Stay in your boundary!

December 27, 2014

Maria Anxiety, Colossians, Fear, Galatians, Grace, Walking with God, Worries , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

A night at Cousin Terry’s home gifted us with more than good fellowship and food. We were also blessed with a powerful word-picture or image to remind us of how to live the Christian life, with peace and rest.  The picture below is what I’m calling a ‘boundary circle.’  I’ll explain in a few.

Heart Shaped boundary

 

 

 

 

Christians, by definition, are new creations.  They have been rescued from the futile, darkened kingdom of self & death (run by the Father of Lies) and transferred into the Kingdom of Light & Life, where the Triune God reigns.

Paul explains this to the believers in Colossae,

  • For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son (Col 1:13)

As freed prisoners, now owing our allegiance to our Rescuer, everything is different:

  • I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

Although a Christian for the past 33 years, I’m a slow learner.  What I’ve found to be true in my life, and it probably is so with you, is this: to the extent that we take in knowledge about God, we grow more like Jesus.  If we don’t EAT spiritual food, we imbibe worldly food. Think Junk Food, ‘and there is no health in us’ as the Book of Common Prayer says in a morning confession.

From the moment of ‘transfer’ new believers belong to God as His adopted children, with full rights and privileges, to include a future, guaranteed inheritance. However, I’ve learned that unless I call myself back to present reality, I can revert back to that former, but still very comfortable way of thinking, that of a ‘slave to sin’.

Slavery

 

 

Here’s the rub.  Life is hard, whether you’re a ‘Christ-ling’ or a ‘World-ling’.  But as an adopted child of God, an heir with Christ, I have full access to the love, the power and the promises of God.  I’m not meant to live, dependent on my own resources.  I am a new creation: ‘Christus-Maria’ 

All that being said, despite having been a Christian since the age of 24, I still battle unbelief.  I find myself frequently imagining, worrying and fearing this or that. Our cousin Terry is a mature and wise Christian woman who has learned to trust God by trial and error (aka falling into sin and then repenting) through prayer and nourishment from God’s word.  She is also very real, the kind of Christian with whom you can feel SAFE in admitting your struggles.

So when I shared with her, during our overnight the content of the worries and fears that plague me, she passed on the advice gleaned from a wise Christian man who lovingly admonishes his fearful wife each time she shares a worry:

‘Honey, you’ve stepped out of the boundary of grace for the moment, for the day!  There’s no grace NOW for where you’re hanging out – the future. There’s only grace for the present. Get back inside the boundary!’

So back to the protective circle of love at the top of this post.  I picture myself yoked with Christ, WITHIN THAT CIRCLE OF LOVE.  As long as I keep step with Him, then all is well.  The strength and direction come easily as I walk, moment by moment, in conscious communion WITH Him.  It’s only when I run ahead in my thoughts to the future hypothetical ‘what-ifs’, that I find myself in the scary ‘badlands’ of possible dangers, outside of my boundary of love.

Yoked

 

 

How senseless to run on ahead, alone, as a weak and defenseless little donkey, leaving behind my supernatural Older Brother and Redeemer!

I find comfort in this image of a protective circle of love and grace surrounding the new me, harnessed to a comfortable restraint permanently linking me with Jesus. More and more, I am learning to ‘harness’ my thoughts, to rein them in, back to the HERE and NOW where Grace is King.

Question: Where are you running ahead of your provision?

 

The pain of thinking wrongly

November 30, 2014

Maria Fear, Hebrews, Worries , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

My mom used to say that most of what we fear never comes to pass.  I can look at her worries and attest to the truth of her reasoning.

German Bread

My mom loved to travel to Europe ‘just to eat the bread’, she would often claim.  She was an extravert and also cherished rubbing shoulders with strangers, whether on those long plane rides to Zürich or in shops along the lakeshore of Lugano.  She would quickly encourage their stories as they happily opened up their hearts to her.

But the time leading up to the travel itself was the source of much worry and anxiety.

