Help for a worry addict

November 8, 2024

Maria Meditation, Philippians 4, Prayer, Renewing, Sin, Thoughts, Trusting God , , , , , , 2 Comments

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8 ESV

I’ve resolved to attack this sin of worry any way I can!

That is not a new decision, but one that dates decades back to when I became a Christian in my early twenties. Sadly, as motivated as I can be, I have easily slipped back into that well-worn groove of pondering and stewing over current situations and feeling bad.  Yes, despite having ‘given them over’ to Jesus.

You see, I simply forget that I am cutting a new path through the wilderness, this jungle of my thought life.

To help me, I realized yesterday that I should PRAY early in the day, asking the Holy Spirit to help me remember my true desire.

This morning, he brought a device to mind, a resource that  might just be what I can use to not forget my resolve to kill this sin.   

In his letter to the Philippians, who apparently were believers prone to worry like me, Paul offered a path for our thoughts after we have handed over to Jesus what weighs us down. It’s a verse I memorized some years back.

I excitedly turned to Philippians 4:8 thinking that just maybe there were seven topics offered on which I could focus my thoughts in lieu of stewing.  That would be cool if there were seven, the number of ‘completion’, allowing me continuously to cycle through one a day.

But there are eight. 

I googled, ‘significance of the number eight in the Bible’. And voilà, up popped this gem of an article spelling out the wonder of eight.

It turns out that eight communicates ‘a new beginning, order or creation’.  How cool is that!  The author relates at least 10 different places in the Bible where 8 is meaningful.  Mentioning just one of the early ones, eight people on the arc were saved out of the flood.  You should read the rest of examples in Scripture.  As a teaser, David was Jesse’s eighth and last son.

Do you remember how Paul exhorts us to be changed completely by renovating our minds, by changing our thought patterns?   The Bible declares that we are new creations. But just as we are considered forensically or legally righteous in Jesus since believers are covered by his blood, we still have to grow into what we are in practice.

Today, waiting in my physical therapist’s office for my time slot, I shunned my phone, choosing instead to use today’s Word, “true” and meditate.  I started to think through all that I knew to be true. I had time for about 15 facts before Phil called me back. Such truths as:

  • I have a Father
  • He created me on purpose
  • I have worth in his sight
  • He is sovereign over every detail of my life
  • He IS handling my needs and my requests

Not only do I need a daily focus, if I’m to direct my thoughts away from what I have handed over to the Lord, I want also to use the daily meditation focus as a way to sift my thoughts.

Here is how I see this filtering tool. From early this morning, I was armed and ready to clobber any thought threatening to sink me with the help of my shield. Before I let a potentially enemy though get close to me I was ready with a probe: Is that thought TRUE? 

I pray I can get practiced at remembering and challenging myself as I protect my new path of God-honoring thoughts. If you think of me or run into me in person, please feel free to ask me what my pondering focus for the day is.  Or call me out on a comment I make that dishonors, condemns, or isn’t true, lovely, right or praiseworthy.   

How does God answer our prayers?

October 19, 2024

Maria Decision-making, God's wisdom, James 1, Trusting God , , , 4 Comments

How does God answer our prayers?

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. James 1:5 NLT

The first time I tried out God’s promise to give me wisdom in a career situation, I resolved to take him at his word and wait for his guidance.  I was teaching school and had been living tenuously in tension with the high school French teacher who counted on me to prepare my middle school students well. She expected them to have a good foundation in grammar and vocabulary.

The problem was that I had found a better way to help students acquire the language and it wasn’t through teaching and testing grammar and vocabulary. Hence the conflict.  She was not my boss, but a colleague.  

We had graciously danced around the issue for about 4 years. This fifth year I felt her impatience and now pressure mounting. Although she acknowledged that my students were speaking far better than her students, that was not her goal. So, in October, I asked God to let me know if I should cede to her or leave this school and seek another place to teach French with freedom.

I didn’t know what his answer would look like and I was afraid of getting to the end of the school year, without having felt, seen or sensed the wisdom and help I needed to decide. We needed the income I brought in, so a lot was riding on what I would do.

