How we talk to ourselves matters

November 15, 2025

Maria Belief, Fear, God's faithfulness, Prayer, Psalm 107, Psalm 126, Unbelief , , , , , Leave a comment

“The Lord has done great things for me, and I am glad.”
 Ps. 126:3 — my paraphrase

So many of my friends are journeying through difficult times. Some face cancer scares, others lament and then pray with hope for prodigals, and a few have lost jobs.

Last week, I celebrated the Lord’s goodness to me as He led me into the light, having birthed a book, Feed on Him: 365 Daily Devotions to Make God’s Word Yours with His help. One practical anchor that kept me from allowing myself to be overcome by difficulties was the phrase, “The story I’m telling myself is . . . .”

We all move through our days with an invisible but steady inner monologue. For far too long, mine has been more negative than positive—even as a follower of Jesus. Though, you wouldn’t notice that about me, for I project “cheery and animated” when I interact with others.

But I have decided to try to change my thought patterns. Since the beginning of November—two weeks now—I have invested time most mornings in writing down personalized versions of Scripture to remind me just how much God loves me. The idea is that if I “marinate”—as Scotty Smith writes—in His eternal agape love for me, that can rewire my heart and my body. Yes, I’m brainwashing myself with God’s truth.

Anyone can turn Scripture into a personal confession, praying it back to the Lord. Today I have in mind the grown daughter of a sweet friend of mine. This young mom and other family members are waiting for the results of a biopsy, knowing that a positive result would be serious.

Using Psalm 126:3 as a prompt to announce God’s goodness, I’ve customized some of Psalm 107, announcing God’s Word as having already happened. I had written it for myself after the book project. Stressing over it had caused my body to exhibit some very distracting physical side effects.

Vs. 1 I give thanks to You, O Lord, for You are good; Your steadfast love for me lasts forever.
Vs. 2 I, redeemed by Your love, do say so, for You have redeemed me from many past troubles.
Vs. 5–6 When my soul was fainting from fear within me and I cried out to You, Lord, You delivered me from my distress.
Vs. 7 And You led me by a straight way.
Vs. 8 I thank You for Your unfailing love for me.
Vs. 14 You brought me out of the darkness of my own despair. You burst my bonds.
Vs. 15 I do thank You for Your steadfast love that never changes.
Vs. 19 When I cried to You in my trouble, You delivered me from my distress.
Vs. 20 You sent out Your Word and healed me.

We’re not blind to circumstances, but our God is more powerful than any created detail. As the prophet proclaimed:

“Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed.”
 Jeremiah 17:14 NIV

It is far better to learn to receive……

August 19, 2025

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For it was I, the LORD your God, who rescued you from the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things. Psalm 81:10 NLT 

This is day four of our two-week trip to Switzerland and Italy. Reading this blog, you probably are aware that I have a problem with choosing to imagine problems instead of picturing What if it’s Wonderful? That question is not just the title of a book worth reading, but a framework I am trying to adopt. 

So far, everything about this European adventure has been over-the-top amazingly delightful.  Last night, awake for a few hours, (no, not jet lag, just something that plagues me from time to time), I put two and two together. 

I am like one of my granddaughters. For a while she has been fearing that she is not a good enough Christian, that she has to earn God’s love, that she has to do amazing things for Christ. In what sense am I similar to her?  

One line from a recent prayer written by Pastor Scotty Smith describes me: “If I maintain a daily regimen of Bible reading, Scripture memorization, and quiet times, but don’t really believe the Gospel, I am a disciplined unbeliever”.

If anything, I am disciplined in my daily practices, from time with the Lord to language practice, exercise, food prep and even this writing. But I don’t believe what Jesus actually says. Here is how I know. 

In the months leading up to our departure to Italy, I forecast all sorts of situations that might go wrong. Usually in the middle of the night, too. I would attempt to solutionize imaginary scenarios. But so far, God has stunned me by His goodness.

