Resolving marital conflict, while vacationing

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So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. James 4:7 NLT

I had to humble myself before Mike as he did with me. Today is day five of this year’ journey to northern Italy with a couple of days on either end in Zürich.  Travel stress reveals our hearts, laying bare who we really are. 

Mike daily focuses on safely maneuvering the rental car, a Czech Skoda, as we listen to Italian directions and watch the Apple Car Play map display and verify with the road signs. That plus narrow one-lane streets that squeeze past ancient stone houses. I’m trying to be ‘helpful’.  It doesn’t take much effort to picture what our conversations are like.  

This afternoon, having parked the car for the night and after some unnecessary words from me about driving, we changed clothes and hiked up to a chapel on a hill.  As the church bells pealed, informing the valley that it was 4 pm, we slid into another verbal ‘splat’.  Mike turned around and sharply asked, “Why are you acting like this?  I was actually agreeing with you! Why do you feel you have to explain things to me?”  

Stunned into silence, I couldn’t account for my words either. Suddenly, I recognized what this is: spiritual attack!  I blurted out, “Mike, Satan is trying to mess with us. God has been so good to us. He’s brought us to a beautiful place and we’re hissing at each other. Please, pray.”  He recognized what and who was behind the day’s conflicts and asked me to pray to the Lord.  I did, pleading for Jesus to restore our union with Him and each other. Then we asked each other’s forgiveness.  And it was done. Peace restored.

Our good Father called us into marriage 45 years ago because He knew we’d rub each other in many unhealthy ways. Gradually, thanks to the Holy Spirit’s oil of peace, God is sanding us down, smoothing out the sharp and rough edges. Creating something beautiful out of each of us, I pray.

God keeps working, especially on vacations.  

Butterfly Development School

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I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33 NLT

I dipped into Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest.  Today he addressed the normal hardships of life like this: “The strain of life is what builds our strength”.

Immediately, because it’s summer, I thought of butterflies.  Maybe we’re all in Butterfly School!  If the chrysalis doesn’t struggle to break out of its cocoon, she won’t live to delight the world. But maybe she feels as I do, “This is harder than I thought!”.

Oswald continued, “Are you asking God to give you life, liberty, and joy?  He cannot unless you are willing to accept the strain.” 

As I reflect on what I’m fighting, anxiety about some international travel in a few days, a new possibility appears.  Maybe today’s strain, this struggle to trust Jesus, is just part of Butterfly Development School. If that’s the case, then this adversity is making me beautiful!

And yes, I should know better.  There is no such thing as a life free from problems, hardships or adversity.  In my case, strain-free travel doesn’t exist, for I can’t control weather, mechanical issues or people. 

But what if I turned into the strain, as does a sailboat tacking into the headwind? I smile and relax as I picture a trip where I count on God’s strength. Instead of picturing my fears, I’ll turn around and head straight into God’s arms as He powers my trip. 

Are you a cheerless Christian?

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The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Psalm 126:3 NIV

In a few days, my good friend will celebrate her wedding anniversary with her sweet husband. As I’ve been praying for her, I came across this beautiful verse in the Psalms. How appropriate it is for a couple’s reflections on their shared life or for someone enjoying their birthday.

Mike and I have been married almost 46 years and we can say with grateful hearts that the Lord has worked marvelously in our lives. And no, I’m not overlooking the painful months and years. But the good far outweighs the troubles!  

Spurgeon has reflected that often Christians go around gloomy, consumed with problems, oblivious to God’s goodness. That should not be!  If anyone is in Christ, then he has experienced a wonderful transformation of his status. For sure THAT qualifies as a great thing. Besides, what kind of calling card are we Christians if we talk about our woes all the time?  Or wear a cheerless countenance? 

For one, we all know that a thankful heart is good medicine. But more importantly, the Father delights in giving His kids good gifts. Learning graciously to receive them makes Him happy.  

So, recall some of God’s recent blessings and put a smile on your face! You never know who might ask you why you’re so happy, opening a door to the Gospel.

What do you do after you ask God for His wisdom?

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I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. Ephesians 1:17 NIV

You know how people often advise “You better not pray for patience, for then the Lord will give you lots of opportunities to practice!”?  Similarly, I believe that asking for God’s wisdom brings on situations where we must turn away from trusting ourselves and instead look to Him for guidance. 

