Plagued and assaulted by diabolical thoughts

October 29, 2012

Maria Hebrews, Uncategorized , , , , , , 5 Comments

Bless Charles Spurgeon!  I am so thankful for this 19th century preacher.  Trolling a collection of sermons regarding spiritual warfare landed this life-saving thought: the Devil plants destructive ideas like rat-traps, ready to snap shut and hold us captive.

For years since the age of 16, I have been prisoner to a cruel master and regularly beaten up & battered with the idea that my worth and significance come from weighing 125 pounds. When I started to gain weight, I then fell prey to the self-salvation trap of bulimia.

Long story short, God rescued me from the pit of this eating disorder, but I have still been tethered to the harmful idea of “Weighing X=good day  v. Weighing non-X = bad day”.

God has lovingly allowed/ sent/ willed/ gifted me with this trial and I am beginning to bless Him and thank Him for it.  Yes, many tears, struggles and much depression have resulted from it, but also immeasurable insight into the incomparable worth of Jesus has also ensued.

What I read Sunday in one of Spurgeon’s sermons was that our peace with God can often be disturbed by a tempting thought from Satan.

“That’s it! These are not MY thoughts and THUS TRUE. When I get on the scales in the morning, see a number and then conclude/ think __________(whatever), that is NOT MY THOUGHT, but a temptation meant to sabotage my peace.  It’s a landmine straight from the pit of Hell, ready to destroy my day, my peace, my gladness!”

All of a sudden, power and strength flowed into me.  I suddenly felt FREE.  I had been given a weapon to fight back.

**

One of the verses that I meditate on each morning is Hebrews 13:5:

Be free from the love of X (money, comfort, enough personal time, rest, weighing ___) and be CONTENT with your circumstances for God has said, ‘I will never abandon you, forsake you or leave you without support’ Therefore, we say with confidence, the Lord is our Helper. We will not fear.  What can anyone do to us!!?’

The Greek word for Content (ar-ke-o/714) has the sense of SELF-barriers; that is of raised walls, erected to guard one’s thought-life, to prevent and block assaulting lies lobbed into our conscious and sub-conscious from the enemy.

This view, that an idea or thought might not be true, that it might not be mine, because it comes from Satan is freeing me to hold on to my peace with God.

That thought -coupled with the truth that all that happens to me is sent by my happy and blessed Father for my good – is like healthy leaven beginning to work its bubbly way through my thought life.  Everything I read seems to reinforce this remedy for anxiety/unsettledness.  As I practice resting and acquiescing to life’s circumstances, seeing that they come from God, I am beginning to want to guard this peace with ever increasing jealously.

I read last night that one of the Puritan fathers purposely began his day reviewing this happy gospel fact, designed to make him want to rejoice in Christ:

  • that he had been granted the joy-filled freedom of a little boy content to play in safety
  • because our great Savior Jesus had resolutely stood His ground, enduring the cross, ‘playing the man’ aka displaying immense courage and love
  • absorbing and soaking up all of God’s wrath –  rightly meant for us – but deflected on purpose to His beloved son
  • as just punishment for all OUR sins
  • thereby leaving us, God’s happy chosen children to live and serve in safety
  • basking in the Father’s love

May we begin our days with THOSE heaven-sent thoughts and reject unholy hand grenades meant to destroy us.

One Word

November 10, 2011

Maria John , , , 2 Comments

I heard a woman assert that Christianity was not just about what the Bible says but living your life ‘christianly’.  I’m not sure what she means, but one thing I can conclude is that most people don’t know what Christianity is all about.

A recurring theme in our discussions and study at home is the idea of Done v. Do.  My husband and I are grateful and energized by this distinction.

The Gospel is good news about what God did to rescue condemned sinners. Therefore, if I had to boil down all the teachings of the Bible to just one word, it would be Substitution.

Jesus resolutely swapped places with condemned, rebellious men, women and children and was executed for our cosmic crimes against the Holy Creator and God.   He lovingly drank every drop of God’s justifiable wrath stored up for us and endured total (albeit temporary) separation from the God-head.  In turn, we received credit for His 100 % righteous behavior and fulfillment of God’s law so we can have peace with God.

Two –way substitution qualified us to be adopted and included in an eternal inheritance.  Nothing remains to be done!

Yet this seems too good to be true.  Therefore, churches continue to preach Do…Do…Do!

Well, aren’t we SUPPOSED to do something?  The question evidences our natural default.  Just like when we were teens and wondering about sexual limits, we long to know what we have to do.

Even Jesus’ followers pinned Him down by asking, “Then they said to him, “What must we do, to be doing the works of God” Jesus answered, “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.”  (John 6:28-29)

Correct knowledge is what counts.  We need to hear the Good News every day.  Only when we do, will we find ourselves being energized and swept up in the amazing joy of our rescue.  Out of that will flow worship/service.  When Jesus brought Lazarus back to life and Mary KNEW the power and truth of God, she joyfully worshipped and served the Savior by lavishing her 401k plan on Jesus’ feet (aka – the jar of perfume – thank you John Piper for your exposition in your 11/6/2011 sermon).

