What is mine and yours to manage?

June 24, 2023

Maria Freedom, Galatians 5, Peace, Romans 12 , , 3 Comments

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Romans 12:18 ESV

I don’t know what prompted me, but when I was sixteen, I started to work at engaging my dad in conversations that would set him to talking with me. I interpreted his animation over the topic to be evidence that he enjoyed me, that he found me interesting. That felt good.

Monday through Friday during the school year, Pop would pour himself some Frosted Flakes, coffee and orange juice.  I would join him at the little breakfast table in the kitchen with my Shredded Wheat or Grape Nuts cereal.  He probably would have been content to eat in silence, but I interpreted the lack of conversation to be his disinterest in me.  So, I sought questions to draw him out.

Practicing this conversational skill over our morning cereal before we both set out for the day, set me on a fifty-year trajectory of obsessive efforts to manipulate others. I invested energy and thought in ‘managing’ family relationships in ways that I self-centeredly deemed ‘best’. I carried this self-imposed burden, oblivious to the damage it was doing in and to me. But at a deep level, I knew this was not healthy.

Good therapists, and Jesus is the best, teach us to focus our energy on our own responses, not those of others. For one, we can’t control how others react.  It follows logically, that we shouldn’t try to manage others. Not only is it futile, but I know others find it annoying. Instead, we are to work on our own thoughts, feelings and actions. There’s plenty there to last until Jesus heals us for good.

Do you recall Peter’s post-resurrection conversation with Jesus?  Picture their early morning breakfast chat along the shore.  Jesus is outlining Peter’s new leadership assignment when the apostle shifts his attention, looks at John and says, “What about him?”  Jesus tells him basically, ‘it’s none of your business what I am calling him to do! You focus your assignment, Peter. That’s more than enough for you!’

Look again at Paul’s command to Roman Christians about living peaceably. To influence what people might think or feel is not our responsibility. Paul clearly teaches that ‘as far as it depends on you and me, if WE find it possible’, we are to live and be at peace with all.  In ordinary daily life among neighbors, family, colleagues, friends, God has NOT called us to be peace manager or peacekeepers.

Seeing this truth has stunned me. As I approach turning 66 next month, I thank Jesus for living and dying for me.  I want to live out this reality, that:

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Galatians 5:1 NIV

Can you be passively active?

May 29, 2023

Maria 2 Corinthians 5, Ezekiel 37, John 3, New Birth, Philippians 4, Romans 12 , , 2 Comments

So don’t be surprised when I say, ‘You must be born again.’ John 3:7 NLT

Don’t we sometimes long for a ‘do-over’?  For years, I’ve celebrated new beginnings. But coming upon Jesus’ words this morning I spotted a new way of thinking about the new birth as he startled the learned Nicodemus.

What do people assume when they speak of a ‘do-over’?  I know my mind goes directly to inaugurating a fresh start. A chance to try again and to better THIS time.

But is that what the Bible teaches? That we all receive a clean page, unblemished by sin in order to ‘make it good this time’?

Knowing me, that’s not good news.

I don’t have confidence that I can do better.

Praise God that Jesus’ conversations point to a passive plan of action.  He does this by using the passive form of a verb, BE born again.

Okay, let’s pause for a brief grammar review.  Just what is the passive ‘voice’ in language?  Wikipedia simplifies it this way:

“…..In a clause with passive voice, the grammatical subject expresses the theme or patient of the main verb – that is, the person or thing that undergoes the action or has its state changed. This contrasts with active voice, in which the subject has the agent role….”

Jesus holds out to the current and most influential religious man in Jerusalem a different way of doing life.  It’s a receiving of an action done to him that is going to change his life forever. That is, if he submits.

Is this good news?  To me it is. For ‘try harder….do more….change your ways….start fresh’ no longer hold out hope. They simply remind me of how I CAN’T!

I remember the years that I loved January 1.  The calendar proclaimed the tempting possibility of maybe getting it RIGHT this time.  I’d pull out and unwrap a brand-new planner and write down goals and steps and the intermediate milestones, tagged to specific dates. I dared to imagine that THIS year would be better.

I don’t do that anymore.  Oh, I still have hope.  But a new kind, one that causes my entire body to relax.  I can’t change myself, but God can. Not only does he want to, it is his express plan of how we are to live.

Let’s start with what happens after what Jesus describes as the second birth. Consider this biblical fact:

Now, we are new and different living beings. And that condition is right from the start. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV

Okay, now what?  Is there something we are to do?  Paul tells us what to expect as new boys and girls, men and women:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind….Romans 12:2 ESV

If you and I were meant to do the change, the Holy Spirit would have exhorted: Don’t conform yourself to the world, but transform yourself by……

Can you SEE or maybe FEEL the difference?

Countless verses and passages in the Bible lay out for us just how much we have received (a passive action) from grace, to strength, to riches, to comfort, to guidance, even to the gift of wanting to repent.  

But here’s one of my favorite examples and this is VIVID.  Do you remember Ezekiel’s encounter with God in a vision in the Valley of Dry Bones? Read all of chapter 37 for the details, but let’s look at verses 5 and 6s showing that God is the agent.

