Name change

March 18, 2013

Maria 1 Timothy, 2 Timothy, Disciplines, Sanctification, Uncategorized , , , 2 Comments

I don’t know about you, but I don’t like the word DISCIPLINE. 

Let me make a distinction.  I have no problem initiating my own disciplines, which I see simply as habits to happiness.   But when DISCIPLINE arrives from outside of me, handed down and imposed, I squirm and feel guilty as though deserving of punishment.  Self-discipline sits differently. In fact, I remember a line from “Seventeen” magazine that went like this:

“(Self)-discipline is remembering what you want!”

The context spoke of how to stick to healthy eating habits and work-out routines.

But the term discipline, when spoken of in the Bible, jars me, reminding me of childhood spankings and the accompanying shame…. )

……hence my presumptuous proposal to substitute “training” for “discipline”.  Training feels more forward-looking since it often travels in company with a 3-letter pronoun, the word FOR.  As in, “I’m training for a marathon” or “I’m in training for 6 months to become a nail technician.”

Before you start criticizing my hermeneutics or saying that I’m changing the Bible to suit myself, listen to what I’m not doing…..

  • I’m neither using POOR logic as in the case of Representative Rob Portman who just this past week flip-flopped his OPINION of what the Bible says about homosexual unions.  Previously he had defended the traditional and Biblical definition of marriage.  Now he has chosen to broaden it because of his son’s circumstances.  He therefore has applied a Procrustean trick and made the Bible fit his desires:

Premise 1 – A loving God just wants us to be happy

Premise 2 – My son is happy with his gay partner

Conclusion – Therefore, a loving God must approve of my son’s pursuit of

happiness

  • Nor am I playing loosey-goosey in how I define the term ‘discipline’.  After all, the Latin root of the word discipline is discipulus which means student or follower. I’m just building on the original meaning – think the 12 disciples.

So, here is my thinking: IF God sovereignly sends/ allows…….  suffering….disappointments….frustrations, and IF God’s goal for ALL of His born-again covenant children is their sanctification or growth in holiness, and IF there is now no condemnation for those who are joined with Christ, and IF God is ‘totally for us’……then it sure makes the idea of discipline as training easier for me to swallow, accept and embrace with peace.  I can trust and flow with EVERYTHING that happens to me as part of God’s plan for my good.  Knowing that the painful stuff is not punishment, but TRAINING, meant to build my faith, increase my holiness, grow my readiness to flee to Jesus, lessen my grip on earthly pleasures and increase my satisfaction in God alone is a gift.

Remembering that scripture is the spoken (and written) WORD of God, let’s be assured by what God says through Paul in 2 Timothy 3:16-17:

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, for reproof, for    correction, and for training in righteousness, so that the man/servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for all good works.

It could be God delivered you of that rebellious streak when you were united with Christ, but I must still have it, if I’m chafing at a word usage.  If so, then I will watch and see how God changes my heart.

But in the meantime, I will submit gladly to the ‘blessed and only Controller/Sovereign’ who is King of Kings and Lord of Lords (1 Tim 6:15) in whatever He plans for me.  

Pressure guaranteed, Peace optional

March 13, 2013

Maria Job, John, Matthew, Peace, Psalm 84, Uncategorized , , , 2 Comments

“In this life you WILL have trouble,” Jesus proclaimed (Matt 16:33b)

I didn’t grow up in a biblical home.  Sure I knew that people had problems.  The quiet neighbor across the street murdered his wife.  My parents were divorced for ten years of my life. My mom had suffered a mental breakdown when she was in her 20s.  But none of that really touched me.  So when I started encountering my own personal setbacks, I reacted with genuine but predictable “That’s not fair!”

What I’ve learned since is

  • we all have problems
  • some people have it worse
  • once you get through one problem, there is always another

Anne, my daughter-in-law puts it this way when describing their current suffering:  “That’s just OUR HARD!”

