The peril of an empty mind

October 24, 2025

Maria demons, Ecclesiastes 6, Fear, Forgiveness, Glorifying God, God's Attributes, God's creation, Matthew 12, Praise, Prayer, Worries , , , , , , Leave a comment

“When an impure spirit comes out of a person it . . . says, ‘I will return to the house I left.’ When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order.  Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there . . .” Matthew 12: 43—45 NIV

Some friends have graciously lent us their beach condo for a few days. The vast unobstructed view of the gulf waters right off the balcony should bring me peace.  But I have not let God’s beauty quiet my soul.  

My anxious thoughts and fears about “the book”, this first venture into writing and self-publishing, have plagued me. I have not been able to shutter my mind at night.  

Yes, I practice “giving everyone and everything” to Jesus as I settle into a relaxed position in bed. I breathe in deeply through my nose and release ever so slowly through my mouth, hoping that my body will relax and cause my mental state to match the slow breathing. 

But none of that worked.  For two nights during the early hours of the morning I conjured up possible issues with the cover design and uploading procedures, keeping myself both afraid and awake!

Yesterday morning, the Holy Spirit brought Jesus’ caution to mind. Simply clearing my mind and handing over issues to God is not enough.  When I mentioned to Mike the Lord’s example of the temporarily demon-free house, he reminded me of Paul’s suggestion of what to meditate on once you hand over your anxious thoughts.  It is not safe to maintain an empty mind.  

Whether it was Aristotle or the French philosophe Rabelais who originated the adage, “Nature abhors a vacuum,” it still holds true.

So, yesterday after lunch, as we walked around Fort Morgan and on the beach, I revived my “alphabet” practice of filling my mind with whatever is true, excellent and praiseworthy about God. 

I began with the letter A. Using English and several other languages, I prayed and praised the Lord for anything that began with A. For example:  “You are ALMIGHTY, ACCESSIBLE, ABLE, and ALWAYS faithful. Consistently You are A mi lado, ALREDADOR de mi, AVANT tout temps.” 

Then I moved onto B. “You are the BREAD of Life, das BROT des Lebens, BESIDE me.  You predestined me BEFORE time.

You get the idea.  If I thought of an attribute or event whose first letter I had already taken up, I simply slipped it into my praises.  During our two-hour walk, I think I got up to the Gs.  What mattered is that I did not allow my worry-free mind, the “house” in Jesus’ teaching, to stay vacant. 

Reviving that protocol definitely kept my anxious thoughts at bay. And I slept well last night. Thank you, Jesus!

This morning, I arose early to spend some time in prayer before we packed up to drive home. I’m reading through Ecclesiastes at the moment. Using the chapters assigned for the day, the Spirit nudged with a picture of how I had acted the previous two days. I am one to whom the Lord has given riches, such as these days on the Gulf, where sky and water kiss and the sun spectacularly splashes the horizon with heavenly hues. 

. . . his soul is not satisfied with life’s good things. . . Ecclesiastes 6:3 ESV

I confessed my sin, received God’s forgiveness and prayed to remember to enjoy each moment.

How to help a friend ‘enchained’

June 20, 2024

Maria Community, Encouragement, Forgiveness, Guilt, Prayer, Uncategorized , , , , 3 Comments

On the day I called, You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul. Psalm 138:3 NASB

When was the last time you were so tied up in a repeating pattern that you couldn’t think straight, let alone pray for yourself?

We all fall prey to Satan’s relentless and ‘moment-by-moment, relentless tactics to distract us, discourage us, divide us from others and disable us from experiencing everything that is rightfully ours as adopted members of God’s family’ (adapted from Priscilla Shirer’s study, The Armor of God).

Right now, I have 5 very close friends who are stuck in their muck, like we all get from time to time. Each needs to be reminded of God’s love for him or her:

  • One is preoccupied with guilt over how she mothered poorly
  • Another can’t stop questioning whether he really is a Christian
  • One is afraid to pray for a particular dream, yet he faithfully lifts up so the desires and needs of many others
  • Then there is a dear woman who can’t stop worrying about two emotionally-needy grandchildren.
  • Finally, one finds herself driven to the point of exhaustion as she goes about helping the endless swarm of hurting people in her path.

