God’s pleasure in me and my satisfaction in Him

October 4, 2025

Maria God's Attributes, God's goodness, God's pleasure, God's protection, God's Provision, Psalm 37 , , , , , Leave a comment

Delight yourself in the Lord . . . and he will direct your steps, delighting in the details of your life. 

Psalm 37:4 ESV and 5 (My rewording)

These two verses from the same psalm are like a double blessing. I can hardly believe that Scripture declares that God follows, enjoys, and finds pleasure in me as I heed His directing. I can almost picture the Father chortling as He watches my every move, maybe pointing me out to some angels. 

“Just look at my daughter! She’s following my clear guidance. She’s trusting me. She’s doing what we designed her to do and be. How much joy that gives me!”

And what does this psalm promise that I will receive? When I set my heart on enjoying my relationship with God, I am guaranteed satisfaction and protective guidance from the Father. Money can’t buy that! 

The question is HOW to be glad in Him, to find Him satisfying? What comes to mind is to hold God first in my thoughts and first in my daily priorities. Truth is, I set out doing just that early in the morning. But then I get distracted.

Last night I was reading about the 20-20-20 ‘rule’ as some call it. It’s meant to help your body and your vision. Every 20 minutes, rise from your desk or work space and focus your eyes on something outside a window that is about 20 feet away. Hold your gaze for 20 seconds. 

Perhaps I can couple that practice with bringing my thoughts back to the One who is most important in the universe and the source of all goodness.

Copying Paul’s way of praying

March 21, 2024

Maria Desire, Ephesians 1, God's will, Prayer, Psalm 37 , , , , , 1 Comment

I love to read books on prayer, ranging from how to create the desire to pray to how to pray according to God’s will.  Paul Miller’s latest book, A Praying Church, challenges me to grow up and reorient the ways I’ve been praying.

This morning, one of my favorite verses popped up:

Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 NKJV

That word ‘also’ caught my attention. Some translations don’t have it, but no matter, God used it to prompt me to look for the context of verse 4. And it makes sense when reading what precedes and follows. Verses 3 and 5 are part of one exhortation. Think of ‘the delighting/desiring’ verse as the meat and the other two sets of teachings as the bread. 

Looking at the verbs, the top layer directs us to: TRUST in the Lord (believe what he says)….DO good….DWELL where God has us (stay put, in other words).  The bottom piece urges us to: ENTRUST our way to God (or hand over our life). That’s it. The verse terminates not with one more action for us to do, but an assertion that the Lord will take care of whatever we yield or surrender to him.

More than assert, this promise infuses confidence in us.  Just think, the very God of creation will act on all we purposefully place in his hands. From my perspective, these are all the things I can’t make happen. The people I want to fix, the circumstances I long to change, the suffering of friends and family and the world.  

Now that we see the structure, here’s the meat, the part all of us like to cite and hope is true (for it sounds almost TOO good to be real). 

Delight yourself in the Lord (the Hebrew says in essence,spend time being with God and enjoy his company more than anyone else’s) and he will give you the desires of your heart (again the Hebrew reads, he will answer your prayers).

The day before I pondered these three verses, I had read the first line of Charles de Foucault’s most famous prayer.  It stopped me cold in its simplicity and boldness.

Do with me what you will.

Six simple words. Total surrender. What kind of man or woman do you think would have the courage to say that to Jesus? Only someone who has spent so much time with our Savior that the Lord has become his favorite person.

I want God to grow an attitude in me like that of Charles de Foucault. Paul Miller’s book and the Apostle Paul’s writings are guiding me in that direction. I’m gradually learning to pray not just for the current circumstances of life and people to change, but for faith legs to support each person involved. I pray for our roots to grow down deep, drinking in God’s love for us. The former Pharisee Paul prayed this way, as recorded in Ephesians 1: 17-21 (NIV)

 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.  I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strengthhe exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.

A lot of my prayers are still in elementary school mode. Dear God, please make this work out the way I want, for I am trusting you.

It’s time for me to move up to middle school and grow some more.

