How to help a friend ‘enchained’

June 20, 2024

Maria Community, Encouragement, Forgiveness, Guilt, Prayer, Uncategorized , , , , 3 Comments

On the day I called, You answered me; You made me bold with strength in my soul. Psalm 138:3 NASB

When was the last time you were so tied up in a repeating pattern that you couldn’t think straight, let alone pray for yourself?

We all fall prey to Satan’s relentless and ‘moment-by-moment, relentless tactics to distract us, discourage us, divide us from others and disable us from experiencing everything that is rightfully ours as adopted members of God’s family’ (adapted from Priscilla Shirer’s study, The Armor of God).

Right now, I have 5 very close friends who are stuck in their muck, like we all get from time to time. Each needs to be reminded of God’s love for him or her:

  • One is preoccupied with guilt over how she mothered poorly
  • Another can’t stop questioning whether he really is a Christian
  • One is afraid to pray for a particular dream, yet he faithfully lifts up so the desires and needs of many others
  • Then there is a dear woman who can’t stop worrying about two emotionally-needy grandchildren.
  • Finally, one finds herself driven to the point of exhaustion as she goes about helping the endless swarm of hurting people in her path.

When we’re locked up, like my friends, we often feel helpless to think straight or pray our way out. Satan preoccupies us to distraction.  That’s why we so desperately need Christian community to help us see clearly.

How do we as brothers and sisters help?

First, we listen with empathy. We enter into their pain so they know they are not alone. Coming alongside and ‘naming’ what they are experiencing spreads healing balm.

Then we pray for them, out loud, right then and there. And we assure them of our continual prayers. We commit to check on them.

Next, if we sense from the Holy Spirit that they are ready, we encourage them to take one tiny step forward. We might ask them to think of something they could do. If they can’t, we might gently suggest a ‘baby step’.

For example, my friend who believes she’s ruined her adult son’s life. Statistically speaking, I think she’s awash in unnecessary guilt. (What mom EVER thinks she did a good job? To some degree we all damaged our kids. Afterall, we ourselves are broken!)

I could be wrong about my friend. So, if there is some legitimate harm she thinks she did, maybe she could write her grown son a letter. Ask him for his forgiveness. It IS possible that he doesn’t recall what lays so heavy on her heart.

If there is nothing, or nothing else, then, she has to leave ‘it’ with the Lord and move on.

Let’s always remind others of the Father’s love for them, that our God IS willing to forgive all. He IS eager and ready to pardon us.

Finally, we help them to call out to the Lord themselves. We might coach them with something like:

Father, help me this day to remember that:

  • you have forgiven me for what I did wrong or failed to do
  • your word assures me that I am yours by faith
  • you invite me to hand over all my worries as well as my desires and dreams for myself and others
  • you haven’t called me to meet all the needs of people I encounter

Holy God, may we and our friends keep in mind that you never created us to be alone or be enough. You formed us to need and depend on you, to stay connected to you by faith in Christ. And you gave us brothers and sisters to help us.  May we embrace our childlikeness, relax and enjoy you as loving and good Father. Amen

A bit of vulnerability

April 1, 2021

Maria Acts 20, Hebrews 13, Holiness, Sanctification, Selfishness, Sin , , , , , 1 Comment

Our Father is a very personal parent.  He treats each of us differently, according to what we need. In His holy judgment obviously. I like to think of His discipleship training course as an IEP, an individual education plan, in ‘educator speak’. 

This week has been no exception to tailor-made lessons for Maria.  Painful ones, yes, but kind.

**

May the God of peace…(be) working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ….Hebrews 13:21 ESV

I woke up feeling blah today. Usually cheery, I checked the usual suspects (sleep, pain, problems).  Fact is, I didn’t sleep well and my body feels off. But the REAL issue is that my heart is cold.

Two days ago, I read an email from a ministry we support. Once a year, they launch a focused prayer season.  I didn’t print out the attached guide.  It just felt too much, to add something else to pray for every day.

Then yesterday, our pastor sent out his weekly email detailing the upcoming Sunday. This year, 2021, we’re back worshipping in person. And two other services are planned for Passion Week.  My reaction?  Not interested.

Now THAT is the real reason for ‘the blahs’.  God made me look fully into a picture of my unholiness, my sin.

But, God prompted a friend…..who just ‘happened’ to send the above verse. Firmly nudged by the Spirit, I made a ‘deal’ with God. “If that Good Friday service is during the day, I’ll go!”

I checked the email. Sure enough, it’s scheduled for noon.

*****

He Himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35 NASB

God’s timing, as always, was impeccable. I listened to an interview with a Christian comedian while cleaning yesterday. He described how his comedy improved once he changed the question (and purpose) from ‘How can I get people to laugh?’  to ‘How can I give people what they need?’

This morning I felt hurt when Anne texted, cancelling Spanish class for Noah because of her surgical appointment.  I have been longing for more contact with her.  So, not even knowing that she had scheduled a procedure stung.

I sat quietly with God, journal open.  Providentially, I had been on the cusp of writing down that comedian’s advice.  By grace, the Holy Spirit prompted me to ask, “What can I give Anne right now in this relationship?” Then I knew!  I can write her a newsy, encouraging card.

Immediately, I felt happy, hurt feelings dissolved. I had let go of “I’m not getting what I want” to something better and more freeing.

And you know what?  About an hour after I experienced the bigger blessing of looking at how I could serve this dear gal, she texted and suggested we face time tomorrow. A sweet smile from my Father.