Mike’s brother and his wife find themselves in this situation as they search for a house. They’ve been house-hunting on and off for more than a year. They sold their last home some years ago. And ever since have been renting. Presently, they are living with Eve’s mom in Toronto, taking care of her.  But they have to find a new place to live soon and that back in the US, for Steve, Mike’s brother is not Canadian as is Eve. 

All along they have been praying for wisdom and a breakthrough in a tight real estate market in upstate New York. I don’t know their hearts, but if they are like me, I have often pleaded with the Lord for wisdom and then continued on doing what I thought was right. 

Recently, God dropped some guidance into Eve’s heart.  It actually was a reminder of something He had told her a while back, something she had ignored. The counsel was this: “First find the church. Then you’ll find the house.” She took Him seriously this time.

When Eve texted me her word from God, I grew excited. God’s direction to her resonated with me. It’s confirmation of Jesus’ commandment: Seek first and prioritize God’s kingdom and then all these things you need will fall into place. (paraphrase of Matthew 6:33) 

Paul, in his encouraging letter to the Ephesians,  links praying for wisdom with the purpose of knowing our God better.  Various other wise Christians agree. From my journal where I collect quotes, here are three such writers.

– Malcolm Muggeridge once wrote, “Every happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message.”

–Oswald Chambers penned the same.  “In each event, we should say: Speak, Lord, for I am listening and ready to receive.”

–And Ken Boa has taught: “Events in our lives are not neutral; they are God-given opportunities to gain wisdom.”

Looking at the Hebrew term for wisdom, I’ve discovered that this practical or ethical knowledge for living life, hakmah, can also be a kinesthetic attribute. Like a motor skill, it’s something we do, a physical ability we grow in, like a craft. 

As I pray for my brother- and sister-in-law to keep seeking and receiving God’s guidance, I ask the same for myself, my family and friends. I trust Him to come through, but I believe He is asking more, that is to let go of depending on ourselves. In the end, as we walk by faith in God’s promise to provide, we will grow to know Him better. 
Fear of the LORD is the foundation of wisdom. Knowledge of the Holy One results in good judgment. Proverbs 9:10 NLT

What’s in a name?

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The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice. John 10:3–4 NLT

Do you ever wonder what name Jesus calls you? Up until Sunday, I assumed that in John’s account of the Savior’s teaching that He would just use my regular name, Maria, to call me. But then I thought about all the whimsical and loving nicknames Mike and I have for each other, our sons and our cats. 

When I met Mike and started dating him, I called him Bear.  Not very original, I know. But then he became Punky Bear, and eventually Bear Chil’. (child, without the final D). He named me Bean, Monkey Bean, and finally Monkey Blossom. Now we refer to ourselves as Bean and Bear. Naming someone denotes love, connection and intimacy. 

I’ll spare you the extra names we’ve bestowed on our two sons and all the cats we’ve loved over the past 45 years of marriage.

Thinking about the God-man and Good Shepherd, why would He not name the sheep under His care?  After all, Adam selected names for all the animals God brought to him.  Believers, disciples of Jesus, are more than sheep that follow Jesus. We are also His little brothers and sisters.  Family members, with whom our Lord enjoys a loving and playful relationship. 

Could He perhaps have more than one pet name for each one of us, according to our moods and our actions? However many, each name communicates His commitment to our well-being. Furthermore, just as we are individually called, we are also blessed to know His voice.  

Maybe you, as I am, are finding that the more time you spend reading God’s history, His letters as well as instructions, that is the Bible, the better you can discern His voice. For sure, I’m learning to distinguish the Lord’s words from those of the thief whose name is Satan. As we learn from Scripture, this foul spirit seeks to blame, shame, separate and destroy us. He has no love for us. And he calls us ugly names.

Wondering about what name Jesus calls me has made me think of the one and only pet name I had as a little girl. My grandmother Mimi lived with us until she died when I was 22.  And she used to call me, ‘Maria Baby Ball’.  (My middle name, Ball, comes from one of my southern ancestor’s surnames.) I cringed as an older child when she used that name. But now I see it for what it was, a sweet way to communicate delight and  closeness to her grandchild whom she loved. 

