The Lord is my light and my salvation—
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the refuge and fortress of my life—
Whom shall I dread?
Though an army encamp against me,
My heart will not fear;
Though war arise against me,
Even in this I am confident. (Psalm 27: 1, 3)
“But Daughter, what if the men forget?” the anxious and elderly man conjectured, rubbing his hands as he rocked back and forth.
“Father, I have their assurance. We mustn’t be fearful. They will come through. After all, I did not let them down when they were being sought by the King’s men,” Rahab spoke quietly with calm assurance as she rubbed his shoulders.
The old man seemed to soak in her words for a few minutes, but then another thought assailed him. “What if they can’t find our house in all the confusion of the attack?”
Tenderly, Rahab reminded him, “But I have fastened the scarlet cord to the window ledge, just as they instructed me. They will see it.”
One last time, her dad fished for another possible mishap, “Yes, but what if they are killed by the King’s soldiers before they can save us?”
Rahab’s words silenced his doubts, for a while. “Father, I trust the God of the Hebrews. He is not like any other god. We know how He rescued His people from the Egyptians and led them through the desert. He is trustworthy. He always does what He says. We will put our faith in Him, not the spies or fortuitous circumstances, but in this Rock.”
Like Rahab, I have moved beyond my known world of visible help out into the wilderness where many of God’s people have journeyed. About two weeks ago heart palpitations invaded Mike’s heart. Uninvited, they immediately set about to mess with his pumping chambers, adding extra beats in an intermittent pattern that disrupted his sleep in a debilitating way. What brought them on? Apparently a series of seemingly random events such as dental pain and a bad cold and a reaction to Sudafed are the precipitating causes we think. But ultimately God, the originator and sustainer of the universe, is the First Cause of all that happens to us. Permitting these little messengers of Satan to plague Mike, God has gently and lovingly overseen my husband’s battle with fear and anxiety at night. ‘What-if’ scenarios have especially been hard: apprehension that the heart meds won’t work and worry that sleep will evade him.
What God has shown me as I’ve battled with Mike, mining God’s word for strength and assurance, is this:
Every hero of faith has been led out to the very same desert, alone except for God, and beyond sight of provision, to confront and battle the fear of the ‘What-Ifs’. Similar to how American Indian young men endured solitary testing for their manhood initiation rite, believers have been dragged or led into an arena to do spiritual warfare. Equipped only with God’s word, (His promises, His past provisions, and knowledge of His character) this fiery trial has provided them the opportunity and gift to prove decisively to themselves whether God is true and faithful. Just look at a few of our Biblical ancestors:
- Rahab had to trust the spies’ promise of rescue when Joshua and the tribes surrounded and attacked Jericho
- Abraham had to hold on to God’s promise that heirs as numerous as the stars would come through his son Isaac who lay bound on the wood, about to be sacrificed
- Esther had to entrust her life to God as she courageously broke the king’s law and approached him unbidden, risking death
- Mary faced possible death and certain public humiliation by explaining to Joseph and accepting the circumstances of her imminent pregnancy
- Paul’s friends in Rome brought food and supplies to him in prison, courting possible imprisonment by association
Many weak, frightened and flawed men and women have encountered that ultimate, often unsought moment. They have had to answer once and for all the only question that matters.
- Can I trust God? Do I believe what He says in the Bible? Will He actually come through?
With no more visible proof than what each of us has already learned about Him experientially, and/or by reputation per other believers’ accounts and in His Word, we come to the edge, alone.
- Do I step into the chasm, trusting in the evidence provided?
- Will He catch me?
Many of you have already endured this refining, this baptism of fire meant to bless you, not to harm you. Sure, we can orient our life in the direction of banking all on God, preemptively before God brings on a trial of trust. But sometimes our good Father accelerates the timetable or the intensity of the ‘Faith Course’.
Mike and I didn’t consciously enroll in this particular curriculum. But obviously God thought it was necessary to strengthen our faith, to test it so WE would know how real and valuable the gift of faith is that Christ purchased for us. We needed a push, apparently!
Daily the homework and pop quizzes confront us, but I know that all who stick it out in God’s school make it to the end, fully qualified. And what is reassuring is that He doesn’t enroll anyone who is not going to graduate and be purified. In fact, we have the personal attention and daily assistance of the Remedial Counselor. We can’t help but pass.
As I reminded Mike this morning, we WALK through the valley of the shadow of death. We haven’t moved in, to settle down. Yes, it is dark and scary and over the past few weeks we have not KNOWN what to do. We feel like Hezekiah who prayed publicly in front of his people,
“….we have no might to stand against this great company that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.” 2 Chronicles 2:12
In our need, the road has seemed starless and confusing with no signposts directing us where to go or what to do. But our good Shepherd IS leading the way, HIS way, along ‘paths of righteousness for His name’s sake’. He will bring us out into green pastures. The end is sure. I can see it, with my eyes of faith.
“There I go again!” as hammering self-condemnation reprised. I had just done what I didn’t want to do, overeat. Nothing really sinful in that per se, except that overeating is a gateway to my sin of self-centered, interior moping. More familiar than any other melody is my original adaptation of the human ‘Ode to my Pitiful Self’.
“Here I go again, a perfectly designed child of my Father who just sent me a love note that says, ‘Maria, come to me with your mess; don’t be surprised, you just need to give it a rest and flop down and swim in my grace and love!‘”
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