Will my enemies ever depart?

September 8, 2022

Maria 1 Kings 4, Anointing, Ephesians 2, Fear, Proverbs 28, Psalm 23 , , , , 4 Comments

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Psalm 23:5 NASB

I had set aside Saturday morning to do a guided meditation on Psalm 23.  Question number three was: Do you feel anointed, set apart?

I thought I understood the context of this Hebrew word from years of reading through our Bible.  Hasn’t it been kings who were anointed?  In our age, it’s we Christians who have been set apart by God for holiness.  My mind sped to Ephesians 2:10:  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. NASB

When I deep-dived into the Hebrew for ‘anointed – dashan’, I stepped into an entirely different world. For sure, kings have been anointed or appointed for certain roles. The prophet Samuel anointed first Saul as king and then his successor David.

But the first meaning for this Hebrew term staggered me. My Hebrew reference did not mention king-naming but how God ‘fattens’ his people.  Anointing oil moistens our heads, enriching us, prospering us, satisfying us, accepting us.  Look at this context from Proverbs 28:25b, The one who trusts the Lord will prosper (be made fat, be oiled up, be anointed) NASB

Lavishing joy-filling abundance on us is what George Mueller meant when he wrote: “ I saw more clearly than ever, that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day was, to have my soul happy in the Lord.  The first thing to be concerned about was not, how much I might serve the Lord, how I might glorify the Lord; but how I might get my soul in to a happy state, and how my inner man may be nourished….I saw that the most important thing I had to do was to give myself to the reading of the Word of God and to meditation”

What else is in Psalm 23:5 besides oil running down over our heads?  Yes, food, drink and the best company make up that banquet feast spread out for us. Yes, in the presence of all our enemies.

For me, my enemies, my ARCH-enemies are my fears, primarily anxiety about the future. I don’t imagine I’m much different from you.

I know I’m sinning against God when I try to control the future by imagining and planning for possible scenarios. Realistically, I don’t think I can stop myself from flirting with the temptation to figure out and then limit what scares me or fills me with dread.

But as soon as I catch myself falling prey to that fear trap, I can draw back and confess it to Jesus. Because our world 1.0 is broken, full of sinning people(us included) and much evil, enemies will always surround me. What I have taken away lingering in Psalm 23 is the ever-present feast available to those Jesus has anointed.

My practice so far has been to acknowledge the fear, tell the truth about it to Jesus, and ask for his cleansing. Then I make a 180 and direct my attention to the good food prepared to nourish me.  The Lord’s table will never run out.  His helper, the Spirit, keeps the nourishment coming as long as I show up hungry and thirsty. Night or day.

Here’s a glimpse of what fellowshipping at the King of King’s table looks like. Put yourself back in Solomon’s days.  You’re a regular at his table.  The stewards bring in great platters of warm and cold food. Wine flows freely. Nothing runs out because of their attentive service.  The kitchen doesn’t close.

And those deputies provided food for King Solomon and all who came to King Solomon’s table, each in his month; they allowed nothing to be lacking.1 Kings 4:27 NASB

This is our privilege as well. As adopted children, ‘fattened’ and welcomed at the generous table, our God provides constant care for our bodies, our spirits, and our emotions so that we are set up to flourish in his kingdom. Despite the presence of enemies.  Prosperity with enemies still out there is not mutually exclusive.

Feasting on and with Jesus while all those fears linger outside the banqueting house can be my and your reality.  Let’s turn our eyes back to Jesus and his good gifts.

He’s ploughing my heart and it hurts!

April 21, 2022

Maria Ephesians 2, Healing, Shame , , , Leave a comment

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10 NLT

 God’s been doing something different in my heart for the past 18 months. The changes started when Graham recommended a podcast. Listening to the interview with Jamie Winship shifted how I pray. My journaling turned into a conversation with Jesus.  I began opening my heart and writing down my fears, my longings, and my questions. Sometimes the Holy Spirit would right away open up new ways of thinking; other times, the insights came later through scripture or someone’s written meditation.

Honestly revealing to Jesus my dissatisfaction with myself was new. The pace of insights and painful memories accelerated after an overnight ‘retreat’ with a dear friend who is a good listener.  Then I found a Christian counselor and began to process some of my layers of toxic coping mechanisms long practiced over decades.

