Can we know God’s will?

September 1, 2022

Maria Philippians 2, Prayer, Psalm 20, Wisdom , , , 1 Comment

For it is [not your strength, but it is] God who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work [that is, strengthening, energizing, and creating in you the longing and the ability to fulfill your purpose] for His good pleasure. Philippians 2:13 Amplified

May He grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill your whole plan! Psalm 20:4 NASB

Have you ever prayed to know God’s will about a matter BEFORE you ‘did’ anything, before you took action?

I’ve only started first with God once in my life.  It happened like this.  I found myself at civil loggerheads with the other French teacher at my private school.  Thanks to a radically liberating workshop I had attended nine years into teaching, I switched how I taught French. I abandoned textbooks, grammar and spelling, typical emphases for language teachers.  Instead, I embraced helping students acquire French through comprehensible input. Presenting my students rich, varied, repetitive and interesting input in the form of stories and anything novel, I simply copied how we all learn our first language.

It’s natural, organic, fun and thoroughly engages learners.

It also threatens a traditional textbook teacher. My colleague feared that my radical change would slow her down in preparing students who started with me for the AP French exam as seniors.

I endured her pushback for several years.  But eventually, I knew that one of us would have to yield.

In September of my last year at this school I told God of my desire and asked him to reveal his will. I started praying for a sign. I had no idea how the Lord would grant my request, but I trusted that he would.  The ‘deadline’ loomed closer as we approached March, the month when contracts were to go out to those teachers the school wanted to retain.

I don’t remember being TOO terribly anxious.  Mike and I kept reminding our Father of this request. Frankly, it felt like a new adventure in trusting Him.

On Valentine’s Day, I received God’s signal.  I ran into Elaine in the hallway that day. “Maria,” she began, “you’re going to have to go back to using our textbook next year.  I’m losing too much time teaching what they should have learned with you.”  What is poignant is that my students were growing unafraid to open their mouths and speak French. Was it messy? You bet, but I expected that.  Could they conjugate a verb?  No, but they entered my colleague’s classes enjoying speaking French.

Back to my hallway conversation.  “This was it!  God just gave me a sign” With relief, I felt released to look for a new job for the fall.  I refused to teach the traditional way which didn’t serve my students well.  So, I would be the one to depart.

Experiencing God’s answer after months of waiting thrilled me even more than the answer.  Here was evidence, that if we wait on him in faith, he really DOES give us wisdom.

Here the Lord was affirming and opening up a path toward my heart’s desire: the freedom to teach the way I knew allowed learners to enjoy the process of speaking without fear.

Twenty-two years have passed.  I have once again asked Jesus what he thinks about a desire I have.  I have been praying and waiting for 4-5 weeks.

You know how much I love practicing languages.  My ‘monthly allowance’ for this polyglot hobby, my exercise class, nail and hair care and book habit is not enough.  Therefore, I have laid this issue before the Lord. I have asked Mike to pray that God would make clear if he approves of me proceeding with that desire. Afterall, he is the logical person to check with first!

Isn’t the Lord the source of our good desires?  I reason from Scripture like this:  if he gives me a desire, then he is going to fulfill it.  Probably not in the way I imagine, but in a creative and surprising form.

I believe that I received a greenlight nudge three days ago. Listening to a Spanish podcast while doing food prep, Pablo mentioned why people allow fear to stop them from trying something.  Suddenly, I felt the longing to embrace something larger than me, beyond my comfort level and ability so I would have to depend on Him.

I mentioned it to Mike that night and he concurred that very likely was from the Lord.

I continue to pray and wait. At the same time, I have opened a file to capture the practical ideas that are popping into my mind.  I don’t know yet where God is leading me by means of this desire, but I’m excited to find out. His word assures me that it is he who is causing my desire to do works that he has programmed for me.

When God doesn’t answer

April 26, 2020

Maria Anxiety, Peace, Philippians 4, Psalm 77, Thanksgiving, Thinking, Wisdom , , , , Leave a comment

Are you waiting for God to show you what to do? Who among us is not living with uncertainty or facing an impending decision?

One of my daughters-in-law is considering ‘officially’ homeschooling her 3 kids in the fall when the new school year begins.  Currently supervising and experiencing poor on-line assignments planned by classroom teachers has prompted her to provide alternative educational activities that enrich and suit each of the three children. The kids have settled in nicely to the new content and its rhythm.  All should be tranquil, right?

Unfortunately, at times, like we all do, she falls into churning about the future, details swirling unsettled in her mind. No peace and no answers, yet!

I’m experiencing similar quandaries:  what should I do about the English without Fear videos I create? Continue, produce fewer, abandon?  And what’s with my Spanish experience?  Daily I work on my own language acquisition. Beginning Spanish lessons for my grandkids via Zoom continue. But, but….what does God have in mind for me, ultimately?

Even though I KNOW that there is a time for everything, even though I KNOW that no one is forcing me to decide the future of my English and Spanish activities, I find myself indulging in analyzing pros and cons of how I spend the time God allots me.

Aren’t we two gals a microcosm of the world, both now during Covid19 times and in the past.