This remark popped up during a discussion about another family she and toddler Noah had recently visited.  Anne and her husband Wes’ our hard is the deployment with its separation and intermittent anxiety.

Anne and I were savoring God’s promise in Psalm 84:11 to withhold NO GOOD thing from those of us who trust in Jesus’ righteousness.   Although Anne quickly asserted that she very much wants to see Wes sooner than the scheduled August return, she also doesn’t want to miss out on any of the ‘good things’ that God has planned.

What an attitude!  I love how she has captured human problems as a series of ‘our hards’.   (I have her permission to quote her!)

Not only knowing that God has good gifts stockpiled among life’s pressures, problems and pains, but the fact that our ‘lot’ is actually appointed for us is a comfort:   Look at how Job describes God’s plans in chapter 23: 10-14

But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.
11 My foot has held fast to his steps;
I have kept his way and have not turned aside.
12 I have not departed from the commandment of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my portion of food.
13 But he is unchangeable, and who can turn him back?
What he desires, that he does.
14 For he will complete what he appoints for me,
and many such things are in his mind.

Don’t think that this is just primitive man’s understanding of God.  In the New Testament, Paul affirms this very same truth – that God PLANS/PREMEDITATES/PURPOSES each individual life, packed with intentional circumstances and experiences.  We don’t and WON’T KNOW all the whys and wherefores, but we can trust Him.  Over and over in Scripture, we read of God’s mercy, loving kindness and compassion that go together with His sovereign control and sustaining of all.

Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him.  (1 Cor 7:17)

**

You say, : “Okay, so it’s a fact that life is hard and that these situations are planned for us by God.   Du-uh!  All one has to do is open his eyes and see the suffering. Where’s the good news in that?”

It’s coming!  Bear with me a moment……

God HAS promised to give us peace, but it is conditional.  We’ve got to do something.  Let’s look at another gospel where Jesus talks about trials.  In John 16:33 He says:

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

What do we have to do to get that peace?   One action, based on knowledge:

We are called to take heart, to encourage ourselves. How?  By knowing who Jesus is and who we are if we are united to Him.   Jesus tells us that if HE has rescued, redeemed and brought us into His Kingdom as His subject/family member/ steward/ ambassador/ soldier, then we have EVERYTHING we need to live on Earth and grow more holy.

(2 Peter 1:2-3) Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

Here’s another promise that can give us peace IF we soak it into our pores:

All things, all the our hards work TOGETHER (that’s divine coordination) for our GOOD, for us who belong to His forever family who are purposed by Him to love Him.

(my paraphrase of Romans 8:28)

So God equips His people and promises that the fact that Jesus has overcome the world makes the difference in our suffering.  The resurrection is how Jesus has overcome the world.  And if we are unified with Jesus, then we ultimate overcome our suffering instead of being overcome.  Being in Christ means we have access to supernatural power and wisdom.

Now all this valley-slogging, these our hards are definitely painful.  No denying that. But somehow knowing that……..

-they are planned

-for my good

-and are meant for me to face and walk through equipped with Jesus’ presence and tools

….makes the difference.  As John Piper says, “Let’s not waste our suffering!”

So what is your OUR HARD and how are you blessed?

 

A door is opening

March 7, 2013

Maria Prayer, Psalm 84, Uncategorized , , , 2 Comments

Thank you for your prayers!

A door is opening.  I have been blessed with an upcoming interview for a French-teaching job in a middle school in Asheville.  Mike and I will drive down on Tuesday, 19 March and I will spend the next day, the 20th, visiting, interviewing and teaching a French lesson.

How am I keeping my stomach from the nervous butterflies?  By focusing my mind on God’s promise in Psalm 84: 11

The Lord is a sun and a shield; He gives grace & glory.  No good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is upright.