When God gives what you didn’t even think to ask for

March 7, 2024

Maria Ephesians 3, God's Provision, Psalm 37, Trusting God, Unbelief , , , , , , Leave a comment

Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Ephesians 3:20 NLT

Is there something that you dread? Some big project or task that has fallen to you?  You can’t see how you will accomplish it, given your limitations as well as the time you have? You probably stress, producing anxiety just imagining it.

That was me in the days leading up to my trip back up to Asheville, just 2 weeks after Mom’s death.

I had agreed to help my sister-in-law, Eve, clear out Mom’s apartment after her death. Steve has a full-time job and Mike had work commitments too, staying home with the cats. The deadline for turning over the apartment to management is next week, if the family doesn’t want to pay another month’s rent to this retirement complex.

I had pictured us working almost nonstop 8-9 hours each day.  Given what I imagined, I didn’t know what to do about lunches, since lunch is one of my two daily meals. I didn’t want to eat out and wasn’t sure what I could bring from either my house for the time away or buy locally.

I was also dreading the work involved in sorting out her apartment, since I pictured it as a HUGE task.

Like anything else, I need not have worried.

In my conversations with Jesus before I departed, I felt him suggesting that I do something a bit ‘risky’. He led me to recall Jesus’ disciples who went out 2 by 2 with no food and no extra baggage.  So, for the ‘fun of it’ and curious to see how the Lord would provide, I traveled light, opting to trust him to ‘work it out’. 

Here’s how surprised me. Eve and her husband, Mike’s brother Steve, have started eating meat after being vegan for a long time.  I had known that but didn’t realize how aligned Eve and I are about food, now that she is a meat-eater.  I ended up cooking 3 of our dinners and we went out to dine at a Brazilian steak house where there was a LOT of meat. It was great.

The night before the first work day I asked Eve what time she eats her first meal. We worked it out for the two of us, stopping at the grocery store to buy what we needed each day.  The lunches I fixed myself were perfect. She happily prepared what she wanted as well.  Eve turned out to be pretty chill about food.

But what was even better was that the work load I had imagined as huge was much lighter.  Because of the Lord’s gracious provision of efficient team work plus my SUV whose back seat folds down, Eve and I wrapped up everything by lunch time of the third work day.  We got to rest and chat that afternoon back at their house.

Nor did we work non-stop.

We took plenty of time to chat, getting to know each other’s heart.  She and Steve have been married only 12 years. Before this visit we had never spent 3 days, just the two of us, talking and sharing.

That was the biggest gift to me. She felt it too. We are much closer now.

So, why did I worry? Why do you angst about the future? I know for a fact that you and I have seen the Lord come through time and time again. You’d think we would learn and finally trust him.

Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He will do it. Psalm 37:5 NASB

Your and my unbelief is what keeps us from relying on God at all times.  This sin we must confess each day, asking for his help.  But even though we will continue to indulge in fleshly worry and likely allow ourselves to listen to Satan’s thought-suggestions of lack, we have Jesus’ perfect obedience imputed to us. Jesus trusted the Father always and depended on him for guidance and strength to do the hard things.

May you and I NOT beat ourselves up, but relax in God’s provision and ask for help each moment, not only for the situations themselves but for us to count on him completely. Afterall, he DID create the universe out of nothing.  

Does God ordain our desires?

August 11, 2023

Maria Delight, Desire, God's Sovereignty, Psalm 104, Psalm 37, Satisfaction , , , 4 Comments

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 ESV

This principle in Psalm 37 keeps beckoning me deeper.  I’m fascinated by more possibilities of what God could be offering us.   

I think a lot of Christians are squishy or squeamish when it comes to this promise.  Perhaps they fear treating God as a genie in the bottle. Maybe they think, “If I take this seriously, I might ask the Lord for something he doesn’t want me to have.  Then I’d be disappointed. So, out of fear, they conclude: God must not really be saying what the words seem to indicate.”

But let’s consider starting from the premise that God is a good god and a happy god who loves to give his kids things to make them truly happy. We need not worry about going ‘overboard’ in asking for something inappropriate, for God has placed a condition that precedes the promise. To delight ourselves in him clearly teaches us to find our greatest happiness in the person of the Lord himself, not what he gives.

Once that condition has been met, then we can turn to two possible ways to take God’s invitation regarding desires that remain unfulfilled.