Planes arrived and landed on time. We managed to snag a first class upgrade on our Delta flight to Zürich for not much more money. The hotel in Zürich offered us a room at 10 am the morning we landed at half the rate of a normal night. We rented a car and safely FOUND the Airbnb in an out-of-the-way little hamlet reached by ancient narrow roads. Mike navigated 108 hairpin turns up and over the Swiss Alps after we inadvertently chose the most stressful mountain pass.  And our host, Cesary, has demonstrated inordinate, over-the-top care with fresh bread deliveries, a stocked fridge and a plant in the apartment.  I haven’t even mentioned the view of the hills from our sunny balcony.

I don’t deserve any of this, especially after I have hurt Jesus by not believing that He is good.

But that is the point, isn’t it. No one deserves grace. He keeps giving even when we don’t trust Him.  So, my dear granddaughter, I am learning as are you, that we don’t need to fear we are not ‘good enough’.  Of course we aren’t. We’re fallen, broken sinners. But forgiven and greatly loved ones. And that makes all the difference. 

So, I raise my glass of wine and give thanks to my Father who exhorts me: Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things.

Grazie mille!

Do you believe in what is invisible?

April 18, 2024

Maria Belief, John 20, Prayer, Satan, Spiritual Warfare, Unbelief , , , , , 1 Comment

Then Jesus told him, “You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.” John 20:29 NLT

Saturday, while walking along the greenway trail behind our house, I stopped to chat with a couple who own the breed of dog I would choose, were I ever to be a dog owner. (We are cat lovers!) This husband and wife exercise their pair of miniature Australian sheepdogs every day, throwing frisbees wide and far for them to chase. 

To control one of her dogs, the ‘mom’ carries a whistle that only dogs and other animals can pick up. It emits a soundwave at a frequency that humans can’t detect. Her disobedient dog doesn’t like it and immediately stops chasing the squirrel or other critter that tempt him to bound away.

I have to take this woman’s word that the whistle really produces a sound. I can’t hear it, but apparently it is reality.  Just like I can’t see other phenomena that truly exist. But that doesn’t mean that they aren’t real.  I searched for another example to share with you.  

Apparently, photographers have found a way to capture the fluorescent radiance of flowers using a technique called UVIVF (ultraviolet-induced visible fluorescence) photography. The naked eye can’t catch this intrinsic quality, but the photos I saw on line showed a beautiful glow around blossom.

Logically, if we take as a given the things in nature that we can’t detect with our human senses, then would it not follow that a God who is invisible to us could also exist? Especially, since there are eye-witness accounts?

I, as a believer, trust God and accept the scriptures as true. Yet, I still functionally act as an unbeliever in one major way.  Even though Jesus told his disciples that he would be with them always, I go about the majority of my day not talking to Jesus as though he were present. Which he is.

I’m like many of the clients I meet at our local choose life pregnancy center. A fair number identify themselves Christians. But they don’t accept that Jesus IS alive and present. Since they don’t feel him, or see him, it’s as though he isn’t here. And that makes it easy to ignore him.

I don’t want ever to ignore Jesus.  So, I make a point of talking out loud to him during my quiet time. I sit at the dining room table and address the Lord sitting across from me.  I chat with him, thanking him, praising him and committing my cares and those of others to him for the day. I also ask his opinion about things that are bothering me.

But sometimes that is the only time of day, I talk to him. I’m trying to change. But Satan seems to interpose little obstacles that hinder my engaging with the living Son of God. This morning, during my quiet time, I found myself putting off talking to him.

After reading and meditating on the passages for today, I wanted to move on and read a couple of devotionals, instead of praying first.  I said to myself, ‘I’ll read Oswald Chambers and John Piper to see what they have to say this morning. Then I’ll talk to Jesus.”  Clearly, I preferred reading what some men had to say about Jesus rather than hearing from the living Lord right there in my dining room.

By grace, I realized that I was stalling, and with the Lord present!  That felt embarrassing. What could be more important than being together, face to face with our Father, our Brother and the Holy Spirit, the triune almighty and holy God?

