What do I do when I don’t trust God?

November 30, 2023

Maria God's goodness, Psalm 143, Trusting God , , 1 Comment

Cause me to hear your loving kindness in the morning, for I trust in you. Cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to you. Psalm 143:8 New Heart English Bible

During Thanksgiving week when we had 8 family members staying with us and 5 others in a nearby hotel, I had little alone time to spend with Jesus.  But one verse, from God’s word, IS always enough. And I have milked this declaration of faith for what it is worth.  But there is more nourishment to be had, for sure.

Why did these words for Psalm 143:8 resonate?  On one hand, I’m ashamed to share the reason.  It’s because, I don’t truly trust God’s love and goodness. And I know I NEED to hear each morning how much he does loves me.

You see, this Thanksgiving family reunion almost didn’t happen.  And I wanted it SO badly. Our son with 4 kids who lives in El Paso didn’t decide travel here until 1 ½ days before their scheduled flights. The littlest, Caroline at 19 months, had Covid the week before and each of the family had been sick.  Then ‘Mom’. who is 95, didn’t want to road trip the 7 hours down from Asheville because she was afraid of leaving a nearby bathroom and her assisted-living caregivers. 

When finally on Sunday night at the start of Thanksgiving week we got a glimpse that it was green lights on all fronts, including the Tampa family, I felt stunned at how God had really come through, again, just like he did with our Italy trip.

What was that about? Well, leading up to our mid-September departure, I had been afraid that something would prevent THAT from happening. Again, I REALLY wanted it to happen.

Cousin Terry, who had ‘held my hand’ (so to speak) by praying alongside of me for these two major events and prayer requests pointed out in a text how good our God is.  And my immediate unspoken response was, ‘Yes, but will he come through again?’

That’s when the Holy Spirit crushed me by convicting me of my lack of trust.  Yet our Father, in his kindness, sent me this answer from Psalm 143.  And I have clung to it and recited it daily since then.

The only remedy for my lack of trust in God’s goodness is to hear over and over about his perfect love for me, his ‘chesed, which is the only tool capable of driving out all fear.

As I studied verse 8, the words all make sense, except for the last bit, ‘for to you I lift up my soul’.  I had to ponder that and figure out for myself how to ‘translate’ it into words that resonate.  First, I came up with ‘for you are my goal’.  That helped a lot, especially this past Monday, our normal weekly cleaning day. This Monday required more time because the house was pretty dirty from being well used.  I found myself getting a bit ‘grim’ until I reminded myself, ‘Maria, remember Psalm 143:8.  A clean house is NOT your goal, Jesus is!’

Today, I received an even more apt idea of what it means to lift up one’s soul to something or someone. I now understand it as, ‘I want more of X’, whether that is money, recognition, power, or love.

What is it that the psalmist wants?  Exactly what I desire, the ONLY thing in the universe that will satisfy me.  I need more of Jesus.

With that part of the equation ‘filled in’ so to speak, I then worked backward in that verse, moving into each earlier phrase until the start of verse 8.  ‘Father, if my goal is more of your Son, Jesus, then show me how to lead my life THIS day. You know I trust you, because I hear, read, and experience your love for me on a daily basis. Please. Do it again and blow me away during my early mornings with a sense of your mind-boggling love for me.’

Discussing that verse repeatedly to Jesus has been a life line.

Do you see how all you need is one good mouthful of God’s word to feed on?  We are all busy, and some more than others. 

Anne, married to our son Wes, cares for a toddler and three ‘bigs’, homeschooling the ‘bigs’, cleaning, cooking healthy meals of ‘real food’, working out and studying for a health coaching certification.  She has little disposable time. But ‘one word’ from God more than sustains her.

Steve, my dear brother-in-law, cares for my mother-in-law and holds down a full-time job.  He, like Anne, has little time.  He often compares himself to his wife who spends a good chunk of her early morning in prayer. But ONE word from the Father that he chews through in his day, digesting it well so that it nourishes his soul is enough.

