Overwhelmed and the choice to wallow or cast

November 17, 2013

Maria Anxiety, James, Luke, Peace, Philippians, Prayer, Trust, Worries , , , , Leave a comment

Feeling overwhelmed – you can identify, can’t you?

Too many things hanging over me and I don’t want to face any of them. But instead of obediently taking them to the Father, I choose to skulk around in my feelings- “I don’t want to DO anything, I just wish they would all go away and leave me in peace!”

So it was hard to stay focused in church this morning when my mind kept going back to that unpleasant list.

Yet I know the remedy!  God commands us, as a loving Father who understands us and can see exactly what is best:

  • Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.   Phil 4:6
  • You do not have because you do not ask God. James 4:2b

The thing is, it feels like too much trouble to articulate what I want, so I let apathy and pathetic pity just hover like a grey cloud.

” Oh God, Help me!  You say that your mercies are new every morning!  If I woke up in a luxury hotel this morning and felt like I wanted something, or I needed something, wouldn’t I pick up the phone and ask for it, either from Room Service, the Front Desk or the Hotel Concierge?”

“Father, I’m not saying that You are a short order needs provider…yet..

You DO say that given a choice between WORRYING about stuff, or taking the time and energy to PRAY in specific words for what I need , (i.e. specifically and measurably) that we should come to You as a loving Father.  Not just once, but over and over again, like that annoying widow.”

  • Jesus told them a story showing that it was necessary for them to pray consistently and never quit. Luke 18:1

” Okay, Dad, I will go off line from this blog for a few moments and invest the energy into making a list of all that is on my mind for this week.”

I’m back!  – I just typed up a list detailing everything that was waiting for me when I woke up this morning. I wrote each item as a specific request, with measurable phrases like these:

  • Guide me, Lord,  to write down exactly what meals to cook while the kids are here for Thanksgiving, to include the ingredients I need to buy.
  • Guide our prep this week at school so that the team members are closer to being ready for Mock Trial.  May all 7 students show up Monday as well as the double period on Wednesday.

By the way, for fellow tech users, here is a link to an app that Mike and I use daily.  We like it for many reasons.  But one handy feature, is that you can type your requests, save them to Drop Box and then import them into PrayerMate on the iPhone.   App for PrayerMate

Okay, I feel a bit better.  I’ll let you know how God came through.  I know He will; He always does.  He’s that kind of heavenly Father.  Furthermore, He has resources at His disposal that I can’t see or even imagine.  He is the God who operates out of OUR limited box.

Stressed out and exhausted?

August 25, 2013

Maria Anxiety, Celebration, Galatians, Gifts, Isaiah, Patience, Peace, Romans, Trust , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

What if I could offer you a guaranteed cure for stress and anxiety;

a sure-fire way to enjoy harmonious, happy relationships with family members; a formula for a satisfying marriage; a method for navigating the frustrations of modern life; a technique for stretching your time each day, would you be interested?

And how much would you be willing to pay for any of those ‘tools’?

We have just moved to the Asheville, NC area.  Often called the Seattle of the East, Asheville is a magnet not only for hippies, liberals,

artists and foodies but also for the spiritual seekers.

People pay beaucoup bucks attending Deepak Chopra seminars, buying the latest book recommended by experts Dr. Oz or Oprah or learning new meditative routines. 

Consider an alternative:

Jesus offers a counter-intuitive/ outside.the.box solution to all of our problems and it’s free.

Hey there!  All who are thirsty, come to the water!  Are you penniless?  Come anyway – buy and eat!  Come buy your drinks, buy wine and milk.  Buy without money – everything’s free!  Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton candy?  Listen to me, listen well: Eat only the best, fill yourself with only the finest.  (Isaiah 55: 1-5)

How do you like the offer FIRST of wine and THEN of milk?  Celebration first and nourishment second – that’s the way things work in the upside.down.kingdom.

The membership offer, to be part of God’s family, entails NO cost to us.  And once we are connected in the permanent way, (well as you’ve heard it quipped by that giant credit card, ‘Membership has its privileges”,)   we are the happy recipients of many riches, as described by God in his promises.

