The danger of freedom

March 29, 2015

Maria Forgiveness, Freedom, Psalm 1, Psalm 119, Psalm 16, Spiritual Warfare , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I’m learning to think through what I hear in sermons and what I read.  When God wants to impress a truth on me, He tends to funnel the same message through multiple media.  The lesson last week that perked down into my resistant sinful pattern of thinking was: It’s not about me!

Before you scoff at how obvious that message is, let me assure you that it is VERY counter-cultural.  As pastor John Piper teaches, our society has been saturated with the mantra of the importance of Self-Esteem.  And you know as well as I, that a lie repeated oft enough takes on the weightiness and respectability of Truth.

self esteem

We slavishly work to think well of ourselves or gather praise from others.  That need becomes more than something nice to have.  It becomes our master, our God, and we its slave.

The other day, though, I was given a new thought.  I was feeling ‘sick of myself’ – just tired of thinking about me, what I eat, what my body feels like, how I’m doing with that perpetual thorn, how it’s the lens through which I view the world, the regulator that governs how much positive energy and interest I give to others.  Gradually, a life-altering truth took on substance:

  • It’s not about me.
  • It doesn’t have to be about me.
  • I don’t HAVE to even think about me.
  • Thinking about me doesn’t bring me any joy or energy.
  • I can actually be freed from thinking about me.
  • In point of fact, it’s about Him.  I exist, the birds sing, the trees sway, the oceans roar, the stars glisten, all of us alive to make much of God!

I had gone to bed the previous night with such new inklings swirling about in my head.  And when I awoke and greeted the gravel road for my morning walk and conversation with God, I started to think about me, as ‘per usual’.  But suddenly, the fragrance of freedom tickled my nose and I looked up at the stars and said:  I don’t HAVE to think about me today.  I’m FREE!!!

Well, if I’m not pondering me or my problems, then what am I thinking about when not occupied with teaching or conversing with someone or reading?  In all those interior, unencumbered moments, I get to mull over what makes our God so great.  And in fact, the Bible promises that far MORE joy, TRUE joy comes from those God-truths than any introspection.

  • Psalm 1:2  (How happy is the one who….) delights in the teachings of the LORD and reflects on his teachings day and night.
  • Psalm 119:97  Oh, how I love your instructions! I think about them all day long

There’s also that statement of fact in verse 11 of  Psalm 16 – In your presence is fullness of joy….. I don’t think the psalmist is referring just to when we are in heaven with Jesus.  We are present with Him in a conscious way when we are thinking of Him. Therefore, joy comes from shifting the focus of my waking mind off of ME and onto God.

All day long, I felt like a little child, giddy with delight over a secret treasure.  I would stop and reflect, “Why do I feel so happy?” and then all of a sudden, the truth would flood back. “That’s it!  I don’t have to think about me!  I’m free!!”

ball and chain

Do you want to know what happened that night?  I risked sharing this oh-so-tenuous feeling of potential permanent freedom with Mike.  He got it, what I was feeling.  All was well. We were enjoying some close moments of joy that come from sharing truth about God.

We sat down to our treat of dinner on trays and another episode of Agatha Christie’s famous Belgian detective, Hercule Poirot. At the conclusion of both, a tiff flared up ‘out of nowhere’ that isolated us one from the other. Mike headed down to the smoking cave in withdrawn silence and I mulled over delaying a grace-filled loving response to his probable text apologizing for his anger. “I want him to know how it feels to be the recipient of his chill!” I selfishly thought.

I sat down to read the paper and sure enough within 10 minutes, ‘ping!’, the apology popped up.  But his words changed my feelings.  He wrote: “I don’t know what came over me!  These feelings came out of nowhere!  I’m confused and hurt!’

Suddenly, I knew.  It was spiritual attack.  I immediately closed ranks with my husband.  Fingers flew furiously as I consoled him that none of this was about us, but about a new God-truth, that promise of freedom he and I had rejoiced over.  Satan does NOT want us to trust God.  He works to thwart that glorious Freedom from Self.  This enemy of God also wants to disrupt and destroy married couples.

With that life-restoring revelation from God, our conversation whipped back and forth as we discussed this dark assault.  We moved closer together but weren’t quite restored.  More conversation by email brought light and by our evening reunion, we were back on the same side, glad to be reunited.  But we were more aware of the need to remain one with each other, with God at our back, our side and in front.  He is our sure refuge in times of trouble AND in times of blessing.  Blessings can be dangerous, too, if we are not aware of our vulnerability.

PS:  It’s been 4 days and that freedom from self IS authentic and available anytime I want to let go of the boring!