Travel Anxiety

Even local ordinary activities caused her anxiety.  Crossing the drawbridge grillwork of the James River Bridge near her house in order to get to the commissary on Ft Monroe was a big deal to her.  I’m not sure what she thought might happen – just maybe that the car would plunge over the side, into the river below.

When she died, it was probably not the way she had pictured or feared.  She collapsed one Thursday afternoon, walking on their property along the James River.  I was at the gym talking to a friend who had just attended a funeral that day. Funny the details you remember.  And my dad, who had meticulously planned HIS departure before his wife’s, was equally caught off guard by her sudden death.

Like my mom I, too, subject myself to needless pain, running scenarios through my head and praying that God would NOT bring my deepest fears to pass.  So I was startled, pleasantly, when I read a column by Andrée Seu Peterson about our fears in the latest issue of World Magazine.  She mentioned in passing how much help CS Lewis had been in this realm with his conclusion chronicled in A Grief Observed (his wife Joy had died from cancer).

“This is important.  One never meets just Cancer, or War, or Unhappiness (or Happiness).  One only meets each hour or moment that comes.  All manner of ups and downs.  Many bad spots in our best times, many good ones in our worst”  (from A Grief Observed)

That is powerful.  It dissolves the size of all the things we dread, because it reduces them to a succession of moments. I know what pain in the moment is. When I am on my 27th pushup or hustling up that last stretch of 13 % incline gravel road leading to our house, I am in pain.

Old Cabin from below

But as soon as exertion is over, the pain is forgotten.  Most important, though, is how the pain comes to us – measured out like sand running through an hourglass, grain-by-grain, moment-by-moment.

So here it is Sunday and work looms tomorrow, especially noticeable after 5 days of relaxation over Thanksgiving week.   But when I launch out into the dark new day, taking on the Cove walk challenge and commuting to Asheville and having to grapple with an annoying 7th grade boy and come up with creative lesson plans, it will be moment by moment, not monolithically as I have been imagining my tomorrows.

 

Hourglass

Is it this way with you, too?  I want God to remove unpleasant things from my life, but He promises more – Himself:

  • Be content!
  • Do not covet what I haven’t given you!
  • Be free!
  • Rejoice, for I will be with you each of these moments of dreaded events or humdrum circumstances or even celebratory crazy-good times!

For, listen up! This is what really matters (says God)…… I am bigger than any of those instants, good or bad.  My transcendent but real presence dwarfs each and every blink-of-the-eye unit of time that comes to you.  What is the next grain of sand of pain or joy, compared to me?  I will give you exactly what you need for the grain-sized moment that comes. Fear not, relax and rest in my provision – my manna for the moment.

Manna for the day

Now THAT thought settles my restless mind.

Tents, grime and life – all are temporary

October 19, 2014

Maria 2 Peter, Control, Fear, Freedom, Grace, Idols, Joy, Sin, Uncategorized , , , , , 2 Comments

I think a lot about sin each time I get into the shower.

The original whiteness of the grout between the tiles has turned yellow or gray.

Grimy tiles

Our house is 3 years old and already shows wear.  I take a scrubby sponge and rub hard, leaving the narrow 2 inches of grout a bit brighter.  But it doesn’t last. And that’s only ONE spot.  Other pencil lines mock me.  There’s no way to clean it all up and make it last.

Just like the sin in my life.  There’s more sin than I can possibly eliminate. Not that I was ever sinless.  I know that this parallel, comparing my life to household dirt, breaks down in the very fact that NEVER are humans pristine, even as newborns. Especially not as a newborn, as any set of young parents affirm.

So do you know what I conclude, every morning in the shower?  That there’s no point getting worked up over how the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics affects my house. (Think: entropy, running down, getting dirtier, wearing out…….)

And if my mountain cabin which once LOOKED perfect isn’t going to last, then neither is my body. We are born to die.  It’s pure illusionary to think as a baby grows and develops that he is getting better and that his upward trajectory will continue.  But try convincing a teen or young adult of THAT truth!

