Do you need humbling?

April 11, 2024

Maria God's Discipline, God's Sovereignty, God's wisdom, Humility, Philippians 2, Psalm 149 , , , , , 1 Comment

He crowns the humble with victory. Psalm 149:4 NIV

A dear friend of ours, a pastor, is undergoing a Calvary-like experience. He and four other ordained ministers are being unjustly accused by an insecure senior pastor of many things. Over the past two years at his church, these experiences have been growing progressively worse. All those who are standing with him pray for ‘victory’ soon.

His painful trial triggered a memory of the humbling trauma I endured at my last school. Lasting almost six years, it blind-sided me. With joy and excitement, I had started a school year, in this new environment with 21 years of teaching French behind me.  Never did I anticipate what the Lord would put me through.

Half-way into my first year, some disgruntled parents painted a false picture of how I had treated their middle-schoolers.  The administration, anxious to keep them as paying clients at this high-end private school, sided with them.  I spent the rest of my time under probation, with much documentation of my ‘progress’ or lack in my official file.

Even though the accusations were unfounded in my mind, I did grow spiritually.  I clung more to Jesus than I had in recent years. I trained myself to submit to the shame-producing supervision and frequent evaluations.  My stomach learned to produce acid each time the principal’s secretary notified me that ‘Jeff’ wanted to meet with me.

I came out of those years a more humbled woman, a better teacher and grateful for the support I received from family, a few close friends and a couple of sympathetic colleagues. 

I had undergone a previous humbling story at an earlier school, half-way through my teaching years. Never did I anticipate another one. Nor did I imagine God’s other delivery method of lessons in humility, family members!  (I’ve already written about that in this blog.)

So, what about humility?  If our Father loves us and is good and has our best interests at heart, why does he plan all this?  It hurts!

The only conclusion is that we must need it. I’m not saying that what our friend is undergoing highlights a character flaw in him. But God has designed and ordained these lessons.  Knowing our gentle friend, I doubt that he has a big ego that requires ‘tailoring’ to size.  Our Father has myriads of reasons for his lessons. For now, his purposes must stay in the category of ‘the secret things of God’.

It helps to recall that Jesus suffered a lot of humility.  Just even coming to earth as one of us defines humiliation. Imagine his trajectory, that from King of the Universe and honored, beloved Son of God, to a baby born out of wedlock into a poor family in the backwaters of Galilee.

But the difference between Jesus and us, is that our Savior didn’t need to be humbled.  Yet in God’s plan, he had to suffer all that we go through to be able to identify with us and help us.

And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! Philippians 2:8 NIV

All I’m reading these days points me to the value of humility.  One thing is for sure! This time, I don’t want to wait to BE humbled.  I want to start seeking little ways to grow right now new reflexes and attitudes.  I want to receive correction and criticism with gentleness, accepting that it comes from my Father’s hand.

I’ll close with some quotes on how to grow more humble from Dallas Willard towards the very end of his book, A Life without Lack.

“Accept every humiliation, look upon every fellow-man who tries or vexes you as a means of grace to humble you.  Use every opportunity of humbling yourself before your fellow-men as a help to abide humble before God….This is your best prayer and proof that your whole heart desires to grow in humility.”

My new heart – 10 days old 

April 5, 2024

Maria Forgiveness, Heart, Matthew 15, Prayer, Proverbs 4, Repentance , , , , , 1 Comment

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.Proverbs 4:23 NLT

It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth. Matthew 15:11 NLT

In my last blog, I wrote about how Jesus revealed the life-long accumulation of poison I had let fester in my heart. Two consecutive outpourings of disproportionate and ugly words aimed at my poor husband caused me to admit that I had a problem about which I knew very little.

God is good and loving when he gently makes us confront reality. Last week was like being deliberately carried to the doctor to receive a diagnosis I had not been expecting and squirmed when forced to face. But I left that ‘office appointment’ with a recipe for health and lots of hope.

