Rescue me from my dark thoughts!

May 26, 2022

Maria God's goodness, God's love, God's presence, God's Promises, God's Purpose, God's voice, God's Word, Psalm 143, Union with Christ , , , , , 1 Comment

These days I seem to be hungry and desperate for only what the psalms can feed me. I’ve been waking up with a heaviness.  At the moment, nothing comes to mind. But when I start to read the appointed psalm, I realize how dry and desperate I feel.  God’s words soothe me. I linger over certain verses, taking the time to look up how the Hebrew is worded, and what the words actually mean.

On Tuesday, the Holy Spirit used Psalm 143 to calm my anxious heart.  I wrote in my journal, personalizing the psalmist’s own words as a plea to God.

Verse 7: Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails!
Father – I feel depressed. I need you. I don’t know what’s wrong. Help me!


Verse 8a: Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

I DO trust you. So, please, DO show me what to do, what to think, the way out of my oppressive thoughts.  I can’t think of anyone else I can go to without fear of judgment.  I even cancelled my appointment with a counselor I’ve used. Human help, even from good friends, can’t give me what I need, what I crave.

Verse 8b: Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord!
    I have fled to you for refuge.

Oh – I forgot, I DO have enemies.  Satan is the oppressor of my soul. Thank you for reminding me that you alone are a safe place, someone who always welcomes me because you love me. May I show your worth by coming first to you.


Verse 10a – Teach me to do your will, for you are my God!

Here’s where my Spanish translation helped me.  One word for teach in Spanish can mean both teach and show.  Isn’t an effective teacher one who doesn’t just talk, but works alongside a student demonstrating how to do something?  The same with God’s training.  We all need a master to whom we are apprenticed.

Father – I see that since you are my God, you also have your plans for my life.  Since I belong to you, you expect me to follow YOUR way towards YOUR goals.  Thank you for that reminder, since I’m prone to go my own way, intent on achieving my own goals, independent of you.   But I can’t go YOUR way or even remember to follow you, unless you help me, breaking into my little ‘Me World’.


Verse 10b: Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!

Again, I checked out the term for ‘good’.  Hebrew’s broad definition includes: ‘kind, happy, cheerful’.  Well, THAT brightened my mood to read that when I ask for God’s help in learning (and desiring) to do his will, his spirit permanently implanted in me will instruct me.  My lessons will be happy lessons for this teacher is kind and cheerful.  He obviously likes his job!

Verse 11: For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life!
    In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!

Father – thank you for this word ‘trouble’.  It covers all sorts of distresses, fears and problems. You have made yourself to be my go-to-rescue source for any and all things that bother me!


 Verse 12: And in your steadfast love you will cut off my enemies, and you will destroy all the adversaries of my soul,
    for I am your servant.

What a relief to know that yes, while I have real enemies who are hostile and evil (think Satan and all his dark side servants), I need not fear for you WILL eliminate them. That is a promise.  And why? Simply because I belong to you. I am your servant as well as your child and Jesus’ little sister.  Belonging to your family brings untold of blessings.

Thank you, Father!

And so, you can see, dear fellow pilgrim, how precious God’s psalms are to me.  Each a chest of treasures.  Which psalm has God used recently to encourage you?

Can one bite of God’s word sustain you for the day?

May 19, 2022

Maria Prayer, Psalm 4, Psalm 6, Spiritual Practice , , , 1 Comment

Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer. Psalm 4:1 NIV The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer. Psalm 6:9 NIV

The message is not new.  We Christians are regularly exhorted to spend time with the Lord each day. Having one’s quiet time is held in high esteem.  For some people, this is easy to do.  If you have the time and you enjoy reading, it’s not a difficult practice to implement and maintain.  I have always loved my early morning time.  And these days, since all my work is as a volunteer, I enjoy the slower time with my Bible, coffee, notebook and prayer app.

But the pressure to keep up this healthy and holy practice sometimes has unintended consequences.  What first comes to mind is the temptation to turn this daily ritual into a checklist item.  Something you have to do in order to be considered a spiritual Christian.  ‘Whew, check THAT off my list!’ doesn’t foster a rich, meditative listening experience. 

I think there is potentially an even more insidious outcome that may ensue. Haven’t we all felt guilty when we can’t seem to keep this rhythm going? Who is not overwhelmed with the daily tasks and demands placed on 21st century busy people? That time with Jesus can easily get crowded out by good things.  Guilt and shame can follow.  “I must not be a good Christian because I either can’t dedicate the daily time I ‘should’ or when I do sit down with my Bible and coffee, I feel dry.  It FEELS rote.”

This morning I read a small devotional that mentioned the two verses above.  All of a sudden, I thought: ‘Maria, just that first verse is enough to chew on all day long. For someone super busy, if she took just one verse and brought it back to mind throughout the day, what a feast she could have!’

So, just how does one mediate on a verse? Let’s break down the first one from Psalm 4:1 into small bites: Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer

David is so direct with God. He doesn’t mince words.  He tells God, ‘Listen up!  I’m talking to you. I have a need.’

Next, he expresses confidence in the Lord.  He reminds God in essence, ‘I know you to be righteous.  I don’t doubt that you WILL hear me and help me.’

Next, we can discern that David has a specific problem in mind.  He feels distress.  He has an enemy or he is in a tight place with no visible way out. We all fall into distress.  Not just occasionally, but multiple times.

A woman I know from tutoring her young daughter in English lives in Moscow.  God has kept us connected since I taught Veronika.  When her son dropped out of university at the end of last summer, he had to enlist in the Army for 12 months.  Two weeks ago, he was sent to the front.  I never bring up politics or the news when I check in with her.  I usually find a verse and google its Russian translation and send it to her.  She is a mom who is in distress.  She fears greatly for the safety of her son. 

