Is it a sin to express the darker emotions?

November 4, 2023

Maria Fear, John 16, Luke 22, Painful emotions, Psalm 112, Strength, Struggles, Trusting God, Truth , , , 2 Comments

“Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not My will, but Yours, be done.” Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him. And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground. When He rose up from prayer, and had come to His disciples, He found them sleeping from sorrow. Luke 22: 42-45 NKJV

Do you ever find yourself afraid of what awaits you in the future? Potential losses or disappointments?

Or course the Bible describes in detail our Father’s good plans for us, plans to give us a land (work) fertile enough to produce what we need and to share with others. But we also know that Jesus promised suffering in this world.

I’ve occasionally shared with a close friend that it’s not MY personal suffering I dread. Rather I project or imagine the pain I would feel if one of my family members were to suffer loss.  It’s other people’s pain that I fear I can’t handle.  These disordered dreads go back to childhood patterns my parents unconsciously modeled and taught me. Only in the last couple of years have I been realizing that I might not need to fear OTHER people’s feelings. A new idea has recently helped me in this growth.

Last week, to my surprise AND my relief I found someone articulating exactly what I have lived with, this misty dread of the future. On page 179 in her recent book, The Garden Within, Anita Phillips writes:

“Sometimes we say we trust God even when we’re not sure that we do.  It can be hard to sit in the presence (of God) when you’re not sure you’re safe there.  Not trusting God is the same as being afraid of God. But it’s okay to share your fears with the Creator.  It’s okay to say that you are afraid of what might happen. That you are afraid of what God might allow.”

After I read and reread her words and let them sink in, I thought about Jesus in Gethsemane and how an angel strengthened him.

In the worst of the most unimaginable sufferings ever experienced by a man, gazing into the hell he was about to go through, the Father fortified him to bear up. Rereading the text’s timeline surprised me.  First came the angel alongside of Jesus divinely strengthening him.  THEN began the horror.  Don’t you find it strange that Jesus endures ‘agony’ to the point of excreting bloody sweat at THIS point, and not on the cross? 

Could it be that God gives us space to imagine the worst?  To feel the future sadness that loss might bring?  I think so.

But as believers, we are left alone in our suffering or even our thoughts of potential, future suffering. God has placed within us something better than an angel, himself as permanent Comforter and Provisioner.

Therefore, I don’t need to fear deep emotions like grief, whether mine or someone else’s.

I should know this because, even if for a few moments, when I let Mike in on what I am going through or what hurts, I feel better.  Patience and genuine empathy radiate from him.  If a fellow human being can bring relief by just sitting with us in it, surely God does that even more.

With Jesus as our model, you and I should feel relief in knowing that God welcomes ALL of our emotions. No need to stuff them or bear them alone. Nor is it a sin to get angry or to fear the scary. The sinless Savior freely expressed joy, love, satisfaction, disappointment, unmet longings, anger, grief, hurt, depression and fear. And he practiced what he taught. Look at how he ‘gets up’ after wrestling with God in prayer. With a peace-filled settled heart, he turns to give a hand to his disciples who are exhausted by all that is happening. We, too, can experience peace each time we return to the Lord.

My takeaway after meditating a while on all this, is that you and I can ‘approach the throne of grace’. When we turn back to Jesus and get real with him, that is when we confess or ‘truth tell’ as Jamie Winship calls it, we receive his consoling fortification via the ComFORTer.

Since he has given us his promises to soak in, I take them to heart. The most reassuring and perfect one in this week’s experience has been from Psalm 112: 1, 7 (NIV):

…..blessed are those who fear the Lord, who find great delight in his commands…….. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.

Yes, we are promised sorrow, but listen to Jesus’ assurance to you and to me:

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33 NLT

Don’t we all want refreshing life?

October 27, 2023

Maria Genesis 1, John 6, Life, Uncategorized , , 1 Comment

It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life. John 6:63 ESV

I took a walk yesterday, on a tree-lined sunny path. No phone, no headphones.  I wanted to notice and savor God’s fall display.  I began running through ongoing concerns, such as Mike’s job, Mom’s health, Wes’ work ‘overwhelm’ and so on.  Familiar weariness set in. But, by grace, I recognized I had a choice. So, I switched to meditating on what is praiseworthy, true and beautiful.

As I walked, I thanked God for abundant trees still mostly bedecked with green leaves, prancing dogs and their masters, and a few after-work employees released from technological tasks. Then I turned to his word.

