What’s wrong with being good enough?

September 27, 2021

Maria Contentment, Covetousness, Luke 12, Pride , , , 5 Comments

“Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness…” Luke 12:15 ESV

I tumbled.

From an inflated view of myself.

Before the fall, the Father let me get away with preening for 36 hours. Then came the painful slap down. I felt shocked, humiliated, shamed, and sad.

My life’s vocation centers on language acquisition. God started me off with German at age 11 followed by French, thanks to a dad in the army and assignments to Germany and Belgium. Attending 9th grade in a French-speaking school introduced me to French and provided a strong base.  Eventually, the door opened for me to get certified to teach French and German.

French was my prime focus, for it is a more common offering in American schools. I did all I could to improve my French from using a French study bible, to trips with students and our family to listening to daily podcasts, reading novels and the occasional movie.  After 27 years in the classroom, I felt fluent.  I could talk with ease about most anything. Not native fluency.  But fluent for an American learner.

In March 2019, I retired when we moved to Huntsville, Alabama where Mike took a new job.  I turned my attention to learning Spanish.  With intense focus on this new language, I set French on the back burner, confident that I wouldn’t lose my facility with it.

Then suddenly, a French friend whose video content I used in my classroom for enrichment, asked me if she could interview me in French for her YouTube channel.  She thought that my ‘aha!’ moments about language acquisition, given that I was now learning Spanish, together with my experience teaching French by means of comprehensible input rather than grammar would interest her audience.

I started listening to French podcasts and watching videos to refresh my skills.  We recorded in early September and the interview posted this past weekend on her channel. 

I knew I had made errors in French because my brain has been processing Spanish for the past 30 months. So, despite the inevitable grammar and vocab mistakes, I

felt pleased as I viewed the interview.

Before it posted, I had listed all the French speakers I knew with whom I could proudly share this interview.  I forwarded the link to some 15 contacts.  Yes, I felt proud.  And it felt good.

You can see where this is headed!

Sunday afternoon, I opened the video to copy the link to send to someone else. I paused and read the comments some viewers had posted below.

Here’s what popped my pride balloon.  Someone had written: ‘What level conversation would you say this is?’.  Alice, the host, replied: ‘intermediate’.

There it was, an objective evaluation of my ability to speak French. I was shocked.  Intermediate?  Me?

This hurt SO much for two reasons: First, I thought I was reasonably fluent. Second, shame flooded me in realizing with what pride I had forwarded on this interview.

The sadness grew deeper. Fatigue set in after dinner.  And I could hardly wait for bed.

I didn’t sleep well, awake some of the time going over and over how I felt.

But God!  This morning, with my journal opened, I read today’s passages.  Then I moved on to some scriptural prayers and devotions.

The Holy Spirit was speaking to me through scripture.  Slowly, he led me through the obvious pride diagnosis to deeper matters, more serious sins. A verse highlighting contentment shone a light on my covetousness. 

Picking up my pen, I wrote out a one-sentence prayer asking Jesus to strengthen me to be content in him, rather than seek contentment in my skill level of languages.

Then it hit me: “I have coveted fluency in languages for the praise of all people!”

My actions, my feelings, my thoughts, my goals have broadcasted for years: Christ is not enough to satisfy my deepest longings. Thinking that fluency in other languages will satisfy the desires of my heart, I have been off wandering, away from God.

People say pride is the worst sin. I agree.  But without seeing what fuels my pride, I can’t kill it.

Strangely with this Holy Spirit insight and my confession, I found hope rising, knowing that this new lesson is one step in God’s ‘holiness and happiness training’.

And what about being ‘good enough’? What a lovely and freeing life philosophy!  I’m embracing my intermediate-level French and where my Spanish is at this point.  Their levels are GOOD enough to help people.  I DID teach kids French for many years.  I AM ministering to Hispanic gals during my Tuesday morning shift at our city’s pregnancy resource center. The Spanish feels broken, but it is ‘good enough’. 