When we’re locked up, like my friends, we often feel helpless to think straight or pray our way out. Satan preoccupies us to distraction.  That’s why we so desperately need Christian community to help us see clearly.

How do we as brothers and sisters help?

First, we listen with empathy. We enter into their pain so they know they are not alone. Coming alongside and ‘naming’ what they are experiencing spreads healing balm.

Then we pray for them, out loud, right then and there. And we assure them of our continual prayers. We commit to check on them.

Next, if we sense from the Holy Spirit that they are ready, we encourage them to take one tiny step forward. We might ask them to think of something they could do. If they can’t, we might gently suggest a ‘baby step’.

For example, my friend who believes she’s ruined her adult son’s life. Statistically speaking, I think she’s awash in unnecessary guilt. (What mom EVER thinks she did a good job? To some degree we all damaged our kids. Afterall, we ourselves are broken!)

I could be wrong about my friend. So, if there is some legitimate harm she thinks she did, maybe she could write her grown son a letter. Ask him for his forgiveness. It IS possible that he doesn’t recall what lays so heavy on her heart.

If there is nothing, or nothing else, then, she has to leave ‘it’ with the Lord and move on.

Let’s always remind others of the Father’s love for them, that our God IS willing to forgive all. He IS eager and ready to pardon us.

Finally, we help them to call out to the Lord themselves. We might coach them with something like:

Father, help me this day to remember that:

  • you have forgiven me for what I did wrong or failed to do
  • your word assures me that I am yours by faith
  • you invite me to hand over all my worries as well as my desires and dreams for myself and others
  • you haven’t called me to meet all the needs of people I encounter

Holy God, may we and our friends keep in mind that you never created us to be alone or be enough. You formed us to need and depend on you, to stay connected to you by faith in Christ. And you gave us brothers and sisters to help us.  May we embrace our childlikeness, relax and enjoy you as loving and good Father. Amen

I’m a slow learner in God’s school of Holiness

April 25, 2024

Maria Forgiveness, Genesis 3, Holiness, Philippians 1, Romans 7, Sin , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15 ESV

I don’t know when I started realizing that what I was learning in God’s ‘school of holiness training’ was not sticking. Naively, I assumed that once I ‘learned my lesson’ and practiced the new behavior, I could move on to something else.  At a certain age, maybe in my 40s, I began to see that Jesus was recycling past teaching points over and over. When I would mention this phenomenon to some older-in-the-faith Christians, they would flash a gentle, but knowing smile of agreement.

For example, I’d have victory over fear by God’s grace, only to fall back into imagining the future as though it were up to me and my limited resources.  How embarrassing that I could forget what had I had painfully learned not that long ago about the sin of fear.

Or, I would have been gently chastised by Jesus for boasting and talking too much about Maria, repented and relished one, maybe two victories.  Only to catch myself repeating the same self-centered behavior. 

The Holy Spirit reminded me this week of another sin pattern that I have yet kill. My sometimes-patronizing attitude with Mike.

To the woman he said, “……. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 NIV

It happened like this.  The other night, Mike started to share with me how discouraged he felt about his YouTube channel where he reads children’s classics out loud. He has a good voice for reading, is skilled at narrating, recording and editing audio books. This channel is his gift to anyone who loves to be read to. He does it without seeking compensation.

What was causing him to feel pessimistic and disheartened? The relative few views of some recent videos. 

Instead of listening quietly with love and compassion, I launched into ‘Parent Mode’, practically interrogating him on his motives for starting the channel. And how he should not only not look at his YouTube analytics, but should also go out into the community and find children or senior adults who would love to be read to.

Had he asked for my advice?

What motivated me to be so didactic instead of gentle and patient, intent only on understand his feelings?

