Butterfly Development School

August 5, 2025

Maria Fear, God's Power, John 16, Problems, Struggles , , , , , 1 Comment

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33 NLT

I dipped into Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest.  Today he addressed the normal hardships of life like this: “The strain of life is what builds our strength”.

Immediately, because it’s summer, I thought of butterflies.  Maybe we’re all in Butterfly School!  If the chrysalis doesn’t struggle to break out of its cocoon, she won’t live to delight the world. But maybe she feels as I do, “This is harder than I thought!”.

Oswald continued, “Are you asking God to give you life, liberty, and joy?  He cannot unless you are willing to accept the strain.” 

As I reflect on what I’m fighting, anxiety about some international travel in a few days, a new possibility appears.  Maybe today’s strain, this struggle to trust Jesus, is just part of Butterfly Development School. If that’s the case, then this adversity is making me beautiful!

And yes, I should know better.  There is no such thing as a life free from problems, hardships or adversity.  In my case, strain-free travel doesn’t exist, for I can’t control weather, mechanical issues or people. 

But what if I turned into the strain, as does a sailboat tacking into the headwind? I smile and relax as I picture a trip where I count on God’s strength. Instead of picturing my fears, I’ll turn around and head straight into God’s arms as He powers my trip. 

Is it a sin to express the darker emotions?

November 4, 2023

Maria Fear, John 16, Luke 22, Painful emotions, Psalm 112, Strength, Struggles, Trusting God, Truth , , , 2 Comments

“Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not My will, but Yours, be done.” Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him. And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground. When He rose up from prayer, and had come to His disciples, He found them sleeping from sorrow. Luke 22: 42-45 NKJV

Do you ever find yourself afraid of what awaits you in the future? Potential losses or disappointments?

Or course the Bible describes in detail our Father’s good plans for us, plans to give us a land (work) fertile enough to produce what we need and to share with others. But we also know that Jesus promised suffering in this world.

I’ve occasionally shared with a close friend that it’s not MY personal suffering I dread. Rather I project or imagine the pain I would feel if one of my family members were to suffer loss.  It’s other people’s pain that I fear I can’t handle.  These disordered dreads go back to childhood patterns my parents unconsciously modeled and taught me. Only in the last couple of years have I been realizing that I might not need to fear OTHER people’s feelings. A new idea has recently helped me in this growth.

Last week, to my surprise AND my relief I found someone articulating exactly what I have lived with, this misty dread of the future. On page 179 in her recent book, The Garden Within, Anita Phillips writes:

“Sometimes we say we trust God even when we’re not sure that we do.  It can be hard to sit in the presence (of God) when you’re not sure you’re safe there.  Not trusting God is the same as being afraid of God. But it’s okay to share your fears with the Creator.  It’s okay to say that you are afraid of what might happen. That you are afraid of what God might allow.”

After I read and reread her words and let them sink in, I thought about Jesus in Gethsemane and how an angel strengthened him.

In the worst of the most unimaginable sufferings ever experienced by a man, gazing into the hell he was about to go through, the Father fortified him to bear up. Rereading the text’s timeline surprised me.  First came the angel alongside of Jesus divinely strengthening him.  THEN began the horror.  Don’t you find it strange that Jesus endures ‘agony’ to the point of excreting bloody sweat at THIS point, and not on the cross? 

Could it be that God gives us space to imagine the worst?  To feel the future sadness that loss might bring?  I think so.

But as believers, we are left alone in our suffering or even our thoughts of potential, future suffering. God has placed within us something better than an angel, himself as permanent Comforter and Provisioner.

Therefore, I don’t need to fear deep emotions like grief, whether mine or someone else’s.

I should know this because, even if for a few moments, when I let Mike in on what I am going through or what hurts, I feel better.  Patience and genuine empathy radiate from him.  If a fellow human being can bring relief by just sitting with us in it, surely God does that even more.

With Jesus as our model, you and I should feel relief in knowing that God welcomes ALL of our emotions. No need to stuff them or bear them alone. Nor is it a sin to get angry or to fear the scary. The sinless Savior freely expressed joy, love, satisfaction, disappointment, unmet longings, anger, grief, hurt, depression and fear. And he practiced what he taught. Look at how he ‘gets up’ after wrestling with God in prayer. With a peace-filled settled heart, he turns to give a hand to his disciples who are exhausted by all that is happening. We, too, can experience peace each time we return to the Lord.

