I can let go of unfilled desires

May 26, 2025

Maria Desire, God's gifts, Luke 6, Patience , , , 1 Comment

Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.  Luke 6:21 NIV

There are some ‘hungers’ or desires that I have that might never be fulfilled or satisfied. I feel wistful at times. As I age, fewer days await me before either Jesus returns or I go to join Him. 

This morning, when I paused over Luke’s account and considered Jesus’ words, His promise encouraged my heart and brought some relief to my heart. I don’t have to feel sad that I probably won’t get to visit the many overseas places that ‘call to me’.  There are also many friends whom I long to be with. We’ve moved a fair number of times throughout our marriage. Getting to make new friends has brought joy, but saying goodbye to old friends leaves an ache.  Realistically I know there is only so much time in this life. 

Finally, I always wanted to live near our grandchildren, so we could be involved in their lives and get to enjoy them more.  And over the years of our marriage, I have prayed for Mike’s dreams and desires to realize, but a fair number have not. Yes, I bow to God’s good sovereign plans, but those unfulfilled desires still hurt.

But God has the final word.  He has announced that one day I will be satisfied. Not just partially, but completely. The Greek indicates meanings such as ‘stuffed, filled, sated.’ I picture that wonderful feeling when every morsel of my favorite meal has left me wanting not another bite. That’s the kind of satisfaction our God promises.

So for now in my late 60s, I can practice patience without anxiety, letting go of earthly disappointments, knowing for sure as they say, “The best is yet to come.”

Copying Paul’s way of praying

March 21, 2024

Maria Desire, Ephesians 1, God's will, Prayer, Psalm 37 , , , , , 1 Comment

I love to read books on prayer, ranging from how to create the desire to pray to how to pray according to God’s will.  Paul Miller’s latest book, A Praying Church, challenges me to grow up and reorient the ways I’ve been praying.

This morning, one of my favorite verses popped up:

Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 NKJV

That word ‘also’ caught my attention. Some translations don’t have it, but no matter, God used it to prompt me to look for the context of verse 4. And it makes sense when reading what precedes and follows. Verses 3 and 5 are part of one exhortation. Think of ‘the delighting/desiring’ verse as the meat and the other two sets of teachings as the bread. 

Looking at the verbs, the top layer directs us to: TRUST in the Lord (believe what he says)….DO good….DWELL where God has us (stay put, in other words).  The bottom piece urges us to: ENTRUST our way to God (or hand over our life). That’s it. The verse terminates not with one more action for us to do, but an assertion that the Lord will take care of whatever we yield or surrender to him.

More than assert, this promise infuses confidence in us.  Just think, the very God of creation will act on all we purposefully place in his hands. From my perspective, these are all the things I can’t make happen. The people I want to fix, the circumstances I long to change, the suffering of friends and family and the world.  

Now that we see the structure, here’s the meat, the part all of us like to cite and hope is true (for it sounds almost TOO good to be real). 

Delight yourself in the Lord (the Hebrew says in essence,spend time being with God and enjoy his company more than anyone else’s) and he will give you the desires of your heart (again the Hebrew reads, he will answer your prayers).

The day before I pondered these three verses, I had read the first line of Charles de Foucault’s most famous prayer.  It stopped me cold in its simplicity and boldness.

Do with me what you will.

Six simple words. Total surrender. What kind of man or woman do you think would have the courage to say that to Jesus? Only someone who has spent so much time with our Savior that the Lord has become his favorite person.

I want God to grow an attitude in me like that of Charles de Foucault. Paul Miller’s book and the Apostle Paul’s writings are guiding me in that direction. I’m gradually learning to pray not just for the current circumstances of life and people to change, but for faith legs to support each person involved. I pray for our roots to grow down deep, drinking in God’s love for us. The former Pharisee Paul prayed this way, as recorded in Ephesians 1: 17-21 (NIV)

 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.  I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strengthhe exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.

A lot of my prayers are still in elementary school mode. Dear God, please make this work out the way I want, for I am trusting you.

It’s time for me to move up to middle school and grow some more.

Does God ordain our desires?