It was Eve’s sin, that of wanting to rule over, to shape and mold her husband according to HER image of what he should be like.  I’ve done this numerous times. It is disrespectful and puts distance between us. 

I could tell that I had gone too far but I tried to cover for myself by saying, “I’m so glad we have reached the point in our marriage where we can speak the ‘truth in love’ to one another.  Afterall, I give you permission to speak into my life, too! “

You need to know that Mike NEVER treats me this way. If he thinks I am doing something wrong, he’ll tell me directly.  He won’t manipulate and hide his ulterior motives like I do.

I went on trying to soften my ‘lecture’ by adding, ‘Keep adding more content to your channel. This is a really good and worthy project.  It doesn’t matter if it only benefits a few people. It’s your gift to others, however many or few.”

Poor Mike didn’t know how to deal with the mixed messages I was sending.  

With no real resolution, we transitioned by watching a Netflix series we like while eating our supper. The evening passed without any more discussion on that topic.

That night, I couldn’t sleep.  God gave me severe leg cramps and some arthritic pain. When I sat down with him yesterday morning, he had my full attention.  It was only then that I saw my sin. And felt shame, remorse and pain for how I had hurt Mike.

What made it harder to swallow was that this is not the first time I have ‘scolded’ my husband.  This is neither loving nor honoring to him, nor to God the Father who created him nor to Jesus who died for him.

When Mike got up a while later, I immediately confessed my shameful display and asked him to forgive me.  He was so gentle and comforting to me.  I also asked him to pray for me to be the kind of wife God intends.

With each lesson repeat, I see how gracious and patient the Holy Spirit is with us.  Yes, we fail. Yes, we have to relearn lessons and practice new patterns of thinking and acting. The good news that brings me peace is this assurance, this promise:

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6 NLT

My new heart – 10 days old 

April 5, 2024

Maria Forgiveness, Heart, Matthew 15, Prayer, Proverbs 4, Repentance , , , , , 1 Comment

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.Proverbs 4:23 NLT

It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth. Matthew 15:11 NLT

In my last blog, I wrote about how Jesus revealed the life-long accumulation of poison I had let fester in my heart. Two consecutive outpourings of disproportionate and ugly words aimed at my poor husband caused me to admit that I had a problem about which I knew very little.

God is good and loving when he gently makes us confront reality. Last week was like being deliberately carried to the doctor to receive a diagnosis I had not been expecting and squirmed when forced to face. But I left that ‘office appointment’ with a recipe for health and lots of hope.

What has stayed with me since then is the certainty that through confession to both Jesus and Mike and receiving (and believing) their forgiveness, I have been given a brand-new and clean heart.  The old is gone and the new one has replaced it. That fact has 2 serious implications.

One, since all the accumulated ‘ungrieved losses and unresolved disappointments’ (Chris Cook’s words from his latest book Healing what you can’t Erase), regrets, unmet expectations, resentments, shaming events, and years of boasting were lifted from Maria and removed forever, I need not nor dare not revisit them when I’m tempted to seek self-pity.

Secondly and more importantly is the fact that I have a brand-new, pure and clean heart. I have been VERY conscious of that fact, not wanting to spoil my new heart. But I know that I am still a sinner, albeit a redeemed and forgiven one. And until I am reunited with Jesus I will stumble again and again, needing to acknowledge, lament, repent and receive cleansing pardon.

I have been more careful of my heart in these last ten days. As I’m finishing up Dallas Willard’s book A Life without Lack, I’m adopting some of his recommended practices to assist me.  At night and in the morning, I am trying out a new routine of asking Jesus straight out: What troubles you about me and how I lived this day? Where did I boast or judge others? Where did I forget that you were with me? Where did I wrap myself up in Maria’s interests and neglected what you wanted me to do?

I don’t want to get lazy and drift into old habits. New regimens take energy and time until they are more automatic.

This checking in with Jesus twice a day is how I want to keep my heart clean.

The places during the day where I have allowed some yuk to enter my heart can be confessed and forgiven. Once removed from my heart creates a better probability that what comes OUT of my mouth won’t be ugly.