If God loves birds THIS much……

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Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. Matthew 10:29 Berean Standard Bible

We named him Enoch.  Our little bird for whom we have been praying. He finally left the nest in one of our hanging baskets. Each spring, we suspend two ferns from our upstairs balcony.  The first few years living in this house when bird mommas would select one of our plants to lay her eggs,  I would disassemble the nest’s progress each day. Miserly Maria did not want to sacrifice a large fern!  But the bird parents proved unstoppable and I finally yielded to God’s will.  Now we pray for the eggs and the hatchlings to make it.  We don’t water the ‘chosen’ fern, but just monitor it, knowing we’ll replace it once the little ones launch.

This season, as the hanging basket chosen by a new bird family  grew lighter from no water, occasional strong winds would whip it around. One night during a rainstorm, the unthinkable happened. Mike found the fern on the deck the next morning.  Two naked fledglings had been tossed out, one dead and one still breathing.  He quickly scooped up the survivor, carefully placing him back into the nest. 

We started praying, not knowing if the parents would take care of him.  But they did. And Baby Bird started to grow. More rainy and windy days followed, so we carefully placed a small can of tomato sauce in the nest to give it some weight.

In time Enoch, as we named our survivor later, sprouted wings and started to flutter everytime we came near to water the other hanging fern.  His parents appeared attentive, feeding him regularly.  He seemed to have reached maturity.  But he wasn’t leaving the nest.  Could he have PTSD from having been flung to the ground?  Or was one of his wings broken? 

On Monday of this week, an entire community of sparrows flew around the nest, loudly chirping as if to encourage Baby Bird to try his wings.  We didn’t know what to do.  We kept praying for wisdom. We wanted the One who loves birds to handle this, since He knows them better than we do.

Then yesterday we decided to place the hanging basket on the floor of the balcony and turn it so Baby Bird could look out at the sky and not at our balcony door. Once the basket was on the deck, he was almost head down at an angle, looking like he would fall the two inches out of the nest. There he remained, seemingly paralyzed with fear.

A few hours later, he was no more to be seen.  Mike looked all around the balcony and I checked the ground underneath including in the bushes. Enoch was truly gone.  The Lord had come through! Our baby bird had launched.  

Now you can understand why Mike named him Enoch. Genesis 5:24 describes his namesake: Enoch walked with God, and then he was no more, because God had taken him away.

God really did hear and heed our prayers for this little sparrow. What a beautiful picture of why we can be all the more assured that Jesus hears our prayers and knows exactly what we need. We can confidently rest in the Lord who cares for all His creation, especially those who bear God’s image.

Organize your heart to make room for Jesus

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…you have no room for my word. John 8:37 NIV

When I taught French in middle and high school I learned not to give any explanation of why something was expressed a certain way. Unless asked.  Students usually didn’t want or need to know more than what something meant. 

Can you pick up that I did not teach French using the old-fashioned ways of focusing on grammar and vocabulary. I was after language acquisition. I wanted students to have the language living inside of them, so it could emerge naturally. Afterall, isn’t that why anyone would want to learn a language, so they can communicate with someone?  Mistakes and all? 

Yet, when a student DID ask me a question, I recognized right away that he had found a space in his brain to receive a very short and precise explanation.  He was receptive and ready to digest something new.

This morning I saw the parallel principle at work in John.  Jesus is explaining why those questioning Him don’t believe His teachings.  Their minds are so taken with the idea of being descendents of Abraham, that they have no space to consider a new doctrine. Five verses earlier as John records, Jesus had said: 

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Each morning I take in God’s word.  But maybe I don’t have freed-up space to notice something I previously overlooked. 

I’m motivated now to ask for the Spirit’s help tomorrow morning. May He clean up and perhaps order my heart’s understanding so I can be open to receiving pure Gospel truth whether from the Old Testament or the New. That way I can grow and become more fluent in Gospel Hope. 

