Plagued and assaulted by diabolical thoughts

October 29, 2012

Maria Hebrews, Uncategorized , , , , , , 5 Comments

Bless Charles Spurgeon!  I am so thankful for this 19th century preacher.  Trolling a collection of sermons regarding spiritual warfare landed this life-saving thought: the Devil plants destructive ideas like rat-traps, ready to snap shut and hold us captive.

For years since the age of 16, I have been prisoner to a cruel master and regularly beaten up & battered with the idea that my worth and significance come from weighing 125 pounds. When I started to gain weight, I then fell prey to the self-salvation trap of bulimia.

Long story short, God rescued me from the pit of this eating disorder, but I have still been tethered to the harmful idea of “Weighing X=good day  v. Weighing non-X = bad day”.

God has lovingly allowed/ sent/ willed/ gifted me with this trial and I am beginning to bless Him and thank Him for it.  Yes, many tears, struggles and much depression have resulted from it, but also immeasurable insight into the incomparable worth of Jesus has also ensued.

What I read Sunday in one of Spurgeon’s sermons was that our peace with God can often be disturbed by a tempting thought from Satan.

“That’s it! These are not MY thoughts and THUS TRUE. When I get on the scales in the morning, see a number and then conclude/ think __________(whatever), that is NOT MY THOUGHT, but a temptation meant to sabotage my peace.  It’s a landmine straight from the pit of Hell, ready to destroy my day, my peace, my gladness!”

All of a sudden, power and strength flowed into me.  I suddenly felt FREE.  I had been given a weapon to fight back.

**

One of the verses that I meditate on each morning is Hebrews 13:5:

Be free from the love of X (money, comfort, enough personal time, rest, weighing ___) and be CONTENT with your circumstances for God has said, ‘I will never abandon you, forsake you or leave you without support’ Therefore, we say with confidence, the Lord is our Helper. We will not fear.  What can anyone do to us!!?’

The Greek word for Content (ar-ke-o/714) has the sense of SELF-barriers; that is of raised walls, erected to guard one’s thought-life, to prevent and block assaulting lies lobbed into our conscious and sub-conscious from the enemy.

This view, that an idea or thought might not be true, that it might not be mine, because it comes from Satan is freeing me to hold on to my peace with God.

That thought -coupled with the truth that all that happens to me is sent by my happy and blessed Father for my good – is like healthy leaven beginning to work its bubbly way through my thought life.  Everything I read seems to reinforce this remedy for anxiety/unsettledness.  As I practice resting and acquiescing to life’s circumstances, seeing that they come from God, I am beginning to want to guard this peace with ever increasing jealously.

I read last night that one of the Puritan fathers purposely began his day reviewing this happy gospel fact, designed to make him want to rejoice in Christ:

  • that he had been granted the joy-filled freedom of a little boy content to play in safety
  • because our great Savior Jesus had resolutely stood His ground, enduring the cross, ‘playing the man’ aka displaying immense courage and love
  • absorbing and soaking up all of God’s wrath –  rightly meant for us – but deflected on purpose to His beloved son
  • as just punishment for all OUR sins
  • thereby leaving us, God’s happy chosen children to live and serve in safety
  • basking in the Father’s love

May we begin our days with THOSE heaven-sent thoughts and reject unholy hand grenades meant to destroy us.

Not thinking about myself – what a relief

June 26, 2012

Maria Grace , , , , Leave a comment

I was listening to Tullian this morning.  His sermons are balm for my battered soul. Do you know that critical über-nanny who has perfected the knack for getting one to feel bad? Her thinks she lives in me – her name is ‘old slave-driver SELF’. I forget to keep kicking her out, now that the Holy Spirit lives in me.  Apparently the HS is such a gentleman that He waits for ME to act as a proper hostess should and show the ‘no-longer-welcome previous resident’ the door.

Anyway, Pastor Tchividjian loves to talk about Grace and I love to hear podcast sermons about Grace.  I can’t get enough of this topic.  I feel like a perpetually starving man whenever I am fed Gospel Grace.  I think it’s because I have lived so long in the Land of Law: “ Do this! Do that!” to be an okay Christian.

But what I heard this morning set me free…..for a spell.  Tullian was talking about how fruit is produced.  You don’t exhort a small apple tree seedling, “Grow some apples!”  Instead you water and fertilized the roots.  Likewise (per Tullian’s analogy), we shouldn’t command…..manipulate…… guilt……or browbeat ourselves OR other Christians into producing fruit (good works of joy, love, service…..).