My takeaway after meditating a while on all this, is that you and I can ‘approach the throne of grace’. When we turn back to Jesus and get real with him, that is when we confess or ‘truth tell’ as Jamie Winship calls it, we receive his consoling fortification via the ComFORTer.

Since he has given us his promises to soak in, I take them to heart. The most reassuring and perfect one in this week’s experience has been from Psalm 112: 1, 7 (NIV):

…..blessed are those who fear the Lord, who find great delight in his commands…….. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.

Yes, we are promised sorrow, but listen to Jesus’ assurance to you and to me:

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33 NLT

Power dressing by borrowing Christ’s clothes

October 14, 2021

Maria Abiding, Ephesians 6, Luke 24, Philippians 1, Struggles, Trusting God , , , , 1 Comment

And behold, I am sending the promise of my Father upon you. But stay in the city until you are clothed with power from on high. Luke 24:49 ESV

I lay awake for a long time the other night ‘thinking through’, (i.e., worrying about) Thanksgiving week when all five of our grandchildren and their parents will be with us.  I don’t ‘do grandparenting’ well.  I often feel insecure in my ability to plan activities and engage naturally.

I woke up tired, knowing that I’d be depending on the Lord for energy to serve at the pregnancy center this morning, as well as the day’s other commitments.

After reading the Bible selections for the day, I turned to my Andrew Murray book Abide. The next chapter following where I had left off the previous day dealt with Holy Spirit power.

I began to feel a bit energized as I copied in my journal one of Murray’s meaningful passages: ‘When Jesus strengthens believers, it is not by taking away the sense of feebleness and giving in itself the sense of strength….He actually increases our sense of utter impotence.’

Murray went on to explain that our feebleness and his strength actually co-exist, side by side.

Then this ‘money’ sentence hit me like a glorious two-by-four.  ‘….all our strength is in Christ, laid up and waiting for use.’  Now THAT was worth a sleepless night.  Here is what the Holy Spirit clarified for me.  Of course, I feel helpless, weak, ill-equipped as a grandmother, just as I did when I taught French in the classroom. That is intentional, so that I count on and rejoice in God’s power made available to me. Jesus brims with creativity, energy, joy, and knows perfectly how to engage kids.

Then another coin dropped, that God has intentionally given me some painful experiences that have led me to conclude that I don’t have what it takes to be a fun grandma. (It is given to you both to believe….. and to suffer….. Philippians 1:39). Furthermore, he perfectly timed my sleepless night to prepare me to receive THIS particular Andrew Murray piece about being clothed with God’s power.

Jesus in the Luke passage says we will be CLOTHED with the Father’s promised power.  It’s like a garment, a cloak of strength.  It’s not OUR strength.  We have to trust, count on and rely on the garment of Christ’s power. All by faith in the invisible promise of God.

I might not ever feel okay as a grandmother of young children. I might forever feel like I’m NOT enough so that my grandkids really sense that I enjoy them and that I make them feel cherished.

The good news, the GRAND news, is that God expects me to be enough, to be strong and capable and equipped IN the Lord. (Ephesians 6:10). 

Now, I have a concrete way to picture accessing divine vigor and creative abilities through slipping into Jesus’ power coat. I’m not meant to grandmother on my own. Or do anything, for that matter, in my own Maria strength.  So glad!

Is God behind all this global suffering?

June 7, 2020

Maria Deuteronomy 15, God's will, Isaiah 46, Philippians 4, Poverty, Salvation, Sovereignty of God, Struggles, suffering, Thinking, Thoughts, Trials, Trusting God , , , , , Leave a comment

News agencies world wide report droughts, floods, murders, homelessness, job loss, disease and more.

Christian organizations such as Open Doors post pleas for prayer:

  • Unprotected, Christians murdered in Nigeria
  • West Africans suffering from Fulani, sickness and little food
  • Locusts in East Africa destroy crops
  • Daily assaults on Christians in Asian country

Is all this suffering from God’s hand?

I am a Christian who believes that the Bible is the true word of God. I thus accept as fact what God teaches, that nothing happens outside His sovereign will. (some thoughts about ‘two wills’ of God)

Isaiah 46:9-10  I am God, and there is no other;
    I am God, and there is none like me.
 I make known the end from the beginning,
    from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
    and I will do all that I please.

I am thinking, thinking a lot these days and reasoning from what I know, from what God says in His Word. He doesn’t answer all my questions, but there is enough truth for me to ponder and think clearly.  He expects me, as one of His, to apply my mind. ‘Think on these things’, Paul exhorts in Phil 4:8.