What has stayed with me since then is the certainty that through confession to both Jesus and Mike and receiving (and believing) their forgiveness, I have been given a brand-new and clean heart.  The old is gone and the new one has replaced it. That fact has 2 serious implications.

One, since all the accumulated ‘ungrieved losses and unresolved disappointments’ (Chris Cook’s words from his latest book Healing what you can’t Erase), regrets, unmet expectations, resentments, shaming events, and years of boasting were lifted from Maria and removed forever, I need not nor dare not revisit them when I’m tempted to seek self-pity.

Secondly and more importantly is the fact that I have a brand-new, pure and clean heart. I have been VERY conscious of that fact, not wanting to spoil my new heart. But I know that I am still a sinner, albeit a redeemed and forgiven one. And until I am reunited with Jesus I will stumble again and again, needing to acknowledge, lament, repent and receive cleansing pardon.

I have been more careful of my heart in these last ten days. As I’m finishing up Dallas Willard’s book A Life without Lack, I’m adopting some of his recommended practices to assist me.  At night and in the morning, I am trying out a new routine of asking Jesus straight out: What troubles you about me and how I lived this day? Where did I boast or judge others? Where did I forget that you were with me? Where did I wrap myself up in Maria’s interests and neglected what you wanted me to do?

I don’t want to get lazy and drift into old habits. New regimens take energy and time until they are more automatic.

This checking in with Jesus twice a day is how I want to keep my heart clean.

The places during the day where I have allowed some yuk to enter my heart can be confessed and forgiven. Once removed from my heart creates a better probability that what comes OUT of my mouth won’t be ugly.

Even though Jesus taught that it’s not what goes into our mouths that defile us, I know for a fact, that what goes into my mind CAN plant poisonous seeds in that place I’m commanded to guard. In a short time, ugly plants will sprout and hurt someone else.

This ‘agricultural’ work, a daily discipline, is growing into a burden-relieving joy. Maybe I can become a master gardener one of these days!

Why can’t I reach my goals? Why am I dissatisfied?

March 14, 2024

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The eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor is the ear filled with hearing. Ecclesiastes 1:8 NASB

As I meet with the Lord each morning, to warm up my heart, I read a bit of Dallas Willard’s book, A Life without Lack. The other day he was talking about how our desires are never satisfied. Whatever the longing (money, security, comfort, acclaim, stuff, success or talent), we don’t reach the point where we declare ourselves to be content and happy with the degree or amount God has given us.  

I see this sad principle with my quest to improve in my languages. At times, I wonder if I have made my objective, my goal for each language an idol. The standard I have set is pretty vague for it is to FEEL like I’m good enough in the language.  (Who can measure that and how in the world will I know when I’ve reached it?)

I knew God was speaking to me through Dallas Willard when I looked up the above verse the author referred to. 

Providentially, I listened to my son Graham’s podcast recap of a book called The Gap and the Gain by Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan. The authors describe the trap that I (and maybe you, too) have set for ourselves. Simply put, we often are unhappy because we keep measuring our current achievements against our ideals.  The gap never closes and we suffer discontent.  The remedy is to look back and examine how far we have come (and I would add, thank God!) rather than fix our thoughts on the goal ahead. Without a wise and God-glorifying evaluation of our journey up until today, perpetual discontent and frustration block our gratitude and wonder. This attitude leaves us pouty at best and oblivious to the good.

God keeps sending me reminders to enjoy the process and not obsess about the end goal. Either through a podcast I hear, or a comment by a friend God keeps refocusing me on the here and now.

And truly, from time to time, I do repent and run to God to thank him for the connections he continues to giv me through the gift of languages. Meeting others offers me opportunities to mention the Lord, speak truth into their lives when appropriate and pray for them. However, wanting to speak with ease in order to feel good about myself definitely IS an attempt to ground my worth in something created.