Even though Jesus taught that it’s not what goes into our mouths that defile us, I know for a fact, that what goes into my mind CAN plant poisonous seeds in that place I’m commanded to guard. In a short time, ugly plants will sprout and hurt someone else.

This ‘agricultural’ work, a daily discipline, is growing into a burden-relieving joy. Maybe I can become a master gardener one of these days!

Cesspool heart or forgiven heart? Maybe, both

March 28, 2024

Maria Confession, Forgiveness, Prayer, Psalm 27, Romans 8, Sin, Zechariah 9 , , , 4 Comments

When evildoers assail me to eat up my flesh, my adversaries and foes, it is they who stumble and fall. Psalm 27:2 ESV

In Spanish, those underlined words read when ‘flesh-eaters’ assail me.  After hurting Mike with my words, attitude and body language the night before, God used that translation to convict me of the severity of my sin. The setting for that memorable event revolved around an argument while en route in the car to a dinner.

Prior to leaving the house, Mike had hurt my feelings with his words and tone. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was wanting to pay him back, to make him feel bad, to make him know that he was WRONG, about the navigation. Did he know what had hurt me, did I bring it up?  No, instead I chose to make a big deal over a missed exit.

Back to that Bible passage and how Jesus got my attention. I was appalled at what the Lord revealed as the sin beneath the sin. I had to confess my anger and my cruelty, using my journal to tell the truth about all the ugly heart yuk that I could now see. The scary part was the pattern I noted. This was not the first time I had cut away at Mike or others.

Little hurts that I think I maturely or piously overlook under the rubric of ‘love covers all’ apparently don’t go away unless really dealt with. I have a tendency to store them up until they boil over.

What happened this week was preceded by a similar event just two weeks prior.  I recognize that this has been and is a season of stripping away, of dying to self, of seeing myself for who I am. God has led me to books, to podcasts, to scripture, to conversations, coordinating all to focus a message of ‘It’s time we up your growth toward holiness, Maria. Beginning NOW!’

Knowing and acknowledging oneself as one truly is hurts.  And despite the fact that Mike and I talked through the car incident and the earlier hurt and reconciled, I will probably wound and belittle him again.  I don’t have confidence in my resolve to be loving or always act kindly. Nor, to change a practice of hiding the fact that sometimes his words or tone hurt my feelings. I’ve tried just to absorb little stings. I recognize now how harmful to me and others that can be.

About this week’s incidence, Mike and the Lord have forgiven me. That I know. Yet, I’m still left with a garbage dump of putrid rotten past issues that I thought I had forgotten, but my heart hasn’t. Moreover, I still have decades of practiced patterns of thinking and relating. Something has to change. And only God can do that.  

My husband is not the only one whom I’ve wanted to hurt, to get back at. No, it’s how I handle anyone who has deprived me of what I want or think I deserve.    

So, what do you do, when confronted with your sin? Do you hide away and try to cover it? Or, like David, do you agree and confess that not only have you terribly hurt or killed someone, but you’ve sinned against God Almighty?  If you do, God is ready to forgive you and cleanse you.

What practically has the Lord revealed that might help me? One new thought practice that I’m trying to adopt is to shift my view about each person whose value I have tarnished. I am practicing remembering how God sees them.  The fact is, they are all 100 % loved and valued by our Father. Someone once wrote something to the effect of: internally call each Christian brother and sister you meet, ‘this person, perfect in Christ’.  For that is what we all will be one day when we see Jesus face to face.

The other thought process that is rescuing me from beating myself up includes Romans 8:28. My version goes like this:  All that I didn’t receive from someone, was ‘deprived of’ has been and is working for my good, as managed by my wise and loving Father.

The fact is whether someone did or did not mean to hurt me, God has ordained that I should not have what I believed I wanted.  He has his reasons. He is the one that gets to define what is good for me. Not ‘good’ but useful for many reasons, to include my growth in holiness, in humility, and dying to sin. As well as encouraging others struggling just like me.

