What will they say about you?  What kind of legacy are you leaving?

May 30, 2024

Maria Answers to Prayer, Praise, Prayer, Psalm 71, Refuge, Uncategorized , , 1 Comment

I have become a marvel to many…..Psalm 71:7 NASB

If today you heard a man reflect on his life using those words, to what kind of explanation would your mind go? Would you conclude that he had built a successful company?  Or that he was serving in an influential position in the government or educational sphere? Might he have lots of kids and grandkids who are adulting well?

Those are all laudable accomplishments. Yet, what the psalmist describes in this scripture have only secondarily to do with him and his actions. Instead, he highlights the numerous jams he’s been throughout his life.

In verse 3, he refers to how often he has needed to flee to God’s refuge for relief and protection:

  Be a rock of refuge for me, where I can always go. (CSB)

The psalm is chock-full of praises to the Lord after his rescues. 

Describing himself as being almost a gray-haired one, he reflects on the numerous times he has called on God and depended on the Mighty One’s faithfulness in coming through.  He also enumerates current-day dangers and checks off on his fingers the enemies he has. 

Studying this kind of personal journal entry, I see a man who keeps getting knocked down, time and time again.  And one who bounces back and heals, sheltered by his Lord and with an even more compelling testimony.

From his words, I sense that his friends and family (and maybe his enemies, too) would register surprise as successive attacks and setbacks plague him.

You know people like that, right? Those who seem to have MORE than their fair share of problems, situations and disappointments?

Those watching our psalmist, just what is it that causes them to marvel?

How he never stops depending on the Lord, never ceases calling out to him. In the midst of his enemies, before he sees evidence of rescue, he declares in advance God’s ready hiding place. He then uses God’s means of protection, rejoices over the Lord’s faithfulness, following up with public praises to his God.

He’s like a mini- Job, but without demanding an explanation from God for his suffering. I think THIS is what creates amazement in all who know him. 

My husband Mike reminds me of this psalmist. As he looks back on his life, he would be the first to acknowledge the wounds, setbacks, broken dreams and other disappointments he has suffered in his life. Yet, he dependably looks to God for his help. Over and over he affirms our God’s goodness and his constancy of character.

Today is his 67th birthday. What makes his life a marvel is this faithfulness to depend on and honor God. As much as I can point to his excellence as an engineer, voice-over artist, musician, and family man, it his resilient dependence and public pointing us to God that I want to highlight. Even when he is attacked with bouts of discouragement and fear, he hies it back to God’s stronghold and points to his goodness after the attacks have passed.

Mike, thank you for your example.  May you continue to praise our triune God and not stop until you have trained up our grandkids and their future children to love the Lord and depend on Him!

Act as if…..

May 23, 2024

Maria Colossians 3, Covenants, Faith, Holy Spirit, Kingdom of God, Psalm 23, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Practice, Truth , , , , , , 1 Comment

“Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”  Hamlet to his mother

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12 NIV

Cousin Terry recommended a book written by Malcolm Smith entitled, The Power of the Blood Covenant. Yesterday morning I read from the chapter about walking in the Spirit.  The author’s premise (which tracks with the Bible) is that if we have the Spirit of Christ in us, then we are entitled to and have free access to ALL the covenant promises, rights and responsibilities that Jesus won for us.

How does that work?  I’m so thankful for the Gospel of John. In so many places, Jesus mentions that he himself is IN us and that we live IN him. Furthermore, he explains that he and the Father are one. The problem is that we don’t feel as though any of this is true.

I don’t sense the Spirit of God in me. I don’t see God’s wisdom, strength, power, peace, love, joy in me. But the Bible asserts that these are indeed mine to use since the Holy Spirit, the helper, lives in me.

As I was pondering our position vis-à-vis God and all the benefits that we are not to forget, I pictured a medieval walled city.  Imagine with me the lord or king of this city-state going out alone to make a peace treaty with a stronger and good monarch.  Our leader, our representative meets all the treaty stipulations. He accomplishes all the seemingly impossible feats of courage and self-control that are necessary to accomplish this ruler’s unheard-of standards. He does what none of us, his people, would dare or could do. 

Why not one of us?  The truth is, no one is worthy, nor are we equipped. Neither are we in a representative role to do our fellow citizens any good. But he is.

After signing the treaty agreement with his blood, he rides back victoriously with the good news.  We now belong to the most kind and powerful ruler in all creation and have been granted the privileges of his kingdom. Our life, our status has changed forever. It is a done deal. And we didn’t have to do anything. We just have to believe and stay in the Kingdom.