But then God on Valentine’s Day sovereignly brought the other French teacher across my path as I was walking to the copy room.  Elaine stopped me and announced, “Maria, you are just going to have to go back to the text book next year.  Your students are not coming to me adequately prepared for French.

“There it was! “, I jubileed in my heart. “That’s my sign!”  For I immediately felt the Lord release me to seek a teaching position with a different school. 

When we ask for wisdom, I don’t think anyone knows how that wisdom will come. Will someone say something to us? Will the Lord open or close a door in a different way?  Which circumstances will change? That is the adventure, if we can truly leave the issue with the Lord, in seeking wisdom.

The reason this turning point in my life came to mind is because I am facing another decision and I don’t know what to do.  So, I have left this issue with the Lord. I don’t know how he’ll guide me, but I know he will. 

Are you needing medical advice? Or don’t know what to do with a family situation where all seems dark? I don’t know how our Father does it, but he DOES guide us.  Through people, ‘random-seeming’ turns of events, novel ideas. We don’t have the capacity to imagine all the possibilities he has at hand.  But we know he is the ultimate Creator.

So, with this decision about which I don’t know what to do.  It’s not life-threatening, but has to do with time commitment and the best investment of resources. Instead of turning it round and round in my mind, I have handed all over to the Lord that his will be done, and that he gives me his wisdom. And when the situation comes to mind, I remind myself and the Lord that I am waiting for his guidance.  I don’t know when or how he’ll show me which direction to take, but I trust him.

How do you respond when the mountains DO fall and the waters rise?

October 1, 2024

Maria Psalm 46 , , , , , , , 2 Comments

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. Psalm 46:1-3 NIV

I couldn’t sleep Sunday night, thinking of disrupted lives. Our oldest son lives in Tampa where Hurricane Helene hit.  Moving up the coast, this unpredictable storm then devastated Asheville, NC, a treasured spot that Mike’s brother and wife plus many of our friends call home.

A camera shot of a broken-off chunk of Interstate 40 near Asheville has lodged in my mind’s eye.

We used to live in Asheville, so when the storm hit this past weekend, I imagined the details of many individual lives totally altered.  I thought of those who months ago secured wedding venues in Asheville. Then I pictured pregnant moms whose water broke in the middle of the night in a house without power or water, unable to get out to a hospital.  Have a few distressed husbands tried calming panicky wives all the while delivering their baby?

As of this first day in October, 2024, they say it’ll be weeks before the water repairs are done.

Down in Tampa, Graham and his family have power and water, but are concerned about their house due to a live wire lying on a tree branch dangerously close. Their neighbors are worried as well, since their houses sit close by.

When my Texas cousins suffered during Hurricane Harvey in 2017, I prayed daily.  But this feels different.  We’ve lived in Asheville, we know Tampa, and we are connected to far more people. 

I realize now how little I invest emotionally when tragedies and disasters strike parts of the world where I have no connection. I feel sad, and I ‘might’ offer a prayer, but my care ends there. Not so with our God.

‘Where is God in all this?’, someone might ask. Right with those suffering and those rescuing, a present help.

What can I learn at a distance that will prepare me now for when my ‘mountains’ collapse?


First, that the Lord has the right to interrupt ‘my’ life any time. Afterall, he owns it, for he created it. I am used to acknowledging my lack of control when I travel by car or by plane. Those situations bring me face to face with my powerlessness. I FEEL how ephemeral life is.

In those occasions I balk inwardly at that reality because I do long for a safe life seasoned with joy-producing novelties and happy interruptions.

The Holy Spirit uses this longing or ‘Sehnsucht’ as C.S. Lewis named it, reminding me that one day, what I know how God designed me to be will be satisfied. You and I were made to live forever.

And second, God grows my resolve loosely to hold to current circumstances and possessions. They are but temporary.  In the meantime, may I be faithful to pray for others, using my God-given imagination and doing what I can to help, even if at a distance.

What makes me happy?  What I know!

August 29, 2024

Maria God as helper, God's Peace, Psalm 146, suffering, Trusting God, Truth , , , 1 Comment

Have you ever read or listened to the classic kids’ book The Adventures of Pinocchio, by C. Collodi? He wrote it in 1881 as separate chapters for a children’s magazine before it was published in book form two years later. Mike is reading it out loud for his You Tube channel Papa Mike Reads Children’s Classics. I listen to a chapter at a time, as he uploads them, while doing my morning stretching routine.