I’m now seeing that up until this week, I’ve been living as a prisoner of unmet desires coupled with unresolved and unconfessed resentments and hurts. That way of living offers no way out, no happy ending. Satan loves to stir THAT pot with his malevolent suggestions.  Listening to him and our flesh, it’s easy to feed on the self-pity that comes from thinking about how circumstances could have been other, had you gotten what you wanted, whether the respect, the attention, the recognition or the freedom of choice.

This morning I met with an older sister in Christ. One whose empathy and compassion have grown out of her own hurts, disappointments and a life of pain. I felt safe confessing to her my uglies and asked for her advice and prayers.  That felt like the right thing to do. She gave me some practical ways to pray and think.

I have a new calling. I am now claiming and declaring that I am a contented prisoner of Hope.  Won’t you join me in this place with its pleasant boundaries? The future is bright and beautiful.

Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double. Zechariah 9:12 (ESV)

Do you do right to be so angry?

August 18, 2023

Maria Forgiveness, Genesis 4, Guilt, Sin , , , , 2 Comments

And God said to Cain, ‘Why are you fuming and feeling jealous? And why aren’t you looking at me in the face? Are you trying to avoid me or something?’ Genesis 4:6 my translation

I went to bed annoyed, ruminating on four situations that were bothering me. I woke up with them still occupying my heart.  I knew I had to verbalize them out loud to God before I sat down with him outside.  So, as I fed the cats, scooped poop and made some coffee, I told Jesus all that I was feeling and asked for his forgiveness. I laid bare all the emotions I felt that in my mind supported my self-righteous conclusions. 

As I unloaded the accumulated garbage, I stopped to dig around what lay beneath my unkind judgments. I realized that each situation had ‘played’ me to respond: “This is not right, I should not have to ______” 

Maybe that is how Cain also felt. Could shame have prompted a sense of being snubbed by God, when the Almighty showed favor to his younger brother, preferring his offering?

Maybe Cain and I are similar in that we haven’t even realized what unexamined beliefs we carry. Unaware, could this elder son have formed opinions about how to interact or operate with this God of his parents? Or like I do occasionally, could he have thought that God was like him in his assessments? 

Fortunately for us to see as encouragement for when we sin, our God doesn’t leave Cain to stew alone in his frustration. He seeks him out and probes. 

At being questioned by God, I can imagine Cain emitting a stony ‘harrumph!’  Maybe Cain is thrown off to find out that God wants to look at him in his face.  Is this the first time God has actually spoken to him? Unaffected by Cain’s cold fury, our Lord continues in the next verse, 

Genesis 4:7:If you do what is right, won’t you be able to lift your head in honor and enjoy my smile? Quickly now, for an enemy who will make you do what is wrong waits to pounce.  He salivates in his desire to devour you.  But you must exercise the upper hand and rule over him. Resist him and call out to me for help. I can cast him into the dungeon where he belongs. (my translation) 

What relief I experienced this morning as I dumped my sewage out for God to handle. I asked his pardon. Quickly granted, he carted away all the yuk. Then I prayed for renewed right thinking. As I then feasted on God’s love via his Word, I felt clean again and right with God.  

Today’s experience confirms my need daily to weed the garden in my heart. Fortunately, I have something to remind me every day. This is a picture of what I call ‘My Eden Garden’.  The African violets and other plants thrive in the spa tub built into our bathroom. The opaque window provides just the right amount of indirect sunlight.

Thank you, Lord, for providing such a beautiful reminder to cultivate only true, beautiful and good thoughts that bring you honor. Thank you that you invite me to be transparent to you and receive healing. What a kind Father you are!

The Gospel according to Ted

July 8, 2023

Maria Common Grace, Encouragement, Forgiveness, Grace, Humility, Matthew 5, Psalm 145 , , , , , , , 1 Comment

The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made. Psalm 145:9 ESV

He makes the sun rise on both good and bad people. And he sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong. Matthew 5:45 CEV

If you would like to see a contemporary picture of the power of humility and forgiveness, then watch the Apple TV series “Ted Lasso.”

