The Sacrifice of Waiting

April 30, 2012

Maria Anxiety, Colossians, Hope, James, Matthew, Trust, Waiting , , , Leave a comment

Melissa is a friend of mine who is now on the other side of a longer-than-expected answer from God.  She and her husband prayerfully navigated the red tape and bureaucratic hoops to qualify to be adoptive parents. Shaped by tender hearts for unwanted children and already blessed with a son of their own, Melissa and Daniel had come to the strategic decision to adopt the rest of their children.  Here was a ‘good’ prayer, not a ‘self-serving’ prayer, a prayer in line with God’s will as James tells us:

James 1:27 NIV

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Once qualified by the adoption agency, Melissa and Daniel projected dates of baby # 2’s arrival. In August of 2010, they told us, “Most likely by Christmas, we’ll have our baby and Lucas will be 2 1/ 4 years old, a good age spread.”

But Christmas came and went. Several sets of their friends got pregnant with ‘Baby # 2’.  Melissa started to blog about the wait.  Said friends delivered ‘babies # 2’.  Other families on the waiting list were selected ahead of Melissa & Dan.  Our church prayed.  Melissa set a good example:  transparently sharing her disappointment but keeping on in the faith.  She set physical goals such as weight loss and running races.  Spiritual goals nurtured her wait; read through the Bible in 3 months – twice!!  “Okay, God, now I see why you have delayed our baby’s arrival, but the calendar is clear, now would be a good time!”

Not only did Melissa and Daniel have to deal with the surprising wait, they suffered disappointments too.  I don’t know how many ‘heads up’ calls or emails they received about different babies whose birth parents were considering them.  The emotional roller-coaster took its toll, almost hardening Melissa to want to not let her hopes be dashed again.

Then God surprised them with 2 sudden and newsworthy events: #1 – a call about a baby who had already been born and was to be assigned to them and  # 2 –  the news that they themselves were going to be birth parents again!  Not a scenario they would EVER have imagined!  But isn’t that just like our God!!

I’m sure Melissa has learned a lot about ‘The God of Continual Surprises’ – would that be ‘Jehovah-Hafta’ah’? (Looking up the Hebrew word I read that one yells out “hafta’ah” at a surprise party) 

What I have come to realize more profoundly praying and waiting with her and her husband is that “Waiting is a form of Worship”.  I first heard this concept at a weekend retreat about 4 years ago.  The speaker was still waiting for a grown daughter to be rescued from the Kingdom of Homosexual Darkness. During her talks she chronicled many of the lessons she had learned so far.

Not all waiting is worship-ful.  Obviously there is the anxious, nail-biting sort that the world has perfected.  This is actually more the norm than we might realize.  ‘First-world’ countries like ours and others in the West have perfected the cult of ‘now-ism’. We expect life (other people, weather and technology) to perform according to our expectations and meet our schedules.

Obviously God knew that anxiety would be a temptation.  Jesus commands us in Matthew 6:25 – “Do not worry…….”  Since this is more than a suggestion from God, we can’t ignore the sinful nature of worry and anxiety, qualities that stain much of our restless waiting.

So what transforms waiting into a worshipful gift to God?  Obviously our attitude makes the difference. I love to dig around language roots.  I’ve found that both the Hebrew and the Spanish translations of the word ‘to wait’ have the built-in meaning ‘to hope’.

As Christians, we know that God’s definition of ‘to hope’ means to know for a fact.  Our faith is not wishful thinking as in, ‘I hope it won’t rain tomorrow for the picnic’.  No, our faith is based on the assurance, the pledge and promise of a sure outcome. Remember then……. ‘Faith is being sure of what we hope for, certain of what we don’t yet see’ (Hebrews 11:1)

We don’t wait in a vacuum, unattached to reality.  We’re pinning all our hopes (NOT on the circumstances working out according to our plan and desires, but) on God’s promises which are based on his character.  God CANNOT lie, or else he wouldn’t be God.  So if He says something, it’s as good as money in the bank.  And when we take him at his word and actually lean into, relax, rest on that promise of future grace, we show not only the world of other believers and non-believers, we are broadcasting to the spirit-world as well.

I have a theory about the frustrating exhortation in Matthew 5 about letting our light shine (vs 16) – “Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.”