If you’re like me, then we need to accept as fact that we’ll encounter some kind of resistance, maybe even every day.  Proof positive, that Satan doesn’t want us relying on the presence of God, of talking to him and hearing from him.   Much ‘safer’ if we just discuss the Lord, as someone from the past. Even as we pay lip service to the reality of the living Jesus.

What can we do? Wearing a rubber band or bracelet on your wrist might be a tool, or setting a timer to ping every 30 minutes as a reminder. What I’m choosing to do is use my little old-school 4×6 spiral notebook. I look at it frequently throughout my day.  This morning I added another ‘to do’:

“Talk to you, Jesus, throughout the day.” 

When God gives what you didn’t even think to ask for

March 7, 2024

Maria Ephesians 3, God's Provision, Psalm 37, Trusting God, Unbelief , , , , , , Leave a comment

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Ephesians 3:20 NLT

Is there something that you dread? Some big project or task that has fallen to you?  You can’t see how you will accomplish it, given your limitations as well as the time you have? You probably stress, producing anxiety just imagining it.

That was me in the days leading up to my trip back up to Asheville, just 2 weeks after Mom’s death.

I had agreed to help my sister-in-law, Eve, clear out Mom’s apartment after her death. Steve has a full-time job and Mike had work commitments too, staying home with the cats. The deadline for turning over the apartment to management is next week, if the family doesn’t want to pay another month’s rent to this retirement complex.

I had pictured us working almost nonstop 8-9 hours each day.  Given what I imagined, I didn’t know what to do about lunches, since lunch is one of my two daily meals. I didn’t want to eat out and wasn’t sure what I could bring from either my house for the time away or buy locally.

I was also dreading the work involved in sorting out her apartment, since I pictured it as a HUGE task.

Like anything else, I need not have worried.

In my conversations with Jesus before I departed, I felt him suggesting that I do something a bit ‘risky’. He led me to recall Jesus’ disciples who went out 2 by 2 with no food and no extra baggage.  So, for the ‘fun of it’ and curious to see how the Lord would provide, I traveled light, opting to trust him to ‘work it out’. 

Here’s how surprised me. Eve and her husband, Mike’s brother Steve, have started eating meat after being vegan for a long time.  I had known that but didn’t realize how aligned Eve and I are about food, now that she is a meat-eater.  I ended up cooking 3 of our dinners and we went out to dine at a Brazilian steak house where there was a LOT of meat. It was great.

The night before the first work day I asked Eve what time she eats her first meal. We worked it out for the two of us, stopping at the grocery store to buy what we needed each day.  The lunches I fixed myself were perfect. She happily prepared what she wanted as well.  Eve turned out to be pretty chill about food.

But what was even better was that the work load I had imagined as huge was much lighter.  Because of the Lord’s gracious provision of efficient team work plus my SUV whose back seat folds down, Eve and I wrapped up everything by lunch time of the third work day.  We got to rest and chat that afternoon back at their house.

Nor did we work non-stop.

We took plenty of time to chat, getting to know each other’s heart.  She and Steve have been married only 12 years. Before this visit we had never spent 3 days, just the two of us, talking and sharing.

That was the biggest gift to me. She felt it too. We are much closer now.

So, why did I worry? Why do you angst about the future? I know for a fact that you and I have seen the Lord come through time and time again. You’d think we would learn and finally trust him.

Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He will do it. Psalm 37:5 NASB

Your and my unbelief is what keeps us from relying on God at all times.  This sin we must confess each day, asking for his help.  But even though we will continue to indulge in fleshly worry and likely allow ourselves to listen to Satan’s thought-suggestions of lack, we have Jesus’ perfect obedience imputed to us. Jesus trusted the Father always and depended on him for guidance and strength to do the hard things.

May you and I NOT beat ourselves up, but relax in God’s provision and ask for help each moment, not only for the situations themselves but for us to count on him completely. Afterall, he DID create the universe out of nothing.  

Jesus’ practical advice

January 6, 2024

Maria Anxiety, God's Mercy, God's Promises, God's Provision, Matthew 6, Problems, Promises, Psalm 23, Unbelief, Watchman, Worry , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

“So, don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. Matthew 6:34 NLT

If you were to analyze all that you are anxious about this moment, what percentage would be about today’s events or circumstances? Do you think more of your ‘worry bank’ would be directed and spent on hypothetical future problems?