I recalled a teaching I had listened to this morning on how God took time to celebrate his work at creation. After each project, he fully examined his handiwork, evaluated it and declared it ‘good’! And then after all was done, he dedicated a longer time, called the 7th day, to reflect and enjoy his creation.

God called the dry land Earth, and the waters that were gathered together he called Seas. And God saw that it was good. Genesis 1:10 ESV

Good or ‘tob’ in the Hebrew means: beautiful, happiness-producing, excellent, rich and valuable.  

I’m not surprised that our creator and sustainer would create a good home for us. For all of God’s works are ‘tob’.  God himself is ‘tob’ among many other qualities.

As my mind settled on our beautiful beginning, I thought of how amazing it is that God SPOKE his works fully formed into being. His ‘construction’ phase of Planet Earth 1.0 totally kitted out our earthly home in mind-boggling ways.  I felt my wonder and awe over God’s power expand.

Suddenly an intruding thought brought me back to a current situation. My light spirit began leaking God’s buoyancy. I could actually feel the change in my mood. But by grace, I recognized the not-so-subtle intrusion of Satan’s attempt to draw me away from enjoying God. I declared ‘NO!’  I crave that refreshment that comes from meditating on God.

And back to ‘life’ I fled.

The sudden contrast between temporary wearying concerns and refreshing reflections on God and his word surprised me. The 30-second swerve away, devoid of God-consciousness, and the ease in refocusing my attention back on him encouraged me. That was a first, a happy initial and successful attempt to get back on the correct road. Pleased with this easy return, I resumed thinking about what is praiseworthy, true, good, excellent and beautiful. I felt invigorated once again.

I plan to exercise and develop my God-given power to shift my thoughts.  

How do you meditate and what affect does it have on you?

October 12, 2023

Maria Fear of the Lord, Meditation, Psalm 112, Psalm 119, Uncategorized , , 1 Comment

I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. Psalm 119:15 ESV

The other day a fragment of scripture came to me, ‘he is not afraid of bad news’. That’s the kind of gal I want to become, for sure! I don’t want the dread of something that might happen gloom up my day.  Curious, I searched and found that description in Psalm 112.

When I read the entire psalm I thought, ‘there’s so much other goodness packed into this small testimony of a godly person! I don’t want to gloss over rich promises, isolating just one part.’ So, I decided to meditate on the Psalm. Slowly. A bit each day.

Here is how that practice has helped me so far, on Day 4.

With the help of my Blue Letter Bible app which opens up all the possible Hebrew, Greek or Aramaic meanings and other verses containing the term. I rewrote verse 1, for me.

First, here is an authorized translation:

Praise the LORD! Blessed is a person who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in His commandments. Psalm 112:1 NASB

When and why do I rewrite a verse? If the particular wording doesn’t connect with me, I go to the original language and attempt to find a different translation for each term, one that connects with my heart.  Seeing a word or phrase used in other contexts amplifies the possibilities and gives me a way into God’s truth.  You probably do this yourself, maybe out loud, when you pray, spring boarding off of a scripture.  I find my vision is illuminated through writing.

Here’s what I wrote on Day 1:

God, you’re amazing! How happy is the one who lives in awe of you, fascinated and drawn in every way to your BIGness, your MUCHness.  Because he magnifies you and remains mindful of who you are compared to him, he loves to read, study and think about all your words.  

Translating it into Maria’s version meant that it stayed front and center throughout the day.  There was an immediate application later that evening when I did something without thinking and hurt Mike. I had assumed he felt a certain way about a matter, because of an early event.  So, when the matter came up again, I led with my assumption.  In hindsight, I realized I should have asked him first.  Sure enough, I found out afterwards when he expressed hurt that my assumption had been incorrect.

You might say, ‘Well, that happens to all of us, don’t make such a big deal about it. You learned something useful.’ True enough, but I have gotten really good at replaying a script and beating myself up for it, creating Shame Stew.

Thanks be to the Holy Spirit, who brought to mind my version of Psalm 112:1! I quickly saw that I was meditating on the wrong matter!  Shifting my thoughts back to God brought relief. I talked to myself, saying ‘Let me magnify the Lord who is SO much bigger than any created thing or event’.  You know as well as I that no peace is to be found in ‘delighting’ in practicing worry or self-shaming.