May I embrace trusting Jesus as my number one source of contentment and not wander off to other lovers.

Scarcity or Abundance?

September 23, 2021

Maria Abiding, Anxiety, Fear, God's Promises, Psalm 81 , , 1 Comment

I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. Psalm 81:10

I was watching a teaching series from the Identity Exchange called, “Become what you Believe”.  Jamie Winship pointed out how contrary the world sees and handles resources.  Scarcity is one of ‘pillars’ of those who DON’T acknowledge or who don’t live in the Kingdom of God.  The creed goes like this: ‘We don’t have enough, we are not enough, we don’t do enough, we aren’t smart enough, we don’t have enough time or information or…..  This ‘List of Lack’ or scarcity feels endless.  What a depressing message.

The other framework and place to live is God’s.  He is the God of abundant resources. And there’s no end to what he can and does provide.  His resources and abilities are beyond anything we can dream or imagine.

Jamie says that when we begin to fear, that’s a clue to our operating out of the world’s scarcity model. Fear can actually serve as a helpful signal, telling us to stop and figure out just what we are thinking. Whether we are afraid of a menacing bully, or a scary disease or how off the rail our children seem to be, at the bottom of each fear is this idea of ‘not enough’ or scarcity.

I’ll give you a for instance.  This morning, I started to tighten up when I received a text from a very dear friend.  It turns out that she and her husband will be passing through our town in November and would love to see us.  I looked at the dates. Any other time, I would have been excited.  But given what we have on the calendar right after this possible visit, my first reaction was anxiety, another name for fear. What was I afraid of?  That we wouldn’t have enough energy to turn around and be available to extravert and love those arriving 2 days later.  That might sound weird to you.  But we are introverted and ‘need time to replenish.’

Do you see how I was thinking? My thoughts and conclusions had their basis in this scarcity model.  By grace, the Holy Spirit reminded me of God’s abundance.  In my fear-filled scenario I was running ahead and assuming that we would have deplenished our energy balance.

I stopped myself and began to journal. I recognized this finite thinking layered with overtones of lack and privation. Here I was actually belittling the INFINITE God who formed me, who created me. This gracious Father who graced us with new hearts and free access to him by means of the Son.  And our Father expects us to stay connected, to abide in the Infinite Son, the source of all our supply.

Thanks be to God for his timing in giving me, through Jamie’s reminders, a new way to recall the resources that are mine as a Kingdom child. Furthermore, who am I even to predict that we will feel depleted?  I’m no prophet.

Besides, I mused: these potential back-to-back visits (and everything else!) is NOT up to me. I can no more manufacture energy than I can time.  No, Jesus calls us first to BE what we are, the ‘called-out ones’.  Then we are to BELIEVE and TRUST what He teaches us in his Word about his ‘enoughness’ to care for us.  Then we are to REST and RECEIVE the endless divine supplies, as we need them in the moment.

Scarcity’s sister is the lie that shouts (or whispers), “It’s all up to you!”  Thank God, that is not!  To fight the lie, we are to recall the Savior’s past rescues and provisions and then trust him to keep providing, to keep satisfying us.  For if we stop and rest and look up and EXPECT his provision (i.e., open our mouths) he promises to fill us.

Not to give us more than what we need, nor less. Just the right amount to keep us dependent on him.  Since he created us, he knows the measure of our emptiness and just what we require.

Curious, isn’t it, that as soon as the Lord provided this teaching via Jamie Winship, I now have a practical exercise to test out whether I actually DO believe what I have learned. 

Pull down that monument to Maria!

September 16, 2021

Maria Philippians 3, Pride , , 2 Comments

Others may brag about themselves, but I have more reason to brag than anyone else…… Philippians 3:4 CEV

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ. Philippians 3:8 ESV

I’ve been angsting for almost two years about whether to continue or to give up a YouTube channel that I created to help people acquire English. I started it with the idea of eventually replacing my classroom teacher’s income.  But the Lord worked out a different way to provide enough money when he rapidly moved Mike into a new job that required us to move here to Huntsville, Alabama.  I left my classroom before the school year ended and no longer needed to work.