Instead we should feed the roots of faith with the truth of the Gospel – the account and details of what Jesus has already done.

Tullian said that the more we examine ourselves to see if we are growing, we actually DON’T grow.  Christian growth happens when we take our eyes OFF of us and put them on Him!

All of a sudden I FELT the lightness of relief.  I actually HATE thinking about myself.  I get SICK of thinking about myself.  I spiral down DEPRESSED thinking about myself.

Then it occurred to me:  Maria – you don’t HAVE to think about yourself.  In fact it’s biblical NOT to.  Paul says we are to think about things that are “TNR PLA EP” (I actually say out loud – ‘tenor play, extended play’ to remind myself to think of topics that are True, Noble, Right, Pure, Lovely, Admirable, Excellent and Praise-worthy)

Recalling those attributes of topics worthy of meditation, I immediately responded, “Well, I’m certainly not Pure – only Jesus is – that’s a no-brainer!”

Then I realized, “then I don’t even QUALIFY to be on the hot topics list– whew!”

The last category of items to ponder is praise-worthy.  That fits well with the book I am slowly savoring, “one thousand gifts” by Ann Voskamp (read the book!)   Filtering my thoughts to allow only what is praise-worthy eliminates criticism and complaining and sets my eyes to look for beauty, blessings and miracles.

And what about problems, people and events about which I’m concerned and obviously have no control?  Paul has that covered.  We’re to cast them in our Father’s lap, thankful and confident that He can take care of all of them. We delegate them to God and look for His guidance and direction for action steps we are to take today.  If we are unsure, we talk to Him as we make the wisest choice for the moment, confident that He IS directing us to take the proper actions necessary for right now.

It’s far simpler than I make it out to be.  Here are some Gospel facts I want to swim in:

  • Keeping my eyes on Jesus, the blessed controller of all things
  • Christ in me, the hope of Glory
  • Forgetting all that is past….since there is now no condemnation
  • Walking and following the author and perfector of my faith
  • Setting my mind on things above where Christ is
  • Washed clean, no more robes of SELF, in my new birthday suit, clothed comfortably with HIS robes of righteousness, held in place with the belt of truth. (any lingering layers of self-righteousness just make the belt TIGHT)
  • Boasting only in Christ
  • Overflowing with thanks for having been chosen from before the creation of time
  • Qualified before time to be an inheritor of the eternal, imperishable treasure

What do you find praise-worthy?

 

 

Painful start to summer vacation

June 10, 2012

Maria Idols, Sin , , , , , Leave a comment

Thank God for Christian girlfriends and a Godly husband who have been holding me up recently.

School is out and I have frittered away 2 of my 11 weeks with not much to show for them.  I have been anxious and depressed.  (Does this come from too much time on my hands?)  Or am I being confronted with one of my many idols?

– My worth consists in my productivity.  Here is what I did today!  Just call me superwoman.

My other idol that has me bowing and scraping as a willing slave is a fit body.  As a recovering bulimic I think constantly about food and exercise and how my body feels and looks.

“Time for the training wheels to go, Maria!”  Suddenly, I have been confronted with the hollowness of my props.  But not alone.

In divine preparation, one friend gave me a book that has had me meditating on living in the present moment. I’m learning to construct a new reflex of gratitude, while trying to remember that all I do and think should glorify God.  That I can thank God FOR the previous moment that brought me HERE and live in that particular HERE, dependent on Him honors Him. That sacramental attentiveness in lieu of my customary rushed oblivion actually slows down T-I-M-E because it makes me aware of how the eternal I AM (Yahweh) is the God of the present moment.

Last Saturday in one of my rare ‘Ecclesiastes’ moments, I couldn’t think straight.  I kept saying over and over, “J’ai perdu mes repères!!! – I’ve lost my bearings.  I don’t know where I am and where I’m going.  I don’t how to frame my life!”  I finally thought, ‘I should share with my husband, after all, he needs to know what is going on and be a priest to me.’  I was in the bathroom cleaning the floor when he came up to change clothes to mow the lawn.  We sat down on the floor, leaning against the bed.  I told him what I was feeling (same ole, same ole).  As I teared up, he held my hand, listening to me.  When I didn’t know what else to add, I glanced up at him, embarrassed and spent with my emotion.  I saw that he was silently crying, entering into my pain.  Then he prayed for me.  Didn’t offer any advice.  Just sat WITH me and LOVED me.  Never have I felt so tenderly understood and accepted.