So, that was that day.  What happened in the following days?  Each morning, I have rewritten the initial verse and then added the succeeding one.  Today I rewrote verse 4 for me.  Afterwards, I saw something even bigger than what was in the day’s words.

I realized how all the other verses hinge on this initial one, right there in the beginning. It’s a principle, a key to contentment and joy in the midst of a world that reels from one evil to the next. When focus on God and drink from his character and his wonders, both past, present and promised, we feel better. A kind of settled calm settles on us.  That NEVER happens when I rehearse possible solutions to a problem or fantasize in how bad something could get.  

Writing and rewriting have the effect of slowing me down. But you might not have that kind of time, depending on the stage of life God has you, or your present circumstances.  But you DO have enough time to take one verse each day and chew on it, roll it around in your mind, discuss it with a family member, a roommate or a friend.  You could text it to someone else and ask, ‘How does this intersect your life, right where you are this morning with all that is going on in your day?’

I remind myself, ‘Maria, you DO have the power, through the Holy Spirit to change our thoughts.’ It just takes some initial effort. We’re lazy and we have an enemy who rather distract us with something ‘pressing’. Anything to keep us from pondering eternal truths.

Can we trust our emotions?

October 2, 2023

Maria Anxiety, Fear, Genesis 4, Mark 9, Satan, Temptation, Worry , 4 Comments

As with any query, such as the one about our feelings, before we try to answer it, we need more information. Questions like ‘Why do you ask?’ come to mind or ‘Trust our emotions for what?’

If it’s wisdom for what to do in a particular situation, that’s one thing. But many Christians have been taught as a general principle NOT to let their feelings ‘drive the bus’, that is, govern or direct their lives.

Listening to a recent podcast interview by Christopher Cook with Dr. Anita Phillips, I became convinced that our emotions or feelings are important signals that represent a need we have. And just as we don’t ignore our bodies when they indicate hunger or thirst, we needn’t be afraid to explore what are probably other needs.

Consider the story of the two brothers, sons of Adam and Eve. God talks to Cain about his offering, the one NOT accepted by God:

Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why is your face gloomy? Genesis 4:6 NASB

If you look up the Hebrew term for angry, you’ll find, ‘to be furious, to burn with anger’.  Cain is not annoyed, he’s blazing mad.

Okay, so if feelings are our body’s way of communicating a need, what did Cain lack?   The clue is in the next verse:

If you do well, will you not be accepted? Genesis 4:7 ESV

God can read Cain like a book and he knows his deepest desire is to be recognized and praised as his younger brother Abel was.  I imagine he felt slighted and neglected. After all, he was the older brother. Shouldn’t he have been singled out for God’s smile?

You might push back, offering another possible scenario such as:  Maybe Cain didn’t know the type of offering that would please God. 

That’s a fair question, but don’t you think if that were the case, he might have reacted with perplexity or even asked God why his offering was rejected?

How his body reacted with fury and a scowl cause me to think he might have planned to get by with a ‘cheaper’ offering.  Maybe his desire was not to please God out of love and gratitude but to just get the praise in the least costly way.  His gloomy face tells me that he knew what God wanted and his over-the-top temper could also be fueled by shame in being found out.

But look at God’s kindness in his response.  Our Father offered him a path to the acceptance he craved. In essence God says, ‘It’s not too late.  If you offer what pleases me, I will look with favor on you and you will feel my pleasure, acceptance and love.’

Cain’s story does not end well.  But it is highly useful to us. This past weekend I have dug around, searching for the truths I could benefit from in his encounter with God. I thank Him for the podcast I listened to on the plane coming back from Europe. That plus this reading have pushed me to ponder some very negative emotions in the last several days. 

Friday, we were at La Guardia airport in NYC on our last leg of a great two weeks in Italy.  We had flown in from Milano the previous day and spent the night in a drenched city still being tossed about by heavy rains.  The following morning there was flooding and yet more rain.  As we sat at the gate, still tired from the trans-Atlantic journey, I fell into worry and fear: ‘What if our flight is cancelled or delayed or we have to spend another night in NYC?’

I had to confess over and over my doubts and pathetic faith.  ‘Forgive me, Father. Lead me not into the temptation to fear!’

The good news is that God DID get us out of NYC in time. And by mid-afternoon we pulled into our driveway in sunny Huntsville. What mercies from our God!

But I was bothered by my reaction. Since then, I’ve spent time journaling and thinking about what these strong emotions were communicating to me. What needs did they indicate?