Thus vanished my initial ‘why’ for the channel. Nevertheless, I continued creating weekly videos to help English language learners, referring to it as my ‘volunteer work’.  But the truth was I NEEDED to feel special about myself, to have an identity that was ‘interesting.’  Having lost the cachet or distinction of teaching French, I found myself clinging to this enterprise of being a content provider. But soon it began to feel like an obligation, not an ‘Oh, yay!  I GET to create another video!’

Over the past few months, I have worked to find out just what is behind this desperate desire to continue if it no longer gives me joy.  Of course, the One whose desire is to make me (and all believers) more holy has been gently but steadily pushing me to see the ugliness underneath this disordered need.

Recently, my personal trainer, the Holy Spirit, showed me that I have been chiseling a monument to Maria by continuing with English without Fear. Ouch! Embarrassing, but true.  

Further reflection along with a glimpse of my ‘ego-based yuck’ prompted this realization.

  • ‘It’s this need to feel special, Maria, that’s causing you to cling tightly to this English learning channel.’

With that insight, I then asked myself, ‘What does special mean? What’s that all about?’

The answer popped quickly into my mind. Feeling special is that craving to be admired as unique and different, all the while doing one’s inner ‘superior dance’.

Oh, my! It wasn’t long before I recalled Paul’s recitation of all the reasons that made him ‘special’.  Writing the Philippians, he rattled off his singular, stellar pedigree.

Oh, I so identify with him. I know he must have taken pride in his credentials and experiences.  For that is me!

But look at how he concluded what appears to be boasting.  In listing each credential, I think Paul is simply presenting the facts. God did privilege him.  But now, Paul has seen something far more satisfying, knowing Christ.  

Having my eyes now open to what has driven me all my life, I thank God for showing me the underlying motivation for much of my life.  I don’t yet desire Jesus’ glory like I long to, but I now know how to pray.

 “Father, give me Paul’s eyes and heart to feel as he does.  All my ‘specialness’ is but rubbish compared to intimacy with you.” 

In line with the wave of dismantling Confederate statues in the US, I am taking the first step toward a right view of God and myself by tearing down this ‘monument to Maria’.

And the YouTube channel?  I sense it’s time to close out that chapter.  It feeds my ego and feels burdensome.  From this point forward, if there is anyone interested in knowing how to acquire a language, I’m going face to face. That can be in person or through Zoom.  But no more just putting out new content week by week on the web.

Another lie bites the dust

September 9, 2021

Maria 2 Corinthians 2, Holy Spirit, Humility, Satan, Spiritual Warfare , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

We tear down arguments and every presumption set up against the knowledge of God; and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 Berean Study Bible

September in Alabama means withering heat. As I watered my ferns the other day, a disheartening thought flooded my mind: ‘Life is just one chore after another!’

‘That’s horrible, Lord! Say it ain’t so!’, I desperately prayed. Immediately, I countered with as many truths that I could muster.  For God has given me the ability to control my thoughts, to capture them and not sink under them. He has endowed humans with rational minds. I am not enchained to the suggestions that flit through my mind.

As I countered this enemy attack, I directed my gaze to the beauty of my plants, to the view I had from our second-story balcony and thanked God for his good gifts.  A new thought flowed from having turned my attention to the Eternal One.  I’ve read that as ‘I AM’, he inhabits each moment, so each of our moments is eternal, because they are stamped with the creator’s mark.

Already I started to feel cheerier.

Once again, I had been caught blindsided, by what I now know as a Satan-suggestion. I’m learning to be more alert for these very effective attacks.

