1 Pet 5: 5b – 7 God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  (By ) cast (ing)  all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

A Christian friend asks me how I’m doing.  I pause and search my thoughts to figure out a way to communicate that lack of contentment and peace that plague me.  What is it, exactly, that is wrong?   After all, I have many blessings and lack many troubles that trouble those I know.  At the time, I can’t really put my finger on anything in particular.  It’s just that I don’t FEEL like all is well.

Here’s my self-diagnosis.  When I think of those primary family members whom I love most:  son # 1, his wife and their baby, son # 2 and his fiancée, my husband – there is this grey cloud of anxiety that hovers OVER each of their heads and their lives.  They haven’t told me that such a cloud exists – I put the clouds there in my little world.  The cloud represents all the uncertainty that I feel about how their lives are going to turn out.

My pride and desire for control to script their lives IN ORDER to feed my happiness and peace is what has brought clouds into my life and obscured my joy.  As I read last night in an article by Paul David Tripp, when my treasure is based on something of this world, I start to get anxious, because nothing in this world is under my control.

So, here is the solution- pray about each of these situations/people whom I love – once a day.  If something specific comes up during the day, then humbly, acknowledging my dependence, pass on that request to my Father.  But no more fretting and arranging in my mind possible future scenarios for each.  This is pride-busting, because it’s admitting that Maria does NOT have control, that there is nothing I can do, or should do, but entrust each care to my Heavenly Father.  Even if I COULD script their lives and nothing untoward would happen to them, what perspective do I have that would mean my choices for them would be optimal?  Only God know what is best.  So why worry?

With all that time now freed up to think of other things, I can reflect on what will make me truly feel better – thankful thoughts about God, His goodness, His qualities, His promises, His amazing encounters with his sinful, sheep-like (or worm-like) children whom he loves.  I am convinced that what I feed on affects my mood.  The less I look at imaginary grey clouds and the more I look at the bright light of God’s glory, the more joyful will I feel.