God did infinitely more than I imagined.

November 30, 2025

Maria Fear, Psalm 40, Spiritual Warfare, Temptation, Trusting God , , , , , , 1 Comment


What if It’s Wonderful? — title of a book by Nicole Zasowski

I read Nicole’s account of listening to God rather than her fears probably four years ago. Her title has become one of my “tools” for battling the temptation to picture negative outcomes. Nicole, a believer in Christ, suffered multiple miscarriages before delivering a healthy baby. She learned to keep trusting the goodness of God despite her past.

“What if it’s wonderful?” turned out to be key this Thanksgiving week. Our family of 12 gathered at our oldest son’s house in Tampa. Mike and I drove down to join our six grandchildren, our two sons, and their wives.

Prior to this journey south, I had indulged in some fearful imagining based on previous experiences with family. On several occasions as grandparents, we had not met the expectations of our sons and their wives in our interactions with the kids.

To top it off, Mike and I had been home not even two weeks from our last trip, and Mike was slowly recovering from a cold. He was feeling the pressure to complete audio work and assist the choir with a strong voice before we departed. We were both stressing.

That is when God started to work His wonders.

By Sunday morning, He had restored Mike’s voice. The choir at Westminster Pres assisted all of us in praising God with song. Later that afternoon, Mike completed some audio work, and we departed with a thankful heart the next morning.

Starting on day one, I made two constant requests of the Lord: one, that our four grandchildren driving down from Virginia would remain healthy so they could enjoy being with their Florida cousins; and number two, that Mike and I would simply enter into all the activities, relax, and enjoy each moment.

I kept hoping and praying, “What if it’s wonderful?” I also asked two friends to lift us up to the Lord each day.

Family holidays are prime time for spiritual attack and for sin to separate us. During our four days with everyone, I sometimes interpreted facial expressions, imagining that someone was not pleased with me. I know—I can be an insecure mother-in-law! As an only child of older parents, I did not grow up with extended family. I never enjoyed the delight of hanging out, basking in the love of grandparents, cousins, uncles, and aunts.

Guess what? The Lord did provide for a marvelous visit. I bet you’re not surprised. After all, this is God who sets us in families and gives us friends. Why wouldn’t He do something more than we could ask or imagine?

All 12 of us remained healthy.

The sun shone, and we spent a lot of time outside. All six kids benefited from fresh air and playful exertion.

Graham and Shay offered their Airbnb to us and our other son and his family. We all had plenty of space.

Laughter reigned as all 12 of us played multiple group games each day.

A sourdough disaster turned into a learning experience for me, thanks to my daughter-in-law Anne. I had brought some sourdough starter and my Dutch oven to make bread with Vera.

We all connected in one-on-one conversations and gained fresh insights about how others think and what energizes them.

Finally, as a small “kiss” from the Father to Mike, my husband shared cigars and conversation last night out by the Hampton Inn firepit with another guest. This was a first.

Our takeaway? Our minds, when predicting the future, can only draw on past experiences. But God is infinite. My motto remains: What if today is wonderful!

You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told.
 Psalm 40:5 ESV

Can we trust our emotions?

October 2, 2023

Maria Anxiety, Fear, Genesis 4, Mark 9, Satan, Temptation, Worry , 4 Comments

As with any query, such as the one about our feelings, before we try to answer it, we need more information. Questions like ‘Why do you ask?’ come to mind or ‘Trust our emotions for what?’

If it’s wisdom for what to do in a particular situation, that’s one thing. But many Christians have been taught as a general principle NOT to let their feelings ‘drive the bus’, that is, govern or direct their lives.

Listening to a recent podcast interview by Christopher Cook with Dr. Anita Phillips, I became convinced that our emotions or feelings are important signals that represent a need we have. And just as we don’t ignore our bodies when they indicate hunger or thirst, we needn’t be afraid to explore what are probably other needs.

Consider the story of the two brothers, sons of Adam and Eve. God talks to Cain about his offering, the one NOT accepted by God:

Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why is your face gloomy? Genesis 4:6 NASB

If you look up the Hebrew term for angry, you’ll find, ‘to be furious, to burn with anger’.  Cain is not annoyed, he’s blazing mad.

Okay, so if feelings are our body’s way of communicating a need, what did Cain lack?   The clue is in the next verse:

If you do well, will you not be accepted? Genesis 4:7 ESV

God can read Cain like a book and he knows his deepest desire is to be recognized and praised as his younger brother Abel was.  I imagine he felt slighted and neglected. After all, he was the older brother. Shouldn’t he have been singled out for God’s smile?

