Am I harder on myself than God is?

May 8, 2016

Maria 1 John, 1 Peter, 1 Timothy, Faith, Fear, Forgiveness, Hebrews, James, Psalm 103 , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

1 Peter 4:8 – Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

James 5:20 – Remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins.

Psalm 103:12 – As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Faith's Hall of Fame

Have you ever wondered at the accuracy of God in his assessment of major Biblical personalities such as David, Lot, Noah, Moses and Abraham?  A few of the sins in their lives include:

  • murder
  • adultery
  • parenting of daughters that is abusive by its shameful neglect
  • drunkenness
  • pride
  • self-protective lies that potentially jeopardized the line of God’s chosen people?

Come on, God! You know everything.  Don’t these ‘biggie’ sins disqualify all but maybe Enoch, about whom you report only positive behavior and character in Scripture? How can you even love, let alone acclaim these men You created, called and commissioned?

I thought about this incongruity when struggling a few days back with heavy thoughts of what a poor mom, mother-in-law, friend and grandmother I am.  Maintaining relationships in the way I think they should be cultivated is difficult for me.  Oblivious in my earlier years, but increasingly aware since I turned 35, I have grown in both my appreciation of and commitment to investing time in the dearest of people.  Yet….I often beat myself up for not “X-ing” enough (substitute multiple action verbs for the X).

In the middle of the current ‘I’m not enough’ doldrums, I passed on to one of my daughters-in-law as worth reading a blog post that resonated with my current bleak self regard. She immediately shot back some probing questions that forced me to look even closer at my pity party.  One of her arresting thoughts was this:

  • The more I love my ‘I don’t do this well’ self-assessments, the freer I am to see God work IN those weaknesses.

Hm….

That was last Sunday morning, right before church.  So I worshipped God while all the while thinking through what might be God’s perspective about my ‘muck’.  It occurred to me that nary a ‘Bible Giant’ such as the five I mentioned did everything well.  In fact, when they worked on their own, they fell into big sin.  Only when they served in humble and thankful dependence on God did they experience supernatural results that pointed to God’s intervention.

And isn’t that what God wants?  If we humans, we Christians succeeded in our own wisdom and strength, how would God look good and desirable?

If my weakness is NOT something God despises, then, why do I grant myself freedom to indulge in such negative introspection?  After all, God provides a quick and effective way out of sin, out of my moral debilities long marinated in self-condemnation.

  • If we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from ALL wickedness and unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9  And what is unrighteousness, but doing something in our own strength and wisdom.  God calls that sin, because…. 
  • Whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. Romans 14:23

There’s actually another sin going on in my stewing in my ‘I don’t do this well’ muck.  It’s plain ‘ole’ fear, mixed with shame.

What do I fear?

  • I’m ashamed that relationships with others, including family, friends and grandkids do not come easily due to my selfish nature
  • Just as I felt insecure as a young mom…that sense from long ago has carried over into feeling unsure as a grandmother
  • If any of my friends or family knows that I have to ‘work at’ a relationship they will feel less loved or think I’m being artificial.
  • My pre-supposition (and fear) must therefore be, “anything that doesn’t come naturally, spontaneously from the heart, is 2nd rate and not authentic. If you have to work at loving someone, you must not really love them. And if you KNOW that about me, you will think less of me.”

Self-criticism  In those ‘I don’t this well’ areas, I obviously have been listening only to these fear voices.

But if I think back to Old Testament ‘giants’, I also see how God assesses them throughout other passages.  For instance, the so-called Hebrews Hall of Fame spotlights the noble actions of some well-known personages.   It doesn’t take much study to notice that those God acclaims as praiseworthy are also ones about whom we have read many unsavory accounts.

What does that say about how God views His children and perhaps how we should view ourselves?

Could it be that as forgiven, adopted and beloved sons and daughters what count are the actions done IN faith, IN dependence on Christ, with no subtraction due to our gross sins? (or ‘little’ sins for that matter – since all sin is forgivable by God when we confess)

And if that is how God evaluates us, sinful as we are, should we spend more time than say, Paul, who acknowledging himself as the ‘worst of sinners’, yet does not allow that fact to deter him from moving ahead.  (1 Tim 1:15 – This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”–and I am the worst of them all.)

So, bottom line for Maria, and maybe for you:

  • Yes, there are areas of my life where I am wobbly (my Mom’s term), but they should point me all the more gratefully to God’s promise to be sufficient for me.
  • It is WRONG and SINFUL to fear and beat myself up (a form judgment and of self-atonement – 2 jobs God has explicitly told me to leave alone.  See Ex 20:3 – Thou shall have no other Gods before Me!)
  • With plenty of areas of weakness, why not look at these situations as prompts to practice turning straight away to God for my supply?