The twin evils of smugness and envy

March 1, 2015

Maria 2 Peter, Envy, Freedom, Galatians, Humility, John, Micah, Repentance , , , , 1 Comment

I was feeling smug. Admiring my ability to juggle this and that. Compared to others.  Evaluating myself next to another sister. He pulled me up short. As realization of sin spread, so did horror.

Juggling life

“I repent, Lord! Forgive me! I see! Truly! I humble myself. You don’t need to do anything else to get my attention. Seriously!”

 

For what had flashed across my consciousness about God was this:

“You, the all-wise and infinitely good God, have perfectly arranged this fellow Christian’s plate with the appropriate palate of weaknesses, strengths, characteristics, bents, abilities, talents, habits (good and bad), circumstances, and experiences all intended for her to grow in the knowledge and love of your Son. Every piece on that plate of hers is necessary to her sanctification and growth in holiness. You planned each one, the good and the ugly!”

And You have done the same for me. Who am I to boast about this or that as though they were due to my efforts and smarts? All along You are the one who has traced out our paths? And more pointedly, who am I to complain about the potholes in the road if they are according to Your will?

“Father, I see that this constant comparing of me with others produce either envy or pride and both are evil! Deliver me from these sins, please! Pride says: Look at me!  Envy says: You are a bad God not to give me what I want/deserve!”

Since that day a week ago, He has continued to show me that He does indeed ordain and govern all circumstances. Because He is in charge of every molecule in the universe I can trust what He commands me to do:

“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6-8

Not evaluating, not judging the circumstances of others is wise. That’s God’s business. Do you remember Peter’s comment to Jesus as told by John after Jesus appeared to his eleven disciples post resurrection?

“So Peter seeing him (John) said to Jesus, “Lord, and what about this man? Jesus said to him, ‘If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me!’” John 21:21-22

Several times a day as my smug-o-meter rises, (that is – when I awake to this sin), I put myself back in my place. I say to myself:

“Maria, you have died! And the life you now live, you live by faith in Jesus. (Gal 2:20) That is to say – you move and live and have your being attached to Him. If there be any good in your life, it is only good because of Him. So give it up, this thinking that there is something good in or about you alone!”

That truth not only humbles me, but it liberates me. Since all that is good in me through faith is a gift, I don’t have to worry about earning it. And since Jesus has given me the most costly gift, Himself, I can trust Him to give me any and all such that He deems good for me for godliness and life (2 Peter 1:3)

PS:  When I caught myself later on in the week doing my ‘I’m-so-good dance’, I realized that God was showing me a specific way to PRAY for this fellow Christian.  Again, I repented.  We are all different, intentionally.  He has arranged each of us in the Body of Christ as He sees fit.  Therefore, we are to encourage and pray for one another. It’s in our best interests, after all.  Another gentle smack-down!

The Christian, freedom and failures

December 7, 2014

Maria 1 Corinthians, 1 Peter, Doubt, Faith, Freedom, God's Sovereignty, Idols, Law, Obedience, Prayer, Promises, Romans, Soul growth, Worries , , , , , , 4 Comments

My school is one of those progressive institutions.  As such, they have embraced the concept of Failure as something positive.  Picking and choosing practices from other educational models throughout the country, our school leaders have sought to implement a healthier ethos.  The rehabilitation of Failure is part of current changes. Apparently, girls have historically viewed Failure as the dreaded ‘F Word‘.

But thanks to Tavis Smiley, talk show host and author of a 2011 book on learning from mistakes, a way to assess flops has reached even our grade-school girls.

Fail up

Teachers at my school tweaked Smiley’s catchy phrase: ‘Fail Up! to create the moniker ‘Fail Forward‘ as a way to encourage our students NOT to be discouraged when at first they don’t succeed. After a few months of hearing their teachers preach the benefits of failing forward (aka, learning from one’s mistakes) this phrase now quite easily rolls off the tongues of our grade-school girls.

That entire preamble to set the stage for my recent failure to stick to a decision I had made for the 5th? time in my life and announced to those who read this blog.  I had resolved NOT to feed the idol/slave driver of the bathroom scale.  I carried through for 5 weeks, feeling ‘free’, once I broke my morning habit.  And for a while I thoroughly enjoyed NOT having my status beat me up at ‘0 dark30‘ each new day!

Then one morning, suspecting that I was gaining weight, I stepped on the scale. Did I talk first to God or even reason through the possible consequences?  Didn’t even cross my mind!

To my dismay, I found that in 5 weeks I had added more Maria to the planet!