Thus says the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live. And I will lay sinews upon you, and will cause flesh to come upon you, and cover you with skin, and put breath in you, and you shall live, and you shall know that I am the Lord.

It’s ALL of the Lord’s doing.

Maybe you are you questioning:  So, we don’t do anything?  We just let ourselves be DONE to?

To the contrary! Yes, primarily we are to receive, but Paul DOES strongly exhort us to practice various ACTIVE behaviors.

For example, given ALL that God has done for us and IS doing every second, we are to:

Per Romans 12:12

  1. Thoroughly enjoy the hope, the expectation we have of permanently belonging to God as his ‘do-over’ children.
  2. Bravely and calmly bear whatever affliction or suffering he ordains.
  3. Chatter to God all the time through thanksgiving and praise and handing over all our requests.

Per Philippians 4: 8 ESV

Here is where we are to direct our thoughts:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Of course, we are to read, study and meditate on God in his word daily to receive his counsel. And he DOES lay out actions we are to take like helping others and offering hospitality. 

However, I think Christians can fall into the trap of thinking it’s all about their DOING.

Let’s add thanksgiving back into our daily lives,  the ‘being done to us’ side of the Christian life.  Remember, WE don’t cause fruit to grow on our branch.  That’s the Holy Spirit’s job, too.

My words to Maria and to you are: “Relax, little branchlet, little twig, little offshoot of the trunk who is Jesus. You have a gardener who knows what he is doing.  Just be glad and receive his care and let him grow you into a strong branch.”

What if I don’t FEEL any joy?

December 28, 2018

Maria 2 Corinthians 1, God's Promises, Promises, Romans 12, Thinking, Thoughts , , , , 4 Comments

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Romans 12:12

We’re a feeling culture. We don’t ‘think’ anymore.

I often hear people say things like:

  • I feel that we must accept everyone’s religion as being equally valid.
  • I don’t feel like we’re going to make it to the end of the month!
  • I feel that if she made an effort to understand me, then our marriage would have a chance!

The above statements are not feelings; they are beliefs or thoughts.  Since it appears that we don’t even know how to frame our thoughts accurately, then should it surprise us when we struggle to understand feelings?

I came upon Paul’s exhortation above in a collection of R.C. Sproul’s sermons on Romans.  This is what he wrote regarding Romans 12:12 (page 424 of St Andrew’s Expositional Commentary, published by Crossway):

  • ….faith looks forward and finds its anchor for the soul in the future promises of God.  That is the foundation for our joy.

That reassured me that Biblical joy is based on facts.  Promises made by our God and recorded by the prophets for us.

You probably know from past essays that my natural bent is NOT first toward feeling something.  I have to think, ponder and work out thoughts and notions in my mind before I feel.  The feelings do follow I have observed.

Most of the time I don’t FEEL joy in God.  But that doesn’t bother me.  When I substitute the words:  “I’m glad that” for ‘I feel joy in’, then I understand the command to rejoice.  I THINK joy.

I am VERY glad that God’s promises are true and reliable.

I know that I am entitled to them as a follower of Christ.  For Christians are those folks for whom Jesus lived, died and was raised from the dead.  They know what Jesus and the Godhead did for them, OUT OF LOVE, and are VERY glad.  And that being VERY glad begins a deep, lasting and ongoing transformation into the likeness of this very God who has demonstrated His love for us.

So, what makes me glad each day?  That I have Jesus, that I am wedded to Him as part of the Bride.  And as Paul wrote, ….. all the promises of God are “Yes” in Christ. 2 Cor 1:20a

My response?  a grateful glad and hearty And so through Him, our “Amen” is spoken to the glory of God. 2 Cor 1:20b

The prophet Samuel’s scumbag sons and God’s will

April 10, 2018

Maria 1 Samuel 3, 1 Samuel 8, Romans 12, Sovereignty of God, suffering , , , , , , Leave a comment

Was the prophet Samuel a bad dad?  After all, the people rejected both his sons to be the next judge because of their immoral characters.

1 Samuel 8: 1-3 When Samuel became old, he made his sons judges over Israel.  The name of his firstborn son was Joel, and the name of his second, Abijah; they were judges in Beersheba. 3 Yet his sons did not walk in his ways but turned aside after gain. They took bribes and perverted justice.

Before today, I always concluded that Samuel, as godly a judge as he was for Israel, failed to train up his sons according to God’s word, sadly following the pattern of his predecessor and mentor, Eli.

Today I changed my mind, as I read this familiar passage.  When Samuel shares his disappointment and anger that the people don’t WANT his sons to succeed him, God says NOTHING about the character of his boys. Instead, God replies:  …..obey their voice; only you shall solemnly warn them and show them the ways of the king who shall reign over them.

Why is Yahweh changing the routine now? Ever since Joshua died, God has raised up a new judge to rescue and guide His people.

I think it’s because the time has providentially come to set in motion a line of kings beginning with the good-looking, but weak-willed and jealous Saul all the way to the perfect King, Jesus.

God’s sovereign will trumps and overrides any action or non-action of man.

Did you get that?

Neither our GOOD actions nor our SIN determines the final outcome of events.

