Why do I keep expecting people to act a certain way?

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You will cry for help, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ If you remove the yoke from your midst, …. Isaiah 58:9 NASB

Christmas Eve and we were returning home from having shared a lovely Louisiana gumbo supper with some friends after the service.  In our warm and cozy truck, I mentioned to Mike that the previous night our bedroom has been too hot to sleep well. I suggested, “How about we just turn off the heat in the house, so the bedroom will be nice and cold?”  He nixed that idea, countering with, “just open the window a crack.” Annoyed because I didn’t think that alone would be enough to cool down the room, I said to myself, “He ‘should’ know how important sleep is to me!”

There it was, an expectation that I had projected on Mike. Only, I didn’t realize that was what I had done.  But God’s perceptive eye didn’t miss it.

As the Holy Spirit would have it, our readings for Christmas Day included Isaiah 58 about the kind of fast the Lord wants his children to celebrate.  The prophet puts it bluntly: we should not fast religiously or selfishly, simply to check it off our list, but enter into a fast with a heart set on worshipping our creator, sustainer and holy God.

As I worked through the first part of verse 9, I felt comforted by God’s promise to respond promptly to my cries for help with a “I’m here!”.

But then my eyes moved on to that ‘yoke business’ mentioned toward the end of that same verse.  I wrote in my journal, “Father, have I placed a yoke on anyone?  Am I expecting others to act a certain way?”

Last night’s conversation quickly came to mind. I DO have and I HAVE formulated expectations of Mike and other family members, and friends, as well. Do these precious people FEEL my dissatisfaction when they don’t ‘meet my standards’?

Yikes! That unarticulated but very real pressure must feel burdensome, especially on those who live with me, like Mike.  Others might feel the sting of my occasional disappointment, but Mike surely notices the ‘yoke of expectation’ that I hang on him.

We fragile human beings can never satisfy the impossibly high criteria OTHERS use to evaluate us.  I should know NOT to engage in that practice, since I have suffered the pain (and shame) of family members’, friends’ and bosses’ pointed dissatisfaction with me.

What is the solution?

Well, I can’t control what others think of me, but God has given me Holy Spirit power to change my thinking.  He commands Christians to renovate their minds, their way of thinking and concluding through a a changing heart, one saturated by his word. And what Jesus commands, he makes possible.

Since Christmas Day, I keep reading scripture that reenforces this message. We are to hope in God, not people. ‘Hope’ can be translated in both Hebrew and Greek as ‘to expect or wait for someone to act’.

Psalm 118:8 NKJV says: It is better to trust in the LORD, than to put confidence in man.

Even Jesus didn’t trust people, because he knew them: But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, because He knew all peopleJohn 2:24 NASB

John Piper, in a recent devotional reflected on 1 John 3:23: This is His commandment, that we believe [with personal faith and confident trust] in the name of His Son Jesus Christ, and [that we unselfishly] love and seek the best for one another, just as He commanded us. NASB

He distilled John’s teaching to something I am meditating on throughout the day:  Trust Jesus, Love people.

God is the only person in the universe who deserves our trust and won’t disappoint me.  Shouldn’t that fact free us up to release our unfair and unverbalized expectations of people that we hold in our hearts?

A summer sabbath rest and fast

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“Indeed, my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living water, and they have dug cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”  Jeremiah 2:13

My thinking has always been:  Maybe THIS essay or article will contain that ONE nugget that will shift my perspective and change my life!  And so I consume, in hope, perpetually seeking, never satisfied.

In my pride I compulsively forward, post to Facebook or print out and snail-mail what I think YOU might benefit from.  And I write blogs, this one and my other at Surprised by Logic.  As though I have something unique or worth trading your free time reading.

Something I read over Memorial Day weekend stopped me in my tracks.

I realize that my motives tend not always to be pure in what I post on Facebook.  There’s a little ‘provocatrice’ in me that is neither necessary, winsome, nor gentle or humble. Furthermore, given that my goal IS to show Christ as all satisfying, then what I sometimes upload works against that goal. Why go out of my way to offend certain colleagues who happen to follow me on Facebook?

Furthermore, another book I’m reading and rereading has shown me to be always hungry and greedy for more input and never satisfied.  God showed me clearly on the same night as that first ‘stop you in your tracks’ insight that His Word more powerfully salsifies than anything else one of us might write.

So I am taking a fast from reading on-line essays and blog posts.  And I’ve deactivated my Facebook account and unsubscribed to nearly all feeds.

To go along with combatting this insatiable thirst that drives me to broken cisterns, I will spare you burden of ‘yet one more post to read’ by not blogging these summer months.  A gift to you!

So I invite you to join me in turning away from the ephemeral artificial cyber world in order to drink from, to feed on that which lasts and satisfies: God’s Book of Nature and His supernatural written Word.  Then each day, once we have filled up on what is eternal, pure, true and beautiful, let us spend time focused on people, God’s very own image bearers.

May Grace and Peace from God the Father, and God the Son and God the Holy Spirit be yours in abundance!

Maria

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