I know that all that has befallen me in my 6 decades: the bad, the painful, the shameful, the sicknesses, the sin, the blessings, the rescues, the deliverances, the joys, the ‘pleasants’….all have been planned for my good, to bring me to Jesus (rescuing me from the right judgement of my guilt and fair eternal penalty) and to make me holy like Him.  If God is God and if He is good, wise, all-powerful, faithful and loving, then He has good reason, good purposes for what He does.  Whether I see His reasons. Whether I agree with them or not.

I don’t struggle with that anymore IN MY OWN LIFE. 

But recently I’ve been thinking those who are REALLY suffering in the world, in what we call the 3rd-world areas. (Is there a ‘second-world’ label??)

My pain and struggles have been those of an advantaged American born in the second half of the 20th century.  Past and present – far more people have been and are overcome by poverty, hopelessness, violence, hunger, sickness, disastrous weather and terrorism.  Does God work all those imagination-defying ‘awfuls’ to bring SOME to Christ and make THEM more like Jesus? Are these conditions His tailored will for their lives, just as my circumstances are for me?

That is what I have been wondering.  And it’s a new idea for me.

Not for a moment do I think this is merely an intellectual exercise, that God intends for me just to ponder logically when I read of 3rd-world suffering.   Why not? Because all through the Bible, God’s people are commanded to take care of and provide for the down-and-out in our reach.

  • Deut 15:11 For there will never cease to be poor in the land; that is why I am commanding you to open wide your hand to your brother and to the poor and needy in your land.

In just the week that this topic has been on my mind, my conclusion is that somehow, in God’s wisdom, those who are His, those whom He is calling from each people group, He has placed in the designed location, time and circumstances best suited for their hearing and responding to the Gospel.  No, He doesn’t condone violence and oppression of the poor. But He does ordain what is at the ‘moment’ an evil for a greater good since He KNOWS has PLANNED and will bring about the eventual outcome. All through the Bible we read that His hand is behind droughts (think Naomi and Ruth), slavery (Joseph to Egypt) leprosy (Naaman), murder plots (Esther and the Jews), imprisonment (Paul and the Philippian jailor).

I choose to hold fast to what I know is true about our God.  I have learned that He is trustworthy.  I don’t have to understand or see His reasons to accept that what breaks my heart will one day be the cause of my praise for the resulting beauty of his Grace revealed.

In the meantime, may He keep my heart soft both to call on Him for justice and relief and to be part of His provision.

Does God care about the little things?

November 20, 2019

Maria 1 Peter 5, Anxiety, Dependence, Father, God's Promises, Grace, Gratitude, Patience, Praise, Prayer, Promises, Struggles, suffering, Trials, Trust, Trusting God, Wisdom , , , 1 Comment

“Oh, He is too busy running the world to care about this little issue of mine!”

Have you ever been politely put off by someone pretending to be humble?

Here’s the Truth – our God LOVES to take care of ALL our issues, cares, problems, burdens.  “Cast ALL of your cares on Him, for He cares for you!”  1 Peter 5:7

I’ll tell you a story about one of those ‘little things’ that my Father took care of yesterday and the bigger take-away.

It’s almost Thanksgiving.  We’re living in a rental house with a small frig. Family arrive next week to share the holiday.  I had been fretting on my inability to do any food prep and baking ahead of time due to the size of our freezer section.  Mike to rescue! He seconded my suggestion about buying a chest freezer NOW (instead of waiting until we move into our new house).  Relief!

Home Depot here in Huntsville had a sale. The freezer fit in the back of the Subaru. Mike set it up and turned it on. Monday, I happily purchased the $40 frozen organic turkey, along with some wild-caught Sockeye on sale, also frozen.  Placed them and some bacon in the new freezer.

But the next morning after working out in the garage, Mike reported that the turkey felt soft when he checked it.  Oh, no!  It had been solid as a rock when I purchased it the day before.  My mind flashed to all the rigamarole it would cause us, especially Mike, to have to load the freezer in the car, take it BACK to Home Depot…..et cetera. And when would he have the time to do that?

By God’s grace, I knew immediately what to do:  I handed the entire mess over to the Lord.

“Father, you tell us to cast ALL our burdens on you.  Handle this, please. You know I just spent a bunch of money and that I need a freezer. And how I had planned to do some baking this afternoon.  Help!”