Super George the pagan (i.e. non-believer) lives next door to us.  As an excellent neighbor, George is often doing for others.  But no one thinks to glorify and bless God for George’s kindnesses.  We admire George!  So the verse can’t refer to helping others, plenty of non-Christians do those compassionate works.  Here’s what I think:  if we go back to Jesus’ answer to the frustrated Jewish crowd in John – Chapter 6 (‘But what must we DO to be doing the work of the Lord’), Jesus responds by telling the people that the work they are to do is to BELIEVE GOD.  Can’t you just hear them responding incredulously, “That’s it?  There’s got to be more than that!!!”

Sounds so simple, but it’s countercultural. And here is how Melissa and Dan lived out that countercultural message for the past two years.

Melissa’s response to the unreasonable and painful wait for Levi, her now-2-month-old baby boy, was to continue to trust God, even when she did not understand the reason for it.  Her example has demonstrated for us a lovely way we can honor God and create opportunities to tell others about God’s promises.

When we don’t angst, fret, stew, manipulate, throw a tantrum, demand our way, we show the world that whereas we don’t LIKE the circumstances, we are trusting God’s promise to:

-work out all things for our good (Romans 8:28)

-withhold no good thing (Ps 37)

-be our shepherd and provide all we need so we won’t want for anything (Ps 23)

-faithfully tend to us with new mercies and compassions while we wait (Lam 3)

Our calm response in the waiting will definitely glorify our Father in heaven, because we will be demonstrating without language that God IS real, personal and all-satisfying.  And when we calmly wait, faces turned toward God, we reflect His light, like the moon reflecting the sun.  This then is ‘letting your light shine before men’ in a way that points to God.

Finally, how can we pray for each other in future periods of waiting that inevitably will come?  More than just beseeching God to grant the ‘whatever’ to our friends, how about praying Colossians 1:11 – that they be strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that they may have great endurance and patience…. ultimately glorifying God.

I want more than a blessing

January 21, 2012

Maria 2 Corinthians, Anxiety, Genesis, James, Joy , , , Leave a comment

Genesis 24:1   Now Abraham was old, advanced in age; and God had blessed Abraham in every way.

So….what more could he want? Abraham had wealth, status, power and obviously favor with God.

If I were Abraham I would want a lot more:  CONTROL and ABSENCE OF PROBLEMS!

You see, Abraham, though amazingly blessed, still had a major challenge.  His son Isaac needed a wife, the right kind of woman who would be appropriate to play a major role in God’s promised plan.  So Abraham sent his oldest and most trusted servant (we never learn his name) on a long-shot mission, to persuade a suitable woman to come out in the middle of ‘nowhere’ to marry into a very strange family.

Here’s the point.  Even when we have ALL of God’s blessings, we still have to deal with problems.  Challenges/burdens are opportunities to trust God and wait with patience while praying steadfastly.  These unlikely ‘friends’ are also reminders to hold our desired ends lightly.  When faced with a problem, I usually know how I want it to work out.  My vision causes me to be anxious, because I realize that I lack the ability (control) to bring about what I want.  I chafe at this lack of assurance that my outcome will be realized.  So I regard problems as anathema and think sometimes that they should not even be, since I’m now a Child of God, a believer.

But God’s ways are not Maria’s. I think I’m getting a glimpse of how God has set up life for His children.

The only way we will continue to trust our Father is for us to be needy.  Problems are both God’s chosen means to insure on-going reliance on Him and a daily wake-up call that we are not in control.  He obviously thinks we are at risk of forgetting this fact.

Here’s what I’ve been pondering.  If God means problems to be woven into the fabric of human life, both for believers and pagans alike, then I should change how I look at them.  Yes, I know about Brother James’ ‘Pure Joy Club’ (….count it pure joy, my brothers when you meet trials of all kinds…James 1:2 ) but despite that verse and others from Paul, I still regard problems as ‘the enemy’!