The first approach goes like this: when we find ourselves being exuberantly happy in him, he wants us to share honestly what our heart also desires because he plans to satisfy those longings. The other option is that God himself has all along sovereignly planted those deep yearnings in us, purposing to satisfy them.

And if he gives us desires, for his good purposes, then they reflect his character. They won’t be bolstering or feeding any false identities. They will be part of his long-term Kingdom plans for us and others.

But you might say, “How do I know if I sourced those desires and can trust them to be the ‘good’ kind that God would approve of, or if they truly are in me because He wired me with them?” An easy test of appropriate desires would be to filter them this way:  Do they feed my ego or not?  If God grants them to me, will I be boasting as though they evidence my greatness or will they make me want to tell everyone about the goodness and kindness of my loving Father?

The other morning the Holy Spirit brought this question to mind: “What if what I long for most in my life here on earth 1.0 actually fits his divine plan of Kingdom expansion?”

Maybe you know how much I love languages. Daily I work toward fluency in several more.  I dream of living in an environment (here in the US or elsewhere) where I can use one of these languages, other than English, throughout each day. In my book, engaging in another language is the ‘funnest’ thing I do.

This is how I have settled the issue of Psalm 37:4. I have concluded that he is the creator of my desires. If then God himself gives me desires that he sovereignly plans to satisfy, then I bet he has plans to bless others as a result of what I LOVE doing.

You open Your hand, they (all your created beings) are satisfied with good. Psalm 104:28 NASB

Could the Lord already have mapped out the fulfillment of my longing to be part of his will being done on earth? 

What do you want most in life?

August 4, 2023

Maria 1 Kings 3, Desire, God's will, John 15, Matthew 6, Matthew 7, Psalm 2, Psalm 37, The Lord's Prayer, Words , , 2 Comments

… the LORD appeared to Solomon …. in a dream, and God said, “Ask for whatever you want me to give you………I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart…” 1 Kings 3:5, 12 NIV

Do you have your 15-30 second elevator speech ready?

Aspiring, focused visionaries, whether actors or entrepreneurs, know what they want and prepare themselves to ask without hesitation should the ‘right person’ come along. When they step into an elevator and recognize someone who might facilitate a connection or provide a contact they are ready to make the ask and give their why without shame or stumbling around.

King Solomon similarly prepared himself.  He knew what he lacked, which skill or quality without which he could not rule the people entrusted to him.

This is easy to imagine. For as the newly enthroned king, can’t you just picture the depth and weight of his overwhelm, following in the footsteps of his dad, King David?

We know that God loved Solomon, for he chose THIS son, NOT David’s oldest, to govern his own people.  The Almighty illustrates his tender care by coming to the new ruler in the middle of a night’s anxious tossing and turning.  When the Father asks Solomon what he wants or needs, the young king is ready with his ask. You know that if he is dreaming this encounter, his desire has penetrated the deeps of his heart.  This is no casual afterthought. 

From this conversational dream, I note the power of our words, our pleas for help, underscored by God’s response to Solomon, who requested understanding to govern.  God’s quick response literally is, ‘I do or I bring about or I make happen according to your WORDS.’  What we speak, reflects our core beliefs and our words matter more than we imagine.

What David’s son requested; God granted. Solomon’s ‘spoken’ words in his dream sprang from his heart’s desires.

God teaches us to learn, know, desire, guard and declare what his Word proclaims. As my friend, Mayra, says: ‘our words augment or build up our faith’.  Of course, any unbelieving word we speak, an articulated belief which don’t fit reality (aka: God’s truth), quite naturally diminishes and damage our confidence in God.

Cycling back to my initial question, just what is it that you desire?  God both evaluates and encourages our desires.

Psalm 37:4 Find your delight in the LORD who will give you your heart’s desire. (NAB)

Are you and I ready to tell God what we want?  I am!  Pain has convinced me of that.  I have asked God to heal my body and I am proclaiming to myself and to others that he already has. It is what I most desire right now.

Maybe some of you feel uneasy with this lavish but serious fact about God.  Your counter argument might go, “We can’t just ask God for a Maserati because that is what we desire!” Well, why not?