  • Sun –He gives me light, energy, direction, growth
  • Shield – Jesus, the anointed one is my shield.  Without His covering, my sin would not let me be in God’s holy presence
  • Grace – I get God’s undeserved favor in unlimited ways
  • Glory – as a new creation ever since I ‘died’ in Feb 1987, was rescued by Jesus and transferred into the Kingdom of Light, I possess an inheritance and am looking forward to reveling in God’s glory as one of Jesus’ sisters.
  • (Skip over ‘good things’ for a moment)
  • Upright – because my trust is in Jesus’ wedding garment, I am free to stand up straight and look into God’s face. Each time I look down at myself or at my circumstances, I lose life-energy-joy. ‘Keeping the faith’ each day is a moment-by-moment re-orientation to what is true and right thinking.  I am only upright (blameless as another translation puts it) since I am unified with Christ.

Back to ‘good things’:   If this teaching job turns out to be a ‘good thing’ for me, according to God, then I will get the job.  He alone knows and sees all events.  If I don’t get this job, then I can know for certain, it was not a ‘good thing’.

What I’m going to say next might surprise you.  I first read Psalm 84:11 in the autobiography of George Müller.  This 19th century English pastor and hero of faith prayed this verse as his first wife lay dying.  And she died.  He took comfort in God’s promise that NO GOOD THING does He withhold from His people.

And George Müller was able to carry on with his children, his ministry and life.  He eventually married a second godly woman and was able to look back and see God’s hand, providentially guiding all circumstances.

Please continue to pray that I may represent myself and my abilities accurately, so that Carolina Day School can make the right decision for them.  I trust ‘my blessed Controller’ to continue His process of guiding me in this adventure.

By the way – We still need a buyer for our house!  But God has that under His happy control, too!    

Therefore, let us keep the feast…

March 6, 2013

Maria Celebration, Forgiveness, Sin, Uncategorized Leave a comment

Heard a great explanation of what it means that God loves me.

First I have to descend the ladder of how I view myself:

…..go beneath my projection –  a cultivated ‘Maria as lovely Christian woman’

….to that place where only I know what I’m really like. (Please don’t project my thoughts in 3 D living color w/ high sound fidelity for all to see!)

….go deeper – supposedly Jack Miller was fond of saying, “Cheer up!  You’re a lot worse than you think.”

Now get ready to be lifted up out of despair:

In my ‘pittiest’ pit, my omniscient Father loved me knowing all that I had done –  am doing –  and will do that is despicable…and He rescued me, sprang me, freed me.

The well-deserved death sentence NO LONGER hangs over my head.  As a gift, Jesus became Condemned Maria.  Think Dickens –  Tale of Two Cities .  Sydney Carlton assumes young Charles identity and will die in his place.

(Besides being freed from the penalty of death, I ALSO get Jesus’ résumé of righteousness accredited to me! No need to work to earn God’s approval)

So….

  1. Since I didn’t earn anything, I can’t ever lose anything – i.e. my salvation and good record
  2. I get to walk.  (You mean she just ——–WALKS?   Totally free?  out of prison?  How is THAT fair?????? – you call that justice!!!!?????)

I am free to go…so now it’s time to celebrate.

That’s the doctrine behind the liturgical response in an Episcopal worship service, “Therefore, let us keep the feast.”

We should be dancing, with a delighted smile on our faces….it’s party time!

**Two Questions

  • Who can I invite join me in this cosmic celebration?  Joy is multiplied when shared.
  • A more difficult question – why don’t I really believe this?  After all, our actions communicate our true beliefs.  My face betrays my identity.  I may be truly free.  But I sure act like I’m in prison.  And if I stay in my prison…then, that’s MY fault.  The door is wide open and can’t be shut!  

 

Too much freedom

March 3, 2013

Maria Peace, Psalm 16, Uncategorized 2 Comments

I’m reading Crime and Punishment.  The sophomores slogged through it in January after Christmas and I thought I’d give it a go, so as to plug one of the many gaping holes in my literature background. (don’t tell anyone, but this UVa grad double-majored in Russian Studies & Foreign Affairs without EVER reading Dostoevsky in Russian, let alone English!)