Recently, however, I encountered a different way of looking at life.  And it’s tempting.  CS Lewis apparently divided the world into happy people and people who don’t LIKE to be happy.  Before reading this, I naively assumed that happy people were those with no more problems.  But maybe that species does not even exist.  If that is so, then maybe Paul was onto something when he affirmed (first paraphrasing 2 Cor 5:5 –since we have this down payment -i.e. Holy Spirit  of what is to come, ”Therefore,) we always feel cheerful, confident and courageous..…” 2 Cor 5:6a

So here’s my new prayer:  Father, enable me to remember hourly what You have done for me through my adoption and assigned inheritance and equipping me with the permanent Holy Spirit as a guarantee of what is mine.  Furthermore, so change my mind through your Holy Spirit Renovation project that just thinking of my adoption and inheritance cheers me to no end so that I take the daily problems in stride.  After all, stupid is the child of God who keeps problems to herself instead of casting them on her Father to handle.

More thoughts on prayer

September 14, 2011

Maria James, Luke, Prayer , Leave a comment

“You have not because you ask not”  – James 4:2b

– for Jesus said – “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” Luke 11: 9-10

The life of prayer is the greatest adventure in this world because God is the director.  Each trial brings more practice, new insights and a deeper understanding of what it means to

-acknowledge a need and my inability to meet it

-ask God specifically for what I think is needed

-trust Him that He will answer the need in His time and for the good of many people (some of whom I do not know)

-practice waiting as a form of worship

Wes and I had an experience when he was a senior in high school.  He and his friend had applied and visited West Point together.  Both passed all the requirements and were accepted, but Sam had a hiccup – he suffered from asthma and would need a medical exception in order to enroll as a candidate.  I was sure that if we prayed in faith and didn’t waiver that all would be well.  We prayed our hearts out for Sam.  As we approached the day of departure, I believed God would come through at the last moment.  And He did, but His answer was not what I had prayed for!

Sam instead enrolled at another college and enjoyed his four years.  I was really shocked that God did not change circumstances as a result of our praying.  Reflecting back, however, I gained new insight into prayer.  We cannot manipulate God.  I am learning that when I pray, trusting God means to hold loosely what I ask for and desire. It’s rather a waiting that He will sovereignly bring about what is best.

And since I cannot see the big picture, I have to let go of my plans.

I’m now facing a situation that is out of my control.  It has to do with travel plans for a family wedding, the Army and this son Wes who is now a lieutenant. The best laid plans of civilian moms can be interrupted by Uncle Sam.  Today as I pray, I wait peacefully.   I don’t feel as desperate for my way to be done.  I won’t manipulate God.  I will wait on Him. And if we have to move to Plan B, I will trust His guidance with those decisions.

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

May 5, 2011

Maria Fear, John , , , Leave a comment

The other day a dear friend was sharing how happy he feels since becoming engaged to a wonderful woman.  But he admitted to a bit of anxiety, waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak.  It seems that he lives with a fair amount of cognitive dissonance that comes from maintaining a public persona.  As a PK (pastor’s kid) he perfected his public performance as a charming, considerate and gracious son, in contrast (per his mom’s repeated messages) to his ‘normal’ behavior at home.  What does his not uncommon childhood have to do with his current happiness?

In his mind, I think, he has made his current blessing from God conditional on his maintaining his ‘good’ self. After all, we are trained to work for rewards.   Deep down inside he feels unworthy and he knows he is not the good person he projects.  What if he can’t keep up his performance?  Will the rewards be taken away?   Besides this fundamental unworthiness, there is also fear; fear that if people REALLY knew him, they would reject him.  So fear of losing what makes him happy and fear of possible shame create a small lurking cloud of potential suffering.

Jesus says that if we know the truth, the truth will set us free. (Romans 8:32) To my friend and all of us who feel guilty, hear the good news:  We ARE guilty…we ARE bad….far worse than we admit.  This suspicion that we are truly bad is based on truth. And God doesn’t worry about our self-image.  He tells us straight up. He glances at all the good stuff we do and says through Isaiah (64:6) that our best deeds are like filthy rags to him.  How’s THAT for not mincing words!!!

But God (2 great words) loves us anyway.  He is willing to cover us (remember Adam & Eve when they felt ashamed because of their sin?).  And in order to protect our dignity as image-bearers, He is willing to shed another’s blood (an animal in the Garden; his son on a hill).

How is that truth freeing to us?  Because we no longer have to pretend to ourselves that we are good.  And since EVERY other human on this planet is just as guilty and evil as we are, why pretend with OTHERS?   Think of the energy freed up by not having to maintain two Selves?