A few days later over coffee, another friend opened up about her anxiety in a way that gave me freedom to share my pain about being a slave to fitness. Then and now via email she has been listening to me and my customary thoughts (kept private up until NOW) and reflecting back to me how irrational they are.  (Anything that doesn’t align with God’s Truth needs to be ditched!)

Thursday,  I picnicked with another dear friend who is a classics expert and Godly woman as well.  I got up the courage to share with her what was going on with me and how these first 2 weeks of summer vacation have been painful, fleeting and have felt wasted.  (She teaches at my school and is on the same schedule.  One of the differences between us is that she knows how to rest without guilt.)

She reminded me that we live in wartime.  She pointed me to Revelation 12 where I read how the Accuser pursues us.  Sensing his time is short and driven in his Satanic Smear Campaign he boldly marches right up to the very throne of God bringing stinging condemnation.  Not bothering to address him, the Holy Father just points to the Son sitting next to Him, as if to say, ‘Why bother, these children of mine are clothed in my Son’s purifying blood, you can’t smear them!’ But Satan doesn’t give up:

17 Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to wage war against the rest of her offspring —those who keep God’s commands and hold fast their testimony about Jesus.

So dressing in gospel armor with my helmet of Salvation is a daily necessity!  (There is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ)

Finally yesterday, I was catching up with one of my favorite young friends who inherited ME when she married our son.  She shared what she was learning about anxiety – that it is fear about the future.  As such, it is SIN.  And God has provided us with the gift of repentance.  We can experience FREEDOM from guilt, as much as need. Her anxiety is not a condition that God has given her and that He will remove if she prays fervently enough.  In hearing how she is processing anxiety, I was drawn to applying how I live with condemnation which drives me to live by law.  But that TOO is SIN.  And I can repent and move back into the realm of Grace where I am welcome.

Have I enjoyed my first two weeks of summer vacation?  NO!  But I think this is a gift whose time has come.  It’s time for me to unwrap the present and learn the lesson.

Thank you, Lord, for your gift of pain that is preceded by and accompanied with Godly friends and family.

‘How blessed, blissful, to be envied – i.e. ASHER, is the woman (having her sins covered because SHE repented) who now trusts and relies on the unfailing love of the Lord’  Psalm 32: 1 & 10

 

Wrestling with the Sabbath

March 4, 2012

Maria Hebrews, Proverbs , , 2 Comments

Obedience DOES bring blessings

As R.C. Sproul likes to say, “Ideas have consequences”.

Today I am on vacation – a true Sabbath rest.  And I am celebrating God’s goodness.

The other day, my favorite iron-mongering friend (as in ‘iron sharpening iron’ -Proverbs 27:17) mentioned a mutual acquaintance who had panicked and chosen the world’s way in a very difficult situation.  This person had even gotten legal counsel and I’m sure thinks he did what any reasonable person would do.  His weakness made us see the parallel with Abraham who caused his wife, Sarah, to lie by claiming to be his sister so the Egyptians wouldn’t kill Abe in order to take her into the royal harem.

As I left Starbucks, I was musing: I wonder where I am not trusting God and thereby sinning.

I did not have to wait long for God to let me know.  That night, I read a reference to a verse in Hebrews that has always seemed contradictory and therefore incomprehensible.   Hebrews 4:11 says, “Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that (Sabbath) rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience”

Another translation says, STRIVE to enter that rest. All of a sudden I thought about my struggle with the idea of the Sabbath and my antipathy to Sunday afternoons and lesson-planning.  Ever since I came to my current school, I have spent Saturdays cleaning and grocery shopping and Sundays after church lesson planning.  There seemed no way out.  I have travelled the gamut from guilt on one hand to resignation on the other.  I’ve justified working on Sundays since I habitually enjoy a long Saturday morning quiet time, noodling around in my Bible and then catching up with email on the computer until about 11 am.  My lunch is my reward after getting the upstairs clean and I leisurely catch up on a magazine during those 30 minutes before continuing on with normal chores.  So what if I work on Sunday?  I do enjoy a Sabbath – it’s just cut up in parts and scattered over the weekend.  But it has not been at all restful and I have lived with dread of the impending Sunday afternoon.

