Shameful thoughts

September 15, 2025

Maria 2 Corinthians 4, Conviction, Holiness, Holy Spirit, Sin , , , , , 1 Comment

We reject all shameful deeds. . . 2 Corinthians 4:2 NLT

Do you occasionally find the Lord bringing a matter to your attention all at once, but from different sources? It’s been a few weeks since that last happened to me, but this morning God seemed eager to get my attention. He did that by elevating the issue of my holiness, or lack thereof. 

Over the last few weeks, Mike has been sharing what he is reading for his book study group at church.  The men are going through JC Ryle’s Holiness.  Then yesterday, the Lord emphasized the matter of my holiness through our new Sunday school class called, Respectable Sins which is based on a Jerry Bridges book. Some of the behaviors our class facilitator mentioned are anything but respectable.  They include discontentment, anxiety, grumpiness, anger and a whole host of others.

Then this morning, reading Oswald Chambers, the Father personally pinged me through the verse above together with what this British pastor wrote in My Utmost for His Highest.

“Is there a thought in your heart about anyone that you would not like to be brought into the light?”

Golly, several came to mind. Just being around my church family the day before provided some opportunities for judgmental thoughts I would not want aired. Finally later this morning, leaving Walmart, I spotted a gal, obviously an Instacart provider, who was loading her car with six different containers. My first thought was: “Look at how obese she is!  She’s wearing pajama bottoms with an obvious roll of fat hanging over.” 

I’d want to disappear if she heard my impression and turned to stare with shock and hurt as I walked to my car.

But thanks be to God! Because I had been mulling over the need to rid myself of shameful thoughts, the Holy Spirit supplied a lovely truth as a substitute. “This gal is an image bearer of the living God. Look at how she is blessing people by doing their grocery shopping for them. They are going to be so grateful.”

I can see that ridding myself of shameful thoughts will require me to pay close attention. But I’m not worried. I can count on the Spirit to remind me each time now. I just pray that I start making the switch to THINKING something true, beautiful and good about each person I encounter. 

How God helps us in our marriages

June 16, 2025

Maria Colossians, Holy Spirit, Malachi 2, Marriage , , Leave a comment

Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.

 Malachi 2:15 ESV

I never noticed this before until our Sunday School teacher read from the Malachi the other week.  The prophet records God’s reminder to the Hebrews that when He instituted marriage for all of creation, each married couple received some of His Spirit as a gift. 

If couples throughout all time have been endowed with divine presence in the form of some of His spirit, think how much more help we have, as Christians!

For example, when Mike and I were married, we were faithful church attenders, but not yet Christians.  Although we thought we were,. Afterall, we believed in God, we acknowledged that Jesus was the Savior and we had been baptized. Those around us in our denomination at the time would have said that was enough ‘to qualify’.   But once we saw our sin and turned from it for the first time, understanding its seriousness, we gratefully grasped Jesus’ offer of salvation. With awe.

Now, with the Holy Spirit permanently abiding in us, we have His permanent help for our marriage. As Paul writes to the Colossians, Christ in me, the assurance of Glory.   Jesus through His Spirit is never going to depart from Mike nor from me. That makes a significant difference in marriage. 

Yes, Satan and his foul spirits are set on destroying all marriage, but we needn’t worry. We just need to recall God’s good gift to help us strengthen our union with each other. 

I’m going to start praying for married Christian family and friends specifically for them to remember that they have the greatest resource to help them in their conflicts and suffering. They and we are not alone in this life. 

And for couples for whom God’s plan includes children, Malachi affirms God’s commitment to help them raise godly sons and daughters.  If God is FOR us in our marriages and families, then we have nothing to fear. 

As close as your next breath

June 2, 2025

Maria Eternal Life, Holy Spirit, John 20, Life, Luke 11 , , Leave a comment

Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, even so I am sending you.” And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.” John 20: 21-22 ESV

I’m always thinking of and searching for a way to open a discussion about Jesus.  Each Tuesday, I have the opportunity to talk about Him with the clients I serve at our local Christian pregnancy center here in Huntsville. A lot of the gals I meet think that being a Christian is only about going to church. So, I try to find an approach that bypasses the church question. 

Reading in John what Jesus gave the disciples after His resurrection, I thought of a more pointed entry into a conversation about the Gospel. Maybe I could ask, “Do you have the Holy Spirit living in you permanently?” Of course, I’d have to explain what that meant.  But maybe they would be more curious than otherwise. 