Now what about the blessings?  Fear of losing someone we love is natural.  One becomes vulnerable when one loves.  Just get a pet or have a baby; you know what I mean!  So suffering is inevitable.  We can’t prevent it.  But we CAN know that it is not random.  All suffering is filtered through God’s hands.  And He promises to be with us in the midst of suffering.

I’ll leave you with a thought about how to view suffering.  Tim Keller quoted a Jonathan Edwards sermon on contentment.  Summarizing Edwards, Keller wrote that contentment or peace depend on knowing deep down inside three things:

  1. All the bad stuff in our life God uses and brings good out of it for us
  2. All the truly good stuff in our life, we can never lose, such as…

a)   The fact our names are written in God’s book of life

b)   The fact that we’re justified and have been adopted by Him and have a huge inheritance that we  can draw on even now

c)    The fact of Christ’s intercession for us at God’s right hand

3. The best is yet to come!

So dear friend and to all of us…fear not!

When God says ‘No!’

May 2, 2011

Maria Hope, Luke, Prayer , , Leave a comment

God just closed a door.  The job at Scott AFB (near St Louis) to which Mike had applied posted a change in status on Friday – the job itself has been withdrawn.  (Perhaps funding to fill it was pulled??)  Mike’s West Point classmate was in charge and had actually asked Mike to apply.  Mike had made the first cut and was told that he was in the top 5-6 being considered for interviews.  The activity at Scott was his old agency that had moved from Newport News to Illinois four years ago. Not only was he very familiar with the work and the people, but he was qualified for the job.  We had not moved with his former agency when it was ‘BRAC’ed because at the time, my dying father was still living in Williamsburg.  It was at that point that Mike was hired to work at JFCOM, all so we could stay in the area for my Dad.

Since applying for this other position 9 weeks ago, we had been patiently living in limbo.  At least now, we know that we aren’t moving.  This job was his last iron in the fire. Other jobs he had applied for (Ft Monroe, Charlottesville, and Huntsville) have all come back as NOs.

Mike and I are trusting that God will give him energy to continue on in the dysfunctional remnant of JFCOM for the next two years until he can retire from the government and seek something else.  The expectation for the same amount of work and projects continues but the command has been stripped of contractors.  So whereas Mike was division chief with people who supported him, now he is on his own, but expected to do the same work.

We will continue to look to Him who richly provides.  Circumstances have no power over us, only God.  I had asked God to help me encourage and support Mike if and when the door shut.  And God is faithfully meeting that need.

At least it looks like I will still be at Summit Christian Academy, teaching French 1-4 and Logic to 8th graders next year.  There are other good reasons to stay. Our church is a blessing.  I have signed up to be trained this summer to teach ESL, a new ministry at Calvary.  Mike continues to teach Sunday School.  And we have many friends here – it would have been hard to leave.

I am praying that God would provide hope to Mike.  He does have hope for life eternal with Jesus, but would like something tangible and earthly to enjoy, to look forward to.  Work does not provide this kind of satisfaction.  Yes, I know, men are meant to toil. And because of the Fall, work is more frustrating since Adam.  But I would really love for him to know that he makes a difference each day and receive that kind of satisfaction.  Nothing is too small to ask God about.  Jesus explicitly taught us to pray expectantly, boldly, with intensity and fervor as a little child bugging her daddy.  Think about the widow who kept at the unjust judge or the man who woke up his neighbor to outrageously ask for food in the middle of the night.

So please join with me in praying for a man who wants to make a difference in his work.  I admire him.  He has integrity.  He is a man who daily seeks to provide value to his bosses and peers and subordinates.

Let’s see what God will do, with us living expectantly, our eyes on Him.  Just a few minutes ago as we were processing this news, he shared one of the ‘take-aways’ he has gotten from BSF and the study of Isaiah – that God is a god who acts.

May the God who does creatively more than we can ask or envision receive much glory in this situation.  And may we learn and display the truth that Jesus is SO gratifying, that despite a trying job, Jesus is enough.  Oh Lord, help us to be the kind of sons and daughters who make you proud.

