What do our needs tell us?

February 19, 2017

Maria Glorifying God, God's Purpose, Grace, Humility, Praise, Struggles, suffering, Weakness , , 2 Comments

‘You’re so needy!’

“Yep, and your point is?”

Why is it that we think something is wrong with us if we can’t do it all?  I can only speak for Americans.  It seems as though being needy is un-American.  Since our pre-founding, we’ve grown up imbibing the ambient atmosphere of:

  • pull yourself up by your own bootstraps
  • you can be/do anything you want in life
  • if it’s going to be, it’s up to me
  • plan your work, then work your plan
  • follow your passion

Actually all that rah-rah positive motivation denies the FACT that God has designed and created us AS creatures with needs.  Before the fall when He created man, He called His male and female creation VERY GOOD!  And they were needy, ON PURPOSE!  They required human companionship, food and productive work.  And they had to sleep.

As I learn to depend more on God each day, I am embracing and even liking my neediness. The Father is teaching me to request His protection, strength and wisdom in the ordinary and not just to call on Him for the ‘big things’ I can’t handle on my own. Somewhere I read that if we don’t invite God’s covering and help with the ordinary routine activities (such as cooking, driving, taking a shower without slipping, hiking/walking), then in effect we’re announcing to the Creator and Sustainer of the universe:

  • I’ve got this, God!

Besides, when we DO ask Him for help in writing a blog piece, or shopping for groceries, we re-awaken ourselves to His presence and gain an occasion to thank Him, to praise Him for His grace.

A couple of weeks ago, I read this quote from a sister blogger:

“If you’re meeting your own needs, it’s quite possible you’re not meeting the right one.”  (Quoted by Pippa in her blog, linked here)

That wake-up call to humility connected with an experience I read in Joyce Huggett’s book, Listening to God.  Seeking spiritual counseling to deal with fearful thoughts of suicide, she staggered into a new reality. Her guide led her through a confession of the sin of wanting to kill herself and prayed for her to believe and receive God’s sure forgiveness. Then he added this:  (I’ve paraphrased)

  • Now that you’ve confessed to trying to meet a very real need in a sinful way..
  • Let’s look at this underlying emotional need and see how we can address it in a way that is healthy and God-reliant.

That extra step turned out to be a turning point for the author and eye opening to me! It fit right in with the FACT that God has designed us as dependent, needy creatures. Dependency is woven into the fabric of life.   God created us incomplete and unwise without Him, cracked jars of clay requiring His support.

As Paul boasts in 2 Cor 4:7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.

Notice also that God intends to MEET our needs, Himself!  The inadequacy, or lack of confidence I feel is SUPPOSED to be the norm.  Insufficient on my own, I have been created precisely to live moment by moment, dependent on God.  And grateful.

So what does that look like in everyday life?  I’m finding a new quality of contentment in my days.  I tend to reply to myself more and more, “Well, what do you expect, Maria, from a clod of earth?  Trust the Master Gardener and rejoice that HE has written the divine Plan. He has just what you need for THIS, so fret not!”

How is embracing your neediness going for you?

 

What Elijah and I have in common

November 13, 2016

Maria 1 Kings, 2 Corinthians 12, Affliction, Anxiety, Doubt, Fear, Grace, Rest, Thinking, Weakness , , , , , , , Leave a comment

1 Kings 19: 3,4b, 5a –   Elijah was afraid and ran for his life.……….. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.

I was having an Elijah day.  Tired.  Leg and foot cramps at night degrade my sleep. So when I hop out of bed more than the customary once per night, I feel FOGGY and handicapped the next day.

As you know fatigue is NOT conducive to feelings that represent reality.

I had gotten up at my customary time, knowing that I needed time with the Lord on my walk and at the kitchen counter reading my Bible and praying.  If I didn’t set TRUTH front and center in my life, I would not make it through the day teaching school and interacting with colleagues.

Even with the reminder of our unchanging God, it was still HARD.  The feelings, which seemed to originate from WITHIN me, kept up their assault:

  • I don’t really care about kids!
  • I’m too old to be teaching in a Middle School
  • But where am I going to find another job that pays this much and frees up my summer for family and friends?

Finally, I chose to ignore the feelings and NOT yield to the temptation to draw any conclusion.

I found refuge in this promise from God:  My grace IS sufficient for you, because my power is made perfect when combined with your weakness, Maria.  2 Cor 12:9 (includes my personalization!)

The next day, after a better sleep (Thank you, Jesus!) I thought of Elijah and his emotional outburst and wrong conclusions.

