Addicted to calm waters

November 11, 2012

Maria Contentment, Peace, Uncategorized , , , , Leave a comment

As I write this, Calvin seems better. His downward spiral after some routine surgery led to the vet calling me during my 8th grade logic class. Either he had serious neurological problems or he was a member of a tiny percentage of cats allergic to that particular antibiotic.  Dr. Crist gently mentioned, “If this is a neurological issue, euthanasia might be the kindest option.”

As the tears welled up and I reached for tissues, my 24 budding adults didn’t know quite what to do.  Through sniffles and a tight throat, I explained what the vet had said and what God was teaching me through this experience.  Friday was another day colored by difficult circumstances that had been unfolding during the past two weeks.  Even before my mind absorbed the possibility of actually losing Calvin, God had been teaching me.

Negative lessons:

  • Functionally, I am addicted to a problem-free life.
  • I act as if my pets and family members are mine.
  • The more I need circumstances to go my way, the less I have of real peace.
  • I need trials and difficult circumstances to wean me off of false and damaging ideas.

Positive lessons:

  • I am a steward of anything that I previously looked at as ‘mine.’
  • I am here on Earth to do my Master’s bidding.
  • My desires for peace, health, comfort, rest are good and legitimate and given to me by God.  Where I go wrong is in expecting that they will be satisfied my way here on Earth.  But in heaven, I will be bowled over by how they are met.
  • If I have been bought (redeemed) and forgiven by God because of Jesus’ work on my behalf, then I have a new full-time and life-long calling.  I am a soldier AND ambassador in the Lord’s army.  My orientation must change.  It is no longer Maria’s life and Maria’s agenda and Maria’s desires.  I am a servant.
  • I am to put on HIS clothes and armor each day before going out to share the terms of peace with the remaining rebels who haven’t heard the news about the Conquering King.
  • I wear my wedding invitation to the divine, heavenly banquet.  When Maria died and was reborn by the Holy Spirit, her admittance to the Eternal Party was woven and sewn into her new self.  The blood-written letters lovingly spell out what awaits me.  One day I will be ushered into the presence of the Lamb and the Father.  It is THEN that I can relax.
  • In the meantime, like Jesus demonstrated 2000 years ago, my expectation should be to strip my cumbersome robe of Maria’s agenda, wrap a towel around my waist and wash the feet of those in my path.

Reading and personalizing an Andrew Murray quote on acquiescing to God’s sovereignly-sent trials has helped me.  I summarize what he wrote with 4 prepositions –   By, In, Under, For.

These troubled waters (picture roily seas like the kind Peter walked on) have been sent to me

  • BY GOD’S DIVINE APPOINTMENT
  • IN HIS KEEPING
  • UNDER HIS TRAINING
  • FOR MY GOOD, FOR THE LENGTH OF TIME HE SEES FIT

And what are troubled waters? –  Any circumstance that I don’t like, such as

– problems and disappointments

– delays and frustrations

– trouble and disaster

– sickness and death

– even evil

In short – unmet expectations.

Yet, I act and feel surprised when calm waters evaporate. I shouldn’t.  After all, didn’t Jesus affirm that we would have troubles in this life?  Why do I work so hard to avoid what is inevitable in a fallen world?

As bleak as the above might seem, we can take hope.  These trials are NOT a cosmic ‘whoops’.   God IS in charge.  The Fall is not a surprise.  He has ordained it and is using it for His purposes – His Good purposes.  We can trust Him.

So like Peter, to the extent that we keep our eyes and thoughts fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, and trust Him to walk with us through the Valley and through rough waters, we will grow in experiencing His true peace.  NOT the peace that depends on circumstances.

PS:  If our desires won’t be satisfied until the next life, shouldn’t we be coaching our kids how to delay gratification?     

Acronyms and a Family Reunion – How I’m Praying

September 16, 2012

Maria Colossians, Prayer , 2 Comments

I must be handicapped to some degree mentally.  For I have greatly benefitted from memory techniques to help me cope.  My favorite way of making up for poor memory, is to organize what is important to me in the form of an acronym or a silly rhyme.  Mike has a colleague and a boss who have nicknames inherited from their active-duty air force days.  One is named Box and the other Stick.  The only way I can remember who is who is to say to myself: “Stick is Mike’s boss, because STick STays at work late.”  The “st- trick” helps me when I need quickly to verbalize the correct name.