But all of a sudden I saw my dilemma as a case of unbelief.  I had declared that ‘given my teaching circumstances – 5 different preps – there was NO way I could do otherwise.  Now God was gently raising the possibility that He could in fact do more than I had imagined if I was WILLING to be obedient and trust him.

The challenge was on!  I felt like I had nothing to lose.  I just happened to mention it to my husband on Saturday morning.  It occurred to me that I could actually ask Mike to wash the kitchen floor.  Not only was he willing, but he said that he would clean up the entire kitchen to boot.

I could imagine God smirking…..in the past I’ve ‘taken pride’ in the fact that I clean every week without help from my husband. (Of course he is the one who does the outside; I don’t count that in my perfection equation).  Over the years, I’ve killed the ‘little martyr’ inside of me, while all along still perfecting my superior dance.   Now if my husband helped, I could not claim to be competent.  It didn’t even take more than 3 seconds to weigh my options.   Good bye competency!  Welcome dependency on others!

How did my day turn out?  I got up at the same time (fairly early), but had only a 25 minute quiet time.  I didn’t take a lunch break, but ate while working on lesson plans.  Since Mike took care of the kitchen – that saved about 45 minutes right there.  I only completed core plans and put on my ToDo List some other school-related tasks that I will trust God for come Monday.

Voilà – He came through.  All along I kept reminding myself of my impending vacation day – a true Sabbath.  Through His provision (wisdom, stretched time, a wonderful husband) I completed the cleaning and the grocery shopping. We also walked, dined leisurely and regretfully finished the last Downton Abbey show from Season 1.  Afterwards, I caught up on a magazine and was in bed by 10:15.  Visions of tomorrow’s blessing kept dancing through my head.  (I actually couldn’t sleep much, so excited was I!)

As I thought about this miracle, the idea came to mind:  what other commands of God have I avoided as impractical or impossible?   And an even more powerful thought – maybe God intends to really bless us with these ‘rules’.  Hmmm….what blessings have I willingly deprived myself of by believing Satan’s lies?

Weddings, Part 1: Lewis and Logic

January 30, 2012

Maria sacraments, Sin , , , Leave a comment

One is either pregnant or not pregnant.  One is either in Christ or not.

Just as you can’t be a little pregnant, you can’t be a little Christian. Nonetheless, it should not surprise us that pregnant and non- pregnant women could exhibit similar symptoms, i.e. craving for pickles.  We would not necessarily conclude about a pickle-loving friend that he or she must be expecting a child.

So also it is possible that non-Christians can be kind and generous. Their commendable behavior, however, does not make them Christian. But my point is not about examining someone to see if they are Christian, but to assert that there is no sliding scale for determining whether one is in Christ. There are truly only 2 groups of people: Christians and non-Christians. The Law of Non-Contradiction explains God’s logic.  You can’t be X and non-X at the same time.

Why is this important?  Because God has proscribed how we are to treat both kinds of people.

CS Lewis broke into my consciousness when my mother, as a new Christian, lamented the fact that she could not make sense of Mere Christianity, that it was too deep for her.  My first personal introduction to Lewis was reading the Chronicles of Narnia to Graham the summer he was 8.  We took advantage of Wes’ naptime to lose ourselves in the magical world of Aslan and the adventures of the Pevensie children.

Then I, myself, journeyed through Mere Christianity with the help of a weekly group at my former school.  I moved on through Surprised by Joy, The Abolition of Man and The Great Divorce as well as devotionals based on Lewis excerpts.  But what has renewed by delight and lifted my thoughts heavenward is a collection of essays named for the first, Weight of Glory.

Here is Lewis’ stunning and arresting premise: there are no ordinary humans.

“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously – no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption.”

Lewis continues by starkly laying on his reader the burden of considering first how we treat each person we encounter.  We are either helping them heavenward or assisting them toward the horror of Hell.  And if that thought were not enough, he goes over the top with this addendum, “Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object present to your senses.”

So….what are we to do?

I was thinking about how we Christians are like members of the bridal party, getting ready for the big event that actually is not about us, but Jesus and His Church.  We’ve all been invited and are considered valuable participants.  When we criticize a brother or sister in Christ for not being strong or gifted in a particular manner like us, we are acting ridiculously.  Instead of sniping at one another, we should marvel at the other’s differences and thank our creative Lord.

My normal reflex is to be the Pharisee who prides herself in being good at X, unlike my fellow Christian/ fellow bridal party member who obviously doesn’t have it together in MY area of strength.  My busy gloating, secret smugness and touch of disdain prevent me from seeing her God-assigned role and her God-endowed gifts.