No, it’s not a Christian series. And yes, it’s replete with worldly cultural values. But boy will it encourage you, make you smile and shed tears over the many moments of personal growth and reconciliation. 

Ted Lasso is a college football coach who catches the eye of a fictional British Premier League football club owner when he transforms his American players from a group of discouraged individuals into a united team that wins a championship.  The Club’s new owner, a recently divorced woman, just happens to be searching for the worst possible coaches to replace the here-tofore winning leadership. Her goal? To drive AFC Richmond into the ground to spite her former husband.  She selects Ted and his assistant Coach Beard because they are a bit weird and most likely to be off-putting to team and fans alike.  And they know next to nothing about soccer. 

During the show’s three seasons, we see a beautiful picture of how God has created and wired all humans in his image. The scriptwriters develop characters who display what we all long for, the need to share freely who we are without fear or shame, and after a conflict, to be reconciled with another.

Over the course of the show’s three seasons, I saw echoes of biblical accounts as well as literary classics such as Les Misérables:

  • Several situations reminded me of the Samaritan woman at the well who reveled in being truly known: “This man told me all about myself!”
  • Ted Lasso’s own suffering and personal pain don’t deter him from his own principles of offering multiple chances to people.  He appears to be cut from the same cloth as the bishop who extends grace to Jean Valjean in Victor Hugo’s classic. At times Ted reminds me of the father, who represents God, in the Prodigal Son.  Lasso never resorts to: Didn’t I tell you so? Nor, does he want an apology. Rather he affirms his confidence in players and associates encouraging them to learn from their mistakes and do better.

We see scenario after scenario of the power of humility and serving others, illustrating the principle of ‘he who desires to be great, let him humble himself.’

The script writers outdid themselves developing quirky and endearing personalities. We saw the importance of unity, honesty, forgiveness and humor during the three seasons of Ted Lasso. 

This series left me with the impression that people CAN and DO change in an environment of love, respect and safety, and that we should think the best of everyone we meet. 

Pretty remarkable for a current series.  Well done Apple TV!

How do you apply the Gospel to yourself?

March 24, 2022

Maria 1 Peter 2, Forgiveness, Gospel grace, Holy Light, Romans 7, Satan, Truth, Union with Christ , , , , 1 Comment

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. Romans 7:15 NLT

My first thought was, “I did not handle that situation well at all!” As I replayed the event with a close friend, I started to feel worse and worse. At the time, I had no idea that I had hurt her. But now it was too late.  Only in fiction do you find those choose-your-own-ending storybooks. Sadly, this was real life and my heart ached.

I slept little that first night as I ran through the events and what I could have done differently. I awoke still feeling sad and ashamed.

It took me until midafternoon to hear the Holy Spirit’s prompt.

I was driving to my exercise class when the Lord brought to mind: Maria, Jesus already died for this!

Then a small kernel of an idea grew: Maria, you have to apply the gospel to yourself.

How does one do that?  I’ve never even thought that through.  But it rang true.  Coupled with that counsel came the truth of God’s sovereignty.  I spoke this fact out loud so my soul could hear:

Satan meant this for evil, to harm your relationship with your friend, but God meant it for good!

Okay, what is the good that can emerge?  I need to look for that.

At the gym, I had about 25 minutes on a cardio machine. To distract my mind, I let it float among these new thoughts.  Almost staccato like, others arrived. As soon as I got into my car, I grabbed the yellow post-it notes and pen that I keep handy.  This is what I jotted down as I applied the gospel of God’s grace to my heart. His assurances included the following:

  • I have not ‘blown it’ irrevocably.  Our relationship may have taken a step backwards, but there’s still time to mend it and grow healthier as friends.  And if it never does heal, well then, one day ALL relationships will not only be restored, but made new and perfect.
  • The truth is, my friend doesn’t know the half of my dark heart.  I’m worse than she realizes AND far more loved than I can even imagine.  Yes, God’s love for me outweighs my sinful, impure motives.
  • Although it’s true that we’ve had issues before that I thought were behind us, apparently the scab had not totally healed. Her accusatory words, some true and others not, were like a severe bump that started the wound to bleed again.

