacked today’s mercies higher than the sky.

To manipulate or not; that is the crux

June 29, 2024

Maria Humility, Love, Matthew 7 , , 1 Comment

In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 NASB

Sometimes, from early on as a child or teenager, you make a pledge never to do or act like one of your parents. As a teenager, I didn’t want to be ‘weak’ or ‘lazy’ like my mom. Nor did I want to be as ‘rigid’ as my dad. (Descriptions seen through negative teenage eyes!)

But then there are the patterns of behavior that slip into you without you knowing it. It might be a long while before you can make the connection between how one of your parents acted and what you do that is just like him or her.

This is one of my stories. I’m just now recognizing, mid 60s, how I try to ‘optimize or organize’ family behavior in an attempt to improve relationships. 

Another way of describing my clumsy attempts would be:  I try to manipulate or orchestrate the words and behavior of others toward an outcome I think is optimal.

My dad did this when I was still at home.  He sensed that there was a bit of a chill between his brother’s wife, Edna, and my mom. He would plan phone calls and ‘get’ my mom to talk with Edna.  He would instruct Mom to write Edna newsy, friendly letters. And my mom would comply to please my dad.

Now you have to know my mom.  She was the most people-loving person I have ever known.  As a practiced journalist, there wasn’t any one she couldn’t establish a connection and get them talking with ease.

She would also share how good Jesus was with every stranger she met.  Then having learned ‘their life’s story’ would pray on the spot for them.

But my aunt Edna (as well as my mother-in-law, Terry) were not women who warmed to my mom. 

It’s a fact, not everyone is going to like us. Even if we have a genuine love for people.  Even if they are part of the family.

My dad wouldn’t accept that Edna didn’t care for my mother and he would push her to keep trying to engage with his sister-in-law.  He also did that with me, forcing me to show emotions that I didn’t have.  I learned to fake sympathy, empathy and apologies just to appease him. He never seemed to pick up on their inauthenticity.

The main point of me telling you this, is that I now realize how I have done that with Mike ever since we had grandkids.  I probably started early on to project my anxiety over my natural abilities as a grandmother onto him.

As I have grown more in confidence as a grandparent, I see how I have tried to ‘get Mike’ to act in certain ways making ‘veiled’ suggestions. My man is intuitive and emotionally in tune to others. He can smell manipulation a mile off, just as I could as a teen with my dad.

Besides suggesting what to do with our grandkids, I also say things like, ‘Have you contacted your brother recently?” or, “You know, you could respond to ‘so-and-so’ by writing this.”

I’m horrified to realize that I’ve been acting just like my dad. It’s not loving. It’s fear-based and wrong. And it’s prideful. Who says you should copy my way of interacting with others?

If I didn’t like how my dad forced his ways on me or my mom, then my dear husband doesn’t either.  I therefore resolve, with God’s help, to ‘let it go’ and work on Maria. May I let others manage their own relationships to suit themselves and please God.

Fortunately, Mike is very kind. He’ll forgive me when I slip into old patterns. But I do want to kill this off.

How to help a friend ‘enchained’

June 20, 2024

Maria Community, Encouragement, Forgiveness, Guilt, Prayer, Uncategorized , , , , 3 Comments

On the day I called, You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul. Psalm 138:3 NASB

When was the last time you were so tied up in a repeating pattern that you couldn’t think straight, let alone pray for yourself?

We all fall prey to Satan’s relentless and ‘moment-by-moment, relentless tactics to distract us, discourage us, divide us from others and disable us from experiencing everything that is rightfully ours as adopted members of God’s family’ (adapted from Priscilla Shirer’s study, The Armor of God).

Right now, I have 5 very close friends who are stuck in their muck, like we all get from time to time. Each needs to be reminded of God’s love for him or her:

  • One is preoccupied with guilt over how she mothered poorly
  • Another can’t stop questioning whether he really is a Christian
  • One is afraid to pray for a particular dream, yet he faithfully lifts up so the desires and needs of many others
  • Then there is a dear woman who can’t stop worrying about two emotionally-needy grandchildren.
  • Finally, one finds herself driven to the point of exhaustion as she goes about helping the endless swarm of hurting people in her path.

