How do you pay attention to your soul?

August 16, 2024

Maria Joshua 23, Loving God, Psalm 131, Soul Care, Soul growth , , , , , , 1 Comment

….Take good care in your souls to be in awe of LORD JEHOVAH your God !Joshua 23:11 Aramaic Bible in Plain English

As a counselor and translator for Hispanic women at Huntsville’s pregnancy resource center, I stood in the small room where a young mom from Guatemala and the father of her baby were viewing on a screen their unborn child for the first time.  The Mom was about 17 weeks along in her pregnancy.  The couple had a little girl with them, a three-year-old named Diana.

I always think of a child of three as the weaned child described in the Psalm who has quieted himself.  You know, that little one who doesn’t want anything from Mom but to be as close to her as possible.

But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. Psalm 131:2 NIV

This little girl was anything but calm.  She positively shrieked from time to time. Her rigid stance while steadily projecting a piercing, prolonged cry seemed not to disturb her parents. It unsettled me for sure, as well as Olivia the nurse scanning the mom.

I surmised that maybe in these early years of her life, ‘Mom’ had not safely provided for little Diana in a calm way. It’s hard to learn how to calm your soul if you haven’t ever felt loved and secure.

I sat down next to her and rubbed her back, trying to reassure her.  Next, I prayed in English over her, talking to Jesus. ‘Dad’ was sitting on a stool next to where the little girl’s mom lay.  I found it hard to get an answer to my questions in Spanish. “Did she not sleep last night?  Is she hungry?”  He smiled, but remained disengaged. Their only ‘tool’ was to hand over one of their iPhones to distract her.  It played nothing but raucous K-Pop at too-high-a-decibel level.

I’d shriek too, if I was fed that noise.

Before Joshua died, he pointed to God’s goodness in making good on all his promises to the Hebrews. Then he warned the 12 tribes to prioritize loving God above all else. How were they to do that?

By paying attention or guarding their souls with all their vehemence or strength.  Almost violently, so the Hebrew wording goes, feeling almost over the top.  Some translations choose ‘diligently’ to translate ‘good heed’ or mehode in Hebrew. But that sounds polite, even respectful.  In reality the Hebrew describes an effort that is: forceful, with intensity, with all measure of strength, using one’s utmost capacity. Think Olympic athletes.

We’re talking about loving God.  Why would that much effort be required?  Because our souls are wanderers, looking for something new, better or different. And if you’ve read much in the Old Testament, you can understand why God through Moses and Joshua kept repeating the same admonitions. 

I’m no different.  My passions sometimes overtake my interest in God. I tend to ‘geek out’ learning about alternative health remedies and acquiring languages.

Not bad pursuits in themselves, but they compete for my attention. They shift it away from eternal matters, like tending my soul and kindling more love for God.

I’m taking to heart this morning’s warning in Joshua.  I DO know what peace and comfort and contentment feel like.  More information or more progress in languages and health won’t provide ultimate things.  But God’s word and the life-pictures he provides encourage me to keep going back to ‘the one thing’ that is important. That I love the Lord, my God with all my heart and soul.  In his strength!

How do you ‘measure’ your day?

February 2, 2023

Maria Creation, God's Glory, God's will , 2 Comments

Two new paradigms came my way in the past week – model for evaluating the day’s activities.

Probably like most people, each morning I jot down a list of tasks, meetings and people to contact that day.  I’ve learned to hold these ‘assignments’ loosely, trusting God’s timing.

As I write this reflection piece, we are prepping to travel down to Florida to visit family.  Getting ready takes time away from my ‘normal’ Monday and Tuesday.  This morning as I thought through the day, I felt some stress mounting.

But then I remembered that I don’t have to measure the day according to ‘what I got done’. 

Yesterday during our church’s annual meeting, Joe reminded us how our church and each of us have already received our life’s purpose. (Older English calls our reason for being or existing our chief end):

“What is the chief end of man? Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.” Question 1, The Westminster Shorter Catechism

Joe added that when we pass from this life into the next, our purpose will remain the same.  We will have millennia to glorify and enjoy God.

How’s that for simplicity plus a resounding affirmation of our intentional creation by our supernatural, immaterial, invisible but VERY real God! We have been designed with a purpose, HIS purpose. We are not random accidents.