Up until this morning, I’ve always reacted to Jesus’ reality check about ‘enough trouble today’ with a ‘Thanks a lot, Jesus! Just how is that supposed to make me feel better? ‘

But while meditating on Psalm 23:6, the Spirit triggered my memory and I looked up to see just where Jesus had announced this common-sense advice. Matthew 6:34 follows his command that THIS day we focus foremost on the Kingdom of God and its spread. Forestalling our, ‘but what about ….?,’ he assures us that all today’s needs are being met, right now.

A dear friend of mine currently feels buried by fears of the future regarding new work projects. He feels burdened by all the unknowns. He is also very skilled and practiced at imagining the worst. (I’m not sure who would win that competition, he or I!)  So, scouring Scripture this morning, I searched for fresh encouragement for him. It just so happened that this week’s BSF lesson on John 10 has us re-reading Psalm 23 to find descriptions of Jesus as our good shepherd.

I have always loved the first part of verse 6 (NLT): Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life…My mom often talked about the image of God’s ‘Hound of Heaven’, (title of one of Francis Thompson’s 1890 poem) chasing us, almost glued to us as a shadow.

As I applied this truth to myself and the things I often fearfully imagine, I teased out what God’s kindness, mercies and his faithful loving favor toward us imply. In other words, I saw clearly what I and all of us who know God should do each day. Kind of like wearing an ‘If X, then Y’ pair of glasses.

If God’s ‘tob’ and his ‘chesed’ are chasing me today and every day, then:

  • Maybe I should slow down and enjoy them.
  • Certainly, I should be expecting them, and be on the lookout for each one, like a watchman assigned to a tower.
  • That way, I can thank Jesus at the end of the day, mentioning concrete occasions of when I saw his provision.
  • Furthermore, I’ll always have a fresh crop of examples of God’s love to distribute to thirsty people who are desperate for hope.

So, back to my friend; here’s how I hope to encourage him.  Instead of dreading what he imagines he might have to face in these new job possibilities, I will gently counsel him to stay IN today, trusting Jesus’s promise that he will provide. That statement about ‘enough trouble today’ means today’s rescues and mercies have been planned and already remedied, BUT to meet ONLY today’s needs.

As John Piper points out: the root of all our worry is unbelief in God’s promises.

God won’t supernaturally make us count on him and not worry.  But he gives us plenty of practice to trust his character and throw ourselves on his guaranteed vows.

Do you believe the minority report?

July 22, 2023

Maria Discouragement, Faith, Fear, Healing, Job 34, Mark 5, Pain, Romans 8, Satan, Trusting God, Unbelief , , , , 1 Comment

While He was still speaking, people came from the house of the synagogue official, saying, “Your daughter has died; why bother the Teacher further? But Jesus, overhearing what was being spoken, said to the synagogue official, “Do not be afraid, only believe. Mark 5:35-36 NASB

You’ve heard it said that God doesn’t waste any of our sufferings. That he works them for our good.  John Piper, pastor and theologian, has angled this principle in a challenging way, encouraging believers themselves NOT to waste the suffering appointed for them.

My daughter-in-law asked me the other day about sleep irregularities, “What do you think the Lord is showing you?”   Useful question, for it reenforced the truth that we should always be praying as did Job, ‘Teach me what I do not see!’ (34:32)

My latest adventure has been into the world of pain.  Specifically, hip and back pain. Today is day 65. (Yes, I’m keeping a record of this journey).

‘Father, this pain seems to have gotten worse in the last week.  I’m afraid I won’t get better!’ I confessed yesterday morning.  Mark gave me the first scriptural exhortation NOT to fear, but instead to trust what Jesus says and does. A little while later, the Holy Spirit asked, ‘Have you truly handed this pain and fear over to the Lord?’ I responded, ‘How can I, when IT keeps coming back each time I move?’ He shot back, ‘That’s a false report. This is only psychological warfare, employed by the enemy. Don’t believe it.’