When we’re locked up, like my friends, we often feel helpless to think straight or pray our way out. Satan preoccupies us to distraction.  That’s why we so desperately need Christian community to help us see clearly.

How do we as brothers and sisters help?

First, we listen with empathy. We enter into their pain so they know they are not alone. Coming alongside and ‘naming’ what they are experiencing spreads healing balm.

Then we pray for them, out loud, right then and there. And we assure them of our continual prayers. We commit to check on them.

Next, if we sense from the Holy Spirit that they are ready, we encourage them to take one tiny step forward. We might ask them to think of something they could do. If they can’t, we might gently suggest a ‘baby step’.

For example, my friend who believes she’s ruined her adult son’s life. Statistically speaking, I think she’s awash in unnecessary guilt. (What mom EVER thinks she did a good job? To some degree we all damaged our kids. Afterall, we ourselves are broken!)

I could be wrong about my friend. So, if there is some legitimate harm she thinks she did, maybe she could write her grown son a letter. Ask him for his forgiveness. It IS possible that he doesn’t recall what lays so heavy on her heart.

If there is nothing, or nothing else, then, she has to leave ‘it’ with the Lord and move on.

Let’s always remind others of the Father’s love for them, that our God IS willing to forgive all. He IS eager and ready to pardon us.

Finally, we help them to call out to the Lord themselves. We might coach them with something like:

Father, help me this day to remember that:

  • you have forgiven me for what I did wrong or failed to do
  • your word assures me that I am yours by faith
  • you invite me to hand over all my worries as well as my desires and dreams for myself and others
  • you haven’t called me to meet all the needs of people I encounter

Holy God, may we and our friends keep in mind that you never created us to be alone or be enough. You formed us to need and depend on you, to stay connected to you by faith in Christ. And you gave us brothers and sisters to help us.  May we embrace our childlikeness, relax and enjoy you as loving and good Father. Amen

Are you exhausted?

June 13, 2024

Maria Come to me, Matthew 11, Rest , , , , , , 3 Comments

“Come to me, all you who”….drive themselves unmercifully. (Matthew 11:28 personalized)

I used to teach school in Asheville, North Carolina.  Once I accompanied the 6th grade class on a walking history tour of the downtown. I learned that in the early 1800s when fewer than 500 folks lived in the area, pig farmers would ‘drive’ their hogs through the center of the village on their way further south. There wealthy plantation owners eagerly bought their livestock to feed their slave labor.  Those who walked their pigs to market were called ‘drovers’ because they would drive or push the reluctant animals forward.

I am both the driven creature and the drover.  And I have been pushing myself forward for too long 

I’m not sure of the genesis of this unhealthy way of life.  Most likely it was a compensatory tool to make myself feel okay as a teenager. Moving to a particular new school a month into my junior year unsettled me.  I didn’t fit in and had just one friend. To avoid the awkwardness of the school cafeteria, I started isolating myself in the library so I wouldn’t have to confront the realities of being an outsider. Hiding my food, I would read something ‘edifying’. (Can you say ‘scofflaw’?)

Over time I developed an identity that made me feel better than others. Somehow, I transformed the gift of learning into a dependency. I had to make ‘every moment count’.  I read classics and listened to podcasts, trying to fill up the emptiness.

And I have carried this tendency into retirement. For a full five years, I have known this about myself and have grown exhausted.

All along Jesus keeps beckoning ‘Come!’ Especially in the early mornings.

Sitting out back watching the birds gather at the feeder, drinking in the beauty of the trees, the green, the cool, the quiet, I most strongly feel the Lord’s invitation to let go, to trust him. Yet, I drag my feet. Having a to do list feels good.