Spiritual warfare broke out with an explosive roar as God allowed my trust in His goodness to be evaluated.   The test (….ultimately designed to strengthen my faith) boiled down to this:

  • Was I going to employ my only offensive weapon (God’s Word of Truth), specifically His promise that I had been meditating on and ‘preaching’ to my husband?

1 Peter 5:7 – Cast all your anxieties on Him, for He cares for you

Sword fight

 

 

 

Did I really believe that even THIS problem/burden was something He could and would take care of for me, if I heaved it into His lap and left it there?  The torturing dilemma was this:

  • What am I going to do, now that I’m gaining weight?
  • Yet I also desire NOT to be enslaved to the scale!
  • How am I going to eat?
  • How am I supposed to think about food, my body, the scale and ALL that?

I wrestled with my unbelief, confessing and repenting multiple times as my mind darted back to THE BURDEN.

But God…..(wonderful, life-giving words of hope) gently through a persistent hint of possible resolution and peace, brought to mind a plan to cut back just a little each day.  And to weigh ONCE a week to verify if this change might work. I would reassess WITH Him once enough weeks had gone by.

Furthermore, through listening to the quadriplegic Joni Eareckson Tada’s reflections on thanking God in the midst of her pain and severe limitations, I was reminded to thank my heavenly Father for strong legs, health and a clear mind.

I immediately wrote out a prayer asking God to give me both the desire AND the strength to follow through, in total reliance on Him.  That was a week ago.

The battle has been fierce at times, revolving around the fundamental issue of trust and gratitude.   At times I’ve entertained the idea of just hopping on that ‘evaluator’ THIS morning.  After all, the temptation is not to do something morally wrong or explicitly condemned in the Bible.

But God…..at those moments has sovereignly and lovingly directed a devotional or segment of His Word to address:

  • my lack of belief in His promises
  • my disobedience
  • and the sin of doing something NOT for the glory of God

(1 Cor 10:31 So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God)

Yesterday was Saturday – my first ‘weigh-in day’ since this battle broke out again.

Drum roll

I was down 2 tenths of one pound.  (thank you, Lord, for this evidence of your grace).

To encourage me, I also ‘stumbled‘ upon my new favorite verse: 1 Corinthians 6:12

The French wording of this verse feels more personal and is easy for me to grasp, so I’ll quote you that, together with the direct translation of those words:

This is the Apostle Paul reminding us, his Christian sisters and brothers, of the freedom we have in union with Christ:

  • Tout m’est permis.  Everything is permitted me
  • Certes, mais tout n’est pas bon pour moi. For sure, but everything is not good for me.
  • Tout m’est permis, c’est vrai.  Everything is permitted me, that’s true.
  • Mais, je ne veux pas me placer sous un esclavage quelconque.  But I don’t want to put myself under any version of slavery!

Whether my past two weeks is an example of ‘failing forward’ as my school sees it, I know one thing for sure! (Certes!):

  • for Christians, God promises to work ALL things together for our good, as part of His plan and purpose to conform us to be like our older Brother, Jesus.

 

Thanking God for this Present Futility

November 9, 2014

Maria Freedom, God's Sovereignty, Hope, Matthew, Romans, suffering, Time , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Futility

 

 

 

I was set free – again – the other day when I heard someone reading from Romans 8.  Verses 20 & 21 caught my attention.  The Amplified Bible with its extra explanatory words in black translates the Greek like this:

  • 20 For the creation (nature) was subjected to frailty (to futility, condemned to frustration), not because of some intentional fault on its part, but by the will of Him Who so subjected it—[yet] with the hope (expectation) 
  • 21 That nature (creation) itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and corruption [and gain an entrance] into the glorious freedom of God’s children.

Since the Fall and man’s first rebellion, frustration and futility and struggle (all known as ‘suffering’) have been built into our universe. Reality is that we live in a broken world that won’t be ‘fixed’ until Jesus comes back.   Furthermore, God informs us that we humans and nature will get worse, not better. When Jesus is plied for the details about the ‘end of the age‘, He responds in Matthew 24:12 with…

  •  because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold

Why don’t I live as though I believe the fact of brokenness and imperfection?   Why do I still wake up each morning thinking that the ideal is possible if I work and pray ‘hard enough’?  When it comes to agreeing with God about my sin problem or nature, I don’t balk at His assessment.  Nevertheless,  I display blindness to God’s description of the world as long as I cling to false expectations and unrealistic hopes in

  • my job
  • my body
  • my marriage
  • my relationships with friends and other family members
  • my government
  • my church

God helped me this week think through a series of propositions leading to a new perspective about work:

1. If God has woven frustration and futility into the very fabric of our world until Jesus comes back, then I can let go of my expectation of finding THE ideal job.  And IT won’t exist until He creates the new heavens and the new earth.