Already by page 60, my mind is whirring with frightening thoughts.  The protagonist, a poor university student who has just pawned some family heirlooms for drink, is captured by the idea of killing the very pawn-broker.  He overhears that the rich, but cruel old woman treats her feeble-minded younger step-sister with manipulative severity. At a tavern, two men hypothesize that the ‘good’ achieved by distributing the dead woman’s hoarded rubles would outweigh the ‘bad’ of murder.

Setting aside the moral reasoning, the young man feels gripped with an idea that he can’t escape.  Having visualized himself carrying out the crime, he is helplessly compelled.

This fatalistic plot reminds me of my former upside-down reasoning when I was in the throes of bulimia. Here’s how I would rationally pre-meditate a binge: “If I can picture myself consuming an entire store-bought bag of chocolate chip cookies, one after the other, then I have to carry it out.”  And I ALWAYS followed through.  I never said, “Maria – that is CRAZY logic!”  (But thanks be to God – who rescued me from that perverse pit in my mid-20s.  How did He do that?  Not by will-power or effort, but by the ‘renewing of my mind’.)

I think the Nazis must have lived by the same dark logic.  If they could creatively invent a new way of ‘eliminating’ Jews, then they had to carry it out. When people point fingers at murderers and categorize them as ‘Other’, I often think, “That could be me, given the ‘right’ circumstances.” I am not surprised by evil, because I know me!!

But why shouldn’t you smother someone sleeping………. or eat all the cookies……..or pull the fire alarm to see what will happen……… or ‘key’ a car……… or destroy a pear tree’s fruit for the sake of the idea (pre-Christian Augustine’s childhood prank)?  Horrid ideas flutter through our minds more than occasionally, don’t they?  Or am I the only one?  There’s got to be a compelling reason not to act on them.

Last night, reading this fictional character’s thought process scared me. The familiar feelings evoked in me were like that of one of our indoor cats who somehow finds himself on the outside of his safe boundary.  Once, Luther slipped through a cracked back door to chase after a possum. The possum skedaddled and all of a sudden Luther realized his new identity and location as ‘a stranger in a    strange land.’   He didn’t know how to act outside the house!   Luther on the Scanner - Dec 08

Fortunately for him and to my great relief, Mike was able to capture lost Luther and set him back inside his usual habitat. The reassuring four walls proscribe the freedom he can safely enjoy.  That is how it is with us as Christians.  No boundaries – no limits to what we can do.  And what the mind can conceive, the body can carry out: no matter how perverse (to wit – our current culture).

I’m not proud to admit it but when I went off to college, my mother’s way of dealing with boundaries was simply to say, “Nice girls don’t”.  That was not compelling.

Even though Mike and I became Christians in our early 20s, it has taken us 3 decades to understand and internalize the FACT of Jesus’ love for us. As we absorb the logical ramifications of His history-changing act, our sense of identity is slowly changing. Who you are DOES affect what you DO.

I like my boundaries.  I NEED to know God’s kids don’t do XYZ because of who they are in Christ.  My life is much simpler with fewer choices.

In summary, the compelling reason to abstain from my innate deceptively wicked mind & heart is two-fold:

  1. For the 3 score & ten:  ‘Gospel-logic living’ is both easier AND peace-promoting. (peace with God & peace with self because of Christ’s work on the cross on my behalf)
  2. The promise of a future life as one of the heirs to an amazing, mind-boggling, better-than-we-can-ask-or imagine forever life with a happy holy trinity, myriads of to-be-discovered brothers & sisters, and awesome angels.

I like my sheepfold, as did David inspiring him to pen with poetry, ‘the boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;  surely I have a delightful inheritance’. (Psalm 16:6)

Do I really want to invest more time with Crime & Punishment?  One of my students in French 4 says it is one of the best books she has ever read.  On that recommendation, I will read on.      