God’s breath is something I think about every morning when I sit down with my Bible. I tell Him out loud that I know He as God is sovereign over every single thing that exists. Likewise, I acknowledge that He provides each of my breaths. He has my life in His hands. 

At night when I climb into bed, I think about each of those  breaths as I follow a series of three or four deep inhales, hold and slow exhales. As near as they are to me, being in my mouth, also think of God’s Spirit. I press my arms next to my body and say, “Thank You, Jesus, that Your Spirit is in me.  I have all that I need.  You will never leave me. You move with me continuously wherever I go. I am never alone or without resources.  Truly, I lack nothing.”

This morning, I saw some good news in Luke 11 that I might be able to share with one of my Tuesday clients.  Jesus, talking to His followers concludes an exhortation to keep praying and never give up: “So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.” Luke 11:13 NLT

God’s granting of each breath and His Spirit are interconnected.  Receiving these good gifts is just a matter of asking and believing, for declares that He will honor that request.

Actual strength that changes life

August 23, 2024

Maria God's Peace, Holy Spirit, Judges 7, Psalm 23, Spiritual Warfare , , , , 2 Comments

Psalm 23:3 He restores my soul (NIV)……He revives my life (ISV)…He renews my strength (NLT)….He refreshes my soul (LSV)

I was on the elliptical cardio machine at Orange Theory Fitness this morning.  I never ‘feel’ energetic when I hop on.  But after 5-6 minutes, strength seems to arrive.  I don’t actually feel it, but I notice that I can go faster and steeper than when I started.  This has gotten me thinking about the strength that God infuses into our souls.

Last week, when I felt attacked by obsessive, unrelenting thoughts for a good 24 hours, it didn’t occur to me that spiritual forces of darkness were behind this.  But when Mike prayed for me, immediately followed by my reading pastor Scotty Smith’s words about spiritual warfare, the attack melted away.

That quick insight or clarity, something I already knew but Satan had blinded for a spell, changed my mood entirely.

Just as going to the gym and eating good quality protein provide energy and strength, God’s truth sources our power. But it’s not something we feel come into us or reside inside of us. In the spiritual realm, the Holy Spirit enables us to live out of a different perspective, God’s knowledge of reality.

This week I’m reading through Judges.  In chapter 7, Gideon has been prompted to free his people from the Midianites.  Knowing that this young man doesn’t FEEL capable, God goes out of his way to meet Gideon in his fear and weakness:

That night the LORD said to Gideon, “Get up and go down against the camp, for I have delivered it into your hand. But, if you are afraid to do so, then go down to the camp with your servant Purah and listen to what they are saying. Then your hands will be strengthened to attack the camp.” So, he went with Purah his servant to the outposts where armed men were guarding the camp. Judges 7:10-11 Berean Standard Bible

What made a difference to Gideon? An unimaginable conversation, a bit of new information transformed the outlook of this ‘least of the least’.  Now he was mentally and emotionally prepared to trust God and follow his plan, however strange it sounded.

What our mind believes affects our strength.  And God’s word delivered by his Spirit is transformative. 

Just before his departure heavenward the resurrected Jesus told his followers: But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. Acts 1:8 NLT

We all know about Peter’s courage and the effect of his bold preaching after the Spirit visited them. I think Peter and the rest believed Jesus with a new assurance of the truth. It was holy-spirit-infused new information. Not the news alone, not the Holy Spirit without any content.  Both together.

If you are a born-from-above believer, then you too have the Holy Spirit in you. And he is able to transform truth into power that you don’t physically feel. But believing you can do what God says is enough.

The parallels between working out, eating healthy and God’s amazing news of reality fascinate me in how they transform ‘mere’ words or energy expenditure or food intake into a powerful force that I can’t actually FEEL.  But I see the results, the outcome.   

So it was with my immediate change in mood and outlook last week. That incident renewed my trust in the Lord.  If he can act THAT fast in such a significant way, dispatching the obsessively fearful and negative thoughts, then I want to take him at his word ALL the time.

Act as if…..

May 23, 2024

Maria Colossians 3, Covenants, Faith, Holy Spirit, Kingdom of God, Psalm 23, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Practice, Truth , , , , , , 1 Comment

“Assume a virtue, if you have it not.”  Hamlet to his mother

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12 NIV

Cousin Terry recommended a book written by Malcolm Smith entitled, The Power of the Blood Covenant. Yesterday morning I read from the chapter about walking in the Spirit.  The author’s premise (which tracks with the Bible) is that if we have the Spirit of Christ in us, then we are entitled to and have free access to ALL the covenant promises, rights and responsibilities that Jesus won for us.

