God did infinitely more than I imagined.

November 30, 2025

Maria Fear, Psalm 40, Spiritual Warfare, Temptation, Trusting God , , , , , , 1 Comment


What if It’s Wonderful? — title of a book by Nicole Zasowski

I read Nicole’s account of listening to God rather than her fears probably four years ago. Her title has become one of my “tools” for battling the temptation to picture negative outcomes. Nicole, a believer in Christ, suffered multiple miscarriages before delivering a healthy baby. She learned to keep trusting the goodness of God despite her past.

“What if it’s wonderful?” turned out to be key this Thanksgiving week. Our family of 12 gathered at our oldest son’s house in Tampa. Mike and I drove down to join our six grandchildren, our two sons, and their wives.

Prior to this journey south, I had indulged in some fearful imagining based on previous experiences with family. On several occasions as grandparents, we had not met the expectations of our sons and their wives in our interactions with the kids.

To top it off, Mike and I had been home not even two weeks from our last trip, and Mike was slowly recovering from a cold. He was feeling the pressure to complete audio work and assist the choir with a strong voice before we departed. We were both stressing.

That is when God started to work His wonders.

By Sunday morning, He had restored Mike’s voice. The choir at Westminster Pres assisted all of us in praising God with song. Later that afternoon, Mike completed some audio work, and we departed with a thankful heart the next morning.

Starting on day one, I made two constant requests of the Lord: one, that our four grandchildren driving down from Virginia would remain healthy so they could enjoy being with their Florida cousins; and number two, that Mike and I would simply enter into all the activities, relax, and enjoy each moment.

I kept hoping and praying, “What if it’s wonderful?” I also asked two friends to lift us up to the Lord each day.

Family holidays are prime time for spiritual attack and for sin to separate us. During our four days with everyone, I sometimes interpreted facial expressions, imagining that someone was not pleased with me. I know—I can be an insecure mother-in-law! As an only child of older parents, I did not grow up with extended family. I never enjoyed the delight of hanging out, basking in the love of grandparents, cousins, uncles, and aunts.

Guess what? The Lord did provide for a marvelous visit. I bet you’re not surprised. After all, this is God who sets us in families and gives us friends. Why wouldn’t He do something more than we could ask or imagine?

All 12 of us remained healthy.

The sun shone, and we spent a lot of time outside. All six kids benefited from fresh air and playful exertion.

Graham and Shay offered their Airbnb to us and our other son and his family. We all had plenty of space.

Laughter reigned as all 12 of us played multiple group games each day.

A sourdough disaster turned into a learning experience for me, thanks to my daughter-in-law Anne. I had brought some sourdough starter and my Dutch oven to make bread with Vera.

We all connected in one-on-one conversations and gained fresh insights about how others think and what energizes them.

Finally, as a small “kiss” from the Father to Mike, my husband shared cigars and conversation last night out by the Hampton Inn firepit with another guest. This was a first.

Our takeaway? Our minds, when predicting the future, can only draw on past experiences. But God is infinite. My motto remains: What if today is wonderful!

You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
 Psalm 40:5 ESV

Power dressing by borrowing Christ’s clothes

October 14, 2021

Maria Abiding, Ephesians 6, Luke 24, Philippians 1, Struggles, Trusting God , , , , 1 Comment

And behold, I am sending the promise of my Father upon you. But stay in the city until you are clothed with power from on high. Luke 24:49 ESV

I lay awake for a long time the other night ‘thinking through’, (i.e., worrying about) Thanksgiving week when all five of our grandchildren and their parents will be with us.  I don’t ‘do grandparenting’ well.  I often feel insecure in my ability to plan activities and engage naturally.

I woke up tired, knowing that I’d be depending on the Lord for energy to serve at the pregnancy center this morning, as well as the day’s other commitments.

After reading the Bible selections for the day, I turned to my Andrew Murray book Abide. The next chapter following where I had left off the previous day dealt with Holy Spirit power.

I began to feel a bit energized as I copied in my journal one of Murray’s meaningful passages: ‘When Jesus strengthens believers, it is not by taking away the sense of feebleness and giving in itself the sense of strength….He actually increases our sense of utter impotence.’

Murray went on to explain that our feebleness and his strength actually co-exist, side by side.

Then this ‘money’ sentence hit me like a glorious two-by-four.  ‘….all our strength is in Christ, laid up and waiting for use.’  Now THAT was worth a sleepless night.  Here is what the Holy Spirit clarified for me.  Of course, I feel helpless, weak, ill-equipped as a grandmother, just as I did when I taught French in the classroom. That is intentional, so that I count on and rejoice in God’s power made available to me. Jesus brims with creativity, energy, joy, and knows perfectly how to engage kids.