So, this morning as I tensed a bit looking over my list, the Holy Spirit reminded me, “Maria, your day does not consist in getting things done, checking off your ‘to-do’s’ Remember why I created you!”  I breathed easier.

If that were not enough, the Lord had already gifted me with another larger way to take stock of each day. Last Friday, I read something during my morning meet up with Jesus that prompted this journal entry:

“The most important thing about me is what is immaterial and therefore immortal – my soul!!!”

If that is true, and I believe it is, then shouldn’t I align all I do to support the health and growth of my soul? 

“Maria, what does THAT mean? And how do you relate ‘soul’ work to everyday life?”

I don’t have all that figured out, but I sense this is a seismic shift that has long been coming and for which I feel ready to receive and make the necessary changes in my thinking and thus in my doing.

I will leave you, however, with one particular way to apply these new paradigms of glorifying and enjoying God throughout the day and valuing my eternal soul more than my temporary and decaying body and mind.  If I don’t get to the gym, or pay bills, it’s still a good day if I obeyed Jesus and exercised patience and compassion. I fulfilled part of my purpose in this life, if I handed over all my worries to God and thanked him for everything that he brought my way.

I hope to update you in a couple of months and let you know how the Lord has been changing my daily priorities.

It’s easy to see what I care most about

November 18, 2021

Maria Lamentations 1, Philippians 4, the Heart , , , 1 Comment

“LORD, see my anguish! My heart is broken and my soul despairs, for…..? (fill in the blank) Lamentations 1:20 NLT

I’m writing this toward the end of November 2021.  Many people all over the world feel overwhelmed and live in life circumstances fraught with turmoil.  This sentence fragment could easily introduce someone’s lament today.

What are some verse completions that would fit?

Here’s what came to mind when I made a list…..

My heart is broken and my soul despairs because….

  • Covid feels like it’ll never end
  • Rude speech seems to be the norm
  • Our country seems hopelessly divided
  • Our politicians are self-centered
  • Too few governments take global warming seriously
  • Education today is deplorable
  • Racism seems to be permanent
  • My spouse has left me
  • My children don’t want to hang out with me
  • The cancer has come back
  • This mental illness my mom suffers from seems interminable
  • My dad shows no interest in the Lord
  • I still can’t find a job
  • No one understands how I feel

I’m sure you could add to the list.

But what did the author of Lamentations write? What caused him so much pain?

Drumroll……

His own personal disobedience to the Lord!

The sentence concludes with: ….for I have rebelled against you.

It’s not how I would have finished the verse.  The contrast between this man’s heart and my heart couldn’t be greater.

I focus most of my days on me and my activities. In sum: my little world of what and whom I care about.

You’ve heard it said that a useful evaluative tool for what you find important is to examine your checkbook or credit card statement to see how you spend your money.  If that is true, then food is way up there in importance, for my monthly grocery expenditures are pretty high!

I actually think a more accurate picture of what matters most to us is what we talk about.  What are the gripping go-to issues that spill out of our mouths when we’re with others? 

I think I bring up the latest on Covid, the number of cases, views about masking and not masking, being vaccinated and not with people I encounter.  In view of what pains our rebellious ‘lamenter’ most, what tends to grab my attention is what the Bible calls ‘vanity’, those fleeting and ephemeral matters.

‘Hold on a minute!’ you might say.  ‘My mom just died from complications with Covid.  That is no small matter!’  Of course, it’s no small matter.  But Jeremiah, or whoever wrote the book of Lamentations, no doubt also lost friends and family members in that harsh siege of Jerusalem.  Yet, his heart is what bothered him most of all.

That is why this verse models a better place to invest my strongest emotions.  How much better for you might it be if ALL that I was most concerned about became the state of my heart.  As Paul reminds us in his letter to the Philippians, “Let your gentleness be known to all. The Lord is near.” Chapter 4:5

You don’t care about my opinion regarding…. politics, or Covid, or even the best way to cook.  And who wants to hear my fears about our country or the world?  Besides they just show a distrust in our sovereign and good God.

May I tend the garden of my heart first! My relationship with the One whom I call Lord has to take first place in my thoughts, my heart and my words.