2. Released from the false expectation that I can find and land the ideal job,  I am liberated to seek my ultimate joy in God, not in all-satisfying work.

3. If work doesn’t have to satisfy those deep needs meant only for God to meet, then I can view my job as a place to sprinkle grace by listening to others and encouraging them.  I can meet frustrations with calm since I don’t have to see them as blocking my ultimate joy or satisfaction.  These realities help me to relax and accept that no job will provide what I’m seeking to the degree that I’m seeking it.

4. Most liberating, if frustration and futility are ordained, then I can stop hiding, and instead SHOW my cracks and inconsistencies without fear.

  • Phil 1:29 – For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him.

5. Being willing to reveal my broken self and how much I need Jesus’ saving and sustaining power brings glory to God.

6. My neediness and unashamed transparency give hope to others that God might be willing to accept/heal/support/love them.  Were I to persist in the myth of ‘Maria’s Competency‘, how would that help anyone?

Being Real

 

 

 

 

The final relief-bringing thought for me this week was a view of heaven that sprang to mind, that is MY version of heaven.  (No, it’s not one where I can eat dark chocolate without guilt!)

David Zahl, an evangelical Episcopal priest, wrote something for Mockingbird (Blog is here) like, ‘Life is not about passing test after test; you already have the A, the 10/10’.

That got me thinking.  If I knew I had already been accepted into the graduate school of my choice to follow my ideal course of study, I would be ecstatic.  And until I departed for this school, I would relax and enjoy life and fulfill my responsibilities and be fully present without all the anxiety of measuring up, or making it happen or…or..or…..

Kingdom of God is here

Well, those in Christ already have THE ‘A’.  The Kingdom of God HAS commenced.  Eternal life for the children of God IS a current reality.  But all those ideal situations AWAIT us.   They are not meant for this world, but for the next. So let us REST and not fret over the reality of this present futility.  Frustration is the NORM in a broken world.

Here’s a blog about those who give up the quest for perfect

 

Tents, grime and life – all are temporary

October 19, 2014

Maria 2 Peter, Control, Fear, Freedom, Grace, Idols, Joy, Sin, Uncategorized , , , , , 2 Comments

I think a lot about sin each time I get into the shower.

The original whiteness of the grout between the tiles has turned yellow or gray.

Grimy tiles

Our house is 3 years old and already shows wear.  I take a scrubby sponge and rub hard, leaving the narrow 2 inches of grout a bit brighter.  But it doesn’t last. And that’s only ONE spot.  Other pencil lines mock me.  There’s no way to clean it all up and make it last.

Just like the sin in my life.  There’s more sin than I can possibly eliminate. Not that I was ever sinless.  I know that this parallel, comparing my life to household dirt, breaks down in the very fact that NEVER are humans pristine, even as newborns. Especially not as a newborn, as any set of young parents affirm.

So do you know what I conclude, every morning in the shower?  That there’s no point getting worked up over how the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics affects my house. (Think: entropy, running down, getting dirtier, wearing out…….)

And if my mountain cabin which once LOOKED perfect isn’t going to last, then neither is my body. We are born to die.  It’s pure illusionary to think as a baby grows and develops that he is getting better and that his upward trajectory will continue.  But try convincing a teen or young adult of THAT truth!

As ‘wiser adults’ we should apply some of these life lessons to ourselves.  Instead of fighting the inevitable by combing our hair to mask baldness or spending money on face lifts or indulging in any of the fountain-of-youth-like gimmicks, let’s accept the reality of the average life span ordained by God.

Cosmetic Surgery

Here’s how embracing this time limit can actually liberate us.  Take Peter, for example, that bold and outspoken disciple and later church leader. In his second letter, he announces to the church that he is not going to be around much longer.

I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. 2 Peter 1:13-14

What struck me when I read his words was how much stupid energy I invest in ANGSTing over my body, my tent.  Tents are not meant to last long; no one views them as permanent structures.

Have you ever witnessed someone decorating their tent? or worrying because it was stretched a bit too much here, or missing a grommet there or ripped on the edges on this side? That would be silly!

Peter’s acknowledgement that his very real flesh and blood would soon cease to function, his declaration that HE, PETER, was living IN a tent, that is a temporary shelter, struck a chord with me. In which way? First….

  • that he was separate from his body

And second….