I believe our Father trusts all of his children who delight in, who LOVE more than anything just to be with him, to listen to him, to hang out with him.  Isn’t that what the text says?  Those who LOVE his presence and company above all else in the world are invited, are encouraged to take him up on his offer.

Jesus taught likewise.  John records the Savior’s promise to the disciples in John 15:7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. (NAB)

‘Remain in Jesus. Delight in God more than in anything or anyone.’ I don’t see any contradiction between loving God with my whole heart so that I want to be near him throughout the day and night AND still desiring other, lesser things.

Taking God simply at this word, I’ve asked and I’m daily asking Jesus for healing. And that’s just the top of my list of desires.

But what if my desires are not in God’s will? I would counsel, get some practice praying for what God’s word DOES tell us we are to ask. ‘Pray like this:  …..Holy be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done. Matthew 6:9  Ask of me and I will give….Psalm 2:8. ‘Ask, and you shall receive.  Matthew 7:7.’   

Dallas Willard addresses our fear of being TOO out there with our longings by sharing an illustration of why God trusts us, giving us liberty to ask what we want.

“When our children were small, they were often completely in my will as they played in the back garden, though I had not told them to do the particular things they were doing. They would still have been within my will even if they were playing in their rooms or having a snack in the kitchen.” (page 27, Hearing God through the Year)

Where were his kids at this time? They were abiding in their father’s house, with him. He was within an ear’s range.  They could do what they wanted; all the while attentive to Dad’s call. But I bet my last bite of avocado that if their father had called to them to come share a board game or to play hide-and-seek or fight imaginary dragons they would have come running.  Time with Dad was what they most delighted in.

So, I ask you, what do you want?  Give me an idea of at least ONE thing.

If it’s going to be, is it up to me?

February 9, 2023

Maria Prayer, Psalm 37, Trusting God, Uncategorized 1 Comment

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in Him, and He will do it. Psalm 37:5 Berean Study Bible

Immersed and imprisoned in the dark grip of binging and purging, I could not conceive of how God could free me.  Afterall, I was the one shoveling cookies or M&Ms into my mouth. No one else was causing this addictive behavior but me.

But God DID rescue me. He DID bring me up out of the pit of despair and I didn’t have to DO a thing. He simply gave me a more compelling desire, that of treating my body better when I found out that I was pregnant with our first child.

Fast forward decades.  This same living God who never changes has periodically directed my way of thinking, lifting me out of my no-exit vision and set me down in a more spacious place with broader vistas.

For the last year, I have ‘needed’ more pocket money than our budget allows. In August, I started praying, waiting for God to direct me. But after a month of no answer, I took things back into my own hands and took on a Friday substitute teaching gig. Yes, the extra money was what I wanted. But it lost me a day. For I had to block off one day a week to be ‘on call’. 

After 3 months, I realized that I had traded time for money.   I realized that I wanted my day back. The dilemma then became:

‘How can I make that extra pocket money without tying up my Fridays?’

I have churned over this for about 2 months, seeing ‘no exit’.

But last week God used a conversation, some podcasts, and time alone with him to lift me up out of this dilemma.  First, our son Graham mentioned in passing that at age 40 he works out hard twice a week.  When he shared that data from a recent medical exam brought him evidence that he is indeed uncharacteristically healthy, that gave me pause.

Next the Lord arranged for me to hear on a podcast that the most important factor in our physical health is the quality of our relationships.  Do we have friends and family members with whom we feel safe enough to be real? Can we express our feelings without condemnation?  

Since for years I have been exercising hard three or more times a week in order to stay healthy, Graham’s revelation coupled with the podcast point struck a chord. Logical reasoning gently led me to the possibility that if I cut back the number of exercise classes I take and pay for in a month, I would have the money I want without having to work on Fridays.

To reenforce that line of thought so I could see that God was behind my ‘metanoia’, my current theological reading has been preparing me to consider intentionally setting aside space in my week to be quiet, to listen to what the Holy Spirit wants to communicate.  All of a sudden, I felt a new energy, a growing desire to gently walk and be quiet, open to God.  This is what Graham does.  Twice a week he goes to the gym and twice a week he walks for 2 hours in the morning, listening to God.

Dilemma solved and direction shifted!