Earlier this week, I enjoyed the account of how the repentant yet always backsliding marionette hops on the wagon traveling to the ‘Land of Toys’ where boys don’t have to go to school nor are there any books.  Allegedly, all day and every day they play and have fun.  The journey to this naughty boy’s paradise turns out to be very difficult and uncomfortable. The boys are packed like sardines into a donkey-driven wagon where it’s insufferably hot. They have no food or drink.

In any other circumstances they would have grumbled and jumped off the wagon. Surprisingly they keep each other in high spirits talking up what awaits them. Not a murmur nor a negative comment taint their anticipatory good cheer.

Why? Because of what they know.

Their emotionally-charged happy image of what awaits them softens the hours of traveling discomfort.  Knowing their happy destination makes all the difference.

The same can be true of us. What we know about our God, and our savior, along with our sure and certain future in God’s Kingdom, a place FAR better than what awaits these wayward boys, should kill off any discontent and give us a peaceful and calm attitude.

One of the readings on Tuesday was this psalm:

But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper, whose hope is in the LORD their God. Psalm 146: 5 NLT

For my benefit, so I could really grasp it, I rewrote this verse to read:

Happy is the one who has a helper who is God and who KNOWS he has one.  Happy is the one who then counts on his helper, the one and only true God.

The verses that follow describe just what kind of helper we have.  The psalmist reminds us of how powerful, good, kind and faithful our God is.

What struck me, resonating with my soul, was that it’s knowing this promise and accepting it as FACT that creates a solid state of peace and contentment. As long as I keep recalling and thinking about what I know to be true, this reality that is God, I can put up with difficult, obstacle-producing circumstances. Knowledge makes all the difference.

For example, when I was pregnant with each of our sons and going through labor, knowing the outcome that awaited me on the other side of the pain helped. Then there have been those times of suffering and frustration in both relationships and work that have taught me the same.  I’ve learned over the decades that no matter the present misery, if the forecasted outcome is delightful or help is available, or I can know and understand the reason for the suffering, I can more easily deal with the pain, pressure and even fear.

Every day you and I live the reality that all of life is uncertain. The market goes up and down. Our kids find themselves included by friends or on the outside.  Our bosses come and go. Health varies. There’s nothing created by us or by God that can bring us perpetual satisfaction. He himself, as God, is our satisfaction. But we have to believe that.

So, if you want to be happy, then write down what you are certain of, what you know.  And focus on that. Since God is God, his characteristics won’t change. His promises to you won’t waver.  And your future is more amazing than you can imagine.

It’s what (and who) you know that makes you happy.

Actual strength that changes life

August 23, 2024

Maria God's Peace, Holy Spirit, Judges 7, Psalm 23, Spiritual Warfare , , , , 2 Comments

Psalm 23:3 He restores my soul (NIV)……He revives my life (ISV)…He renews my strength (NLT)….He refreshes my soul (LSV)

I was on the elliptical cardio machine at Orange Theory Fitness this morning.  I never ‘feel’ energetic when I hop on.  But after 5-6 minutes, strength seems to arrive.  I don’t actually feel it, but I notice that I can go faster and steeper than when I started.  This has gotten me thinking about the strength that God infuses into our souls.

Last week, when I felt attacked by obsessive, unrelenting thoughts for a good 24 hours, it didn’t occur to me that spiritual forces of darkness were behind this.  But when Mike prayed for me, immediately followed by my reading pastor Scotty Smith’s words about spiritual warfare, the attack melted away.

That quick insight or clarity, something I already knew but Satan had blinded for a spell, changed my mood entirely.

Just as going to the gym and eating good quality protein provide energy and strength, God’s truth sources our power. But it’s not something we feel come into us or reside inside of us. In the spiritual realm, the Holy Spirit enables us to live out of a different perspective, God’s knowledge of reality.