This morning, my hip hurt even in bed. Once up, coffee at hand, I journaled to encourage myself: ‘The evidence points to ongoing ‘pain’.  But I will not fear.  I will trust you, Jesus.  No weapon formed against me will succeed, neither poor sleep, nor pain, nor any other distraction. Help me!  I bring my total self to you, Father, Lord, Spirit, Holy Three, worthy of my full attention.  I know you are working this pain for my good, as you do with all affliction and suffering.’

What next came to mind stunned me. A resolve, a conviction. I’m not going to believe the ‘Minority Report’ of:

  • My flesh
  • The world, or….
  • Satan

Instead, I am going to believe the ‘Majority Report’ of:

  1. 66 Biblical writers
  2. The Holy Spirit
  3. Jesus
  4. Father God
  5. All the angels in heaven
  6. the ‘Crowd of Witnesses’ who have gone on before me
  7. Phil and Adrienne, my 2 physical therapists.

I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but this day, I will look to the Lord.

Do you dread getting old?

May 19, 2023

Maria Exodus, Joshua 14, Miracles, Nehemiah 9, Psalm 78, Unbelief , , , , , , , Leave a comment

We hear of death and disease all around us, whether the circumstances concern people we know firsthand like family, friends and colleagues or those we only know of, like Tim Keller.

These accounts can scare us and even depress us once we reach a certain age.

Given that context and being in my mid-60s, I’ve been thinking a lot about the Hebrews whom God miraculously and almost inconceivably delivered out of Egyptian enslavement.

But you know their story of appalling unbelief after having lived through and witnessed God’s protection of Goshen, the housing area assigned them, as plagues struck their captors and not them. But God’s visible and tangible working on their behalf continued. Miracles included:

  • The astounding night flight with all their belongings, not to mention gifted riches from their neighbors.
  • Safe and dry passage along the seabed when it looked like they were trapped, only to be slaughtered.
  • God’s judgment on their cocky pursuers by drowning when the sea walls were released and the water found its previous equilibrium.

With all that ‘seeing-MUST-be-believing’ evidence, we scratch our heads with incredulity as we read about their complaints and selective memory regarding water and the lack of food choices.

I know you are familiar with all these accounts, but have you considered the less showy, but the other astounding ways God provided for them?  Take the manna, for instance.

Reading in Psalm 78:24-25:

…..and he (God) rained down on them manna to eat and gave them the grain of heaven. Man ate of the bread of the angels; he sent them food in abundance. (ESV)

And in Nehemiah 9:20-21:

…….You gave your good Spirit to instruct them and did not withhold your manna from their mouth and gave them water for their thirst. Forty years you sustained them in the wilderness, and they lacked nothing. Their clothes did not wear out and their feet did not swell. (ESV)

Think for a moment.  The food God provided turned out to be supernatural power food.  It must have been perfectly balanced with enough energy to enable them to do the hard labor of unpacking household gear, tabernacle construction, herd tending, packing up family belongings and worship materials and then walking mile after mile (in circles).

The women did not have to do much meal prep, for God consistently provided what they needed and they ate their full.  And about their clothes, young girls didn’t learn to card wool, weave yarn, sew or repair clothing. For nothing they put on wore out, even their sandals. That doesn’t describe the life I know. For I buy replacement clothes and shoes on a regular basis!

Furthermore, the detail I REALLY love, the one that makes smile, is that among all twelve tribes of aging men and women no one’s feet swelled. That’s such a real fact of life about our bodies as we age.  Just praise God as you consider how he thought of everything.

God’s ability to sustain the generation that WAS to receive the promised inheritance makes me recall Caleb.

Do you remember this valiant man?  Shortly into the wilderness wanderings, he and Joshua took part in a recon assignment to investigate the new lands promised them.  Sadly, these two men were the only ones among the twelve who reported that the new territory lived up to God’s description and waited to be received.  The other tribe representatives skewered the group’s analysis out of fear and the people believed the majority report.

Therefore, God caused that generation of Hebrews to die before seeing or crossing into the promised land.