A young friend of ours was lamenting the lack of passion and fervor in his Sunday School class (young parents in their 20s).  Maybe it’s not their fault! I think they are just exhausted from growing up as 2nd and perhaps 3rd generational Christians, raised in an evangelical Christian community that batters them week after week with guilt-laden exhortations to do more.   No wonder they seem apathetic.  Only the Gospel will energize them.

And to assume that they know the Gospel and don’t need to hear it repeatedly in different ways is just as wicked as that husband.  You know the one I mean, the one who can’t be bothered to tell his wife daily in new & creative ways how much he loves her.  Instead he sputters defensively, “My wife already KNOWS I love her. I told her when we were dating.  After all, I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t love her.”

About Trials – Letter to a Friend

September 24, 2011

Maria Fear, Idols, Isaiah , 4 Comments

My Dear Friend

I, Maria, a fellow believer, called by Christ to be an ambassador and servant of the New Covenant, write this letter to encourage you and offer a perspective about the trial you are undergoing.  I have prayed for you for years.  Usually I have begged God to remove the trial.  But just this week, I have heard a different message about trials and now want to pass this on to you.  It is shaping how I am praying for you.

First I read J.I. Packer discuss trials in the context of the sanctification process. Trials are not to be feared, because we have the assurance that we are well loved since we have been adopted and given the full status and benefits accompanying son-ship.  Our status is not in question when we are tried, tested and undergo rigorous lessons in the Spirit-led school house. Rather, trials are the means by which our characters are transformed to be more like our older brother.  Packer writes, “God wants his children, whom he loves, to bear his character, and he takes action accordingly.”

Next I heard Mark Dever admit that he was a weak and immature pastor in the way he has prayed for his parishioners in the past.  Now instead of just asking God to remove trials, he focuses more on the gains to them from this time in the furnace.  He still prays for release from disease, joblessness, relationship pain but also prays for much more.  He sees the positive purpose of trials. (This way of praying reminds me of John Piper praying that his cancer NOT be wasted).

Finally, I was listening to Joni Erikson Tada’s musings about rose petals.  When crushed between two fingers, they release sweet fragrances.  She was mentioning this in the context of battling a recent lung infection on top of her quadriplegia and breast cancer.  She was attempting to deal rightly with suffering upon suffering in a way that was biblical.  She admitted that she doesn’t understand the ‘whys and wherefores’ of all of her struggles and medical setbacks, but fights to trust the one through whose hands all things come filtered for our good and His glory.

So dear friend, please know that I continue to pray night and day for you that:

  • God would comfort you and be with you through this suffering he has chosen for you
  • This trial would remove all idols from your life, those things which we love and ‘have to have’ more than God
  • That you would embrace it and go through the Valley without fear, knowing that Jesus is with you
  • That you would KNOW without a doubt that what God has given you already IS ENOUGH (a restored relationship with Him and real hope for uninterrupted life and future glory)

You might react with scorn:, “Easy enough for you to say, Maria!  What you call this short and fleeting life feels oppressive and I’m tired.  I just want to lie down and be done with the suffering.”   But remember something, dear one.  Since I love and care for you, I suffer too.  Love always bears the pain of the other.  So to you and to me I say,  let us “Take courage, fear not, behold our God!”   (Is 35:4)  And in beholding, may we become like Him.

Overwhelmed…again!

August 27, 2011

Maria 1 Samuel , , , 2 Comments

Anxiety, my old friend!

No….I want new companions. I’m sick and tired of flirting with dysfunctional thinking.  Isn’t that what ‘renewing our minds’ is all about?  Aren’t we new creations?  Where’s that daily bread of “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me!”?

Welcome back to the first week of school. I was excited all summer, riding the crest of free time and still basking in the completion of a surprising good year.

Yet here I am again, at the start of my 20th year of teaching French, fighting feelings of inadequacy.  I don’t understand.  I can only chalk it up to God’s decision that for this stage of sanctification, I still need to remember every 15 minutes that He is my only source of confidence.  But I would like to FEEL competent. I would like to know that I can do this French-teacher thing.

If you know me via this blog or in person, you know that I teach French via a method that is intuitive, creative, student-affirming and effective (TPRS™ – Teaching Proficiency through Reading and Storytelling). But it’s hard!  No hiding behind a text book or worksheets.  I compare it to being a stand-up comedienne who depends on a good audience to feed her energy and material in such a way that a symbiotic relationship develops that is satisfying to all.  When it’s good, it’s very, very good.  But when there is no energy in the room, or when I, the comedienne/teacher don’t read the students well and go too fast or jump around, it’s discouraging to me (and probably confusing to them!)

I take their learning and progress, their enjoyment and confidence very personally because I am always comparing myself to the ‘experts’ in my field. These are the ones I watch at conferences and those whose advice and experiences I read daily.

Okay, enough of my professional woes.  I want to share with you how I am talking to myself.  The Bible gives us the example of David, “…who encouraged himself in the Lord” – 1 Sam 30:6.  What a great line. While living in Ziklag, an outpost in the boondocks, with his band of men and their families the Amalekites had attacked.  Women, children and livestock were carted away while David and his men were serving with the Philistines.  We learn of David’s reaction as he and the men discover the sacking of their families.