What do you have in your hand?

February 28, 2013

Maria Colossians, Mark, Uncategorized, Work, Worship , 5 Comments

“Ce qui était en son pouvoir, elle l’a fait » – Marc 14 :8 

What was in her power, she did it.

I love the French version of this little fact about Mary who anointed Jesus’ feet with expensive oil, giving him a foot massage!

In doing a bit of internet research, I found out that this Mary is likely Lazarus’ sister, the one who had a previous foot reputation.  She would gather with the men and listen to Jesus, sitting at his feet while her sister fumed in the kitchen.

What I extract from this verse is that we all have SOMETHING, some kind of ability, gift, talent or goods.  And when we use it in a worshipful and loving way, we receive recognition, but not from men…….

There were some who said to themselves indignantly, “Why was the ointment wasted like that? For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor.” And they scolded her. (verses 4, 5)

My friend and I were discussing a Latin phrase yesterday – “Laborare est orare – Orare est laborare” that is “to work is to worship – to worship is to work.”

I find the 2nd part of the motto the more interesting.  When we ascribe worth to God, we are worshipping, doing what we were meant to do.  That IS our work.

“What am I going to do with my life????”  – is the cry of my seniors where I teach.  Tomorrow is the 1st day of March.  They have 3 more months of high school and then off to college they go.  They are angsting over the first significant (so they think) decision of their lives.

But truly, our life is but a collection of moments, one after another.  All we have is:

THIS moment – this SECOND.       

How should we work in this moment?  By doing what is in our hand to do.

–      What has God given you that you can use or do right now in a way that shows the world that –  you love the eternal, infinite, unchanging only true and wise God?

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.  Paul’s inspired advice to the Colossians, 3:17

What calms my anxious heart when I think….. I have to have….. my way…

February 23, 2013

Maria Anxiety, Control, Faith, Peace, Philippians, Uncategorized , Leave a comment

Do not be anxious about anything…Phil 4:6

 

Who, today, is NOT anxious?  We all have circumstances that we are hoping will work out a certain way.  And the fact that we are not in control, and therefore, have no guarantee that things will work out the way we “NEED” them to happen is our recipe for anxiety.

  • Travel arrangements in the midst of impending snowstorms
  • Medical treatments to bring a loved one back to health
  • Babies growing in the womb
  • The safe return of a son, daughter, mom or dad from deployment
  • Job cuts to be avoided; new jobs to had
  • A buyer to come along and offer the ‘right price’ at the ‘right time’
  • A special friend for a lonely child
  • A college acceptance; that certain scholarship
  • A viable pregnancy this time and not another miscarriage
  • A marriage proposal that is ‘just right’
  • A marriage to back away from the precipice and heal
  • A spouse or adult child to stay sober
  • Even….the pain that comes from not knowing but desperately praying for a loved one to come to Christ

I came across a line in a book that offers much more security and comfort than ‘hoping’ that the right circumstances will prevail.  I don’t know where I got it, so I can’t give credit.  But the author was obviously inspired by Biblical truth in Romans 8:28. Here is my paraphrase:

May we pin our hopes not on the ‘right’ circumstances to come about, but on God’s promise to work out ALL circumstances (‘panta’)  for our good and for His glory.  And since God’s desire and will for those who LOVE GOD (the only qualification) is to conform us to our elder Brother, Jesus, then we can relax in the FACT that His plan WILL be done.

As you know, Mike and I are waiting on 3 biggies in our transition to Phase 4 of our working life:

1) The ‘right buyer’ for our house in enough time so we can indeed purchase the ‘right house’

2) The ‘right job’ for me in Asheville at the ‘right income’

3) The ‘right number and kind ‘of paying clients for Mike’s consulting business

 

But we don’t have to be anxious because ALL the details, twists and turns of each day are being providentially controlled by Him.  I don’t have to hold my breath and hope that my particular version of ‘Maria & Mike’s best life’ works out.