August 11, 2023

Maria Delight, Desire, God's Sovereignty, Psalm 104, Psalm 37, Satisfaction , , , 4 Comments

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 ESV

This principle in Psalm 37 keeps beckoning me deeper.  I’m fascinated by more possibilities of what God could be offering us.   

I think a lot of Christians are squishy or squeamish when it comes to this promise.  Perhaps they fear treating God as a genie in the bottle. Maybe they think, “If I take this seriously, I might ask the Lord for something he doesn’t want me to have.  Then I’d be disappointed. So, out of fear, they conclude: God must not really be saying what the words seem to indicate.”

But let’s consider starting from the premise that God is a good god and a happy god who loves to give his kids things to make them truly happy. We need not worry about going ‘overboard’ in asking for something inappropriate, for God has placed a condition that precedes the promise. To delight ourselves in him clearly teaches us to find our greatest happiness in the person of the Lord himself, not what he gives.

Once that condition has been met, then we can turn to two possible ways to take God’s invitation regarding desires that remain unfulfilled.

The first approach goes like this: when we find ourselves being exuberantly happy in him, he wants us to share honestly what our heart also desires because he plans to satisfy those longings. The other option is that God himself has all along sovereignly planted those deep yearnings in us, purposing to satisfy them.

And if he gives us desires, for his good purposes, then they reflect his character. They won’t be bolstering or feeding any false identities. They will be part of his long-term Kingdom plans for us and others.

But you might say, “How do I know if I sourced those desires and can trust them to be the ‘good’ kind that God would approve of, or if they truly are in me because He wired me with them?” An easy test of appropriate desires would be to filter them this way:  Do they feed my ego or not?  If God grants them to me, will I be boasting as though they evidence my greatness or will they make me want to tell everyone about the goodness and kindness of my loving Father?

The other morning the Holy Spirit brought this question to mind: “What if what I long for most in my life here on earth 1.0 actually fits his divine plan of Kingdom expansion?”

Maybe you know how much I love languages. Daily I work toward fluency in several more.  I dream of living in an environment (here in the US or elsewhere) where I can use one of these languages, other than English, throughout each day. In my book, engaging in another language is the ‘funnest’ thing I do.

This is how I have settled the issue of Psalm 37:4. I have concluded that he is the creator of my desires. If then God himself gives me desires that he sovereignly plans to satisfy, then I bet he has plans to bless others as a result of what I LOVE doing.

You open Your hand, they (all your created beings) are satisfied with good. Psalm 104:28 NASB

Could the Lord already have mapped out the fulfillment of my longing to be part of his will being done on earth? 

What do you want most in life?

August 4, 2023

Maria 1 Kings 3, Desire, God's will, John 15, Matthew 6, Matthew 7, Psalm 2, Psalm 37, The Lord's Prayer, Words , , 2 Comments

… the LORD appeared to Solomon …. in a dream, and God said, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you………I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart…” 1 Kings 3:5, 12 NIV

Do you have your 15-30 second elevator speech ready?

Aspiring, focused visionaries, whether actors or entrepreneurs, know what they want and prepare themselves to ask without hesitation should the ‘right person’ come along. When they step into an elevator and recognize someone who might facilitate a connection or provide a contact they are ready to make the ask and give their why without shame or stumbling around.

King Solomon similarly prepared himself.  He knew what he lacked, which skill or quality without which he could not rule the people entrusted to him.

This is easy to imagine. For as the newly enthroned king, can’t you just picture the depth and weight of his overwhelm, following in the footsteps of his dad, King David?

We know that God loved Solomon, for he chose THIS son, NOT David’s oldest, to govern his own people.  The Almighty illustrates his tender care by coming to the new ruler in the middle of a night’s anxious tossing and turning.  When the Father asks Solomon what he wants or needs, the young king is ready with his ask. You know that if he is dreaming this encounter, his desire has penetrated the deeps of his heart.  This is no casual afterthought. 

From this conversational dream, I note the power of our words, our pleas for help, underscored by God’s response to Solomon, who requested understanding to govern.  God’s quick response literally is, ‘I do or I bring about or I make happen according to your WORDS.’  What we speak, reflects our core beliefs and our words matter more than we imagine.