As ‘wiser adults’ we should apply some of these life lessons to ourselves.  Instead of fighting the inevitable by combing our hair to mask baldness or spending money on face lifts or indulging in any of the fountain-of-youth-like gimmicks, let’s accept the reality of the average life span ordained by God.

Cosmetic Surgery

Here’s how embracing this time limit can actually liberate us.  Take Peter, for example, that bold and outspoken disciple and later church leader. In his second letter, he announces to the church that he is not going to be around much longer.

I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. 2 Peter 1:13-14

What struck me when I read his words was how much stupid energy I invest in ANGSTing over my body, my tent.  Tents are not meant to last long; no one views them as permanent structures.

Have you ever witnessed someone decorating their tent? or worrying because it was stretched a bit too much here, or missing a grommet there or ripped on the edges on this side? That would be silly!

Peter’s acknowledgement that his very real flesh and blood would soon cease to function, his declaration that HE, PETER, was living IN a tent, that is a temporary shelter, struck a chord with me. In which way? First….

  • that he was separate from his body

And second….

  • that his body was not going to last

Too often I think:  “I am my body!”  which means, if my body is lean (per the scales), I feel good and all is right with the world.

Scales in bathroom

But when I step on the scales and see that the number shows a gain of even  .2 or .8 lbs, I LET a symbol kill my joy.

 

 

So it was a gift, when a glimmer of light pierced my prison cell on Saturday.  I was reading Peter’s encouragement to his people when I came across his description of the ‘tent’ that he was using temporarily.  A freeing question scattered the gloom, “Why spend so much emotional energy and time beating myself up over something that is soon to be replaced?”

So yesterday, I did not step on to that ‘daily determiner of my mood’.  Nor did I today, although it was a real fight.  I craved confirmation that I was good/okay, that I was “…..’better’ than the average bear!”

Yogi Bear

This is not NEWS to me – my attempt to save, prove or justify myself.  In fact I have been praying for over a year, that I would step OFF of the ‘measurement’ treadmill and step INTO the light of grace.  I obviously still struggle with that perverse streak in me.  That’s the one that is in all of us – causing us to want to earn our ‘okayness’.

 

 

But given this insight about tents and the folly of investing much energy in one’s temporary shelter, I am hopeful that I may soon be free of this way of thinking. After all, God himself declares that NOTHING is impossible with God.

So pray with me, dear sisters and brothers in Christ – May we find our safety and REST in God’s delight and purpose for us.  May we not get deceived into pursuing our own ‘okayness’, when we already have been gifted with God’s approval and love.

Tent with a hole

Question: in what way are you a prisoner to measuring yourself?

 

 

The danger of worry and anxiety

September 21, 2014

Maria 1 Peter, Anxiety, Fear, Humility, Husbands, Marriage, Prayer, Trust, Worries , , , , , 3 Comments

When I was mucking around in my anxiety, Satan’s lies slipped past my defenses and entered my mind as MY own thoughts and MY own analysis of reality.

Satan's lies

 

 

 

You can call this blog post Prayer Part 5 – what happens when you don’t trust God ON whom you had cast all your worries.

A couple of months ago, I offered to share some insights I had learned about contentment at a conference I attended in June.   A Saturday morning workshop for the women of my church seemed like a good idea back in July.  I don’t work during the summer and I was enjoying a more leisurely-paced life when I suggested this to my pastor.

Here’s reality:  School has been underway for 4 weeks now. The workshop is scheduled for 6 days from now.  I still need to review and finalize the material.   I didn’t realize that I was counting on VISIBLE chunks of time later in the week.  Just the night before one of those chunks became rescheduled with something else – a very good something else.  Nonetheless, that block of time dropped off my schedule and I had been fighting anxiety for 24 hours.

