And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21 ESV……for I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD. Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

The fear started a few days ago.

After receiving a confrontative response to some back-and-forth communication I had initiated, I knew I had to seek peace with someone in my life.  Listening again to my initial audio message, I saw how I had led off in a rambling indirect way that this person had found very off-putting.  I’m learning that she is very direct.  In contrast, my approach had followed a stream-of-conscious, “I’m thinking of doing such-and-such and wanted to run it by you.” She misheard my rambling words and took them in a way I had not intended. Her swift aggressive response stunned me.

I called her several times before we connected and did my best to mend the rift, apologizing for my way and my words.  I think we’re back to a kind of equilibrium. But the exchange, very uncomfortable for me, left me sobered, chagrined and battling fear.

Early the next morning, I laid out before the Lord all that had happened and asked him to settle me and bring me peace.  What was I afraid of? I told Jesus, „I don’t trust myself to think next time before I speak.  I am afraid that I will NOT be able to communicate with clear and precise language.  I’ve been known to say LOTS of things I later regret.  I’m not good at pausing to choose my words well.”

The Lord tackled the very existence of my fear.  First, he reminded me that I don’t belong to the Kingdom of Fear anymore. As Paul writes, For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, Colossians 1:13 NASB

What does darkness represent? Fear and uncertainty!  The dark hides scary and dangerous situations.  Satan loves to suggest and then stoke tiny fear thoughts within us until they dominate our minds. But if we remember that now as ‘new creations’ who ‘live and move and have our being’ in Jesus’ Kingdom, then we can relax knowing that the air we breathe contains not one fear-molecule.

As I journaled, I saw how I’m going to need to practice noticing each time a fear pops into my mind. Since that morning I’ve been asking myself, “Maria, is that a fear thought about something happening today?”

If the answer is ‘yes’, then that’s my cue to confess it and turn back to the One I am called to trust that day.

If it’s just a hypothetical future scenario that scares me, then I’m predicting what tomorrow’s God-directed script will be. And I have NO perspective from which to see the entire cast and what has occurred up to now. I’m just living in my skin.

Each morning, we meet the Lord in prayer and receive our assignment for the day.  Yes, there is a daily plan in Jesus’ Kingdom theater.  We are to look to our Director for his cues and play whole-heartedly the role He has assigned to us.

Frankly, most of the time my day feels like I’m just ‘improving’.  I don’t know what comes next. But trusting in my Holy Spirit coach, I proceed as best as I can. There’s no need to worry, because all of us in the Son’s cast can be assured that in the end all will work out according to the Lord’s good plan. 

So, why are we plagued by reoccurring fears?  I think that this practice is but a holdover from one of the old scripts we used to follow when we played bit actors in Satan’s show.

But that was before our rescue and transfer into the new Kingdom. We are indeed new creations with roles to play/live out.

As I lay down to sleep each night, I’m trying to remind myself that tomorrow’s scenario is nothing I can predict. God is so creative and is using all that happens today as part of tomorrow’s plan.  My perspective as one of numerous ‘beloved bit players’ is so limited that to worry tonight about what might occur tomorrow is stupid and a waste of time.

My assignment is to rest and trust the One who gives his beloved sleep. (Psalm 127:2)