Slave to what? Slave to whom?

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Suppose I remark, “Say, friend, you claim to be a Christian, a believer and follower of Christ. Let me ask you; do you live as someone whose freedom Jesus died for?”

Your first response should be, “Maria, what do you mean by ‘free’? What freedom are you talking about?” 

I would explain, “I mean to what or to whom do you conform?” 

You might not be able to respond to my abrupt question. Or you may defensively shoot back, as did the Pharisees to Jesus, “Of course, I’m free!  Do you think I’m a slave or something?”

That’s no surprise. Often, we lack awareness of what really drives our behavior.

I’m not one to conform to societal pressures, but I am skilled at keeping myself on a short leash, one that is self-imposed.    

I thank God that three years ago, he broke into my little prison and started expanding my boundary lines. Having been released from bulimia earlier, and definitely not anorexic, I had, however, become skilled in a different form of food slavery, ‘orthorexia’.  That’s the concept that there is only ONE right way to eat.  It’s all about control in order to feel safe.

Against my desires at the time, the Lord started shining a light in my darkness. He perfectly timed some rational observations from three different people. My creative and dear friend shared truth about me, using gentle images. Then two loving family members boldly confronted me with uncomfortable truth about patterns of behavior I had developed over time.

Gradually, I have made significant strides and DO feel freer. But as we know, all growth hurts. For me, stage one of this providential forced change dealt with food and some rigid daily ‘routines’. But I now see there has remained another dark area I didn’t recognize.

In the fullness of time’, the Holy Spirit said, in effect, “Let’s examine some more of your self-imposed rules and practices.” More ‘freedom’ work beckoned.

Saying ‘yes’ to God’s loving invitation to greater liberty, I now sense that I am on a train speeding me toward a new place, where there are NO rules or laws, just a Person named Jesus. And his rule is Love. Love God and love others.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not be encumbered once more by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Cor 3:17

….. if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

(all 3 from Berean Standard Bible)

Just what do I mean by being free?  What are we freed from?  We need questions like this to help us identify lies we believe. Especially those false narratives we tell ourselves. We create stories based on insecurities, fears, pressure we sense, resentments, envy, anxieties etc.

God is changing my perspective via books, podcasts, and conversations he sovereignly brings across my path. Like the good Bereans who examined God’s word for themselves when they encountered new teaching from Paul, (Acts 17:11), I now see principles and promises in the bible whose significance has taken on new meaning.

The freedom I am slowly embracing as I continue to meditate and study is beginning to release me from two categories of expectations. The first group are those standards of conformity that either I believe I SHOULD meet, the kind I imagine people have explicitly laid on me. 

The other group are actually more deadly, because those drivers of behavior bury themselves in one’s subconscious.  They are the unnoticed, unarticulated, and unevaluated.  Only when we have the guts and force ourselves honestly to bring to Jesus’ light our thoughts, our judgements and our self-woven narratives, can we judge whether they are true.

Right now, I am focused on noticing and breaking free of the ball and chains Maria has placed on herself.  One by one, the Lord is guiding me to identify and evaluate these controlling rules or boundaries.  I’m asking “Were those chosen habits fear-based or love-based?” Control is all about fear.

Each day, I feel a bit lighter, whetting a hunger for more of this freedom for which Christ died.

But here’s the ‘twist’.  Reread how Paul taught the Galatians in Chapter 5, pleading: “Don’t go back to your old slave master of rule-based righteousness.  Live in the freedom which you experienced upon hearing the good news of free grace. I know you Galatians, how you accepted Jesus’ offer of life and stepped away from the yoke of oppression.”

Paul obviously is free, yet in at least three places in the New Testament, (Romans 1:1….Titus 1:1….Galatians 1:10) he described himself as a ‘slave of Christ’, a doulos.

What’s up with that? Ah, this is the beauty of the distinction.  Paul was no slave to a set of rules, but he willingly gave himself to a living Person to be his servant. Out of stupefied wonder at God’s electing love and grace.

We, too, are no longer slaves to a system of rules.  We live in a new category called beLOVED ‘son/daughter’ and ‘bondservant and friend to Jesus.

Where does someone start? Where is the entry point to this Kingdom of the Freed?  There’s one narrow door or gate by which we gain access. And it is purposefully narrow.  If someone still carries ‘baggage’, he won’t be able to pass through. You know, those costumes of carefully-crafted identities and self-righteousness coverings.  No, we must come naked, just as we are in reality. We step out of crafted coverings into this new world spacious and lush, but with boundary lines of love whose design guards our freedom.

As bondservants, we keep our eyes on King Jesus who is Love personified. We, always refer to him for direction, wisdom, provision and help.

Now doesn’t that sound inviting?  Come! Won’t you join me on this quest for true freedom? We need each other to remind us of the liberty we actually possess.

How do you apply the Gospel to yourself?

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I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. Romans 7:15 NLT

My first thought was, “I did not handle that situation well at all!” As I replayed the event with a close friend, I started to feel worse and worse. At the time, I had no idea that I had hurt her. But now it was too late.  Only in fiction do you find those choose-your-own-ending storybooks. Sadly, this was real life and my heart ached.

I slept little that first night as I ran through the events and what I could have done differently. I awoke still feeling sad and ashamed.

It took me until midafternoon to hear the Holy Spirit’s prompt.

I was driving to my exercise class when the Lord brought to mind: Maria, Jesus already died for this!

Then a small kernel of an idea grew: Maria, you have to apply the gospel to yourself.

How does one do that?  I’ve never even thought that through.  But it rang true.  Coupled with that counsel came the truth of God’s sovereignty.  I spoke this fact out loud so my soul could hear:

Satan meant this for evil, to harm your relationship with your friend, but God meant it for good!

Okay, what is the good that can emerge?  I need to look for that.

At the gym, I had about 25 minutes on a cardio machine. To distract my mind, I let it float among these new thoughts.  Almost staccato like, others arrived. As soon as I got into my car, I grabbed the yellow post-it notes and pen that I keep handy.  This is what I jotted down as I applied the gospel of God’s grace to my heart. His assurances included the following:

  • I have not ‘blown it’ irrevocably.  Our relationship may have taken a step backwards, but there’s still time to mend it and grow healthier as friends.  And if it never does heal, well then, one day ALL relationships will not only be restored, but made new and perfect.
  • The truth is, my friend doesn’t know the half of my dark heart.  I’m worse than she realizes AND far more loved than I can even imagine.  Yes, God’s love for me outweighs my sinful, impure motives.
  • Although it’s true that we’ve had issues before that I thought were behind us, apparently the scab had not totally healed. Her accusatory words, some true and others not, were like a severe bump that started the wound to bleed again.

Other counsel from the Holy Spirit included:

  • In this occasion, my assumptions that led to my hurtful action were not correct. Developing the habit of rechecking what I think to be true and running it by the other person could make a difference in future situations.

But what has healed me the most is the image of light. Our God is he who commanded light from the beginning of creation. Supernatural power and protection stream from God’s light. When men encounter Jesus in his luminous light, they fall down powerless. Recall the transfiguration and Paul’s encounter while traveling.

So, in order to stop replaying that scene with my friend over and over, I have flown to the light.  Jesus abides in a circle of light.  Where Jesus is, there is only truth.  All the whispered lies that feel like truth can’t stand the light of God. They only hide in the darkness of fear and shame.

When I’ve been tempted to beat myself up, I have drawn close to the light of Jesus. Several nights have passed and I’ve been able to sleep.

I’m now on a hunt for bible verses about God’s light, aka God’s truth. I NEED that salvific healing balm.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9