It is far better to learn to receive……

August 19, 2025

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For it was I, the LORD your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things. Psalm 81:10 NLT 

This is day four of our two-week trip to Switzerland and Italy. Reading this blog, you probably are aware that I have a problem with choosing to imagine problems instead of picturing What if it’s Wonderful? That question is not just the title of a book worth reading, but a framework I am trying to adopt. 

So far, everything about this European adventure has been over-the-top amazingly delightful.  Last night, awake for a few hours, (no, not jet lag, just something that plagues me from time to time), I put two and two together. 

I am like one of my granddaughters. For a while she has been fearing that she is not a good enough Christian, that she has to earn God’s love, that she has to do amazing things for Christ. In what sense am I similar to her?  

One line from a recent prayer written by Pastor Scotty Smith describes me: “If I maintain a daily regimen of Bible reading, Scripture memorization, and quiet times, but don’t really believe the Gospel, I am a disciplined unbeliever”.

If anything, I am disciplined in my daily practices, from time with the Lord to language practice, exercise, food prep and even this writing. But I don’t believe what Jesus actually says. Here is how I know. 

In the months leading up to our departure to Italy, I forecast all sorts of situations that might go wrong. Usually in the middle of the night, too. I would attempt to solutionize imaginary scenarios. But so far, God has stunned me by His goodness.

Planes arrived and landed on time. We managed to snag a first class upgrade on our Delta flight to Zürich for not much more money. The hotel in Zürich offered us a room at 10 am the morning we landed at half the rate of a normal night. We rented a car and safely FOUND the Airbnb in an out-of-the-way little hamlet reached by ancient narrow roads. Mike navigated 108 hairpin turns up and over the Swiss Alps after we inadvertently chose the most stressful mountain pass.  And our host, Cesary, has demonstrated inordinate, over-the-top care with fresh bread deliveries, a stocked fridge and a plant in the apartment.  I haven’t even mentioned the view of the hills from our sunny balcony.

I don’t deserve any of this, especially after I have hurt Jesus by not believing that He is good.

But that is the point, isn’t it. No one deserves grace. He keeps giving even when we don’t trust Him.  So, my dear granddaughter, I am learning as are you, that we don’t need to fear we are not ‘good enough’.  Of course we aren’t. We’re fallen, broken sinners. But forgiven and greatly loved ones. And that makes all the difference. 

So, I raise my glass of wine and give thanks to my Father who exhorts me: Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things.

Grazie mille!

What’s in a name?

July 23, 2025

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The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice. John 10:3–4 NLT

Do you ever wonder what name Jesus calls you? Up until Sunday, I assumed that in John’s account of the Savior’s teaching that He would just use my regular name, Maria, to call me. But then I thought about all the whimsical and loving nicknames Mike and I have for each other, our sons and our cats. 

When I met Mike and started dating him, I called him Bear.  Not very original, I know. But then he became Punky Bear, and eventually Bear Chil’. (child, without the final D). He named me Bean, Monkey Bean, and finally Monkey Blossom. Now we refer to ourselves as Bean and Bear. Naming someone denotes love, connection and intimacy. 

I’ll spare you the extra names we’ve bestowed on our two sons and all the cats we’ve loved over the past 45 years of marriage.

Thinking about the God-man and Good Shepherd, why would He not name the sheep under His care?  After all, Adam selected names for all the animals God brought to him.  Believers, disciples of Jesus, are more than sheep that follow Jesus. We are also His little brothers and sisters.  Family members, with whom our Lord enjoys a loving and playful relationship. 

Could He perhaps have more than one pet name for each one of us, according to our moods and our actions? However many, each name communicates His commitment to our well-being. Furthermore, just as we are individually called, we are also blessed to know His voice.  

Maybe you, as I am, are finding that the more time you spend reading God’s history, His letters as well as instructions, that is the Bible, the better you can discern His voice. For sure, I’m learning to distinguish the Lord’s words from those of the thief whose name is Satan. As we learn from Scripture, this foul spirit seeks to blame, shame, separate and destroy us. He has no love for us. And he calls us ugly names.

Wondering about what name Jesus calls me has made me think of the one and only pet name I had as a little girl. My grandmother Mimi lived with us until she died when I was 22.  And she used to call me, ‘Maria Baby Ball’.  (My middle name, Ball, comes from one of my southern ancestor’s surnames.) I cringed as an older child when she used that name. But now I see it for what it was, a sweet way to communicate delight and  closeness to her grandchild whom she loved. 

New Year, New Goals, New Format

January 12, 2025

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I’ve switched to writing short devotional-sized reflections. Occasionally, I’ll post two of them here on this blog. Happy New Year!

….let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him …..Hebrews 10:22 NLT

After Joe’s sermon on Sunday about how to abide in Jesus, I read John Piper’s Solid Joys reflection on this verse.  He called it a ‘command’! That startled me, for sure.  I never have viewed it as a command. But I can’t tell you why not, given that I know enough about other language grammar structure to recognize it.

