Can you be in the will of God and still suffer?

December 20, 2025

Maria 1 Corinthians 4, Answers to Prayer, Decision-making, God's will, Prayer, Psalm 23, suffering , , , , , Leave a comment

Even now we go hungry and thirsty, and we don’t have enough clothes to keep warm. We are often beaten and have no home.
1 Corinthians 4:11 (NLT)

When we decided to move from southeastern Virginia to the mountains of western North Carolina, we prayed all year long. I had read a book by Kevin DeYoung entitled Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God’s Will. His approach helped shape our prayers.

We would speak each night out loud to our Shepherd in prayer, sometimes even physically raising up open hands to symbolize that we trusted Him to open or shut doors. For us, that posture meant that we were willing for Him to redirect us. 

God responded by selling our house in Virginia, locating a mountain cabin on ten acres, and providing me with a French teaching job in Asheville. All in five months and coinciding with Mike’s retirement from federal service. 

With such a green light, we packed up in June 2013, loaded our two cats, and convoyed down to our new life in the mountains. Our plan – Mike would work from home as a subcontractor while I commuted to my school to teach French. 

Naively, we assumed that being in God’s will would preclude major hardships.

Recently I was reminded of that “adventure” and our assumptions while reading the novel Return to Me by Lynn Austin.

Austin takes biblical facts from the first six chapters of Ezra and provides backstory, bringing to life the struggle of the first group of returnees from Babylon. They journey back to Jerusalem to rebuild the temple. I’ve almost finished the book, which spans almost 23 years. I’m seeing how our God takes the long view. He is in no hurry to have His good plans and purposes accomplished.

Clearly, these families journeyed under the will of God, since Cyrus, king of Persia, issued a proclamation fulfilling the prophecy of Jeremiah. The Persian ruler even goes so far as to supply the returnees with the gold and silver utensils and cups stolen from the Jewish temple.

But almost as soon as the returnees begin their work, they meet with resistance and violence. Life becomes stressful and terribly hard. Eventually, they are forced to stop their labor.

The reality is that, just like Paul and the early Christians, living according to His plans does not preclude suffering.

Our own personal ordeals since then have changed my perspective. Life is challenging in a world broken by sin and influenced by Satan. But God’s response is His promised presence:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
Psalm 23:4 (ESV)

So, what happened to us in North Carolina? We left after almost six years to move to Huntsville, Alabama. The different adversities and hardships were worth it, though. I came to know Jesus at a deeper level. Our trust in Him grew. And we are both very content living here.

I pray each day that I trust my Savior, who daily leads me in paths of ease?
No—in paths of righteousness for His purposes.

What will they say about you?  What kind of legacy are you leaving?

May 30, 2024

Maria Answers to Prayer, Praise, Prayer, Psalm 71, Refuge, Uncategorized , , 1 Comment

I have become a marvel to many…..Psalm 71:7 NASB

If today you heard a man reflect on his life using those words, to what kind of explanation would your mind go? Would you conclude that he had built a successful company?  Or that he was serving in an influential position in the government or educational sphere? Might he have lots of kids and grandkids who are adulting well?

Those are all laudable accomplishments. Yet, what the psalmist describes in this scripture have only secondarily to do with him and his actions. Instead, he highlights the numerous jams he’s been throughout his life.

In verse 3, he refers to how often he has needed to flee to God’s refuge for relief and protection:

  Be a rock of refuge for me, where I can always go. (CSB)

The psalm is chock-full of praises to the Lord after his rescues. 

Describing himself as being almost a gray-haired one, he reflects on the numerous times he has called on God and depended on the Mighty One’s faithfulness in coming through.  He also enumerates current-day dangers and checks off on his fingers the enemies he has. 

Studying this kind of personal journal entry, I see a man who keeps getting knocked down, time and time again.  And one who bounces back and heals, sheltered by his Lord and with an even more compelling testimony.

From his words, I sense that his friends and family (and maybe his enemies, too) would register surprise as successive attacks and setbacks plague him.

You know people like that, right? Those who seem to have MORE than their fair share of problems, situations and disappointments?

Those watching our psalmist, just what is it that causes them to marvel?