I’m just sharing a deficiencyL and one of my crutchesJ.

So in the effort to organize some wonderful attributes of God into a prayer for an upcoming family reunion, I used the first 2 initials of our two sons, my husband and myself.

Wes who is an Infantry lieutenant deploys to Afghanistan in about 6 weeks or so.  We have organized a family reunion for the 1st week of October.  We have a small family, but EVERYONE is coming.  The last time we were together was a year ago when Mike’s brother Steve married Eve in Toronto.  And now we are reuniting.  Life is fragile – who knows when we will all be together again.  So I’ve been praying.  First I prayed that Wes indeed would be granted the vacation days he had been ‘promised’ by the Army.  Then I prayed that Mike’s mom and his cousin Terry would be able to come. These prayers have been granted by our always-faithful heavenly Father.  Now I’m praying for a hurricane-free week, good health and safe travel.

But more importantly, I am praying for harmony. You know what YOUR family is like!  Old patterns that weren’t healthy ‘way back when’ resurface when family members are together for more than 24 hours.  These can include juvenile rivalries, un-forgiveness and assumptions that have fossilized even though they are no longer true.

There are also political and spiritual differences among family members.  Enough said.

Then there are expectations about how people should act.   My husband tells me that unmet expectations are the source of much grief.

And did I mention that in this beach house will be 6 women who all like to cook, but who view meal prep and clean-up differently? Some likely will be battling hormones of various kinds, cranky because of poor sleep in a new bed and/or tired because of babies and toddlers!

Don’t get me wrong!  We’re not an exceptionally dysfunctional family.  I don’t think anyone is in counseling at this momentJ.  We’re pretty normal!!!  But we are all sinners.

So here is how I’ve been praying and where my acronym comes into play.  I took the initials of the first and middle names of my nuclear family: our oldest son GC, my husband MF, our youngest son WJ and me MB and created a prayer for our entire Cochrane family, all of whom will be at this happy event :

Blessed are you, O God

May we, the Cochranes

          Delight in

          Enjoy ‘muchly’

          Treasure and

          Rejoice in who You are    (DETR – I pronounce it as ‘debtor’)

Grant us ever-exceeding (here come the initials of our names)

          Gratitude to You

          Compassion for others

          Mercy in our actions

          Faithfulness in our reliance on You

          Wisdom

          Joy

          Mindfulness and

          Beauty-seeking

I now have a better chance of remembering HOW I want to pray leading up to our reunion and during.  Of course PEACE, FORGIVENESS, UNSELFISHNESS and many other attitudes are ones for which I’m THANKING GOD ahead of time as well.

Don’t misunderstand – I’m not anticipating upheavals.  But I do believe that God wants us to be prepared and on our guard.  Satan and his cohorts are always aggressively on the prowl, looking to devour Christians.  We must be mindful and clad in our spiritual armor that God has provided.  To do otherwise is at best naïve and at worst a disaster waiting to happen.

Colossians 3 – 12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Painful start to summer vacation

June 10, 2012

Maria Idols, Sin , , , , , Leave a comment

Thank God for Christian girlfriends and a Godly husband who have been holding me up recently.

School is out and I have frittered away 2 of my 11 weeks with not much to show for them.  I have been anxious and depressed.  (Does this come from too much time on my hands?)  Or am I being confronted with one of my many idols?

– My worth consists in my productivity.  Here is what I did today!  Just call me superwoman.

My other idol that has me bowing and scraping as a willing slave is a fit body.  As a recovering bulimic I think constantly about food and exercise and how my body feels and looks.

“Time for the training wheels to go, Maria!”  Suddenly, I have been confronted with the hollowness of my props.  But not alone.

In divine preparation, one friend gave me a book that has had me meditating on living in the present moment. I’m learning to construct a new reflex of gratitude, while trying to remember that all I do and think should glorify God.  That I can thank God FOR the previous moment that brought me HERE and live in that particular HERE, dependent on Him honors Him. That sacramental attentiveness in lieu of my customary rushed oblivion actually slows down T-I-M-E because it makes me aware of how the eternal I AM (Yahweh) is the God of the present moment.