As I’ve written in earlier posts, this season’s sanctification curriculum designed by the supreme guidance counselor, the Holy Spirit, is aimed at humbling me.  That might sound painful, but I’m finding it to be freeing.  Andrew Murray’s book, Humility and Absolute Surrender (assigned by the Spirit and sent to me by Regina) has convinced me of the spaciousness of accepting as gift the awareness that I have been designed to be needy, rather than to be enough.  I am learning to see each little humiliation, disappointment, delay as divine gifts. So far, I have been able to smile when I recognize them.  But, knowing the Holy Coach, he has more challenging training programmed.

The fern incident gave me a helpful insight in what it means to embrace humility.  Part of my obsessive quest to be enough as Maria (the opposite of acknowledging one’s emptiness) has included the capacity to get a lot done.  What’s ironic is that when Satan through watering my plants pointed to an endless stretch of tasks, he thought he could feed my productivity itch with his depressing message. Instead, it reminded me that I was not created to DO, but to BE.

God gave Adam and Eve all they needed in abundance. Furthermore, out of love, he daily sought them out, delighting in their happiness.  Sure, they were tasked with tending creation, but he didn’t fellowship with them to see if they had completed all their chores for the day.

Then Satan entered stage right and they swallowed the evil antagonist’s suggestion of self-sufficiency, thereby rejecting their father’s kindness. They were hood-winked into believing and preferring the idea that they could be enough. That they didn’t need God.  Would that they had humbly brought this plan to their creator for his take on it.

Instead, they fell for the lie, thus enslaving themselves and their descendants to the rule of Satan, the supreme head over the Kingdom of Do.

Out of his never-ending love for us, God has been steadily working his original good plan to free us from Satan.  I can imagine no greater gift than God’s liberation. Through regeneration, he gave me eyes to see the lie and a heart that desired to turn to him. At that moment, the Holy Spirit transferred me into the Kingdom of Be.

Happy humility and restful trust in THIS King are the twin principles of those who understand God’s plan. Yet, Satan doesn’t easily give up.  He keeps marketing the lure, the supposed reward of feeling ‘enough’ through doing more.

For too much of my life, I’ve been a sucker for that carrot. But, behind that fake, glittering prize lies ongoing enslavement and the Sisyphean burden of always doing and never gaining the relief I yearn for. 

Thank you, Holy Spirit, for alerting me yet again to the lie. Help me, by your power, continually to ‘hand over each thought to Jesus’ for him to evaluate it and tell me his truth.  

The lure of wanting to be ‘enough’ versus the freedom of humility

September 2, 2021

Maria Humility, Matthew 6, Pride, Psalm 22 , , 6 Comments

Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves Matthew 6:24 NIV

For decades, I have subconsciously felt that I am ‘not enough’ as I am and have compensated, without being aware of how much. 

Slowly over the months, God has been guiding me in a new sanctifying journey of coming face to face with what I now see as a sinful reaction to feeling like I am not enough. 

I believe I started to craft a ‘worthy’ persona in my sophomore year of high school.  Trying out and NOT being selected for a drill/dance team (one step down from the cheerleaders) together with a sense that I wasn’t popular changed my direction. I buried myself in academics. Not a bad thing in itself.  But it initiated a trajectory of increasing drivenness.

Something happened last fall to trigger this new phase of spiritual growth. Graham, my son, shared a podcast interview with guest Jamie Winship. When Jamie named that feeling of ‘not being enough’, God touched something in my core, that released tears.

Jamie went on to describe the freedom that comes from just journaling or talking out loud to Jesus about raw feelings and listening to what He says through Scripture. Since then, God has slowly been revealing the sin that drives one to craft a persona that is ‘worthy’ of the world’s attention.

Summer arrived and the process of leaving ‘enoughness’ to Jesus gained speed.  An overnight retreat and catch-up with my dear friend Regina brought painful but liberating insights.  As she listened to me, I suddenly could see how like Martha I have been and how much more like Mary I long to be.

Regina reminded me of Jesus’ humility and mentioned author Andrew Murray.  A few weeks later Regina gifted me with Murray’s book entitled, Humility and Absolute Surrender.