It’s GOOD to plan ahead.  But we should not rely on or TRUST the provision we can plan, orchestrate and see in lieu of trusting the only true and most capable provider whose name is Jehovah Jireh – ‘the Lord will provide‘.

It was Thursday, almost 6 pm and I was en route home from Asheville having done the weekly grocery shopping.  I knew that I would have very little time to relax (aka READ) before having to go to bed.  There were groceries to put away, dinner to fix (albeit a simple one), my breakfast and lunch to sort, chop and prepare, dinner to enjoy with my husband and then dishes.  But I was praying and believing God that He could stretch my 15 minutes or so of ‘me time’ to make it AS satisfying as 45 minutes.  And I had finally turned over the workshop reduced planning time THING to God and was trusting Him in the present situation at hand.

But then Mike (who writes from home for World magazine) casually mentioned that his audio piece had aired that day. We usually grab our drinks and head downstairs to listen on the big speakers to his 4-minute technology segment he writes and records.

My first thought: This will cost me SEVEN whole minutes!  Grim Wife And out popped GRIM WIFE!

I said tight lipped, “I don’t have time to listen right now, would you mind terribly if we listen tomorrow?”  And I slid into the sin of unbelief AND idolatry.

The most important thing I could have done at that moment was value my husband and trust God to stretch the time.  Instead I put MY agenda over my husband’s needs.  My anxiety and panic and yes – my anger at being so limited in time began to grow as my vision took in JUST my needs and the resources I could see.

I’ll spare you the ‘bad-to-worse back and forth’ my anxiety caused my husband and me.  But you can imagine the 24-hour coldness that invaded our relationship.  The discouraging truth was that I was doing the very opposite of what God has been emphasizing to me over the past few weeks – trusting Him with my worries in order to be:

  • clear-headed,
  • single-minded and
  • focused on the one and only thing that is important – His kingdom right here

God commands us to humble ourselves AND hand over our worries to take care of because we actually have MORE important work to do than our own agenda.  We’re to pray.

And when we don’t, the ever-roaming enemy Satan, creeps in to devour our peace and contentment and joy in Jesus. How uncanny that this ‘fight’ happened right before a workshop that might help women step out of some unbelief in their lives….

Sorry

I’m happy to report that our Father gave me a repentant heart desiring to ask my husband’s forgiveness and to get back on track doing what is in my job description and NOT what is above my pay grade.

 

 

Disclaimer:  My husband IS a huge help around the house.  He cleans our house every Friday since he works from home and I commute almost an hour each way to school.  And it’s not like he was standing by idly while I was putting away groceries.  He had gotten our produce box from the farm.  He had carried in all the groceries and put away the 2nd frig stuff.  Much of the chopping and prep of salads and veggies is for my breakfast and lunch.

How Prayer and Trust relate

August 10, 2014

Maria 1 Peter, Anxiety, Belief, Doubt, Fear, Prayer, Promises, Psalm 50, Trust , , , , , 2 Comments

 

Call on me in the Day of Trouble

 

 

 

As Paul Miller says, we all think we stink at prayer!

I would imagine that this assessment is a plot of the devil and his evil pals.  If they can get us NOT to pray, then God won’t accomplish much.  At least this is what the Satan thinks, thus laboring steadily to dissuade us from spending the time and energy and getting our hopes up!

But God….(two powerful words that introduce HOPE)…is ALWAYS at work so we should keep on stumbling through prayer by faith and trust He’ll help us grow in this area.

*

I’ve been reading an encouraging book on prayer.

Link to the book

Power of Prayer - Samuel Prime

 

 

 

 

 

If you purchase this account of the New York revival of 1858, chapters 16, 17 and the final one are worth the price of the book.  They made me WANT to pray.

Here is my take-away after spending a month in these pages. Picture thick ice that covers a lake in winter. ice on a lake

 

 

 

When you trust in the efficacy of the ice to sustain your weight, you venture out.  The degree of faith in that ice has NO effect on whether the ice is sufficient to bear your weight. Whether you timidly step out onto the ice (a little bit of faith) or you stride out boldly (strong faith), the ice’s ability to hold you up is not effected one whit.