  • that his body was not going to last

Too often I think:  “I am my body!”  which means, if my body is lean (per the scales), I feel good and all is right with the world.

Scales in bathroom

But when I step on the scales and see that the number shows a gain of even  .2 or .8 lbs, I LET a symbol kill my joy.

 

 

So it was a gift, when a glimmer of light pierced my prison cell on Saturday.  I was reading Peter’s encouragement to his people when I came across his description of the ‘tent’ that he was using temporarily.  A freeing question scattered the gloom, “Why spend so much emotional energy and time beating myself up over something that is soon to be replaced?”

So yesterday, I did not step on to that ‘daily determiner of my mood’.  Nor did I today, although it was a real fight.  I craved confirmation that I was good/okay, that I was “…..’better’ than the average bear!”

Yogi Bear

This is not NEWS to me – my attempt to save, prove or justify myself.  In fact I have been praying for over a year, that I would step OFF of the ‘measurement’ treadmill and step INTO the light of grace.  I obviously still struggle with that perverse streak in me.  That’s the one that is in all of us – causing us to want to earn our ‘okayness’.

 

 

But given this insight about tents and the folly of investing much energy in one’s temporary shelter, I am hopeful that I may soon be free of this way of thinking. After all, God himself declares that NOTHING is impossible with God.

So pray with me, dear sisters and brothers in Christ – May we find our safety and REST in God’s delight and purpose for us.  May we not get deceived into pursuing our own ‘okayness’, when we already have been gifted with God’s approval and love.

Tent with a hole

Question: in what way are you a prisoner to measuring yourself?

 

 

What anxiety reveals about me and you

September 28, 2014

Maria Contentment, Covetousness, Faith, Forgiveness, Freedom, Idols, Peace, Soul growth, Worries , , , , , , 2 Comments

I realized during a busy period last week that my happiness was not based on Christ alone, but on ‘Christ Plus_____(fill in the blank)’

Christ Plus

That’s not something fun to admit.  But the realization came to me on Thursday, my grocery-shopping day, when I was feeling SCATTERED by all the tasks and details left unfinished at school.   There’s a lot of new tech at school this year and I’ve gained another class to prep to boot.  The workshop I had suggested presenting was staring me in the face with fewer than 40 hours to go and there just didn’t seem to be enough time.  You know the feeling!

But because God had sovereignly brought a blog essay across my path the week before, I was able to recognize and call out my sin for what it was – idolatry!  Just acknowledging that my anxiety in the form of feeling scattered and being bothered meant that I was living according to a formula for happiness rebuked by Jesus was enough to save me in the moment.

Here’s what I realized:  I have made my happiness and peace of mind dependent on getting through my daily agenda, that is

 ….getting stuff done!

To Do List

 

 

Guess what?  All it takes to disturb my happiness is to interfere with my ability to get stuff done.  That’s a pretty precarious position to be in since it means I have basically handed over to the vicissitudes of life the power to block my contentment and peace.

My husband often points out that:

  • unmet expectations are the source of frustration, disappointment and anger

I should know better about all this.  After all, I’ve listened to enough sermons by Pastor Tullian Tchividjean to know and explain his thesis about justification.  His main message is that we don’t have to do ANYthing to secure our justification (salvation) or identity since Jesus provides both.  But I had missed the corollary that Jesus also is the only/alone source of our happiness and contentment. Our formula for true happiness is to have Jesus, aka ‘to be had’ by Jesus.  And anyone who is ‘in Christ’, that is anyone who has given up his ability to help and save himself and who has handed over to Jesus the right to run his life autonomously is ‘in Christ’.

Here is the coolest thing. Once I SAW my sin and asked for forgiveness from Jesus, I felt light!  I was able to do my shopping and interact with the employees that I see every Thursday.  Because I wasn’t fuming about my day, I could focus on them and show interest in how their day was going.  And the more I meditated on this reality, I also was able to hand over all the stuff I needed to do and to realize that THAT LIST had nothing to do with my ultimate happiness.

By the way, the workshop on Saturday proceeded just fine.  The participants enjoyed it and were engaged in discussing God’s command to be free from covetousness and how He helps His flock to find true and lasting contentment.  All went off without a hitch, thanks to God working through the prayers of many of you!

If you’d like to read the blog post that set me to thinking freshly about true happiness, here’s the link

 

 

When measuring is a snare

June 8, 2014

Maria Forgiveness, Freedom, Gospel, Grace, Law, Life, Romans , , , , , , 2 Comments

Get out of jail free

Romans 6:14 uses words to describe our ‘freedom’ card.