Ecclesiastes, though, causes me to realize that nothing created, no fleshly or worldly goal, no matter how ‘good’ can ever satisfy us. But God can. He is the one goal, the one longing for whom the Bible assures us is attainable.  In thy presence is fullness of joy…. (Psalm 16:11) is God’s word to us.

May other passages reenforce this truth, such as:   For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. Psalm 107:9

Assuredly, in our present world that I call Earth 1.0 and our current bodies, God’s filling, the delights we find in our time with him, experiencing his goodness and the joy he gives isn’t the most that we will experience. But we ae promised that one day, our longings will be totally satisfied. We were made as desiring creatures that can only be satiated by God.

Until then, let us continue to long for, pray and seek what is above. Unlike worldly ambitions and goals, the Spirit-given gifts from God us will not harm us.

Changing up how I pray

February 6, 2024

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And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Matthew 6:5 ESV

When you pray, don’t babble on and on…….. Matthew 6:7 NLT

Do you find it hard to pray?  Do you struggle to know if God will accept the words you use, that they will be pleasing to him, or   ‘enough’? Do you even know what to say?

Sometimes I wonder, ‘Do I have to pray earnestly with feeling or can I pray in an ordinary tone?’  Wes, who was our mischievous, manipulative, incorrigible son (although irresistibly cute!) used to implore me, begging with a long drawn-out , “PLEEEEEEEEZE, Mom. PLEEZE, PLEEZE, PLEEZE….” until I caved. 

Is that how I view God, the Father? 

Some books I’ve been reading have gently redirected my manner of praying as well as the content. And they have added a preliminary, ongoing preparation in order to pray.

Oswald Chambers, a British pastor at the turn of the 20th century, taught his students how to pray simply and if I can say so, matter of factly.  Not a ho-hum approach as though we don’t care about the outcome, but a matter-of-factness that comes from trusting God’s knowledge, wisdom and timing.  In all but one occasion, and that in the Garden of Gethsemane, knowing what awaited him, Jesus simply talked to his Father using normal words and without any begging. 

I wrote in my journal: Huh, I guess I DON’T have to convince God with earnest feelings, but pray with confidence as Jesus did. 

I’m not saying that heart-felt, emotion-laden praying is wrong. I’m just not someone who traffics in deep emotions on a daily basis. I process rationally, following my thoughts to figure out my heart motives.

In one of his short reflections from his book, If Ye Would Ask, Oswald explains what it means to pray in the Holy Spirit.  Since the Holy Spirit inhabits us, that makes our bodies a house of prayer. Our job is to clean our temple on a daily basis, taking care of our thoughts and practices.  Then we simply communicate to the Spirit what we personally need or intercessions on behalf of someone else.

Chambers models how we are to present with simple details, the person and the situation to the Spirit of God in us. That is praying ‘in the Spirit’ or in the place where the Spirit is. Afterwards, we leave the matter in his hands to intercede with inexpressible groans on behalf of our petitions.  He does the emoting.

I recently read a biography of Mrs. Oswald Chambers who, with the ability to use shorthand at the rate of 250 words a minute, transcribed all of Oswald’s talks and teachings.  The biographer Michelle Ule provides abundant examples of both Oswald and his wife’s (Biddy) prayers. For example:

Father, we lift up Steve who is caring for our mom. Give him the wisdom he needs today. Amen.

The Holy Spirit will do the rest, according to the GOOD will of the Father. And isn’t that what we want?

But then maybe we don’t.  Maybe we’re afraid of God’s will. Maybe what we REALLY want is OUR will to be done.

That is what provides me anxiety in my life.  I know what I think is best. But what if God’s will doesn’t line up with my desires? I don’t know God’s thoughts, his plans. But scripture says otherwise.

I am finding that the only and actually the most liberating answer to that dilemma of my will vs God’s will is the fact that, as Christians, we actually have been given the ‘mind of Christ’.  Yes, it’s true.

