Recently, God has been bringing to my awareness, painfully, my dark nature.  This is an almost daily occurrence.  I think I have always known this aspect of myself, the selfish me that would horrified if another person were privy to my thoughts.  But I have to deal with it now.  I do repent and ask forgiveness.  But I am still shocked that I’m not seeing a diminution of my selfishness.

This morning I was wallowing in disgust and despair – not a fun combination.  But thanks be to God, He reminded me of what I have heard several times – that we are FAR worse/horrid/black-hearted than we can imagine but far more loved as well. Whew!  I realized that maybe this is part of the purification process..the heat has been increased and the dross increasingly is rising to the top …more to burn off.  But all in a secure context of safety and maximum love.  It still surprises me, however.  I didn’t grow up Christian: I don’t have an older woman in my family who has told me to expect this.    I wonder, what is the next stage?