And what about those unfortunate souls not including in the bridal party, how are we to treat them?  Actually it is possible that we are incorrect in our assessment. So since we are not privy to the Heavenly Wedding Plans of Christ and His Bride, we would do well to treat all neighbors as possible fellow participants.  Kindness is never wasted.

Next week – Weddings Part 2:   God and Love

Underneath support – a thought for the New Year

December 30, 2011

Maria Colossians, Hebrews, Hope, Peace , , Leave a comment

I’m 54 and have been alive since I was 24.  It was in February of 1982 when God ‘rescued me from the dominion of darkness and transferred me into the kingdom of the Son He loves’. (Col 1:13) When you hear ‘rescue’, think plucked out. When you hear ‘transferred’, think of change in location.

I began to sprout & grow in direct proportion to the food I took in (Bible reading and study), but then the Enemy launched a full-scale frontal attack.  The first wave was the very big distraction of a multi-level marketing business that my husband’s boss offered us.  We were flattered that an older adult would ‘think so highly of us’.  Our goals changed and we followed the lure of easy money for about 7 years.  Our spiritual life went dormant. Further attacks followed with job struggles and marriage problems.

Then the aroma of life beckoned and little by little we awoke to the fact, THE FACT, that we were still alive.  But it wasn’t until we started to eat again (take in God’s word through Bible study, books on doctrine, podcast sermons and eventually meals from a Biblical church) that we really grew and started to heal. Looking back over the past 30 years, here is what I see as a bottom-line lesson.

Just like physical nourishment, aka Food is typically spaced out in 3 meals and a snack or 2 per day, so daily Biblical nourishment is a no-brainer.

But what I am finding is that a habitual quiet time (whether mid-morning, after supper, or either one of the dark book ends of the day) requires supplementation. Useful to me has been either meditation via scripture memory and/or a summary thought as in: ‘Well, this day might stink, but at least I know …….”

Here is my tri-pod assurance/ ‘insurance’ that I keep running back to throughout the day. Recalling these assurances provide me with on-going sustenance until the next ‘rendezvous’ with God’s Word:

  • My biggest problem in life has been solved: the wrath of God is no longer ON ME.  I have ‘eirene’ or peace with God because of the substitution and swapping of my actual guilt for Jesus’ righteousness.
  • My future is assured: ‘Christ in me, the expectation of Glory’ – I have a place in Heaven being saved and securely kept for me by Jesus – an unlimited life of excitement and adventure and face-to-face intimacy with the amazing Triune God.
  • The God of Jacob is my current, present help: Jacob was not a very nice character:  he was a swindler and a passive husband.  Yet because of God’s covenant with him, God helped, empowered and led him in incredible ways.  He didn’t deserve anything good, yet experienced a ‘more than one can ask or imagine life’.

As a believer, an heir along with my brother Jesus, these 3 facts are true and real.  They are my ballast. They are always there with me.  But the hard part is the decision to shift my thoughts to these truths.  They might be invisible, but they are more real than the transitory circumstances that get one down.

So, my prayer for you is that you find your bottom line, your ‘well, at least…’

Then hold on tight. As the writer to the Hebrews counsels (2:1), “We must pay the most careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away.”

Here’s to NOT drifting.  Keep connected to your anchor.  May you grow more in awe and love with Christ in 2012

The futility of self-imposed goals

November 21, 2011

Maria 2 Corinthians, Thinking , , , Leave a comment

“For freedom Christ has set us free: stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery.”  Gal 5:1

On the surface, this verse argues for a religion that orients on what God has done a priori and not what we have to do a posteriori to earn His favor. (If you’ve been around a Gospel-preaching church, you will have heard at least once that the Father punished the Son for our rebellion & evil deeds and then credited us with the Son’s perfect record of righteous living.)  The Christian religion or practices AFTER this event in history include taking this message to the world and teaching ourselves to walk in light of this ‘fait accompli’.

But as I struggle daily with understanding the Gospel message & power, I realize that I still live in the self-created religion of “Good Day/ Bad Day”.

Have you heard about this religion?  I don’t think I’m the only practitioner.  But I have my version and I would wager that you, fellow believer, have your personalized script.  You and I, we do pretty well at spouting ‘Done, not Do’.  Like you, I am SO BEYOND working my way toward earning God’s approval.  I’ve absorbed Tim Keller, Mike Horton and Tullian Tchividjian’s messages.  It’s not: what would Jesus do, but what has Jesus done.