Clearly, I needed God’s assurance of his presence and provision, no matter the circumstances.  And I now realize that Satan was whispering lies that I took as my own thoughts. ‘What if this or what if that?’ In the midst of this battle, I could not remember the invisible reality that God’s word declares, that he is our refuge amidst the storms.  I did not believe he would provide for us in our weariness.  I did not trust I would have sufficient energy to handle my disappointment as well as Mike’s were ‘the worst’ suggestion from Satan to materialize. And I condemned myself for pathetic faith.

Now, 3 days later, I realize our Father doesn’t condemn us.  He knows we are weak.  The blessing of this experience is that I am now on alert to connect strong negative emotions to needs. No, I’m not allowing my emotions to lead me. But I’m no longer going to stuff them, or bypass them.  I want to use these God-given indicators to go inward, to discover what my body, soul, spirit and mind are communicating.

And I want to recall at all times that we have a compassionate Father. Here’s a new favorite verse I’m going to pull out ‘next time’ I find myself in a dire situation:

if you can do anything (Jesus), have compassion on us and help us. Mark 9:22 ESV

What’s this ‘joy’ we’re supposed to feel?

September 14, 2023

Maria 1 Thessalonians 5, Hebrews 12, John 4, John 8, Joy, Nehemiah 8, Rejoicing 1 Comment

Rejoice always, 1 Thessalonians 5:16 NIV

….the joy of the LORD is your strength!  Nehemiah 8:10 NIV

The Bible commands us in multiple places to rejoice in God’s goodness. Wait a minute….isn’t joy a feeling?  How can someone command a feeling?  And what about Nehemiah’s flat-out declaration about the source of our joy? What do we make of that? For instance, what does ‘of’ mean?  Does it refer to joy FROM God or God’s OWN joy?

I found one clue in Hebrews 12:2:  Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. (NLT)

What do you think that future joy refers to?  Numerous possibilities likely exist about what would have made Jesus glad and supremely happy. I’ve selected two quotes from our Lord where he mentions what motivates him, that of finding pleasure in doing his father’s will.

I always do what pleases Him. John 8:29 BSB

My food (what satisfies me) is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to finish His work. John 4:34 BSB

Therefore, since we recognize that by carrying out his father’s will Jesus would bring him pleasure, we can picture our Lord anticipating his future experience of his Father’s beaming joy.  A huge celebration waited to kick off his return to the center of divine and happy glory within the trinity.

Another understanding of our Savior’s joy could be his happy and sure reality of one day very soon having us, his brothers and sisters, with him for all of time.

Keeping in mind those two possibilities of the source of the Christ’s future joy, I take Nehemiah’s words to mean the following.  In knowing that by completing the Father’s mission to redeem a people to be with him forever, Jesus endured the suffering because the end result would bring him ‘joy’.

He knew that in completing the law’s requirements to satisfy the Father’s justice (our sin being paid for plus perfect completion of the law for us) our successful journey to that other world would be guaranteed. We, the ones for whom Jesus lived and died, receive the privilege of living with the divine family forever.

So, how do I connect Jesus’ purpose-driven life and death with ‘the joy of the Lord is our strength’?

Let’s go back to Hebrews 12:1 and the first part of verse 2, right before the author talks about Jesus’ joy motivation.

Therefore, since we also have such a great cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let’s rid ourselves of every obstacle and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let’s run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking only at Jesus, the originator and perfecter of the faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (NASB)

I reason like this:  If enduring that hell of an experience for me brought Jesus joy, given his and his father’s goals and plans for us, then recalling his joy gives me enough confidence-building strength.  What do I need this strength for? Each day you and I bear suffering, our own and that of others we care for.  We need a lot of power to remain uncomplaining and cheerful in the daily trials assigned to us. Jesus’ perspective and goals and how he viewed the purpose of his own ‘staying put’ on the cross can fill us with energy we need to continue on.

How do we fill up or receive this power?  By directing our thoughts to Jesus on the cross.  This is what ‘looking only at Jesus’ means.

I find this explanation for ‘the joy of the Lord’ and ‘rejoice always’ a relief.  Because if I were to depend on my ability to rejoice, I’d feel dismayed most of the time. I don’t have it within me to FEEL joy. But remembering Jesus’ joy gives me hope, a thankful gladness and the lightness I need to carry on.