Now I come to a current need and issue.  This morning I gave it to God to handle.  What is this situation and how do I see it?  We live far from our two sons and their families.  I want to see them more.  I want to stay connected. I want to build rapport with our grandchildren. But I don’t know how.  Encouraged by the ‘time and money’ issue, I am excited to see what God is going to do.

As I ended this morning’s time with the Lord, I turned to a new page in my journal and rewrote Psalm 37:5, personalizing it by using other English translations of the Hebrew words.

Maria, roll off of yourself, unburden yourself from these cares/issues/problems/worries. Disengage from them and roll them away and ONTO the Lord.

Hand over your customary way of life and thinking, placing your confidence in Him. That way you can live care-FREE, feeling completely safe.

And HE shall attend to, HE shall put all those things you’ve given him in order. Psalm 37:5 Maria’s translation.

What a promise, what a savior!

Spiritual fruit takes a while to show itself

October 28, 2021

Maria Conviction, Encouragement, Faith, Psalm 37, Sanctification, Spiritual Fruit , Leave a comment

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 ESV

I’ve been asking God for a long time to change my heart when it comes to how I view time.  I know full well that it’s an illusion to think of time as ‘mine’. As a Christian, I don’t actually own anything, whether material possessions, talents, the body I inhabit or the hours in a day.  I’ve known that in my head, but I don’t seem to have power over that kind of internal change.  And since God’s word teaches us that he, God, is the one who gives us desires, it seems logical to me to ask him to change my heart.

So, when I noticed a less selfish heart response one day this week, I felt encouraged.  “He’s really doing it; he’s changing my heart!”  But it wasn’t 6 hours later that my cheery demeanor evaporated.  This was the proverbial 2 steps forward – one step back, for the Lord humbled me, showing me how much holy spirit heart surgery remains to be done.

Last week I read the book by James Clear, Atomic Habits.  In an early chapter Clear described how the Chinese bamboo tree grows.  Apparently, if you plant a seed for this species of bamboo, you won’t see any green shoots for about 5 years.  No, your seed hasn’t died.  Growth has been happening steadily, but underground with the solitary focus of developing a foundational root system. It takes years to create a sufficient and extensive root network strong enough to support bamboo stalks that can tower 90 feet and higher.

Here’s what’s fascinating about this kind of bamboo tree.  One day, with no warning and after about five years of invisible but real growth below the surface, a shoot will abruptly appear and shoot up 3 feet in 24 hours!  By the end of a month, your Chinese Bamboo Tree towers 90 feet. Whoa!

Do you see why this plant example might illustrate how our faith grows? Jesus, himself, used the example of a large mustard. I don’t know how long it takes the tiny mustard seed to emerge, but a big tree will need strong and deep roots. 

You might know someone who has heard and received the gospel truth of what Jesus Christ did to save and redeem sinners. But you might not see any ‘fruit’, that evidence of a changed life.  Take heart, if your friend has been sitting under good teaching and/or reading his Bible, the roots have been growing. We humans simply tend to be impatient.  In many endeavors, when we don’t see the results we expect, we easily give up, resignedly concluding, “That didn’t work….I’m no good at…..he’ll never change!”  When all along, we didn’t exercise patience.

Back to my ‘growth’ in heart. The good news this week was when my volunteer shift at the local crisis pregnancy center went almost an hour longer than normal, I found myself unexpectedly NOT impatient.  I had no thought of, “It’s past lunch time, I won’t have enough time to do….” I simply felt pleasure in spending time with this late-to-walk-in gal who needed pregnancy and spiritual counseling.

I high-fived God on the way home.  The afternoon passed quickly with barely 30 minutes for lunch.  We had no food in the house since we had arrived home the previous night from a week out of town.  By the time I put away the groceries, it was practically time to start dinner prep. I started to feel sorry for myself.

When Mike passed through the kitchen, I remarked, “I’m almost finished with all the grocery sorting and storing and I’ve only had a short break all day!”  He remarked, “Are you feeling resentful?”  I wanted to deny that, but explained, “Well….maybe a little, because I’ve been so busy.”  When he explained he picked up on my tone, my pride was hurt.  I HAD been telling God it was not right to feel sorry for myself. After all, I had enjoyed ample time on our trip….but that was my head talking and not my heart.