You might push back, offering another possible scenario such as:  Maybe Cain didn’t know the type of offering that would please God. 

That’s a fair question, but don’t you think if that were the case, he might have reacted with perplexity or even asked God why his offering was rejected?

How his body reacted with fury and a scowl cause me to think he might have planned to get by with a ‘cheaper’ offering.  Maybe his desire was not to please God out of love and gratitude but to just get the praise in the least costly way.  His gloomy face tells me that he knew what God wanted and his over-the-top temper could also be fueled by shame in being found out.

But look at God’s kindness in his response.  Our Father offered him a path to the acceptance he craved. In essence God says, ‘It’s not too late.  If you offer what pleases me, I will look with favor on you and you will feel my pleasure, acceptance and love.’

Cain’s story does not end well.  But it is highly useful to us. This past weekend I have dug around, searching for the truths I could benefit from in his encounter with God. I thank Him for the podcast I listened to on the plane coming back from Europe. That plus this reading have pushed me to ponder some very negative emotions in the last several days. 

Friday, we were at La Guardia airport in NYC on our last leg of a great two weeks in Italy.  We had flown in from Milano the previous day and spent the night in a drenched city still being tossed about by heavy rains.  The following morning there was flooding and yet more rain.  As we sat at the gate, still tired from the trans-Atlantic journey, I fell into worry and fear: ‘What if our flight is cancelled or delayed or we have to spend another night in NYC?’

I had to confess over and over my doubts and pathetic faith.  ‘Forgive me, Father. Lead me not into the temptation to fear!’

The good news is that God DID get us out of NYC in time. And by mid-afternoon we pulled into our driveway in sunny Huntsville. What mercies from our God!

But I was bothered by my reaction. Since then, I’ve spent time journaling and thinking about what these strong emotions were communicating to me. What needs did they indicate?

Clearly, I needed God’s assurance of his presence and provision, no matter the circumstances.  And I now realize that Satan was whispering lies that I took as my own thoughts. ‘What if this or what if that?’ In the midst of this battle, I could not remember the invisible reality that God’s word declares, that he is our refuge amidst the storms.  I did not believe he would provide for us in our weariness.  I did not trust I would have sufficient energy to handle my disappointment as well as Mike’s were ‘the worst’ suggestion from Satan to materialize. And I condemned myself for pathetic faith.

Now, 3 days later, I realize our Father doesn’t condemn us.  He knows we are weak.  The blessing of this experience is that I am now on alert to connect strong negative emotions to needs. No, I’m not allowing my emotions to lead me. But I’m no longer going to stuff them, or bypass them.  I want to use these God-given indicators to go inward, to discover what my body, soul, spirit and mind are communicating.

And I want to recall at all times that we have a compassionate Father. Here’s a new favorite verse I’m going to pull out ‘next time’ I find myself in a dire situation:

if you can do anything (Jesus), have compassion on us and help us. Mark 9:22 ESV

Delilah Sins

February 3, 2022

Maria Ephesians 4, Sin, Temptation , , 1 Comment

Don’t say anything that would hurt [another person]. Instead, speak only what is good so that you can give help wherever it is needed. That way, what you say will help those who hear you. Ephesians 4:29 God’s Word Translation

I’m home again from my trip out to Seattle where I spent 4 nights with my mother-in-law.  I decided to travel sooner than I had planned because she seemed to need some encouragement and company.  A few health setbacks had recently plagued her and she sounded sad and lonely on the phone.

Five days before arriving, I had hurt her during a Zoom call when I brought up a couple of subjects, asking her pointed questions meant to hurt her and make me look superior.   Cousin Terry, who knows my heart only too well, calls it ‘being imperial’. She suggested apologizing to my mother-in-law when I arrived.

Within 20 minutes of being welcomed into her apartment, I did just that. I told Mom how sorry I was for deliberately hurting her.  She apparently hadn’t noticed during that Zoom call, or so she said.  But I pressed the issue so she would know that what I had said was UNKIND and that the Holy Spirit had leaned on me hard in the days that followed.  I confessed how sorry I was for hurting her.  Then I asked her forgiveness.  She responsive hug brought me relief, that sense of being washed clean and separated from my sin.