My version of religion is far more insidious.  Here’s how it works:  I have appointed myself God and have created one religious rule for obtaining salvation/approval/heaven on earth.  This is how it goes:

I am worthy if I meet standard X,Y or Z

How I measure my day, is based on how well I succeed in meeting my standard.

My husband will ask me, “Did you have a good day?” It’s an innocent and loving question, even innocuous on the surface.  But how does one answer it?  It depends on how one defines GOOD!

Here are some possibilities from my life and others. See if you identify.

  • I was able to get the house clean – so it was a good day
  • Not one of the kids threw up, got into an argument, or broke anything – so it was a good day
  • I saw some progress in my projects at work – so it was a good day
  • I knocked off many items from my list – so it was a good day
  • My students were eating out of my hand – so it was a good day
  • I was pain-free – so it was a good day
  • I was complimented by my boss – so it was a good day
  • I stayed on my diet – so it was a good day
  • My kids didn’t annoy me – so it was a good day
  • I had a good night sleep – so it was a good day
  • I felt like I made a difference at work – so it was a good day
  • I got an A on the test – so it was a good day
  • I now have a date for Prom – so it was a good day
  • I paid the bills and there was enough money in the account – so it was a good day
  • I got accepted by a college/ I got offered a job – so it was a good day
  • I didn’t have to wait long to see the doctor – so it was a good day
  • It’s Friday and I made it through the week – so it was a good day
  • I had some time to myself – so it was a good day
  • It rained on the crops – so it was a good day
  • She called/ she didn’t call – so it was a good day
  • He listened to me – so it was a good day
  • I felt worthwhile…loved…. respected by him/ her/ them – so it was a good day

 

What’s wrong with this list, you might be saying?  They are perfectly normal things.  It’s not like we’ve set the standard unrealistically high: winning the lottery or being elected President.

The perversity of it is that we even have a list by which we measure ourselves.  Yes, we have tasks and work to do.  But we are not to evaluate ourselves by how or if we do them.  They should be emotion-free.  And scratch off any evaluative item that has to do with getting people to do something or think something.  That’s MORE than futile – that’s stupid!!! (I’m talking to myself.J)

So what are we to do?  Wrong question!  It’s rather, “how are we to order our thinking?”  By remembering, repenting and asking for Holy Spirit help to SUPER-GLUE our minds on the Truth.  Here are the 3 biggies that make up the basic Truth

  • God & Jesus & the HS planned and carried out a rescue mission, saving us from the futile way we were living.  You & I have immeasurable worth in view of the trouble the Trinity went to save us.
  • We have enough supernatural power in us as new creations (courtesy of our permanent resident, the Holy Spirit) to accomplish what God wants us to do.
  • We have a certain and eternal future which far outweighs the suffering and disappointment we all face every day, every week and every year of our lives.

So what should be our goal? What benchmark do we set for ourselves so we know how to measure whether it’s been a good day, a good year, and a good life?  If money, achievement, personal or relational goals are taken away, what is left?

“Therefore, (in view of all that awaits us and all that God has done) we have as our ambition….to be pleasing to Him” 2 Cor 5: 9

That’s it!  And if we fail today, we repent and start over tomorrow, confident that our falling short doesn’t affect our true security. When we succeed, we thank Him for his grace that enabled us to please Him this day.  This Christ-purchased freedom leaves no room for shame, pride, frustration or anger.

There is one other benefit to this re-ordered way of thinking and self-evaluation.  Since we’re no longer our own god with our own self-imposed standard of righteousness, we are not even tempted to impose on others OUR rules for correct behavior.  Think of the angst we endure when we add ‘judge of those around me’ to our job description.  These co-workers, fellow drivers, family members and friends might not even aware of the game we are playing.   Yet we judge them and feel superior.

The prison door is not locked. Come on out and breathe the fresh air of freedom. “For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver.” 1 Pet 1:18

 

PS:  If you’re wondering how we are to please the Lord, ask the Lord to show you in your reading of His word.  I’m starting with just taking Him at His Word, believing what He says and resting in that.

 

 

 

My two pillars

October 30, 2011

Maria 1 John, 2 Corinthians, Colossians , , , Leave a comment

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! 1 John 3:1

Our principal’s husband spoke at chapel on Friday.  He engaged the students (12-18 year olds) by first painting a picture of his uncomfortable high-school years.  I’m sure some of them can identify with feeling shy and wanting to belong to some group, any group!  John, today a high-energy extraverted salesman, found a home in high school among the drama kids.

