What is mine and yours to manage?

June 24, 2023

Maria Freedom, Galatians 5, Peace, Romans 12 , , 3 Comments

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Romans 12:18 ESV

I don’t know what prompted me, but when I was sixteen, I started to work at engaging my dad in conversations that would set him to talking with me. I interpreted his animation over the topic to be evidence that he enjoyed me, that he found me interesting. That felt good.

Monday through Friday during the school year, Pop would pour himself some Frosted Flakes, coffee and orange juice.  I would join him at the little breakfast table in the kitchen with my Shredded Wheat or Grape Nuts cereal.  He probably would have been content to eat in silence, but I interpreted the lack of conversation to be his disinterest in me.  So, I sought questions to draw him out.

Practicing this conversational skill over our morning cereal before we both set out for the day, set me on a fifty-year trajectory of obsessive efforts to manipulate others. I invested energy and thought in ‘managing’ family relationships in ways that I self-centeredly deemed ‘best’. I carried this self-imposed burden, oblivious to the damage it was doing in and to me. But at a deep level, I knew this was not healthy.

Good therapists, and Jesus is the best, teach us to focus our energy on our own responses, not those of others. For one, we can’t control how others react.  It follows logically, that we shouldn’t try to manage others. Not only is it futile, but I know others find it annoying. Instead, we are to work on our own thoughts, feelings and actions. There’s plenty there to last until Jesus heals us for good.

Do you recall Peter’s post-resurrection conversation with Jesus?  Picture their early morning breakfast chat along the shore.  Jesus is outlining Peter’s new leadership assignment when the apostle shifts his attention, looks at John and says, “What about him?”  Jesus tells him basically, ‘it’s none of your business what I am calling him to do! You focus your assignment, Peter. That’s more than enough for you!’

Look again at Paul’s command to Roman Christians about living peaceably. To influence what people might think or feel is not our responsibility. Paul clearly teaches that ‘as far as it depends on you and me, if WE find it possible’, we are to live and be at peace with all.  In ordinary daily life among neighbors, family, colleagues, friends, God has NOT called us to be peace manager or peacekeepers.

Seeing this truth has stunned me. As I approach turning 66 next month, I thank Jesus for living and dying for me.  I want to live out this reality, that:

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Galatians 5:1 NIV

A dangerous question

October 12, 2014

Maria 1 Thessalonians, Disciplines, Genesis, Husbands, Idols, Philippians, Psalm 32 , , , , 4 Comments

“Mike, what would you say is my most precious, cherished sin?”

It took him a moment.  Not to think of the sin, but to be sure I was serious about asking for that level of honesty.

The answer didn’t surprise me, but it still produced an ‘Ouch!’ because it rolled so easily off his tongue:

  • Your obsessive routines of eating, exercise, sleep and reading!

Let me set the scene, so you can see WHY this is such a squirm-producing topic.

My friend Regina gifted me with a weighty tome by puritan William Gurnall  – Here’s the link on Amazon

William Gurnall's book

 

 

 

 

Gurnall wastes no time in getting down to business.  He reminds his readers of Abraham’s ‘Let’s get real about whom and what you love most’ test administered by God as recorded in Genesis 22:2 –

  • Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”

Gurnall modified it to fit us!

  • Then God said, “Take your favorite sin, your most cherished sin, which you love  – X – and sacrifice it on the altar”

I’m aware of how often I sin, but to identify my FAVORITE sin, my go-to sin was hard.  So I asked the person who knows me best.

So there I was, face to face with THE QUESTION:

  •  Do I WANT to give up my routines that bring me such comfort?

Immediately the voice offered some reasonable words…

  • “Eating healthy, sleeping enough, exercising daily, READING….those are all good things!  Don’t be extreme”

The problem was, that wasn’t God’s voice.

Isaac bound on the altar

I read on in Gurnall.  In the very next paragraph he warned me that unlike Isaac who did NOT resist his dad’s securing him to the altar, OUR sacrifices will tend to crawl off the altar.

Satan facilitates the escape of the victim with a one-two soft punch:

  • What you do is not THAT bad…!

and the 2nd blow is….

  • Don’t rush or be too hasty.  Wait awhile.  Maybe you heard wrong.  Maybe your husband is just jealous of your self-discipline!

I talked this subject of idols over with one of my sons and his wife who is a true Christian sister to me. What we came away with was that prioritization is key.

  • Yes, it so happens that my habits of choice are healthy ones
  • But they can also become cherished control mechanisms for my ‘happy’ life now
  • It’s not an either/or situation that requires me to jettison them, but something easier to see but challenging to implement.

Jesus boiled down the Law to the 2-dimensional Law of Love

Love God, Love People

When my food, exercise, sleep and reading habits DON’T take away from concretely loving God and loving others, I can pursue them.  But loving God comes first and loving people is a way of loving God.

 

Practically it looks like this (I think!):

Priorities:

#1 – first part of my day I spend in Bible reading, prayer and medication on God’s truth – to get myself happy in God, which is my duty

  • Ps 32:11 – Be glad in the Lord and rejoice….
  • 1 Thess 5:16 – Rejoice always…
  • Phil 4:4 – Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice!

#2 – whenever a person comes into my presence or NEEDS to be in my presence, spend time with her or him as appropriate (yes, we all have work to do, but work can become an idol as well!)  For me…..

  • that means remembering that my husband is my covenant partner AND BEST FRIEND
  • that means phone calls to family and close friends are more important than reading
  • that means that neighbors, students, colleagues and people along my daily path at the grocery store, in line at the PO at coffee hour at church are more important than reading something on my iPhone

The leftover time is what I get to invest in God-honoring ways.  If I choose to spend that time cooking or reading or walking or browsing Twitter and Instagram, I am free to do so.

 

Question:  Whom would you ask to help you see your most cherished sin?  And how painful would it be to keep sacrificing it in order to make room for more of God?  If this Gurnall book blasts away within the first 5 pages, I wonder what else is in store for me!

I’ll keep you posted.