When God doesn’t remove you from painful situations

September 7, 2023

Maria John 2, Psalm 23, suffering, Uncategorized , , , 8 Comments

You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. Psalm 23:5 NLT

The Lord kept me at a school for 5 years longer than I wanted. Three months into the first semester I felt slammed by attacks on several sides: parents, students, administration.  From my point of view all were unfair and unwarranted. With more than 20 years experiences teaching French, my hurt pride reacted poorly.  I complained a lot to Mike and to God.

Summers, seeking a way out from the pressure, I tried earnestly to find other jobs. But the Lord had his reasons for making me stay put. Thus, each August, I reluctantly returned to my classroom.

But it wasn’t all misery and, by the second year, I started to see the positive. Colleagues embraced me and I started eating lunch with them each day, learning how they approached life. New outdoors adventures, such as practicing survival upside down rotations in a kayak, caused me to cling to Jesus. One year I planned and took students to Québec, witnessing their joy in using the French they had learned. I ‘bombed’ enough French classes, thus acquiring skill and gumption to pivot from ‘failure’ into something creative and effective. Although I didn’t WANT to be at this school, I acknowledge the personal and professional benefits and growth.

But not until this week, while meditating on the 23rd psalm did I understand what God might mean by verse 5 where he promises times of feasting in the presence of enemies.

More valuable than what the Lord gave me through teaching insights, field trips, caring and supportive colleagues emerged from God’s showing himself as more satisfying than pleasant circumstances. Begrudgingly, I started to learn and practice contentment in the midst of suffering.

In the attacks on my person and professionalism, I had no option but to crawl in shame and humility to Jesus’ side. And he turned out to be enough, much more. It really is true that when all you have is Jesus, he is all you need.

So, take comfort in suffering.  Next time you’re in a narrow, dark, tight spot that seems to go on and on, look for the hidden food that will enrich you like at no other time.

And this nourishment is not merely healthy and sufficient as was the manna in the wilderness. No, it’s more akin to that abundant ‘best wine’, reserved for a feast.  Jesus didn’t simply keep the flow of ordinary wedding wine going. Out of love he set up the young bridegroom to be known as a generous and welcome member of his wife’s family and the community.

May we trust our Lord to venture on with him when he leads us through unwanted dark and narrow passages where nothing good looms. Let us believe that he really is good!

Personalize scripture by rewriting it for yourself

September 2, 2023

Maria Meditation, Psalm 32 , Leave a comment

For me to meditate on scripture, I have to write it out in words I can understand. But lest you think I just make up words, I don’t.  I use the website, Blue Letter Bible.  There, I can see the Hebrew and the Greek (or Aramaic) words with their multiple shades of meaning.  Furthermore, I can check out where a term is used elsewhere in Scripture.  This app/website is rich in resources and I consult it daily.

To give you an example, here is how I personalized the following 4 verses from Psalm 32 this morning.  First, the original NIV translation:

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble

and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you. Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him. Psalm 32: 7-10 NIV

After reading the verses, I spent some time investigating the different ways certain terms have been used, and where they pop up in other verses.  Next, I addressed myself, writing advice to Maria based on what I found in this segment of the psalm, but not in the order each verse appeared.

Verse 9:  Maria, don’t be like an unruly mule who must be controlled by the rider.

Verse 8: Choose, instead, to stay aware of and close by to Jesus, as near as possible so you can hear his instructions and catch his eyes that go along with his words.

Verse 10:  Why? For your protection and security and sense of well-being. For it is FACT that steadfast love surrounds those who position themselves close to the Lord. Not only does he want you that near, he actually walks about you.  All those who trust him, he guards with that attentiveness, giving them direction. You, Maria, little sheep that you are, this includes you, for you have learned to position yourself near your Teacher.

Then from verse 9, I responded to all this good news by writing TO the Lord:

Thank you, that you walk about me. I know full well that you are my refuge in times of trouble. And as you encircle me you shout and cry out words of deliverance. I can hear your voice in my mind’s ear.

How long does this take?  Not long at all.  I probably spent a good 10 minutes this morning pulling out some riches from these verses.  My particular way of digesting them is to write what I see.  You’ll also notice that there were some verse segments I didn’t even address.  This morning, what I most needed was assurance and comfort of the Lord’s nearness.

For me, this is both fun to do and deeply satisfying. But don’t worry if you are not a writer or a journal scribbler. I can also imagine someone simply doing this out loud. No need to pick up pen and paper.  I just find it easier to process through the writing process. Whatever causes us to slow down to savor the promises, will enrich us.