But Joshua and Caleb made it through the wilderness and entered the inheritance God had readied for them. Just as he promised.

Look at Caleb’s evaluation of the previous years in Joshua 14:10-11:

Now, as you can see, the LORD has kept me alive and well as he promised for all these forty-five years since Moses made this promise—even while Israel wandered in the wilderness. Today I am eighty-five years old. I am as strong now as I was when Moses sent me on that (scouting) journey, and I can still travel and fight as well as I could then. (NLT)

If we take the Exodus wilderness journey of 40 years with all its trials, deprivations and suffering as a metaphor for life on earth 1.0 and if making it safely to the promised land presents a picture of our arrival in heaven, then Caleb’s words and example should give us pause.

The ageing process doesn’t HAVE to be ‘downhill all the way and then we die’.

Caleb shows us (and Joshua as well) that it is possible some of us will still be physically and mentally vigorous and vibrant on the day God has predetermined for us to cross over.  

Why am I drawing out this point?  Because I listen to many friends my age and older who think and expect that decline and pain are inevitable as we approach our last days. I don’t doubt that those days have been scripted by God. What I’m pushing back on is how I hear my friends talk about what they think is bound to happen at the slight indicator of decline.  It’s so negative.

But why not aspire to be a Caleb, as much as we can.  We have the power to choose our thoughts and our words.  And the words WE say to ourselves, our heart and mind receive as ‘truth’. 

God is always doing more than we choose to ask for or dare to imagine!

Who or what dominates your thinking?

May 20, 2019

Maria 2 Samuel 19, Anxiety, Idols, Philippians 4, Thinking, Trials, Unbelief, Worry , , , , , , 2 Comments

Is it just me, or do you find that living by faith and not by sight grows HARDER and HARDER as the years go by?  The ‘pop quizzes’ that used to land on me every few weeks now seem to show up every couple of days.

Not one to spot my unbelief right away, I sense God gently but firmly taking my face between his hands (so to speak!) to make me look at my unbelief. My pride recoils at yet more evidence for my lack of trust in the Lord as Good Father, Faithful Shepherd, Wise Counselor.

This past week has been that kind of personal attention or ‘handling’.  I have struggled to let go of persistent worry. It’s not that I have been anxious about anything, rather I have OBSESSIVELY ‘angsted’.  My personalized version of Phil 4:6 is now “Do not OBSESS over anything!” rather than the tame ‘do not be anxious’.

I KNOW what I’m supposed to do and I do try!

  • Daily I hand over my needs à la ‘Cast your cares on Him….’
  • Hourly I pray with much fervor à la ‘The fervent prayers of a righteous man…..’
  • I recollect many blessings, the good things about God, who He is and what He has done and the promises laid up for me……

Yet, I feel bound up in worry.

So, it was no surprise to me that the Sovereign Lord, the One who reigns over all creation, used a portion of yesterday’s assigned Scripture from 2 Sam 19: 1-8 to show me exactly what happens when I make a created thing PRE-EMINENT in my life.

Just so you’ll know how I recognize something as being preeminent in my life, it’s those occasions when my thoughts ‘glom’ onto a created thing like sewing pins sticking to a magnet.

Here’s a synopsis of events 2 Samuel 19:

  • King David’s rebel son Absalom has been killed by David’s men and the coup squelched.  David acts ‘un-kingly’ as he indulges his natural grief in an unceasing, over-the-top inconsolable fashion.
  • He does not publicly thank the valiant ones who risked their lives and their homes to flee Jerusalem and side with him.  He does not acknowledge the cost to his loyal citizens who probably fought against some family members supportive of Absalom.
  • He obsessively wails to such an extent, to such a danger point that General Joab, his chief of the army, has to shock him into acting like a king.  Joab point blank tells him that if he doesn’t stop crying about his son and get back to doing his job as God’s anointed king, then he’ll find himself at the end of EVERYONE’s spear.

That’s the narrative in a nutshell. In what way did I see this biblical example as a gentle rebuke from God to abandon my anxious obsession?  Reading this account revealed the evil of disobedience. God had appointed David to shepherd God’s people for Him. David courted danger, almost to the point of no return, when he inverted God’s priorities. This observation is what convicted me.