One major privilege for Christians is the promise of transformation.  Without having to work for it, once inhabited by the supernatural Spirit at our new birth, we are gradually infused with new qualities.  These are the ones that 21st century humans are running around trying to buy or work for:

  • Inner peace that comes from being reconciled with the Creator and Judge of creation
  • Patience with ourselves and with others
  • Joy and contentment with the permanent things of life
  • Love of a different kind – feeling it and being able to act in a way that others feel it too
  • A gentle nature that understands the wounded nature of others and gives them space to ‘spaz’
  • A trusting attitude that even when things go wrong, God is still in control
  • A kindly disposed response-mechanism to angry and biting fellow humans
  • A good heart that desires to copy his or her heavenly Father
  • A mind trained to be reasonable and thoughtful in all situations

You probably recognize the list – yes, these are the 9 fruits of the spirit that are our new birth-right.

But you quip, you still lack them?  Or you live with a ‘so-called-Christian’ who doesn’t exhibit many of them?

Hmm…sounds like you or your companion need to imbibe some more of that holy wine and holy milk (aka Scripture).  Paul reminds us of the FACT that we DO become different as we reflect and rejoice in the facts of our adoption.  That is what he means by, “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind!”

Now doesn’t that sound like an offer too good to pass up?  Drink up (soak in the Bible’s content)  and invite your friends to the party. (you can invest your money in something more lasting than quackery!)

“Incoming! Take Cover!” aka Not My Thoughts

May 26, 2013

Maria Anxiety, Colossians, Control, Fear, James, Peace, Uncategorized , , , , , 1 Comment

You want to know what I am worrying about?

  • ·         The expectations of my new school OF ME and the time I will have to devote at Carolina Day School  (what if I don’t have enough ‘maria-time’??????)
  • ·         Our shower basin will get so ‘grodily’ mildewed in the next two weeks that the buyer won’t want to close on our house
  • ·         That something else will break in our house and the buyer won’t want to close on our house
  • ·         That one or more of our kids/ grandkids will die
  • ·         The future illnesses/deaths of our cats and end-of-life decisions

My husband thinks I don’t fight the temptation/sin of worry.  I asked him this morning, “Why do you think I write about worry, fear and anxiety so much?”  Isn’t it obvious that I’m trying to fight them?  To get a biblical handle on how to frame them properly?

Here is how the Lord has been helping me through His living Word and via the writings of other Christians.

Several times in Scripture God affirms that He resists the proud BUT gives MORE grace to the humble (for example – James 4:6).  As I’ve been memorizing some verses in James around this particular truth, I’m coming to realize that Pride presents itself in 2 different forms:

1. Well, at least I don’t do XYZ like Joe/Jill!!!!  (and the many smug versions of this kind of ‘put-down’ comparisons)

2. What if XYZ doesn’t happen like the way I want it to? (and the many anxious versions of how I want life to turn out)

What’s God’s solution? First off, He communicates that these attitudes are demonic/ satanic/ out of the pit of hell.  They are NOT my thoughts.  They are an attack.

Just knowing that those fears I listed above originate outside of me gives me HUGE relief!  I can relax in God’s assessment and then accept and use His provision of rescue.  Here’s what the half-brother of Jesus counsels:

First – submit to God – turn toward Him and accept His truth of what is happening.

Fear, anxiety and smugness are ALL SIN!   Father and Big Brother Jesus  both command in numerous places:  Fear Not……Do Not Be Anxious……Repent & Rest…. Confidently Rely on God…Thank God in ALL Circumstances…Take Shelter in God, Not in Men

Second – resist the Devil – copy Jesus who used the living word – “It is written…”, when He was attacked by Satan.

Of course, the Bible is realistic.  These plaguing and demoralizing attacks will pop up again.  Even Jesus knew that His victory over Satan in the desert was just one of more to come.  Why should we expect anything less?

I have come to understand that FEAR/PRIDE are really one and the same.  Just as a coin has two faces, this sinful posture reflects the 2-sided family flaw we inherited from our first parents, Adam & Eve.  Both responses flow out of our human bent to think we know what is best for us. 

Here’s my version of one of those situations above:

Our Virginia house had better ‘close’ with no problems on 12 June so we can move into our Carolina house on 14 June.