The first translation is from the NIV and the second is the Message

 

 

  • For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.
  • Sin can’t tell you how to live. After all, you’re not living under that old tyranny any longer. You’re living in the freedom of God.

I’m reading a book that Graham gave me for Mothers’ Day.   Here’s the link  –  Punch Fear in the Face – Start

Jon Acuff Bk Punch Fear...
One of the author’s premises is that people have these internal voices that authoritatively talk to us in messages that are anything but positive.  And…(here is the kicker)..we BELIEVE them!  They are particularly active anytime we entertain a new direction like:

 

 

  • start an exercise program
  • go back to school
  • research a possible business idea
  • ask for a raise
  • confront another person who has hurt us
  • stop a bad habit
  • ask someone out for a date
  • audition for a part
  • apply for a job
  • dust off a dream
  • change churches

His remedy is to articulate out loud what the voices say, think about the message in the light of day and speak truth back to them, thereby quenching their power……for the time being. I actually had the courage, yesterday, to do just that and it was liberating. woman in the shower       I don’t like washing my hair because it means staying in the shower longer than normal which means I have to confront what I think is a poofy tummy (I know…TMI!).  For the first time, however, I recognized this thought as ONE OF THOSE INSIDIOUS VOICES!!.  So I talked back to it and said – “Wait a second.  A tummy is NOT a shoulder bone.  Shoulders are hard, tummies are round and soft – that’s just how they are made.  So what if it feels poofy?” And that was that – the voice went back into hiding and I was left feeling free!

I had read the above verse in Romans the other day and suddenly made the connection.  Anytime I MEASURE myself vis-à-vis others using an imaginary standard in my mind, I EITHER feel superior or inferior.  And what I have done for that moment is to step back INTO the prison cell of the Kingdom of Darkness where Law reigns and sin is the norm.

Measuring and comparing oneself to others is to forget that we have already been sprung from the World’s Way.  We have been transferred into the Kingdom of Light, by Grace.  We didn’t collect enough brownie points to EARN our way into it. We were liberated from our dark prison cell.  The door swung wide and we walked out into the Light where we have

  • value because God chose us and paid for our release
  • an inheritance we don’t have to earn
  • freedom NOT to play the ‘measurement’ game

In essence – we now live in OPEN space in the LIGHT under a completely different system that uses the currency of grace, not merit.

And….we find ourselves frequently running back to that dark prison of measuring ourselves in comparison to others, a system familiar to the point that it’s almost comforting.

prison bars

The good news is that the door stays open and we can turn around (repent) and walk back into the light.

Knowing that is like sticking your hand in your pocket and finding that Get Out of Jail Free card!

We are wired to bask – when boasting is good

December 22, 2013

Maria Freedom, Gifts, Gospel, Jeremiah, Justification , , , 2 Comments

One of my dear daughters-in-law asked me pointedly over Thanksgiving why weighing a certain weight was so darn important to me.  It’s a good question and one for which I struggled to answer.  All I could offer in response was that I am afraid of getting fat.  

This obsession is nothing new.  Ever since a LONG bout with bulimia I’ve spent inordinate amounts of mental energy on how I feel about my body.  I won’t go into the details, because I’m sure you can identify.  If it’s not a weight/body image issue, it’s something else you struggle with that’s connected with your sense of worth.

Catching a podcast sermon the other day finally provided the key to why a number on a scale can dominate my day. 

Tim Keller was talking about how everyone, whether secular or religious, attempts to justify himself, to prove his worth. 

He recast the biblical term ‘justification’ as (and I’m piecing together his definition): 

  • A validating performance report that bestows status and opens doors 

It’s a never-ending cycle that actually hands over control of our feelings of worth to something outside of us.  The ways we seek validation, worth and significance are endless: 

  • Parenting, so your kids turn out ‘well’
  • Decorating and maintaining a beautiful home
  • Earning the acclaim (and unarticulated envy) of your peers and bosses in your career field
  • Achieving and maintaining a fit body or young skin
  • Performing lots of volunteer work or Christian service
  • Mastering a sport or musical instrument
  • Making a statement by your lifestyle choices (TV-eschewer/vegan/ minimal carbon-consumer/frugal/brand-name snob/socially-conscious/pro –this/anti-that….) 

The trouble is, as Tim Keller points out, that the best-case version of this slave-master means you’re only as good as your last accomplishment.  Thus, you keep having to prove yourself. The worst case is that: 

  • Your kids DON’T turn out well
  • Your marriage breaks up
  • You lose the house
  • You remain infertile
  • You break a leg and can’t run for 6 months
  • You attract poor performance reviews from your boss
  • You lose the contract(s)
  • You come in 2nd 

Keller goes on to announce that Jesus offers an alternative. God offers OUTSIDE justification as a gift.  The mind-boggling news in the Bible is that there is a much better way to feel good about oneself.  And it has nothing to do with what we DO. 

