When a fellow Christian hurts you

July 14, 2013

Maria Christ's work on the Cross, Forgiveness, Grace , , , , , 4 Comments

“She’s gonna pay!”

Have you ever been THAT kind of mad at a sister/brother in Christ?  I have!

You could have caught me ‘speechless’ the other night, after reading John Piper’s daily reflection on my iphone app called “Piper Devotional” (excerpted from his book Future Grace).

What stopped me in my tracks and made me reconsider the times when I’ve been mad at others was reading Piper’s thoughts on Romans 8:1

There is, therefore, now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

What that means is that when someone else in the Church hurts me and they rightly deserve to pay for that offense, the payment has already been made – in the past – on the cross by none other than Jesus.   It HAS to be that way for them NOT to be condemned by God.  The other alternative would be for God to say, “Susie has hurt you?  Just forgive her – ‘cause she’s your sister-in- Christ.  Period!”

That, actually, would NOT be fair!  And God is the God of justice, or else he is NOT God!  Someone WILL pay or HAS paid or DOES pay.  One of the privileges of being in the King of the Universe’s family is having Big Brother Jesus cover our deliberate AND inadvertent mean or thoughtless words/ actions toward one another.  How?- in his flesh, on the cross.

When I want to make Christian sister Susie pay, I’m actually saying that I want Jesus to suffer STILL MORE for the harm done me.

Reading Piper’s piece, I actually pictured Jesus softly saying, “That’s okay, Maria, I can take it.  If that brother-in-Christ needs to pay for what he did to you, then I’ll pay for him.  Lay his iniquity on me.  I’m here to suffer the rightful punishment for what he did to you!”

In my scenario, I found myself saying almost with tears:

‘No, Lord, I don’t want You to suffer any more; I will let my brother go, I won’t hold IT against him anymore.”

Talk about injustice!  If my twisted desire, to see him or her PAY, means Jesus has to suffer more, then I don’t want that, especially not just to make me feel better.

Now THAT’s a sure, quick way to drain off self-righteous anger!

So what am I saying?  That they should get off, just because they are Christian?

–      Well, you and I have ‘gotten off’, haven’t we?

–      Are we aware of all the ways we have hurt someone else, another family member of God?

–      And what about all the many ways we have ignored God or rebelled against Him?

Jesus HAS paid it all.  And it did cost Him.

I HOPE that the next time I start to feed some righteous indignation due to wounds from a fellow member of the household of Christ that I can PICTURE Jesus asking me, “How much do you want them to squirm…however much you think they deserve, I’m ready, in their place. Your call, Maria!”    

What do you mean by ‘good’ ?

May 20, 2013

Maria Anxiety, suffering, Uncategorized , , 2 Comments

No GOOD thing does He withhold from those who walk UPRIGHTLY.  Psalm 84:11b

I’ve often volunteered that my favorite attribute of God is His sovereignty; that He is in control of everything that happens in creation.  What a lot of food for thought, this divine characteristic provides….. I continue to work out the implications of God being the controller of all that happens.

One book my friend and I studied this fall centered on the fact that we, as humans, are terrible controllers of our own lives.  The only antidote to anxiety is to hand back over to God ALL that concerns us.  HE is the happy ruler; we are miserable at TRYing to run our lives and those of others. (1 Tim 6:15… He…. is the blessed and only Sovereign, the King of kings and Lord of lords)

Now if God is controlling everything, then there are ‘no maverick molecules’, no unguided dust particles spinning haphazardly beyond the care of God. And even though this world is filled with both evil and good, we finite humans often mis-evaluate what seems evil and good to us.  Infinite God who created the universe, He alone is the ultimately arbiter and definer of good and evil.

If faith trusts and relies on God’s word as TRUE truth, then I, who have been given divine faith as a child of God CHOOSE to believe and take Him at His word. Following from that premise is this:  I WILL accept that whatever comes into my life is meant for my good, as defined by God. 

·         But what if that so-called ‘good’ contains pain and suffering? 

·         How can we call rape and cancer and earthquakes ‘good’?