If you read the entire passage in 1 Kings 19, you can clearly see God’s tenderness.  He doesn’t rebuke Elijah, but causes him to sleep, then sends an angel to feed him and to invite him to sleep some more. Only then does God dialogue with Elijah and set him straight with truth – that Elijah is NOT the only believer left, but there are another 7000!

So dear friends, I am learning (and RE-learning) not to agree with or even fight feelings when I’m tired, but just to lay them in Jesus’ lap and take care of my body.  There’s plenty of time to figure things out WITH God knowing that He has promised to give me perfect power for my needs.

 

 

This baby bird got fed!

September 11, 2016

Maria Matthew 12, Praise, Prayer, Psalm 86, Supernatural Power, Trusting God, Weakness , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Baby bird gets fed   Psalm 86:4    Gladden the soul of your servant, for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

I felt like crap Friday night.  And I woke up feeling the same.  In a complaining, whiny mood, not content.  Why?  just the same ole-same ole reason – ‘not enough Maria time’ to satisfy me. (yes, school is back in session)

When I went to bed, I wisely made the decision to forgo exercising in the morning. I reasoned that just MAYBE I needed more time with God.  If I could start my quiet time earlier, then maybe I could find refreshment for my soul before we headed out the door with our planned Saturday’s activities.

Providentially, I had noticed the above verse from Psalm 86 the previous day and written it down. God used my hand-copied Psalmist’s plea to revive me.  It occurred to me – If the writer was begging God to give him joy, then he obviously wasn’t feeling enthusiastic about anything.  Why would he ask for what he already had?

A very weak, half-hearted request formed in my mouth.  No fervor or confidence accompanied this prayer.  It wasn’t mixed with strong faith.  It was all I could do to THINK the words.  No sound waves left my lips.

Praise be to my good Father who has planted His Spirit in me! For one of the happy jobs of the Spirit of Christ is to intercede for those saints in whom He resides.

Here’s what happened:  the Lord DID gladden my heart.  Just like the baby bird in the nest who can do nothing but open his mouth (thereby blocking sight of mom and dad arriving with food), I lifted my soul to the One who could fill it.  The invisible but real supernatural and almighty Sovereign Lord of the Universe filled my emptiness:

  • Our dreaded ‘change-the-water-filter-under-the-house-all-the-while-praying-the-seal-holds‘ bi-monthly task proceeded stress-free.
  • Our hike along a section of the Appalachian Trail out of Hot Springs turned out to be delightful.  The incline worked our bodies but didn’t punish our calves or thighs.  God provided a beautiful summer day.  The vista views and the close-up trees and bushes together with the pine straw smells and QUIET, all worked together to calm and renew our souls.
  • Grilling pork chops and spotting examples of grace in a Downton Abbey episode blessed us.
  • Coffee and reading on the deck as dusk approached and the mountains darkened quieted us for the night
  • A solid 8-hour sleep brought us to a new morning, thoroughly equipped with new soul and body strength.

And this morning, during my quiet time I gave thanks to the Lord who showed me mercy yesterday when I didn’t deserve it and hesitantly asked

Matthew 12:20a – He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle.

 

 

 

Perfection and futility

June 26, 2016

Maria 2 Corinthians, Food, Freedom, God's Purpose, Grace, Guilt, Holiness, Rest, Romans 7, Struggles, suffering, Trials, Weakness , , , , , , , Leave a comment

clay pot  “There I go again!”  as hammering self-condemnation reprised.  I had just done what I didn’t want to do, overeat.  Nothing really sinful in that per se, except that overeating is a gateway to my sin of self-centered, interior moping. More familiar than any other melody is my original adaptation of the human ‘Ode to my Pitiful Self’.

But thanks be to God and Bible-centered preaching and writing! Pastor and teacher John Piper rescues imperfect sheep prone to turn inward by proclaiming a recurring life-giving message of: “Don’t waste your disappointments, trials, suffering, failures,……”

God must have thought it was time to break my bent towards control and perfection with this sovereignly ordained ‘trip-up’.  So what galls me the most?  What sends me into despair each time I let myself down and overeat? Certainly not His condemnation, but MY disappointment with myself.

Here’s the rub:  Why am I even surprised that I can’t do what I want to do?

Like Paul, I wail: I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. Romans 7:15

“Stupid!,” this home-grown expectation or gateway toward self-chastisement. A recent podcast drove that home.  The speaker had been in therapy for a broken marriage and started to heal when she made the connection between her:

  1. Assumption that I CAN be perfect (do what I want to do)
  2. Anxiety over the burden of trying to be perfect
  3. Bondage to control in order to gain perfection

I suddenly saw the futility when I realized that we were never meant to strive for perfection.  In fact, God has intentionally designed us the opposite!  The human model comes with abundant limitations.  We see them as flaws; He ordains them as gateways for God’s glory and grace to show.