So, dear friends, whether you’re in a busy season of life or a more leisure-filled time, one ‘word’ is enough. And if you feel inadequate as a believer, turn back to Jesus and be real with him. He will feed you like a momma bird cares for her babies.  He knows just the right food and the appropriate portion.

There’s been a ‘heat’ wave and my leaf is still green!

December 2, 2021

Maria Bible Reading, Faith, Jeremiah 17, Patience, Self-Control, Self-Pity, Spiritual Fruit, Spiritual Warfare , , , , , 2 Comments

Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in Him. He is like a tree planted by the waters that sends out its roots toward the stream. It does not fear when the heat comes, and its leaves are always green. It does not worry in a year of drought, nor does it cease to produce fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8 Berean Study Bible

Are things ‘heating up’ for you? Is trouble brewing?  We’ve just passed through that feast day when families gather, some happily and some reluctantly. Often mixing with those we don’t regularly see except at Thanksgiving can produce sparks that ignite as surely as rubbing two sticks together.

When Jeremiah’s words popped up in my Prayermate app earlier this week I lingered a while connecting God’s words with what Jim, our associate pastor, had emphasized on Sunday. Wrapping up this fall’s Sunday School journey through Paul’s encouraging letters to the Thessalonians, Jim emphasized our absolute need to meditate daily and deeply on Scripture.  His exhortation included imploring us to pray for our pastors and missionaries that they would do the same.  For how can we hope to endure as believers and encourage others in the faith unless we……stand firm and hold fast to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter. 2 Thessalonians 2:15 NIV?

Last Tuesday of Thanksgiving week, I saw first-hand the blessing in standing firm, a growing ability due to years of lingering leisurely over God’s word. So, what happened?  Just some ordinary ‘heating up’ right before our families arrived that could easily have thrown me for a loop.  Satan lost this skirmish to manipulate circumstances toward his evil plans.

We had hosted friends for 2 nights the weekend before Thanksgiving and I was tired. I had a day and a half turn-around time to get the house ready, to stock the kitchen and catch up on some tasks foregone during our friends’ visit.

Even when our friends were with us, I continued feeding on God’s word.  Company, cooking and other tasks weren’t going to stand in the way of what I look forward to. I always need time each morning to reset with Jesus.   So, on Tuesday morning, after reminding myself that ‘God’s got this’ and ‘He is my sufficiency’, I set out for Kroger’s, my favorite grocery store, to gather all the food we needed for the eleven of us.  A shortage of baggers, time needed to hunt for one-off items and a plethora of holiday shoppers stretched my normal 45-minute shopping trip to 2 hours and 15 minutes.

Only by grace, could I practice patience, frequently reminding myself that ‘All this serves my eternal good’.  I was even able to rejoice when I maneuvered that overflowing, heavy cart toward my car, for I thanked God that it wasn’t raining! Furthermore, no egg cartons fell off nor did cherry tomatoes make a break-out run from their plastic homes.

The Tampa family was due to pull in between 4 and 5 that afternoon.  After putting everything away, I wanted to get the Coq au Vin prepared and set to ‘warm’ in my Instant pot so I could be free to enjoy these dear ones.  But another probe from Satan materialized. The chicken stuck in the Instant pot and started to burn.

I immediately unplugged the pot and released all the steam that had built up. As I transferred this rich chicken-wine-mushrooms and thyme goodness to a regular pot on the cooktop, I reminded myself, ‘This, too, serves my eternal good’.

In the past, I’ve given in to self-pity many times when situations heated up.  But thanks to the Lord and his word, my leaf remained green.  Rising early to feed the cats and make some coffee, I refocused on Jesus and refreshed myself each morning in God’s word while our families slept to at last 8 am.