Finishing my quiet time, I bundled up for my walk and prayed on and off during the 30 minutes. I continued to have a steady confidence that this was one of those tests and that the Lord would come through.  Entering the house, I hung up my jacket and took out my phone.  Following Nehemiah’s example, I formulated another quick prayer as I punched in the number for Home Depot, asking God that the manager would be in the store this early (8 am).

He was!  But first I had to go through customer service.  I really hadn’t wanted to explain the situation to the gal on phone duty, but she asked before connecting me to the manager.  Her empathetic response reassured me, “Oh, how awful! Of course, I’ll put you through right away to Drew.”

Drew grasped my situation immediately.  Asking a few questions, he assured me that he would send a replacement over as soon as possible.  By 9 am, I had a new freezer humming in the garage.  And praise be to the Lord!  Per Google, my turkey which had been kept cool over the past 18 hours but not frozen in the defective appliance, could be safely refrozen, if within 3 days.

With joy, I texted Mike to share the good news of how quickly God had worked. Furthermore, by 3 pm I had placed one baked item in my new and fully functioning freezer.

What about that corollary or bigger take-away from this on-time grace?

It’s this:  like all of you, Mike and I have a BIG need that we have committed to God.  We pray every day, asking for a resolution as well as the strength to endure and trust him in the meantime.  And our Father has seen fit to tarry.  Frankly, some days it’s a real struggle to hold on by faith to his promises as well as to remind ourselves of all his past answers.  We intentionally rehearse his goodness as we read about him in his Word and see hourly and daily evidence of his love.

So, in his very rapid handling of our freezer problem, I see reassurance from a loving and kind Father that he really does care about us. Through this quick supply of grace, it is as though he is reassuring us that he IS indeed at work in our big need. But that in his perfect wisdom, he has planned a wait.  So, we await HIS timing and continue to pray.  But not frantically, not desperately.

Oh, by the way, the next time someone thinks to put me off with a quip about God having more important things to do than handle a problem like a defective freezer, I’ll confidently say:

The one and only true, living and loving God cares about ALL that concerns me, AND you, AND the nations at war, AND the environment, etc. And compared to his GREATNESS, and from his point of view, all these problems are little items!

How the Lord guides us

July 24, 2019

Maria God's Attributes, Guidance, Isaiah 30, Psalm 23, Quiet, Repentance, Rest, Struggles, Walking with God , , , 2 Comments

Isaiah 30:20-21 And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.

Direction, wisdom, guidance from God – don’t we believers all CRAVE certainty from Him!

That’s why these verses in Isaiah linger in my thoughts; I keep coming back to them.  Turning them over this way and that way, pressing them to tell me more. How will we see our Teacher? What form will He take? Why does the voice come from behind?  Why does the pilgrim hear the voice either AS he makes a choice of which way to go or right after?  Is God influencing his opting for one over the other?  Or would either have been God’s will?

I don’t have anything specific at the moment for which I am undecided or at a loss about direction.  But the teaching here FEELS weighty and timeless.

Facts:

  1. Hard times come from God. That’s explicit in verse 20.  Makes sense, since God sovereignly creates, sustains and directs every molecule.  I’ve heard RC Sproul quoted multiple times: ‘There are no maverick molecules!’
  2. As Isaiah records, times occur when we FEEL as God is hiding. We experience darkness and confusion.  But those are periods of time that He purposes. They have a start and an end point.  Often we don’t know the reason for the hard time. I’m learning that likely my Father has LOTS of purposes for the shadow times when I don’t understand. BUT the good news is, there is an appointed end.  Whether we are Jonah, Job or Jesus.
  3. Seeing our Teacher, maybe that refers to seeing something in Scripture that pops out at us, seemingly personalized.  But what shapes me more than that idea is the encouragement to LOOK for my Teacher, rather than focusing on the problem OR the confusion. So how do I look for my Teacher who is Spirit?  With eyes of faith.  This morning I bathed in the balm of Psalm 23:6 – For sure! goodness (towb) and mercy (chesed) are pursuing me today and every day of my days on earth.  That’s how I see God – I think about what He is like, what God has promised in His Word.
  4. Staying with Psalm 23:6, I see a theme that repeats, God behind me….chasing me down, on my heels, just like in Isaiah.  I have to trust that the crossroads are not a problem for God.  Whether I go right or choose the left path, He works with that and brings me to His desired destination.

Finally, does EVERYone of us believers SEE the Teacher or experience the reassurance from Him about the chosen path? I don’t think so.  For just 6 verses prior to 21 is another landmark promise from God:  Isaiah 30:15 For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” But you were unwilling.

