Is it a sin to express the darker emotions?

November 4, 2023

Maria Fear, John 16, Luke 22, Painful emotions, Psalm 112, Strength, Struggles, Trusting God, Truth , , , 2 Comments

“Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not My will, but Yours, be done.” Then an angel appeared to Him from heaven, strengthening Him. And being in agony, He prayed more earnestly. Then His sweat became like great drops of blood falling down to the ground. When He rose up from prayer, and had come to His disciples, He found them sleeping from sorrow. Luke 22: 42-45 NKJV

Do you ever find yourself afraid of what awaits you in the future? Potential losses or disappointments?

Or course the Bible describes in detail our Father’s good plans for us, plans to give us a land (work) fertile enough to produce what we need and to share with others. But we also know that Jesus promised suffering in this world.

I’ve occasionally shared with a close friend that it’s not MY personal suffering I dread. Rather I project or imagine the pain I would feel if one of my family members were to suffer loss.  It’s other people’s pain that I fear I can’t handle.  These disordered dreads go back to childhood patterns my parents unconsciously modeled and taught me. Only in the last couple of years have I been realizing that I might not need to fear OTHER people’s feelings. A new idea has recently helped me in this growth.

Last week, to my surprise AND my relief I found someone articulating exactly what I have lived with, this misty dread of the future. On page 179 in her recent book, The Garden Within, Anita Phillips writes:

“Sometimes we say we trust God even when we’re not sure that we do.  It can be hard to sit in the presence (of God) when you’re not sure you’re safe there.  Not trusting God is the same as being afraid of God. But it’s okay to share your fears with the Creator.  It’s okay to say that you are afraid of what might happen. That you are afraid of what God might allow.”

After I read and reread her words and let them sink in, I thought about Jesus in Gethsemane and how an angel strengthened him.

In the worst of the most unimaginable sufferings ever experienced by a man, gazing into the hell he was about to go through, the Father fortified him to bear up. Rereading the text’s timeline surprised me.  First came the angel alongside of Jesus divinely strengthening him.  THEN began the horror.  Don’t you find it strange that Jesus endures ‘agony’ to the point of excreting bloody sweat at THIS point, and not on the cross? 

Could it be that God gives us space to imagine the worst?  To feel the future sadness that loss might bring?  I think so.

But as believers, we are left alone in our suffering or even our thoughts of potential, future suffering. God has placed within us something better than an angel, himself as permanent Comforter and Provisioner.

Therefore, I don’t need to fear deep emotions like grief, whether mine or someone else’s.

I should know this because, even if for a few moments, when I let Mike in on what I am going through or what hurts, I feel better.  Patience and genuine empathy radiate from him.  If a fellow human being can bring relief by just sitting with us in it, surely God does that even more.

With Jesus as our model, you and I should feel relief in knowing that God welcomes ALL of our emotions. No need to stuff them or bear them alone. Nor is it a sin to get angry or to fear the scary. The sinless Savior freely expressed joy, love, satisfaction, disappointment, unmet longings, anger, grief, hurt, depression and fear. And he practiced what he taught. Look at how he ‘gets up’ after wrestling with God in prayer. With a peace-filled settled heart, he turns to give a hand to his disciples who are exhausted by all that is happening. We, too, can experience peace each time we return to the Lord.

My takeaway after meditating a while on all this, is that you and I can ‘approach the throne of grace’. When we turn back to Jesus and get real with him, that is when we confess or ‘truth tell’ as Jamie Winship calls it, we receive his consoling fortification via the ComFORTer.

Since he has given us his promises to soak in, I take them to heart. The most reassuring and perfect one in this week’s experience has been from Psalm 112: 1, 7 (NIV):

…..blessed are those who fear the Lord, who find great delight in his commands…….. They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.

Yes, we are promised sorrow, but listen to Jesus’ assurance to you and to me:

I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. John 16:33 NLT

How do you meditate and what affect does it have on you?