If we conclude that Samuel was a lousy dad and failed to train his sons properly, it is only out of speculation! The text is silent, contrary to what we read about Eli and how he fathered the other two priests, Hophni and Phinehas.  God explicitly rebukes Eli and announces severe punishment for Eli’s poor parenting.

1 Sam 3:13 For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons blasphemed God, and he failed to restrain them.

No such detail is given about Samuel to explain his sons’ greed and perversion of justice.  So we must beware of looking at their character and laying the blame at the Prophet’s feet. God has His reasons for each of us and each circumstance that we can only guess at.

I write this NOT to give me or you an excuse for not doing what we should.

I write this to correct our occasional false conclusions about our successes and failures.

What are you claiming is a failure in your life?  Yes, you might have exercised poor judgment or made some mistakes that led to this failure.  But could it be that God is actually directing the circumstances?  For His GOOD purposes which remain unknown to us at this time?

Likewise, we must beware of taking credit for good turns of events, what we often claim are successes due to us!  As Paul in Romans 12:6 teaches  – We have different gifts according to the grace given us.  And you can be sure that what God has given is for a specific purpose of His.

Resting in God’s sovereign control helps me both to NOT beat myself up when I fail nor to boast when I succeed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Know your heart AND your bowels!

April 10, 2016

Maria Anxiety, Deuteronomy, Disciplines, Fear, Heart, Isaiah, John 11, Lamentations, Obedience, Promises, Proverbs, Romans 12, Uncategorized Leave a comment

feelings

Proverbs 3:5  Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding

Good life advice for Christians, right?

But wouldn’t you think the inspired author of Proverbs would have called us to trust with our mind or our will instead of our heart?  After all, don’t we decide matters rationally?

Hebrew heart language is NOT an anomaly.  Here’s another verse from the Old Testament:

Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

Looks like the Bible is again telling us that our actions stem from what’s in our heart.

Here’s advice from Moses that reinforces that point:

“The word is very near you, ” says Moses to a rescued Israel, “in your mouth and in your heart“ (from Deut 30:14)

My husband and I have a running friendly disagreement.  I say that feelings flow from thoughts. And he maintains that feelings surge up unbidden with no connection to thoughts. He maintains that he has little control over those very strong emotions that seem to take over in extreme situations like:

  • being blocked unfairly, whether in the car or in a conversation
  • being accused of having let someone down with that wrench to the gut and tell-tale invasion of red flush across the face

The Hebrews AND the Greeks did recognize and identify the source of THOSE powerful emotions.  They sprang from the gut or the bowels!

Lamentations 1:20 refers to this organ as the origin of the strongest feelings – no rational thinking or deciding going on here!  Look, O LORD, for I am in distress; my stomach churns; my heart is wrung within me, because I have been very rebellious. In the street the sword bereaves; in the house it is like death.

What about the New Testament?  Jesus gives us a vivid example of deep anger arising from within.  Do you remember when he and his disciples journeyed to Lazarus’ house? Before they even reach the house, sister Martha meets him and dialogues rationally with a calm Jesus.  Martha slips back in the house and notifies her sister Mary who runs out to see Jesus. Mary’s weeping when she meets him triggers a responsive emotional echo in the Son of God that is other than rational.  Jesus allows Mary to lead him to Lazarus’ burial site accompanied by a growing crowd.  John 11:33 – When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,

That groaning is the same gut feeling that wells up unprompted by rational thought or beliefs.  I’ve heard pastors explain that Jesus practically snorted like a horse, so indignant at death was he.  Rationally Jesus understands the cessation of earthly life, but his physical reaction is beyond thinking and feeling.  It’s in a different category.

Why does this matter, this distinction between gut feelings/bowels and the heart?

It turns out that my husband and I ARE both correct in how we evaluate feelings.  There are those that well up from our depths over which we seem to exercise little control.  More often, though, we deal with the ‘ordinary’ and frequent feelings that flow from our thoughts and beliefs.

And because ordinary feelings spring from what Bible language terms, ‘the heart’, then we CAN learn to change them and that is GOOD NEWS!

Not only CAN we replace and rework the content, we must!  God emphasizes the heart and commands us to control this mind/thought/feeling/-deciding organ.   Garbage in , Garbage out goes the prosaic adage. When we DO filter the content of thought and ideas , our heart changes.

Since having recently recognized that the Bible tends to look at the heart more as the thinking organ of will and choice, I see this distinction all 0ver the Bible!  And I am helped.  Before, I had concluded that I had little chance to fight worry, fear or anxiety, but now I know that I CAN, due solely to the Holy Spirit in me.

God, through Paul writing in Romans 12:2b exhorts us…..continuously be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God’s will is—what is proper, pleasing, and perfect.

My current ‘go-to’ steadying truth these days seems to be:

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about (at fearful circumstances, either real or potential) for I am your God!  I will strengthen you; Surely I will help you; Surely I will hold you up with my victorious and righteous right hand! Isaiah 41:10 (Amp)

With practice (like in any other skill) I am learning both to desire and to obey my Dad’s commands.  I want to please Him!

More details about the Bible’s understanding of ‘the heart’