That’s pride – thinking I know what is best for Mike & Maria. 

Fear flows out from that, “ What if it doesn’t go according to our plan?”  And since I have lived in the world long enough to know that I can’t control everything, worries set in.

What to do?

I’m learning to imitate mature Christians:  I speak God’s truth back to myself. Here are some examples.

·         God sees all the circumstances. (I don’t!)

·         He knows what is best. (Not me!)

·         He won’t withhold any good thing from me -Ps 84:11. (Really!)

·         I can trust Him to know and give me what is good for me.

·         All things work together for my good. (Rom 8:28)

·         God is truly in control and plans/controls/ordains/directs/allows all things that happen.

·         Who am I to think I would understand God’s ways and what is best?

I will close with a very helpful reflection that I read this weekend.  Here’s the link to the whole post (it’s definitely worth reading! )   Countering our negative assessments

The author wrote –

  • Nothing bad can happen unless there is something more than Christ that you want.

  •  So the Worst Case Scenario — is only a possible scenario if you want something more than Christ.

Each time I remind myself of that reality, I exhale and relax.  That’s right – I DO HAVE Christ!  And once you HAVE Christ (‘Christ in me, the hope of glory’ – where hope means assurance/expectation/guarantee/promise – Colossians 1:27) all else pales, because all else is just temporary.


What do you mean by ‘good’ ?

May 20, 2013

Maria Anxiety, suffering, Uncategorized , , 2 Comments

No GOOD thing does He withhold from those who walk UPRIGHTLY.  Psalm 84:11b

I’ve often volunteered that my favorite attribute of God is His sovereignty; that He is in control of everything that happens in creation.  What a lot of food for thought, this divine characteristic provides….. I continue to work out the implications of God being the controller of all that happens.

One book my friend and I studied this fall centered on the fact that we, as humans, are terrible controllers of our own lives.  The only antidote to anxiety is to hand back over to God ALL that concerns us.  HE is the happy ruler; we are miserable at TRYing to run our lives and those of others. (1 Tim 6:15… He…. is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords)

Now if God is controlling everything, then there are ‘no maverick molecules’, no unguided dust particles spinning haphazardly beyond the care of God. And even though this world is filled with both evil and good, we finite humans often mis-evaluate what seems evil and good to us.  Infinite God who created the universe, He alone is the ultimately arbiter and definer of good and evil.

If faith trusts and relies on God’s word as TRUE truth, then I, who have been given divine faith as a child of God CHOOSE to believe and take Him at His word. Following from that premise is this:  I WILL accept that whatever comes into my life is meant for my good, as defined by God. 

·         But what if that so-called ‘good’ contains pain and suffering? 

·         How can we call rape and cancer and earthquakes ‘good’?

·         Can we really believe a ‘loving’ God would purposefully send suffering?

These are all legitimate questions and I, limited in scope, can’t presume to understand all.  But I DO trust what God has said in His word and what He has shown me in my life and what I have learned from the lives of other Christians.

I’m not going to make a verse-by-verse defense of this view, for I believe that if we study God’s word without the presupposition of, “ My God would never….” we’ll see how God used/ allowed/ ordained what  He hates, i.e. evil. 

We find in many places verses like (paraphrase)   “You, my brothers, meant it (my sale into slavery)  for evil, but God meant it for good, that many people would be saved” Genesis 50:20

The comforting truth that softens the sting of future suffering is that God has planned plenty of grace to accompany each and every event that comes into our lives.  I call it: pre-positioned stockpiles of grace. Another way to say it is that each ‘pain’ comes ‘pre-loaded’ with grace.

Here are a couple of questions to consider:

·         Do we really think that we know what is good for us, our spouse or our children/grandchildren?

·         Haven’t you ever said something like, “Well, I would never have chosen XYZ, but I am so grateful for what I have gained/learned”?

What kinds of good could God intend from the suffering that He allows/ sends/ ordains?

Since God is the ultimate creative God, many are the possibilities.  Firstly, let’s look at God’s will for our lives:  that we be sanctified (1 Thess 4:3). It makes sense that if God wants to burn off worldly dross and fit us out to enjoy heaven with Him, that He will arrange circumstances that grow us more like Jesus.  He has to wean us off of worldly pleasures, leaving space to grow our appetites for heavenly, holy things. 