Without going into a Gospel presentation, the point is we are offered a life-giving permanent justification. All we have to ‘do’ is admit that OUR way is bankrupt and then submit to His better way.  This means first dropping ALL our efforts to earn status.  Then we have to accept HIS accomplishment as our ‘validating performance record that bestows status and opens doors.’ This, then, is the ONLY way to be liberated from the above tyranny. 

But….. 

…here’s the rub – My first reaction when I digested Tim Keller’s point was:

  • I don’t want someone else’s merit.
  • I actually want to be well-thought of for what I’ve done……it seems more real, more valid, more praise-worthy. 

I puzzled over how to reconcile my desire to be free and what God says is the ONLY path.  Finally, I sensed a way out of this dilemma. The Holy Spirit brought to mind times in the past when I felt significant because of others’ accomplishments:

  • When our oldest son Graham would perform on stage in high school and other parents and teachers would gush – I would bask in that spillover glory.
  • When my husband would sing in choruses and at church and others would marvel at his voice – I would bask in that spillover glory.
  • When our youngest son Wes got accepted and attended West Point and others would say with awe, ‘that’s quite an accomplishment!’ – I would bask in that spillover glory.

So, you see, we ARE wired to bask and boast in others’ accomplishments if we are connected to them. 

All we have to do is take that innate skill and change who and what we boast in.  If we are believers, we have an Older Brother.  And what He has accomplished for His family members is unparalleled.  

As Paul says in Romans, and Jeremiah describes in the OT, our primal sin is that we have exchanged what we should glory in – God – for something man-made.

Jer 2:11 ….my people have exchanged their glorious God for worthless idols. 

So this Christmas 2013 season, as you have some time, maybe you can reflect on what you boast in.  Keller says the way to become a Christian is to repent of what we boast about, about the ways we try to justify ourselves. 

Below is the link to Keller’s sermon. 

Sermon by Tim Keller, Redeemer Pres Church, NYC

Let us Rejoice at the freedom offered

Conversation with a fellow slave

March 24, 2013

Maria Freedom, John, Service , , 2 Comments

I was reading Marvin Olasky’s column in the latest issue of World Magazine (23 March 2013).  He writes on the very last page, before the cover, and I always start magazines at the back.  In his essay, ‘Remember their chains’, Marvin explored past and current ways to start the God-conversation with someone you encounter.  His final thought energized me and made me excited to talk to my next seat partner on a flight.  Boiling it down in my own words and through my filter, my future conversation goes like this (after some initial get-to-know-you chit-chat) :

Maria:  So what drives you?

Joe Blow:  What do you mean?

Me: Well, everyone is working at something, trying to impress someone, motivated to achieve, earn, make peace with something or someone important in their life.  What is that for you?

(And then I might unabashedly share my past bulimic body-image issues and how I’ve been a slave to controlling my food intake/exercise output since those days.  And how horrid a slave-master THAT has been!!   And that the ONLY way out is to know the TRUTH.)

Joe Blow:  What do you mean by truth?  What truth?  Which truth?  Whose truth?

Me:  Good question.  The God I serve promises that if we find the truth and trust the truth and obey the truth, then we will be free indeed.  (John 8:32 -…  and you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free)

Joe Blow: (a bit triumphantly)  Hmmph…the truth is, I’m not a slave to anything or anyone!

Me:  That’s what we all think, because we’re modern.  But the fact is, whether we like it or not, all humans are wired to be slaves, or at least to serve and worship something or someone.   Do you consider yourself an honest person?

Joe Blow:  What do you mean by honest?

Me:  I mean, that, if you recognize something as real and true, however you define it, can you courageously admit that you’ve encountered truth?  Or are you the kind of person who has too much pride and just pretends that it isn’t so, in order to maintain the upper hand in a conversation?

Joe Blow: (a bit haughtily and acting like I might be insulting him)   I’d like to think that I have that kind of integrity you’re describing.

Me: Well, here goes: The Old Testament in the Bible recounts episode after sad account of the Hebrews serving God at times and then not.  They would drop God and switch their allegiance to the false gods of neighboring peoples. And at other times, they would move beyond religion and actually invest their hopes in stronger strategic partners to rescue them.

The histories chronicled in the Bible document NOT a single time when the Hebrews were neutral, serving no one.   They either served or obeyed God, or were slaves to different powers, whether real or demonic.