Immediately we notice a new flag has been hoisted and we are issued new clothes in different colors from the drab rags we wore.  With gratitude we dress ourselves in the same clothes as our new Over-Lord. As we are taught about all the changes to our status and the freedom from fear we have been given, we also learn a curious fact about our own city-state king. Even though officially co-equal with the Over-King, he submits to him.

Next we receive instruction and homework about how to act, how to treat others. We are to watch our own king and learn from him how citizens in this new government are expected to conduct themselves. Love, kindness, charity, forgiveness, humility are the new attributes we are to live into.

As we dress ourselves in our new clothes, we see different kinds of provisions being stockpiled for each individual citizen. We no longer have to worry about being defenseless against the many foes who come up against us. We are free to use new weapons to resist the enemy.

But we don’t feel different than we had the previous day, before our status changed.

This is a faint but inadequate picture of our position as those who belong to Christ.  We have been given ALL the gifts of the Kingdom of Heaven. Right now.  Along with the expectations of how to operate.

But if we don’t dress ourselves with the clothes of the Kingdom, we are in effect living as though we were mere mortals.

How do I see Mike and me working this out in our daily lives?  Mike has often commented to me, “Maria, what if we lived as if we really believed Jesus, if we really took him at his word?”

We often exchange a few ideas, yet end there with a sigh and : “Wouldn’t that be nice!”

Yesterday and today, I’ve been talking to myself, reminding myself: “Maria, you DO have Jesus’ peace, love, power, joy, wisdom, righteousness, self-control, and mind IN you. Don’t forget!  And you have all the gifts and resources that Jesus procured for you!  You don’t have to work for them, just enjoy them.”

Yes, life is hard and scary.  But I’ve gotten so good at ‘practicing the presence of being alone and dependent on myself’, that when I use my imagination poorly to contemplate a situation, I always reason without God and all his benefits. This time, I want to really live out ‘practicing the presence of God’.

The last paragraph I read this morning from Malcolm Smith’s book quoted Psalm 23:4: ….I will fear no evil, for you are with me. That’s a good place to start. For fear is Satan’s favorite and effective tool.

I’m reminding myself, that even though I will fail and forget today’s resove, this is a daily, an hourly decision that I can come back to at any time.

Does that sound doable to you? If you have the Spirit of Christ in you, then FOR SURE all his covenant-won promises and privileges are yours.  God doesn’t lie. How about trying again, with me, acting as if all were true, taking God at his word, trusting him! That is called authentic faith.  

And if we slip back into old habits, acting as if we have to face evil times and hard circumstances alone? Then we repent.

We shift our thoughts back to what is objectively true, whether we subjectively feel like it’s for real or not.  

We CAN change!

May 16, 2024

Maria 2 Corinthians 5, Genesis 22, Identity, Renewing, Trusting God , , , , , , 1 Comment

i….f anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

How have you changed since you became a Christian? I bet you can tick off a number of areas in your life that are different. I can as well, but some aspects of Maria have not been renovated.  I still carry around views of myself that turn out, it seems, to be quite limiting.

For example, I’ve often said, “I’m not good at art.” This seemed to be a reasonable truth. For some people clearly gravitate toward drawing or crafting or painting out of love. Here’s another example: Mike is very musical.  I’m not.  I tried piano lessons for 10 years and because I didn’t enjoy practicing, I didn’t grow much in skill nor in enjoyment.

These conclusions form what are called identity statements, as in: I’m not the kind of person who does X.

Recently, while listening to a podcast, I started to see for the first time just how many of these negative, limiting identities I have absorbed and frequently use.  The guest, Mike Zeller, being interviewed shared a captivating concept of alter egos. 

During the podcast, I found out that he had personally coached the host in identifying his own limiting beliefs about himself. During the conversation, listeners learned how Zeller had guided him in creating a persona that he could ‘wear’ and act like, an alter ego. Each alter ego was given a name. Zeller encourages his clients to name the old persona something silly, something mock-worthy. (think ‘Debbie Downer’ or ‘Eeyore’)

For some reason, this way of stepping away from a negative identity into a new one seemed do-able to me. Especially when I realized that a lot of my self-talk was in fact damaging me, a revelation that had never before struck me as negative. For these beliefs had seemed simply to be true.