During the 4 days with her, God gave me several occasions to notice and not to succumb to my decades-old tendency to bring up a topic with the intention of criticizing one of her viewpoints. The prime test came when together we viewed her church’s Sunday service, streamed on You Tube. I knew that several girlfriends (thank you Joyce, Jill, Frances, Cousin Terry and others) as well as Mike were praying for me to cultivate a heart of kindness to source my words.

What startled me was noticing the obvious places, where up until this week, I would have initiated a comment meant to put down something she said and/or to point to how ‘wise’ and knowledgeable I was about the topic. Instead, I kept my mouth shut. 

What I did do, for a change, was to look for something positive I could respond with when she made a comment.  For example, when she praised the young deacon who gave the homily during the service, I simply said: “Yes, he enunciated well (through the mask) and spoke with clarity about the topic.”

I realize now that Mom is not someone who asks me for my opinion or viewpoint.  She’s not curious that way.  I cringe thinking of the countless times I have offered my views, unbidden.

What cemented this lesson in choosing words meant only to bless and help others came from what I read in a book from Joyce, Watchfulness: Recovering a Lost Spiritual Discipline.

In the section I read only three days ago while still in Seattle, the author describes ‘Delilah Sins’.  These are those evil habits that we cherish, that we love to indulge in. It didn’t take me long to articulate my # 1 Delilah Sin, that of provocation.

I have been a ‘provocatrice’ for as long as I can remember. 

I am SO glad that the Lord has finally intervened before it’s too late.  NOW is the time for me to kill this practice. This temptation has for far too long promised a moment of delightful satisfaction….only to leave me UN-satisfied and feeling ‘sour’.

I praise God that for the first time, I actually feel a new desire growing, one where I keep my viewpoints to myself unless asked.  Now, I want to use my words simply to give help and hope.  Looking back over my life, I see clearly that the majority of my words have often been unnecessary and many times meant to make Maria look good, not Christ.  Thank you, Lord, for your gift of new mercies.

Battling to keep walking with the Truth

April 22, 2021

Maria 1 Timothy 6, Psalm 23, Spiritual Warfare, Temptation, Trusting God , , , , , , 2 Comments

Jesus proclaimed: ‘I am ..the Truth’. Aren’t you glad that Truth is a person who takes a very intimate interest in each of us, His brothers and sisters? Without Him, we would never be able to withstand our enemy, that liar who seeks to discourage us by attacking God’s Word.  Our greatest daily, if not hourly, temptation that we must resist is our bent toward doubting God.

In these two reflections, I describe two types of suffering that accompany our difficult calling to believe Jesus.

**

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4 NASB

I have a sweet friend eager to be with Jesus.  Days dark with death exhaust her. Her son’s marriage is dying and she lives with him and his wife.  Another son’s own son is in jail for murdering a man.  Somber and sobering shadows press in on her.

But the darkness is passing. Her Savior, Jesus, the good Shepherd is walking with her through the dying. She doesn’t dwell there.

King David, too, suffered the death of relationships and dreams.  And King Jesus led him back into the light. David never forgot the comforting presence of this Shepherd.  He felt the guiding, bounding presence of rod and staff, until relief came on the other side. Do you suppose he was able to trust His shepherd, having been one himself?

Joy returned including feasting and fellowship when God restored his rule.  Prophetically and with bracing frankness, he proclaimed that as good as temporary relief can be, what awaited him AND us is permanent joy and love forever.

My friend needs to cling to this truth, as do we.

**

Fight the good fight of faith 1 Timothy 6:12 NASB

Mike and I have been rewatching The Lord of the Rings.  So, when I read this chapter today, ‘The Last Battle’ lingered in my mind.

What if you and I woke up daily fully expecting another day of warfare? Isn’t that what Paul is teaching?  Most assuredly, there are many possible conflicts in life, but they are worthless compared to this one.  What is our one major conflict? The fight for our faith.  The ongoing struggle to trust Jesus.

As long as our enemy persists, we must engage in daily war. Satan’s primary objective continues – to cause us to doubt God’s word.

What should Christians expect, then?

In God’s good providence, He plans daily battle training to strengthen us.  Furthermore, we should prepare for enemy skirmishes, probing our resolve.  Occasionally, frontal assaults test us. And some of us will be engaged in a lifetime-long war. Think ‘The Hundred Years War’.

If we go to bed still trusting God, then we can celebrate the victory. Restorative sleep prepares us for another day to fight, divinely equipped.