“Who can know the LORD’s thoughts? Who knows enough to teach him?” But we understand these things, for we have the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:16 NLT

So….is it that simple…whatever I think, that’s what Jesus thinks?  Yes and no.  This is my take, but it’s what scripture teaches us. The more we soak in God’s word and let his supernatural holy, ‘ex’-pired or God-breathed words shape our thoughts, the more we develop a mind that thinks like Jesus and is receptive to the Father’s communications as was the Son when he walked among us. That’s what growing in holiness is. Growing like God. Learning to think like God.

My job is to keep directing my thoughts back to God. You and I DO have that power, that ability to think about what we choose.  Dallas Willard refers to that freedom as the only liberty we truly have, to focus and aim our thoughts toward a particular end.

For you and me to be able to say without fear, “Your will be done,” we have to trust God. And to trust him, we have to KNOW him. If I’m focusing on problems, circumstances, or suffering, I’m not thinking ‘in the Spirit’.  But the more I think biblically, the more I will know and recognize Christ’s thoughts and they become mine.  Not totally but more and more.

This is my daily goal.

What does it mean when I’m bored?

January 5, 2023

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But wanting to justify himself, he asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor? Luke 10:29 Berean Standard Bible

I confess! I felt bored during church this past Sunday.  Really? Sunday, the first day of a brand-new year? Isn’t that when most people feel the most energized by the hope of new possibilities, potential growth, plans and changes for the good?

I did confess multiple times during the service this sin of a cold heart, “Father, I’m ashamed of feeling this way. I don’t understand my ennui, this impatience with the service.  I’m definitely not worshipping. Forgive me!  Joyce often tells me how much she looks forward to and longs to be fed at church, how those hours with others in worship and in fellowshipping fill her with joy and energy. What’s wrong with me?”

Then two days later, boredom during my Spanish conversation hour shocked me. “What is going on?  Am I just bored with my life?”

Thankfully, God spoke to me through one of Graham’s podcasts.  Although his message centered on business advice, I immediately saw an application to my life. He spoke about how humility in one’s business is the key (and often the missing ingredient) to success.  Explaining that being humble is not thinking poorly of oneself but rather thinking less often about oneself, he counseled business owners to begin with considering how best to serve their customers.

Most entrepreneurs and companies produce products or offer services that support their personal or organizational goals. That isn’t ‘bad’ but Graham suggested first focusing on and analyzing the most pressing needs of clients. He seeks a way to serve his clients, providing what they lack.

I asked myself, “Is this what I’ve been missing in my weekly activities? Maybe entering each morning set on serving others would transform my day. Dallas Willard describes this intention as a ‘to-whom-will-I-be-a-neighbor’ kind of posture. I bet THAT would turn the ordinary into an adventure, since the Lord is in charge of bring ‘neighbors’ across my path!” 

In my day-to-day life a lot of what I do is serve people, since I am retired. I volunteer in various places and in different ways. But maybe, by being more intentional in how I approach the day or the occasion and by studying how best to serve the person in front of me, I will feel more energized and expectant.

A doable practice to implement, I realize, will be how Jamie Winship interacts with the people he encounters each day.  With each contact, he bypasses the formulaic, ‘How’s it going?’ and instead uses a generative (i.e., unique) question, tailored to the individual.  Just how does he personalize his words? He describes leading with a question based on an observation about the person. Maybe the name tag of the grocery store check-out gal provides a clue. Or perhaps the Uber driver’s tattoo could provide an entry point.

In other words, as a first step, I’m to really look at the person in front of me, ‘study them’ so to speak, to learn if there’s a way to serve or help them.

Returning to my experience at church last Sunday, I hope to bring a different heart into worship.  I plan on asking Jesus to help me enter into the community with an attitude that seeks to connect with my brothers and sisters.  Who among them needs some comfort, some encouragement or just a hug? Most importantly, may I worship the Lord, serving him with a glad, thankful AND whole heart.