A theology of Nos

March 1, 2011

Maria Hebrews, James, Prayer Leave a comment

The fervent prayers of a righteous woman make a lot of power available (James 5:16 – my version of the amplified)

Do all your prayers to God get answered?  How many Yeses have you had?  How many NOs?  How do you measure and track the results?  Recently a significant NO made me stop and think about my tally.

-God has given me many Yeses, many I have taken for granted

-The NOs actually teach me more because they cause me to pause, think and pray all the more.  The NOs teach me about God and about myself.  I want to talk about 3 NOs and 2 Yeses.

Ten days ago God closed a door.  I had been praying boldly in faith that not only would Mike secure an interview, but he would be chosen for a certain local civil service job.  The first cut was not a problem, but 3 weeks later he saw that he was a ‘non-select’.  Not being called for the interview hurt!  By our reckoning, he was imminently qualified.

This NO got me thinking about other NOs.  In the past 23 years, I can only recall 2 significant ones.  I’m sure there have been others, but they have faded from my memory.   More significant are the multitude of Yeses – hundreds of them: yeses to big prayers, to little prayers, to quick prayers and to long-term prayers. In fact just yesterday, a major YES came through, that is: safety and success for Wes in his Ranger course.

So what have I learned from the NOs? :  That I’m not in charge, that God truly does know best, that He has my best interests at heart, and that God has his reasons whether we know them or not.  Not bad lessons.

Our first NO was a response to another prayer about a job.  We wanted to stay in Germany where we were living in1983.  Doors shut and the fish weren’t biting, so we moved back to the States near where my parents were living.  My mom dropped dead, without a warning, 1 ½ years later.  In hindsight I saw the blessing to me and to our boys of that time with my mom.  Had we stayed in Europe (my heart’s desire) we would have been the poorer.

The other NO came as an answer to a fervent daily prayer that Wes and I offered on behalf of his friend who had applied to West Point as well.  Asthma blocked this boy’s admission and no waiver was forthcoming.   Frankly, I was shocked that God didn’t grant the waiver.  I truly thought that if we prayed in faith we could……what? …manipulate God?  I guess so!  That was a reality check.  God doesn’t always do what I think is best.

On the other hand, here are two Yeses that have been cooking for a long time.  I don’t think I really believed that God would answer them, (prayers wrapped in agnosticism).

Since I was 16 (I am now 53) I have struggled with eating issues. First there was bulimia…that God miraculously removed from my repertoire of destructive actions.  But since that deliverance at age 25, I have still struggled, prayed and cried about my body, obsessing over all things food and body.  Now, however, in the past 3 months, God has given me a way to eat and to maintain my weight without obsessing.  I am amazed.  He really DOES answer long-term prayers.

The other long-term prayer has to do with professional skill.  I switched to a completely different method of teaching French 8 ½ years ago.  It has been VERY difficult, because it is a skill that requires thinking on one’s feet and depending on the energy of the students, similar to an ‘Improv’ artist and his audience.  My husband has prayed along side of me, encouraging me with lots of love as he did when I was bulimic.  And again, in the past 3 months, I have popped out above the clouds and the skills have jelled. My confidence and delight in teaching this way have rapidly grown.  An unexpected answer to prayer, it alighted on my shoulder almost unnoticed at first.

In conclusion, here is what I have learned from the NOs and the Yeses.  I am ‘owning’ the command to “pray always”, being watchful and thankful.  As I pray, I totally FEEL that I can trust God to answer the prayers as He sees fit.  He knows all the circumstances and is immensely creative and patient. And I do not grow in prayer only through my own experiences, as if in a vacuum.  Answers to my own prayers are not alone in spurring me on.  Each time another brother and sister in Christ bids me pray for a need and then shares their rocky journey toward the answer (whether a No or a Yes) I am encouraged. For I am reminded that God IS listening and He DOES care.   That is the blessing gained from belonging to the body of Christ and being transparent and unashamed.

“Let us continue to spur one another to love and good deeds (PRAYER), not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the day approaching” Heb 10: 24-25

 

“Far as the curse is heard” – applying Oswald Chambers

December 13, 2010

Maria Peace, Prayer , , Leave a comment

First – here is Oswald Chambers’ post for 13 December – I’ve cut just a few sentences to make it shorter.