After asking my husband to pray for my heart, I settled into the realization that God both encouraged me and gently scolded me, all in one day.  He’s still at work on my root system! More growth needed.

The Spirit’s recent drumbeat – Truth & Trust

December 28, 2020

Maria Matthew 6, Philippians 1, Psalm 16, Psalm 37, Trusting God, Truth , Leave a comment

Mike and I have almost reached the end of this year’s journey through the Bible.  Recently it feels as though the Spirit has been exhorting me to embrace ‘Trust and Truth’ toward the close of this year, 2020. Here are two of my daily ‘devotional bites’ that I’ve recently written.

I’m having fun with this self-assigned challenge to put clearly into creative, yet succinct words what Lord is teaching me through His word and daily experiences. We CAN hear from the Living Son, Jesus, through His spirit.

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 ESV

…. he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion … Phil 1:6 ESV

Speaking Spanish the other day felt like ‘pulling teeth’.  Tere listened distractedly. Was my straining for words wearing on her? It can be painful when someone is communicating haltingly in another language.

Listening that night, Mike strongly countered my conclusion. Surprised, but grateful, I realized I hadn’t shared this discouragement with Jesus.

The next morning unloading ALL my feelings on paper, I asked Him: ‘What do you think about this? What should I do?’

Silence.

So, I moved on to the day’s Bible reading, knowing He would respond in some way. Sure enough, the Holy Spirit brought the Psalmist’s above exhortation to mind, reminding me that all good desires are God-given. I didn’t seek out Spanish.  God planted that seed in me and birthed a new passion.

And Phil 1:6 seems a logical and reassuring conclusion, don’t you think?

***

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. Psalm 16:5 ESV

If you study people, you can spot what they treasure. Our unrehearsed, spontaneous words provide evidence. How we spend time and money also signal the truth.

The Bible teaches that God has deliberately picked out each of our permanent riches, that is our inheritances. Down to the last detail, such as its purse or container (cup), our Father keeps all safe until the right time.

Observing me, what would you conclude is MY treasure, what I value most? I spend a lot of time taking care of my temporary body: food prep, exercise, medical care, sleep, hair and nail appointments, clothing.  Not to mention time spent on maintaining our interim house!

My prayers tend more to the temporary as well. I am learning, though, to plead more spiritual transformation that short-term needs indicate.

But hearts don’t lie.

Jesus, help me to remember and apply your teaching:  Your heart will always be where your treasure is. Matthew 6:21 CEV

How God changes people

January 20, 2018

Maria Addictions, Anxiety, Colossians, Desire, Food, Habits, Husbands, Idols, Psalm 37, Romans 5, Sovereignty of God, Struggles, Trusting God , , , , , , Leave a comment

For 9 years I struggled with bulimia; 6 years before I married Mike, followed by 3 more years.  A favorite activity of ours as young lieutenants stationed in Germany was to explore the German countryside by means of a nearby ‘Volksmarch’.  These organized 3-4 hour walks through villages and wooded beauty gave us time to talk.  I would ask Mike each week while we traipsed, “What am I going to do?  How can I manage or handle this scourge of bulimia!!?”   Poor guy!  My supportive and loving husband probably felt frustrated as he offered his comfort and solutions time and time again.

In my mind, it was all up to me to find a solution AND the motivation to implement it.  The problem was, I couldn’t trust myself to follow through, no matter how sincere my intentions were.

We were new Christians and I prayed my heart out, week in and week out.  But God didn’t give me a way to free myself from this addiction to food.  Instead, he removed the burden himself, in a creative way.  I got pregnant.

With that dramatic change in circumstances, I had a new, compelling interest and desire.   Caring for this baby growing inside of me replaced the desire to binge and purge.  Up until now, I hadn’t felt enough self-love to take care of my body. But now, for the sake of this new life growing inside of me, I WANTED to nurture myself with good foods and healthy practices.

The 7 1/2 conscious months of carrying another human being turned out to be what I needed to break the binge and purge cycle.  God be praised!