Other counsel from the Holy Spirit included:

  • In this occasion, my assumptions that led to my hurtful action were not correct. Developing the habit of rechecking what I think to be true and running it by the other person could make a difference in future situations.

But what has healed me the most is the image of light. Our God is he who commanded light from the beginning of creation. Supernatural power and protection stream from God’s light. When men encounter Jesus in his luminous light, they fall down powerless. Recall the transfiguration and Paul’s encounter while traveling.

So, in order to stop replaying that scene with my friend over and over, I have flown to the light.  Jesus abides in a circle of light.  Where Jesus is, there is only truth.  All the whispered lies that feel like truth can’t stand the light of God. They only hide in the darkness of fear and shame.

When I’ve been tempted to beat myself up, I have drawn close to the light of Jesus. Several nights have passed and I’ve been able to sleep.

I’m now on a hunt for bible verses about God’s light, aka God’s truth. I NEED that salvific healing balm.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9

Last week’s birthday present from God

July 27, 2020

Maria Forgiveness, God's Discipline, Humbled, Psalm 94, Sin, Uncategorized , , , 1 Comment

Last Thursday was my birthday and it ranks the best I’ve celebrated in a long while.   One I won’t forget, for sure.

What made it so meaningful? Was it the fact that when I walked into my Orange Theory fitness class, the manager had written a ‘Happy Birthday, Maria!’ message on the tripod chalk board?  What a way to kick off and energize MY day. I felt special, being made much of by the staff

Was it that I got to tutor a 10-year old Russian gal in English and we had a breakthrough in how best to learn English?  No…although that was very satisfying.

Could it be that my husband Mike planned, shopped for, prepared, and plated a delicious steak dinner for me? A first in our 40 years together? We WILL be calling this a new tradition, adding it to our treasure chest of cherished rituals.  I ABSOLUTELY loved this gift, because Mike had announced to me more than 2 weeks prior just what was in the works.  The anticipation of my meal gave me great joy as ‘my day’ approached.

All the above delightful activities marked my celebration.  But the ‘highlight’ was how my heavenly Father humbled and rebuked, via my hairdresser.

Every 8 weeks I sit for 2+ hours in Shannon’s chair.  She ‘refreshes’ my color, washes, conditions and trims my hair.

The salon had rescheduled last week’s original appointment two times. They didn’t check with me first to verify that the new times would work with my calendar.  They just shifted them, notifying me by text.  The new time of 10 am left me with little margin to eat lunch and tutor the Russian gal.  This TIME boundary directed my thoughts and words.  Once the receptionist verified my normal temperature, my first words to Shannon attacked:

” I have to be out of here by 11:45 at the latest because I have another appointment…AND…. (intended to punctuate my seriousness) YOU ALL moved my time twice, putting me in this position!”

Shannon shot back, “Well, THAT’s aggressive!”

Bulls eye!  Her rebuke penetrated my heart. The LORD got me! The Holy Spirit convicted me in meteor-like speed.

Shame filled me!  She was right.  I hadn’t even greeted her with a friendly, “Hi, Shannon. How are you doing?”

Had I treated Mike that way….. launching into a blame-wrapped demand for something from him…….well, I like to think I wouldn’t have.

Yet, here I was entering Shannon’s salon and treating her like a machine, not another human being.

Profuse apologies poured from my mouth as I told her that I was SO sorry and that she was SO right to call me on that.  I knew this was from the Lord.  What kind of ambassador for Christ am I with that kind of interacting?

So, what I did next, was to ask her: “Shannon, can we rewind the scene and start over?”

Desire granted.  I backed up 5-6 feet and walked up to her with a smile: “Hi, Shannon, how are you? Thanks for fitting me in, today.  I know scheduling with Covid restraints is a challenge.”  She played the part with warmth and proceeded to seat me in her chair.