O Comforting Holy Spirit of God –  Keep bringing me to repentance. I don’t want to wander away from You, away from Your reassuring voice.  I want YOUR rest and quiet, YOUR strength and salvation. I want to know that You alone make my path straight.  Amen!

 

 

Trying to get back to ‘pleasant’ or ‘normal’?

June 12, 2019

Maria 2 Corinthians 2, Affliction, John 16, Opposition, Pain, Problems, Struggles, suffering , , , , 3 Comments

 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.  John 16:33

For we are to God the sweet aroma of Christ among those who are being saved. 2 Cor 2:15

Where do we get the idea that problems and crises are NOT the norm?  That when they occur, top priority is solving them, getting through them, so we can ‘get back to normal’? What IS normal? And why do we view life without suffering and hardship as the norm?

I grew up believing that ‘a pleasant, mostly problem-free live IS natural, to be expected‘. That ‘fact’ formed part of the bedrock of my heart. Ever since my early teens,  I have been pushing back against all those OBTRUSIVE trials and painful interruptions and sufferings as though they were something to get through, to get solved, to get over with SO THAT life can ‘get back to normal’.

The other morning as I was reflecting and journaling,  John Piper’s advice to adopt a ‘war-time mentality’ popped into my head.  The ”war’ he refers to is the one against the very real and vicious, dark, murderous, evil spiritual forces operating in our fallen world.

The reference to war brought to mind an historical novel I read last month about French resistance workers during WW2.  The main character risked her life, time and time again. Even when she was hurt and wounded, she still carried out dangerous missions.

Up until now,  I have applied Piper’s message to how I view money, how I think about and allocate disposable time, and how I pray.  But yesterday the image of this courageous young woman began to guide my understanding of our present ‘wartime’. As I was praying through some current suffering affecting Mike and me, I began to realize, that being wounded oneself doesn’t mean I can’t serve as God’s covert worker behind ‘enemy lines’.

In fact, I started realizing that suffering is part of the war in this ‘present darkness’ on our post-Edenic planet.  Physical and metaphorical bombs befall us; we step on ‘landmines’ that rain pain and destruction; snipers take aim at our loved ones.  None of this trouble is outside of God’s sovereign reign.  All of these events are part and parcel of the trouble that Jesus announced we would encounter in this world.  Our enemy MEANS them to destroy us, but God MEANS them for our good and the good of others.

But THE question for me, what has stayed with me this week is this:

Maria, YOUR sufferings and those inflicting your family and friends, must they hinder you from giving aid and encouragement to fellow, but wounded image bearers?

Hearkening back to the dangerous work of resistance workers in Nazi-occupied France, I ask myself, can I not offer material and spiritual bread and water to the hurt?  Even as one of the wounded, can I still GIVE in the midst of this war?

Yes!

  • whether I am operating on little sleep,
  • whether I, myself, am crippled by my own sin or suffering,
  • whether my heart sorrows over the many cares of those I love,

Yes, I CAN be a giver of comfort, of encouragement.

Spies in EVERY war have carefully learned how to maneuver around and through enemy forces.  Now is no different. Warfare IS normal life, here on earth.  The good news is that there is a definite endpoint when the war will be past. Final victory has been legally declared by Jesus, the ‘Lamb who was Slain before the Creation of the World’ and He is coming back to claim His own.

In the meantime, as a crushed servant in the Lord’s Good News army, let me be a giver of cheer and comfort and leave a fragrant, lingering aroma of a Christ-filled servant.

 

 

 

The pain of childbirth – a picture of holiness

July 12, 2018

Maria 1 Thessalonians 4, Hebrews 12, Holy Spirit, John 16, John 3, Life, Luke 1, Sanctification, Soul growth, Struggles, suffering , , , , Leave a comment

Consider Mary.  Pregnant with God’s glory.  (see Luke passage at the end)

Like some of you, I have given birth to two children.  As each pregnancy advanced, my growing state became more and more of a hindrance to my ‘normal’ pattern of life prior to conception.

And THEN, that final couple of days of growing and UNBELIEVABLY intense, painful contractions – it was far from pleasant.  But effective.  And new life, when fully formed and ready for THIS world, was born.

Both pregnancies acquainted me with the thickness of a normal cervix and the size of an ordinary womb of which I was only vaguely aware each month.

But pregnancy and delivery taught me new things, through suffering.  Were those experiences worth the experiences?  Without a doubt.

How does this relate to holiness?