God CAN and DOES change people and we know that.  If you are a Christian, there was a time when you weren’t. Maybe you can’t remember that period if you have loved Jesus from an early age.  But many of us do recall feeling either indifferent or luke-warm about God.  And then something happened.  All of a sudden we were interested in reading our Bibles.  The things of God drew us in.  We might have attributed that newfound growing fascination as something we did. But we would be incorrect. Dead men don’t make decisions!

Paul writes to the believers in Colosse: When you were dead in your trespasses and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. (Col 2:13)

That means that any interest, any LOVE for Jesus comes from outside of us.  As Paul so bluntly argues in his letter to the Romans – ……God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Rom 5:5b)

Mike, too, has experienced this ‘from the outside to the inside change of heart’ regarding cars.  After those couple of years stationed in Germany, the land of VERY fast and powerful automobiles, Mike returned stateside with a growing, almost insatiable love for cars.  About 15 years ago Mike started noticing the decreasing pull of all things automotive.  During the span of 37+ years of marriage, we have bought, owned and sold 28 cars, not counting motorcycles.

But God!  Yes, God removed the interest, the mania, the seemingly insatiable desire for new wheels.  Mike didn’t set out to change.  In fact, he didn’t think he needed to change.  God has been working on Mike’s heart and shifting his values.

When we married at 22 (we’re now 60), we were not even believers.  Over the years, what has emerged as our favorite time of the day is something we would never have imagined in the first 25 years together.  The dinner-prep time, those 90 minutes when we’re in the kitchen fixing dinner and tomorrow’s breakfasts and lunches, we talk and listen to music.  Before we sit down to dine, we each get out our notebooks where we’ve observed and written down what we noticed in the day’s Scripture reading.  Inevitably Mike will have picked up something that passed me by and vice versa.  This in-depth exchange deepens our love and appreciation for God’s holiness and his Word. In our twenties and thirties, talking about God held no place in our daily exchanges.  God has planted and cultivated this now-cherished habit.

Last year I witnessed two other new desires that ‘came up out of nowhere’. (I’ve written previously about ‘dining with my school colleagues’ and ‘wanting to continue teaching and working on my craft of helping students with Second Language Acquisition’). What I love about God is how he surprises and delights me.   Maybe that’s what my family should etch on my tombstone, “Surprised by God!”

Recently, God did it again.  The change caught me unaware.  But this time, I connected it to a pattern.  (Why had no one comforted me with the FACT that change IS possible in God’s kingdom and that it is not all up to us!?)

Here’s what happened.  As I described above God rescued me from bulimia in my mid-twenties. Although the binge-purge pattern no longer ran my life, my obsession with eating and how I looked and felt about my body still plagued me.  The scales have been a powerful idol for decades.  Gradually God has weaned me mostly away from them.  But I still don’t trust myself to stick to any resolutions.

But God!  Yes, he has changed my desire.  Visiting with Shay and Graham over Christmas prompted an unexpected change.  They have been following a plant-based way of eating for 2 years.  Whereas I have always enjoyed the occasional vegetarian meal I considered it extreme to avoid all meat and dairy.  I like meat and dairy.  But watching the documentary Forks over Knives changed me.  I happened to ask Shay a question about the smoothie she was preparing.  It was Christmas Eve and we had a block of time before heading to church.  She asked me if I wanted to see for myself what caused them to switch.  I did and I was convinced.  Plant-based eating IS healthier and CAN minimize one’s risk for disease.  For me, it was a ‘no-brainer’.

And with that, I switched.  Mike, a very good-hearted, generous and supportive husband, agreed to drop his morning yogurt and share a smoothie with me. My lunches, breakfasts, and snacks are plant-based. And I agreed to prepare an ‘every-other-night’ entré of meat.    After all, Graham and Shay have adopted a ‘reasonable’ 80 %-of-the-time- vegan lifestyle.  This allows for eating what is served them by friends, or the occasional desire to sample something not plant-based.

A few weeks into this way of life, I recognized that I no longer care what the scale says.  What I value is eating healthy.  Surprise!  When we drove down to Tampa for Christmas, this new world of plant-based cooking was not on the radar.