If we have been living on candy all our lives, taking our candy away will seem cruel. As a friend told my daughter-in-law who has suffered strep throat multiple times this spring:

“God loves you enough…… to work on you, to give you hard things”

Each morning and multiple times through the day when I fear those HARD THINGS, I talk to Maria and exhort myself:

·         Have faith in God’s future grace.

·         Don’t preview all the possible ‘what-ifs’!   God is your Papa.  He is taking care of that.

·         Don’t hold your breath.  BREATHE!  You don’t have to keep it all together.  You’re just a child.  That’s His job.

·         Just trust and obey.

·         He’s got it all covered and thought out.  Manna for the day.  Grace for the day.  Mercies for the day.

·         Rest in His provision. 

·         Be outward focused.  Who around you needs a hand, is discouraged?

 One last thought about God’s promise in Psalm 84:11: that last word uprightly  (Strong’s Hebrew #8549 – Tamiym) means integral/together or whole.  The parallel idea in the NT is found when Jesus teaches us to stop worrying about all the different concerns in our lives.  Remember when Jesus is teaching in the hills?  He exhorts His hearers NOT to be anxious.  ‘Anxious’ in Greek is the word merimnao (Strongs Greek 3308). Etymologically derived from merizo = “to divide;” and nous = “mind”, it pictures very scattered-brained folk.   So when we are anxious or worried, we are NOT integral, we are divided into different pieces.  We even say things like, “I was torn apart…I’m so divided…..I’m meeting myself coming and going”

God calls us to be whole, integral and upright.  And when we are, by the power of the Holy Spirit, then the promise is for us that NO GOOD THING is withheld from us. The ONLY way to be in our right mind, to be one, is to focus on Him, on the Kingdom, on our inheritance/treasure in heaven, on His promises of future grace.

Father, unless you help us, we will buzz around fragmented and frazzled.  Pull us together, give us strength to rely on You, to put all our eggs in Your basket. 

What calms my anxious heart when I think….. I have to have….. my way…

February 23, 2013

Maria Anxiety, Control, Faith, Peace, Philippians, Uncategorized , Leave a comment

Do not be anxious about anything…Phil 4:6

 

Who, today, is NOT anxious?  We all have circumstances that we are hoping will work out a certain way.  And the fact that we are not in control, and therefore, have no guarantee that things will work out the way we “NEED” them to happen is our recipe for anxiety.

  • Travel arrangements in the midst of impending snowstorms
  • Medical treatments to bring a loved one back to health
  • Babies growing in the womb
  • The safe return of a son, daughter, mom or dad from deployment
  • Job cuts to be avoided; new jobs to had
  • A buyer to come along and offer the ‘right price’ at the ‘right time’
  • A special friend for a lonely child
  • A college acceptance; that certain scholarship
  • A viable pregnancy this time and not another miscarriage
  • A marriage proposal that is ‘just right’
  • A marriage to back away from the precipice and heal
  • A spouse or adult child to stay sober
  • Even….the pain that comes from not knowing but desperately praying for a loved one to come to Christ

I came across a line in a book that offers much more security and comfort than ‘hoping’ that the right circumstances will prevail.  I don’t know where I got it, so I can’t give credit.  But the author was obviously inspired by Biblical truth in Romans 8:28. Here is my paraphrase:

May we pin our hopes not on the ‘right’ circumstances to come about, but on God’s promise to work out ALL circumstances (‘panta’)  for our good and for His glory.  And since God’s desire and will for those who LOVE GOD (the only qualification) is to conform us to our elder Brother, Jesus, then we can relax in the FACT that His plan WILL be done.

As you know, Mike and I are waiting on 3 biggies in our transition to Phase 4 of our working life:

1) The ‘right buyer’ for our house in enough time so we can indeed purchase the ‘right house’

2) The ‘right job’ for me in Asheville at the ‘right income’

3) The ‘right number and kind ‘of paying clients for Mike’s consulting business

 

But we don’t have to be anxious because ALL the details, twists and turns of each day are being providentially controlled by Him.  I don’t have to hold my breath and hope that my particular version of ‘Maria & Mike’s best life’ works out.