October 12, 2023

Maria Fear of the Lord, Meditation, Psalm 112, Psalm 119, Uncategorized , , 1 Comment

I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways. Psalm 119:15 ESV

The other day a fragment of scripture came to me, ‘he is not afraid of bad news’. That’s the kind of gal I want to become, for sure! I don’t want the dread of something that might happen gloom up my day.  Curious, I searched and found that description in Psalm 112.

When I read the entire psalm I thought, ‘there’s so much other goodness packed into this small testimony of a godly person! I don’t want to gloss over rich promises, isolating just one part.’ So, I decided to meditate on the Psalm. Slowly. A bit each day.

Here is how that practice has helped me so far, on Day 4.

With the help of my Blue Letter Bible app which opens up all the possible Hebrew, Greek or Aramaic meanings and other verses containing the term. I rewrote verse 1, for me.

First, here is an authorized translation:

Praise the LORD! Blessed is a person who fears the LORD, who greatly delights in His commandments. Psalm 112:1 NASB

When and why do I rewrite a verse? If the particular wording doesn’t connect with me, I go to the original language and attempt to find a different translation for each term, one that connects with my heart.  Seeing a word or phrase used in other contexts amplifies the possibilities and gives me a way into God’s truth.  You probably do this yourself, maybe out loud, when you pray, spring boarding off of a scripture.  I find my vision is illuminated through writing.

Here’s what I wrote on Day 1:

God, you’re amazing! How happy is the one who lives in awe of you, fascinated and drawn in every way to your BIGness, your MUCHness.  Because he magnifies you and remains mindful of who you are compared to him, he loves to read, study and think about all your words.  

Translating it into Maria’s version meant that it stayed front and center throughout the day.  There was an immediate application later that evening when I did something without thinking and hurt Mike. I had assumed he felt a certain way about a matter, because of an early event.  So, when the matter came up again, I led with my assumption.  In hindsight, I realized I should have asked him first.  Sure enough, I found out afterwards when he expressed hurt that my assumption had been incorrect.

You might say, ‘Well, that happens to all of us, don’t make such a big deal about it. You learned something useful.’ True enough, but I have gotten really good at replaying a script and beating myself up for it, creating Shame Stew.

Thanks be to the Holy Spirit, who brought to mind my version of Psalm 112:1! I quickly saw that I was meditating on the wrong matter!  Shifting my thoughts back to God brought relief. I talked to myself, saying ‘Let me magnify the Lord who is SO much bigger than any created thing or event’.  You know as well as I that no peace is to be found in ‘delighting’ in practicing worry or self-shaming.

So, that was that day.  What happened in the following days?  Each morning, I have rewritten the initial verse and then added the succeeding one.  Today I rewrote verse 4 for me.  Afterwards, I saw something even bigger than what was in the day’s words.

I realized how all the other verses hinge on this initial one, right there in the beginning. It’s a principle, a key to contentment and joy in the midst of a world that reels from one evil to the next. When focus on God and drink from his character and his wonders, both past, present and promised, we feel better. A kind of settled calm settles on us.  That NEVER happens when I rehearse possible solutions to a problem or fantasize in how bad something could get.  

Writing and rewriting have the effect of slowing me down. But you might not have that kind of time, depending on the stage of life God has you, or your present circumstances.  But you DO have enough time to take one verse each day and chew on it, roll it around in your mind, discuss it with a family member, a roommate or a friend.  You could text it to someone else and ask, ‘How does this intersect your life, right where you are this morning with all that is going on in your day?’

I remind myself, ‘Maria, you DO have the power, through the Holy Spirit to change our thoughts.’ It just takes some initial effort. We’re lazy and we have an enemy who rather distract us with something ‘pressing’. Anything to keep us from pondering eternal truths.

Another tool to fight fear

November 10, 2022

Maria 1 Peter 5, Fear, Psalm 112, Trusting God, Worry 2 Comments

Humble yourself……casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7 ESV

My mom used to say, “Maria, most things we worry about never come to pass!”