The promises of God are like the ice.  When God says in HIS WORD that He will do this or that, we can be sure that He will!   Why? – because He is a perfect God who never changes.  His character, the sum-total of His attributes, is consistently above-reproach.  If He is ever or even one time good, He is ALWAYS good. If He is faithful once, He is ALWAYS faithful.  If He does what is right one time (act with righteousness and justice), then He will ALWAYS do what is righteous and just.  Why?  because His character  is on the line at all times. His primary motivation is for the glory or reputation of His name

Closely intertwined with His character are His promises.  What He says He will do is as good as done.  It’s money in the bank, as some would say.  His character is the foundation for His Word.

So, when you step out onto the solid ice-covered lake of His Word, it’s NOT

  • the strength or quality or purity of your faith
  • nor is it even your goodness, aka faithfulness
  • nor the quality of your past few quiet times
  • nor how committed you are THIS time to do…

It’s ALL Him.  And that is good news.

To sum up, here is my analogy –

Throwing up a prayer to God and then resting in the PERFECT assurance that He will hear that prayer and use it and take care of the situation/desire/need as HE best sees fit, is akin to stepping out on the ice-covered lake and having confidence that it will hold you up so you can play to your heart’s content.

Taking that worry back for yourself is like running in off the lake before you even crossed over to the other side or played a game.

Here’s what we have to remember:

Once we pray, and when our mind STILL returns to the need/concern/situation/desire, we must remind ourselves that the ice WILL hold.  God WILL take care of “it”.  His character and His word are our guarantee.  If we have to remind ourselves twelve times in 2 hours to leave the need in His hands, that’s okay.  No shame – we can do it!  It’s part of our learning curve in trust.

So I ask – what do you have to lose besides your old friend – the worry habit?

Question: Which worry or need are you willing to risk losing, by discharging it on Him? 

What to do with fear, worry, doubt and self-pity

July 6, 2014

Maria Anxiety, Doubt, Fear, Grace, Idols, Psalm 34, Worries , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Francis Frangipane quickly put his finger on just what fear, worry, doubt and self-pity are:  tools in the hand of the devil.

Frangipane - the 3 battlegrounds

In his book on spiritual warfare, Link to Amazon here, Frangipane explains how by recognizing when there is a disturbance to your peace, you can turn away from all those SELF-feelings and submit to God’s will.  The supernatural gift of peace that will flood or trickle back into your consciousness is actually a blow against Satan.

 

 

 

Here’s how this teaching has helped me during the past week.

Multiple times I caught myself worshipping the false God of the What If (that is – meditating on imaginary fearful scenarios – some of my temptations to worry focus on the safety of my kids and their families driving….)

When I caught myself worrying/fearing, I stopped and said:

  • This feeling is a tool from Satan
  • I’m serving a false god by spinning out these thoughts
  • Let me run back to the only true and living God
  • He tells me: “Don’t fear what they fear; do not be frightened” (1 Pet 3:14b)

A brief parenthetical explanation – I learned last weekend at the Gospel Coalition Women’s Conference in Orlando that to eliminate the satanic fears that plague us (what one speaker called ‘servile fear’ – akin to what a prisoner might experience being dragged off to be tortured and/or executed) we must replace them with the healthy, life-giving fear that God bestows on us when we are saved.  This is a ‘filial fear’.  This right view of God, called the Fear of the Lord, is similar to what a beloved and secure daughter or son feels toward the parent whom they want to make smile.