Two problems with THAT life script – it might not be what is actually best for us.  And I have no ability to make/force it to happen.  Minor details, right?

But here is what I DO have – an absolute iron-clad/blood-bought promise that Jesus, my archegos: i.e. chief leader/controller/ director/ champion/prince/ author and teleiotes: i.e. finisher/completer/perfector of the faith He planted in me when I was

———–born again…… transferred from the Kingdom of Darkness to the Kingdom of Light….. crucified with Him and given new life………

IS IN CHARGE of all the details concerning us and is guiding them/ controlling them/ orchestrating them…for our best as He defines best.

Breathe in….breathe out….and join me in opening YOUR clenched fist.  What are  you pinning your hope on ? If it’s on anything but Christ our Rock, then your mental state will continue to drive you nuts.  Not exactly a good walking billboard for the benefits of belonging to ‘The Way, the Truth and the Life’.

 Your future includes manna. It will come. There is no sense devising future scenarios now because God will do more than you anticipate. When you understand God’s plan to give future grace, you have access to what is arguably God’s most potent salve against worry and fear. (Ed Welch, Running Scared)

 

Addicted to calm waters

November 11, 2012

Maria Contentment, Peace, Uncategorized , , , , Leave a comment

As I write this, Calvin seems better. His downward spiral after some routine surgery led to the vet calling me during my 8th grade logic class. Either he had serious neurological problems or he was a member of a tiny percentage of cats allergic to that particular antibiotic.  Dr. Crist gently mentioned, “If this is a neurological issue, euthanasia might be the kindest option.”

As the tears welled up and I reached for tissues, my 24 budding adults didn’t know quite what to do.  Through sniffles and a tight throat, I explained what the vet had said and what God was teaching me through this experience.  Friday was another day colored by difficult circumstances that had been unfolding during the past two weeks.  Even before my mind absorbed the possibility of actually losing Calvin, God had been teaching me.

Negative lessons:

  • Functionally, I am addicted to a problem-free life.
  • I act as if my pets and family members are mine.
  • The more I need circumstances to go my way, the less I have of real peace.
  • I need trials and difficult circumstances to wean me off of false and damaging ideas.

Positive lessons:

  • I am a steward of anything that I previously looked at as ‘mine.’
  • I am here on Earth to do my Master’s bidding.
  • My desires for peace, health, comfort, rest are good and legitimate and given to me by God.  Where I go wrong is in expecting that they will be satisfied my way here on Earth.  But in heaven, I will be bowled over by how they are met.
  • If I have been bought (redeemed) and forgiven by God because of Jesus’ work on my behalf, then I have a new full-time and life-long calling.  I am a soldier AND ambassador in the Lord’s army.  My orientation must change.  It is no longer Maria’s life and Maria’s agenda and Maria’s desires.  I am a servant.
  • I am to put on HIS clothes and armor each day before going out to share the terms of peace with the remaining rebels who haven’t heard the news about the Conquering King.
  • I wear my wedding invitation to the divine, heavenly banquet.  When Maria died and was reborn by the Holy Spirit, her admittance to the Eternal Party was woven and sewn into her new self.  The blood-written letters lovingly spell out what awaits me.  One day I will be ushered into the presence of the Lamb and the Father.  It is THEN that I can relax.
  • In the meantime, like Jesus demonstrated 2000 years ago, my expectation should be to strip my cumbersome robe of Maria’s agenda, wrap a towel around my waist and wash the feet of those in my path.

Reading and personalizing an Andrew Murray quote on acquiescing to God’s sovereignly-sent trials has helped me.  I summarize what he wrote with 4 prepositions –   By, In, Under, For.

These troubled waters (picture roily seas like the kind Peter walked on) have been sent to me

  • BY GOD’S DIVINE APPOINTMENT
  • IN HIS KEEPING
  • UNDER HIS TRAINING
  • FOR MY GOOD, FOR THE LENGTH OF TIME HE SEES FIT

And what are troubled waters? –  Any circumstance that I don’t like, such as

– problems and disappointments

– delays and frustrations

– trouble and disaster

– sickness and death

– even evil

In short – unmet expectations.