Then last week, at the end of August, Mike and I spent 5 days in mountains of North Georgia. We spent our mornings slowly, savoring the beauty as we read God’s word, thought, prayed and shared insights.

What I am learning from Andrew Murray’s book is this fact:

  • I am not enough and neither are you.  That is by God’s purposeful design for David writes in Psalm 22:9 (NIV) ….. you brought me out of the womb; you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.

So, my self-assessment at age 15 was accurate. The truth is, God did not design any of us to be enough, to be self-sufficient. He created us to be 100% dependent on Him, to be needy as a nursing baby.

I see now that although I accurately assessed my condition back in the ‘70s, I didn’t see that TWO paths lay before me.  I listened only to Satan’s solution, that of ‘making myself enough’. All along, another choice waited, that of owning my ‘not enoughness’ and embracing God’s plan for JESUS to be my sufficiency!

But, how would I have known?  I didn’t grow up in a Christian home.  I didn’t know anything about God other than a vague notion that He existed.

Murray presents the two paths, or you could say, the two kingdoms.  Satan encourages us to live in the Kingdom of Pride of Self (as I’m calling it) and Jesus invites us into his Kingdom of Humility.

As that opening verse from Matthew declares, the way into the Kingdom of Humility is to deny oneself.  For me, I define that as ‘stop feeding what make you think you are special.’   I don’t think I struggle with wanting to be self-sufficient. Ever since I became a Christian, I have prayed for what I need. But I now see that I take pride in so many aspects of Maria.  Every judgment I make about someone, practically without thinking, is a 180-degree statement of what makes Maria special.

Murray is providing me with new ideas, such as:

  • the glory of being just an empty vase chosen by God
  • how Jesus emptied himself
  • the freedom of being nothing
  • the spaciousness of letting everyone be better than me
  • the leisure of seeking only to learn humility from my Champion and serving my fellow man

I have much to learn and to put into practice.  But I feel hope-filled for the first time in a long time.  Thanks be to God!

How to live if you are an Afghan Christian

August 24, 2021

Maria Acts 20, Fear, Matthew 26, Persecution, Psalm 31, Romans 8 , , Leave a comment

As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” Romans 8:36 NIV

Followers of Christ in Afghanistan these days live with terror. All Afghanis must feel threatened, especially those who desperately want to flee Kabul.  But to be Christian in Afghanistan these days is to have a bulls-eye painted on your back with neon colors. As in other countries where believers are persecuted, neighbors know just who has accepted Christ and left the majority religious community, whether Islamic, Buddhist or Hindu.

Each morning as I read reports from Open Doors or hear the news, I try to imagine how I would feel. Just how I would deal with the pressure of impending death at the hands of the Taliban? How I would live with the fear that comes simply from being Christian in Afghanistan?

You’d have to live as though you were already dead!

That’s the only way I can think to reduce the tension, live with the stress.  Whether actual death comes today or tomorrow or next week, soon you’ll be with Jesus.  With that mindset, that you’re as good as dead, you’d have nothing to lose by helping other Christians, of spending yourself for neighbors, of even telling your executioners about Jesus.

We Christians SAY we believe that God sovereignly plans our birth and our death and everything in between, but I can’t say that I live that way, functionally.  I know I hold ‘my plans’ too tightly.

This morning I lingered over Psalm 31.  Verse 15 fit my reflections about the fall of Afghanistan to the Taliban.  “My times are in your hands…” NIV. I’ve read that the Hebrew word for ‘times’ can also refer to events or seasons.

Jesus knew this dual reality.  He considered himself dead to the world, and alive to his father.  How else can we explain his calm warmth during that last supper, the very night he was betrayed? Psalm 31: 5 proclaims, “Into your hands I commit my spirit” NIV.  Jesus gasped out these very words from the cross (Luke 23:46). And Stephen who was martyred likewise committed his spirit to Jesus.

I’m asking myself, “Maria, how would your life change if you gave back each day to the Lord, leaving it for him to do what he has planned.  Paul mentions, ‘not counting his life dear’ (Acts 20:24).