And if we move from the strategic level to the personal level, we read in the Bible all sorts of tragedies of men and women driven by their greed for power, sex or money/material things.  These untamed forces either played themselves out in brutal, blatant conquests or in the more manipulative, sinister yet secretive moves.

And lest you think times have gotten any better, the New Testament and history SINCE then don’t show any improvement in men and women. More education and ‘better’ living conditions haven’t changed our hearts. We just pretend more, even to ourselves.

So do you see why I asked you ‘What drives you?’

Joe Blow:  Yeah, I see your point, but I don’t think those behaviors describe me.  I’m pretty happy with my life.  I like my job, I’ve got some money in the bank, I’m seeing a pretty sweet gal who has her life together, too.  Life seems good. And my friends would all say I’m a fairly chill guy.

Me:  (with a playful touch of light praise) Bravo! and well done you!  You may be the one exception to nature. (By the way, did I mention that God created nature? He-he…just teasing you!)   No, in all honesty, I would probably come to the same conclusion, IF, I didn’t know myself better.  I don’t think I’m a slave to what others think of me, or to money, or to my reputation for being perfect mom or wife…but I have had struggles with meeting MY standard for how I teach French. Numerous times in the past,  I’ve allowed a ‘bad French-class day’ to  cause me to feel down.

But what God is teaching me these days is this:  I have learned (pausing slowly for effect)  that when what I treasure or value the most is taken away from me, or even threatened, I get angry.

Joe Blow:  (who is beginning to listen attentively at this point) Hmm..what is that?  …….the thing you most value?

Me:  MY time…Time for Maria, time to get my work down…so I can have time to walk and listen to podcasts…and so I can have time to relax and read ‘enough’ each day.  I am learning that ‘MY TIME’ is what I most treasure and hoard and protect.

Joe Blow:  Huh…I never looked at ‘my time’ as a possession, but I have to admit, I can identify.  So how do you get out of that mindset?

Me:  Thanks for being honest.  I think a lot of people feel that way, at least about something.  It might not be time, but it might be money or recognition.  You know that truth I mentioned? – The verse about knowing the Truth and being set free?   Well, Truth is not just a concept or a fact to know.  Truth is actually a person – Jesus Christ.  Jesus is actually God who took on the body and life of a real human being in time and space, one of us.  And He lived and died for some pretty cosmic supernatural reasons.  You know how I mentioned that we are created and wired to serve someone or something?   God did in fact fashion us to serve Him since He knew that only by making Him both our Treasure and Lord, we would be happy.   And since we have preferred OTHER things, we have piled up a whole lot of guilt.  The penalty for rebellion is death.

But the amazing news is that God the Father of Jesus, and God the Son and God the ‘power-filled’ supernatural Holy Spirit together crafted a plan even before God created the universe and us. The Bible says that by living a perfect life and being executed in our place, Jesus made a way for us both to get the credit for HIS life well lived and to be declared “Not Guilty” in the capitol case, “Crimes against the Creator of the Universe”.  The ‘not guilty’ ruling is pretty amazing in that God the Father was able to maintain both the standard of justice AND show mercy to us by virtue of Jesus receiving our punishment.

So now those who receive those 2 benefits have secured a permanent spot in the family of God and an amazing inheritance, both of which far outweigh whatever earthly ‘treasure’ you or I could possibly imagine.  How I am helped is by recognizing that serving Jesus, being in whatever role you want to call it:  servant, steward, slave, ambassador, beloved child, worshipper actually liberates me.  I can’t lose that treasure.  It’s not dependent on me.

Joe Blow: (thoughtfully…) so you don’t hoard your time anymore?

Maria:  (chuckling a bit ruefully) I wish I could say yes!  But if I am T-R-U-T-H-F-U-L…I will tell you that I do forget where my true treasure is..and fall back into that hoarding frame of mind.  Fortunately, I’m getting better at spotting my anxiety and stress when they start to flair.  Then I can say, “Oh, yeah…that’s pretty stupid. It’s NOT my time”, or “Thankfully that mediocre lesson today doesn’t define me”.  I’m actually growing more relaxed to the degree that I remember and am thankful to serve such a God. I have a secure identify, purpose and destination and I belong to an amazing family.

**

That’s as far as I’ve gotten in imagining the conversation.  Where would you go from here?  It sure does seem a more natural approach.  Anxiety and stress and drivenness seem to be the norm.  After all, we have MORE people than ever on anti-depressants.  People are dying for lack of good news.  I don’t want to HOARD that!!!

 

 

Newer Entries