I’m retired, now what?

July 22, 2021

Maria Isaiah 49, Romans 11, Work , , 1 Comment

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Romans 11:36 ESV

I’ve been churning and angsting these days, trying to pinpoint my organizing principle, my ‘why’ for how I spend the time God allots me each week.  I retired from classroom teaching 28 months ago.  For decades teaching and other work occupied the ‘big rock’ position in my jar of time. The others hours in a week filled up the space around that central commitment.

Having actively participated in the work force all my life has made adjusting to ‘no more big rock’ a source of stress. When you don’t work for money, choosing wisely how to spend time is more difficult.

By grace, Mabel and Tom Kenney visited last week, bringing me a tool in the form of four questions. At one point Mabel had been at a similar crossroads in her life when a friend and fellow pastor to Tom suggested a way to think about new commitments. The first question pierced my heart: ‘What is it that no one else but you can do?’  As my thoughts flew to skills, Mabel shared her answer, stunning me: ‘No one else can be Tom’s wife!’ This had nothing to do with talents or life experience, but with God’s providential choice of her primary relationship.

“I and no one else am Mike’s wife!” How freeingly simple! Loving, tending, guiding and enjoying this man of mine is my primary calling.  With that direction, it was easy to consider my role with each of our family members. My time connecting with family is of highest value.

The second and third questions Mabel shared had to do with what we just absolutely LOVE and DON’T love doing. Priorities and activities began to fall naturally into a hierarchy of value.

Reading Paul’s proclamation from Romans 11 this morning gave me a new idea.  I laid verse 26 over my current struggles and rewrote it this way:

 FROM the Lord is this churn over priorities and time.  I am getting THROUGH it with him and it is TO him that I offer my efforts, my stumblings, my back-and-forths, so that he GETS the glory when he has completed this segment of the painting, the tapestry that is my life.

What helped me this morning after that written affirmation was to make two lists.  My dad used to deal with decisions about time and activities by dividing them into the ‘have-to-dos’ and the ‘nice-to-dos’. So, I formed two columns, writing down all the Maria-scheduled events of my week.  Bible reading, study, prayer and journaling claim first position of all my chosen commitments.  Then follow appointments for health maintenance such as exercise class, regular chiro adjustments, sleep, stretching. Home and food prep have their assigned days and times. Next come particular times during the week when I meet by Zoom with Hispanic friends for mutual Spanish and English progress. Then there are those ministries I participate in weekly at church and at our local pregnancy resource center.  Zoom calls with Mike’s mom show up twice a week. And once school starts back up, Noah and Vera will each have a weekly slot for their Zoom Spanish and French lessons. Last and certainly not least are two dear friends with whom regular interactions both support and feed my soul. Finally, reading in Spanish each afternoon while Mike takes his shower and gets cleaned up for dinner rounds out my list.  Those twenty minutes feed and settle my soul after a ‘full day of work’.

Then there are the ‘nice-tos’.  I starred and highlighted just one, writing this weekly blog.  Everything else falls below that, if there is time.  Activities like the weekly video for my ‘EnglishwithoutFear’ YouTube channel, writing vignettes about second language learning as well as life stories to pass on to my kids.  I do like to write.  The occasional walk and talk with a friend fit into this category of ‘if there is enough time in the week, let’s do it.’

When company comes or we travel, the schedule changes, of course. But most of my days are spent at home and starting with the ‘what can I do that no one else can’ served as the impetus to see and order all these activities.  I feel relief!

Then the Lord added his heavenly perspective. Regina called me this morning less than 2 hours after I made my list and gave me a section of Isaiah that she was praying specifically for me.

In a time of favor I have answered you……I will ….. give you as a covenant to the people……saying to the prisoners, ‘Come out,’ to those who are in darkness, ‘Appear.’ They shall feed along the ways; on all bare heights shall be their pasture…..Isaiah 49:8-9 ESV 

I saw immediately how I am one of Jesus’ heralds of life and light and hope. I have good news for prisoners of darkness and hungry sheep.  Feeding myself first in the morning and then daily self-care give me the ballast and energy to minister to others through my presence and through my writing.  This is enough.  I am content.  Thanks be to God.