What David’s son requested; God granted. Solomon’s ‘spoken’ words in his dream sprang from his heart’s desires.

God teaches us to learn, know, desire, guard and declare what his Word proclaims. As my friend, Mayra, says: ‘our words augment or build up our faith’.  Of course, any unbelieving word we speak, an articulated belief which don’t fit reality (aka: God’s truth), quite naturally diminishes and damage our confidence in God.

Cycling back to my initial question, just what is it that you desire?  God both evaluates and encourages our desires.

Psalm 37:4 Find your delight in the LORD who will give you your heart’s desire. (NAB)

Are you and I ready to tell God what we want?  I am!  Pain has convinced me of that.  I have asked God to heal my body and I am proclaiming to myself and to others that he already has. It is what I most desire right now.

Maybe some of you feel uneasy with this lavish but serious fact about God.  Your counter argument might go, “We can’t just ask God for a Maserati because that is what we desire!” Well, why not?

I believe our Father trusts all of his children who delight in, who LOVE more than anything just to be with him, to listen to him, to hang out with him.  Isn’t that what the text says?  Those who LOVE his presence and company above all else in the world are invited, are encouraged to take him up on his offer.

Jesus taught likewise.  John records the Savior’s promise to the disciples in John 15:7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. (NAB)

‘Remain in Jesus. Delight in God more than in anything or anyone.’ I don’t see any contradiction between loving God with my whole heart so that I want to be near him throughout the day and night AND still desiring other, lesser things.

Taking God simply at this word, I’ve asked and I’m daily asking Jesus for healing. And that’s just the top of my list of desires.

But what if my desires are not in God’s will? I would counsel, get some practice praying for what God’s word DOES tell us we are to ask. ‘Pray like this:  …..Holy be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done. Matthew 6:9  Ask of me and I will give….Psalm 2:8. ‘Ask, and you shall receive.  Matthew 7:7.’   

Dallas Willard addresses our fear of being TOO out there with our longings by sharing an illustration of why God trusts us, giving us liberty to ask what we want.

“When our children were small, they were often completely in my will as they played in the back garden, though I had not told them to do the particular things they were doing. They would still have been within my will even if they were playing in their rooms or having a snack in the kitchen.” (page 27, Hearing God through the Year)

Where were his kids at this time? They were abiding in their father’s house, with him. He was within an ear’s range.  They could do what they wanted; all the while attentive to Dad’s call. But I bet my last bite of avocado that if their father had called to them to come share a board game or to play hide-and-seek or fight imaginary dragons they would have come running.  Time with Dad was what they most delighted in.

So, I ask you, what do you want?  Give me an idea of at least ONE thing.

How the Lord changed my mind

March 30, 2020

Maria Decision-making, Desire, Exodus 17, Guidance, Numbers 20, Obedience, Purpose, Stewardship, Talents, Thinking, Trusting God , , , 1 Comment

God still surprises me and I’ve VERY glad.  I am learning that He doesn’t tend to act in the same manner in similar sets of circumstances.  I should know that just through the two accounts of God’s instructions to Moses about how He, God, was going to provide water from the Rock to thirsty, wandering Israel in the wilderness:

In the first instance, Moses was to STRIKE the rock.

Ex 17:5-6 Then the Lord told Moses, “Go over in front of the people and take some of the elders of Israel with you. Take in your hand the staff with which you struck the Nile, and go.  I’ll be standing there in front of you on the rock at Horeb. You are to strike the rock and water will come out of it, so the people can drink.” Moses did this in front of the elders of Israel.

But again, when the people had no water, God told Moses to TALK to the rock. Moses disobeyed.

Numbers 20:8 “Take the staff, and assemble the congregation, you and Aaron your brother, and tell the rock before their eyes to yield its water. So you shall bring water out of the rock for them and give drink to the congregation and their cattle.”

The God who spoke our varied and intricate universe into existence IS creative and intent on teaching us obedience.