This week I’m reading through Judges.  In chapter 7, Gideon has been prompted to free his people from the Midianites.  Knowing that this young man doesn’t FEEL capable, God goes out of his way to meet Gideon in his fear and weakness:

That night the LORD said to Gideon, “Get up and go down against the camp, for I have delivered it into your hand. But, if you are afraid to do so, then go down to the camp with your servant Purah and listen to what they are saying. Then your hands will be strengthened to attack the camp.” So, he went with Purah his servant to the outposts where armed men were guarding the camp. Judges 7:10-11 Berean Standard Bible

What made a difference to Gideon? An unimaginable conversation, a bit of new information transformed the outlook of this ‘least of the least’.  Now he was mentally and emotionally prepared to trust God and follow his plan, however strange it sounded.

What our mind believes affects our strength.  And God’s word delivered by his Spirit is transformative. 

Just before his departure heavenward the resurrected Jesus told his followers: But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. Acts 1:8 NLT

We all know about Peter’s courage and the effect of his bold preaching after the Spirit visited them. I think Peter and the rest believed Jesus with a new assurance of the truth. It was holy-spirit-infused new information. Not the news alone, not the Holy Spirit without any content.  Both together.

If you are a born-from-above believer, then you too have the Holy Spirit in you. And he is able to transform truth into power that you don’t physically feel. But believing you can do what God says is enough.

The parallels between working out, eating healthy and God’s amazing news of reality fascinate me in how they transform ‘mere’ words or energy expenditure or food intake into a powerful force that I can’t actually FEEL.  But I see the results, the outcome.   

So it was with my immediate change in mood and outlook last week. That incident renewed my trust in the Lord.  If he can act THAT fast in such a significant way, dispatching the obsessively fearful and negative thoughts, then I want to take him at his word ALL the time.

How do you pay attention to your soul?

August 16, 2024

Maria Joshua 23, Loving God, Psalm 131, Soul Care, Soul growth , , , , , , 1 Comment

….Take good care in your souls to be in awe of LORD JEHOVAH your God !Joshua 23:11 Aramaic Bible in Plain English

As a counselor and translator for Hispanic women at Huntsville’s pregnancy resource center, I stood in the small room where a young mom from Guatemala and the father of her baby were viewing on a screen their unborn child for the first time.  The Mom was about 17 weeks along in her pregnancy.  The couple had a little girl with them, a three-year-old named Diana.

I always think of a child of three as the weaned child described in the Psalm who has quieted himself.  You know, that little one who doesn’t want anything from Mom but to be as close to her as possible.

But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. Psalm 131:2 NIV

This little girl was anything but calm.  She positively shrieked from time to time. Her rigid stance while steadily projecting a piercing, prolonged cry seemed not to disturb her parents. It unsettled me for sure, as well as Olivia the nurse scanning the mom.

I surmised that maybe in these early years of her life, ‘Mom’ had not safely provided for little Diana in a calm way. It’s hard to learn how to calm your soul if you haven’t ever felt loved and secure.

I sat down next to her and rubbed her back, trying to reassure her.  Next, I prayed in English over her, talking to Jesus. ‘Dad’ was sitting on a stool next to where the little girl’s mom lay.  I found it hard to get an answer to my questions in Spanish. “Did she not sleep last night?  Is she hungry?”  He smiled, but remained disengaged. Their only ‘tool’ was to hand over one of their iPhones to distract her.  It played nothing but raucous K-Pop at too-high-a-decibel level.

I’d shriek too, if I was fed that noise.

Before Joshua died, he pointed to God’s goodness in making good on all his promises to the Hebrews. Then he warned the 12 tribes to prioritize loving God above all else. How were they to do that?

By paying attention or guarding their souls with all their vehemence or strength.  Almost violently, so the Hebrew wording goes, feeling almost over the top.  Some translations choose ‘diligently’ to translate ‘good heed’ or mehode in Hebrew. But that sounds polite, even respectful.  In reality the Hebrew describes an effort that is: forceful, with intensity, with all measure of strength, using one’s utmost capacity. Think Olympic athletes.

We’re talking about loving God.  Why would that much effort be required?  Because our souls are wanderers, looking for something new, better or different. And if you’ve read much in the Old Testament, you can understand why God through Moses and Joshua kept repeating the same admonitions. 