Last Saturday in one of my rare ‘Ecclesiastes’ moments, I couldn’t think straight.  I kept saying over and over, “J’ai perdu mes repères!!! – I’ve lost my bearings.  I don’t know where I am and where I’m going.  I don’t how to frame my life!”  I finally thought, ‘I should share with my husband, after all, he needs to know what is going on and be a priest to me.’  I was in the bathroom cleaning the floor when he came up to change clothes to mow the lawn.  We sat down on the floor, leaning against the bed.  I told him what I was feeling (same ole, same ole).  As I teared up, he held my hand, listening to me.  When I didn’t know what else to add, I glanced up at him, embarrassed and spent with my emotion.  I saw that he was silently crying, entering into my pain.  Then he prayed for me.  Didn’t offer any advice.  Just sat WITH me and LOVED me.  Never have I felt so tenderly understood and accepted.

A few days later over coffee, another friend opened up about her anxiety in a way that gave me freedom to share my pain about being a slave to fitness. Then and now via email she has been listening to me and my customary thoughts (kept private up until NOW) and reflecting back to me how irrational they are.  (Anything that doesn’t align with God’s Truth needs to be ditched!)

Thursday,  I picnicked with another dear friend who is a classics expert and Godly woman as well.  I got up the courage to share with her what was going on with me and how these first 2 weeks of summer vacation have been painful, fleeting and have felt wasted.  (She teaches at my school and is on the same schedule.  One of the differences between us is that she knows how to rest without guilt.)

She reminded me that we live in wartime.  She pointed me to Revelation 12 where I read how the Accuser pursues us.  Sensing his time is short and driven in his Satanic Smear Campaign he boldly marches right up to the very throne of God bringing stinging condemnation.  Not bothering to address him, the Holy Father just points to the Son sitting next to Him, as if to say, ‘Why bother, these children of mine are clothed in my Son’s purifying blood, you can’t smear them!’ But Satan doesn’t give up:

17 Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to wage war against the rest of her offspring —those who keep God’s commands and hold fast their testimony about Jesus.

So dressing in gospel armor with my helmet of Salvation is a daily necessity!  (There is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ)

Finally yesterday, I was catching up with one of my favorite young friends who inherited ME when she married our son.  She shared what she was learning about anxiety – that it is fear about the future.  As such, it is SIN.  And God has provided us with the gift of repentance.  We can experience FREEDOM from guilt, as much as need. Her anxiety is not a condition that God has given her and that He will remove if she prays fervently enough.  In hearing how she is processing anxiety, I was drawn to applying how I live with condemnation which drives me to live by law.  But that TOO is SIN.  And I can repent and move back into the realm of Grace where I am welcome.

Have I enjoyed my first two weeks of summer vacation?  NO!  But I think this is a gift whose time has come.  It’s time for me to unwrap the present and learn the lesson.

Thank you, Lord, for your gift of pain that is preceded by and accompanied with Godly friends and family.

‘How blessed, blissful, to be envied – i.e. ASHER, is the woman (having her sins covered because SHE repented) who now trusts and relies on the unfailing love of the Lord’  Psalm 32: 1 & 10

 

Getting Dressed – Psalm 32

June 5, 2012

Maria Gospel , Leave a comment

Currently Psalm 32 is my favorite scripture to recite.  I crave daily the truths it blazes. Unconfessed sins weigh me down.  I bend over to cover them up.  My belt of truth grows tight from this cover up and shameful cower.

Finally I break free and lift my head & hands to God and release the burden of my sin.  The belt is loosened. I’m weightless.  Light warms my face and body – no more guilt TODAY to darken my soul and weigh me down.

In this position, God exhorts and encourages: “Let everyone who has tasted this ‘chesed’ – this loving kindness pray to me”.   When we do pray, we are promised three things:

  • Protection while in the midst of danger with eventual musical rescue
  • Guidance and instruction about where to go, with on-going care as we journey through life
  • Joy as we remember our upright position when freed from sin

The Bible calls the man or woman who knows these truths, ‘asher’.  Asher means blessed….enviable….happy…..joyful.

*

After this daily confession, with my belt of truth comfortably reminding me that I’m secure in the light, I continue to put on my Gospel armor. I slip on my Peace-with-God sandals:  no need to fear that my access to His throne will be blocked.  My stance and confidence in my standing are firm.