I know Mom believed that, yet she still struggled with fear and worry. As do I.

If we Christians look simply at the low probability of our fears coming to pass and don’t find peace in statistics, then surely with God’s presence, character and promises we will be free from anxiety. One would think. But I don’t think that is the case for most of us.

Sunday, at church Katie shared something that is helping her to let go of worry and fear. One of our pastors’ wives mentioned it in a Bible study and Katie has passed this nugget of freedom onto me.

“Worry is assuming the worst outcome.”

I have been turning that thought over and over in my mind since Katie blessed me with this definition. Notice she did not use the verb to ‘imagine’ the terrible.  To assume is a much stronger action. It’s to take as true, as real, as FACT, even.

I am beginning to notice just how often fear thoughts drop into my mind.  Maybe that’s normal for all humankind. What troubles me is the ease with which I accept those projections as true and start to worry.

After my week with Anne in El Paso, I am consciously practicing catching myself each time this happens. And I am learning to respond with:  I reject you, Fear!

These depressing visions of the future spring from my imagination. An imagination I have trained to assume the worst outcome.

But rational thinking would pause and ask:

  • What is the statistical probability that this is happen? Telling the truth helps.
  • And if ‘it’ DID come to pass, what would be the implication? Would it really be that awful? Habakkuk faced the possible reality of food scarcity and forecast his reaction in this worst-case scenario.

The Holy Spirit is helping me move toward freedom from fear IN Christ. For example, this morning, the verses below popped into my Prayermate feed.

The righteous…..they do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the LORD to care for them. Psalm 112:6-7 NLT

I wrote this in my journal:

“When bad news comes or a major problem arises, instead of assuming the worst outcome, I choose from this day forward to assume a God-directed good outcome.”

The situation or the problem might have a harmful effect, but I am daring to opt for believing God when He says that His grace will be sufficient and that He is working ALL circumstances for long-term good for those who love God and whom He has called.

Although I am 65, it is NOT too late to change my modus operandi. For far too long I have kept myself in that waterless pit of fear that Bunyan referred to as the Castle of Giant Despair.

Does God’s grace prevent suffering?

October 21, 2021

Maria Future Grace, Grace, Judgment, Psalm 112 , , , 3 Comments

Psalm 112: 6 – 8 …the righteous will never be moved……he is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady;he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.

One Christian sister received the good news of a recovered wallet. Another learned that her 83-year-old mom had been severely beaten by a man who broke into her house.

I paused when I read the second account in our church’s Facebook women’s group. What do I make of that?  How do I make sense of the gift of grace to one and the frightening violence done to the other’s elderly mother?  I put myself in the place of both gals, the relief of one and the horrifying shock of the other.

This is difficult for believers, let alone those with no or other spiritual beliefs. But I’m not addressing what non-Christians might think in this post.  I do know that everyone tries to make sense of evil and violence. Only Christians have a coherent framework, thanks to the one and only Living God. We don’t purport to understand everything God does, but we do know his character and his will for the world. And we have his promises.

This morning’s psalm brought back the two situations and gave me some help.   That little word ‘until’ implies waiting, a time lapse.  Evil happens to the righteous as well as the unrighteous.  King Ahab’s wife Jezebel not only stole Naboth’s rightful portion allotted him by the Lord, she organized trumped-up lies against this righteous man of God and murder by stoning. All because her sulking husband couldn’t convince Naboth to sell him his garden.

When did Naboth and his family receive justice?  It is yet to occur.  When Ahab and Jezebel face the judge of the universe, they will pay.

Back to beating up an aging mom, what about her and her vindication?  When will that perpetrator pay?  Either Jesus has already suffered for the guilty man if he turns to Christ before he dies, or he will be punished when Jesus comes again. 

Either way, that word ‘until’ still prevails. 

I don’t know why the Lord treated one gal so gently and the other so painfully.  I DO know that He is good and his ways are not our ways.  I have to keep my mouth shut and trust Him.