For example, I love languages and speak various ones with different degrees of proficiency.  Yet, whenever anyone remarks, ‘Maria, you’re good at languages, they come easily to you!’, I deny that and reply, ‘Not really, I just work super hard because I really want to be fluent in all of them.’

And that’s the truth about how I have thought about myself. I had never seen that in reality, that assessment is both negative and limiting. I was stunned! 

I bet you have run similar crippling scripts through your mind without realizing it. Here is what is hopeful.  You don’t have to retrain your subconscious; you just have to catch yourself in the middle of asserting one of those ‘lines’ and step out of it into a new alter ego.

Here is what I have done. I have identified an alter ego, to whom I have given the name, “Fluent Frankie” (I had an Aunt Frances whom I don’t remember whose nickname was Frankie).

This new gal, ‘Fluent Frankie’, is programmed to respond to someone complimenting her on multiple languages: ‘Thank you! I really like languages and I have found that they are pretty easy to acquire if you’re willing to put in the time.’

I’ll give you another example.  Maria’s depressing view on picking out gifts for family has always been: ‘I’m not a creative gift giver like my husband, my son Graham or my late mother-in-law’.  That self-constructed identity has always made me dread birthdays and Christmas.  Selecting appropriate gifts that delight the person has felt like a burden.

But…..as a new creation in God, with multiple alter egos, I have created, ‘Good-gift-giver Gabbie’ (I’m picking out first names of people I have never personally known). For this new character I can choose to play thinking about and selecting gifts is FUN.

There are about 11 other invented alter egos I have created and can select from when I catch myself running a negative, depressing and limiting script. They are: Patient Paula, Leisurely Leslie, Trusting Tina, Flexible Fiora, Solid Sleeper Sammie, Fun-loving Mimi, Cheerfully-Confident Carol, Silent Susie, Worry-free Wanda, Grateful Gretchen and Stewarding Serena.

The 11 personas that involve my walk as a child of God are glimpses of how I want to grow. I desire to trust more the Father’s unchanging love for me and be more willing to obey Jesus about not fearing or worrying. Handing over all that concerns me because he knows me intimately and IS constantly praying for and providing for me.

Abraham named the place Yahweh-Yireh (which means “the LORD will provide”). Genesis 22:14 NLT

Have you eliminated leisure and rest from your life?

May 9, 2024

Maria Exodus 35, God's commands, Rest, Sabbath, Spiritual Practice, Trusting God , , 1 Comment

Yesterday a podcast host I was listening to quoted Dallas Willard’s famous advice for improving one’s spiritual health: “You need to ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” The guest then quipped something like, “What do you make of American’s having ruthlessly eliminated leisure from life?”

With that pinging around in my mind, this morning’s passage in Exodus resonated differently than in previous years:

For six days work may be done, but the seventh day shall be your holy day, a Sabbath of complete rest to the LORD. Whoever does any work on that day must be put to death. Exodus 35:2 (Berean Study Bible)

Moses has just returned from his second 40-day retreat with God carrying the second set of commands. When he addresses the masses who are now curiously and cautiously awaiting him, Moses communicates God’s priorities by first addressing God’s rhythm of life. He doesn’t start with what we know as the First Commandment to have no other gods than the one true God.

No, on the contrary Moses indicates how the Hebrew people are to live and function in a manner completely different from the rest of the surrounding culture as well as the land they have fled.

Moses teaches the Lord’s view of work and rest. I’m seeing for the first time how serious God is about our need for rest.

Here’s my take having had my mind primed by Dallas Willard’s advice. People probably would not have taken this command so seriously had not Moses taught that this Sabbath day was to be done FOR God, that is for the Lord’s sake. I’m guessing that had it been a command to lay off work for one day in seven for their own benefit, for their well-being, they would have ignored it after the first week of harvest season.

God, no doubt anticipating their reaction, adds a penalty that would have captured their attention. This God of the Hebrews threatens death if they do not comply.  And you know he is right.  When we work all the time, we suffer.

Multiple studies these days show that all work and no rest or play break down our bodies. We weaken mentally, emotionally, physically, relationally as well as spiritually.  Americans, it appears, are working themselves to death.

God’s commands are meant for our wellbeing. Afterall, he created us. He knows how he intended for us to function. He’s not a cosmic ‘meanie’ depriving us of pleasure.  He’s a good father who loves us and has set boundary lines for our own good. Responsible and loving parents do the same for their children.