How dire was David’s situation?  Very! Not only had his wives and kids been kidnapped by the nasty Amalekites, his men turned to stone him, their leader. It was he they blamed.   David’s faith is tested and his reaction is amazing!  Faith is vindicated.  His reaction is worthy of emulating.  No time for a pity-party.

Yet I do believe that David was no Pollyanna.  If he ‘encouraged’ himself, that is because he was fighting internal discouragement and fear, just like we do.

Life is challenging and overwhelming at times. We get down, but we are not meant to stay there!  What we say to ourselves can really make a difference.

Last Sunday, our pastor was talking about the joy of an assurance of faith and of belonging to Christ.  This is our birth-right as born-again, regenerated children of God.  But we have to rehearse to ourselves the truth of the blessings that come with this new life in Christ. (As one of my students taught me in Latin, repetitio est mater studiorum – thank you Carter Moonis!)

What is our birthright as believers?  These 3 gifts:

  • ·         Forgiveness of our sins.  This is HUGE.  We are born into a world where the wrath of God is on us from the beginning.  Without Christ’s work on the cross, we would have to face God in our sins.  (if you don’t think your sins are bad, try ‘rebellion’ on for size – that heads the list)
  • ·         An assured future with Jesus: We were created to enjoy glorifying God.  Doing so forever will be unbelievably satisfying. (Collect the best moments of your life and multiply them by some gigantic mathematical number)
  • ·         Understanding the big picture:  Call this worldview or the meaning of life.  It’s about understanding and knowing why we were born and our life’s purpose. As Christians, we are equipped with an explanation for suffering (the fall and resulting sin).  But we are equally blessed, living with the assurance that there WILL BE ultimate justice, that all wrongs will be righted in the end.  (Spoiler alert – read the Book of Revelation)

Sooo?  How does that help with our anxieties today?    How does remembering our birthright make a difference in the gritty trenches? Maybe it’s just about relaxing, continually talking to God and giving things over to Him as we do our daily work with the strength and wisdom He provides.  In, around and through that work, we are to practice contentment with His gifts and love others to the best of ability.

And my French classes?  Well, I have to remember that I’ve gotten into the groove in the past; most likely I will again this year.  And before I know it, I will be blogging in May about what a great year I had.  But you can still pray for me!

 

Following my own advice when discouraged

November 16, 2010

Maria 1 Thessalonians, Attitude, Faith , , Leave a comment

Rejoice always, pray continuously and in everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for Christ. 1 Thess 5:16-18

“What’s good for the goose is good for the gander”, so goes the folk wisdom. Only in my case, what I’m preaching to my gander, I need to follow myself.

My beloved is depressed due to a job he can’t stand and much uncertainty surrounding it.  He feels stuck because he needs to endure 3 more years in this job to qualify for a small pension from the government.  His body reacts with physical symptoms due to his dark gray feelings. His body’s response deepens his depression.  It feels like a vicious circle.

I spend time searching scripture to encourage him with God’s word.  Verses like:

  • Ascribe to the Lord power and strength  (i.e. don’t build up the circumstances and make them seem insurmountable)  (Ps 68:34)
  • But as for me, I will look to the Lord and confident in Him I will keep watch; I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me! (Micah 7:7)
  • Though the fig tree does not blossom….. (my version – though life is REALLY HARD right now)….yet will I rejoice in the Lord.  (Hab 3: 17….19)
  • As a man thinks in his heart, so he becomes (Prov 23:7)
  • I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me (Phil 4:19)
  • I pray that the eyes of Mike’s heart may be enlightened in order that he may know …….. his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength 20 he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead. (Eph 1: 18-19)

But when my husband doesn’t respond to my encouragement, I can fall into feeling down too!

But wait a second!  I’m being two-faced then.  Who am I to succumb to my feelings?  If I am called to be my husband’s Ezer, his companion to help him, then God has equipped me.   I don’t have to battle his depression on my own!  I don’t have to let it bring me down.

If I’m encouraging Mike to change his self-talk, then I need to listen to my own advice.  I need to talk to myself, tell myself Truth from God’s word and not listen to my feelings which are based on incomplete knowledge.  I need to rejoice that God has given me the power to encourage Mike.  Paraphrasing Paul in 1 Cor. 15 “I worked hard…yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me!”  When I feel weak like I can’t summon up any more encouragement for Mike, I MUST tell myself the truth. I don’t have to succumb to discouragement.   Yes there is trouble in life, but Christ is with me to fight on.  I might not sense that I have the resources or energy to be an encouragement tonight, but I CAN trust God that He will provide manna for the evening, not now, but IN THE MOMENT.  “As is my day, so too is the STRENGTH, the REST and the SECURITY that God provides” (Deut 33:25) I can count on Him to provide manna in the moment.

Putting on my belt of truth and lifting up my shield of faith in Christ to ward off the fears and doubts with which the enemy so delights in barraging me.

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