  • My God reminds me of the healthy kind of fear by saying, “Instead of those deadening, depressing fears you’ve indulged in, fear ME, the God who created you and who sustains you.  Then you will see clearly and be reminded that I have everything under control.  Keep your eyes on ME and step by step I will guide you because your heart is focused on submitting to my will.“
  • Once I have thought this through (takes about 30 seconds), I breathe deeply and the peace flows back into my consciousness.

fear of the lord

 

 

 

 

 

*

As encouraged as I am by this new way of thinking, I want you to know how often I bow down to the god of fear and worry. I catch myself falling back into life-sucking thoughts multiple times in the day.  But I’m beginning to feel more powerful, now that I can talk back to the Master Liar and step back into the light.

talk back to the devil

Psalm 34: 7 to 9  The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. 

Fraud and Freedom

February 23, 2014

Maria Anxiety, Fear, Grace, John, Judgment, Peace, Rest, Sanctification , , , , , , 2 Comments

What if we could take off the mask and let the world see us for who we really are?

Fraud - 23 Feb 2014

None of us is truly transparent.  We present our best foot forward and then go on the defensive when called on our less than accurate self- projection.

I heard the story told of an older pastor who had given a talk at a PCA (Presbyterian Church of America) conference.  A young serious pastor approached him after his delivery and said that he had been much ‘grieved’ by both his attitude and his talk.  The mature man nonchalantly acknowledged his comment but didn’t say anything else.  The earnest young man continued with something like: ‘You shouldn’t be teaching those things in that way!’   Again….the bait wasn’t swallowed.

Finally the exasperated mininster sputtered, “Well, don’t you want to know what I think of you!?”

“Not really,” came the response, ” but if you really feel you have to tell me, I’ll listen…for about 15 seconds!”

At that invitation, our young man spit out, ” You’re ARROGANT, SMUG and WRONG!”

The calm older man looked at him in the eye and said one word – “Bingo!”  Then he continued, “You’re right, but you should have seen me 5 years ago!  I’m a lot better now, thanks be to God!”

Bingo - 23 Feb

**

Can you imagine how free you would feel not to have to pretend, project or protect?  No reputation to be maintained….no persona to nourish…no posturing to keep up?  Just safe and secure knowing that you’re chosen by God, loved by God and being sanctified by God.  And since God knows everything and it’s HIS opinion that counts, you wouldn’t have to care what others would think.

I can SEE that and TASTE that…but I am not there yet.  But, boy, do I sure want to swim in THAT ocean of freedom and grace.

Dear Lord, translate this vision into something I can grasp and live in!

Grace upon Grace - 23 Feb 2014

How to be a little kid in God’s kingdom

November 3, 2013

Maria Fear, Matthew, Prayer, Weakness , , , Leave a comment

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

Two lines of thought occurred to me about this verse.  One springs from the the question:

How do little kids act around a good daddy whom they love?

  • they run to him when he comes in the door
  • they want to hang on him and snuggle up close
  • they trust him
  • they cling to him when afraid
  • they don’t try to impress him, they are totally real
  • they are content just to be with him
  • they don’t fear losing his love
  • and when their daddy has to be stern about something, they take him seriously

The other is this:

How does our daddy train us?

  •  his arms are around us as we swing the golf club those first few times or as we handle a T-ball bat or steady a pistol at first.  It’s totally him, but we are physically and  kinesthetically learning as he guides the motion.

  • And the times we DON”T feel his presence, we’re like the small child jumping off the diving board into the waiting hands of Dad in the pool. He’s got us totally covered and protected even though we’re alone on that board.

Martin Luther cried out to God in a written prayer, deeply desiring His reassuring presence the night before facing the Diet of Worms. this brave child of God knew he was facing death and felt alone.  Here are a couple of excerpts.  The entire prayer can be accessed at this link –   Luther’s prayer the night before

O God, Almighty God everlasting! how dreadful is the world! …. . O God! O God! O thou, my God! help me against the wisdom of this world. . I have no business here . . .  I would gladly pass my days in happiness and peace. But the cause is Thine . .. My God! my God! dost thou not hear? My God! art thou no longer living? Nay, thou canst not die. Thou dost but hide Thyself. Thou hast chosen me for this work. I know it! . .