Yet, I act and feel surprised when calm waters evaporate. I shouldn’t.  After all, didn’t Jesus affirm that we would have troubles in this life?  Why do I work so hard to avoid what is inevitable in a fallen world?

As bleak as the above might seem, we can take hope.  These trials are NOT a cosmic ‘whoops’.   God IS in charge.  The Fall is not a surprise.  He has ordained it and is using it for His purposes – His Good purposes.  We can trust Him.

So like Peter, to the extent that we keep our eyes and thoughts fixed on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, and trust Him to walk with us through the Valley and through rough waters, we will grow in experiencing His true peace.  NOT the peace that depends on circumstances.

PS:  If our desires won’t be satisfied until the next life, shouldn’t we be coaching our kids how to delay gratification?     

Plagued and assaulted by diabolical thoughts

October 29, 2012

Maria Hebrews, Uncategorized , , , , , , 5 Comments

Bless Charles Spurgeon!  I am so thankful for this 19th century preacher.  Trolling a collection of sermons regarding spiritual warfare landed this life-saving thought: the Devil plants destructive ideas like rat-traps, ready to snap shut and hold us captive.

For years since the age of 16, I have been prisoner to a cruel master and regularly beaten up & battered with the idea that my worth and significance come from weighing 125 pounds. When I started to gain weight, I then fell prey to the self-salvation trap of bulimia.

Long story short, God rescued me from the pit of this eating disorder, but I have still been tethered to the harmful idea of “Weighing X=good day  v. Weighing non-X = bad day”.

God has lovingly allowed/ sent/ willed/ gifted me with this trial and I am beginning to bless Him and thank Him for it.  Yes, many tears, struggles and much depression have resulted from it, but also immeasurable insight into the incomparable worth of Jesus has also ensued.

What I read Sunday in one of Spurgeon’s sermons was that our peace with God can often be disturbed by a tempting thought from Satan.

“That’s it! These are not MY thoughts and THUS TRUE. When I get on the scales in the morning, see a number and then conclude/ think __________(whatever), that is NOT MY THOUGHT, but a temptation meant to sabotage my peace.  It’s a landmine straight from the pit of Hell, ready to destroy my day, my peace, my gladness!”

All of a sudden, power and strength flowed into me.  I suddenly felt FREE.  I had been given a weapon to fight back.

**

One of the verses that I meditate on each morning is Hebrews 13:5:

Be free from the love of X (money, comfort, enough personal time, rest, weighing ___) and be CONTENT with your circumstances for God has said, ‘I will never abandon you, forsake you or leave you without support’ Therefore, we say with confidence, the Lord is our Helper. We will not fear.  What can anyone do to us!!?’

The Greek word for Content (ar-ke-o/714) has the sense of SELF-barriers; that is of raised walls, erected to guard one’s thought-life, to prevent and block assaulting lies lobbed into our conscious and sub-conscious from the enemy.

This view, that an idea or thought might not be true, that it might not be mine, because it comes from Satan is freeing me to hold on to my peace with God.

That thought -coupled with the truth that all that happens to me is sent by my happy and blessed Father for my good – is like healthy leaven beginning to work its bubbly way through my thought life.  Everything I read seems to reinforce this remedy for anxiety/unsettledness.  As I practice resting and acquiescing to life’s circumstances, seeing that they come from God, I am beginning to want to guard this peace with ever increasing jealously.

I read last night that one of the Puritan fathers purposely began his day reviewing this happy gospel fact, designed to make him want to rejoice in Christ:

  • that he had been granted the joy-filled freedom of a little boy content to play in safety
  • because our great Savior Jesus had resolutely stood His ground, enduring the cross, ‘playing the man’ aka displaying immense courage and love
  • absorbing and soaking up all of God’s wrath –  rightly meant for us – but deflected on purpose to His beloved son
  • as just punishment for all OUR sins
  • thereby leaving us, God’s happy chosen children to live and serve in safety
  • basking in the Father’s love

May we begin our days with THOSE heaven-sent thoughts and reject unholy hand grenades meant to destroy us.

Overwhelmed…again!