I’m not ‘there’ yet.  But thinking about the persecuted church, and especially Afghani brothers and sisters right now, challenges me.  And that is good.

If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. Matthew 16:25 NLT

Do Christians have any rights?

August 19, 2021

Maria John 1 , , , 5 Comments

…..to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12 NLT

Do you ever look at a verse and see it differently?  That happened to me this week. I came across John 1:12 in a prayer and it just stopped me.  Let me tell you why.

If you are American, then you have grown up with the sense that you have certain rights. The Declaration of Independence mentions ‘life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness’ as creator-endowed rights. At the time of our struggle against England, mentioning the creator added weight to America’s claim that no man-made government could deprive people of these gifts.

I grew up with a sense of pride regarding our country’s founding and I do thank God for all his goodness to America. But when I came across John’s mention of our ‘right to become children of God, I started to think of rights differently.  I asked myself, “Is it true that He has given all people the ‘right’ to life, freedom and lifestyle/work choices? What rights, if any, do we have from God?”

This musing over rights strikes me as ironic against the backdrop of the ongoing pro-vs- anti vaccine debates. Everyone points to their rights to do what they want with their own bodies.

John singles out a certain group of people who receive a right, those who trust Jesus. It is they who are welcomed into God’s family.

Seeing this ‘right’ in a new light, I wondered if the Bible describes other rights. I looked up the Greek word John used, ‘exousia’. This term can mean power, but it also includes the ideas of privilege and authority. Rights are a privilege that apparently come with ability to exercise them.

Looking back at the verse, I noticed something else, that this right is a gift. If something is a gift, then we, the recipients, have no ground for saying we are OWED it. In fact, God is not obligated to grant us this blessing or anything good.

Maybe a more important question to pose, rather than ‘what are my God-given rights’ is, ‘what rights does God have’? Do we, his created ones, owe him something?

That’s easy. As our creator, he owns us. He alone has the right to use us as he sees fit. He holds author’s rights. What do they involve?  Per Wikipedia, the rights of the one who creates something include property, that is economic, rights as well as moral rights.

Just thinking about God’s property and moral rights makes me want to shut my mouth about ANY rights.  You and I are simply grace-receivers.  I need help in shifting my perspective from that of a gal who assumes I have rights to that of humble child, grateful to receive as gift this right of being welcomed into the Father’s family.  I want to live with a mindset of stunned happy astonishment for having been included. It IS a privilege.

What follows next then is to ponder the responsibilities that come with family membership!

Do you struggle to have joy?

August 12, 2021

Maria Hebrews 12, Nehemiah 8, Psalm 2 , , , 2 Comments

The joy of the LORD is your strength, Nehemiah 8:10 NIV

I’m reading a book by Simon Sinek that my son Wes recommended, Start with the Why. One of his teaching points is that if employees sense their company respects them, including them in the company’s vision, the ‘why’, then profitable outcomes will follow naturally. Getting employee buy in and creating a work environment where they feel safe and valued increases retention and allows for innovation.

Would that had been my experience in my last school where I taught French! As much as this private school publicized their values and vision for education, in reality they optimized keeping clients happy, i.e., parents. The administration feared losing paying families.  They talked a good talk of being a progressive school which used ‘best practices’, but in reality, teachers were expendable and always at fault in any conflict with parents. The head and his staff cared most about keeping the bottom line in the black.

Just as building employee loyalty and confidence starts with decision makers optimizing a happy and safe work environment, so too does our God know just what will make us feel most safe, loved and cared for.

Look again at how God describes his people’s strength and safety.  He announces it’s connected to HIS joy.  Whose joy?  I used to struggle with this verse because I never feel consistently joyful about God.  I often wondered, ‘Is the strength of my faith dependent on the amount of joy I can gin up?’  Since my feelings go up and down, that thought offered no comfort.

But then I wondered, maybe the Levites weren’t talking about the people’s joy, but the Lord’s joy.  If that’s the case, wouldn’t that change everything?