How does that work?  I’m so thankful for the Gospel of John. In so many places, Jesus mentions that he himself is IN us and that we live IN him. Furthermore, he explains that he and the Father are one. The problem is that we don’t feel as though any of this is true.

I don’t sense the Spirit of God in me. I don’t see God’s wisdom, strength, power, peace, love, joy in me. But the Bible asserts that these are indeed mine to use since the Holy Spirit, the helper, lives in me.

As I was pondering our position vis-à-vis God and all the benefits that we are not to forget, I pictured a medieval walled city.  Imagine with me the lord or king of this city-state going out alone to make a peace treaty with a stronger and good monarch.  Our leader, our representative meets all the treaty stipulations. He accomplishes all the seemingly impossible feats of courage and self-control that are necessary to accomplish this ruler’s unheard-of standards. He does what none of us, his people, would dare or could do. 

Why not one of us?  The truth is, no one is worthy, nor are we equipped. Neither are we in a representative role to do our fellow citizens any good. But he is.

After signing the treaty agreement with his blood, he rides back victoriously with the good news.  We now belong to the most kind and powerful ruler in all creation and have been granted the privileges of his kingdom. Our life, our status has changed forever. It is a done deal. And we didn’t have to do anything. We just have to believe and stay in the Kingdom.

Immediately we notice a new flag has been hoisted and we are issued new clothes in different colors from the drab rags we wore.  With gratitude we dress ourselves in the same clothes as our new Over-Lord. As we are taught about all the changes to our status and the freedom from fear we have been given, we also learn a curious fact about our own city-state king. Even though officially co-equal with the Over-King, he submits to him.

Next we receive instruction and homework about how to act, how to treat others. We are to watch our own king and learn from him how citizens in this new government are expected to conduct themselves. Love, kindness, charity, forgiveness, humility are the new attributes we are to live into.

As we dress ourselves in our new clothes, we see different kinds of provisions being stockpiled for each individual citizen. We no longer have to worry about being defenseless against the many foes who come up against us. We are free to use new weapons to resist the enemy.

But we don’t feel different than we had the previous day, before our status changed.

This is a faint but inadequate picture of our position as those who belong to Christ.  We have been given ALL the gifts of the Kingdom of Heaven. Right now.  Along with the expectations of how to operate.

But if we don’t dress ourselves with the clothes of the Kingdom, we are in effect living as though we were mere mortals.

How do I see Mike and me working this out in our daily lives?  Mike has often commented to me, “Maria, what if we lived as if we really believed Jesus, if we really took him at his word?”

We often exchange a few ideas, yet end there with a sigh and : “Wouldn’t that be nice!”

Yesterday and today, I’ve been talking to myself, reminding myself: “Maria, you DO have Jesus’ peace, love, power, joy, wisdom, righteousness, self-control, and mind IN you. Don’t forget!  And you have all the gifts and resources that Jesus procured for you!  You don’t have to work for them, just enjoy them.”

Yes, life is hard and scary.  But I’ve gotten so good at ‘practicing the presence of being alone and dependent on myself’, that when I use my imagination poorly to contemplate a situation, I always reason without God and all his benefits. This time, I want to really live out ‘practicing the presence of God’.

The last paragraph I read this morning from Malcolm Smith’s book quoted Psalm 23:4: ….I will fear no evil, for you are with me. That’s a good place to start. For fear is Satan’s favorite and effective tool.

I’m reminding myself, that even though I will fail and forget today’s resove, this is a daily, an hourly decision that I can come back to at any time.

Does that sound doable to you? If you have the Spirit of Christ in you, then FOR SURE all his covenant-won promises and privileges are yours.  God doesn’t lie. How about trying again, with me, acting as if all were true, taking God at his word, trusting him! That is called authentic faith.  

And if we slip back into old habits, acting as if we have to face evil times and hard circumstances alone? Then we repent.

We shift our thoughts back to what is objectively true, whether we subjectively feel like it’s for real or not.  

From Helicopter Parent to Helicopter Wife

May 2, 2024

Maria Answers to Prayer, Holy Spirit, Marriage, Parenting, Prayer, Proverbs 3 , , , , , , Leave a comment

From Helicopter Parent to Helicopter Wife

Yes, I admit, I was one of those moms.  Even before the term grew into a household word, I would try to remove difficulties from my boys’ lives. If I’m honest, I was more motivated to make their lives easier for my sake. I don’t like people around me to be unhappy. 