·         Can we really believe a ‘loving’ God would purposefully send suffering?

These are all legitimate questions and I, limited in scope, can’t presume to understand all.  But I DO trust what God has said in His word and what He has shown me in my life and what I have learned from the lives of other Christians.

I’m not going to make a verse-by-verse defense of this view, for I believe that if we study God’s word without the presupposition of, “ My God would never….” we’ll see how God used/ allowed/ ordained what  He hates, i.e. evil. 

We find in many places verses like (paraphrase)   “You, my brothers, meant it (my sale into slavery)  for evil, but God meant it for good, that many people would be saved” Genesis 50:20

The comforting truth that softens the sting of future suffering is that God has planned plenty of grace to accompany each and every event that comes into our lives.  I call it: pre-positioned stockpiles of grace. Another way to say it is that each ‘pain’ comes ‘pre-loaded’ with grace.

Here are a couple of questions to consider:

·         Do we really think that we know what is good for us, our spouse or our children/grandchildren?

·         Haven’t you ever said something like, “Well, I would never have chosen XYZ, but I am so grateful for what I have gained/learned”?

What kinds of good could God intend from the suffering that He allows/ sends/ ordains?

Since God is the ultimate creative God, many are the possibilities.  Firstly, let’s look at God’s will for our lives:  that we be sanctified (1 Thess 4:3). It makes sense that if God wants to burn off worldly dross and fit us out to enjoy heaven with Him, that He will arrange circumstances that grow us more like Jesus.  He has to wean us off of worldly pleasures, leaving space to grow our appetites for heavenly, holy things. 

If we have been living on candy all our lives, taking our candy away will seem cruel. As a friend told my daughter-in-law who has suffered strep throat multiple times this spring:

“God loves you enough…… to work on you, to give you hard things”

Each morning and multiple times through the day when I fear those HARD THINGS, I talk to Maria and exhort myself:

·         Have faith in God’s future grace.

·         Don’t preview all the possible ‘what-ifs’!   God is your Papa.  He is taking care of that.

·         Don’t hold your breath.  BREATHE!  You don’t have to keep it all together.  You’re just a child.  That’s His job.

·         Just trust and obey.

·         He’s got it all covered and thought out.  Manna for the day.  Grace for the day.  Mercies for the day.

·         Rest in His provision. 

·         Be outward focused.  Who around you needs a hand, is discouraged?

 One last thought about God’s promise in Psalm 84:11: that last word uprightly  (Strong’s Hebrew #8549 – Tamiym) means integral/together or whole.  The parallel idea in the NT is found when Jesus teaches us to stop worrying about all the different concerns in our lives.  Remember when Jesus is teaching in the hills?  He exhorts His hearers NOT to be anxious.  ‘Anxious’ in Greek is the word merimnao (Strongs Greek 3308). Etymologically derived from merizo = “to divide;” and nous = “mind”, it pictures very scattered-brained folk.   So when we are anxious or worried, we are NOT integral, we are divided into different pieces.  We even say things like, “I was torn apart…I’m so divided…..I’m meeting myself coming and going”

God calls us to be whole, integral and upright.  And when we are, by the power of the Holy Spirit, then the promise is for us that NO GOOD THING is withheld from us. The ONLY way to be in our right mind, to be one, is to focus on Him, on the Kingdom, on our inheritance/treasure in heaven, on His promises of future grace.

Father, unless you help us, we will buzz around fragmented and frazzled.  Pull us together, give us strength to rely on You, to put all our eggs in Your basket. 

Name change

March 18, 2013

Maria 1 Timothy, 2 Timothy, Disciplines, Sanctification, Uncategorized , , , 2 Comments

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like the word DISCIPLINE. 

Let me make a distinction.  I have no problem initiating my own disciplines, which I see simply as habits to happiness.   But when DISCIPLINE arrives from outside of me, handed down and imposed, I squirm and feel guilty as though deserving of punishment.  Self-discipline sits differently. In fact, I remember a line from “Seventeen” magazine that went like this:

“(Self)-discipline is remembering what you want!”

The context spoke of how to stick to healthy eating habits and work-out routines.