So, is the Lord joyful? Is he a happy God?  What would you say?

I thought of two places in the Bible that present a cheerful God, one from each testament.

  • Psalm 2:4 NLT reports:  But, the one who rules in heaven laughs.
  • Jesus went to the cross, for the joy awaiting him. Hebrews 12:2 NLT

Closely connected to laughing and joy is pleasure.  At Jesus’ baptism, God audibly announces that he is ‘well pleased’ with his son. The Father repeats this at the transfiguration. 

I conclude that our triune God is a happy God.  So, how does that lead to our strength?  Think about parents.  What provides security to children? Happy and contented parents, for kids can then conclude, ‘If Mom and Dad don’t seem worried, then I guess we’ll be okay,’ despite difficulties. That parental quality might not be the only quality of a healthy home, but I’ll argue that it’s essential.   

To the degree that I can trust that God is not worried about life on planet earth in 2021, then I will feel safe.  Strength to face difficulties comes from knowing that we will always be secure, since God is in charge. Our heavenly Father is not rocked by world events. He can laugh and be carefree because he controls all events. As PCA pastor Scotty Smith repeats, ‘God’s sovereignty is my sanity.’

Finally, let’s connect God’s manifest joy and happiness to his peace.  Isn’t it logical that the one who controls all events and people, directing them according to his plan, is a God who is at peace?  He’s not stressed.  We all know that joy and peace flee when worry dominates.  Maybe this is why Paul’s exhortation to hand over all cares is a path to enjoying God’s supernatural peace, that state of tranquility that can only be explained by God being in control of everything.

It’s not my self-generated peace or joy that will steady me in this life.  Peace and joy from above flow downhill, whether from the executive headquarters of a company or parents in a family. As Christians our confidence in life comes from knowing that our God is enjoying himself and is cheerfully happy.  His joy is our strength.

How God used a Daddy Longlegs

August 5, 2021

Maria Creation, Ecclesiastes 3, Romans 8, Sin , , 3 Comments

Creation itself will also be set free from the bondage of decay, into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. Romans 8:21 Berean Study Bible

Each morning during the summer I like to sit out on the back patio to watch the birds, study the day’s Bible passages, pray, journal and read a bit in a theology book.  Right now, I’m savoring my way through John Piper’s Providence.

I love hearing and glancing up at the birds as I soak up early morning beauty. I don’t spend a lot of time watching their playful antics at our birdfeeder. I simply appreciate sharing the morning hour with them. But this morning at one point, not a bird, but an insect caught my attention and I became fixated.  A struggling Daddy Longlegs spider was nursing one of her eight legs which didn’t seem to working right.  She was trying to move closer to one of our plants, but kept falling over and resting.  Had she suffered a stroke, or broken a leg? Was she old? I couldn’t move my eyes off of her persevering move-and-rest struggle.

My eyes suddenly filled with tears.  Startled, I asked myself ‘What is going on?’ I’m not often moved to tears. But when something goes right to my heart, tears signal a deep feeling that I dare not ignore.

The Holy Spirit wordlessly whispered and I journaled: ‘Don’t you want to live in a world where no one and not a single living thing dies?  Where insects, birds, animals, flowers, trees, people flourish forever?’  Of course, I do.  I thought of the local pregnancy resource center where I volunteer.  Each of our appointments with gals who find themselves pregnant give us an opportunity to share the Good News of Jesus Christ.  I feel nervous sometimes and pray for a way to gently lead a gal into a conversation.  But this morning, I thought: ‘Why am I afraid to ask people that very question prompted by observing a handicapped spider? Afterall, God has wired all of his image bearers to protest death.

Don’t we struggle to let go of our beloved, aging pets?  Why do we shrink back from the ravages of disease or even old age in those whom we love?  Because it’s not supposed to be this way. We know that.  Even secularists feel this. 