The other night, Jesus messed with my sleep which always gets my attention.  I got up at the usual time, but 20 minutes later, had to head up to the guest room and lie down for almost an hour. I knew I wouldn’t make it to my exercise class, let alone face the rest of my schedule.  Getting up a second time, I took some time to meet with the Lord and get a quick beauty fix.

Come to me, Maria, you who are so weary.  Give it up.  You don’t need to drive yourself any more. Eliminate some things.  It’s okay.  So, I did. I made a baby step, canceled two language lessons and felt the walls open up to give me more space.  I talked all this over with Mike.  He communicated with me through his expressive face, as he listened silently as words tumbled out with tears. Then he hugged me and told me I was moving in the right direction.

This morning I felt more relaxed. Today is less packed. 

Whatever I’ve been trying to prove, I don’t need to any more.

I know that I will probably fall back into old patterns, but this time I feel resolve and hope. 

Jesus really does mean what he says.  He will never take back his offer of rest. But rest on HIS terms.  Without condemnation.

Remember, friend, we have a deadly enemy who would rather have us über-busy.  He is against anything beautiful, anything that promotes rest, anything that causes us to simply abide with Jesus. Can we not just sit a spell and enjoy his creation. 

What must we DO to be saved from ourselves, our sin, our traps, our hurts? Believe Jesus and simply come to him.

This old hymn says it best:

1 Just as I am, without one plea,
but that thy blood was shed for me,
and that thou bidd’st me come to thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

2 Just as I am, and waiting not
to rid my soul of one dark blot,
to thee, whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

3 Just as I am, though tossed about
with many a conflict, many a doubt,
fightings and fears within, without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

4 Just as I am, thou wilt receive,
wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
because thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.

Psalter Hymnal, (Gray)

“What a cacophony of negative thoughts! Just how many of YOU ALL are there running through my head?”

June 6, 2024

Maria God's gifts, Meditation, Prayer, Thankfulness, Thanksgiving, Thinking , , , , 1 Comment

Something I read in Oswald Chambers the other morning (4 June) struck a chord.  “Am I simply repeating what God says, or am I learning to truly hear him and then to respond after I have heard what he says.”  What the Holy Spirit did with his words is pull back the curtain to show me how many fleeting, but negative notions circulate daily in my mind.  His revelation to me doesn’t directly connect with Oswald’s quote, but it’s what Jesus directed me to examine.

Holy cow!  I really do look at or evaluate my life as a glass half empty. You wouldn’t pick that up about me, for I present as an upbeat, positive encouraging gal. Even my husband registered surprise when I told him. 

Two of these running, disparaging and negative ‘tapes’ that I choose to play over and over are: 

  • We don’t have as many friends as most people…. or

We should do more with friends…. or Are we engaging enough with friends?

  • We don’t grandparent as well as others…. or What can we do to stay more in touch with our grandkids…. or What plans can we make right now to be with our grandkids?

With that God-directed realization of bad thinking, I asked Jesus’ forgiveness for declaring (even if just in my mind) and meditating on what is false, what is not true.

In reality, if I’m being objective, Mike and I actually DO have lots of friends and stay in contact with them. In fact we are traveling to England this summer specifically to see and be with friends.  And as far as our 6 grandchildren who don’t live near us, we DO see them when we can.  We DO keep in touch with them. We DO pray for them and let them know that.

What do you do when you find yourself consistently ruminating on negative and probably false thoughts? How do you escape? Because if we don’t do anything, we simply live in that dark place.

As I reflected on Oswald’s words, especially the second half “… am I learning to truly hear him and then to respond after I have heard what he says?”, the idea to thank Jesus for the friends and grandkids he has given us struck me.

Sitting out on our back patio, with the crowded birdfeeder busy with God’s hungry creation, birds and squirrels, I started a stream of thanksgiving. It was easy.  Immediately I felt lighter and my mood lifted.

That was a lightbulb moment, for sure.  All I had to do was switch the perspective. Actually, say the opposite. I found it easy to add on numerous other gifts the Lord has offered me.  