August 27, 2011

Maria 1 Samuel , , , 2 Comments

Anxiety, my old friend!

No….I want new companions. I’m sick and tired of flirting with dysfunctional thinking.  Isn’t that what ‘renewing our minds’ is all about?  Aren’t we new creations?  Where’s that daily bread of “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me!”?

Welcome back to the first week of school. I was excited all summer, riding the crest of free time and still basking in the completion of a surprising good year.

Yet here I am again, at the start of my 20th year of teaching French, fighting feelings of inadequacy.  I don’t understand.  I can only chalk it up to God’s decision that for this stage of sanctification, I still need to remember every 15 minutes that He is my only source of confidence.  But I would like to FEEL competent. I would like to know that I can do this French-teacher thing.

If you know me via this blog or in person, you know that I teach French via a method that is intuitive, creative, student-affirming and effective (TPRS™ – Teaching Proficiency through Reading and Storytelling). But it’s hard!  No hiding behind a text book or worksheets.  I compare it to being a stand-up comedienne who depends on a good audience to feed her energy and material in such a way that a symbiotic relationship develops that is satisfying to all.  When it’s good, it’s very, very good.  But when there is no energy in the room, or when I, the comedienne/teacher don’t read the students well and go too fast or jump around, it’s discouraging to me (and probably confusing to them!)

I take their learning and progress, their enjoyment and confidence very personally because I am always comparing myself to the ‘experts’ in my field. These are the ones I watch at conferences and those whose advice and experiences I read daily.

Okay, enough of my professional woes.  I want to share with you how I am talking to myself.  The Bible gives us the example of David, “…who encouraged himself in the Lord” – 1 Sam 30:6.  What a great line. While living in Ziklag, an outpost in the boondocks, with his band of men and their families the Amalekites had attacked.  Women, children and livestock were carted away while David and his men were serving with the Philistines.  We learn of David’s reaction as he and the men discover the sacking of their families.

How dire was David’s situation?  Very! Not only had his wives and kids been kidnapped by the nasty Amalekites, his men turned to stone him, their leader. It was he they blamed.   David’s faith is tested and his reaction is amazing!  Faith is vindicated.  His reaction is worthy of emulating.  No time for a pity-party.

Yet I do believe that David was no Pollyanna.  If he ‘encouraged’ himself, that is because he was fighting internal discouragement and fear, just like we do.

Life is challenging and overwhelming at times. We get down, but we are not meant to stay there!  What we say to ourselves can really make a difference.

Last Sunday, our pastor was talking about the joy of an assurance of faith and of belonging to Christ.  This is our birth-right as born-again, regenerated children of God.  But we have to rehearse to ourselves the truth of the blessings that come with this new life in Christ. (As one of my students taught me in Latin, repetitio est mater studiorum – thank you Carter Moonis!)

What is our birthright as believers?  These 3 gifts:

  • ·         Forgiveness of our sins.  This is HUGE.  We are born into a world where the wrath of God is on us from the beginning.  Without Christ’s work on the cross, we would have to face God in our sins.  (if you don’t think your sins are bad, try ‘rebellion’ on for size – that heads the list)
  • ·         An assured future with Jesus: We were created to enjoy glorifying God.  Doing so forever will be unbelievably satisfying. (Collect the best moments of your life and multiply them by some gigantic mathematical number)
  • ·         Understanding the big picture:  Call this worldview or the meaning of life.  It’s about understanding and knowing why we were born and our life’s purpose. As Christians, we are equipped with an explanation for suffering (the fall and resulting sin).  But we are equally blessed, living with the assurance that there WILL BE ultimate justice, that all wrongs will be righted in the end.  (Spoiler alert – read the Book of Revelation)

Sooo?  How does that help with our anxieties today?    How does remembering our birthright make a difference in the gritty trenches? Maybe it’s just about relaxing, continually talking to God and giving things over to Him as we do our daily work with the strength and wisdom He provides.  In, around and through that work, we are to practice contentment with His gifts and love others to the best of ability.

And my French classes?  Well, I have to remember that I’ve gotten into the groove in the past; most likely I will again this year.  And before I know it, I will be blogging in May about what a great year I had.  But you can still pray for me!

 

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