“Men ought always to pray, and not to faint” Luke 18:1

You cannot intercede if you do not believe in the reality of the Redemption;  (otherwise – my word) you will turn intercession into futile sympathy with human beings…… In intercession you bring the person, or the circumstance that impinges on you before God until you are moved by His attitude towards that person or circumstance. ……..

Our work lies in coming into definite contact with God about everything, and we shirk it by becoming active workers. We do the things that can be tabulated but we will not intercede. ……

The thing to watch in intercession is that no soul is patched up, a soul must get through into contact with the life of God. Think of the number of souls God has brought about our path and we have dropped them! When we pray on the ground of Redemption, God creates something He can create in no other way than through intercessory prayer.

My application –

Reading this exhortation to pray on the basis of the redemption made me realize how SHALLOW are my prayers.  Normally I pray, “Dear God, please bless Sally and help her with her busy day.”

That’s a wimpy prayer.  Come on, Maria, you can do better. Put some muscle in that prayer! Pray like you mean it!  Here are the two options, depending on my friend’s status with God:

  • Lord, you have paid the price to rescue Sally from being under the curse of God’s justifiable wrath.  She now has peace with God and access to His throne and you as her heavenly intercessor. Awaken her awareness of all the spiritual blessings and promises of future grace at her disposal because of the work you did at the cross.  Help her to remember THIS TREASURE. Remind her of your promise to provide all the grace she needs for each need this busy day.

Or for a friend who is not yet a believer

  • Lord, thank you for the painful need (whatever the circumstances) in Sally’s life.  Continue to make her aware of her inability to handle life on her own.  Open her eyes to the real and present danger of living under the curse of God’s wrath.  May she SEE Jesus and realize that through his death on the cross, he absorbed the judgment due her.  May she embrace and receive that act on her behalf as the most amazing gift of all.  May she then treasure her new relationship with God and learn to come frequently and easily to your throne with each detail of her life.  May she learn EARLY that she is not meant to handle life on her own.  Thank you for this circumstance in her life that you are using to bless her.

Please pray that I may care enough about my friends and family members to invest this kind of time and energy in praying for them.  And pray for me this way!

The Gift of Waiting

December 4, 2010

Maria Peace, Prayer, Psalm 40 , , Leave a comment

Ps 40 :1-3  I waited patiently for the Lord.  He turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud & mire. He set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.   He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.

**

I’ve been waiting a long time for God to act in my husband’s life about a particular need.  He’s always felt frustrated with work. He hasn’t found a place YET where the fit was good, where he could blossom, grow and contribute in a way that brought him joy.  Nonetheless, he has continued to work hard, amply providing for our family.

So I have prayed for years and waited, watching expectantly.  I have learned how to pray, how to nurture that humble attitude that commands us to cast all our cares on the One who loves us.  As I have matured during this wait, I have practiced casting those anxieties back onto God.  My prayers for my husband have grown very specific, that by this provision of an appropriate job, God would open rivers on bare heights, bring dead bones to life, turn his gloom into noonday and exchange mourning for joyful oil.  And I wait, patiently.  Through years of learning to pray, trust and wait for God to reveal His solution, my confidence in Him has grown.  Here is how that has transpired.  And I think this may be one benefit to waiting.

While God tarries in this situation, I am encouraged each time He DOES answer prayers among brothers & sisters in Christ.   I am blessed to be attached to a church family, part of which is Calvary Reformed Presbyterian Church in Hampton, VA and part of which is the wider body, the near and far-flung Christian friends & family.  I hear answers to prayers on a regular basis.  Each time God acts in someone else’s life, my faith in Him grows deeper.  He IS who He says He is.  He DOES act according to His word.  Hallelujah!

Even though our verse of the new song hasn’t been written yet, the larger choral number is nevertheless being assembled as more and more Christian friends are pulled out of their own pits.  And I keep my voice warmed up to sing that hymn of praise about our particular need.

