Is Jesus enough for me?

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Elkanah had it right!  Do you remember his question to his wife, the wife he loved most, the wife who was barren? This was the childless wife, Hannah, who wanted to have children of her own.   The OTHER wife, the fertile one, ‘her rival’ as the text renders it, used to taunt her sister wife about her lack of kids.

One year, when the entire family made their annual trek to Shiloh to sacrifice and worship to the Lord, Elkanah addressed Hannah’s sadness and said:

……“Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons? 1 Sam 1:8

We women often smirk at Elkanah’s remark, belittling him for his apparent oblivion of Hannah’s desire to be a mom.  Justifying our reaction we also point to the heightened value of children in that culture and concomitant stigma assigned to those unable to bring forth life.

I thought of Elkanah this morning when I lingered over Charles Spurgeon’s morning encouragement:  Spurgeon’s am thoughts – 27 April 2019

Specifically, he writes about God:

  • He can supply you with all, or, better still, he can be to you instead of all.

When I read that, I stopped and immediately thought of Hannah’s husband and his response to her sadness. Could it be that Elkanah is a type, pointing to Jesus, not only the provision-supplier but THE provision Himself?

Convicted, I suddenly saw how I tend to go to Jesus more for what He can give me, rather than simply for Himself as my satisfaction.  That is to say,  I go to Jesus to get ‘bread’ – my specific stuff that I ‘need’. Recently those needs have centered around:

  • guidance about how to live as a newly un-employed woman, sprung from a life of hustle and rush
  • direction about what to do with my English language videos I’m producing since I don’t ‘have’ to make money now
  • help and encouragement for family members and friends who struggle with suffering, fears and doubts

But this is a new thought. Maybe Spurgeon and Elkanah are saying: Yes, for sure go to the Provider for what you need. Always.  But don’t stop there. Think bigger! Ask for what lasts, for you and for those whose needs you lift up.

Could it be that our various necessities have an expiration date, that they won’t EVER be enough, lastingly?

That, the temporary provision is going to have to be replaced with still more short-term supply, ad infinitum?

That Jesus offers not just the daily, hourly particular nuggets of grace, but Himself, the Bread, the Water, the Light, the Life that really satisfies?

These are new thoughts.

Maybe we really CAN trust Jesus when He says: Seek primarily, most of all, before anything else, the Kingdom of God and my righteousness. (Matt 6:33)

For then, THROUGH Him, IN Him, BY MEANS of HIM we can see how to think about everything else.

Elkanah was speaking more truth than I ever have given him credit.  I’m going to put his name on my list of people I want to meet in heaven.

 

Shutting doors on lesser things

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Journeying through Genesis again, I’ve seen how God closes and opens wombs.  Wombs are a sort of door, a door to fruitfulness. When Abraham passed off his wife Sarah as his sister (for the second time!), Abimelech took her into his harem.  Immediately, we learn in Genesis 20:17-18, that God afflicted Abimelech, his wife, and his slave girls so they could not have any children.  God took away their fruitfulness.

Catching my attention after this account were the words: Now the LORD was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did for Sarah what he had promised.  Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him. Gen 21: 1-2

God opened a door; he made Sarah fruitful.  Yes, Sarah and Abraham came together as husband and wife so a baby could be conceived.  But the conception and subsequent birth were entirely OF the Lord!

God has been shutting doors in our lives, specifically in Mike’s life.  We finally have seen and come to the decision to go in the direction God is leading. We don’t yet know the where or the when.  That is up to God.  However, we are doing what he gives us to do: apply for jobs, list our house.

The Holy Spirit has yet to close any doors at this point in my life.  Instead, He has recently shown me a door I am to close.  As an act of worship.

Those who know me well, put up kindly with my seeming insatiable quest for information.  Over the past 7 months, I have binged on podcasts and books about Keto.  Keto is a health-promoting low-carb, high-fat way of eating.  Mike and I switched to this protocol for brain health and disease prevention.

Keto is what I talk about.  Constantly.  My computer password has included a reference to Keto.  I have listened to at least one Keto podcast a day on my long commute to and from school.

Two days ago, God opened my eyes to this idolatry.  Painfully, and in a way that fit me.

  • My weight climbed, something that always ‘sends’ me into self-preoccupation and temporary depression.

How did He connect that with my idol worship?  That very first morning of weight gain something came up in one of my prayers. Scotty Smith, a PCA pastor who writes daily prayers, had used the example of  Betsy Ten Boom urging her sister Corrie to thank God for the fleas in their Nazi concentration camp barracks.

Convicted, I thanked God for the weight gain, not an easy thing for a weight-obsessed Maria to do.  During this same morning time with the Lord, I read another prayer and wrote this down: “Whatever we treasure in our hearts will be reflected in the stream of our words.”

Ouch!  What a closeup snapshot of me!  Almost daily I have flooded poor Mike with what I have newly absorbed in a Keto podcast.  A clear illustration of the principle:  what you dwell on and talk about reflect what is important to you.

The final gentle but firm push from the Holy Spirit was something Charles Spurgeon had written this week, based on a text from Psalm 109:4 ……but I give myself to prayer.  At the time I read it, I had said to myself:  I am a woman who gives herself to prayer.

Two days later, I saw that my conclusion was NOT true.  I had become a woman who gave herself to Keto (the latest in a long string of a ‘passion of the month/year’).

I knew what I had to do. Unsubscribe from the podcasts and the email newsletters.  Go back to podcasts about God. Change my password.

During our nightly prayer check-in, where Mike and I open our hearts to one another and write down what we need God to do for us, I confessed my sin and how the Holy Spirit had revealed it to me.  He prayed for me.

This morning, God has kept up the training.  I wrote in my journal:

  • Maria, repent when you are more interested in a created thing than in the Creator!

God then directed my mind to this exhortation from Isaiah 55:2:

Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.

To eat what is good, I have to stop putting garbage into my mouth.

I almost fell into temptation this morning. There remained ONE Keto podcast I had not unsubscribed from.  I started to justify, “Surely ONE podcast a week won’t hurt me…..”

(the Serpent’s lies feel so palate-pleasing and harmless!)

I unsubscribed.

My conclusion?  In this case, God did not shut the door for me, He instead urged me to shut the door myself.

I now understand that giving up this lesser thing IS a sacrifice He calls me to make.  Worship is about sacrificing the best-created thing to show yourself, God, maybe some of the watching world, and all of the invisible world, that our triune God is worth MOST OF ALL!  Sacrifice and worship are not about earning God’s favor.  His children already HAVE received His grace and can’t lose that.  But we need a constant reminder of Who is supreme.  The world, the flesh and the devil all can look mighty satisfying.  All a lie.

Eating what is good trains our palate for the Holy.

I wonder what other doors He will reveal.  More doors to close?  Or maybe new doors to fruitfulness.  Eat up, Maria!  But only what is good.

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