When fear is unreasonable

July 29, 2019

Maria Discouragement, Fear, Fear of the Lord, Hebrews 2, Job 2, Psalm 112, Psalm 33, Satan , , Leave a comment

“It is sheer unreasonableness for men created by a loving God and redeemed by a loving Savior to fear any man or anything that may happen.“ Richard Wurmbrand

What do you fear? What scares you?

I fear harm to my children and my grandchildren.  Thinking about my death or that of my husband doesn’t weigh heavy on me. I think the idea of my kids and their families suffering loss or injury is more about the imagined pain to ME.  When I love someone like I love my boys and their wives, then THEIR pain is my pain.  I bet you can identify. Haven’t we all said, ‘I wish I were the one sick or suffering and not YOU!’  I think it’s because we feel helpless to relieve the pain of the other person. Maybe that helplessness hurts more than what we think is their pain.

Scripture talks about how Satan has us chained by all kinds fear as well as fear of death:

Since the children have flesh and blood, he [Jesus] too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death—that is, the devil— and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death. Heb 2:14-15

Rereading this scriptural truth makes me think if perhaps ALL my fears are actually a product of Satan’s subtle suggestions and running commentary to the 24/7 information stream we take in.  Worldwide info-tainment feeds our dramatic and sometimes perverse interest in learning about the disasters others undergo.

And when we take in all this bad news (without remembering God who is sovereign), we are more susceptible to lose our confidence in Him. One byproduct of Satan’s fear mongering is discouragement. Last week, it occurred to me that one reason I find the Christian life SO hard is because of the Devil.  He is EVIL and he has a whole army of spirits at his beck and call whom he dispatches for his deadly work.  His goal?  To kill Christians, frighten and silence them or at the least render us ineffective and discouraged. But we are God’s greatly loved and redeemed children!  We mustn’t forget.

You don’t believe our anxiety and heavy hearts might be the work of the devil?  Tell me then, why do we forget God’s truths over night?  Why do we have to read His promises each day, building back and restoring our faith to yesterday’s level of restful reliance on Him. Why is that?  Wouldn’t you think we’d remember?  I mean, I don’t forget recipes that I make frequently.  I don’t forget my French and other languages I have.  But I forget how good our God is.  I forget that He has given me a stunning cosmic identity and eternal purpose through Christ who redeemed me.

What else is all this daily discouragement but the death of certainty?

Even though discouragement creeps in daily, recognizing who is at the source of my negative fearful feelings helps me a lot.

Knowing that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with ME is a relief.  Just living aware that Satan’s tactical goal is to get me to disbelieve my good Father EACH and EVERY moment increases my resolve to believe God and His Word all the more.

Drawing these thoughts to a close, if we are not to fear death or harm, is there anything we SHOULD fear? For as Richard Wurmbrand from Voice of the Martyrs commented, it is unreasonable to fear any created being or situation, whether Satan or man. Yes, there is One whom we are to fear.  We are commanded and commended to respect, be in awe of, to exercise a holy, righteous fear of the Lord.  Him alone.  This fear won’t send us cowering. This fear purifies and strengthens us.

Psalm 33:8

Let all the earth fear the LORD; Let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of Him.

Job 4:6 Is not your fear of God your confidence?

Psalm 112:1 Praise the LORD! How blessed is the man who fears the LORD, Who greatly delights in His commandments.

A writer for Christianity Today puts fearing God into a helpful context:

Unfortunately, many of us presume that the world is the ultimate threat and that God’s function is to offset it. How different this is from the biblical position that God is far scarier than the world …. When we assume that the world is the ultimate threat, we give it unwarranted power, for in truth, the world’s threats are temporary. When we expect God to balance the stress of the world, we reduce him to the world’s equal …. As I walk with the Lord, I discover that God poses an ominous threat to my ego, but not to me. He rescues me from my delusions, so he may reveal the truth that sets me free. He casts me down, only to lift me up again. He sits in judgment of my sin, but forgives me nevertheless. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, but love from the Lord is its completion.