Now to my situation:

For almost two years I had been creating video content for my YouTube channel (videos and transcripts here)  to help English language learners acquire English through simple stories in slow English.  But as 2019 turned into 2020 I had been questioning whether I should continue.  The response and number of subscribers to the channel didn’t seem worth the time I was spending.  After much prayer and discussion with Mike, I decided to let my waning desire be my guide to a decision.  I stopped creating videos in early February 2020.  Relieved of that ‘task’ each week, I happily shifted more time to what was providing satisfaction:  acquiring Spanish!

This self-imposed lay-off coincided with the 5 weeks of work it took to move from a rental house here in Huntsville into a new house and get our household up and running.

To my surprise, God intervened about two weeks ago to direct my thoughts back to ‘English without Fear’.  Through Scripture, books on God and various prayers I read as well as devotions from my favorite teaching & praying pastors (John Piper, Scotty Smith, & Charles Spurgeon) God seemed to be saying that I had a duty to STEWARD my talents, gifts and experiences for the benefit of others.

I immediately thought about His gifts to me – the personal joy in learning and using French, German and Spanish as well as the ability to teach a second language.

“Huh,” I mused and pondered. “The Lord doesn’t seem to be working through my desires right now. He seems to be appealing to the responsibility I have to put to use for others more of my skills and experience.”  Since calling a halt to ‘English without Fear’ I’ve been using my growing, intermediate Spanish skills in my newish volunteer position as an intake counselor at our local pregnancy resource center.  Was God urging me NOW to add back into my week teaching English as a second language via my videos?

I pondered, reasoned, waited and prayed.  The message came again – “Maria, as a believer, you are called NOT to be idle nor hide your gifts, your light, under a bushel basket”

Maybe DESIRE alone should NOT be what determines how I spend my time. With that conclusion, I started back up creating content for ‘English without Fear’.

My resolve, for now, is to be faithful with what the Lord has given me. It matters not if few still watch.  If one or two are helped, then isn’t that enough? And if NO one watches right now, isn’t the bigger principle my obedience to Holy Spirit nudges?

Therefore, for the time being and with His grace, I will keep my hand to the plow, confident that He will signal me when and if it is time for a course change.

 

How God changes people

January 20, 2018

Maria Addictions, Anxiety, Colossians, Desire, Food, Habits, Husbands, Idols, Psalm 37, Romans 5, Sovereignty of God, Struggles, Trusting God , , , , , , Leave a comment

For 9 years I struggled with bulimia; 6 years before I married Mike, followed by 3 more years.  A favorite activity of ours as young lieutenants stationed in Germany was to explore the German countryside by means of a nearby ‘Volksmarch’.  These organized 3-4 hour walks through villages and wooded beauty gave us time to talk.  I would ask Mike each week while we traipsed, “What am I going to do?  How can I manage or handle this scourge of bulimia!!?”   Poor guy!  My supportive and loving husband probably felt frustrated as he offered his comfort and solutions time and time again.

In my mind, it was all up to me to find a solution AND the motivation to implement it.  The problem was, I couldn’t trust myself to follow through, no matter how sincere my intentions were.

We were new Christians and I prayed my heart out, week in and week out.  But God didn’t give me a way to free myself from this addiction to food.  Instead, he removed the burden himself, in a creative way.  I got pregnant.

With that dramatic change in circumstances, I had a new, compelling interest and desire.   Caring for this baby growing inside of me replaced the desire to binge and purge.  Up until now, I hadn’t felt enough self-love to take care of my body. But now, for the sake of this new life growing inside of me, I WANTED to nurture myself with good foods and healthy practices.

The 7 1/2 conscious months of carrying another human being turned out to be what I needed to break the binge and purge cycle.  God be praised!

God CAN and DOES change people and we know that.  If you are a Christian, there was a time when you weren’t. Maybe you can’t remember that period if you have loved Jesus from an early age.  But many of us do recall feeling either indifferent or luke-warm about God.  And then something happened.  All of a sudden we were interested in reading our Bibles.  The things of God drew us in.  We might have attributed that newfound growing fascination as something we did. But we would be incorrect. Dead men don’t make decisions!