Here’s another example. Sometimes I feel squeezed and downhearted thinking about all the tasks I have self-assigned. So, I started thanking God for the time he has given me as well as other blessings:

I’m retired. I have the freedom to plan my days. I GET to grocery shop weekday mornings.  I GET to clean house with Mike on a weekday, instead of weekends. I GET to maintain contact with the many friends I have.  I GET to practice my languages and meet new people.

Over the past 3 days, I have turned my resolution to ‘take every thought captive’ into a prayer. “Father, help me to NOTICE persistent negative thought patterns so I can declare the exact opposite and turn them into thanksgivings.”

So far, this is working.  At the gym this morning, I caught myself stewing about ‘grandkids’.  And by grace, I was able to immediately turn that around and thank God FOR these precious children.

I know it’s going to take some time and much practice to create new grooves in my brain. But it’s never too late. And the immediate relief I get from thanking our good Father is reward enough for now.

What will they say about you?  What kind of legacy are you leaving?

May 30, 2024

Maria Answers to Prayer, Praise, Prayer, Psalm 71, Refuge, Uncategorized , , 1 Comment

I have become a marvel to many…..Psalm 71:7 NASB

If today you heard a man reflect on his life using those words, to what kind of explanation would your mind go? Would you conclude that he had built a successful company?  Or that he was serving in an influential position in the government or educational sphere? Might he have lots of kids and grandkids who are adulting well?

Those are all laudable accomplishments. Yet, what the psalmist describes in this scripture have only secondarily to do with him and his actions. Instead, he highlights the numerous jams he’s been throughout his life.

In verse 3, he refers to how often he has needed to flee to God’s refuge for relief and protection:

  Be a rock of refuge for me, where I can always go. (CSB)

The psalm is chock-full of praises to the Lord after his rescues. 

Describing himself as being almost a gray-haired one, he reflects on the numerous times he has called on God and depended on the Mighty One’s faithfulness in coming through.  He also enumerates current-day dangers and checks off on his fingers the enemies he has. 

Studying this kind of personal journal entry, I see a man who keeps getting knocked down, time and time again.  And one who bounces back and heals, sheltered by his Lord and with an even more compelling testimony.

From his words, I sense that his friends and family (and maybe his enemies, too) would register surprise as successive attacks and setbacks plague him.

You know people like that, right? Those who seem to have MORE than their fair share of problems, situations and disappointments?

Those watching our psalmist, just what is it that causes them to marvel?

How he never stops depending on the Lord, never ceases calling out to him. In the midst of his enemies, before he sees evidence of rescue, he declares in advance God’s ready hiding place. He then uses God’s means of protection, rejoices over the Lord’s faithfulness, following up with public praises to his God.

He’s like a mini- Job, but without demanding an explanation from God for his suffering. I think THIS is what creates amazement in all who know him. 

My husband Mike reminds me of this psalmist. As he looks back on his life, he would be the first to acknowledge the wounds, setbacks, broken dreams and other disappointments he has suffered in his life. Yet, he dependably looks to God for his help. Over and over he affirms our God’s goodness and his constancy of character.

Today is his 67th birthday. What makes his life a marvel is this faithfulness to depend on and honor God. As much as I can point to his excellence as an engineer, voice-over artist, musician, and family man, it his resilient dependence and public pointing us to God that I want to highlight. Even when he is attacked with bouts of discouragement and fear, he hies it back to God’s stronghold and points to his goodness after the attacks have passed.

Mike, thank you for your example.  May you continue to praise our triune God and not stop until you have trained up our grandkids and their future children to love the Lord and depend on Him!

Act as if…..

May 23, 2024

Maria Colossians 3, Covenants, Faith, Holy Spirit, Kingdom of God, Psalm 23, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Practice, Truth , , , , , , 1 Comment

“Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”  Hamlet to his mother

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12 NIV

Cousin Terry recommended a book written by Malcolm Smith entitled, The Power of the Blood Covenant. Yesterday morning I read from the chapter about walking in the Spirit.  The author’s premise (which tracks with the Bible) is that if we have the Spirit of Christ in us, then we are entitled to and have free access to ALL the covenant promises, rights and responsibilities that Jesus won for us.