That’s pretty naïve, given that in this life, we are guaranteed afflictions. Unfortunately, I grew up with a father who modeled trying to keep everyone happy. Peace at any cost.

For most of our sons’ growing up years, I was not yet a biblical Christian. Nor had I even heard of the caterpillar-cocoon-butterfly analogy. We’ve all probably heard the story of how someone with good intentions trying to ease the struggle of the emerging butterfly actually doomed this beautiful creature to an early death by helping her to emerge from her cocoon.

One time when our oldest son was in 8th grade, he felt his English teacher wasn’t treating him fairly. We called for a meeting with the teacher so Graham could air his grievances. In hindsight we should have encouraged him first to seek a solution himself with the man.

To my shame, I even had my husband write one of Graham’s college professors his freshman year when he earned a C that first fall semester.

This same tendency to want to ‘magic away’ our sons’ problems wasn’t confined to just them. Rather, I have brought that pattern into my marriage.

For years, just because I desired a ‘happy husband’, I’ve tried to fix things for my husband without him asking for my assistance. This is called ‘mothering’ as I recently read.  Mothering one’s children is appropriate (though not in those ways I tried to shield Graham and Wes from good growth opportunities).  However, treating an adult man (and especially my husband) that way is demeaning and dishonoring.

I’m learning now how I’ve made an idol of a ‘pleasant life’.  I’ve been slow to realize that people’s feelings are their responsibility and that upsets and problems can’t be avoided. On the contrary, difficulties provide opportunities for us to grow. Healthy families support one another during trials, offering empathetic love.

In addition, Christian parents and spouses have been given the gift of calling upon Jesus on behalf of the families.  I’m beginning to learn how when we have to struggle with the Lord’s help through a situation, we learn something more about God.  So, why would I want to stand in the way of that kind of blessing for family or friends?

Back to our kids, I do see that despite trying inappropriately to spare Graham from the reality of a mediocre college grade, God guided us to allow him to work alone through a crisis with the Lord.  After that first semester of college, Graham felt dissatisfied with James Madison University and the traditional college track. We allowed him to apply over Christmas to Berklee College of Music. The problem arose when he got accepted and he had to make the decision what to do, whether to stay at JMU after this first year or move to Boston.

As he had been growing as a Christian, we let him struggle with God and pray through the decision.  Wrestle he did, going back and forth in whether he should stay or go for about a month.  One morning, all of a sudden, as he explains it, he awoke feeling he should stay at JMU and not leave. He let that decision sit and as it persisted into the next day and beyond days, he realized that the Lord had indeed led him to an answer. And all through prayer.

Looking back, I see the benefit of treating him as an adult and allowing him to work it out with God. Seeing the Lord actually guide him in a decision about real life, a crisis, changed his faith from theoretical to real.

I know he would say that this was the right decision because once he decided to stay, he threw himself into college life. He formed a band with two friends and met Shay, his wife of 17 ½ years.

Recently, Jesus has been pointing me to how I have perhaps NOT been as good a wife to my husband as I should. For my own sake, I have attempted to create, reframe or control events just to avoid having to deal with the normal frustrations Mike has felt at various times.

It’s not like I don’t have a good example of a mature spouse who trusts the Lord and treats others as he would like to be treated.  He doesn’t try to solve ‘my problems’. He only weighs in when I ask for his advice. 

I welcome the opportunity to make some changes, especially when directed by the Holy Spirit!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. Proverbs 3:5-7 NIV

What if I’m praying wrong?

February 29, 2024

Maria God's will, Healing, Holy Spirit, James 5, Matthew 6, Prayer, Romans 8, The Lord's Prayer , , , Leave a comment

…we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us….. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will…..Romans 8:26-27 NLT

Wednesday night at the prayer meeting, knowing that most of the shared prayer requests involve physical healing, surgeries and care for loved ones and friends, Pastor Joe gave us some guidance.  Though God does want us to pray for bodily and mental wellness, we should also add petitions for spiritual healing in each of these cases. He cited James’ teaching on healing prayers that include requests for forgiveness of sins.

He further reminded us how God is working good in and through all painful situations for believers (Romans 8:28) and that the Holy Spirit prays for us.

I couldn’t remember where in Chapter 8 God teaches that the Spirit in us actually intercedes for us, so I looked up those passages this morning.

I felt relieved AND excited to read that the Holy Spirit continually aligns his prayers with God’s will.  And that the Father knows what the Spirit is praying for, on my behalf.