Reading Psalm 77 (NLT) this morning showed me a better way to face all our unknowns and handle decisions.  The psalmist Asaph is in a bad way.  He needs God for some dire situation:

  • I cry out to God; yes, I shout – v 1
  • I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for his help – v 3
  • I’m too distressed even to pray – v 4b
  • Has the Lord rejected me forever? Will he never again be kind to me? – v 7
  • Is his unfailing love gone forever? Have his promises permanently failed? – v 8

No answer.  God is silent.

But Asaph doesn’t give up. Nor does he continue to stress himself out with: What about this, what about that? What shall I do, especially since God doesn’t answer me?!!!!!

Through the Holy Spirit, God mercifully prompts Asaph to start thinking about all the ways God has come through for him in the past:

  • But then I recall all you have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago. – v 11
  • They are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works. – v 12

And off he goes.  Asaph never returns to his issues, his problems and the decisions he needs to make.

You know what this sounds like?  It’s just what Paul tells us WE should do in Philippians 4: 4-8.

In encouraging the Philippian believers, the apostle Paul assumes they all have problems and decisions to make that could weigh them down with anxiety. After reminding them to name what they are glad about in Jesus who is near them, he says:  openly present all your needs to God, thanking him for his care.

Notice that Paul does NOT explicitly say: ‘God will immediately give you the answers and resources you need.’

I think Paul would say if you asked him: “But what about…..?”:

  • ‘But of course, God will provide. But until he does, his immediate answer and gift to you is supernatural, unworldly peace. Not a peace based on answers for your particular situation.’

Yet, Paul does not leave them to fight deep groove of worry.  He offers a practical way to PROTECT these anxious, weak and struggling Christians.  Paul commands them to shift their thoughts to all that is TRUE, NOBLE, RIGHT, PURE, LOVELY, ADMIRABLE, EXCELLENT and PRAISE-WORTHY.

Isn’t that what the psalmist Asaph shows us by switching his wakeful thoughts to God’s past actions?

Psalm 77 is great because we don’t know the dire circumstances burdening his life.  Therefore, we’re free to adapt it to our own peculiar churn and inner distress.

I admit though, that this is hard for me to do!  I seem to prefer the familiarity of worry even though I know it harms me.  Shifting my thoughts takes an act of the will.  I have to turn my back on temptation, pray for help and set my mind to reflect on all the ways God has come through for me and my family in the past.

Yes, I still don’t know about my ‘future when it comes to teaching English and Spanish.  My daughter-in-law doesn’t have answers TODAY about homeschooling in the fall.  But we don’t have to be slaves to our as-of-yet unmet needs.  We have a good Father who doesn’t change. He’ll provide wisdom when it’s time. We can’t imagine or picture WHAT new information he’ll send our way, at the RIGHT time, that time when we SHOULD choose a course of action.

For now, for today, I want to remember that my Father’s will for me is a peace that goes beyond having answers and information.

Enough of the churn!

November 6, 2016

Maria Acts 26, Anxiety, Decision-making, Holy Spirit, Idols, Impatience, Slavery , , 2 Comments

Up until last Friday, I lived with churn. You know that confused, lingering, heavy problem for which no solution is evident? The one that weighs you down and dominates your thoughts?  Yeah, that kind of burden.

churn-1

It takes a lot of energy to keep switching sides, changing one’s mind.  I did that for a number of years with the dilemma – DO I invest time and energy into weighing myself every day, working to maintain a certain weight? or DO I trust God about how He wants my body to be and choose NOT to have my weight be such an identity issue?  Come 5 December 2017, I will celebrate one year of FREEDOM from that enslaving idol.

That particular ‘giving it up/over to God’ final act came after a lot of churn.  Looking back, the churn and my wishy-washiness contributed to much of my pain.  I have felt so much freer since that once and for all decision 11 months ago.

But the back and forth of making and breaking my word to myself has made me gun-shy. I am leery of the sticking power of any decision I make.  The question is – will I truly leave the issue with God or will I take it back into my hands?

I teach French in a school that is 50 minutes away from our house in Western North Carolina.  The days are long and during the school year, I have very reduced personal time. I also find it daunting most days to challenge and teach middle-schoolers with creativity in a way that best makes a way for them to acquire facility with the language.

Yes, my lazy self would love a job that is closer to home and easier AND paid as much as this teaching job.  But as they say in French, ‘ça n’existe pas’ – that doesn’t exist. Apparently.

Why apparently?  Because I have sought other positions over the past 3+ years, AND God has firmly kept all other doors closed AND maintained the financial limits on us that make it necessary for me to earn what I do.

Finally, last week, after knocking on one more door, I gave up.  I’m tired of ‘kicking against the goads’ as Paul worded it in his account of his conversion en route to Damascus. The New Living Translation renders it this way:

We all fell down, and I heard a voice saying to me in Aramaic, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? It is useless for you to fight against my will.‘ Acts 26:14

I have a hunch, that when and if God wants me to work in a different setting, He will facilitate the move in a way that clearly is of Him and without churn. When Mike and I prayerfully decided to leave suburban Tidewater, Virginia in June 2013, God opened the doors. He sold our Virginia house, found us an affordable house here that is set in the stunning Smoky Mountains and secured a French-teaching job for me.  There was plenty of prayer, but no churn.

I’m a slow learner but I think this lesson (one that the Holy Spirit repeats creatively in different ways) might be sinking in!  Time will tell, but please pray for me to leave this matter in God’s hands and not invest any more mental and emotional energy into it.

 

 

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