Final thought to marvel over and give thanks: 

Because God the Father has already forgiven my past, present and future sins thanks to Jesus’ substitution for me in death and life, God can justly keep track of those deeds done in faith and happy dependence on Him.

Dear Father, send your Holy Spirit to remind me to STOP beating myself up, even though that is a familiar habit.  Remind me, supernaturally, to look to Jesus for both forgiveness and provision to believe and to do what and where and how You are calling me as your child.  Resting in the sure promises of Jesus, I ask this.  Amen

 

 

3 Strikes and Still in the Game!

September 20, 2015

Maria 1 John, Confession, John, Romans, Sin , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

3 strikes

It was a week for sinning.

Not that I set out deliberately to sin against God and my neighbor.  But God removed some Holy Spirit restraint that operates in those moments when I refrain from saying, doing, or writing something hurtful, self-aggrandizing or unnecessary for building up one another.

First, I wrote a response to a family member’s email to me in which I assumed her motivation.  And I got it wrong, both confusing AND hurting her with the words I chose in my reply.  Had I THOUGHT a bit more and put 2 and 2 together, I would have realized the more likely cause of her reaction.  Actually, the BEST and SAFEST response for me would have been simply to ask her the reasons for what she wrote me.

I asked God’s forgiveness and then hers.  Both granted.

Second, I was in a church meeting and it went longer than I thought it was supposed to.  Irony of ironies. I’ve been writing about how God has been teaching me that delays are part of his sovereign plan to exercise my faith in his promised provision. Yet when the pop quiz came, I blew it. Though I did in fact consider my choices:

  •  I could bank on his ability to stretch my time beyond what my eyes could see.
  •  Or not.

I chose to count on my own pre-set time boundaries.  So I abruptly and obviously left a table of 7 other praying women in the middle of one of them praying out loud and took matters into my own hands.  I knew it was wrong and rude.  And I did it anyway.  Drove home convicted and knew while I was talking to God that I had to contact each one and apologize.

He forgave me and so did the 6 of the 7 women I was able to speak with personally at church today.

Third, the very next day after this second sin, I was talking on the phone with a friend who is coming to visit soon.  She mentioned the possibility of adding an extra day to their trip to visit a mutual acquaintance if he were willing to invite her and her husband to dinner at his house. Instantly savoring some anticipated pleasure in the nasty comment that formed in my mind, I blurted out, “Oh, you don’t want to go to his house for dinner…”  As I was uttering these words, Bam!, God convicted me through the Holy Spirit. But I chose to indulge and finish with the intended mean reason.  I did try to back pedal by tacking on something mealy-mouthed. And furthermore, I certainly did not get the jolt of satisfaction I had imagined.  (isn’t that the way with every sin?)

I knew what I had to do.  I called back my friend to ask her forgiveness (as soon as I got ‘off the line repenting with God!’) She didn’t pick up so with some relief at not having to humble myself personally with her I left a lengthy message.

How EASY and quickly the urge to sin comes on us!

As I’ve thought about these 3 instances: one with my writing, one with my feet and the last one with my lips, I am reminded of 2 verses and an application:

  • If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.     1 John 1:19

With this first scripture, we have God’s promise that we (who are believers) can be cleansed from each and every sin when we turn to God and confess it.  When we do he restores our judicial righteousness (that we have legally, forensically by faith ever since we placed our confidence in Jesus’ death in our place).  Therefore we don’t have to WALLOW or keep asking and re-asking God to forgive us.  Once sought, it’s granted.  We’re restored straight away.

The real-world application comes from Jesus’ unusually humbling washing of his disciples’ feet. His explanation when Peter remonstrates and almost refuses the Lord’s service is the prompt for how seeing a principle that can be used when we sin. Here is the setting: 

feet washed

  • He (Jesus) came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean.

What strikes me, is that believers who have been justified at the cross are clean.  Each time we sin, we get our feet dirty, so to speak.  When we repent and confess to God, he cleans our feet. Fellowship restored. Peace with God renewed.  Relief and joy felt and burden lifted!

But what about ‘the next time’ the urge to sin strikes?  Is it a matter of having to double down and CONTROL my natural impulse to say and to write and to do what is wrong?

If that were the case, I’d have no hope.

No, I think the key is found in Paul’s prescription in the 12th chapter of his letter to the Christians in Rome:

  • And do not imitate this world, but be transformed by the renovation of your minds, – (Romans 12:2a) 

My hope and yours in sinning less is to soak in God’s powerful and living Word, which is infused with Holy Spirit supernatural power. The more we meditate on and look into scripture, the more our minds are renovated or renewed.  Our desires are then changed and out of changed desires come changed behaviors.

The ‘Miracle Gro’ of the Christian life IS the Word of God.  And in Jesus and His word, I rest and place my hope.