Two problems with THAT life script – it might not be what is actually best for us.  And I have no ability to make/force it to happen.  Minor details, right?

But here is what I DO have – an absolute iron-clad/blood-bought promise that Jesus, my archegos: i.e. chief leader/controller/ director/ champion/prince/ author and teleiotes: i.e. finisher/completer/perfector of the faith He planted in me when I was

———–born again…… transferred from the Kingdom of Darkness to the Kingdom of Light….. crucified with Him and given new life………

IS IN CHARGE of all the details concerning us and is guiding them/ controlling them/ orchestrating them…for our best as He defines best.

Breathe in….breathe out….and join me in opening YOUR clenched fist.  What are  you pinning your hope on ? If it’s on anything but Christ our Rock, then your mental state will continue to drive you nuts.  Not exactly a good walking billboard for the benefits of belonging to ‘The Way, the Truth and the Life’.

 Your future includes manna. It will come. There is no sense devising future scenarios now because God will do more than you anticipate. When you understand God’s plan to give future grace, you have access to what is arguably God’s most potent salve against worry and fear. (Ed Welch, Running Scared)

 

Sex and Sacraments

February 18, 2013

Maria Marriage, sacraments, Uncategorized , , Leave a comment

  I love the concept of ‘category error’. That’s when someone criticizes something for lacking an attribute impossible for it even to have.  Like saying that there is something wrong with water because it doesn’t provide fiber.  Or the Russian cosmonaut saucily boasting that he had been to space and not seen God.  (Silly, God is not a material/ physical being.  There’s no WAY you could have seen Him!)

So in thinking about categories, I want to make the boast that Tim & Kathy Keller’s book, The Meaning of Marriage, is in a category of books unparalleled.  It is NOT at all like any book on marriage that you might have read or heard about. 

This is a book that will bless you, whether you are a teenage girl or guy thinking you might want to marry someday….or you are engaged to be married…..or you are in an unhappy marriage and are searching for a helpful paradigm …or you are like us, coming up on 33 years of married life.

I know I’ve talked about their book before.  My enthusiasm has not waned.

Mike even read it and he has NEVER picked up ANY book on relationships, whether on parenting or marriage or how to live with Felines.

Here’s what spiritual gem I reaped yesterday as I was finishing it.  (Mike zipped through in a week; I’ve been savoring it slowly, just on Sundays at breakfast.)

The Kellers describe married sex as a “Covenant Renewal Ceremony”.  I like that.  They say that when you experience that ultimate physical pleasure in that totally safe & secure place with your spouse, you bubble over enthusiastically with verbal expressions or thoughts like:  “I love you SO much!  I feel SO close to you!”   For a few moments afterwards you both bask in contented affection and oneness.

I think I understand the sacrament of Communion better now after reading the Kellers describe the role that sex plays in married life.  If sex is the covenant renewal ceremony reinforcing one’s marriage vows, then the Eucharist serves the same purpose.  I have always struggled to see what is some find deep and meaningful about the actually sacrament of Christ’s body & blood.  I’ve asked myself,

“Just how does the Eucharist administer God’s grace, sustaining and empowering Christians?”

Is it in the power of remembering and reenacting? Is it reflecting on how much it cost God to send His son Jesus as a representative human?  Is it being mindful of how bad we are, and how much we deserve Hell?

In comparing how ‘loved & at one’ I am with my husband after an especially powerful ‘Covenant Renewal Ceremony”  in our bedroom, I think I see a bit more clearly how Grace might come to me through participating in Communion.

What I REALLY love at our PCA church is how the pastor tailors to us his biblical explanation of what this institution of a New Covenant means.  Each time we celebrate Communion, whether it is Pete or Jeff, they link their sermon TO the Eucharist and set it in context, making it really meaningful.