A week has passed since Thanksgiving.  Looking back, I can see how God showered so much grace on us, including protecting Gizmo, our kitty escape artist.  I found out later that in the confusion of 4 extra adults and 5 kids, he did manage one time to get out the back door. Somehow, someone succeeded in catching him and returned him to the house. Grace!

This morning, God added a PS to last week’s grace. Our microwave popped, hissed and went on strike, refusing to re-heat my coffee.  My first thought flew right to God and the grace he showed in delaying this microwave failure by one week.  We used that microwave SO much preparing, heating, melting, reheating food and liquid as we feasted all week.  Furthermore, ALL the appliances, the gas fireplace, central heat and the hot water worked perfectly.

What encourages me more than God’s grace is how I see the blessing of this practice of slow meditative Bible reading. Fruit such as confidence in God and his promises, patience and self-control come easier.  I rejoice in God’s goodness.

Does God care about the little things?

November 20, 2019

Maria 1 Peter 5, Anxiety, Dependence, Father, God's Promises, Grace, Gratitude, Patience, Praise, Prayer, Promises, Struggles, suffering, Trials, Trust, Trusting God, Wisdom , , , 1 Comment

“Oh, He is too busy running the world to care about this little issue of mine!”

Have you ever been politely put off by someone pretending to be humble?

Here’s the Truth – our God LOVES to take care of ALL our issues, cares, problems, burdens.  “Cast ALL of your cares on Him, for He cares for you!”  1 Peter 5:7

I’ll tell you a story about one of those ‘little things’ that my Father took care of yesterday and the bigger take-away.

It’s almost Thanksgiving.  We’re living in a rental house with a small frig. Family arrive next week to share the holiday.  I had been fretting on my inability to do any food prep and baking ahead of time due to the size of our freezer section.  Mike to rescue! He seconded my suggestion about buying a chest freezer NOW (instead of waiting until we move into our new house).  Relief!

Home Depot here in Huntsville had a sale. The freezer fit in the back of the Subaru. Mike set it up and turned it on. Monday, I happily purchased the $40 frozen organic turkey, along with some wild-caught Sockeye on sale, also frozen.  Placed them and some bacon in the new freezer.

But the next morning after working out in the garage, Mike reported that the turkey felt soft when he checked it.  Oh, no!  It had been solid as a rock when I purchased it the day before.  My mind flashed to all the rigamarole it would cause us, especially Mike, to have to load the freezer in the car, take it BACK to Home Depot…..et cetera. And when would he have the time to do that?

By God’s grace, I knew immediately what to do:  I handed the entire mess over to the Lord.

“Father, you tell us to cast ALL our burdens on you.  Handle this, please. You know I just spent a bunch of money and that I need a freezer. And how I had planned to do some baking this afternoon.  Help!”

Finishing my quiet time, I bundled up for my walk and prayed on and off during the 30 minutes. I continued to have a steady confidence that this was one of those tests and that the Lord would come through.  Entering the house, I hung up my jacket and took out my phone.  Following Nehemiah’s example, I formulated another quick prayer as I punched in the number for Home Depot, asking God that the manager would be in the store this early (8 am).

He was!  But first I had to go through customer service.  I really hadn’t wanted to explain the situation to the gal on phone duty, but she asked before connecting me to the manager.  Her empathetic response reassured me, “Oh, how awful! Of course, I’ll put you through right away to Drew.”

Drew grasped my situation immediately.  Asking a few questions, he assured me that he would send a replacement over as soon as possible.  By 9 am, I had a new freezer humming in the garage.  And praise be to the Lord!  Per Google, my turkey which had been kept cool over the past 18 hours but not frozen in the defective appliance, could be safely refrozen, if within 3 days.

With joy, I texted Mike to share the good news of how quickly God had worked. Furthermore, by 3 pm I had placed one baked item in my new and fully functioning freezer.

What about that corollary or bigger take-away from this on-time grace?