Lord – where art thou? . . . My God, where art thou? . . . Come! I pray thee, I am ready … O God send help! . . . Amen!

Apparently Luther never FELT God that night but proceeded the next day, nonetheless, to draw a line in the sand and stake his life and beliefs on Scripture.  Was his heavenly Father absent or present with him?  Of course God was there – His nature is to be unchanging and God has promised that He’ll never forsake us.  God’s felt absence was part of His training plan for his servant, Luther.

Like the daddy in the pool, even if we can’t see him, he will NOT let us drown.  We might plunge deeper in the water than our comfort level dictates, but all is under His complete care.

My take-aways?

  • Just stay a child in how we trust and relate to God
  • Expect Him to push us further than we want to go
  • He has already assured the results and invites us to ‘help’ Him just like your son might help you mow the lawn

Suffering – a daily reality

October 6, 2013

Maria Deuteronomy, Fear, Isaiah, James, suffering, Trials , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

“Expect suffering every day”   – so says Tullian Tchividjian in his book Glorious Ruin – How Suffering Makes You Free.

Just that concept, that suffering is part of daily life, is liberating.   I have spent too much energy trying to ward off suffering, rather than relaxing in the knowledge that Jesus is with me in my daily trials.

Maybe you share some of these false ideas that I have entertained:

  • if my suffering isn’t as bad as starving children, persecuted Christians, languishing prisoners, tsunami-victims, cancer patients, then it doesn’t count
  • if I pray effectively enough, I can block or mitigate the suffering in the lives of those whom I love
  • suffering is to be avoided
  • if I’m suffering, then God is either absent, doesn’t care, can’t do anything or  just is not good

As I have written before, I wouldn’t have chosen or planned ANY of the suffering in my life, but I do see the blessings that have come to me from

  • eating disorders
  • anxiety issues
  • marriage problems
  • money crises
  • perplexing parenting decisions and situations
  • fears of POOR parenting
  • inadequacies I have seen and still see in myself
  • consequences of bad decisions
  • relational pain that I have caused friends and family members because of my sin
  • spiritual ups & downs
  • being fired once
  • receiving a poor performance review at a former school
  • pets and parents who have aged and died
  • lost dreams

And so now, in the present moment, as I currently suffer with

  • a dying cat
  • a rough start in a new school
  • a tighter budget
  • doubts about my abilities in all my roles with others

…….I remind myself that just as there were past blessings that flourished in the soil of suffering,  God has good (what the Hebrews call TOV) planned for me that will be revealed in the current pain.  Therefore,  I strengthen myself in the Lord with His promises of present help and future grace.  Here are just 4 of many, many great proclamations from our loving and all-wise Father:

  • Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10) 
  • No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly (Psalm 84:11b) 
  • Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. (James 1: 2-4)
  • Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of _______(whatever the circumstance) _______ for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deut 31:6)

What promises of God are YOU clinging to?

My Fears and God’s Faithfulness

June 16, 2013

Maria Faith, Fear, James, Uncategorized , 1 Comment

Job and his three ‘friends’

I think we are scared to articulate our fears because of Job’s observation, “That which I feared has come upon me!”  Job 3:25

I am so very grateful that all the things we worried about (worry – repent….worry – repent….) did NOT happen.

Each time the ‘what-ifs’ attacked, we would discuss them and place them in their proper context that started like this, “Yes, we are scared that:

–      our loan approval won’t go through at the last moment, or will be delayed, or they will ask for some documentation that we don’t have

–      the cats will get loose, or old Leia will die from the stress of the move

–      the back-to-back closings won’t come together in the correct sequence

–      our buyer will back out at the last moment

–      the moving trucks won’t make it up and around the hairpin turns (can you say, “26-foot moving truck!”)

–      the house in Newport News will be damaged by the movers carrying out furniture

–      the house in NC will be damaged by the movers carrying in furniture”

…and continue with one of us reminding the other:

“But God has shown Himself faithful in the past, by…..”