Miracle Gro

Jesus is even better than a permanent ‘bail bondsman’!

July 18, 2015

Maria Repentance, Romans 8, Sin , , , , , Leave a comment

Meditating on the HISTORICAL fact that Jesus has lived out the judicial sentence I deserve for my past, present and future crimes against the Holy God.  I have been declared ‘debt-free’.   And Jesus now accompanies me as my SURETY.

Jesus paid my debt

What is a ‘surety’?  “A surety is an individual who undertakes an obligation to pay a sum of money or perform some duty or promise for another in the event that person fails to act.”

Because Jesus is my permanent ‘surety’, I don’t have to rely on my own righteousness. (not that it would ever be ‘good enough’) That means that I can repent EACH time I succumb to those deceptive shortcuts to happiness, aka ‘sin’.

Thank you, Father, that with Jesus grafted permanently in me because of the new birth, I can begin –  again –  to follow You with a pure heart and willing mind.

This is what God calls sincere, upright and blameless. What an amazing deal for us, that He delights in and is pleased with all these PURE-intentioned starts, SINFUL falls, HONEST repentances and HUMBLE willingnesses to pick right back up to follow Him.

Romans 8:3-4  For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.  And so he condemned sin in the flesh,  in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

Stay in your boundary!

December 27, 2014

Maria Anxiety, Colossians, Fear, Galatians, Grace, Walking with God, Worries , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

A night at Cousin Terry’s home gifted us with more than good fellowship and food. We were also blessed with a powerful word-picture or image to remind us of how to live the Christian life, with peace and rest.  The picture below is what I’m calling a ‘boundary circle.’  I’ll explain in a few.

Heart Shaped boundary

 

 

 

 

Christians, by definition, are new creations.  They have been rescued from the futile, darkened kingdom of self & death (run by the Father of Lies) and transferred into the Kingdom of Light & Life, where the Triune God reigns.

Paul explains this to the believers in Colossae,

  • For he has rescued us from the kingdom of darkness and transferred us into the Kingdom of his dear Son (Col 1:13)

As freed prisoners, now owing our allegiance to our Rescuer, everything is different:

  • I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

Although a Christian for the past 33 years, I’m a slow learner.  What I’ve found to be true in my life, and it probably is so with you, is this: to the extent that we take in knowledge about God, we grow more like Jesus.  If we don’t EAT spiritual food, we imbibe worldly food. Think Junk Food, ‘and there is no health in us’ as the Book of Common Prayer says in a morning confession.

From the moment of ‘transfer’ new believers belong to God as His adopted children, with full rights and privileges, to include a future, guaranteed inheritance. However, I’ve learned that unless I call myself back to present reality, I can revert back to that former, but still very comfortable way of thinking, that of a ‘slave to sin’.

Slavery

 

 

Here’s the rub.  Life is hard, whether you’re a ‘Christ-ling’ or a ‘World-ling’.  But as an adopted child of God, an heir with Christ, I have full access to the love, the power and the promises of God.  I’m not meant to live, dependent on my own resources.  I am a new creation: ‘Christus-Maria’ 

All that being said, despite having been a Christian since the age of 24, I still battle unbelief.  I find myself frequently imagining, worrying and fearing this or that. Our cousin Terry is a mature and wise Christian woman who has learned to trust God by trial and error (aka falling into sin and then repenting) through prayer and nourishment from God’s word.  She is also very real, the kind of Christian with whom you can feel SAFE in admitting your struggles.

So when I shared with her, during our overnight the content of the worries and fears that plague me, she passed on the advice gleaned from a wise Christian man who lovingly admonishes his fearful wife each time she shares a worry:

‘Honey, you’ve stepped out of the boundary of grace for the moment, for the day!  There’s no grace NOW for where you’re hanging out – the future. There’s only grace for the present. Get back inside the boundary!’

So back to the protective circle of love at the top of this post.  I picture myself yoked with Christ, WITHIN THAT CIRCLE OF LOVE.  As long as I keep step with Him, then all is well.  The strength and direction come easily as I walk, moment by moment, in conscious communion WITH Him.  It’s only when I run ahead in my thoughts to the future hypothetical ‘what-ifs’, that I find myself in the scary ‘badlands’ of possible dangers, outside of my boundary of love.

Yoked

 

 

How senseless to run on ahead, alone, as a weak and defenseless little donkey, leaving behind my supernatural Older Brother and Redeemer!

I find comfort in this image of a protective circle of love and grace surrounding the new me, harnessed to a comfortable restraint permanently linking me with Jesus. More and more, I am learning to ‘harness’ my thoughts, to rein them in, back to the HERE and NOW where Grace is King.

Question: Where are you running ahead of your provision?

 

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