How he never stops depending on the Lord, never ceases calling out to him. In the midst of his enemies, before he sees evidence of rescue, he declares in advance God’s ready hiding place. He then uses God’s means of protection, rejoices over the Lord’s faithfulness, following up with public praises to his God.

He’s like a mini- Job, but without demanding an explanation from God for his suffering. I think THIS is what creates amazement in all who know him. 

My husband Mike reminds me of this psalmist. As he looks back on his life, he would be the first to acknowledge the wounds, setbacks, broken dreams and other disappointments he has suffered in his life. Yet, he dependably looks to God for his help. Over and over he affirms our God’s goodness and his constancy of character.

Today is his 67th birthday. What makes his life a marvel is this faithfulness to depend on and honor God. As much as I can point to his excellence as an engineer, voice-over artist, musician, and family man, it his resilient dependence and public pointing us to God that I want to highlight. Even when he is attacked with bouts of discouragement and fear, he hies it back to God’s stronghold and points to his goodness after the attacks have passed.

Mike, thank you for your example.  May you continue to praise our triune God and not stop until you have trained up our grandkids and their future children to love the Lord and depend on Him!

From Helicopter Parent to Helicopter Wife

May 2, 2024

Maria Answers to Prayer, Holy Spirit, Marriage, Parenting, Prayer, Proverbs 3 , , , , , , Leave a comment

From Helicopter Parent to Helicopter Wife

Yes, I admit, I was one of those moms.  Even before the term grew into a household word, I would try to remove difficulties from my boys’ lives. If I’m honest, I was more motivated to make their lives easier for my sake. I don’t like people around me to be unhappy. 

That’s pretty naïve, given that in this life, we are guaranteed afflictions. Unfortunately, I grew up with a father who modeled trying to keep everyone happy. Peace at any cost.

For most of our sons’ growing up years, I was not yet a biblical Christian. Nor had I even heard of the caterpillar-cocoon-butterfly analogy. We’ve all probably heard the story of how someone with good intentions trying to ease the struggle of the emerging butterfly actually doomed this beautiful creature to an early death by helping her to emerge from her cocoon.

One time when our oldest son was in 8th grade, he felt his English teacher wasn’t treating him fairly. We called for a meeting with the teacher so Graham could air his grievances. In hindsight we should have encouraged him first to seek a solution himself with the man.

To my shame, I even had my husband write one of Graham’s college professors his freshman year when he earned a C that first fall semester.

This same tendency to want to ‘magic away’ our sons’ problems wasn’t confined to just them. Rather, I have brought that pattern into my marriage.

For years, just because I desired a ‘happy husband’, I’ve tried to fix things for my husband without him asking for my assistance. This is called ‘mothering’ as I recently read.  Mothering one’s children is appropriate (though not in those ways I tried to shield Graham and Wes from good growth opportunities).  However, treating an adult man (and especially my husband) that way is demeaning and dishonoring.

I’m learning now how I’ve made an idol of a ‘pleasant life’.  I’ve been slow to realize that people’s feelings are their responsibility and that upsets and problems can’t be avoided. On the contrary, difficulties provide opportunities for us to grow. Healthy families support one another during trials, offering empathetic love.

In addition, Christian parents and spouses have been given the gift of calling upon Jesus on behalf of the families.  I’m beginning to learn how when we have to struggle with the Lord’s help through a situation, we learn something more about God.  So, why would I want to stand in the way of that kind of blessing for family or friends?

Back to our kids, I do see that despite trying inappropriately to spare Graham from the reality of a mediocre college grade, God guided us to allow him to work alone through a crisis with the Lord.  After that first semester of college, Graham felt dissatisfied with James Madison University and the traditional college track. We allowed him to apply over Christmas to Berklee College of Music. The problem arose when he got accepted and he had to make the decision what to do, whether to stay at JMU after this first year or move to Boston.

As he had been growing as a Christian, we let him struggle with God and pray through the decision.  Wrestle he did, going back and forth in whether he should stay or go for about a month.  One morning, all of a sudden, as he explains it, he awoke feeling he should stay at JMU and not leave. He let that decision sit and as it persisted into the next day and beyond days, he realized that the Lord had indeed led him to an answer. And all through prayer.