Then another coin dropped, that God has intentionally given me some painful experiences that have led me to conclude that I don’t have what it takes to be a fun grandma. (It is given to you both to believe….. and to suffer….. Philippians 1:39). Furthermore, he perfectly timed my sleepless night to prepare me to receive THIS particular Andrew Murray piece about being clothed with God’s power.

Jesus in the Luke passage says we will be CLOTHED with the Father’s promised power.  It’s like a garment, a cloak of strength.  It’s not OUR strength.  We have to trust, count on and rely on the garment of Christ’s power. All by faith in the invisible promise of God.

I might not ever feel okay as a grandmother of young children. I might forever feel like I’m NOT enough so that my grandkids really sense that I enjoy them and that I make them feel cherished.

The good news, the GRAND news, is that God expects me to be enough, to be strong and capable and equipped IN the Lord. (Ephesians 6:10). 

Now, I have a concrete way to picture accessing divine vigor and creative abilities through slipping into Jesus’ power coat. I’m not meant to grandmother on my own. Or do anything, for that matter, in my own Maria strength.  So glad!

Fatal False Guilt

September 29, 2013

Maria 1 Peter, Anxiety, Guilt, Romans , , , , 2 Comments

You might be a fellow member of the False Guilt Club.  I actually don’t remember being invited to join.  I think I just woke up one day and realized I was already a practicing adherent.

I spend SO much of my mental energy feeling guilty for not living up to the expectations and thoughts I imagine others have about me.

How do you know if you’re a member?

You’re a member if  SHOULD is an active part of your self-talk.

“I know I should……. (but I don’t want to)”

  • call my family members & friends more often
  • go back to church for the evening service
  • join a small group
  • attend more student extra-curricular functions at school
  • share more  time and life with neighbors
  • engage with my students in the hallway more
  • be a better wife to my husband in ways I think he must want
  • plan more creatively for holidays, birthdays…..

I spend so much energy and a good portion of my thought life dialoguing back and forth with ME about how I’m not the kind of person that I think others would like me to be,  and about how I don’t measure up to their expectations.

I’ve been asking God to help me get a handle on this, because it drives me nuts and depresses me.  I used to engage in this a lot as a parent.  That’s why I never wanted to read parenting books – they were fodder for more guilt.  Now that guilt-ridden self- talk has been renewed since I have become a grandparent.  I don’t measure up to my peers who are already grandparents.  I don’t sew clothes, Skype frequently, spend a lot of time helping the parents (our kids) out.

As I have prayed through this and thought about what the Bible has to say about guilt, I am exploring the difference between conviction of sin (result of Godly guilt) and misplaced fear of man.  This wrong ‘fear’ of man instead of  the healthy ‘fear/respect/awe of God’ is a plot straight from the pit of Hell.  Satan loves to get us so knotted up, focused MORE on us and less on God.

God speaks through Paul when He assures us that as adopted members of His family,

  • ‘there is now no condemnation for those who are united to Christ by faith’ (Romans 8:1).  With that GREAT news as a foundational truth, we are ready to hear more from God.  Through Peter, God instructs us
  • “to…… put away …. all deceit and hypocrisy and envy.” (1 Pet 2:1)  The Message refers to deceit & hypocrisy as pretense.

It IS pretense when I DO something in order NOT to feel guilty for NOT doing it.  When I pretend that I want to do what I THINK you want me to do that’s just plain false.  My sole motivation is to avoid guilt and to project a certain image so you’ll approve of me and  think well of me.

Isn’t it better to be honest in a tactful and loving way and ask God to give us the desire to do what HE wants us to do?  Maybe there’s a Holy Spirit reason we gravitate towards some activities and not others.

Last year I was asked to substitute in the nursery at church for a friend.  I’m glad I didn’t have much time to angst about it. I said straight away, “Sorry, I don’t like serving in the nursery. I’ll gladly sub for you in MS or HS Sunday School, or in the kitchen or even cleaning bathrooms at church!” I know she was shocked by my confession of not really being into babies. ( I loved MINE and I’m prejudiced toward our grandkids, even if I don’t think I’m as good a grandparent as everyone else.  And there’s a reason why I teach kids aged 11 on up!)

How do you handle the imagined ‘shoulds’ in your life?  Have you come across any Biblical references to this kind of emotional turmoil?