“(Your husbands) may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.” 1 Peter 3:1 NIV

It’s been an intense summer so far. Starting with our trip to Italy in mid-May, the Lord has been pressing me to examine some of my long-practiced behaviors. He has made it unmistakably clear that now is the time to abandon two specific harmful habits.

I’ll address one today since it involves people—those in my family, my friends, and even casual acquaintances. For decades, I have unconsciously modeled myself after my foremother and former garden-dweller, Eve.

I now cringe at the memories of how often I have informed Mike, a godly man and devoted follower of Christ, of improved ways to live, handle his responsibilities, manage his relationships, or tackle any number of other projects, including how to make better progress in his Italian studies. To reinforce the message, the Holy Spirit has spoken to me through various people, podcast snippets, newsletters, conversations, and informal counsel from my dear cousin Terry, my spiritual mentor.

Recently Terry made the point powerfully—and painfully—when she passed along a thought she believed the Lord had impressed upon her in the shower. She observed that my constant “suggestions” to Mike were actually an insult to the all-wise God. In effect, I had been operating under the naïve, presumptuous, and false assumption that I knew better than anyone else how they should do something. As she described me, I cringed and repented. I didn’t need to understand any further the damage I had been causing for years. Now, every day, I ask the Holy Spirit to help me remember to keep my mouth shut.

God has a sense of humor in the way He answers prayer. Lately, He has been speaking to me through a series of compelling novels.

In The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion appears a delightful character named Mrs. Penury, the banker’s wife. We discover that one day, without explanation, she simply stopped speaking—to her husband as well as to everyone else. Yet she communicates remarkably well through her expressive face, animated body language, and handwritten notes. The author never explains why, but Emma frequently enjoys tea with her, and both women clearly benefit from their conversations.

I’m praying that I will pattern myself more often after this woman, who holds her tongue more often than not. Learning the art of listening well without offering unsolicited advice is the vision I have for Maria. If Sarah and other godly women influenced those around them primarily through their respectful and pure conduct, then there is hope for me in how I engage with other people.