So here is the principle.  Don’t angst about a change you can’t seem to make for the better.  Give it to God to bring about:

  • in his perfect way
  • in his perfect timing
  • to his glory and your blessing

Psalm 37:4  Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

PS:  I think the desires the Psalmist had in mind are not what WE think we want, but rather what God wants for us as his beloved children!

 

 

One anothering – don’t stop

June 4, 2017

Maria Food, Habits, Hebrews 4, Psalm 37, Sin, Trusting God, Truth , , , , , , 2 Comments

Christian friends are invaluable.  We encourage one another by listening well. We pray for each other.  We redirect sisters and brothers back to God.  We focus on firm Truth in light of scary, wobbly circumstances. We offer our presence, sometimes just simple shoulder rubs and tissues.

And we never know what will help. But we stumble ahead and give what we have. Because God is in the business of using us to comfort others.

The other day, I was still mucking around in my latest pit-version of a long-term struggle with sin. Midday, Mike threw me what turned out to be a lifeline. He emailed Psalm 37 to me at work. At least once a week he shares a reading from his daily devotional.  Nice. Familiar.  Comforting.  Insightful as to what strikes him.  But THIS TIME what he forwarded seismically changed my thinking.  As RC Sproul says, ‘Ideas have consequences.’

God used one verse, a promise, to lift me out of the mud and set me on high ground.  I was stunned by this concrete, tangible proof that…….

……the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Hebrews 4:12

God’s pledge, known and divinely written by David in Psalm 37:5 launched me into new space – a kind of freedom.  Here is how God’s promise goes:  Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him and He will do it!

Immediately I saw my sin AND the path to rescue and freedom!

For years, I have struggled with ‘how to eat’ so as to ‘feel good about my body’.  The battle came from wanting to eat as much as I want, without limits, AND wanting to feel happy in my body. Nine years of bulimia, stopped by God’s mercy due to my first pregnancy, preceded the past 35 years of overeating and agonizing.  I have learned to control, sort of, my ‘habit’ of the overeating. Yet I still obsess.

For 37 years Mike has walked with me in this struggle.  Recently his God-inspired wisdom jolted me in a healthy way.  First came his observation that perhaps God has ordained this ‘design flaw’ or THORN in the flesh to be His means to draw me to Him. New thought!

Gently he pointed out that I’ve been asking God for a way to manage or control my sin. He offered that maybe God in His goodness has NOT given me a manageable way to eat or exercise.

All along I have labeled the OVEReating as ‘THE SIN’.  I never considered that my desire to CONTROL could perhaps be sinful.

Further light opened my cage door wider.  Paraphrasing 17th century English pastor William Gurnall: When you pray to God, add a vow.  But make sure there is no hidden sin in your heart. Gurnall then cited one of David’s prayers to the effect, ‘God, grant me _________, so that I may praise you.’

Stunned into pondering how I might EVEN word a prayer request to God about this eating/control issue, I realized that any petition would basically be asking God to give me a way to control my sin.  Furthermore, the idea of adding a VOW stopped me cold.  I saw clearly for the first time that there was nothing holy in my request.

Into that void, Mike’s email sharing Psalm 37 arrived.  Again verse 5 brought light that gave me power-filled hope, what I call ‘crunchy’ or substantial.

Commit your way to the LORD

Trust also in Him 

and He will act

What I saw for the first time was this:

  • I’m to give this ENTIRE thing to Him, the triune God.  It’s not my problem or issue.
  • I’m to place all my confidence in Him, not me
  • And most importantly, HE is the one who will act

Could things be any clearer?  All along I’ve been wanting to control this problem so I could feel good about myself.  But seeing that there was nothing praise-worthy in God answering my prayer the way I have so desperately sought startled me.

Do I know what to do?  Not if I mean, do I have a new plan.

But do I know the purpose of food and the body?

Yes!  Food is to fuel my body and to enjoy.  The body I inhabit temporarily is so I can serve others and God.  The end or purpose of all I do is to glorify God.  Beyond that, I don’t need to go.

I’m still chewing on the simplicity and the power in this promise.  It FEELS to good to be true – simply to hand over a burden and trust God to act.  But I do feel free!

Conclusion?  Don’t stop offering God’s Word to others.  You don’t know ahead of time what God will use to heal someone.

 

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