The king harmed good people when he made his son more valuable, more meaningful than the welfare of those in his care.

I do the same when I place a created thing over the Creator.

Our pastor’s sermons on the preeminence of Christ have bathed my thoughts over the past several weeks (when I wasn’t anxiously obsessing!) The Greek word for preeminence ‘proteuo’ is described in two ways:

  • Ranking first
  • Exercising the most influence

So even as I have struggled with handing over a particular problem to God and then taking it back, I’ve been asking myself:

“Maria, who or what is preeminent in your life?”

It’s a piercing question that demands honesty.  I have felt bound up in the time I’ve invested in trying to ‘solve this suffering’ of a loved one.  And God keeps throwing me reminders to ‘JUST STOP IT!’ (you’ll smile if you’re old enough to remember TV actor Bob Newhart as the UN-empathetic counselor). Our good Father gave me the very same counsel but from a different source.

Margin

Dr. Richard Swenson, an author whose book about regaining margin I’m re-reading, penned this arresting statement

‘The purpose of life is not to solve suffering but righteousness.’

Bolstering that truth has been the realization that EVERY single human being on earth in every epoch has lived or is experiencing now a life of suffering.  The purpose of life cannot then be to ‘solve’ suffering.  I have known this but now I KNOW it more deeply. My purpose, your purpose if you belong to Christ, is to be content in Him, to enjoy Him, to seek to please Him, to sing new songs of who He is and what He has done.  In the midst of suffering.

I think we can fall into the trap of making an idol out of a problem-free life, a life without suffering.  At least I am beginning to see that about me. And if that is my or your goal, then we are setting ourselves up for misery.

May God help us all to be joyful obedient servants of our loving God.

 

 

 

Do you dread anything?

February 1, 2019

Maria Attitude, Complaining, Fear, Isaiah 43, Unbelief , , , , 2 Comments

If you’re somewhat like me, there are certain things you dread.  They could be activities like doing laundry, sitting through meetings, resolving a hurt between you and someone else, packing for a trip, exercising or doing taxes!

What I’ve begun to see in my case is that when I ‘dread’ something, it’s because I have a pre-determined picture or scenario already fleshed out in my mind.  The imagined mini-drama is never fun, somewhat or majorly painful and an ordeal to ‘get through’ in order to arrive at an anticipated more pleasant activity that I enjoy.

At age 61, however, I have to admit that my actual experience of what I dread compared to what transpires is rarely in sync.  The dread is far worse than the event.

What helps me, these days, is to say to myself:  “Maria, who made you clairvoyant? You only THINK you can predict how something will be.  You don’t know at all.  And past experiences do not determine future experiences.”

This FACT should be obvious for Christians, when they actually reflect, for God teaches that He is sovereign over every molecule in the universe.  Remember, if He is NOT in control, then He is not God.

So now,

  • when I dread the army combat movie my husband has picked out for us to watch, I say to myself, “Who knows, maybe you WILL enjoy it tonight!”
  • when I dread doing my exercise routine in the morning upon rising, I say to myself, “Who knows, maybe you’ll feel really strong and finish encouraged!”
  • when I dread going back to school on a Monday morning, I say to myself, “Who knows, maybe a student’s eureka moment will leave you feeling grateful to be teaching French!”
  • when I dread a meeting, I say to myself, “Who knows, maybe I’ll acquire some new information that makes my work easier!”
  • when I dread being with someone who ‘always’ complains or adopts a negative or critical demeanor, I say to myself, “Who knows, maybe God has transformed his/her heart and I’ll be surprised!”

I find I can catch and correct my inner monologue more easily these days.  I also draw heart from God’s Word in Isaiah 43:19:

See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland. (NIV)

 

Functional Pauper

January 8, 2018

Maria 1 Corinthians, Confession, Contentment, Conviction, God's Word, John 8, Joshua, Lord's Supper, Psalm 23, Self-justification, Trusting God, Truth, Unbelief , , , , , , 2 Comments

Joshua 5:12: The manna ceased on the day after they had eaten some of the produce of the land, so that the sons of Israel no longer had manna, but they ate some of the yield of the land of Canaan during that year.