Toward the end of his talk, which dealt with the life-long struggle with sin, he mentioned that taking the Gospel into painful situations is the key to the temptations of sin.  He offered a scenario sure to resonate with teens: enduring conflict and difficult conversation with one’s parents.  As I sat in the audience, I waited for him to explain exactly how one ‘takes’ the Gospel into problems.

All of a sudden I got it!  Being a child of God MEANS we have a lot to look forward to that is 100 % certain. Our status and our inheritance are guaranteed by Jesus’ covenantal shed blood.  Knowing that our future is going to be full of pleasure & joy, we can endure more easily life’s frequent bouts of ‘affliction, disappointment, hardship, inconvenience and pressure’ (Romans 5: 3).

This faith in future grace reminds me of a Tim Keller story (Pastor, Redeemer Church in NYC). Two men were hired to muck out a stable for a time-certain period.  The contract with one was for a paltry sum of money.  The contract with the other was for a million dollars.  Same dirty, smelly work but different future rewards.  The one griped, the other whistled.  What made the difference?  The knowledge of what was waiting for each.

That thought prompted my mind to slip over to 2 verses that I’ve memorized, my new twin pillars to keep me steady in the midst of ever-changing circumstances:

–Christ in you, the hope of glory, Col 1:27…..(Christ in ME, the assurance of future joy, pleasure, satisfaction, love, celebration, peace….)

–But our light and momentary afflictions are achieving an eternal weight, an abundance of glory that far outweighs them all,  2 Cor 4:17…..(Yes, each day brings pain and uncertainty.  That’s the nature of living in a fallen world.  But God’s word assures me that there is a purpose and a payoff for the trials…).

These verses are just 2 of many promises meant to sustain us, to support us, to keep us from falling down under tribulation.

I think that is what John Lane meant by ‘taking the Gospel’ with you when you face trials.

Again, it’s what you know that makes all the difference.

Our Father, remind us what it means to love you with all our mind and give us the will and strength to do so.  Amen

My anti-stress mantra

October 18, 2011

Maria Ephesians, Peace , , 2 Comments

Psalm 19:14 – May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer

God is allowing me to struggle again this school year. It’s my 20th year teaching French.  I’m realizing that my presupposition has been that teaching French should be easier as time goes on.  Maybe I was set up to adopt this premise by observing my student-teaching supervising teacher.  She had taught French for 35 years in the SAME classroom, in the SAME school.  I remember her description of lesson planning.  Driving the 12 minutes to school in the morning, she would settle on her lesson plans for the day.  And she taught FIVE levels of French! I thought that must be what ‘good’ teachers do.

Yet here I am, clipboard in hand, plans typed out, driving into school praying that I can pull it off another day, with 4 different levels and keep everything straight.  And that is after 6-7 hours of thinking and planning for the week.  I’ve gotten quite good at creating my own anxiety.

Last week, on Friday, a new thought came to me as I was angsting.  “I actually have some students who do VERY well in French, DESPITE my daily inadequacy dance.”   I kept that thought in the forefront of my mind.  And you know what?  YES!  I had a very good day.

Before I became a Christian, when I was at the University of Virginia, I used to purposefully power down the anxiety by reminding myself repeatedly before a major test, “Ten years from now, the results of this mid-term or final won’t even matter!” and that thought was enough to calm me down.  Now if God offered me that kind of stress-relieving thought as a pre-Christian, don’t you think that all the truth I now have access to in His Word might be as if not MORE useful?

If consistency is important, then my inward practice should line up with my outward.  I’m thinking of how we are to treat others following Ephesians 4:29 as a rule of life, “Say only what helps, each word a gift” (amplified version).  Our self-talk falls under that umbrella, wouldn’t you agree?

I’m with 12th grade girls twice a day at my school.  This is a very high-stress time of year.  They are applying to colleges, retaking the SATs, getting their résumés together, coming face to face with, for some, a less-than-ample harvest of time scattered or wasted over the past 4 years of high school.  Today, some were sick from pushing, pushing last week to get everything turned in at the close of the 1st marking period.  They are just as needy as I am.  We cannot do all things in our own strength.  So maybe this is why God is allowing me to continue to flail, when all along, He offers iron-clad lifelines of truth.