I thought of her this morning when I read Psalm 4:1. My overall prayer for her is that the Lord bring her, her son and young daughter to a vibrant relationship with Jesus through this distress.

Finally, once David shares his specific need, he asks for mercy.  He doesn’t tell God how to rescue him.  He simply appeals to God’s character. He knows how merciful the Lord is. And he trusts him.

What struck me this morning is that for those of us who have those seasons or days or weeks of too much to do, there need not be any guilt.  Simply take ONE verse, ONE promise or fact about God from the Bible.  Maybe write it out on a 3×5 card.  And direct your mind back to it multiple times a day.  Think it through and apply it to your life right now. 

That’s worth far more than reading three chapters and not remembering anything that you can take with you during the day. The point is to direct our thoughts toward God, toward all we have been given as members of God’s family.

So, eat to savor.  Don’t just swallow your spiritual food without tasting it over and over again.  Let’s be like cows who keep chewing their food throughout the day.

Could trusting the Lord be this simple?

May 12, 2022

Maria Neediness, Trusting God , , Leave a comment

Whenever the cloud lifted from over the sacred tent, the people of Israel would break camp and follow it. And wherever the cloud settled, the people of Israel would set up camp. In this way, they traveled and camped at the LORD’s command wherever he told them to go. Then they remained in their camp as long as the cloud stayed over the Tabernacle. Numbers 9:17-18 NLT

Has God changed since he trained the Hebrews to follow his lead? Good heavens, no!  But functionally, we who proclaim to be followers of Jesus tend to act like he has. 

The other day, I saw this so clearly as I read the passage from Numbers. I started to put myself in the place of one of those Hebrew families:  ‘Why does Yahweh seem to be training us to look up each morning when we peek out our tent flap?  We never know until the sun is rising whether today will be a pack-and-move day or a stay- in-camp day.’

Surely, the night before they would have talked over their plans for the following morning.  One woman might have said to her neighbor, ‘Oh, tomorrow, I need to teach my oldest daughter how to press the olives for oil, so we can light the tabernacle candles.’  Or a Levite father might have intended to show his son how to take down the tent.

I’m no different. I keep a calendar.  I have in mind what I want to accomplish tomorrow.  I make a list of tasks around my programmed activities that I must attend to.

In the past year, though, I’ve been working on checking in with the Lord each morning and listening for his direction while I read the day’s appointed Bible passages and pray.

But this new mental picture of the body language of these wandering Hebrews has gripped me. Their 40-year-long camping adventure was one big dress rehearsal for the rest of their lives.  They learned to obey through repetitive daily practice.

In one sense, life was far simpler for them than it is for us in 2022 America. They were forced to depend on God for their daily needs.  Their food came from him, their plans came from him, their jobs came from him. 

Maybe if we were ‘reduced’ to that level of subsistence living, our functional atheism would be squeezed out of us. Through repetition, we would really come to know and trust the Lord as provided new mercies, met our needs for food, protected and guided us. In many ways, those Hebrews were blessed through their hardships because all they had was the Lord.

This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow.” Isaiah 48:17 NLT

Fashioned to be needy

May 5, 2022

Maria Isaiah 46, Neediness , , , Leave a comment

…..listen to me, the LORD. Since the day you were born, I have carried you along. I will still be the same when you are old and gray, and I will take care of you. I created you. I will carry you and always keep you safe.

 Isaiah 46:3-4 CEV

My daughter-in-law recently delivered her fourth baby, Caroline.  Seeing pictures of this sweet newborn reminds me of how very needy we humans are right from our conception.  Now out of the womb, Anne and Wes are having to provide everything this little girl needs and desires.  But we can predict that by the time she turns 2, she’ll start to want to do things on her own, in her own way. And so it goes, this drive for self-sufficiency.

I’ve mentioned before that I struggle with feeling like ‘I am NOT enough’. Why is this a struggle? Why don’t I just accept reality as it is? Simply put, it’s because I have long assumed that I SHOULD feel sufficient. But if God’s word is true, then there is never a time when I don’t need carrying.  No matter how vital and accomplished we might think we are, we continue to be needy.  We must simply be blind to our God-ordained ‘handicap’, which is so evident from our birth.

What a waste, all those years of suppressing the fears that I didn’t have what it takes to be a ‘good X’.  (Fill in the blank) Which human being has not judged him or herself:

  • To not be cute, thin, athletic, talented, strong, educated, credentialed or smart……enough?
  • Or equipped enough to parent, to do the work assigned, to make and sustain healthy relationships with friends, family and/or a marriage partner.

I have often felt insufficient to meet the expectations of others and society.  But why even lament that lack, if God has designed us to BE needy. 

Why indeed.  It feels much freer to admit my helplessness, not in a ‘so why bother’ way, but in a ‘I need Jesus every moment’ way.

A friend of mine recently wrote a blog post about a dad’s lament of having ‘blown it’ with his daughter. Out of a posture of humble regret, he reflected on how he will keep praying for God’s help to curb his tongue and emotions next time. But that what encourages him in this relationship that breaks down at times is that he has already been glorified (past tense) by God.  Future perfect relationships one day ARE guaranteed.

So, too, I am hopeful that one day I will live in a world that has been perfected.  I, along with all of God’s redeemed, and creation will be beautifully restored to even better than Eden. I will finally be ‘enough’, with no more fear of blowing it with people or situations.