Looking back, I see the benefit of treating him as an adult and allowing him to work it out with God. Seeing the Lord actually guide him in a decision about real life, a crisis, changed his faith from theoretical to real.

I know he would say that this was the right decision because once he decided to stay, he threw himself into college life. He formed a band with two friends and met Shay, his wife of 17 ½ years.

Recently, Jesus has been pointing me to how I have perhaps NOT been as good a wife to my husband as I should. For my own sake, I have attempted to create, reframe or control events just to avoid having to deal with the normal frustrations Mike has felt at various times.

It’s not like I don’t have a good example of a mature spouse who trusts the Lord and treats others as he would like to be treated.  He doesn’t try to solve ‘my problems’. He only weighs in when I ask for his advice. 

I welcome the opportunity to make some changes, especially when directed by the Holy Spirit!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. Proverbs 3:5-7 NIV

Is anything too unimportant to pray about?

July 15, 2023

Maria Answers to Prayer, Healing, Luke 13, Patience, Persistence, Prayer, Self-Righteouness , , 3 Comments

…..everyone who asks receives… Matthew 7:8 NASB

“Oh, I don’t want to bother God.  I’m sure he’s got more important things to worry about than my______!”

Have you ever met someone who takes this sort of pseudo-pious posture?

When I’m feeling sarcastic inside, I’d LIKE to retort, “Oh, you believe you don’t need God for this, that you can handle this issue yourself?”

But more often than not, I experience sadness for any such dear soul who doesn’t believe that our Father in heaven CARES about every detail of her life and mine.  Has she forgotten that He created her! We tend to love what we paint or fashion or bring order to.  Do you know many artisans, composers, painters, sculptors or gardeners who aren’t partial to what they’ve labored over in love?

I regularly find delight in praying about the ‘little’ matters.  (One pastor I’ve read recently commented that from God’s perspective, ALL our requests are little.) I am comforted that Mike, too, depends on God for the many details of each day.  From tech issues, to conversations with colleagues to untangling sticky issues with a customer service rep and even a foreseen lack of time. On this earth 1.0, a fundamental law of nature is ‘As is the day, so too are its challenges’.  But, the good news is that God promises strength and wisdom and sometimes even a way out for each obstacle that challenges us, IF we stop and ask him. Nary a day goes by that we don’t both experience God’s provision and answers.

For example, yesterday a replacement single Airpod arrived from Apple.  Mike has faced various issues with these Airpod Pros he bought a couple of years ago. Since I was away doing errands when the replacement arrived, he texted me for prayer because he couldn’t seem to pair this new device with his cell.

Immediately responding, I typed out and prayed that he would trust God to provide patience and wisdom to figure it out.  Within 5 minutes, he signaled his praise for God’s timely provision!

Later when I was home again, we talked about God’s rapid help, juxtaposing his speedy affirmative answer with those many as-yet-unanswered, ongoing and long-term AND daily pleas for relief, ways forward, healing, conversions, solutions etc.

My theory about these ‘little things’ is this: Our Father wants us to depend on him for all that concerns us in order to train us to count on him for each and every one of our daily ‘ordinaries’.  He grants many, many requests in order to prove that he always responds to our cries for his help. Training us to cast all our issues, the teeny and the major, is how he creates in us an automatic and trusting response to life’s bumps and sufferings. 

For an example of something very long term, consider the woman who suffered as an outcast for more than a decade due to her constant bleeding. Nevertheless, she received from God’s hand food, work and some kindnesses during those seemingly-interminable twelve years.

We all have our long-term versions of this single woman’s desire. For one more example, how about the crippled woman Jesus heals on a sabbath?

….should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free…… Luke 13:16 NIV

So, dear friends, as you carry a heart heavy for the ‘biggies’ such as the salvation of a family member, or healing, or reconciliation with a friend, remember to keep asking the Lord for every one of your ‘little’ needs. His answers will strengthen your faith as you persistently pray, without doubting.  Rest assured, that when God deems the time is right, he will provide.