Thank you, Father, for directing my thoughts.  Do not leave me to my own mental gymnastics.  Make me lie down in your green pastures, lead me beside your still waters, take my hand and pull this little errant sheep back onto the path of righteousness for your Name’s sake.  Amen

Daily C-Rations and Getting the CAR in gear – a metaphor

May 31, 2011

Maria 1 John, 1 Peter, Deuteronomy, Ephesians, Guilt, John , , , , Leave a comment

I like to simplify doctrine down to mnemonic devices I can easily recall.

The other day I was thinking about what I need to remember, to feed on each morning to reorient myself for the day.  There is something perverse about a night’s sleep.  I tend to lose a correct theology somewhere in the wee hours of the night. I can go to bed being thankful to God and conscious of Him and then wake up in the morning a ‘worldling’ again, living as a functional atheist.  So each morning, I have to RECALL deliberately what is true about God and about me.

The other day, as I was walking and reflecting about how to be more automatic in God-thoughts, the picture of C-rations sprang to mind.  These days, the prepared meals for an Army in the field are called something else, but you know what I mean. I thought about how a soldier might draw his daily C-rats, enough calories and nutrition to provide him with energy for his 24 hour duty period.  Jacob prayed for spiritual C-Rats for his son Asher:

As your days — so shall your strength be.” Deuteronomy 33:26

Being consistent with Moses, I imagined what spiritual C-rations we should draw.  For fun, I came up with lots of C-words to illustrate God’s gifts.  As I ran through some of these God-given daily provisions, I was reminded of what Paul says.

The apostle emphasizes in his letter to the Ephesians that we have been given every spiritual blessing in Christ.  What are some of these daily spiritual ‘C-rats’ issued to us and available for our sustenance?   As His covenantal children, we are entitled to help ourselves to gifts such as Charity, Compassion, Courage, Character, Control over self, Companionship of Christ….you get the idea…think of your own C words.  What is key is that God provides what we will need for the trials and tasks of the day, not more, not less, but just what is necessary.  (Remember how the Hebrews tried to stash some away, “just in case”, but it rotted?)

But life is more than drawing food or getting equipped for the day.  As I was ruminating about my C-rats plan, it dawned on me that there were some daily actions I could embark on first thing in the morning and then with God’s help sustain.  I came up with three and they too begin with the letter C J.  Here’s an acronym – CAR.  C stands for CASTING all my CARES on Jesus, not only as an act of humility (so Peter exhorts us) but also so I don’t have to carry them around.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due     time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Pet 5: 6-7

If I heave them onto Jesus, He can handle them, fix them, and imbue them with grace.

The A stands for ABIDE.

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.  I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.  John 15: 4-5

Now I must admit, the How-To of abiding is a challenge.  But I heard Andrée Seu (columnist from World magazine) give a simple tip on how to abide.  She recommends thanking God as a method for keeping one’s mind on Christ.  Now that makes sense.  If all of a sudden I ‘wake up’ and realize I haven’t been abiding in Christ, I can look around and thank Him for something right at hand.

Today, I caught myself not even aware of God while on a walk with my husband.  It was Mike’s birthday AND Memorial Day, so we were out enjoying a 5-mile wooded trail.  When I startled and it dawned on me that I wasn’t abiding in (i.e. thinking about) Christ, I looked at the textured bark on the trees and thanked God for His design and creativity (another C word!)   That one observation led to other delights and all of a sudden I was abiding.  My momentary appreciation and love for God grew.

What about guilt for the hours that had passed without thinking of God?  The 3rd letter of CAR reminds us that we get to REPENT each time we catch ourselves distracted about worldly concerns with no thought toward God.  I’m so grateful for the gift of frequent repentance:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

Now applying the CAR metaphor a bit further, I imagine an engine with pistons that operates on a continuous 3 stroke cycle (we have to S-T-R-E-T-C-H the analogy a bit, I know! My husband has explained that cars have either 2 or 4 cycles).  I cast my cares on Christ, I abide in Him and when I FORGET about Him I come to my senses. Then I get to repent and thank Him for gently bringing me back to my senses. And so it goes.  The car engine won’t function unless the pistons are moving up and down.  Neither will I function well as a Christian unless I am continually Casting, Abiding, and Repenting.

So what’s the plan when you wake up tomorrow morning? We’ll draw our C-Rats for the day and put the CAR in gear.  Let me know what other C blessings make a difference in your day.

Older Entries Newer Entries