Evidence of empty pits

  • Recently conceived triplets for a couple who has prayed long & hard
  • A teacher to fill a school vacancy.   The 2 ladies who did double duty to ‘cover’ that class have kicked off their shoes to dance the King David Jig
  • A recovered West Point ring for a friend’s son
  • A reconciliation and warming among two elders in another church
  • Business leads and contacts beginning to come in for a young entrepreneur
  • A report of ‘no more cancer’ for a student’s mom
  • A friend’s change in medication that has made a big difference in chronic fatigue
  • A local job and promotion for a student’s dad when he was going to have to move away
  • Deployed friends’ safe returns
  • The miraculous arrival of an unpilfered container to missionaries in Africa

Each time God answers one of these prayers, I rejoice and my resolve to ‘hypomeno’ (persevere, abide, endure with joyful patience, hold on TIGHT) grows.

I know that God has our best interests at heart, even if that means that He doesn’t answer this prayer the way I have asked.  Thus I can rest in the fact that we have the God of Jacob, the Lord of Hosts sovereignly at work in our lives.  Surely the lessons learned in the process are priceless treasures.

And speaking of treasure, in closing I’ll quote a curious verse that is growing dear to me:

Is 33:6 – And He (Yahweh – the Lord) shall be the stability of your times; a wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge.  The fear of the Lord is your treasure.

This fear of the Lord refers to a CORRECT view of God and thus treating Him as He is: sovereign creator and Lord of us all.  When we begin to value and love God for who He is, then we begin to realize the treasure we have.  Who would not want to be in the correct relationship with the Creator/Artist who designed and chose us?  Since we are His creation, He will ensure that we fulfill the purpose for which He designed us.

Be at peace.

 

The pain and blessing of discouragement – or where is that abundant grace?

October 27, 2010

Maria 2 Corinthians , , 2 Comments

2 Cor 9:8 – And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all-sufficiency in all things you may have an abundance for every good work.

This is my 3rd year teaching one particular French class and I have let this class color my school life. I live with daily discouragement.   When I teach their class, I feel inadequate as a French teacher. It’s partly because of their personalities and partly because I have not yet developed sufficient skills with TPRS® (teaching proficiency and reading through story-telling), the foreign language methodology I use for French.

They are a quiet group of students with little inclination to use their imaginations. Their lack of participatory energy makes my skills all the more necessary to carry the class.  I feel like a stand-up comedian whose jokes fall flat.  It’s uncomfortable.  My French 1s and 2s are very imaginative and eager to create stories.  It’s easy to work with their momentum and interest.  We play a mutual game, this tossing language back and forth.  Class with those two levels is productive and satisfying because the burden is shared.

My daily negative evaluation and self-talk is ongoing.  But so are my prayers.  My verse this week has been Paul’s encouraging words meant to assure us that we risk nothing by sowing a lot.  If we sow much, we will reap much, because it’s God who causes the increase.  Let me assure you that I sow plentifully and pour myself into this class and still feel pathetic as a teacher.

I’ve been talking to God a lot these days.  My conversation has been something like the elder brother – “Lord, I’m working really hard, reading what other practitioners write, trying new things and I’m frustrated. I pray continuously and acknowledge that I am helpless and needy.  You know that I have limited time and can only invest so much into lesson prep.  I’m offering the widow’s mite, the 5 loaves and 3 fishes, depending on you to make it be enough.  I’m not even asking for leftovers.  Just make what I have to offer be enough!!!!  Why don’t you help me?  It’s not fair!!”   I can be VERY whiny!!

But this morning I had a glimmer.  Something worked well in French 2 and I saw how I might be able to apply it to French 3.  Could it be that God is letting me just stew and struggle against the waves and find my way?  I don’t want that.  I want the rough waters to part. I want smooth sailing.  I want to feel like I’m a competent teacher with skills that always work.  I don’t like living like one of those salmon struggling to make her way up stream.  I don’t like being the caterpillar pushing against the cocoon.  In short, I don’t like on-going flailing, depending on God and waiting for His help.  But maybe more is at stake in my struggle than just feeling comfortable with my skills.

This morning I was reading in Charles Spurgeon about a time when a heaviness would not lift.  He had been feeling despondent and finding no sin to repent of, he wondered at his depressed state of mind. He repeatedly asked God to restore to him a state of thankfulness and joy.  As it happened, a very troubled man came to him for help that Sunday after services.  Because Spurgeon had been feeling so empty, he was actually able sufficiently to identify with the man’s feelings and offer him Gospel hope.  Now he saw why God had allowed him to remain discouraged.  He would not have been able to connect as well with the miserable man who sought him out.  Spurgeon’s conclusion was that sometimes God causes us to feel a certain way for the benefit of someone else.  If we belong to Him, we should submit to however God chooses to use us.