How does that work?  I’m so thankful for the Gospel of John. In so many places, Jesus mentions that he himself is IN us and that we live IN him. Furthermore, he explains that he and the Father are one. The problem is that we don’t feel as though any of this is true.

I don’t sense the Spirit of God in me. I don’t see God’s wisdom, strength, power, peace, love, joy in me. But the Bible asserts that these are indeed mine to use since the Holy Spirit, the helper, lives in me.

As I was pondering our position vis-à-vis God and all the benefits that we are not to forget, I pictured a medieval walled city.  Imagine with me the lord or king of this city-state going out alone to make a peace treaty with a stronger and good monarch.  Our leader, our representative meets all the treaty stipulations. He accomplishes all the seemingly impossible feats of courage and self-control that are necessary to accomplish this ruler’s unheard-of standards. He does what none of us, his people, would dare or could do. 

Why not one of us?  The truth is, no one is worthy, nor are we equipped. Neither are we in a representative role to do our fellow citizens any good. But he is.

After signing the treaty agreement with his blood, he rides back victoriously with the good news.  We now belong to the most kind and powerful ruler in all creation and have been granted the privileges of his kingdom. Our life, our status has changed forever. It is a done deal. And we didn’t have to do anything. We just have to believe and stay in the Kingdom.

Immediately we notice a new flag has been hoisted and we are issued new clothes in different colors from the drab rags we wore.  With gratitude we dress ourselves in the same clothes as our new Over-Lord. As we are taught about all the changes to our status and the freedom from fear we have been given, we also learn a curious fact about our own city-state king. Even though officially co-equal with the Over-King, he submits to him.

Next we receive instruction and homework about how to act, how to treat others. We are to watch our own king and learn from him how citizens in this new government are expected to conduct themselves. Love, kindness, charity, forgiveness, humility are the new attributes we are to live into.

As we dress ourselves in our new clothes, we see different kinds of provisions being stockpiled for each individual citizen. We no longer have to worry about being defenseless against the many foes who come up against us. We are free to use new weapons to resist the enemy.

But we don’t feel different than we had the previous day, before our status changed.

This is a faint but inadequate picture of our position as those who belong to Christ.  We have been given ALL the gifts of the Kingdom of Heaven. Right now.  Along with the expectations of how to operate.

But if we don’t dress ourselves with the clothes of the Kingdom, we are in effect living as though we were mere mortals.

How do I see Mike and me working this out in our daily lives?  Mike has often commented to me, “Maria, what if we lived as if we really believed Jesus, if we really took him at his word?”

We often exchange a few ideas, yet end there with a sigh and : “Wouldn’t that be nice!”

Yesterday and today, I’ve been talking to myself, reminding myself: “Maria, you DO have Jesus’ peace, love, power, joy, wisdom, righteousness, self-control, and mind IN you. Don’t forget!  And you have all the gifts and resources that Jesus procured for you!  You don’t have to work for them, just enjoy them.”

Yes, life is hard and scary.  But I’ve gotten so good at ‘practicing the presence of being alone and dependent on myself’, that when I use my imagination poorly to contemplate a situation, I always reason without God and all his benefits. This time, I want to really live out ‘practicing the presence of God’.

The last paragraph I read this morning from Malcolm Smith’s book quoted Psalm 23:4: ….I will fear no evil, for you are with me. That’s a good place to start. For fear is Satan’s favorite and effective tool.

I’m reminding myself, that even though I will fail and forget today’s resove, this is a daily, an hourly decision that I can come back to at any time.

Does that sound doable to you? If you have the Spirit of Christ in you, then FOR SURE all his covenant-won promises and privileges are yours.  God doesn’t lie. How about trying again, with me, acting as if all were true, taking God at his word, trusting him! That is called authentic faith.  