But the term discipline, when spoken of in the Bible, jars me, reminding me of childhood spankings and the accompanying shame…. )

……hence my presumptuous proposal to substitute “training” for “discipline”.  Training feels more forward-looking since it often travels in company with a 3-letter pronoun, the word FOR.  As in, “I’m training for a marathon” or “I’m in training for 6 months to become a nail technician.”

Before you start criticizing my hermeneutics or saying that I’m changing the Bible to suit myself, listen to what I’m not doing…..

  • I’m neither using POOR logic as in the case of Representative Rob Portman who just this past week flip-flopped his OPINION of what the Bible says about homosexual unions.  Previously he had defended the traditional and Biblical definition of marriage.  Now he has chosen to broaden it because of his son’s circumstances.  He therefore has applied a Procrustean trick and made the Bible fit his desires:

Premise 1 – A loving God just wants us to be happy

Premise 2 – My son is happy with his gay partner

Conclusion – Therefore, a loving God must approve of my son’s pursuit of

happiness

  • Nor am I playing loosey-goosey in how I define the term ‘discipline’.  After all, the Latin root of the word discipline is discipulus which means student or follower. I’m just building on the original meaning – think the 12 disciples.

So, here is my thinking: IF God sovereignly sends/ allows…….  suffering….disappointments….frustrations, and IF God’s goal for ALL of His born-again covenant children is their sanctification or growth in holiness, and IF there is now no condemnation for those who are joined with Christ, and IF God is ‘totally for us’……then it sure makes the idea of discipline as training easier for me to swallow, accept and embrace with peace.  I can trust and flow with EVERYTHING that happens to me as part of God’s plan for my good.  Knowing that the painful stuff is not punishment, but TRAINING, meant to build my faith, increase my holiness, grow my readiness to flee to Jesus, lessen my grip on earthly pleasures and increase my satisfaction in God alone is a gift.

Remembering that scripture is the spoken (and written) WORD of God, let’s be assured by what God says through Paul in 2 Timothy 3:16-17:

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, for reproof, for    correction, and for training in righteousness, so that the man/servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for all good works.

It could be God delivered you of that rebellious streak when you were united with Christ, but I must still have it, if I’m chafing at a word usage.  If so, then I will watch and see how God changes my heart.

But in the meantime, I will submit gladly to the ‘blessed and only Controller/Sovereign’ who is King of Kings and Lord of Lords (1 Tim 6:15) in whatever He plans for me.  

Pressure guaranteed, Peace optional

March 13, 2013

Maria Job, John, Matthew, Peace, Psalm 84, Uncategorized , , , 2 Comments

“In this life you WILL have trouble,” Jesus proclaimed (Matt 16:33b)

I didn’t grow up in a biblical home.  Sure I knew that people had problems.  The quiet neighbor across the street murdered his wife.  My parents were divorced for ten years of my life. My mom had suffered a mental breakdown when she was in her 20s.  But none of that really touched me.  So when I started encountering my own personal setbacks, I reacted with genuine but predictable “That’s not fair!”

What I’ve learned since is

  • we all have problems
  • some people have it worse
  • once you get through one problem, there is always another

Anne, my daughter-in-law puts it this way when describing their current suffering:  “That’s just OUR HARD!”

This remark popped up during a discussion about another family she and toddler Noah had recently visited.  Anne and her husband Wes’ our hard is the deployment with its separation and intermittent anxiety.

Anne and I were savoring God’s promise in Psalm 84:11 to withhold NO GOOD thing from those of us who trust in Jesus’ righteousness.   Although Anne quickly asserted that she very much wants to see Wes sooner than the scheduled August return, she also doesn’t want to miss out on any of the ‘good things’ that God has planned.

What an attitude!  I love how she has captured human problems as a series of ‘our hards’.   (I have her permission to quote her!)