Think about what drives the ‘health space’ here in America, where one can find fitness training programs, multitudes of supplements to buy and eating plans promoted with religious fervor. Engineers playing with artificial intelligence also come to mind. I don’t know a lot, but I hear enough about well-financed research projects to extend human life span, or clone versions of one self. None of this is new.  Weren’t we taught in our history classes that Ponce de Leon explored the new world, partly motivated to locate a fountain of youth?

Back to Mr. or Mrs. Daddy Longlegs who by the way, per Wikipedia live longer than I would have imagined such a fragile being could endure, 1 year for males and up to 3 years for females.  What brought me to tears is what the writer of Ecclesiastes 3:11 penned, ‘He has planted eternity in the human heart’ (NLT)

I pray that the next time someone brings up an aging and infirm person or beloved pet or even if someone laments the harm done to trees and baby seals, I pray that I gently ask them my Holy Spirit-inspired question:

  • Don’t you want to live in a world where no one nor any living thing dies? Yes? Then let me tell you how. That kind of world depends on one person, whose name is Jesus.

Friends, we have good news of a coming new and forever creation, where all will be made beautiful and meant to last. It’ll be better than Eden because we won’t be able to harm anyone or anything.  Finally freed from our sin because of Jesus, we will joyfully enjoy God, one another and the rest of the created world.

My sin exposed, the good and the bad of it.

July 28, 2021

Maria Addictions, Romans 7, Sanctification, Selfishness, Sin, Spiritual Warfare , , 1 Comment

For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Romans 7:19 NIV

For the very first time ever, I can say: ‘I hate my sin!’ I realize that until this morning, I have never seen my sin from God’s perspective: ugly, shameful and with a will of its own.

A trail of broken confidences follows me. Heart-sharings from Christian girlfriends who have trusted me as they confide and unload burdens. Issues that they would not want me pass on to anyone else.  And I have betrayed them.

A gentle malaise, a warning from the Holy spirit recently came over me when I contemplated ‘confiding’ in someone else what a friend recently had revealed to me. I ignored divine counsel and pandered to my naked lust to feel superior at the expense of a friend.  I have known this side of me for years.  And in the past, with ‘sincere and well-intentioned’ human sincerity tried to tamp it down, to resist indulging it. No success, nor any progress, evidently!

Writing this early in the morning, I now see the wisdom in John Owen’s advice: ‘Be killing sin or sin will be killing you!’ Constant vigilance is our call.  This is the ‘denying yourself’ that Jesus teaches.

What happened this morning, then?  I woke up from a deep sleep and rescue from a Holy Spirit nightmare.  I know it was from the Lord because conviction pierced my heart.  And I felt shame.

How can I call this good? Because the Lord has finally brought me to a place where I can say with true conviction: “I hate my sin.!”  No more will I harbor the illusion that I can control this behavior. Cold Turkey is the only remedy. Give it up, girl!  Yet, I know I have no power.  I don’t trust myself.  I am addicted to those sweet morsels of corruption, that once digested putrefy in my heart. Excuse my coarseness, but the results are far worse than those embarrassing farts!

I think THAT is the point, to know that I can’t control my sin.  It’s not a habit to be controlled.  I must be willing to eradicate it.  Is this the living sacrifice that God calls for?  To lay ourselves on God’s altar with honest vows and pleas? 

This morning, I begged, ‘Take this away from me, Father! Make me willing to keep offering it freely to you. Yet, you know I can put no confidence in Maria’s mind or heart to do this even five minutes from now. Like Paul who shared with the Roman Christians I admit…’

22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!

I see the way forward and it is daunting. For how will I and any of us put to death this insatiable monster named ‘Me!’? My and your only hope is a moment-by-moment alert, desperate, clinging, dependence on the Holy Spirit who IS our Ezer, our ‘Helper, par excellence’.

May the Lord give us that victory that is in Christ who is our righteousness and our sanctification. We already have his forgiveness. But I NOW want to be conformed to Jesus MORE than indulge this evil habit. Keep me abiding in that NOW.

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