I’m getting a better sense of what a great gift it is to be part of God’s forever family.  And just like in those afterglow minutes with Mike where I am SO grateful to be married to him, I now leave Church more in love with Jesus, the bridegroom. It’s definitely a maturing process, but I think I’m growing and cultivating a deeper and truer appreciation of the Trinity along with a desire to protect, honor and love the Body of Christ.    

Stages – or confessions of a ‘has been’

February 16, 2013

Maria Uncategorized, Waiting , 2 Comments

The spotlight has moved on. Mike & I and our two boys used to be at the center of everyone’s attention……especially at Church

We were part of that vital segment of society called young family; we were important.  Only thing is, we didn’t realize it at the time.

I wasn’t aware how much a sense of identity and belonging I enjoyed & derived from that role.

To be honest, do we ever TAKE time to process and evaluate when we’re in the midst of dancing from one school/sport/music/XYZ activity to another?   On the surface, as one mom to another, we might have shared common complaints, but it was from a place of feeling VITAL and NEEDED.

For the most part, Mike and I have adapted well to the “Empty Nest”.  We work our jobs and we look forward to nesting in the evenings, sharing dinner and conversation.  We rejoice when we talk to and visit with our kids and grandkids.  But they live plane-rides away. We find ourselves now at the margins of their lives, when before we shared center-stage with them.  Apparently that is normal, but it does take some mental & emotional adjustment. And a going back to God’s Word to gain our new bearings.

Mike read the other day that parents always love their kids more than their kids love them.   Ouch! Guess I didn’t think how my parents felt when Mike and I struck off on our own.  How did THEY feel when ‘Act II’ opened for them?

I must have missed the Entre’Act – that segué when the stage-hands physically create a new scene.  So last weekend was revelatory to me.  Loud and clear, came the news that cameras were rolling for this next Act in my life.

I participated in the PCC Women’s retreat 9-10 February.  (PCC is the church which houses my school – I’ve enjoyed taking part in about 4 of their retreats in past years.  I know some of the gals and they are a friendly group, willing to take in a non-member).  What struck me this year was how, at age 55 with adult children no longer living in the area and grandkids that we see only occasionally, my roles have changed.

I am now one of those OTHER women!  You know that group; the older gals who are supposed to guide and instruct the younger women?  My job description got updated and I didn’t see it coming!  My gifting, bequeathed to me upon my arrival at the shores of menopause,  is to be interested in/ help out/ listen well to the ‘younger moms’ who are right in the thick of life with little kids and husbands, etc.

I guess I felt envious. (Forgive me, Father!) And I wasn’t anticipating this insight.

The couple of days that followed the retreat were difficult. Tears & emotions that burbled out all over my surprised husband came from not having accurately articulated to myself some newly discovered truths.  (Preach the Gospel to yourself daily!)

But thanks be to God, Gospel truth for this new job description has begun to sink in and guide me as I study how to “Abide in Christ”.  Too slowly obviously, ( but forward, nonetheless!) I am making baby steps and learning the lines for my new role.

Picture a triangle with “Abiding in Christ” safely in the middle.  Security-Identity- Belonging are the 3 corners.  If you are a new creation because you have been divinely and spiritually seeded by the 3rd member of the God-head, then you are safe in the Triune Refuge.  The key is to do life from THAT position..and not to wander outside looking to create one’s OWN identity and purpose.

I’m going to have to get used to my new role. Meanwhile, in the midst of dabbling in self-pity this week, I was reminded of a profound truth, one that CS Lewis has articulated –

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

I take that to mean that if we have a longing that leaves us with an empty ache, then surely satisfaction is coming.  Knowing that, I can wait for that sure, yet future, GLORIOUS fulfillment by God in heaven.  One day, I WILL rest secure at the center of love and belonging-ness with family, but in a way that is tailor-made for me.

So even though, in THIS life under the Sun, Mike and I are on the tailing end, the best, the INFINITE best is yet to come.

As Robert Browning penned in Rabbi Ben Ezra:

 

Grow old along with me!