How do you name or call your suffering ?

August 26, 2023

Maria Healing, Isaiah 46, Isaiah 54, suffering, Words , , , , , 2 Comments

I (God) declare the end from the beginning, and ancient times from what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and all My good pleasure I will accomplish.’ Isaiah 46:10 Berean Study Bible

I’ve been reading a book about one’s identity, recommended by Graham, And David Perceived He was King. Dale Mast, the author, reminds his readers that whoever creates has the authority to give his ‘artwork’ a name. But in the Garden, the ultimate Creator, God, delegated that responsibility to Adam. Whichever name our primogenitor chose, so it was. Deciding what each would be called was just the first step in Adam’s given work. God’s mandate to be fruitful, rule and govern this earth illustrates our Father’s intention to transfer some of his power and authority to care for his world.

In one section of the book, Mast circles back to Adam’s first task with the animals by asking his readers: What are you going to name your future? He writes,

‘There are many things and situations that God will bring in front of us, waiting to see what we will name it – and what we name it, it shall be!’

I’m not a ‘name it and claim it’ believer.  Yet, undeniably there is power in what we declare.  Through this book, God has been rearranging how I think about one of his purposes in my life.  I’ve mentioned the pain experience God has ‘gifted’ me with in the past six months.  As a data gal, I have kept track of each day’s ups and downs and treatments.  And when people have asked me how I am, I’ve briefly described the seeming ‘ongoingness’ of the pain.

But several days ago, I stopped.  I said out loud: I’m done with this.  I’m NOT going to record each day in my journal. And when people ask me how I’m feeling, I’ll simply say, ‘I’m getting better, thanks for asking.’

Privately, but with my voice so Maria can hear, I DO give thanks to Jesus for healing me.  I sense that I am to declare this truth before I see and feel the evidence of its reality. Afterall, that is what a promise taken on faith is. The Centurion believed Jesus. The prophet’s widow obeyed Elisha. Peter trusted the Savior and stepped out on the waves as though they were solid and immobile. The list goes on.

This lesson in believing and declaring what God says is something I have to learn before the next adventure he has programmed. It’s possible that Satan has wanted to disable me, in order to discourage me. Other physical afflictions over the past 12 months have been bizarre.  But as the Lord says:  No weapon that is formed against you will succeed….. Isaiah 54:17 NASB

Yes, there has been pain, but the rich teaching from God has more than compensated. I have chosen to receive all as gift. Some of his bestowing has stung me emotionally. Once he pointed out, to my shock, the ongoing stream of negative silent judgments I habitually make about people and even about God, himself. I am learning immediately to repent.

Repentance is a good thing. Wasn’t it Martin Luther who said, ‘all of life is repentance.’?

My ‘suffering’ has been minor compared to many.  But suffering is suffering. And we are not to compare our God-ordained path with others so as to minimize ours. 

A friend at church recently shared about the 3 most difficult years of her marriage. Thanks to the providential initiative of a distant cousin with whom she hardly ever communicated; this lonely wife received boatloads of God-centered encouragement.  She felt the Lord’s presence in ways she hasn’t since, ‘almost to the point where I would go through those years again, just to know God’s presence’ she mentioned.

God still calls us to ‘name’ our experiences.  What we say out loud can change us.  So, I am choosing to declare that God HAS healed me. I’m certain that in the coming weeks and months, I will find out all the nuances of this healing.

Do you do right to be so angry?

August 18, 2023

Maria Forgiveness, Genesis 4, Guilt, Sin , , , , 2 Comments

And God said to Cain, ‘Why are you fuming and feeling jealous? And why aren’t you looking at me in the face? Are you trying to avoid me or something?’ Genesis 4:6 my translation

I went to bed annoyed, ruminating on four situations that were bothering me. I woke up with them still occupying my heart.  I knew I had to verbalize them out loud to God before I sat down with him outside.  So, as I fed the cats, scooped poop and made some coffee, I told Jesus all that I was feeling and asked for his forgiveness. I laid bare all the emotions I felt that in my mind supported my self-righteous conclusions. 

As I unloaded the accumulated garbage, I stopped to dig around what lay beneath my unkind judgments. I realized that each situation had ‘played’ me to respond: “This is not right, I should not have to ______” 

Maybe that is how Cain also felt. Could shame have prompted a sense of being snubbed by God, when the Almighty showed favor to his younger brother, preferring his offering?