What a gift from my heavenly Father, to see how my self-preoccupation led me to sin. Human beings are all image bearers of Almighty God, worthy of respect and kindness.

I will not forget THAT reminder.  On my birthday, too.  Conviction and the ability to ask pardon and receive forgiveness from the offended, hurt person is a gift.

Oh, Father, take not thy Holy Spirit from me! Thank you that You forgive me when I sin. Because of Jesus. Keep me meditating on your kindness, rather than my schedule.

Psalm 94:12 Blessed is the man You discipline, O LORD, and teach from Your law,

 

 

 

Can we be content ALL the time?

July 12, 2020

Maria Anxiety, Contentment, Faith, Forgiveness, Matthew 5, Matthew 6, Reasoning, Repentance, Thinking , , , 2 Comments

Have you ever looked at and analyzed those ‘Blessed are the….’ in Matthew 5?  You know, that famous hillside occasion when Jesus preached to many?

They seem to promise complete, 100 % satisfaction ONE DAY.  In the future.  Not now.  For instance, Jesus mentions:

  • A future Kingdom
  • Seeing God
  • Acknowledgement as sons of God
  • Mercy
  • Possession of the entire earth
  • Comfort

He teaches that the desperately needy, hurting, sad CAN BE those who GET what they crave.  He calls them ‘blessed’ because, the relief of the need is guaranteed. One day.

Some of the verbs Jesus uses in that discourse mention longings:

  • mourning
  • desiring an inheritance
  • craving mercy
  • wanting persecution to stop
  • needing one’s name to be cleared
  • hoping for peace amidst all current rancor and bitterness

I’ve been thinking about contentment a lot these days.  Lots of ‘my wants’ continue to be BLOCKED.  These desires tend to be short-term longings.  I’d like to see family and friends. I’d like to travel.  I’d REALLY like this time of anxiety-riddle uncertainty to end.

What do I tend to do with my anxious thoughts?  Journal about them, read my Bible and see how God corrects my thinking.  Here’s what happened Friday morning that prompted me to slow down and think:

  • God has given me confidence (faith) that he is who the Bible says he is.
  • Therefore, I start from the presupposition that the Bible is God’s true word to me.  His promises and his characteristics are FACTS.  They won’t go away. They won’t change because of WHO God is PLUS his nature and his commitment to honor his word.  He IS his word.
  • I can’t read the Bible knowing that God is God and NOT do what he tells me.

So, what I wrote in my journal on Friday was that reasoning with faith produces actions, which in turn produce FEELINGS! (I had gotten this from John Piper several years ago)

Then it dawned on me!  I wrote: “The only real and worthwhile category of contentment is BEING CONTENT IN YOU, because OF YOU!”

I sat back, wondering at the simplicity of all this.  If I want permanent contentment, then I need to be glad about EVERY thing God has done for me and ALL that he promises to continue to do unceasingly.

Three gifts immediately flew into my mind:

  • You opened my eyes to KNOW what kind of person I am and who YOU are: Holy God = knowledge and faith
  • Through Jesus’ life and death on my behalf, I now have a permanent relationship of favor WITH you = repentance and forgiveness
  • Your holy, supernatural, perfect spirit is IN me, permanently = matchLESS companion and counselor

Then this morning while thinking about what Jesus promises us, his sisters and brothers, brought this clarity:

  • God created us with real desires and longings
  • They WILL be perfectly fulfilled…… one day!
  • Nothing here on what I call Earth1.0 can ever meet ALL of them or any of them in a satisfying way that leads to contentment

When I brought my thinking to a close (it was time to get ready for church) I summarized in my journal:

“The only way to have genuine contentment right now in this broken, fallen world is to be content with who God is and what awaits me from his hand.  Those without Jesus as their savior and friend have no hope of real or permanent contentment.”

Okay….so with whom can I share these thoughts? Thankfully you! – who spend a few moments scanning or reading these posts.  So my question to you is this: How do you see and seek contentment? Do you keep struggling to BE content or SEEK contentment? Has what makes you content changed over time?

Matt 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

 

 

 

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