Ever-present help that brings peace

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May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, . . . Romans 15:13 NIV

I’m editing a book of 365 short devotionals that I composed over a four-year period.  Just now I re-read one of them and found encouragement and perspective I could retro-apply to a recent visit with family.  In my earlier devotional I wrote about my dreading an upcoming planned occasion and how Paul’s verse together with the Holy Spirit changed my outlook prior to the event.  So encouraged, I launched into a mystery hunt, expecting to learn something that would bless me.  And God came through, using His word and a changed expectation to see and receive the gifts He had planned. 

Fast forward to this month when Mike and I shared eight days with two of our grandkids. Some intense emotions and puberty girl drama occurred during their stay, eliciting all  our empathetic listening skills.

Compared to when we raised our two sons years ago, we proved better equipped to offer supportive listening with lots of hugs as well as spoken prayers for this precious Chrisitan granddaughter. She clearly was struggling with some important and deep early adolescent issues. We HAD to depend on God and He came through in a beautiful way. The Father gave Elizabeth some spiritual insights while communicating His total love for her when she doubted. We felt privileged as she confided in us which enabled us to support her with love.

A couple weeks have passed since our grandkids were here, but my empathetic skills have remained sharp. Omniscient God had already prepared me to assist my husband when he felt battered by two painful life occurrences. How did that unfold? During a sleepless night, while depending on the Holy Spirit, I received an insight prompting me to offer something to Mike out of love. In the morning, when we talked, my offer quickly dissolved and softened the blows he had received. 

Maria’s lesson?  The God of Grace is enough, both for me and for me to help others. He promises supernatural joy and peace when we trust Him. Looking for God’s spiritual gifts and listening for His voice is how I can receive exactly what I need from Him.

What kind of good works?

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[Jesus] gave himself for us . . . to purify for Himself a people for His own possession who are zealous for good works.

Titus 2:14 ESV

My colleague who volunteers with me on Tuesday mornings overflows with love, desiring “to do good works.” Her large and soft heart embraces those unacquainted with Jesus’ good news. But her husband doesn’t yet share this passionate zeal. She mourns this reality. Seeing other couples aligned and serving God together pains her.

Paul wrote to Titus about  these “good works” prepared by God for us to do. But just what did he have in mind? Looking to the Gospel of John, we read:

What must we do, to be doing the works of God? . . . This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent. John 6:28–29 ESV

My friend who is drawn to helping others would likely respond, “I already DO believe in Him!” True, but the Greek word for believe means to trust, to “en-trust all things to Jesus as Lord.” What Jesus is calling for is a handing over of all that concerns us. For my friend, this includes her husband’s spiritual journey. 

It could be, and this is just a conjecture, that until she actually believes that Jesus has got this, the situation might not change. Jesus might just think it best FIRST to grow HER unequivocal confidence in Him. And then grow her husband.

How God helps us in our marriages

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Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.

 Malachi 2:15 ESV

I never noticed this before until our Sunday School teacher read from the Malachi the other week.  The prophet records God’s reminder to the Hebrews that when He instituted marriage for all of creation, each married couple received some of His Spirit as a gift. 

If couples throughout all time have been endowed with divine presence in the form of some of His spirit, think how much more help we have, as Christians!

For example, when Mike and I were married, we were faithful church attenders, but not yet Christians.  Although we thought we were,. Afterall, we believed in God, we acknowledged that Jesus was the Savior and we had been baptized. Those around us in our denomination at the time would have said that was enough ‘to qualify’.   But once we saw our sin and turned from it for the first time, understanding its seriousness, we gratefully grasped Jesus’ offer of salvation. With awe.

Now, with the Holy Spirit permanently abiding in us, we have His permanent help for our marriage. As Paul writes to the Colossians, Christ in me, the assurance of Glory.   Jesus through His Spirit is never going to depart from Mike nor from me. That makes a significant difference in marriage. 

Yes, Satan and his foul spirits are set on destroying all marriage, but we needn’t worry. We just need to recall God’s good gift to help us strengthen our union with each other. 

I’m going to start praying for married Christian family and friends specifically for them to remember that they have the greatest resource to help them in their conflicts and suffering. They and we are not alone in this life. 

And for couples for whom God’s plan includes children, Malachi affirms God’s commitment to help them raise godly sons and daughters.  If God is FOR us in our marriages and families, then we have nothing to fear. 

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