Picture the Spirit of God who comes to take up residence inside a new believer.  As C.S. Lewis has written, this new inhabitant starts to do major renovations that a baby Christian hasn’t even asked for, let alone heard about.

Adding to Lewis’ illustration, another picture, other than ‘flipper of homes’, came to my mind this morning.  I’ve been reading John Owen and John Calvin about God’s purpose in curating suffering for our growth in sanctification.

(Recall God’s will for our lives IS sanctification – 1 Thess 4:3 and how important He considers holiness, ‘without which no one will see the Lord’ – Hebr 12:14)

These classic Christian authors prompted me to think of expanding holiness WITHIN me, akin to a baby expanding in the womb.  The more I submit to God’s will with humility, patience, and gratitude, the more the Holy Spirit, aka my doula or birthing coach, grows this new spiritual life within me.  I’m reminded of John the Baptist’s statement about Jesus as recorded in John 3:30 –  He must increase but I must decrease.

This new spiritual life IS Christ in us, the promise of future glory. (Col 1:27)  Just as a pregnant mom undergoes a growing baby stretching out her womb, making room for new life, so, too, the Holy Spirit pushes against some of the old self-centered us, crowding it out to create space for His growing presence.  Pain and suffering are part and parcel of pregnancy and childbirth.  And so are they also in our progress toward holiness.

That Holy Spirit-induced ‘new you’ is expanding and pushing against the boundaries and walls of the ‘old you’.  That thick ‘flesh’ is being thinned out, which HURTS like Hades (as my mom used to say).

That image of being ‘pregnant with God’s glory’* resonated with me this morning.  Our Father is not content to let that presence of holiness engrafted in us through the Holy Spirit remain the same size.  You and I must be glad, therefore, of His expansion plans to complete the work, He has pledged to do.  We must learn to accept suffering as from the Hand of God, lovingly intended for our good:  our holiness and thus our happiness.  After all, ‘A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.’ John 16:21

Luke 1:27b-38 (NIV): 

The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

34 “How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

35 The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called[b] the Son of God. 36 Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. 37 For no word from God will ever fail.”

38 “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

 

*pregnant with God’s glory, like Mary – a phrase I read somewhere but don’t know to whom I can attribute it.

Why do we desire pity from others?

June 20, 2018

Maria Self-Pity, Struggles, suffering , , , Leave a comment

I don’t know where the thirst for others’ pity came from.  Mike and I married at 22 and started experiencing hardship, both in our marriage and with work.  I also struggled with bulimia; Mike’s demons came from insecurity about his intrinsic worth.

Marriage with another sinner revealed a lot to me about how my natural coping mechanisms, developed those first 20 years of life were unhelpful for dealing with the real world, filled with other people who didn’t cater to my personal preferences.  But I didn’t have any other tools.

By God’s grace, we heard the Gospel at age 24 and met some genuine Christ-followers over the next decade.  I grew spiritually in fits and starts as I read my Bible.  Yet, God’s perspective was not IN me.  Every disappointment, trouble, and struggle in our marriage, parenting, work or the battle with my body surprised me.  Although we both had said ‘Yes!’ to Jesus at that first altar call, Mike and I tended to be more consumed by life’s dissatisfactions than intent in growing in the knowledge of God.  Many idols competed for our energy, focus and desires and won out.

Introduced to the Christian circle of women, I soon started sharing these ‘heart-aches’ and felt the sweet rush of another’s pity and understanding.  But like any sugar high, not only did the anticipated response from another NOT satisfy, it left an after-taste in my mouth.  You would have thought I would learn and abandon this craving to find comfort in someone’s sympathy about ‘how bad I had it!’

What happened, is that manipulating to get my pity ‘hit’ became a habit.  It felt MORE real to talk about our/my suffering.  My thinking grew warped so that I didn’t even want to share with someone a morsel or current feast of good news in our lives, because that might erode their view of how ‘pity-deserving’ I was.  This was SICK!   But there was a payoff.  The attention.  And the reverse pride of being so ‘noble’ in my suffering.  I would lament in a way that showed off how much I was praying for this ‘good thing’ and how I didn’t know why God wouldn’t answer it.

Okay, fast forward several decades.  At 60 and 61 Mike and I have seen more suffering in the course of time, as has anyone who has reached this age.  With Biblical perspective, we understand more clearly God’s purposes for preparing individualized suffering modules.  He designs all his training programs for his sons and daughters, in order to grow their holiness and pry their grasping hands off of this world.  One of his goals in trials is to increase our desire for the ‘real’ world to come, the world with him.