...we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. 2 Cor 4:7b

Breakable clay is the term for earthenware. In Paul’s time, vessels, plates, jars, cups were made of a clay mixture containing oyster shell pieces. God has purposefully made us out of crumbly stuff.  The Almighty Father and Creator made us delicate and fragile so that we would depend and rest on Him to do all that He calls us to do.  He didn’t aim to populate His kingdom with self-sufficient, sturdily consistent perfect little beings.

That is good news, brothers and sisters.  Let it go, all those expectations of how you want to act.  Yes, we are called to be imitators of Jesus, to be holy because God is holy.  But He knows we are going to blow it, multiple times a day.  Why are we the last to accept that?

Holy Spirit, remind me straight away when I miss the self-assigned mark I naïvely think will make me feel good about myself.  Grow me a new song,

a melody of music“Here I go again, a perfectly designed child of my Father who just sent me a love note that says, ‘Maria, come to me with your mess; don’t be surprised, you just need to give it a rest and flop down and swim in my grace and love!‘”

 

 

What if?

December 27, 2015

Maria Anxiety, God's Promises, God's Purpose, God's Word, Prayer, Psalm 27, Sovereignty of God, Spiritual Warfare, suffering, Trials, Trusting God, Walking with God, Weakness, Worry , , , , , , , 2 Comments

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the refuge and fortress of my life—
Whom shall I dread?

Though an army encamp against me,
My heart will not fear;
Though war arise against me,
Even in this I am confident. (Psalm 27: 1, 3)

“But Daughter, what if the men forget?” the anxious and elderly man conjectured, rubbing his hands as he rocked back and forth.

“Father, I have their assurance. We mustn’t be fearful.  They will come through.  After all, I did not let them down when they were being sought by the King’s men,” Rahab spoke quietly with calm assurance as she rubbed his shoulders.

The old man seemed to soak in her words for a few minutes, but then another thought assailed him.  “What if they can’t find our house in all the confusion of the attack?”

Tenderly, Rahab reminded him, “But I have fastened the scarlet cord to the window ledge, just as they instructed me.  They will see it.”

One last time, her dad fished for another possible mishap, “Yes, but what if they are killed by the King’s soldiers before they can save us?”

Rahab’s words silenced his doubts, for a while. “Father, I trust the God of the Hebrews. He is not like any other god. We know how He rescued His people from the Egyptians and led them through the desert.  He is trustworthy.  He always does what He says.  We will put our faith in Him, not the spies or fortuitous circumstances, but in this Rock.”

Rahab

Like Rahab, I have moved beyond my known world of visible help out into the wilderness where many of God’s people have journeyed.   About two weeks ago heart palpitations invaded Mike’s heart. Uninvited, they immediately set about to mess with his pumping chambers, adding extra beats in an intermittent pattern that disrupted his sleep in a debilitating way. What brought them on? Apparently a series of seemingly random events such as dental pain and a bad cold and a reaction to Sudafed are the precipitating causes we think. But ultimately God, the originator and sustainer of the universe, is the First Cause of all that happens to us.  Permitting these little messengers of Satan to plague Mike, God has gently and lovingly overseen my husband’s battle with fear and anxiety at night.  ‘What-if’ scenarios have especially been hard: apprehension that the heart meds won’t work and worry that sleep will evade him.

What God has shown me as I’ve battled with Mike, mining God’s word for strength and assurance, is this:

Every hero of faith has been led out to the very same desert, alone except for God, and beyond sight of provision, to confront and battle the fear of the ‘What-Ifs’.  Similar to how American Indian young men endured solitary testing for their manhood initiation rite, believers have been dragged or led into an arena to do spiritual warfare.  Equipped only with God’s word, (His promises, His past provisions, and knowledge of His character) this fiery trial has provided them the opportunity and gift to prove decisively to themselves whether God is true and faithful. Just look at a few of our Biblical ancestors:

  • Rahab had to trust the spies’ promise of rescue when Joshua and the tribes surrounded and attacked Jericho
  • Abraham had to hold on to God’s promise that heirs as numerous as the stars would come through his son Isaac who lay bound on the wood, about to be sacrificed
  • Esther had to entrust her life to God as she courageously broke the king’s law and approached him unbidden, risking death
  • Mary faced possible death and certain public humiliation by explaining to Joseph and accepting the circumstances of her imminent pregnancy
  • Paul’s friends in Rome brought food and supplies to him in prison, courting possible imprisonment by association

Many weak, frightened and flawed men and women have encountered that ultimate, often unsought moment.  They have had to answer once and for all the only question that matters.