So, dear Lord, I will labor on and trust that you know what you’re doing with me and this French class.  May your will be done!

About God’s glory – what I learned on my school’s retreat

October 12, 2010

Maria Acts, Attitude, Ephesians, Psalms, Uncategorized , , , , Leave a comment

Psalm 19:1-2

1 The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

2 Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge

So whose glory are you intent on displaying?  Whose knowledge?  If nature purposefully magnifies God, why don’t we?

These are questions I ask myself daily.  For over a year, I have been painfully aware that I am more interested in communicating my talents and my uniqueness, hence ‘my glory’ than I am about making God look good.  Yet my daily prayer is, “Give me this day Lord, an opening to say something that makes much of you”.  Rarely, do I achieve that.  Now, to be truthful, I pray in the morning and then the rest of the day I fall back into my natural thought patterns of wanting someone to find me fascinating and ask me about my life.  Yes, I am well aware that this is pretty pathetic and also sinful.  I am stealing God’s glory.  After all, the reason you & I are alive is to glorify God.  So daily, I am NOT fulfilling my God-given purpose.

Last week our school, Summit Christian Academy, dedicated 3 days to an off-campus retreat.  The schedule for teachers and 7th-12th graders included community service, outdoor activities, free time, a talent show, games, small group time and a speaker.

The pastor’s theme was something to do about living a radically different life.  But God’s theme for me was, “How NOT to Rob God of His Glory”.  I was primed.  The young man from Lynchburg spoke for 3 one-hour sessions and it was in the last 10 minutes of Session 3, that God gave me specific insight on how to accomplish my heart-felt prayer.

The text was Acts 19: 13-16.  There were seven sons of a Jewish priest named Sceva.  These sons were exorcists who had observed Paul invoking Jesus’ name and driving out evil spirits.  They tried to copy Paul, although they were not believers.  At one point during an exorcism, a demon spoke out, frightening the seven fakers.  He said, “Jesus I know, and I know about Paul, but who are you?” And of course, these startled and petrified men fled, leaving their very clothes behind them.

The pastor’s point (that God tailored to me) was that as long as we have our own agenda and are living for ourselves, we are NO threat to the spirit world, the world of demons. In fact, we are like the seven sons of Sceva, totally unknown to Satan’s minions.  Self-absorption, therefore, is a guarantee of totally ineffectiveness on behalf of the Kingdom of God.  I will add the other SELF-sins:  SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS, COMPLAINING, WORRY, SELF-PITY, DEFENSIVENESS.  You get the picture.  As long as we are just about ourselves, we are certainly not glorifying Jesus.

But, if we realize that by our living for God’s glory, we can ‘stick it to the spirit world’ as the pastor put it, we are fulfilling our purpose.  When we don’t complain amidst difficult circumstances, we are a threat to the dark side.  When we are praising God for who He is, when we are praying, when we are patiently waiting year after year – in faith for God to work in someone’s life, we are taking a stand for the worth of God’s glory.   In short, when our thought life is so immersed in God instead of in us, we are confounding ‘the spiritual forces of wickedness’.

Paul is explicit in his letter to the Ephesians when he says that our fight is not against flesh and blood, but…..

We are ….contending against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.

As you can see, this pastor’s words during our retreat were the practical ‘how-to’ I needed to actively glorify God instead of Maria.  What is SO encouraging to me is that in light of what my purpose is and equipped with these concrete steps, I can now see how every day matters.  There doesn’t have to be any such thing as a wasted day, no matter how my personal ‘stuff’ goes.  Problems, setbacks, failures as well as successes are ALL occasions to wait, thank God, trust Him and pray.   I can also encourage someone who is flat on her back in the hospital or constrained in a nursing home that her life also matters, no matter her physical limitations.  One’s good attitude matters, one’s prayers for others matter, one’s good cheer matters, and how one spends her waking hours DOES make a difference in God’s kingdom.

So thank you Pastor Matt.  I, too, will enjoy opening my eyes each morning and imagining the spiritual forces of darkness grumbling, “Oh no, she’s awake!”

 

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