Haven’t you heard teaching that reassures us that if God knows what we need, that implies he’s going to act on it? But what if I’m not sure what I need?  What if all my prayers are just about what I want him to do? As in: just remove this XYZ suffering and make everything get back to normal!

How stunning to know that the Father actually has specific things he wants you and me to pray for. That makes me curious? What does our God want us to pray for?

Maybe Jesus’ model prayer pops into your mind. When asked, our Lord responded to his disciples, with:  Pray like this….. Father, may your name be made famous and honored by all, cause your kingdom to come more and more, and may all of your will be done…..

That’s a good place to start. Beyond that, if we don’t know all of what God wants, the Bible is replete with enough about his purposes that we can incorporate more of those into our prayers.

I want to grow in this way. For example, when I pray for one of Mike’s meetings ‘to go well’, I could add: Cause Mike to remember that you are guiding him always, so he has no need to be nervous.  ….or…… As you protect us on this trip, may we be looking for how you provide just what we need in every circumstance. Remind us to relax into your fatherly, loving and good care. For then we can praise you and share with others how you always come through!

I’m excited to expand how I pray AND I am grateful to God for providing the Holy Spirit as my safety net. Even when I pray ‘selfishly,’ unaware of all I COULD be asking for, the Spirit takes my prayers and aligns them with what the Father would like to have me pray. Thank you, three-in-one God!

Look who is praying for you!

November 9, 2023

Maria 1 Corinthians 6, Holiness, Holy Spirit, House of Prayer, Intercession, Prayer, Romans 8 , , , 3 Comments

The one who searches our hearts knows what the Spirit has in mind. The Spirit intercedes for God’s people the way God wants him to. Romans 8:27 GOD’S WORD® Translation

Somehow, up to now, I’ve glossed over this stunning verse that precedes the famous Romans 8:28. But, the other morning, after reading Oswald Chambers’ devotion for 8 November, I suddenly saw what a multi-faceted gift we actually have received when God placed his Spirit IN us.

Just imagine!  God has a specific will for you and me and his Spirit actually asks the Father for this divine will to be done in us.  Of course, you and I are to pray for ourselves and invite friends to join us in calling upon the Lord. But we have almighty God in us speaking his word over us, his living, irrevocable word.  With confidence, we can rest in the surety that God’s word never fails. His ultimate will for us shall come to pass.

That fact cheers me up greatly.  Why do I worry? If the Spirit is praying for me even without me knowing the specifics, then I will submit with gladness and relief to what the Father desires to be so in my life. I will seek to obey (help me Holy Spirit!) what I explicitly know from Scripture and keep attentive to Holy Spirit nudges.

After cheering us with this on-going spiritual gift, Oswald then reminds us of our part in the Spirit’s work. That is to keep our ‘house of prayer’ clean.  He links Jesus’ anger over ongoing commercial sales in Jerusalem’s temple with Paul’s reminder about the status of our bodies:

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God?      1 Corinthians 6:19 (NLT)

Oswald draws his reflection to a close by explaining how to keep this place of prayer clean. We are to tend to our conscious thoughts and mind our conscious actions.

Researchers tell us that the majority of our thought life is taken up with the unconscious. If that is the case, it’s a relief to know I’m only responsible for the thoughts of which I am aware. 

That might feel like a tall task, to take each thought ‘to task’ and judge it. To examine each speculation, determining whether it honors God or shows disrespect. And then to toss what is offensive into the garbage dump of all that is untrue, demeaning, ugly, evil, wrong, defiled and unbecoming one of God’s family members.

But friends, I offer a sweet consolation that motivates me to WANT to clean up my thought life. If by throwing out the junk that clutters my conscious mental world, I can create more room for the Spirit…..or i f I can make his abode a more attractive and pleasing space for him to intercede for me, why wouldn’t I? I want ALL the godly prayers He is willing to offer on my behalf.   And if you are like me, then you too want more of what our triune God has to give.

Let the house cleaning begin!

Do you bear the brand?

April 27, 2023

Maria Ephesians 1, God's will, Holy Spirit , 3 Comments

Over the past few months, we’ve watched three seasons of a series portraying a dysfunctional family and its ranch in Montana. John Dutton represents the third generation to own and operate this beautiful and extensive property.

Running and managing the ranch with its land and herds requires many workers. Some ranch hands they simply hire. They tend to work for a while and then move on. But others are especially selected and ‘invited’ to live and work permanently for John Dutton and the family.