And if we slip back into old habits, acting as if we have to face evil times and hard circumstances alone? Then we repent.

We shift our thoughts back to what is objectively true, whether we subjectively feel like it’s for real or not.  

We CAN change!

May 16, 2024

Maria 2 Corinthians 5, Genesis 22, Identity, Renewing, Trusting God , , , , , , 1 Comment

i….f anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

How have you changed since you became a Christian? I bet you can tick off a number of areas in your life that are different. I can as well, but some aspects of Maria have not been renovated.  I still carry around views of myself that turn out, it seems, to be quite limiting.

For example, I’ve often said, “I’m not good at art.” This seemed to be a reasonable truth. For some people clearly gravitate toward drawing or crafting or painting out of love. Here’s another example: Mike is very musical.  I’m not.  I tried piano lessons for 10 years and because I didn’t enjoy practicing, I didn’t grow much in skill nor in enjoyment.

These conclusions form what are called identity statements, as in: I’m not the kind of person who does X.

Recently, while listening to a podcast, I started to see for the first time just how many of these negative, limiting identities I have absorbed and frequently use.  The guest, Mike Zeller, being interviewed shared a captivating concept of alter egos. 

During the podcast, I found out that he had personally coached the host in identifying his own limiting beliefs about himself. During the conversation, listeners learned how Zeller had guided him in creating a persona that he could ‘wear’ and act like, an alter ego. Each alter ego was given a name. Zeller encourages his clients to name the old persona something silly, something mock-worthy. (think ‘Debbie Downer’ or ‘Eeyore’)

For some reason, this way of stepping away from a negative identity into a new one seemed do-able to me. Especially when I realized that a lot of my self-talk was in fact damaging me, a revelation that had never before struck me as negative. For these beliefs had seemed simply to be true.

For example, I love languages and speak various ones with different degrees of proficiency.  Yet, whenever anyone remarks, ‘Maria, you’re good at languages, they come easily to you!’, I deny that and reply, ‘Not really, I just work super hard because I really want to be fluent in all of them.’

And that’s the truth about how I have thought about myself. I had never seen that in reality, that assessment is both negative and limiting. I was stunned! 

I bet you have run similar crippling scripts through your mind without realizing it. Here is what is hopeful.  You don’t have to retrain your subconscious; you just have to catch yourself in the middle of asserting one of those ‘lines’ and step out of it into a new alter ego.

Here is what I have done. I have identified an alter ego, to whom I have given the name, “Fluent Frankie” (I had an Aunt Frances whom I don’t remember whose nickname was Frankie).

This new gal, ‘Fluent Frankie’, is programmed to respond to someone complimenting her on multiple languages: ‘Thank you! I really like languages and I have found that they are pretty easy to acquire if you’re willing to put in the time.’

I’ll give you another example.  Maria’s depressing view on picking out gifts for family has always been: ‘I’m not a creative gift giver like my husband, my son Graham or my late mother-in-law’.  That self-constructed identity has always made me dread birthdays and Christmas.  Selecting appropriate gifts that delight the person has felt like a burden.

But…..as a new creation in God, with multiple alter egos, I have created, ‘Good-gift-giver Gabbie’ (I’m picking out first names of people I have never personally known). For this new character I can choose to play thinking about and selecting gifts is FUN.

There are about 11 other invented alter egos I have created and can select from when I catch myself running a negative, depressing and limiting script. They are: Patient Paula, Leisurely Leslie, Trusting Tina, Flexible Fiora, Solid Sleeper Sammie, Fun-loving Mimi, Cheerfully-Confident Carol, Silent Susie, Worry-free Wanda, Grateful Gretchen and Stewarding Serena.

The 11 personas that involve my walk as a child of God are glimpses of how I want to grow. I desire to trust more the Father’s unchanging love for me and be more willing to obey Jesus about not fearing or worrying. Handing over all that concerns me because he knows me intimately and IS constantly praying for and providing for me.

Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means “the LORD will provide”). Genesis 22:14 NLT

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