Not only knowing that God has good gifts stockpiled among life’s pressures, problems and pains, but the fact that our ‘lot’ is actually appointed for us is a comfort:   Look at how Job describes God’s plans in chapter 23: 10-14

But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.
11 My foot has held fast to his steps;
I have kept his way and have not turned aside.
12 I have not departed from the commandment of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food.
13 But he is unchangeable, and who can turn him back?
What he desires, that he does.
14 For he will complete what he appoints for me,
and many such things are in his mind.

Don’t think that this is just primitive man’s understanding of God.  In the New Testament, Paul affirms this very same truth – that God PLANS/PREMEDITATES/PURPOSES each individual life, packed with intentional circumstances and experiences.  We don’t and WON’T KNOW all the whys and wherefores, but we can trust Him.  Over and over in Scripture, we read of God’s mercy, loving kindness and compassion that go together with His sovereign control and sustaining of all.

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.  (1 Cor 7:17)

**

You say, : “Okay, so it’s a fact that life is hard and that these situations are planned for us by God.   Du-uh!  All one has to do is open his eyes and see the suffering. Where’s the good news in that?”

It’s coming!  Bear with me a moment……

God HAS promised to give us peace, but it is conditional.  We’ve got to do something.  Let’s look at another gospel where Jesus talks about trials.  In John 16:33 He says:

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

What do we have to do to get that peace?   One action, based on knowledge:

We are called to take heart, to encourage ourselves. How?  By knowing who Jesus is and who we are if we are united to Him.   Jesus tells us that if HE has rescued, redeemed and brought us into His Kingdom as His subject/family member/ steward/ ambassador/ soldier, then we have EVERYTHING we need to live on Earth and grow more holy.

(2 Peter 1:2-3) Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

Here’s another promise that can give us peace IF we soak it into our pores:

All things, all the our hards work TOGETHER (that’s divine coordination) for our GOOD, for us who belong to His forever family who are purposed by Him to love Him.

(my paraphrase of Romans 8:28)

So God equips His people and promises that the fact that Jesus has overcome the world makes the difference in our suffering.  The resurrection is how Jesus has overcome the world.  And if we are unified with Jesus, then we ultimate overcome our suffering instead of being overcome.  Being in Christ means we have access to supernatural power and wisdom.

Now all this valley-slogging, these our hards are definitely painful.  No denying that. But somehow knowing that……..

-they are planned

-for my good

-and are meant for me to face and walk through equipped with Jesus’ presence and tools

….makes the difference.  As John Piper says, “Let’s not waste our suffering!”

So what is your OUR HARD and how are you blessed?

 

Letter to a dying acquaintance

December 10, 2012

Maria Colossians, Hebrews, Luke, suffering, Uncategorized , , Leave a comment

Lost Sheep

Dear X

Y told me that you’ve received a really hard diagnosis: gut-wrenching news about cancer. I am so sorry to learn this and can’t even imagine what thoughts and emotions you & your husband must be dealing with!

I want to share with you a perspective about the goodness of God in the midst of extreme suffering.  I have no idea where you are spiritually.  But I would want to be reassured of God’s love during a time like this, if I were walking through a dark valley.

Nothing comes as a surprise to God because he is in charge.  And nothing happens that is not filtered through his loving hands. Don’t fear; you won’t say anything to him that will shock or hurt him or cause him to love you less. He has known about this cancer.  He is with you in every breath you take and during every doctor’s visit.  He is helping you in this transition.

When I am struggling, I often remind myself of the truth that Jesus sustains everything by the power of his word – Hebrews 1:3 (or by his powerful word, as some translations say) or in Colossians, Paul says about Jesus, “He existed before anything else, and he holds all creation together. I literally will say, “thank you Lord, that you are sustaining me by the power of your word!”

So how do we know that God loves you and me? We know about God from both what is written about him, the record of his thoughts and actions in the Old Testament and also the accounts of the actions and words of God in the flesh, Jesus.  The God-man came to save us from ourselves. We NEED saving, because we’ve all gone astray and are confused like the lost sheep he calls us. He tenderly leads us.

Here’s what Luke recounts in his 9th chapter, verses 4-6

What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it? 5 And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!’

Ann – it’s NEVER too late, as long as there is breath in you, to turn to Jesus for help, for strength and even for salvation.  He doesn’t hold anything against the one who seeks him, no matter his or her past.