And we would tick off numerous answers to difficult needs in the past

Why are we afraid to hope that something good will come to pass?  Is it because of our 24/7 news culture that blasts wave upon wave of human pain, natural disasters & examples of our evil hearts?   My faulty reasoning goes like this, “Why should I expect to receive anything good when so many people are suffering?”

Thankfully, God has taught me HOW to correct my thinking through the example of the psalmists, the prophets and some of Israel & Judah’s good kings who proclaim how loving and good our God is.  Aren’t you über-glad and grateful that we belong to a GOOD God and not an evil God?   We take His goodness for granted at times and at other times fear that our allotted blessings have been used up.

Here is how I should more accurately reason each morning when I awake and need to dispel the ‘Eeyore thoughts that hover:  “Maria, if God saved you when you were indifferent to Him, how much more will He lavish His loving gifts on you now that you are in relationship with Him as His daughter?”  We have to go from the greater to the lesser.  Jesus’ substitutionary death on the Cross was a much more difficult and loving act for God than coordinating our move!

Today is Fathers’ Day.  The ultimate Father who delights to give His kids good gifts is who we worship as our Eternal and Holy God.  When men are fathering at their unselfish best, one can get a glimpse of how God delights to cover us with His love.  We just have to magnify that little speck of human love by infinity.

So here’s how God did more than we dreamed of hoping as we still cast cares on him daily and sometimes hourly:

Moving Day - thank you Lord for these 2 men and their chainsaw

1)    The day before we closed and moved in, we had our walk-through with the couple who built and lovingly tended this mountain home.  During our two-hour briefing, they gave us the phone number of a Mexican man who clears land and has a chain saw.  The next day, as we drove up the hill, keys in hand and cats in the back, we greeted the first obstacle: a fallen tree from the previous night lay across the road.  It proved heavier than we could budge.  We prayed and then I called the chain-saw man.  Abel & a helper ‘just happened to be’ across the highway clearing some brush and weeding for the Balsam Post Office.  They arrived in 10 minutes, drove back to Waynesville to fetch their chainsaw. Within 45 minutes that tree was chopped and dispatched. Thirty dollars paid for a provision of grace long-ago earmarked for us on 14 June 2013.

Moving Day - Here comes Truck # 1 up the gravel rd

2)    Our only neighbors had a truck blocking our descent on that same ‘day-before’ visit with the sellers of our house.  We met Marcia as we asked to have the truck pulled in so we could get by.  The driver of that truck rued the entry into our area and said the drop off and narrow gravel road with jutting rocks made it difficult to maneuver past.  When I mentioned that a same-sized truck was coming the following day and going further UP the hill with switch-backs, he said, “God bless them!”  Of course, that experience caused Mike and me to go round and round with the fear of the movers NOT being able to make it up our hill.

So imagine our surprise when one of the drivers called not 24 hours later on D Day (delivery day)) and said they were up the gravel road at the fork and wanted to know which way to go.  They had already passed the jutting boulder- what a blessing to see them coming up the hill!  Only one glitch at the end caused some more desperate prayers, but God provided planks that the previous owner had left in the basement!

Moving Day - Planks helped get out of rut

Thank you ALL for praying so faithfully and encouraging us.  I believe that your prayers provided the raw material for God to bless us.  I love how Jesus’ brother puts it (as translated by the Amplified Bible) “The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].” James 5:16

Through the challenges of the past 11 months, we have seen God answer one need after another.  When we’ve been in the dark, we ‘did what was at hand’ and trusted that He would provide more info on the morrow.  That’s basically Elizabeth Elliot’s philosophy of ‘how to know God’s will’ – prayerfully and in reliance on Him, do the next thing at hand.

Knowing me and Mike, we will still battle fears, but we have MORE examples of God’s faithfulness to refer back to.  “Remember when/how God…..” are words that you all probably say a lot too.  It’s good to build a track record with God – of His mighty works.

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