The best is yet to be,

The last of life, for which the first was made:

Our times are in His hand

Who saith “A whole I planned,

Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!”

 

Security Triangle

Reflections on waiting

February 8, 2013

Maria Faith, Fear, Genesis, Prayer, Uncategorized, Waiting , , , , , 1 Comment

This waiting thing – we’re in the thick of it!

  • Waiting for the house to sell
  • Waiting to get a teaching job in NC
  • Waiting for Mike’s first paying client
  • Waiting for Wes to return from Afghanistan

Not that waiting isn’t part of others’ lives, too:

  • Our brother and sister-in-law are waiting for her immigration paperwork to come through.
  • Friends are waiting for babies – to be born and to be adopted
  • Many sisters & brothers in Christ are waiting for loved ones to be brought into God’s forever family
  • Other friends are waiting for healing and pain to subside
  • A friend is waiting for her husband finally to receive the career recognition he deserves and longs for
  • Another friend is waiting for debt to be paid off so she can marry

I realized something last night that shifted my view of how God is working.  I’m a lot more relaxed this time around selling a house.  The first time was when we were 27 years old.  Mike had moved out to Monterey, Graham was a baby and we were desperate to sell a house in Arizona.  DES-PER-ATE.  I bugged the real estate agent every day.  God was gracious and brought a buyer in 3 months, despite my total lack of faith.

The last time we sold a house, I had started growing spiritually through the means of Bible Study Fellowship, but was living functionally still as an atheist.  I was 42 this time around.  As I fretted internally, worrying about 30 times a day, “What if…..!!!!”  (at least I didn’t phone our realtor every day!), God brought welcome relief in the form of a verse.  We had studied Genesis the previous year in BSF and all of a sudden I recalled the promise God made to Abraham when the old man, like me, was fearful, tired & discouraged.

Gen 15:1 Fear not Abram, I am your shield and your very great reward!

All of a sudden, my behavior switched.  I consciously chose to sub in that very promise from God each and every time I caught myself falling into worry and fear.  I would literally shake my head and actually stand up to that worry/fear thought:

NO!  then I would say to the Lord…

God, YOU are my shield and my very great reward, therefore, I will not fear.

Instead of playing the worry movie 20 – 30 times in a day, I affirmed God’s Word over and over again.  A month later, God brought the buyer.

Now I’m 55 and we’re selling our 3rd house.  My goal is to offer my waiting to God as worship.  I want to PLEASE my Father by demonstrating that I trust him.  As Graham reminded me yesterday in a phone call, ‘We have a rich and powerful Father, so we can relax’.

The realization that struck me last night came in reflecting about how we came to find the house that we are going to purchase in North Carolina, God-willing.  From Thanksgiving through mid January, we had been ‘studying’ available houses, making a list of features, comparing them in Excel (a side benefit that comes from being married to an analytical husband!) all in preparation for a house-visiting trip last month.  Our goal was to make an offer on a house over that January weekend since Waynesville is 8 hours away by car from Newport News.

We arrived on Saturday at the real estate agent’s office and in addition to the list of houses we had planned to visit; she added one that had ‘just popped up’,  being listed 2 days earlier on the Thursday.  It wasn’t part of our ‘careful study’.

And as you might guess, that is the house we have chosen.

Do you see what I realized last night?  At just the RIGHT time, God brought ‘our house’ to us, not dependent on our analysis and searching.

If I extrapolate, at just the RIGHT time, God will bring:

The buyer for our current house…….The job offer for me……etc

Yes, our efforts are important – But God doesn’t want frenzied, desperate efforts.  Reasonable next steps/actions that come from a deep, relaxed and confident dependence on God are the kind that honor our Father.

Lord, thank you for Christ:  my Anchor, my Blissful Rock, my Big Brother, my Champion and Author and Finisher of the faith implanted in me.  Give me the humility to keep casting these cares back on You, because I KNOW You love us and have our best interests at heart.

God meets our needs very creatively!

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