It’s this:  like all of you, Mike and I have a BIG need that we have committed to God.  We pray every day, asking for a resolution as well as the strength to endure and trust him in the meantime.  And our Father has seen fit to tarry.  Frankly, some days it’s a real struggle to hold on by faith to his promises as well as to remind ourselves of all his past answers.  We intentionally rehearse his goodness as we read about him in his Word and see hourly and daily evidence of his love.

So, in his very rapid handling of our freezer problem, I see reassurance from a loving and kind Father that he really does care about us. Through this quick supply of grace, it is as though he is reassuring us that he IS indeed at work in our big need. But that in his perfect wisdom, he has planned a wait.  So, we await HIS timing and continue to pray.  But not frantically, not desperately.

Oh, by the way, the next time someone thinks to put me off with a quip about God having more important things to do than handle a problem like a defective freezer, I’ll confidently say:

The one and only true, living and loving God cares about ALL that concerns me, AND you, AND the nations at war, AND the environment, etc. And compared to his GREATNESS, and from his point of view, all these problems are little items!

Is this all there is?

November 29, 2015

Maria Psalm 62, Rest , , , , , , , , 10 Comments

Meaningless We spent Thanksgiving week with our kids and grandkids and that was a gift!  For the couple hosting the Cochrane Clan, it was their first time cooking a turkey and planning such a large meal.  They carried it off with grace, good humor and amazing calm.  Of course we all pitched in.

Hanging out with these young parents, I’ve been reflecting on how exciting life was when we were in our 20s and 30s.  Each new experience was thrilling, from eating out in a fine restaurant, to moving into our first apartment, to bringing home new babies and even taking on a mortgage for our very own house.

But as I’ve aged, many events no longer exhilarate.  Whether holidays, anniversaries, travel, purchases, new homes or new jobs.

I can understand middle-aged depression. I thought about that even in church today as our pastor announced his family’s good news that they were gaining a daughter-in-law.  When I watched the future groom bring up the offerings to the front, I reflected on all that lay ahead of him.

I WOULD have envied him, had it not been for the FACT that God has given me new life complete with a new perspective, value system and purpose.

Therefore, there is no despair, but a growing sense of anticipation and a sure confidence that any thrill I once tasted here on earth is a slight foretaste of what is to come.

I am über-thankful to God for having called me out of the futile darkness of this world into the light and knowledge of who He is and why He created me.  I live with a just-below-the-surface happy and almost excited anticipation,

  • Knowing that God IS – that He has always existed and will always be around in an unchanging state, that this world is not a product of random chemicals coalescing for no purpose
  • Knowing that God MEANS for us to know Him and share happiness and true ‘face-time’ with Him
  • Knowing that I have a daily purpose – to reveal to others the worth and beauty of God
  • Knowing that I have a sure future inheritance – a new body with categorically different abilities to see and savor God and His kingdom
  • Knowing that every single event that happens now – on earth – in my life is sent by God according to His plan for my well-being and that of others
  • Knowing that God will provide strength and wisdom and any other necessary resource for everything that He has planned for me this day

Resting on those facts and that understanding of life daily frames my life. And since the best is yet to come, I don’t feel compelled to:

  • ‘carpe diem’
  • or create and check off a bucket list

And maybe now, among those my age, I can offer a better way, a more satisfying path to the ‘good life’.  Why try to fill that void God deliberately allows to grow with self-directed projects, i.e. invented purposes and time fillers?

  • remodeling the house or buying a vacation home
  • traveling or cruising to pass the time
  • leaving a legacy so future family generations will remember Grandma & Grandpa

If there be any legacy I want to leave my grandkids it’s that the purpose of life is bigger than satisfying ourselves.  Knowing God and growing into the man or woman He plans will bring true fulfillment of a life well lived.

I read a French reflection each morning.  The verse highlighted today was Psalm 62:5

Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.

The French translation felt more meaningful:

  • Toi, mon âme, repose-toi paisiblement sur Dieu; car mon attente est en lui.
  • You, my soul, rest peacefully on God; for my expectation is in him.