Reflecting on the benefit of suffering to my soul, I now desire to change how I talk about it to others.  I attribute this reversal in goals (from wanting a pity-hit to wanting to glorify God) to the care and tutelage of my Friend, the Holy Spirit.

Let me use the metaphor of a sandwich.  My previous sandwich, let’s name it the Pity Sandwich, contained a condensed but probably a bit exaggerated version of a current trial, held together by Pity-Attracting sandwich bread.

It was all about me.  Designed that way.  And like gossip, others actually probably enjoyed sharing a bite from it.  A bit of Schadenfreude appeals to us all.  And for that ‘entertainment’ they were willing to pay the price of sympathy.

Where was God in all that? Nowhere.  It was all about me.

My NEW sandwich I offer to people ONLY when they ask:

Friend:  How are you doing with school, Maria? (there have been pockets of suffering in the past 5 years)

Me: Thanks for asking!  I’m still getting pushback from my administration about XYZ, but I see now how God has his reasons for leading me through this valley of darkness.  These hardships have shown me how much pride I was harboring. I’ve also learned to depend much more on Him.  And that is all good!

The surprise in all this is that THIS kind of sandwich satisfies me far more.  And it honors God. And it proclaims some truth about Him to another person.

As I was praying through my Prayermate feed on my iPhone this morning, I came across these prayerful affirmations that I copied from someone a while back.  It sums up what I want to be about:

  • Since the gospel is the startling, but thrilling, announcement of what God has done for us in Christ, something that we could never do for ourselves, even with his help, then let us meditate on that. 
  • Help us rehearse this gospel, more than our dashed hopes for earthly plans, at a ratio of 100 to 1. And to talk about THAT more than our fears or how poorly we carried out a duty. 

Father, work this response in us so that it becomes automatic, like breathing. For our joy, your glory and for the hope of the world. Because of Christ’s life and death on our behalf. Amen!

 

Don’t waste your disappointment

June 4, 2018

Maria Affliction, Hope, Pain, Struggles, suffering , , , 10 Comments

How disappointed ARE you by life?  Have things turned out better or worse than you had hoped?

The approach you take to ponder those questions depends on your age, by and large.

Or, it depends on how you were brought up.

I grew up in the 60s and 70s.  By the time I graduated from high school in 1975 I had suffered 3 disappointments that I can recall.  All three left their imprint. The first let down occurred when I was NOT selected to join the girls’ drill team at my high school.  A step below the cheerleaders, this group choreographed routines with flags. It was the first (and last) time I tried out for something.  The ‘failure’ humiliated me initially. But what really hurt was being excluded from a group of girls I had wanted to join.  I longed for friendship and fellowship.

The next disappointment took place following one year in a French-speaking high school. Toward the end of those 9 months of 9th grade, I had arrived at the point where I finally felt at ease with the language and was on the cusp of becoming fluent.  However, my dad’s military assignment to Belgium did not satisfy him professionally and at his initiative with Army assignments back in Washington, DC we moved.  I wanted to stay, but as a 15-year-old, I had no voice in the decision.  To this day I still wish I had been given one more year in that environment.

The 3rd and more impactful pain began when I ‘fell into’ the grip of bulimia.  This was a pain FAR greater than I could handle and lasted 9 years until I was 25 and pregnant with Graham. Repercussions still continue to this day.  My journey post bulimia, all directed by God, has led me along different side paths laden with harmful and false thinking, not connected with reality.  (Anyone who has struggled with an addiction like an eating disorder understands.) I have grown spiritually, without a doubt, accompanied by much mental suffering.

As I left home at age 18 for college, I had grown skilled at living a hidden life.  My mom didn’t know anything about the binging and purging or the nightmare it was for me. This was 1975, after all, and the popular press had not yet discovered eating disorders.

Why am I sharing these 3 events?  To provide examples of how my parents did not train me to handle disappointment.  At all.  And THAT has caused more harm than the bulimia.

So how DID they raise me? What did I hear growing up?  My dad, the career military man, preached:

  • Maria, you can do ANY thing you set your mind to….. and
  • It’s merely mind over matter…and
  • Do your best….and
  • You can have a good marriage if you give 100%, none of this 50/50 stuff

My mom’s messages were:

  • Good girls don’t
  • Take time to smell the flowers

I NEVER heard:

  • Life is hard
  • Life is filled with disappointments and failures and setbacks
  • AND here is how you deal with them!