Had the writer meant to exclude himself, he would have said it this way:  Go straight into the presence of God!  But he includes himself, ‘let us go’.

Why did this grab my attention?  Because Joe had mentioned that when we obey God, we are abiding in Jesus. Usually, I picture obedience as doing something difficult.  But this command is like:  let us eat our chocolate after dinner, something altogether enjoyable.

Could it be that I could view other commands as delightful?  How about:

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6 NLT.

More to ponder and try out, for sure.

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My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So, I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 NLT

Oswald Chambers always gets me thinking. As I read his devotion, I picked up my pen and started writing to figure out what was packed into this one verse.

Here goes my version of Galatians 2:20. According to God, my illusions of who I am died on that cross with Jesus.  That Maria no longer exists. (Although at times I forget and start thinking like her.) A new Maria lives because of Jesus.

When did that happen? At the point when God opened her eyes to see Jesus for who he is, Holy God, and to see that Maria, selfish sinner, headed for eternity separated from God.

Since then, the new Maria is to by faith, depending on the Son of God who loved her by yielding himself to unrighteous, evil authorities in obedience to his Father. Jesus died on the cross instead of Maria.

The cross remains a picture of the judgment that would be awaiting me were it not for Christ taking my place. In the cross, I see what I deserve as well as the love of God for me.

I’m trying to keep one eye forward to follow Jesus and the other eye back on the cross to remember what would have been my destiny. 

I’m a slow learner in God’s school of Holiness

April 25, 2024

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For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Romans 7:15 ESV

I don’t know when I started realizing that what I was learning in God’s ‘school of holiness training’ was not sticking. Naively, I assumed that once I ‘learned my lesson’ and practiced the new behavior, I could move on to something else.  At a certain age, maybe in my 40s, I began to see that Jesus was recycling past teaching points over and over. When I would mention this phenomenon to some older-in-the-faith Christians, they would flash a gentle, but knowing smile of agreement.

For example, I’d have victory over fear by God’s grace, only to fall back into imagining the future as though it were up to me and my limited resources.  How embarrassing that I could forget what had I had painfully learned not that long ago about the sin of fear.

Or, I would have been gently chastised by Jesus for boasting and talking too much about Maria, repented and relished one, maybe two victories.  Only to catch myself repeating the same self-centered behavior. 

The Holy Spirit reminded me this week of another sin pattern that I have yet kill. My sometimes-patronizing attitude with Mike.

To the woman he said, “……. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 NIV

It happened like this.  The other night, Mike started to share with me how discouraged he felt about his YouTube channel where he reads children’s classics out loud. He has a good voice for reading, is skilled at narrating, recording and editing audio books. This channel is his gift to anyone who loves to be read to. He does it without seeking compensation.

What was causing him to feel pessimistic and disheartened? The relative few views of some recent videos. 

Instead of listening quietly with love and compassion, I launched into ‘Parent Mode’, practically interrogating him on his motives for starting the channel. And how he should not only not look at his YouTube analytics, but should also go out into the community and find children or senior adults who would love to be read to.

Had he asked for my advice?

What motivated me to be so didactic instead of gentle and patient, intent only on understand his feelings?

It was Eve’s sin, that of wanting to rule over, to shape and mold her husband according to HER image of what he should be like.  I’ve done this numerous times. It is disrespectful and puts distance between us. 

I could tell that I had gone too far but I tried to cover for myself by saying, “I’m so glad we have reached the point in our marriage where we can speak the ‘truth in love’ to one another.  Afterall, I give you permission to speak into my life, too! “

You need to know that Mike NEVER treats me this way. If he thinks I am doing something wrong, he’ll tell me directly.  He won’t manipulate and hide his ulterior motives like I do.

I went on trying to soften my ‘lecture’ by adding, ‘Keep adding more content to your channel. This is a really good and worthy project.  It doesn’t matter if it only benefits a few people. It’s your gift to others, however many or few.”

Poor Mike didn’t know how to deal with the mixed messages I was sending.  

With no real resolution, we transitioned by watching a Netflix series we like while eating our supper. The evening passed without any more discussion on that topic.

That night, I couldn’t sleep.  God gave me severe leg cramps and some arthritic pain. When I sat down with him yesterday morning, he had my full attention.  It was only then that I saw my sin. And felt shame, remorse and pain for how I had hurt Mike.

What made it harder to swallow was that this is not the first time I have ‘scolded’ my husband.  This is neither loving nor honoring to him, nor to God the Father who created him nor to Jesus who died for him.

When Mike got up a while later, I immediately confessed my shameful display and asked him to forgive me.  He was so gentle and comforting to me.  I also asked him to pray for me to be the kind of wife God intends.

With each lesson repeat, I see how gracious and patient the Holy Spirit is with us.  Yes, we fail. Yes, we have to relearn lessons and practice new patterns of thinking and acting. The good news that brings me peace is this assurance, this promise:

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6 NLT