Paul writes to the believers in Colosse: When you were dead in your trespasses and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. (Col 2:13)

That means that any interest, any LOVE for Jesus comes from outside of us.  As Paul so bluntly argues in his letter to the Romans – ……God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Rom 5:5b)

Mike, too, has experienced this ‘from the outside to the inside change of heart’ regarding cars.  After those couple of years stationed in Germany, the land of VERY fast and powerful automobiles, Mike returned stateside with a growing, almost insatiable love for cars.  About 15 years ago Mike started noticing the decreasing pull of all things automotive.  During the span of 37+ years of marriage, we have bought, owned and sold 28 cars, not counting motorcycles.

But God!  Yes, God removed the interest, the mania, the seemingly insatiable desire for new wheels.  Mike didn’t set out to change.  In fact, he didn’t think he needed to change.  God has been working on Mike’s heart and shifting his values.

When we married at 22 (we’re now 60), we were not even believers.  Over the years, what has emerged as our favorite time of the day is something we would never have imagined in the first 25 years together.  The dinner-prep time, those 90 minutes when we’re in the kitchen fixing dinner and tomorrow’s breakfasts and lunches, we talk and listen to music.  Before we sit down to dine, we each get out our notebooks where we’ve observed and written down what we noticed in the day’s Scripture reading.  Inevitably Mike will have picked up something that passed me by and vice versa.  This in-depth exchange deepens our love and appreciation for God’s holiness and his Word. In our twenties and thirties, talking about God held no place in our daily exchanges.  God has planted and cultivated this now-cherished habit.

Last year I witnessed two other new desires that ‘came up out of nowhere’. (I’ve written previously about ‘dining with my school colleagues’ and ‘wanting to continue teaching and working on my craft of helping students with Second Language Acquisition’). What I love about God is how he surprises and delights me.   Maybe that’s what my family should etch on my tombstone, “Surprised by God!”

Recently, God did it again.  The change caught me unaware.  But this time, I connected it to a pattern.  (Why had no one comforted me with the FACT that change IS possible in God’s kingdom and that it is not all up to us!?)

Here’s what happened.  As I described above God rescued me from bulimia in my mid-twenties. Although the binge-purge pattern no longer ran my life, my obsession with eating and how I looked and felt about my body still plagued me.  The scales have been a powerful idol for decades.  Gradually God has weaned me mostly away from them.  But I still don’t trust myself to stick to any resolutions.

But God!  Yes, he has changed my desire.  Visiting with Shay and Graham over Christmas prompted an unexpected change.  They have been following a plant-based way of eating for 2 years.  Whereas I have always enjoyed the occasional vegetarian meal I considered it extreme to avoid all meat and dairy.  I like meat and dairy.  But watching the documentary Forks over Knives changed me.  I happened to ask Shay a question about the smoothie she was preparing.  It was Christmas Eve and we had a block of time before heading to church.  She asked me if I wanted to see for myself what caused them to switch.  I did and I was convinced.  Plant-based eating IS healthier and CAN minimize one’s risk for disease.  For me, it was a ‘no-brainer’.

And with that, I switched.  Mike, a very good-hearted, generous and supportive husband, agreed to drop his morning yogurt and share a smoothie with me. My lunches, breakfasts, and snacks are plant-based. And I agreed to prepare an ‘every-other-night’ entré of meat.    After all, Graham and Shay have adopted a ‘reasonable’ 80 %-of-the-time- vegan lifestyle.  This allows for eating what is served them by friends, or the occasional desire to sample something not plant-based.

A few weeks into this way of life, I recognized that I no longer care what the scale says.  What I value is eating healthy.  Surprise!  When we drove down to Tampa for Christmas, this new world of plant-based cooking was not on the radar.

So here is the principle.  Don’t angst about a change you can’t seem to make for the better.  Give it to God to bring about:

  • in his perfect way
  • in his perfect timing
  • to his glory and your blessing

Psalm 37:4  Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

PS:  I think the desires the Psalmist had in mind are not what WE think we want, but rather what God wants for us as his beloved children!