I’m covered by Christ’s righteousness…no need to fake being something I’m not. I’m free to confess sin as it occurs; I don’t have to pretend a righteousness that is not mine.  Jesus’ righteousness is comfortable and comforting. I need that secure breastplate over my heart.

I consciously don my head covering marked, “SAVED by GRACE”.  Recalling that I have already been rescued helps me to reject:

  • the fear thoughts of ‘what if?’
  • the depressing thoughts of:  I’m-not-good-enough
  • the lack thoughts: God might not come through TOMORROW!
  • the superior & judgmental thoughts: At least I’m not….

Now I raise my shield of faith and cover not only myself, but the Church that is around me, those Christian brothers and sisters I encounter throughout my day.  I offer them protection by reminding THEM of gospel truth.  And when the going gets tough because the enemy is attacking me or a brother or sister, I pull out my short dagger and yell, “It is written: _____________!”  The demons scatter, horrified and wounded by the power of God’s Word.  ‘We better leave this Daughter of the King alone for now,’ they reason.

Gospel armor: fashion that NEVER goes out of style.  And I haven’t even mentioned the snacks I bring with me to nibble on throughout the day for energy.  We’ll talk about that another day.  But who doesn’t eat at least 3 times a day!

 

One size fits all –the Belt of Truth

May 14, 2012

Maria Ephesians , , Leave a comment

As I get dressed each morning with my Gospel armor (Eph 6: 11-17), I’ve been trying to translate the different items of clothing into words that calm my anxious soul.  Since the first item God calls us to put on is the Belt of Truth, I’ve been examining how I feel about belts in general.

Belts make me feel fat. I hardly ever wear a belt.

But I don’t think God has chosen this protection to point out a flaw in my natural self. (Thank you, Pop, for passing on not only your bone structure but your appetite for food!)

Au contraire, if the cinching up of His Heavenly belt causes any discomfort, it’s because I have needless layers covering my naked body.

What might some of those coverings be?  I’ll show you my 2 closets.  Closet A offers the good things I’ve done.   Closet B holds all the bad things I’ve done or the bad thoughts that dominate my thinking.

A stuff:

  • I weighed under 125 this morning; I’m on my way back to 122!
  • My students responded enthusiastically yesterday to my well-delivered instruction
  • I knocked out a good number of items on my To-Do list
  • I did something yesterday to qualify as a ‘good’ wife, daughter-in-law, mom, grandmother, friend, neighbor
  • I served at Church this week

B stuff:

  • I’m up a pound and I am probably never going to get back down to 122
  • Those ‘good chores’ I should do in various relationships are hanging over me
  • I was a boring teacher yesterday and it’s all my fault
  • I’m not doing enough at Church
  • I should be out sharing the Gospel with neighbors on my street.  And I should ask Ann over for dinner.  What kind of caring Christian am I that I ignore the widow 2 doors down??!!!
  • I should be doing stuff to fix up my house
  • I’m just a selfish person whose idol and chief passion is MY COMFORT and MY TIME
  • I wish I didn’t have to go to work today and could stay home and putter around on the computer and read.
  • I’m not earning enough money, thereby putting pressure on my husband to stay in a job he hates

This is just a sample of how I dress each morning.  No wonder God’s belt of truth is tight!

Thinking about what the Bible means, however, has been a blessing.  The truth is, God’s belt will fit comfortably and actually console and bless me if I let myself be unadorned, exposed in front of God.

There is no need to hide our true self, since He actually bids us to come ‘au naturel’:

  • Just as we are
  • Naked and unashamed (He knows all about us, anyway!)
  • Transparent and unafraid
  • Trusting Him to dress us with Christ’s righteousness

The belt of truth is actually the ideal size for each one of us.  But it only fits comfortably; it only blesses us, if we have the courage to drop the cover-ups of accomplishments as well as the scarlet layers of supposed guilty consciences.

Think of the time saved in the morning, if we dress only in God’s clothing!

PS:  there is actually another layer that I must shed if the belt of truth is to fit easily…the extra baggage of unconfessed sin.  This belt is, after all, God’s belt of TRUTH!  Why cling to my fig leaf when I can be free!  And He adds a little pressure for our own good.  In the end, facing Him honestly, coming clean and being released from the weighty sentence of guilt liberates us   If we don’t… that belt gets harder to wear.

Psalm 32: 3-5  When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.  I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.

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