  • Can I trust God?  Do I believe what He says in the Bible?  Will He actually come through?

With no more visible proof than what each of us has already learned about Him experientially, and/or by reputation per other believers’ accounts and in His Word, we come to the edge, alone.

  • Do I step into the chasm, trusting in the evidence provided?
  • Will He catch me?

Many of you have already endured this refining, this baptism of fire meant to bless you, not to harm you. Sure, we can orient our life in the direction of banking all on God, preemptively before God brings on a trial of trust. But sometimes our good Father accelerates the timetable or the intensity of the ‘Faith Course’.

Mike and I didn’t consciously enroll in this particular curriculum.  But obviously God thought it was necessary to strengthen our faith, to test it so WE would know how real and valuable the gift of faith is that Christ purchased for us. We needed a push, apparently!

Daily the homework and pop quizzes confront us, but I know that all who stick it out in God’s school make it to the end, fully qualified.  And what is reassuring is that He doesn’t enroll anyone who is not going to graduate and be purified.  In fact, we have the personal attention and daily assistance of the Remedial Counselor.  We can’t help but pass.

As I reminded Mike this morning, we WALK through the valley of the shadow of death. We haven’t moved in, to settle down.  Yes, it is dark and scary and over the past few weeks we have not KNOWN what to do.  We feel like Hezekiah who prayed publicly in front of his people,

“….we have no might to stand against this great company that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.” 2 Chronicles 2:12

In our need, the road has seemed starless and confusing with no signposts directing us where to go or what to do. But our good Shepherd IS leading the way, HIS way, along ‘paths of righteousness for His name’s sake’.  He will bring us out into green pastures.  The end is sure.  I can see it, with my eyes of faith.

 

 

Freedom from…….

February 8, 2015

Maria Acts, Disciplines, Pride, Weakness , , , , , , Leave a comment

Acts 3:12 And when Peter saw it (the crowd’s amazement) he addressed the people: “Men of Israel, why do you wonder at this, or why do you stare at us, as though by our own power or piety we have made him walk?

Peter and John encountered a crippled man hanging outside the temple in Jerusalem as they were entering to pray with other Jews. Reduced to begging so he could buy his daily bread, this man probably did not expect a physical healing that day.

But Peter’s response to the uplifted face changed this man’s status:

  • But Peter said, “I have no silver and gold, but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk!”

More surprising than the healing miracle was what followed. The crowd turned to adulate Peter and John. Peter immediately deflected the praise in a way that I find LIBERATING!

Think about what Peter announced in verse 12 above. Neither human power nor man-practiced piety (habits of prayer, Bible study and charitable giving) was the source of the healing. He & John were simply conduits for God’s power. They were using derivative power. People are but like the moon whose light is a reflection of the sun’s radiance. The source of the apostles’ miracle was God alone.

Therefore, the credit goes to God alone. Were Peter to claim otherwise, it would be as silly as a gas grill taking credit for the ribs or steak that a man barbecues. The grill is the tool. So, too, are we tools and vessels in God’s hands. Any skill, strength, idea, or desire we display comes from God.

man grilling

 

 

As I pondered this account and applied it, I started to feel LESS special. But then I realized that if I don’t receive the credit, than I ALSO don’t bear the burden for the results.

God alone is responsible; so the outcome belongs to Him. I’m off the hook! I just have to be willing to be used by God, to offer back to Him for His use all that He has given me.

This shift in job description means in effect: No credit and no blame or condemnation from the One who counts. (That’s not to say that other people won’t feel free to criticize, but they’re just ‘fellow grills, or sauté pans’ or other tools in the hands of the King of Kings)

As soon as I started to breathe in this freedom and release some burdens, the Holy Spirit gently reminded me of all the attributes I claim as MINE. I knew immediately that He was directing my attention to those qualities I like to think make me unique, the ones I tend to boast in, to take credit for:

  • Time management skills
  • Fitness and eating routines
  • French and cooking talents
  • Desires to read and learn
  • ‘Natural’ abilities to initiate conversations with strangers and draw them out

But why do I think any of those desires and habits find their origin in me?

Hmm, definitely food for more thought. If I’m going to be free from the ultimate responsibility as a derivative created child of God, then I am also going to have to give up any thought of being exceptional BECAUSE of all that stuff.

Prayer: Father, help me! MAKE me glad to be Your ordinary utensil. Give me the desire and inclination to boast happily only in You.