The point of this verse is that God provided food each and every day, even AND MOST ESPECIALLY during the transition from a wandering tribe to a settling-down people.

If God so sustained the complaining, idolatrous, disbelieving Hebrews, will He not all the more provide for me, for whom He has already died?

You would think that I would understand the logic of this example.  I do, but I still don’t trust God.  Not really.

I’m a FIVE on the Enneagram.  I’ve written before how helpful I find this way of understanding oneself.  As a FIVE, I see life and live from out of the lens of scarcity; I hoard time above all.  I also hold tight to money.

God has recently convicted me of what this hoarding represents – the sin of UNBELIEF!  Operating out of insufficient resources is my day-to-day norm.  Whether at school (I don’t think I have enough time to get all this planning done) or in the evenings with the dinner prep (preparing whole foods takes time, and YES, I realize it’s a choice I make) or even on Sunday afternoons, the time I catch up with church committee work and a phone call to a friend or family member. Bottom line, I never feel/believe/trust God that He will provide enough time to get done all that I think is necessary.

Before you think I might simply need some lessons in time management, I want you to know that I have LEARNED to be content with the tasks that don’t get completed. I somehow am able to trust God’s plan for my day regarding what gets done.  The problem is this:  I can’t cast off that feeling of pressure.  I catch myself rushing, attempting to speed up my pace in order to shorten the overall time it takes for each task.  And I don’t LIKE that.

I know rushing is wrong.  I can FEEL it. I hate it. Yet, like Paul, I do the things I don’t want to do.  Even though I know the truth.  And just why can’t I LIVE what I believe? Why do I find it so hard to trust Jesus’ assurance that ‘If one knows the truth, it will set one free’? (John 8:32)

This unbelief spreads tangled roots that smooth the path for deceitful lying. Saturday, I found myself in dialogue with God, planning and carrying out something that would require deception on my part.  I returned a product to a grocery store that I had not purchased there, but one they carried. To make it even more shameful, it was a product I had ordered from Amazon. They had shipped the wrong product and refunded me the $5.76 and said I didn’t need to return the incorrect items.  Somehow I believed that gaining an EXTRA $5.76 would make a difference in my life.  I knew it was wrong.  And I did it anyway.  The self-justifying litany continued OUT of the store, money in hand, all the way to the car.  But then came the Lord’s Supper, yesterday, in church.  As I was contemplating Jesus dying for my sins, He kindly shone the spotlight on yesterday’s ‘LITTLE’ episode so I could confess it and come clean.

Not to drop the matter before He was sure I had internalized the lesson, this morning, Jesus returned to the subject by whispering in my mind’s ear: “You could have donated those two bags of dried black-eyed peas that you didn’t want.”  One of my ‘justifying’ excuses for my deceit had been, “What am I going to do with these legumes I don’t like and that I didn’t order?”

Mike left me an encouraging word this morning on our frig whiteboard.   He had remembered my discouragement last night about my lingering scarcity mindset.  He reminded me to pick a promise from God and then count on Him to fulfill it.

Sure enough, God brought just the appropriate Word during my quiet time: Psalm 23:1

  • The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall lack NOTHING.

What comfort!  What power!  The truth is this; I’m sure you can follow the logic:

  •       If God created all time and matter
  •       and If He has adopted me into His forever family
  •      Then, He will provide for me

He will provide THE precise quantity of time and money that HE knows is best, not what I think.

I’ll let Ken Boa have the last word.  I read in his latest Reflections something that is apparent but which I had never considered.  Quoting 1 Cor 6:19b-20a You were bought with a price; you are not your own, Boa wrote, “God has invested a lot in you already!”

What a reassuring fact!  It follows from God’s investment of Jesus, the most valuable person in Eternity, that He is going to take GOOD care of me.

God help me to relax and just be a little lamb moving about and lying down at your direction.

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