Maybe Cain and I are similar in that we haven’t even realized what unexamined beliefs we carry. Unaware, could this elder son have formed opinions about how to interact or operate with this God of his parents? Or like I do occasionally, could he have thought that God was like him in his assessments? 

Fortunately for us to see as encouragement for when we sin, our God doesn’t leave Cain to stew alone in his frustration. He seeks him out and probes. 

At being questioned by God, I can imagine Cain emitting a stony ‘harrumph!’  Maybe Cain is thrown off to find out that God wants to look at him in his face.  Is this the first time God has actually spoken to him? Unaffected by Cain’s cold fury, our Lord continues in the next verse, 

Genesis 4:7:If you do what is right, won’t you be able to lift your head in honor and enjoy my smile? Quickly now, for an enemy who will make you do what is wrong waits to pounce.  He salivates in his desire to devour you.  But you must exercise the upper hand and rule over him. Resist him and call out to me for help. I can cast him into the dungeon where he belongs. (my translation) 

What relief I experienced this morning as I dumped my sewage out for God to handle. I asked his pardon. Quickly granted, he carted away all the yuk. Then I prayed for renewed right thinking. As I then feasted on God’s love via his Word, I felt clean again and right with God.  

Today’s experience confirms my need daily to weed the garden in my heart. Fortunately, I have something to remind me every day. This is a picture of what I call ‘My Eden Garden’.  The African violets and other plants thrive in the spa tub built into our bathroom. The opaque window provides just the right amount of indirect sunlight.

Thank you, Lord, for providing such a beautiful reminder to cultivate only true, beautiful and good thoughts that bring you honor. Thank you that you invite me to be transparent to you and receive healing. What a kind Father you are!

Does God ordain our desires?

August 11, 2023

Maria Delight, Desire, God's Sovereignty, Psalm 104, Psalm 37, Satisfaction , , , 4 Comments

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 ESV

This principle in Psalm 37 keeps beckoning me deeper.  I’m fascinated by more possibilities of what God could be offering us.   

I think a lot of Christians are squishy or squeamish when it comes to this promise.  Perhaps they fear treating God as a genie in the bottle. Maybe they think, “If I take this seriously, I might ask the Lord for something he doesn’t want me to have.  Then I’d be disappointed. So, out of fear, they conclude: God must not really be saying what the words seem to indicate.”

But let’s consider starting from the premise that God is a good god and a happy god who loves to give his kids things to make them truly happy. We need not worry about going ‘overboard’ in asking for something inappropriate, for God has placed a condition that precedes the promise. To delight ourselves in him clearly teaches us to find our greatest happiness in the person of the Lord himself, not what he gives.

Once that condition has been met, then we can turn to two possible ways to take God’s invitation regarding desires that remain unfulfilled.

The first approach goes like this: when we find ourselves being exuberantly happy in him, he wants us to share honestly what our heart also desires because he plans to satisfy those longings. The other option is that God himself has all along sovereignly planted those deep yearnings in us, purposing to satisfy them.

And if he gives us desires, for his good purposes, then they reflect his character. They won’t be bolstering or feeding any false identities. They will be part of his long-term Kingdom plans for us and others.

But you might say, “How do I know if I sourced those desires and can trust them to be the ‘good’ kind that God would approve of, or if they truly are in me because He wired me with them?” An easy test of appropriate desires would be to filter them this way:  Do they feed my ego or not?  If God grants them to me, will I be boasting as though they evidence my greatness or will they make me want to tell everyone about the goodness and kindness of my loving Father?

The other morning the Holy Spirit brought this question to mind: “What if what I long for most in my life here on earth 1.0 actually fits his divine plan of Kingdom expansion?”

Maybe you know how much I love languages. Daily I work toward fluency in several more.  I dream of living in an environment (here in the US or elsewhere) where I can use one of these languages, other than English, throughout each day. In my book, engaging in another language is the ‘funnest’ thing I do.

This is how I have settled the issue of Psalm 37:4. I have concluded that he is the creator of my desires. If then God himself gives me desires that he sovereignly plans to satisfy, then I bet he has plans to bless others as a result of what I LOVE doing.

You open Your hand, they (all your created beings) are satisfied with good. Psalm 104:28 NASB

Could the Lord already have mapped out the fulfillment of my longing to be part of his will being done on earth? 

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