Were my parents Christian?

No, my mom was a church-goer until the middle of my junior year in high school when she became a believer. And my dad had grown up thoroughly tutored in American pragmatism and optimism, raised dirt poor in the land of opportunity. His success was due entirely to his hard work, so he told me.

Didn’t my mom’s conversion to Jesus impact me?  Not on the surface.  I have no doubt that her prayers for me will follow me the rest of my life into eternity.  But as far as verbalized, explicit teaching? Well, we all know how long it takes for God’s Word to sink in to new believers and change their thinking, let alone what comes out of their mouths!

Back to my life as I headed off to college.  Compared to my childhood, I can say that without a doubt my life after high school has been hard, filled with more disappointment and suffering.

Of course, compared to some friends of mine, it’s been ‘relatively easy’.  And when I look at global suffering, it’s been a piece of cake.  I understand that.

What I’m worked up about is NOT my pain, as little or significant as it may be, but how WE don’t teach our kids to handle disappointment and failure.  Neither in secular culture nor more significantly in the church.

I teach in a private school that prides itself in being progressive.  And whereas they do talk the latest educational trends such as ‘failing forward’, they don’t invite speakers in to exhort and equip students to know how to deal with setbacks.  Just think about graduation speakers.  You get the picture.  Our American verbalized, publicized exhortations to the young are one-directional, toward a bright and successful future.  What is the cost?  Current culture and the news provide evidence:  strewn, broken lives and a rapidly-unraveling society.

Among Christians, I don’t hear of many parents in the US or any other western countries who structure home life any differently.  How many parents deliberately allow their children to face trials, exposing them to experiences that might lead to suffering, all along providing a safety net?  We have our children for 18 years, on average.  The time to fail and learn how to deal with suffering and disappointments should be in the home, before kids launch out on their own.  The consequences leap exponentially after that.

By God’s grace, there is ONE small category of families who seem to be teaching their children well.  These are the missionary families, whose children face hardships in places around the world, some of which are dangerous by our standards.  As one mom I know writes (and I’m paraphrasing) ‘my kids know the Bible is real, because we are living that moment-by-moment kind of life, depending on Jesus for our very survival’.  Whew!  Those kids are growing up equipped to face the world as it is.

Now for some encouragement for the rest of us:

On Friday, June first, I started to read the May 2018 edition of Tabletalk Magazine.  Scroll down the website and look for the issue that looks like this:

Tabletalk - May 2018 Ligonier Ministries publishes this collection of daily devotionals and essays, organized monthly around a different theme.  The topic for May is Hope and Disappointment.

A breath of fresh air enlivened my heart when I read the first sentence in the first full article entitled, ‘The Reality of Disappointment’ by Jeremy Pierre.  He writes: “Life is one long, steady disappointment.”  He then continues to explain what he means and how the believer can see the real hope that life with God offers, an eternal hope that will not prove unsatisfactory and sterile.  The very NEXT essay by Dr. David Murray startled me into proclaiming out loud, YES!

He penned, “If our schools really wanted to prepare our children for life, they would offer classes in failure and disappointment.”

Wow!  Now isn’t that counter-cultural and brave, to point out what we all learn the hard way.  What makes accepting suffering SO difficult for many of us Americans is that our country is all about success.

  • What are YOU going to be when you grow up, little child?
  • You can be ANYbody you want to be, even the president of the country.

No…..you can’t!  What a horrible setup for disappointment.

So, what is ‘my call to action’ as blog instructors teach us writers to add at the end of a post?

I don’t know, maybe the thought that each one of us has the power to start a revolution in embracing reality.  Consider this way of framing what we teach our kids before they leave home:

  • Life IS hard, because our first parents blew it. And it’s not going to get better in our lifetime here on earth.
  • God, who created us to enjoy a perfect world WITH HIM, has wired us to long for perfection, for beauty, for happiness IN HIM.
  • There IS another world planned, a perfect world.
  • And He offers a way to enjoy that fully satisfying world with Him forever.
  • All are invited to come and claim a spot in this permanent joy and peace, but there is only ONE path to it, and that is through His Son Jesus Christ.
  • There is nothing to DO or to earn. It is all gift.
  • Anyone who longs for this gift is eligible to receive it.
  • Once you belong to Him, you are guaranteed His continual presence and supernatural help and a bright future.
  • Oh, yes, there WILL be moments of genuine gladness and joy on this earth right now. So, celebrate them as God’s previews of the true and lasting happiness when we see God face to face.

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