One thing is necessary

August 28, 2017

Maria John 15, Luke 10, Supernatural Power, Thoughts, Trusting God, Unbelief, Worries, Worry , , , 3 Comments

40. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations to be made. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her to help me!” 41  “Martha, Martha, the Lord replied, “you are worried and upset about many things. 42 But only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, and it will not be taken away from her.”…  Luke 10: 40 – 42

A new school year started last week.  My anxieties came back to life after their sabbatical of 2 1/2 months.

What is at the root of these worries?  What I focus on during the school day.  Here’s my list of concerns – those situations where I lack confidence, occasions that intimidate me a bit:

  • Will I be able to capture and hold on to the attention of middle school kids?
  • Will I be able to create and carry out effective and engaging lessons, which actually result in them acquiring French?
  • Will I have sufficient time in my school day to complete teaching, planning, grading and handle all those extra duties teachers seem to have?
  • Will I feel free to spend time with my colleagues, listening and encouraging them, all the while accurately representing Christ?
  • Will I be able to grow the French program in the Middle School?

Those 5 matters I have turned into individual and multiple prayers that I send up to God frequently throughout the week.  Better to pray than to worry, right?

Yes and no.

Reading how Jesus corrected Martha and how He described her sister, Mary, caused me to think again.  Maybe I have miscalculated where I should invest the bulk of my energy. Rather than prioritizing and investing all my mental energy on ways to meet all these challenges, I should focus first on what actually might energize me and provide life.

Luke’s account of the two sisters who have just lost their dear brother Lazarus prompted me to imagine what Martha’s list might have looked like (had she written down what caused HER stress and anxiety:

  • Oh no!  Jesus just showed up and with his group of guys, too.  I’ve been feeding well-wishers and mourners for a week now.  What am I going to serve?
  • I’m exhausted!  Where am I going to find the strength and energy to fix more food. And who is going to butcher the lamb, now that our brother is gone?
  • I was going to send Mary around to the family that supplies our wine because we’re all out!  But look at her.  She just sat down with the men to listen to Jesus!  Where’s her head!  With all this work to do?  Doesn’t she care about me?  So this is the way it’s going to be now that Lazarus is gone. I should have figured!
  • Oh, my – Lazarus IS gone.  How are we ever going to make it, two women alone?

What is Jesus’ response, the God who knows all our thoughts and cares?   Read the 4 statements at the beginning of this post.   Freedom calls me with those enigmatic words of His: One thing is necessary.

What is Jesus NOT saying?  Does he tell Martha to skip all the food prep?  No!  Hospitality is a good thing.  But ultimately it doesn’t rank # 1.  We CAN live without food.

But we can’t live without Jesus.

So what did I see afresh in Luke’s account of a very familiar vignette?

It was how I evaluate a ‘good day’.  In past years, I’ve called it a ‘good day’ if I taught well. If I had a fruitful-for-the-kingdom conversation with someone.  If I completed my work.

But I can’t control any of those outcomes, hence my anxiety and uncertainty day to day.

So what IS necessary?  What is ‘the one thing’?

I can see more clearly how God has been moving me over the past 5 or 6 years to rely on Him throughout the day.  To look to and depend on His divine, supernatural Spirit for EVERY thought, word, action, and decision about the future.

Jesus and Paul challenged followers of Christ to stay ‘grafted in the Vine’, to ‘remain in union with Him’.  We actually are not meant to do anything apart from Jesus.  He even tells us we can’t.

  • John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me, you can do nothing.

So I have redefined what Maria calls a ‘good day’.  The one responsibility I have as Jesus’ lamb is to do all in His strength, aware of my position IN the Vine.

Teaching a ‘good’ lesson, completing my list, engaging in a fruitful conversation with a colleague – yes, these are important.  But I can’t control the outcomes.  Hence – perpetual anxiety.

But I CAN control my thoughts.  That ability is given to every Christian in whom lives God’s Spirit.

My goal and focus this school year is to rely on Jesus and seek to please Him that way. And when I forget my source for everything and start angsting about X, Y and Z, I can still please Jesus by repenting of sinful AND needless worry.  And call it a GOOD day!