 

How to be a little kid in God’s kingdom

November 3, 2013

Maria Fear, Matthew, Prayer, Weakness , , , Leave a comment

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

Two lines of thought occurred to me about this verse.  One springs from the the question:

How do little kids act around a good daddy whom they love?

  • they run to him when he comes in the door
  • they want to hang on him and snuggle up close
  • they trust him
  • they cling to him when afraid
  • they don’t try to impress him, they are totally real
  • they are content just to be with him
  • they don’t fear losing his love
  • and when their daddy has to be stern about something, they take him seriously

The other is this:

How does our daddy train us?

  •  his arms are around us as we swing the golf club those first few times or as we handle a T-ball bat or steady a pistol at first.  It’s totally him, but we are physically and  kinesthetically learning as he guides the motion.

  • And the times we DON”T feel his presence, we’re like the small child jumping off the diving board into the waiting hands of Dad in the pool. He’s got us totally covered and protected even though we’re alone on that board.

Martin Luther cried out to God in a written prayer, deeply desiring His reassuring presence the night before facing the Diet of Worms. this brave child of God knew he was facing death and felt alone.  Here are a couple of excerpts.  The entire prayer can be accessed at this link –   Luther’s prayer the night before

O God, Almighty God everlasting! how dreadful is the world! …. . O God! O God! O thou, my God! help me against the wisdom of this world. . I have no business here . . .  I would gladly pass my days in happiness and peace. But the cause is Thine . .. My God! my God! dost thou not hear? My God! art thou no longer living? Nay, thou canst not die. Thou dost but hide Thyself. Thou hast chosen me for this work. I know it! . .

Lord – where art thou? . . . My God, where art thou? . . . Come! I pray thee, I am ready … O God send help! . . . Amen!

Apparently Luther never FELT God that night but proceeded the next day, nonetheless, to draw a line in the sand and stake his life and beliefs on Scripture.  Was his heavenly Father absent or present with him?  Of course God was there – His nature is to be unchanging and God has promised that He’ll never forsake us.  God’s felt absence was part of His training plan for his servant, Luther.

Like the daddy in the pool, even if we can’t see him, he will NOT let us drown.  We might plunge deeper in the water than our comfort level dictates, but all is under His complete care.

My take-aways?

  • Just stay a child in how we trust and relate to God
  • Expect Him to push us further than we want to go
  • He has already assured the results and invites us to ‘help’ Him just like your son might help you mow the lawn

It’s good to be weak

October 13, 2013

Maria Grace, suffering, Weakness , , , , , , 2 Comments

 

Like Paul, I have prayed that God would remove certain difficulties.

This week, I took a baby step in imitating Paul when he confessed:

7 I will say this: because these experiences I had were so tremendous, God was afraid I might be puffed up by them; so I was given a physical condition which has been a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to hurt and bother me and prick my pride. 8 Three different times I begged God to make me well again.

9 Each time he said, “No. But I am with you; that is all you need. My power shows up best in weak people.” Now I am glad to boast about how weak I am; I am glad to be a living demonstration of Christ’s power, instead of showing off my own power and abilities. 10 Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite happy about “the thorn,” and about insults and hardships, persecutions and difficulties; for when I am weak, then I am strong—the less I have, the more I depend on him.  (2 Cor 12: 7 to 10)

  • As Leia, our 17 1/2 year old cat was declining, I begged God just to take her life during the night – easily and quietly
  • 2 different times in the first 7 weeks of this school year my new principal has come into my classroom and shut the door.  With good intentions, she has reported some negative feedback received from certain parents about this or that related to my teaching (new school, new kids, new expectations)

A week ago I finally acknowledge that I felt depressed. Cornered.  Meditatively and prayerfully writing last week’s blog post, finding scriptures to cling to was life and light giving.

This week, I chewed on Paul’s words.  I nourished and encouraged myself with the following thought:

  • “His grace is sufficient to make me content that I am weak.  As I lean on Him and trust Him to guide me this class period, as I wait on Him for wisdom about our cat, I know that on the other side of each hour, I will be glad that my acknowledged weakness and dependency created the VOID necessary for Holy-Spirit-Power to rush in.  No space……. no divine help.  Lord, keep me dependent on You!”

So now it’s Sunday, a week later.

Leia close up on 7 Oct 2013

Leia is buried beneath our balcony overlooking the gorgeous hills of Western North Carolina.

I taught kids more French, trusting Him to help me to adjust to their needs and the expectations of my boss.

Do I still wish for a life without suffering?  YES!!!  I’m human, i.e. sinful and weak-willed.

But I will trust Him that His way is best for me.  After all, God alone is the happy Holy Father who has already proven that He loves me.  What more could He do than He has already done by adopting me into His Forever Family?

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