I’m no different.  My passions sometimes overtake my interest in God. I tend to ‘geek out’ learning about alternative health remedies and acquiring languages.

Not bad pursuits in themselves, but they compete for my attention. They shift it away from eternal matters, like tending my soul and kindling more love for God.

I’m taking to heart this morning’s warning in Joshua.  I DO know what peace and comfort and contentment feel like.  More information or more progress in languages and health won’t provide ultimate things.  But God’s word and the life-pictures he provides encourage me to keep going back to ‘the one thing’ that is important. That I love the Lord, my God with all my heart and soul.  In his strength!

Do you feel courageous in your daily life?

August 6, 2024

Maria 2 Corinthians 5, Confidence, courage, Prayer, Trusting God, Uncategorized , , Leave a comment

Therefore, being always of good courage….2 Corinthians 5:6 NASB

Reading this affirmation from Paul, I had an inkling that another meaning for the Greek term might be cheerful.  Sure enough, ‘tharreo’ also signifies:  being of good cheer, being hopeful, bold, and confident.

When I think of courage, I think of a physical feeling surging up.  But I can’t identify with that.  However, I can imagine being cheerfully light-hearted because of God. 

What I know of him from the Bible, the perpetual non-ending nature of all his attributes, fills me with confidence in God and true hope for the future.

Thinking of cheery people, I picture someone not preoccupied with himself, freed from the smallness of self-focus. 

Only by meditating on Jesus as my older brother, on the Holy Spirit as my helper and on the warm welcome of the Father can my face broadcast a relaxed smile. 

Of course, the personal Almighty will take care of all my concerns, especially those heavy and ‘No Exit’ (think Sartre) burdens people dear to me carry.

Turning ‘events’ into adventures

July 11, 2024

Maria Fear, Humility, John 17, Knowing Jesus, Prayer, Service , , , 4 Comments

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,

The clouds ye so much dread

Are big with mercy, and shall break

In blessings on your head.

Stanza 3, William Cowper, Light Shining out of Darkness

All week long, with intentionality, I have fought back old patterns of imagining the worst. Daily I have sought a different truth with which to fight fear. 

Anne had pointed me to Cowper’s poem more than 2 years ago when I was worried about what another family member might ask me to do to help my mother-in-law.  I had been traveling a lot already and did not want to add another air trip.  Besides sharing the Cowper verses, she had me actually articulate the worst that could happen: “I’ll have to fly out to Seattle and escort her to Asheville. And I don’t want to.” Anne then responded: ‘Do you think you’ll survive that short hardship?”

Well, put that way, what could I do but nod ‘yes’?

This morning reading Oswald Chambers devotion for July 11, I saw a healthier and saner way to approach ‘worst case scenarios’.

Oswald describes just how to think about all of life. It’s to keep reminding myself that the purpose of life, of every occurrence I face is to know Jesus.

Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. John 17:3 NIV

And we ‘learn him’ better through every experience, from menial tasks to scary events. That is, IF we remember to view events from that perspective.

Using Jesus’ example of washing his disciples’ feet, Oswald writes that Jesus was willing to humble himself since he knew two fundamental truths: that he had come from God and was returning to God.

Continuing with Oswald, I should not approach a commitment, a volunteer responsibility or household chore with the attitude: ‘There’s work to be done, I must do it’. Instead, I should bring an attitude of wonder to the work at hand.  ‘I wonder what I will learn about Jesus in this?’

Just now sitting in the dental hygienist’s chair, the Holy Spirit reminded me, “This is an ‘event’.  (No, I don’t dread the dentist’s office!) Be on the alert from what you can learn about Jesus.”

I’ve been praying for ‘Karina’ since my last appointment, that she would come to know Jesus. With the Spirit’s prompt, as she removed tools from my mouth I asked her if her mom and dad were believers. That’s when I found out she grew up with Hispanic parents who never went to church.  I broke into Spanish and chatted with her some and created a point in common.  Now I understand more why she has no spiritual point of reference.

This is actually fun! Every part of my day is a new adventure if I seek to see more of Jesus.