I admit it’s far easier for me to have margin in my day since I am now retired. I wonder how this would have landed on me when I was 40, teaching school, coaching middle school boys’ baseball, running a part-time business and serving as a Bible Study Fellowship leader and parenting two boys.  And did I mention marriage as well?

My mom tried to advise me. She’d say, “Maria, take time to smell the flowers!” I’d retort, “Easy for YOU to say, Mom, you’re retired.”

But she was right. Rest and leisure are good gifts from our Lord. And we put ourselves in peril if we ignore God’s commands.

From Helicopter Parent to Helicopter Wife

May 2, 2024

Maria Answers to Prayer, Holy Spirit, Marriage, Parenting, Prayer, Proverbs 3 , , , , , , Leave a comment

From Helicopter Parent to Helicopter Wife

Yes, I admit, I was one of those moms.  Even before the term grew into a household word, I would try to remove difficulties from my boys’ lives. If I’m honest, I was more motivated to make their lives easier for my sake. I don’t like people around me to be unhappy. 

That’s pretty naïve, given that in this life, we are guaranteed afflictions. Unfortunately, I grew up with a father who modeled trying to keep everyone happy. Peace at any cost.

For most of our sons’ growing up years, I was not yet a biblical Christian. Nor had I even heard of the caterpillar-cocoon-butterfly analogy. We’ve all probably heard the story of how someone with good intentions trying to ease the struggle of the emerging butterfly actually doomed this beautiful creature to an early death by helping her to emerge from her cocoon.

One time when our oldest son was in 8th grade, he felt his English teacher wasn’t treating him fairly. We called for a meeting with the teacher so Graham could air his grievances. In hindsight we should have encouraged him first to seek a solution himself with the man.

To my shame, I even had my husband write one of Graham’s college professors his freshman year when he earned a C that first fall semester.

This same tendency to want to ‘magic away’ our sons’ problems wasn’t confined to just them. Rather, I have brought that pattern into my marriage.

For years, just because I desired a ‘happy husband’, I’ve tried to fix things for my husband without him asking for my assistance. This is called ‘mothering’ as I recently read.  Mothering one’s children is appropriate (though not in those ways I tried to shield Graham and Wes from good growth opportunities).  However, treating an adult man (and especially my husband) that way is demeaning and dishonoring.

I’m learning now how I’ve made an idol of a ‘pleasant life’.  I’ve been slow to realize that people’s feelings are their responsibility and that upsets and problems can’t be avoided. On the contrary, difficulties provide opportunities for us to grow. Healthy families support one another during trials, offering empathetic love.

In addition, Christian parents and spouses have been given the gift of calling upon Jesus on behalf of the families.  I’m beginning to learn how when we have to struggle with the Lord’s help through a situation, we learn something more about God.  So, why would I want to stand in the way of that kind of blessing for family or friends?

Back to our kids, I do see that despite trying inappropriately to spare Graham from the reality of a mediocre college grade, God guided us to allow him to work alone through a crisis with the Lord.  After that first semester of college, Graham felt dissatisfied with James Madison University and the traditional college track. We allowed him to apply over Christmas to Berklee College of Music. The problem arose when he got accepted and he had to make the decision what to do, whether to stay at JMU after this first year or move to Boston.

As he had been growing as a Christian, we let him struggle with God and pray through the decision.  Wrestle he did, going back and forth in whether he should stay or go for about a month.  One morning, all of a sudden, as he explains it, he awoke feeling he should stay at JMU and not leave. He let that decision sit and as it persisted into the next day and beyond days, he realized that the Lord had indeed led him to an answer. And all through prayer.

Looking back, I see the benefit of treating him as an adult and allowing him to work it out with God. Seeing the Lord actually guide him in a decision about real life, a crisis, changed his faith from theoretical to real.

I know he would say that this was the right decision because once he decided to stay, he threw himself into college life. He formed a band with two friends and met Shay, his wife of 17 ½ years.

Recently, Jesus has been pointing me to how I have perhaps NOT been as good a wife to my husband as I should. For my own sake, I have attempted to create, reframe or control events just to avoid having to deal with the normal frustrations Mike has felt at various times.

It’s not like I don’t have a good example of a mature spouse who trusts the Lord and treats others as he would like to be treated.  He doesn’t try to solve ‘my problems’. He only weighs in when I ask for his advice. 

I welcome the opportunity to make some changes, especially when directed by the Holy Spirit!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. Proverbs 3:5-7 NIV