None of these long-term workers are forced to belong. They are presented a choice and willingly accede. Upon making the decision to join, they undergo a ceremony in the presence of the rest of this select group. They bare their chests and receive a brand, marking them as John Dutton’s own.

The branded ones live and work together with the temporary hires. The outside world discerns no difference between them. But they are very distinct.

Having willingly pledged whole-heartedly to serve John Dutton, they no longer live for themselves.  If they doubt the need for or ‘rightness’ of an assignment, they might grumble among themselves, but they comply. They show their unswerving loyalty. John Dutton, for his part, takes good care of them, whatever the mishap or suffering they undergo. He treats them as part of the Dutton family, though not on par with his children who will inherit the ranch.

Christians, as well, belong to and serve an owner.  When we learned of the kingdom of God, when we were given eyes to see and a heart to know the one true and living God, we had a choice. We could accept the invitation into this new realm, or we could stay outside, living for ourselves and accepting whatever future consequences awaited us.

Crossing the threshold includes being ‘branded’ or sealed by the Holy Spirit.  Members of the ‘kingdom of light’ don’t bare a visible brand, but we do belong to someone else.

I’ve been comparing my outward behavior and attitude towards Jesus with that of those who belong to John Dutton.  The noticeable difference in their response and relationship to their boss contrasts with the hired men and women ‘just passing through’.

I wonder how someone would know that I belong to the Lord? Do my face, the rest of my body language, my words, my actions and reactions resemble Jesus at all? Or do I act like a hired servant who doesn’t love his master?

Just thinking.

In Him, you also, when you heard the word of truth, the good news of your salvation, and [as a result] believed in Him, were stamped with the seal of the promised Holy Spirit [the One promised by Christ] as owned and protected [by God]. Ephesians 1:13 Amplified Bible

Mean-spirited Maria

January 27, 2022

Maria 1 Peter 3, Conviction, Holy Spirit, Sin 3 Comments

….what is inside the heart —the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4 CSB

Pop often accused me of ‘pulling wings off of flies’. I had a sense of what he meant.  This was his way of letting me know how unkind I had been, picking at and trying to provoke my mom.

When I searched on line to see if my dad had just made up this expression, I read with horror: “In typical usage, it describes a cruel person, such as a bully or someone who enjoys tormenting others…… for no other reason than to take pleasure in being mean to them/in watching the other person be hurt….emotionally, physically, or otherwise. (accessed 24 Jan 2022)

I did this very thing in my most recent zoom call to Mike’s mom. She loves her Episcopal church and during our conversation, she expressed great sadness in how attendance has dwindled during the pandemic.

I could have just commiserated with her.  Instead, I boasted in how many people have joined our church. I also slipped in some remarks to the effect that in order to become a member, you have to be able to point to when you gratefully accepted Christ’s righteousness for your own and what He has done for you since then, unlike her denomination. Totally unnecessary, and meant to make her feel bad.  She never knows how to respond to me when I bring this up.

At the end of the week, I’m flying out to Seattle to spend a few days with her.  She’s growing more fragile and isolated due to all the Covid restrictions in her retirement complex. I’m hoping to cheer her up some and cook some food she’ll enjoy.

Back to that zoom call, I continued with a mean spirit, asking, ‘Do you all still have to wear masks in Seattle?’ (I knew the answer).  Again, it was meant to be a dig, designed to highlight the difference between Washington state and where I live, here in Alabama where we have no Covid restrictions. 

Then I added something about how ineffectual and silly masks are. Unnecessary!

I felt terrible during the entire conversation.

I confessed my cruelty to the Lord and told Mike.  But the following morning, the Holy Spirit REALLY convicted me.  During the first half of the day, even at the gym, He continued to reveal more and more of my heart.

Let’s call a spade a spade.  What I did during my conversation was to ‘despise’ my mother-in-law.  It dawned on me while on the rowing machine, ‘there’s no middle ground’. Either I love someone or I despise them.

Calling my sin by its nature helped me, in a painful way. This morning, the ‘reveal’ continued. 

What do you think of when you read how we are to ‘flee from sin’?

I picture Joseph escaping the clutches of the promiscuous Mrs. Potiphar. But I never have applied this warning to Maria, until this morning.

That’s when I also came across the 1 Peter advice to wives of unbelieving husbands. Again, I had never thought of how I could apply to me, in a different context.

 I’m praying and have asked friends and Mike to pray for my heart during these next few days with Mike’s mom.  I want to be that quiet (‘unprovoked and unprovoking’ per the Greek) and gentle (‘self-controlled’) gal whom the Father is pleased to call his daughter.

 

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