Then came the gift of a painful experience that caused me to confront feelings of shame. God kindly didn’t leave me alone. He directed a friend to gift me with two books that have turned out to be timely. Reading them, I’ve been able to recall past incidences when I have felt caught off guard by shame.  

Furthermore, a new friend directed my attention to the podcast channel ‘Win Today’ with Christopher Cook. These interviews with Christian authors have been a source of new ideas that promote emotional healing.

Four days ago, on Easter Sunday, some totally new insights touched a sore nerve that until then had been obscured. I was brought to tears.  I find my reaction so startling as an Enneagram 5 who normally doesn’t know what she feels until some time has elapsed. Yet crying spontaneously is fast becoming a new habit.  In the past, I have relied on thinking my way through situations.

How did I miss out on listening to my feelings for so long?   I think because early on emotions felt too dangerous and scary.

But now, God is ploughing my heart.  He’s overturning the stable earth beneath my feet and watering it with my tears.

This morning, listening to some news about some family members going through a dark patch made me wonder.

Could it be that God has some new ‘good things’ for me to do?  Is all this inner prep his way of equipping me?

I feel ready to be on the watch and to continue these programmed ‘beauty’ treatments.  I don’t think I’ll be surprised when that ‘for such a time as this’ assignment appears.

How God is changing my will

April 16, 2017

Maria Ephesians 2, Ephesians 6, Gentleness, God's Purpose, God's workmanship, Philippians 2, Service, Struggles, the Heart , , , , , , , , 10 Comments

Philippians 2:13 For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

Lots of unholy churn and inward griping have colored my past 3 3/4 years teaching French to middle-schoolers.  I have prayed for God to open the door to other jobs that pay as much but

  • don’t include a commute of at least 1 hour 40 minutes on a traffic-free day
  • don’t place me in a sometimes hostile anti-Christian environment (secular school)
  • don’t require me to face the burdensome daily challenge of teaching French well and creatively to middle-schoolers

And in His good and wise providence, God has kept me in that job!  So I have prayed, very reluctantly, for Him to change my will, my desires.  Do you ever pray like this, a kind of ‘please God, but I’m not sure if I want you to‘ type request?  This is how I’ve been praying:

  • Father, if I have to continue to work THERE, then at least change my heart so that I more light-heartedly teach/work/serve at that school.  But, Father, I’m actually hesitant to ASK You to change my heart.  I don’t think I WANT to want that, to work contentedly there.  I just want OUT!

But God HAS changed my heart through a shift in my thinking that could ONLY have come about this way.

It was a combination of a Charles Spurgeon selection from his book Morning and Evening, a John Piper devotional one night, some scripture in a prayer I was praying through that my app Prayermate had fed me and a John Piper archived sermon the next morning.  All within about 11 hours.

One of my whiny refrains I kept replaying in my mind leading up to those 12 hours was, “My heart is just not in teaching French to middle-schoolers any more!  I’m tired of the burden. And besides, I’ll be 60 in a few months, maybe I don’t have what it takes to relate to them!”  I can get REAL good at excuse making.

By means of 3 verses, He had shifted my thoughts toward the end of the 11 hours (an evening, night and early morning), which gently but abruptly changed my desire:

  • Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we may do them.
  • Ephesians 6:7 Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.
  • Colossians 3:23 Whatever you are doing, let your hearts be in your work, as a thing done for the Lord and not for men.

And just like that, with the gentle Holy Spirit memory prompting, He brought those living facts and commands into my heart and mind and something occurred instantly.

In a flash, I saw how sinful AND LAME my whininess had been.  I pictured those sins as adding to the crushing weight of sin that Jesus willingly took on for me.

The next thought was:

  •  If I can’t teach whole-heartedly for THEM, those kids, I CAN do so for God.  By His power.
  •  In fact Maria, your Father created those works at this school right now for you to do as a new creation.  He has equipped and fitted you to do just that.  And that is why He has kept you there in that job.  It has been His intention all along.  He has purposes for you to serve Him in that environment.

That was a Wednesday.  I lived with new freedom and awareness throughout the day, actually enjoying myself.

Cautiously I embraced Thursday.  Same thought-altering feelings prevailed. And Friday as well.

It’s Spring Break this week.  The days are flying and soon Monday will come.  But I’m not dreading it.  With His help, I CAN do what He has willed for me, what He commands me to do.

Here’s the truth:  what God commands, He equips us to do and we have no reasonable defense to resist.  Thanks be to God!

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