If you are already a Christ – follower, then I would encourage you to think about heaven and talk about it with your husband.  If he is a Christian too, then he knows he’ll see you again!

For the believer, all that is mortal is being swallowed up by life. We will live forever with Jesus. In new bodies, to boot!  The proof that we will get new bodies (different, but recognizable by others) is seen in the fact that Jesus DID come back after being resurrected. He walked, talked and ate with his disciples for several weeks.  They touched his physical, resurrected body.

This fact of his being resurrected represents God the Father saying to the Jews who had him crucified, ‘You all were wrong in thinking Jesus was blaspheming when he claimed to be one with me.  Everything he said was true.  His resurrection is my verdict of “NOT GUILTY”.’

As I close, I want you to know what I like about God, what gives me comfort and I hope will comfort you, too.

God, because it’s his nature, his character, showers us with

  • loving-kindness
  • mercy
  • faith (a gift)
  • fair and righteous decisions
  • truth

All his decisions are perfect.  We might not see or understand everything right now, but he does work out all things for the good of those whom he loves and who love him.

Please know that I am praying for you and your husband daily.  If you would care to talk more, have your husband call me.  I’d be happy to come visit  during the Christmas holidays.

Praying that you know the true peace of God that is beyond earthly understanding.

 

 

What are we teaching our kids?!

November 16, 2011

Maria Hebrews, John , 2 Comments

“Contrary to what might be expected, I look back on experiences that at the time seemed especially desolating and painful with particular satisfaction. Indeed, I can say with complete truthfulness that everything I have learned in my 75 years in this world, everything that has truly enhanced and enlightened my experience, has been through affliction and not through happiness.” ~Malcolm Muggeridge, in Homemade, July, 1990

 

A good friend of mine, who happens to be my daughter-in-law, mentioned that she is learning that life is hard, marriage is hard and parenting is hard.  Her comments, which definitely resonated with me, caused me to think back to how I was raised.  Since neither of my parents was Christian (although my mom became a believer when I was 16) I grew up without any biblical influence.  Two values, however, were taught:  ‘hard work toward a goal brings rewards most of the time’ and ‘good girls don’t’. How’s that for wisdom!  What was NOT taught: ‘Life’s norm is pain, suffering and hard times, punctuated by joy and delight’.  I learned that gradually.

Why do parents keep Truth from children? After all, the Fall is a fact and Jesus himself suffered.  He taught his followers the folly of thinking their lot would differ from their master’s.

John 15: 20 – “Remember what I told you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also”.

Hebrews 2:18 – “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”

  Have parents grown hyper-protective in recent generations? Have they thought shielding their offspring from pain and danger via staged, enriching experiences and tech toys a better way to equip their kids for life? Or what about the limitless choices we hold out to our young people, tempting them with the illusion of scripting and controlling their destiny?  My juniors and seniors at school are overwhelmed with the idea that they could potentially apply to hundreds of colleges.  What if……? How do I find the RIGHT school that will….?

This parental approach to life is not taught in the Bible. In fact, it is assumed that parents will use wisdom to instruct their children.  Peter is blunt as recorded in 1 Pet 4:12-13:

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

His words point to suffering as part of the warp and woof of life.  Wouldn’t we be helping our children to teach them this reality early on?  No one chooses to suffer, but suffering is part of life.  Maybe this generation would not flee the church if authentic living were modeled.  Instead of shielding kids from disappointment and pain, we could face and work through our own suffering with transparency.  We could then stand with them as they go through their own hurts as youth. 

We could remind them of Jesus, recalling that Jesus chose a course of action that led him through MORE suffering than they or we will ever face.  Of course, Jesus was not a sucker for pain: He had a definite outcome in mind, one that would make the pain worth it. 

Hebrews 12:2 – For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

What was this joy that caused him to face cosmic torture?   Us!!!  To purchase our freedom, He faced the cross.  Two take-aways:

–      We won’t ever suffer as much as Jesus

–      He consider us worth suffering for

So as the French say, ‘Bon courage’!

 

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