And when it comes to those events I dread or worry about, I will continue to work on changing old patterns of fearful imagining of future problems. To that end, I’m copying Jesus, by applying and personalizing John 17:3 –  Since I know the Father loves me, I will do/face what is at hand, eager to know Jesus in a new way.  For this is what true life is.

His mercies soften our suffering

July 4, 2024

Maria God's Mercy, Psalm 109, Uncategorized Leave a comment

… he stands beside the needy, ready to save them. Psalm 109:31 NLT

We’re watching Season 4 of The Chosen. One of Jesus’ followers dies shortly after Jesus heals the man born blind. Angry puzzlement surfaces when the Savior does not revive this one.  But we do see him enter grief with his mourning friends. Although he must follow the Father’s will, Jesus sorrows.

This morning, lingering over Psalm 109, I thought of what we watched last night. Verse 31 says Jesus STANDS next to us in our suffering. Standing up signals his readiness to act.

How comforting to know how close he is.  He intends to save me.  But I must leave my rescue in his hands, the how and when and what that looks like.

I also see how being needy is what qualifies me for his help. It is good to be needy and to admit it. Sometimes I’m afraid of future suffering (guaranteed!). But I know God is loving and per Psalm 108:4, has stacked today’s mercies higher than the sky.

To manipulate or not; that is the crux

June 29, 2024

Maria Humility, Love, Matthew 7 , , 1 Comment

In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 NASB

Sometimes, from early on as a child or teenager, you make a pledge never to do or act like one of your parents. As a teenager, I didn’t want to be ‘weak’ or ‘lazy’ like my mom. Nor did I want to be as ‘rigid’ as my dad. (Descriptions seen through negative teenage eyes!)

But then there are the patterns of behavior that slip into you without you knowing it. It might be a long while before you can make the connection between how one of your parents acted and what you do that is just like him or her.

This is one of my stories. I’m just now recognizing, mid 60s, how I try to ‘optimize or organize’ family behavior in an attempt to improve relationships. 

Another way of describing my clumsy attempts would be:  I try to manipulate or orchestrate the words and behavior of others toward an outcome I think is optimal.

My dad did this when I was still at home.  He sensed that there was a bit of a chill between his brother’s wife, Edna, and my mom. He would plan phone calls and ‘get’ my mom to talk with Edna.  He would instruct Mom to write Edna newsy, friendly letters. And my mom would comply to please my dad.

Now you have to know my mom.  She was the most people-loving person I have ever known.  As a practiced journalist, there wasn’t any one she couldn’t establish a connection and get them talking with ease.

She would also share how good Jesus was with every stranger she met.  Then having learned ‘their life’s story’ would pray on the spot for them.

But my aunt Edna (as well as my mother-in-law, Terry) were not women who warmed to my mom. 

It’s a fact, not everyone is going to like us. Even if we have a genuine love for people.  Even if they are part of the family.

My dad wouldn’t accept that Edna didn’t care for my mother and he would push her to keep trying to engage with his sister-in-law.  He also did that with me, forcing me to show emotions that I didn’t have.  I learned to fake sympathy, empathy and apologies just to appease him. He never seemed to pick up on their inauthenticity.

The main point of me telling you this, is that I now realize how I have done that with Mike ever since we had grandkids.  I probably started early on to project my anxiety over my natural abilities as a grandmother onto him.

As I have grown more in confidence as a grandparent, I see how I have tried to ‘get Mike’ to act in certain ways making ‘veiled’ suggestions. My man is intuitive and emotionally in tune to others. He can smell manipulation a mile off, just as I could as a teen with my dad.

Besides suggesting what to do with our grandkids, I also say things like, ‘Have you contacted your brother recently?” or, “You know, you could respond to ‘so-and-so’ by writing this.”

I’m horrified to realize that I’ve been acting just like my dad. It’s not loving. It’s fear-based and wrong. And it’s prideful. Who says you should copy my way of interacting with others?

If I didn’t like how my dad forced his ways on me or my mom, then my dear husband doesn’t either.  I therefore resolve, with God’s help, to ‘let it go’ and work on Maria. May I let others manage their own relationships to suit themselves and please God.

Fortunately, Mike is very kind. He’ll forgive me when I slip into old patterns. But I do want to kill this off.

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